Stromberg (2004–2012): Season 1, Episode 4 - Der Geburtstag - full transcript


No shit!

- Say...
- One, two, three...

Clearly, such a company.
is constantly changing.

That is always pressure.
Pressure like in a pressure cooker.

If you can't stand up to it...
you're a bad pressure cooker.

Then you have
lost nothing in the kitchen.

...certainly not as a boss.

[Error message from computer]

As a boss, you are always under pressure.

Next week the quarterly figures must
have to be ready,

now of all times
we get a completely new software,

where no swan...
no swan can see through.

[Computer error message]

From today to tomorrow.

I just need to...
Excuse me...

I don't know how they up there
always imagine.

We have to...

But fortunately there is good news
there is also good news.

Got a new parking place on E2,
right here at the house.

So.... Yes.
[Computer error message.]

- So what do you have planned for tomorrow?
- Nothing at all.

You have to do something,
you only turn 28 once.

- Let's see.
- Otherwise I'll organize a party for you.

If I can do something,
it's organizing.

Sure, that's why
you are in the works council.

- Did you apply for your further education?
- Nope.

Oh no, really Ulf. I said,
you have to do it before your birthday.

You're a real jerk.
The training is only available until 27.

What do you get when it's done?

I can't work like this,
with the constant messing around here...

You can't be serious
you can't be serious now.

The wall must go! The wall must go!
I am the people!

Hey, Ernie, you don't mean
not honestly here now...

If now here the child safety device
is set up, then we can both

can really get going. Ah, baby,

Ahh, that's horny, oh you horny piece!

Oh you works council piece, hmmm, hmm!

You payroll bitch...

Ulf, the new software is killing me.
Why don't you come to my office?


[Ulf] So now on your own files,
and if you click on it,

then you can save...
and... press down.

And then enter, ne?
[Computer error message]

[Computer error message]

Listen, I'm collecting
for Ulf for tomorrow, for a present...

I don't care...

Come on.

How fast do you think he will let this
Works Council chick back on the run.

I really don't care!

Eieiei, but is thick air...
here, look.

[Spitzer makes cow noise]

What's that?
That's funny...

[Spitzer makes cow noise]

I thought it would be something for Ulf.
Tomorrow, as a birthday present.

Ulf, who... today he's really
again today.

- I could also...
- You could? Really? You too?

It's all over, isn't it?

But it happens to him...
I mean, I like that.

Is the coffee already... ah.

It's good that Ulf is here.

The only one who knows
with the new software.

My father is a locksmith and my brother
is unemployed at the moment.

I would find it strange
if I learn here on boss and so.

And besides, I have everything.
DVD, car...

Besides, I think that not everyone
doesn't have to be a big shot here...

And here you can't get any further without
without getting a brown neck first.

By the way. Got a new parking space.
On E2.

[Bert] That's right in front.

Jendruschek is now doing
the parking lot,

and I am good with her.

Knick Knack.

I worked something out with her,
was not so easy!

Aren't these the handicapped parking spaces
on E2?

In the morning
to the main building in the morning...

And in the evening then back like this...
Preferably still with such little arms.


Do you know the
of the Siamese twins,

who become world champions in double head?
Says one to the other...

Are you Mr. Stromberg?

Can I have a word with you? Fritsche
is my name, goes around the parking lot.

Ah. Stromberg.

- Yes, yes... shall we go to my office?
- Wonderful.

Ts, this new system...
so I don't know...

- I have my difficulties there too.
- Yes, I think so,

there one rises already
as a normal person not through.

I think blind is the worst,

then rather deaf or one hand away...

Chest gone is not nice either...
so, with women now.

Wheelchair I find about like deaf,
only that one notices more...

So as I said, the thing
with the parking lot...

I don't understand either

It has been assigned to me
and I think that--

This is actually
a handicapped parking space.


This is actually
a handicapped parking space.

You can give me your parking card
And request another space.

but it's just not that easy.

That you can drive a car at all,
I really think... Hats off.

But I have already cleared this with the
with the administration,

That I can use your parking card.

Yes, but that was
not cleared with me.

I don't quite understand.

