Stormester (2018–…): Season 5, Episode 8 - Hvad er en fadøl? - full transcript
I can't multitask!
- Take care, Mark.
- Lasse.
- Hell, they're tight.
- Eww, how disgusting.
- Why?!
- I can't anymore!
- That's damn draught beer.
- Sure.
It is for the last time this season I say:
Welcome to Stormester.
It is tonight that the adventure reaches its end.
One of our five travelers can walk away
from here and live happily ever after -
- while the four others must leave the party
with bowed heads and destroyed hopes.
My name is Lasse Rimmer. I’m the Stormester.
It’s me who must be final-spurt impressed -
- if one has hopes of victory. For about an
hour’s time the hope is still alive for: Linda P!
Simon Talbot!
Sofie Jo Kaufmanas!
Jonas Mogensen!
And Tobias Rahim!
And for the last time this season,
my faithful assistant, Mark le Fêvre.
An interesting little detail:
le Fêvre is French and means “le Fêvre”.
It means … well, that’s where I ended up.
What it is you’re sitting with there, is it for me?
Yes. I've poured you a draught beer.
It’s a classic draught beer. You know,
served from a keg under pressure -
- so that the carbon dioxide is released and proteins and bitter
substances accumulate on top in a wonderful layer of foam.
Classic draught beer. And yes, I'm sitting
here specifying what a draught beer is -
- because I may have made a blunder in one of
tonight’s tasks … I think we should just move on!
I’ll just place it here and get it out when I need it.
This is the last program of the season -
- so let us catch up on the overall position?
It’s close. I could elaborate on that.
- It's not close for everyone, is it?
- No, Linda is here as well.
- It's the sprint finish now.
- Yes, I'm getting them all now.
You can't win, Linda.
Are you visiting a former participant of Stormester -
- and pass by the toilet or another
place for storage of trophies -
- you will be able to recognize a winner if they
have a cheeky fellow like this standing in their home.
It is what we’re competing for.
- Where do we start, Mark?
- We start with a simple task.
So simple that one would think it
was just a setup for another task -
- but such trick-piss won't our participants
fall for twice in one season.
- Hi, Mark le Feminin.
- Teddy bears, cans …
Throw rice bags at cans and win a big teddy bear.
But the world is probably not that easy.
- Hi hi.
- Hey Tobias.
Welcome to …
"Knock over the cans and win a teddy bear.
You have one minute."
"Time starts now."
Congratulations, young lady.
I'll fetch you a prize.
You actually get the big one.
If you knock them all over, you win the big one.
- Here you go.
- Thank you. Oh, it's heavy.
I have a feeling it's going to be an Achilles’ heel, this.
- There’s a task on it.
- Oh no.
- "Move ten draught beers ..."
- Where the hell are the “draught bears”?
"... from the terrace to the igloo without spilling."
It's the one down there.
"You have to hold the teddy bear throughout the task."
- Hell, Mark, you big …
- Fuck, it's gonna be good.
"Do not step on the tiles while carrying draught beer."
And then you placed them there because
the stairs are over there. You are damn sly.
- "Fastest wins."
- Time starts now.
No panic, Mark.
I grant all of you the huge successes
you have to bring down cans.
You all won the big teddy bear,
but then there was another task.
Ten draught beers must be carried
from the terrace down into the igloo -
- and you have to carry the teddy bear you won.
Then there's just these rules:
First of all, do not spill. And more importantly,
do not step on the tiles while carrying the beers.
Again.
So the tiles on the terrace must not
be stepped on while moving beer?
- You should not step on them.
- So do not step on the tiles?
It's best not to.
Now we'll see Sofie.
Okay. I must not step on the tiles.
A tube!
- Is it coming?
- Yes.
You probably didn’t see that coming.
Maybe slightly more of a genius than you had anticipated.
Hear the beautiful hops flow.
No!
- What now?
- It's a fucking lie.
Drop filming my feet like that. On the tiles.
I've lost.
That will be difficult to evade.
How annoying you are.
I hate you so much … but mostly myself.
Fuck!
No, what a pity.
It’s the best when people are acting
all smug while losing their dignity.
I wish I had written a task called:
"Find the most ill-timed moment to call yourself a genius."
- Wasn’t it poor of me?
- Yes.
Great getting the elevator gaze from the camera.
I just thought he was checking me out.
You did not move any draught beer into the igloo,
and more importantly you stepped on the tiles -
- which means that you are disqualified.
- Yes!
- Linda ...
It's so cool. It's every time.
We have not seen Linda yet, so calm down.
Linda, we have not seen your solution.
Is this the one we need to look at?
- It’s almost too good to be true.
- Yes, or more like Linda's and mine solution.
One can assess whether we are a team
or whether I was exploited yet again.
If you drank all those draught beers
and ran down into the igloo …
They just have to be inside the igloo.
Let’s see how much you can drink.
Two, three, now.
