Stromberg (2004–2012): Season 1, Episode 6 - Diebstahl - full transcript

Mr. Petersen, nice to see that....

- Mrs. Jakobs
- Melzing.

- Ah! Then you are...
- Yes...

Yes, a weather today!
To beget demigods!

My strategy in customer meetings
is humor and psychology.

Yes?! You have to assess as fast as lightning,
what kind of person the other is.

Is that a man, is that a woman?

Do you have to come with information
or with something else?

All this in fractions of seconds....

I would like to thank you as Capitol
as one of our major customers

of course make you a special offer...

[in mafioso voice] An offer,
that you can't refuse...

[laughs, phone rings in background]

But in the end, all that matters is,

that the other person has the feeling...

By golly, that's one
one, the Stromberg.

[Theme song]

[Title Melody]

- And for this reason--
- Mr. Stromberg,

what am I supposed to do with
an export goods liability for countries,

to which we do not export at all?

Why am I now paying almost 4 percent
more for global insurance

and does it also apply to non-EU
EU related contracts?

Or how is that?

Good point, Mr... Petersen....

Ah, yes... Hm, hm...

- Erika, what is it??
- Yes, I have to go to the material cupboard.

Yes, but not now. You see,
that we are in the middle of an important...

- Erika? Are you Erika Burstedt?
- Yes?

Helmut Petersen, we know each other
only from the phone.

Oh, that's nice,
that you have a face.

My assistants,
Mrs. Melzing, Mr. Jakobs.

- Hello.
- Mrs. Burstedt.

Yes, Mrs. Burstedt, we are sitting here
over the new policies right now.

What do you think about that?

Ah, the cleaning lady test.

Very good. We do it all the time.
In the marketing area like that.

The voice of the people

- should not be underestimated--
- Mr. Stromberg, I would like to-->.

So, Mrs. Burstedt,

would you sign this
in my place?

Well, of course you have to pay 8200
more per degree, but

for that would be in the USA

your cost of litigation would be
would be limited to 40000 dollars.

- Oh, ummm.
- Yeah.

And last year with South Korea,

there you have the two
HPG's already alone

20000, and that would be now
here already included.

- Oh, that is included!?
- Yes, yes, that's... that's....

And then you would have the additional costs
already out of it, of course.

- Yes, that is not uninteresting.
- In fact, that's very interesting.

[cell phone rings]

The connection of Tanja Seifert?

No, she is not here at all,
she left her cell phone yesterday

in the ice cream parlor.

Yes, I'll pass it on.

Okidoki, bye bye!

[the ball bounces around,
phone in background]

Tanja and I went for ice cream
ice cream and stuff after work,

and then she left the cell phone
and I took it with me.

Sure. Tanja and you go for an ice cream...

Yes, she had a spaghetti ice cream and
I had a small Malaga cup.

- A little malaga cup.
- Yes!

Here she comes. I'll run
and bring her the cell phone.

- Hello, here.
- Oh great, thank you!

That's nice of you.

Um, yeah. Thank you.

Very good, Mr. Stromberg.
The Petersen has yes

accepted all policies,

even the Asia additions.
Good job, congratulations!

- And now for a--
- Yeah, first he bitched,

- To an unpleasant point--
- but finally agreed to it.

Office costs are going up,
in all departments.

We have an increase of 13%
in the last 2 years,

and reason to believe,

that it has to do with increasing
Employee thefts to do with.

So far I have not had
no employee has been stolen yet.

[all laugh]

Yes, it's not quite that funny,
Mr. Stromberg.

The management
is very keen on this,

that we no longer treat theft
as a trivial offense

but to give this issue
the highest priority.

Yes, then we should get to that.

Always eating, the Fräulein Seifert.

The cups are all gone.
The machine is still running.

Where is the Erika?
I haven't seen her today...

She is at the precaution.

- At the screening?
- Breast cancer.

Yeah, that's... hmm... you have to
quite openly about it...

Not at all in the past.

Walking testicles.

Do you know wandering testicles?
I had them when I was a kid.