I don't want to put a cudgel
between your legs...

So, I am sure, there will be
another solution,

than my parking lot of all places...
I say you go, uh, drive.

To your parking space, uh workplace....
And in the next few weeks, we'll talk.

I'm for disabled, one hundred percent....

Are practically also people.

All the marginalized groups,
disabled people, gays,

women... I am for it,
as long as it's humanly right.

[Computer error message]

I'm going, I'm going crazy.

You don't know your way around either, ne?

[Computer error message]

Ahh, that's some shit, yo.

Well, you hero of work!
Are you working yourself to death again?

But hello! All the files here,
I already looked at them yesterday.

You are really a fool... Did you tell
Did you tell Stromberg about the advanced training?

No, I haven't made it yet.
With all the stress here.

Well, I don't believe it now!
It will start next week!

You always have to
kick your butt.

- Ouch! You don't have to...
- Do you think I like loser guys?

- Hello!
- Hello!

Ulf, I think my computer
is against me. Can you do it again for a moment?

Yeah, sure. I wanted to
to discuss something with you again.

That's fine.

Continuing education is good.
Continuing education is very good.

But not next week, because
my best man can't fuck off.

Well, fuck off...
well, that's a further education and...

Exactly, this is only for quitters.
Ulf, you are my software expert.

Without you I look at the quarterly figures
I look really old against Turculu...

...I might as well...

I wanted to ask this afternoon nevertheless
to ask about the further education.

- I wouldn't do that.
- Why?

It is clear.


The tubercle wants me
for the overall management,

if here both departments
are merged.

And then of course I need
on this chair a successor.

And that's you, my dear.

If it's up to me.

I am supposed to become
a new Stromberg, or what?

What do I always say?
-Can these eyes lie?

Can these feet cheat?
I said, you're my best man.

Well, that's nice, but

Sabine, the works council woman

thinks I should apply for further training
as long as I am still 27.

And here is the big slipper,
and there is the little Ulf, or what?

Man, now forget about
this works council aunt!

With this chick I'll never get you
I'll never get you through for a management position.

You mean, if I want to become
Stromberg, I should...

...break up with the old woman.
As soon as possible.

And anyway "Never dip your fountain pen
in company ink", never in your own house...

rum... stapling... stapling... punch,

do we understand each other?

Listen, I was thinking,
what do you think about it, if we give the Ulf

a serenade tomorrow?
As Marianne and Michael, or something?

The again...

Then not Marianne and Michael,
can also be Cindy and Bert.

Always again on Sundays
comes the memory



...that would be great,
if you sing something tomorrow.

That would be fun, wouldn't it?
We can also do something else...

- What kind of music do you listen to?
- All kinds, crisscross...

Yes... hmmm... I think that's good, too.

- Do you know Cafe del Mar?
- Nah, is it good there?

- It's a record.
- Right...

- I think that's definitely good.
- Yeah, sure. That's not bad.

- Thick air...
- Is that a record, too?

No, at Ulf I mean...

Oh, yes, looks quite so...

If you like, we can think of something,
what we can sing together, tomorrow.

- Mhm.
- Supi, then I'll think of something.

[Ulf] Yes, I broke up with him...

She really got on my nerves.
With the continuing education stuff and all...

I just do not like
under the pommel...

Always this Ulf do this,
do this...

was yes at the end
like with my mother.

And Stromberg is also quite nice...

and there you can also see
that even without further training...

can come quite far then also.

I've got to get back to work.

- Mr. Stromberg?
- Oh, the Turculu.

Mr. Fritsche says that you insist on
to keep the parking space?

- Oh, he is from your department?
- As a matter of fact, yes.

So insisting on it, can
no question, in that sense....

This is a handicapped parking space,
Mr. Stromberg.


but I have this spinal curvature.
Unbelievable pain...

Mr. Fritsche is in a wheelchair.

- Right.
- Mhm.

Are we doing him and ourselves a favor
if we treat him differently because of that?

Should we not
integrate the disabled?

Keyword integration?

You want to
integrate a disabled person,

by not giving him
not giving him a handicapped parking space?

