Stromberg (2004–2012): Season 1, Episode 2 - Feueralarm - full transcript

[Bercel] Especially highlight.
I would like to mention Mr. Turculu,

who passed the exam with a 1.7.

[all applaud]

And that mind you
as further education besides work,

so to speak, on vacation.

Exactly this does not happen to me
again. Next year

I'll be back at the Ballermann,
I tell you!

Very great, very great.

Thank you very much, Mrs. Berkel.

This morbid ambition is.
not necessarily my hobby.

This is the kind of thing you know from people
who are very small.

Hitler. Berti Vogts.

Or people who otherwise
somehow have a shortcoming: Turks,

or other minorities,

Who have to compensate for something.
Don't have to.

I'm happy after all.
I'm fine after all.

Personal and career-wise.
I'm doing just fine.

[Theme song]

Remarkable, the Turculu family has been in Germany
short time in Germany.

The Turculu is great,
I always said.

Here, let's see your yodeling diploma.


Your departments will be merged soon
merged, from what I hear.

Yes, I think there is
also a lot of talk.

Stop Stromberg,
otherwise the whole line goes

to our
New graduate here, huh?

Administration school graduate,
so much time must be!

Is also
cheaply made here, isn't it?

Just written down like that.
I thought,

I write
in addition 'an A in stapling,

but failed in stamp licking.

[Stromberg laughs, no one else.]

[intrusive cell phone tone]

"You can go home,
You can go home"

What an awesome game!

Yes, we looked at Spritti.

Ey, he made mud bowls.
Old Swede!

Here is non-smoker! I've told you
I told you a hundred times!

Spritti was full as a bucket, sure.

The whole office is non-smoking.
It says so everywhere!

I tell you, the last two gates
he hasn't seen at all.

He was totally drunk, ey...

- There are regulations and everything!
- And you are at half past one...

As soon as the others see,
they can do it with you,

Then they'll do it too.
Of course.

And that's why you always have to
immediately bang on the table,

As soon as the others... That they immediately
know "Oh oh! With that we can

Not so easy.
This... that's 'a killer"

[Ulf on phone, Bert coughs.]
Dude, why don't you call me?

Yeah, like, work,
I work here!

So, now not really natural.
Just... inwardly.

Mr. Turculu,

would you have a moment?
I don't want to interrupt now--

Oh well, in a few days there will be
champagne again anyway, right?

- Why?
- How do you know that?

One of the few days that are
are marked red in my calendar.

- Why?
- It's my birthday, nothing big.

[Stromberg laughs]

He still earns the golden
Turculu, the colleague.

Did you know that
about Tuberkel's birthday?

And is there something planned

so we do that what...
or how?

So we give a little something,
but... You can

yes participate, maybe.

Yes, that, that...

[Copy machine buzzes]

[Tanja] What an asshole, really!

"Somehow it's nothing with us anymore."
What is'n that for'n sentence anyway?

"Somehow it's nothing with us anymore."
So'n shit!

[Erika] Her Roland has broken up with her.

He must have a total tit
under his pony, really!

I mean, if I were a man
and you were a woman like you,

I would in a thousand years
I would not break up with you.

Oh, Ernie...

Well, when love falls,
I always say...

Oh oh, butt out miss! For this we have
we have an extra room next door!

Isn't that right, Mr. Blockkeeper?! I don't want to see
I don't want to see that here again.

Now leave Tanja alone!
This is an exception, because of

something mental, and there
she can smoke as much as she wants...

Her Roland has broken up with her.

Man, hang it up
on the bulletin board!

Maybe one or the other
the one or other not yet!

[Fire alarm goes off]

Don't panic, it's just a drill.
Came yesterday the house message

This is just a drill! Don't panic!!!

Well, then...
I'll save you.

It would be a pity
for the best woman in the house.

[Alarm siren continues to sound.]


And who will save me?

So, ladies and gentlemen,
that was almost ten minutes,

until you were all here, which according to
new fire protection ordinance but

must go much faster.

Mr. Stromberg, this also applies to you!

The elevator did not come!