One testicle is migrating

practically from the scrotum
back into the body.

This has been
completely, but that's...

Those were quite
times, when you could have operationally...

Cups are all gone, and
n' few are in the machine.

That can't be, we had
the whole cupboard full.

Employee thefts.

Is on the list at the tubercle
at the top. No shit,

we had a special
department head meeting about it.

Soon other strings will be
Ulf. With body search.

[the fax machine buzzes]

- Tanja, just very briefly!
- I really don't have time now to talk to you--

I am not so good at talking,
that's why, here.

A poem for me? Well, that's...

"My heart melts like spaghetti ice cream.
I see the Tanja

As rare as an edelweiss
So noble as champagne"

Yes, there are 10 stanzas.
Canst yes later again

read them alone.

[Water splashing]

- Mr. Stromberg?
- Ms. Berkel.

I have seen
that the policies of Petersen

all still have a reservation.

Yes, but he signs,
that's just a formality.

- Don't worry.
- Good.

Do you already have results
regarding the property crimes?

I don't know,
what their idea is,

Should I connect my employees
to the electric current?

"Did you steal stamps?"

In other departments.
have been made in this regard.

logged individual discussions were held,

Which I think is a good solution.

Recorded one-on-one meetings?

That makes sense, of course!


[Phone rings]

- Tanja Seifert?
- [Bert] Yes, it's me. Again.

I just wanted to ask very briefly,

if this afternoon
together in the canteen--

What? Yes, it's only ...
I see,

we can also
clarify later, hmm...

We can talk on the phone
phone later. Bye!

[Ulf whistles the wedding tune]

- Stop it!
- Hey, Ernie! You're having dinner together!

Well hello!
Do you even know what that means?

Eating out is like foreplay
only with food.

Ernie, there's something going on!

I can't imagine that.

That's right, I can't imagine
actually also not imagine.

Do you really think that there is something,
so, that they...

Nah, I don't even think,
that she really goes out to eat with you.

- Well, sure, she said so!
- Yes, yes.

- What do we want to bet? One euro?
- Uh, there you are extremely sure!

Yes well, then five!
Five euros!


[Ulf hums, phone in background]

I'll do it later.

[Title melody]

[knock on office door].
Erika, always in the good room.

Gosh! How was it?

- What?
- Here, with the...

Oh, nope, that's all right,
thank you. But I have cholesterol.

- So now I have to go from the diet--
- Yes, now sit down.

You know what it is about, don't you?

Yes, Tanja said something
about theft.

Yes, such a typical

Complete nonsense
actually, but, well.

You know the guide.

[imitates Hitler]
There it's about every paper clip!

[Erika laughs uproariously]

Erika, so,

have you ever
with you, Mrs Burstedt?

Nope. Of course not,
Mr. Stromberg.

"Nah. Of course not,
Mr. Stromberg."

In any case, nothing major,
Where you would say "theft".

I took toner a few times,
for Claudia's printer,

from my daughter.

In the store it costs
more than 100 euros, and here it is...

Well, she needed it,
for school.

Ei ei ei.

Do you have any idea how something like that comes across to
Mrs. Berkel, toner theft?

Yes, I'm sorry now, Erika,
but I'm afraid, there you are

- no longer acceptable for the company.
- What?

Yes, the Berkel is tough as nails on such things!
And on such a thing stands now times

- termination without notice.
- But...

I was thinking because...
Because you said,

it's nonsense and so, so I...

My advantage is that
my employees know.

that I am not so pinched.
And there I also see

my advantage over
for example, a Mrs. Berkel.

She is a trained bean counter.

And I from my mental attitude

better say
"screw the peas."

Hello, Erika?

That was a joke,

[she exhales deeply]

My God, I have a
humorless department.

This gives us an intermediate score
of ten to one against Ernie.

- What? What about me?
- What about you? Nothing, why?

So, you started it, right?

One of them even bet that you would manage
with Tanja. Except you.

So, Rita, how does it look?