- Now don't twist the words in your mouth.
- You'll never get away with it.

- We'll see about that.
- Nope.

Vortex curvature.

Well, there is nothing
there's nothing you can do. Well.

Of course, Mr. Flitsch,
Fritsche have the parking space,

as soon as his claims to it
are indisputable, I am the last...

Mr. Fritsche is in a wheelchair.

But medicine is making progress nowadays
progress every day, and bang...

he can walk again. Whereas
my spinal curvature is inoperable.

I could just avoid
a warning.

the works council is now involved.

The works... you know them,
the fellows.

If you don't want to go
don't want to go under completely,

it would be good if you
would stand out by doing something positive.

I have to tell you this
so clearly...

- I am also grateful to you for...
- Ah, Mrs. Berkel,

- I wanted to ask briefly
- That has time, Ulf

About the promotion
of Mr. Stromberg, so when...

- What promotion?
- Another one of those misunderstandings.

Well, yes, he has already
as his successor practically...

If... if at all, I said "if".
and if the cat was a horse

Then it would ride up the tree.

[Ulf] What cat?

You promised one of your employees
a promotion to your post?

- Yes
- Mr. Stromberg...?

Yes, because he is now taking over
the overall management.

- Oh papperlapapp...
- You fix it, yes!

It's already as good as...

- Eh...
- Eh...

[Ernie makes kissing sounds]

Oh, you little works council mouse.

- Well, you're in a good mood...
- He's flitting with the rubbers!

- Oh, I don't know...
- Why?

Oh, now everything is here again....

Oh, that with Sabine...
with this works council... somehow...

Really? Already over?
I didn't realize that.

The whole day...
today everything goes wrong...

I'm sure it's not that bad, and tomorrow
tomorrow is your birthday...

Yes, we have a lot of things to do tomorrow,
what Tanja?

This morning you should have seen him
you should have seen him, he was still...

- And now he hangs around here...
- I know that...

- Leave it, Ernie...
- It was had something....

We can... have a drink or something...
have a drink or something...

- Sure...
- I thought that after work we could--.

You can call me again.
I have to go back now...

- We can also do this tomorrow morning...
- I'll be in touch.

I get along quite well with her,
with Tanja.

Oh Mr. Fritsche, that is good,
that I catch you.

Because of the parking lot, so from my point of view
I don't want to hinder you...

I have already
already forwarded.

There is no need to do that.
Here is my parking card.

The works council
will take action in any case.

Works council is nonsense now,
Mr... Fritsche.

We can talk about anything.
I am basically of the opinion--

I would like to go on now.

[Stromberg whistles]

Well, Ulf,
the thing with the promotion stands.

Berkel didn't know anything.


...the Berkel is not
not decisive at all.

This is decided at the top.
Such a thing decides no woman.

Apropos, what is actually
with the works council... what was its name?

- Sabine.
- Sabine.

- I've called it a day.
- But that's not good...

- You told me to--
- Nah, nah... so, yeah....

But you can remember that right away,
once you have my position.

Always be flexible.

Being a boss means...
Being a weasel!

- Weasel?
- Yes.

Yes, these animals.

Jesus those little furry ones,
they're always so...

The Turculu is just making out with 'nem
Rolli driver because of my parking place

a giant barrel on, totally silly.
If this goes all the way to the top...

then I can't just...

but also...

And you too, this armchair here,
you can kick it into the garbage can.

But I thought,
the promotion stands.

Here stands only the water,
and that up to here. Do you understand that!

We need the works council cabin,

who has to put in a good word
put in a good word for me,

and not just one, but several,
whole good sentences.

I don't think it will work with Sabine,
in a hurry. I can't do that.

Try, try, try.
I need those, so we,

otherwise it's all over

Always remember:

[Beeps like a weasel]


- What?
- Yes, yes, weasel is clear.


- Sip?
- I... during working hours....

Actually, I don't either.

- Oh, is the buffet open yet?
- I only have a sip...

That didn't work out at all then
yesterday, with the singing practice.

But that doesn't matter, we can
also now, I have prepared something.

Ernie, that was yesterday
not meant so seriously...