In case of fire the elevator is
not to be used.

- It does not burn!
- But theoretically.

Theoretically I have also taken
I also took the stairs.

Now can please
the fire safety officers

from the respective departments come forward?

Ah yes, Turculu department.

And from your department Mr. Stromberg?

Um... Bämbämbäm...

The new regulation has been
in force for almost eight months.

Are you telling me that you
haven't been able to get it right until now?

Oh, there he is! Ulf,
why don't you say anything?

- What?
- Yes, it doesn't matter.

You are
the fire safety officer at M-Z?

Then you should
take this a little more seriously in the future.

I know this is annoying, but
it's for your own safety.


As a boss you have to
be impregnated against surprises,

because the devil is a squirrel!

And as a boss you have to
be the squirrel,

that still has hidden somewhere
a few extra nuts hidden somewhere.

So that the other squirrels
don't find them.

So that the, with the... Uh...
Do you understand?

This is the first rung
On the career ladder, Ulf!

Fire safety officer??
Sorry, what does that have--

Hello? This is pure responsibility!
And if you can handle it--?

- The sky is The limit, I say.
- But I don't want to do that.

Life is not a wishful thinking concert, Ulf.
I would also rather

lie in the sun or

on a plump seventeen year old
or something.

Instead I stand unfortunately
here with you now.

- Yes, but--
- But, but, but!

The Berkel did not
not for nothing.

Do you want to disappoint her?

Is that what you want?
Is that what you want?

- No!
- If that's what you want, then please!

I like best.
my peace at work.

Everything nice and piano.

Privately it can go
get high, that's what it's all about.

When I am with my boys
on the road, you often have

often funfair in the skull
the other day.

And if there is also
is still theater...

But mostly there is nothing here.

[Telephone rings]

What's up?

Mhm. tatütata. Funny, yes...
You're already the fifth one today.

Ask me how that pisses me off, yo.

I mean women's representative,
that would have been something.

[Bert] Mr. fire safety officer!
There is a fire!

- Just the weirdo across the street.
- It's on fire!

Yeah, definitely, yo! You know,
I have here now such a huge...

It's really burning now.
Ulf! Ulf!



You are ticking
not quite clean anymore?!

[Title melody]

Flat hierarchies, yes?

Very important. And always two or three
open ears for the employees.

Yes, um, oh...

What is wrong now?
I have calculated everything myself.

Yes, but all the damage figures
here at Möllenbacher,

that all seems to me
strange to me, here for example.

If that's 7000, times eight....

- 56 000.
- Yes, just.

Ah yes, I made a mistake.
With something like that, you have to be quite open....

- And this one?
- Yes, zero forgotten.

There my calculator is broken.

But this below
is not true at all--

Oh, you...

Yes, no, I'll come later today.

I still have to give a birthday present
for the tubercle--

Yes, Mrs. Berkel... right.
Tell me, do you have any ideas,

what can you do to a woman...?

That's nonsense, I gave you
last year this scarf--

Yes, or the year before last.

Huh? Of course plaid suits you!

Honey, I just wanted to--

Radio hole!

Okay, I'll calculate all this again.
Anything else?

- Nah, that was mainly--
- Good.

Meal. May I?

Always bunny food...

Fear for the slim line
you really don't have to be afraid.

Here, Königsberger meatballs.

Do you have in the meantime
the numbers from Möllenbacher?


- Good. I need these tomorrow--
- Take a look at this,

not a caper!
This cook should be deported....

Meatballs without capers, that's like
a dog without tail,

So in the back... Tail...

Speaking of which, are you actually single?


Uh...Well, I mean, we have been working
for such a long time now

together, but still
so side by side.

You must have hobbies, like to
like to go away or something.

Mr. Stromberg, your department

has not implemented the new fire
have not been implemented.

Nah, that's going on too....


The Berkel, well Mrs. Berkel is yes.
officially my supervisor.

I always say tubercle.

Or Eva Braun.
So internal.

Are you alright?

Who today has something against career-fixated
women in management has,

he can pack it in.