- Five against Ernie.
- Five against Ernie, wonderful!

- Me too. Five against Ernie.
- Five against Ernie, jawol! And with you?

Ten against Ernie.

So, when others make fun of me
make fun of me, I

such a built-in draught,
I don't get anything out of it.

So, in here and out there again.

But until here, or here
there is nothing.

So, it's all solid,
so hermetically sealed.


At the first moment I thought
I am really fired!

[Stromberg] I said yes termless,
and she so: "Mr. Stromberg..."

With such a face!

Mom? You are not supposed to call here
call here during work.

Our Ernie again today, he
gave Tanja a poem.

He goes completely crazy, because Tanja
went out for ice cream with him the day before yesterday.

Well, she has also
two nice balls,

- Wait a minute--
- If not made of ice!

"My heart is a spaghetti ice cream"

"Edelweiss and champagne,
and this is Tanja"

By the way, there are still bets going on,
whether she will have lunch with him today.

- Can I still get in on that?
- [Bert] None of your business!

The poem was only for Tanja!
And with the bet...

You are not so popular here
you are not so popular here, Erika, you can

calmly ask around!

Yes nix oh Ernie, come! Yes?
The name is... Berthold!

I forbid myself for a long time, Ernie!
Memorize that finally!

[Erika] Don't be like that Ernie,
I was joking after all.

Hello, Mr. Stromberg,
I've been looking for you everywhere!

Yes, we are taking such a little break
from these theft one-on-one conversations.

Erika has stolen toner! Multiple times!

Yes what? It's true!
Mr. Stromberg has told it!

Well, you don't do that
but not, Ernie!

Ernie, it was raining,
I didn't have an umbrella,

just because of that we went for ice cream.

Where I still said
at the spaghetti ice cream there is still

so'n small umbrella with it,
do you remember?

Just because you are spinning

you can't just take the Erika--

That was only because she
with the poem.

Ernie, I think that's
really shitty from you!

[he sighs deeply]

Yes, of course there must be
have consequences, Mrs. Berkel.

That is not possible at all,
but she must also...

I will give her
the vacation bridge for Christmas,

that's gone, she must know that.

I have already told you
what priority this topic

has with the management.
In this respect, I think,

that we should really
really hard.

And I should now get Erika out of...
uh... kick... out?

But that would be
with cannons on magpies... uh...

To put it this way.
Just because the 'n spoon stibitzt,

you don't have to--

I have explained to you the attitude
the attitude of the management.


[the door rattles,
as Stromberg comes out]

[and again,
as he slams the door]

[Erika hums to herself]

[the spray bottle hisses]

[she talks to herself] not right at the back...

- Hm?
- Hm.

Ah, Mr. Stromberg, how did
the woman, um...

How did she cope with
coped with the dismissal?

- Who? Erika?
- Yes.

Yes, uh... puh... my dear Scholli....

Whether the at all
still finds something at that age?

Do you already have the
final signature from Petersen?

No, but I can
already quite well.

- The casserole is delicious, isn't it?
- Meal together!

May I join you?

- If you want to...
- Yes.

Back there is also
everything free, Erika, right?

But there is always a draught,
Mr. Stromberg.

Mrs. Berkel? I think,
we should get going.

But your plate is
still quite full!

Eat up, Mrs. Berkel,
You can take it,

if I may say so.

So, now it's
highest railroad...

Mrs. Lorenz! Yoo-hoo!

Excuse me,
I'll just go over there...

Hi, greetings, hello!

[Erika laughs out loud]

Yes that uh... that must be
be this phantom cheerfulness.

One knows it actually
only from chickens, they run

even ten minutes later
around, without head...

[Erika laughs uproariously]

Is the laff, the casserole.

All this can't be true!

[Stromberg] I got the sack.
of Erika Burstedt so far from

for strategic reasons

Now stop it!
What kind of strategy?

I am now really soon
Tired with you.

This is a last warning!

[Phone rings]


I'll call you back then.
I'll call you back.

You wanted to talk to me,
Mr. Stromberg?