You just sing "Who is small
and often smells of beer"

to the tune of
"Great God, we praise you".

- Let's not do that...

- Or wait for "Olé we go to whorehouse
to Barcelona" wait a minute...

"Great God, we praise you"!

- I could be offended!
- Yes, as an example, Tanja.

- I have to...
- Do you know "The cock is dead", canon?

I thought, since it's my birthday today,
I just give you something...

I won't let you buy me.

do you think, then everything
all right again? What do you think?

- Now open it first...
- Really...sometimes giddy, sometimes hot!

- I am a weasel!
- A what?

- A weasel...these animals, so....

There I am now
but really curious...

The rooster is dead, the rooster is dead...
Now you!

The rooster is dead, The rooster is dead.
This is working out just fine.

And from the text we do at the beginning:
Ulf is stupid, Ulf is stupid.

Attention. [Ernie and Erika.]
The Ulf is stupid, the Ulf is stupid.

The Ulf is stupid. The...
What is going on here?

- We have only...
- The Ulf has birthday today...

Do you know
"Ulf... the cock is dead"?

Tell me, do you have the ass open?

75 B estimated.

Ey, this is so bad of you.
What are you actually pulling here?

Now I understand some things.

- There's also a map with it.
- Nah, I don't want to read this card.

- Listen...
- No, why, something cheap like that...

...and then with such a bad taste...

[Ernie] Shit on the edge of the plate...

O ladiladi o... not recognized as mustard.

O ladiladi o...

- [All] O ladiladi--
- Wait a minute.

Shit on the executive floor...

O ladiladi o...

Would be for the Mrs. Berkel 'ne embarrassment.

[Stromberg mutters to himself.]

[Sabine grumbles in the background]

[Ulf] Hello! Hello! we go,
with very big steps.

the Ulf grabs the Sabine
from behind at the shoulders...

Make but times with here! behind Wuppertal.....lalalala...
and the polonaise...

Shall no one believe that here
in such an insurance

would always be so serious.
Can also be funny.

So, kids.

Since we are so cozy together
together, we might as well

to finish the official business:
Ulf, where are you?

With 28 there were... many good ones already dead:


Picasso, Beethoven, as they are all called.
The Ulf, however, not

Therefore a round of applause!

The Ulf is stupid, the Ulf is stupid.

- Great God we praise you...
- Hold on.

Ulf is a great guy...
that's why...

What is this?
But that's a nice present.

That's enough, ne!

And therefore I wanted to say:

The Ulf is stupid, the Ulf is stupid.



I'm not used to such sparkling wine,
so early in the day.

Sometimes I ride... when nobody is looking,
then I ride bumper cars here.

And the next ride is backwards!

A fast ride... you have to
have to be there, you have to have experienced it...

This is fun, this is fun!

- This one is on the house...
- Thank you!

Please... yes I can and must
say the best about my employees.

Cheers. Ulf...

Ulf is ambitious...

Extremely ambitious.
I don't want to say pathological.

Yes? I always had the impression
he needs a kick in the butt.

Right. Also.

And that's an explosive mixture.
It has to be said.

Anyway, he really wants to be
to be my successor.

I guess he has also because of that,
not entirely altruistically,

sought proximity to the works council,
Sabine. I'll say Sabine, yes.


I am the Bernd.

To the top...
here again Rambazamba.

There is Mrs. Berkel.
Also a champagne?

We have just discussed the Fritsche

Mr. Stromberg has explained to me
explained his point of view...

- We're out of champagne...chips?
- I expressed myself clearly there...

If Mr. Stromberg gives the parking place
to Mr. Fritsche...

The Flitsche can have it...

- You shouldn't always say flitsche!
- Flitsche.

Later I will also say flitsche...

You must know
what you are doing here, don't you?

- Mrs. Stromberg...
- Works council-wise, this is...

The Mr. Flitsche, the Mr. Fritsche
can have the...

Tanja, shall I drive you home?

Come on.

Finished with Tanja.
Closing time.

We are no longer together.

You can also tell the others.
Tanja and I, there is nothing more going on.

From my side.

From my side!