- If you want me to cheer you up....
- You'll be fine, Ernie.

I'm totally good at cheering you up.

When my mother's
the sister died,

I played Monopoly with her
and then it went again.

This fire protection shit
is getting on my nerves!

Now also still comes
First aid in addition!

If this goes on, you will have to
have to work properly at the end, eh?

Or do you know "Catch the Hat"?
That's actually for kids...

- Poor, poor Ulf!
- Can also be played as an adult.

Tell me, didn't you
told me that you once

you wanted to be a nurse,
or something?

- You remember that?
- Sure.

You're really paying attention
when I tell you something.

Ah, now first have a smoke.

I am not used to this
from men.

- Uh, am I men or what?
- Aren't you?

Wait, let me take a look?

Yes, so... Right?

- Ah, that's a good one!
- Let me look again?

[Bert starts to cough]


You know first aid!
Tell Tanja, can we

go through this together.
I can't figure this stuff out.

Stable lateral position
I'll get it right.

[Bert has another coughing fit]
Tanja, can you briefly...?

What's going on here?

You're not supposed to smoke here!

- Hello Ulf, fire protection?!
- That was just...

- Practicing in there?
- Practicing in there.

The arm is here like this as a support.

[both are audibly having fun.]

Wait a minute, I'm pulling
just taking off my jacket.

Horny fallen...

Now everything
to the left I think...

- Ouch, and now the leg...
- The head!

- Oh, right, the head...
- The poor head is important after all!

[Ernie] With women, that's just.
not yet so resulted with me.

My mother also always says,
don't you want to get married,

don't you want to have children,

don't you want to at least
get your driver's license?

But everything in its time,
I think.

That's the way it is.

[Tanja] All junk here...

Oh sweetheart, what remains for us
from the men,

Either junk or 'a child.

- That's the way it is.
- Now listen to this, please.

[the thing speaks
in comic voice]

- What do you have there?
- Oh, that's just...

- Oh, this is for massage.
- Nah, this one.

That too. An acquaintance
sells these. This is quite wonderful,

Against tension and everything.

[the part gives
a loud buzzing sound]

Mhm, you can do it like that, ne?

There is also a massage table.
Is not quite cheap, but

- I get percentages there.
- I'm still looking for something for...

Maybe you get
a demonstration unit!

Not bad, said the dowel.
Do you also have such a thing?

Oh no,
You are in firm hands.

There is also so
neatly off, right?

[Piano music]

[Coffee maker bubbling]


Ah, Mr. Stromberg, you have indeed
actually the thing...

Mhm... Thanks again
For the percentages and so.

- Not for that, may I?
- Nope.

Uh yes, but don't do it right away....

It's already big, isn't it?

You can say that!

But if I
would be the tubercle now,

I would think, boah,

Stromberg, he is nice.

So generous.
Or rather capable...

Or would you think as Berkel, that
is now... ostentatious?

How now? This is for the Berkel?
Well, by golly...

Don't you think that might be
a bit... big, like that?

So, stand up. Come on.

You must
everything the same... uh...

- Yes... and up.
- Yes!

- But that was nice.
- Yes yes, was nice.

- Enjoy your meal, Mr... Turculu!
- Enjoy your meal, Mr. Stromberg!

Well, you almost have to
almost eat the soup today, right?


Well, if you now
the pork now, then

there's later in heaven
no more virgins.

That's how it is with you, isn't it?


As far as I know.
Wiener schnitzel is made of veal.

- Do you have training on Fridays as well?
- Training?

Because of the restructuring there is
an introduction on Friday

for the new management staff.
Didn't Ms. Berkel give you any--

Oh, I see, the training, the--.
Dentist. I can't.

Do you already have a
Present for the Berkel?

I don't know yet.

I have already
a bigger little thing.

Mrs. Berkel is rather
on such small, original things.


Mouth-blown toilet paper rolls
from handicapped workshops, or what?

I eat 'n pudding or what...

[the massage chair hums,
Stromberg groans in relaxation]

[muffled footsteps
of ladies' shoes]

What is this?