Yes, Erika, um...

With bad news
is always a thing.

Either slowly and carefully,
or with a jolt.

Because of my cholesterol level
I have to eat such stodgy stuff.

- I'll make it short--
- With no chocolate.

I'm afraid I have to give you notice, Erika.

So Mr Stromberg, now please
not every time, ne?

- Mrs. Berkel, or the business--
- Do you also want a cookie?

No, the management
has because of this

toner story... it's...
that's just...

Yes, is like I say.

You can't be serious
you can't be serious?

- You want to kick me out?
- From want no...

On the other hand, of course
the taking of toner

In the narrower sense 'ne criminal....

There the mouse bites no thread.

Of course I tried--

You've got to be kidding me.

Erika, it's, uh....

[Piano music]

[Coffee maker bubbling]

Ne, ne. I am
not a fair weather boss.

Just when it's raining cats and dogs from the sky
from the sky, you as the boss have to

already times on unpopular course...

This is extremely important.

Is this fun?

Is it necessary? Absolutely.

Just as the bear bites off
bites off a paw,

to get out of the trap, ne?

Herr Petersen, I greet you!

What can I do for you... oh.

Bad news always spreads
always the fastest, isn't it?

That's true, though,
we had to get rid of Erika Burstedt

by mutual agreement....

Yes, that's not a question at all,
excellent force, but...

Yes, but I am sure,

that I can answer all open questions
just as well.


But Herr Petersen,
you can still give your consent

to such a far-reaching decision

do not make dependent on
x-any clerk....

You can.

Nah, of course. I... I...

I'm going to see
what I can do.

I will personally
personally about it--

Yes, me too, thank you.

Herr Petersen.

Oh, Erika...

Erika, very briefly... The following:

Your friend, the Mr. Petersen, he
would absolutely like to talk to you,

Before he finally signs.

Therefore, it would be very good
if you

would call him again.

I'm supposed to... Say...

This is really
really n' strong piece.

Mr. Petersen is unfortunately,
that must be said, uh...

Tough as a Polish ox.


So, Erika Burstedt could
of course very well...

Are you starting that again now?
[there's a knock] Yes?

Thank you.

Did you know that, she has
health problems.

But we have discussed this
discussed long and wide--

- Cholesterol.
- What?

Breast... Breast cancer.

- Mrs. Burstedt has breast cancer?
- Shh!

Left... the left is completely made of...
of plastic...

Does office work voluntarily
for such a self-help group,

and therefore maybe
with the toner...

- Oh, that's terrible!
- Yes, that is quite terrible.

Why did you not
not said that earlier?

Yes, I had
a lot to do the last few days,

and there is probably...

What does that look like now?

Oh, this is actually quite nice
quite nicely. You can see that--

Oh, for the company!


And I'm like, "no," right? "That
You can't do that! The Erika

is only a human being!"
And the tubercle so'n face!

But I've got this badass....

And Mr. Petersen,
I'll call him!

[she sighs in relief]

He is also quite happy
that he can stop with you.

- Mrs. Burstedt?
- Yes?

I just wanted to apologize
apologize to you.

- Oh, that's nice.
- I really had

no idea
about her personal situation,

then I would have treated the incident
treated differently, of course.

Mr. Stromberg told me about your
health problems.

Is that so?

If the house can help you in any way
Can help you in any way,

then please let me know.

Oh, that is not so dramatic
now again not so dramatic,

a little less chocolate,
a little less fat--

Mrs. Berkel, can I talk to you
talk to you very briefly? Is important!

I'm talking to Ms. Burstedt right now.

Yes, she is not running away from us
away anymore.

And that is this...
I'll come back to you right away, okay?

Erika, it would be very important
political reasons very important

if you would not talk to Mrs. Berkel
would not speak for the time being.

- Yes, but she was very nice just now.
- Absolutely, but...

Can you turn off the camera
off for a moment?

Is it off now?

Uh, Erika wait a minute.

It is important to me
that you do this now

not to record.

Mrs. Berkel?

[Title music]