This is, uh... You should
actually... That's not for me.

The... This is...

The numbers of Möllenbacher,
I have from you there,

that is not correct at all
and not at all.

I can not imagine
actually not at all...

Until tomorrow I will have
the right numbers, and... this device

stands then better
also at your home.

Mrs. Berkel, I have thought again
thought about this

this training on Friday,
for the leadership...

might be quite good,
if I also--

I don't think
that you are eligible for it.

Why, you have to
but also see in the overall context,

and there I am mostly
always relatively good...

How would you like
me then positively notice in the short term?

[The blind rattles,
as the door closes]

With the couch Mrs. Berkel.
With the couch.

Mr. Stromberg, I still have
a present for Mrs. Berkel,

Can we perhaps
get together and...

Nah, Mr. Stromberg
already has something, right?

Yes, whereas, well...
What were you thinking of?

Yes, that's it,
I can't think of anything.

Here colleague Turculu
he does it right.


I have nothing yet, but maybe
two tickets for Robbie Williams.

He auctions them on the Internet.

Is actually sold out,
she must be freaking out!

She is the world's biggest
Robbie Williams fan.

- You can say that...
- Yes, yes, that is known...

Seating. Right at the front of the stage.

Not quite as rare as the blue
Mauritius, but almost as expensive.


Right front...

Do this.

- Here, is this it?
- Stage right, row two, right.

Didn't know you were interested in
interested in Robbie Williams.

That's the end of the auction.
Twenty minutes to go...

Highest bidder at the moment is

Yes, that's him, Turculu....

What is it,Turculu?
Oh, they're already at 190 euros now.


It doesn't matter,
we have to get over it.

And if now again overbid?
Well, I would like to still, but

I must because of the fire protection still--

Yes, I'll manage myself then.

I just have to...

as Stromberg presses the button]

As a boss, you have to be a whisk.

Either you whisk
delicious cake batter or... Shit.

In any case, you always have to
whisk, whisk, whisk.

Must never stop. And if you
stop, then it's quitting time.

Rub the cat
and out the mouse.

Then the dough sticks to you.
Or the shit, as the case may be.

Well, you let yourself be comforted by Ulf
comfort you after all that one hears...

- Nonsense!
- Nonsense!

We have practiced a little
First Aid stuff...

Exactly, and more was
also not and basta!

I meant it nicely,
that is but 'n nice guy, the Ulf.

- He is!
- But there are also nicer...

Oh, in former times this would have been
so from the appearance.

Nonsense about the appearance!
Ulf, he is...

He has such cheeks and is here,
here is the so thick is the

and he is small and
how he walks and the hair, no,

so I find him nothing special,
I must honestly say, what Tanja?

Can we change the subject?

[you hear a lighter click]

[the fire alarm goes off]

- What is that?
- This is serious now.

Whenever I
just take a break!

I'll get you out of here

[Fire alarm, rapid footsteps.]

One, two... They'll be right there, yeah...

three, four, erica five, six, seven,
eight, nine, ten.


Mr. Höfler?
Oh, there...

And now... Stromberg is still missing.
Has anyone seen Stromberg?

No one has seen Stromberg?

Yes, then, I don't know either,
what to do then...

[Fire alarm]

Yes, Mrs., Mrs. Berkel I can't explain this
explain how that happens.

The false alarm was clearly triggered in
Your office, Mr. Stromberg.

Perhaps I, with my
hot-blooded nature by mistake

up there
got hold of this nubsi.

- Are you trying to take me for a fool?
- No, on the contrary!

"How nice that
you were born,

We would have missed you, you,
otherwise very much missed..."

Well, dear Mrs. Berkel,

for your special day I have prepared
a little something...

Long story short:

Here are two tickets for
the Robin Williams concert,

from whom we all know
that you like him so much.

- Congratulations...
- Mr. Stromberg!

This is for you.

[Piano music]

[Title melody]

So Erika, thank you very much.
Just bring those back again.

You know the owner there.
It's practically unused.

And see to it that I get
the full purchase price back, right?


But how should I
now without a car...