And the next one.
Next.
No, I can sense that I’ve become a mother.
I'm getting worried about you.
Now all draught beers are going up here.
Shut up, beer smells so bad.
Men who have drank beer are just uncharming.
Fuck, beer is gross.
Put those behind me in front of me.
It has to be done a little faster, Mark.
No, how slow this is.
There is nothing wrong with suppressing people.
It’s only wrong to be oppressed, isn’t that how it is?
Like that.
Again. No, how slow this is.
Yes please. Then you’re going with me.
Like this.
You have to stay in here, because you're one of the
draught beers, too. I’m sorry I was a little hard on you.
So I say, "Drink these beers”, and then,
“Men who drink beer are so uncharming."
At times I think I just forgot about being filmed.
I just think the verdict will be: "Solved" or "Not Solved".
Not about how I behave during it.
It would be two-faced of me to scold
you for taking advantage of Mark.
But how many of your points do you think you owe Mark -
- because it sure looks like he does most of the work?
Arh, he got a quick peck.
He got a beer and some great company.
I don't think he should get points.
How long did "Linda" take to move the draught beer?
We spent 11 minutes and 53 seconds.
Not that impressive for ten draught beers -
- but it's enough for a preliminary first place.
We fly directly to Tobias Rahim.
I could probably do it in a smarter way.
They're just going into the igloo, right?
I hear you saying that you have a feeling that it
could be done smarter. I don't know if it could?
It is good. I just didn’t have a great energy around it.
Looks like I've solved it.
Tobias is like this before an exam:
"I don't know how it will go!"
"Well, did I just get 12?"
[top mark in school; A+/A in US]
While the rest of us:
"I gave everything I had in me …”
And then it's just such a random thing … tiles!
You have not seen me. I'm worse.
When it feels easy … There usually is a "but".
Not only here, but throughout life.
We're doing a terrible job, and you then say it feels easy …
And you are so good!
I do not know what it is about a sixth sense in Tobias.
You say you have the feeling that a "but" is coming.
Did I hype you too much?
There is no "but." That is a good solution.
- It seemed to go lightning fast.
- It did, not to rub it in.
Tobias did it in 2 minutes and 49 seconds.
I can already reveal that without
comparison it is the fastest time.
- Nobody does the job faster?
- No.
But it all works fine as an introduction
to Simon, as we shall now see.
Now we've seen how smart and fast it can be done -
- and now we must see the other end of the spectrum.
Gaffer tape!
Had someone just done this for my dad in my upbringing.
Oh, I have a lot of draught beer in my stomach.
But I can carry you carrying draught beer.
Oh God …
It was one.
I am not allowed to carry draught beer,
but it didn’t say anything about canned beer.
Now I'm moving canned beers.
- I wonder if there could be another technique?
- I don't think so.
Do you want one?
Three, two, one, time!
I won, Mark.
I do not know what the last …
What the last one is doing here.
Did you feel worse than that time
you drank blended meatballs?
Well, I threw up afterwards.
I think I drank two liters of draught beer.
If you think I’ve behaved strangely in some tasks,
I can reveal that we had four more after this …
... before I was myself again.
We are only missing Jonas Mogensen,
who we know doesn’t do it faster than Tobias.
No. But you should prepare yourselves for -
- an upside down turn of events,
because that man knows his draught beer.
Well, damn it. I'm not getting very far with that.
Teddy bear!
- It's light beer.
- Yes. Does it taste good?
No. Where did you fill up those draught beers?
- Where we filled them?
- Yes, where's the draught beer setup?
We have poured them up from cans.
Then it's not a draught beer.
It says draught beer in the task.
I can spill all I like, then. It isn’t draught beer.
It does not matter, because it isn’t draught beer.
It's not even close to being draught beer.
- It is those.
- I could taste it right away.
Where is the nearest pub?
Then there's damn draught beer, Mark.
I would like to have ten draught beers.
What the hell do you need that many draught beers for?
Now my brain is running …
Are they for you, all of them?
Uh, no … They're going into an igloo.
It's a slightly longer story.
That's damn draught beer!
- Ten draught beers delivered in the igloo.
- Yes. It is received.
- Time?
- Yes, it is there at least.
This task, I must emphasize -
- was not written as a con task,
where you should see through -
- that Mark just didn't bother to get real draught beers!
- Mark gets zero points. We all get five.
- Agreed.
It’s very simple, because draught beer is
significantly more expensive than cans -
- and there’s a small tendency to me not getting
paid back when I have laid out for things.
So I thought, now we take cans, but …
And now it dawns on you that it is
not only your fault but also mine.
I shouldn’t have given you that responsibility,
that I realize now. But having said that ...
I’ll have to re-examine Linda and Tobias too.
It does not help to be angry with me,
but you have not moved draught beer.
You do not have that, and it is not …
And if you're angry now, I can understand that -
- but I wouldn’t have discovered anything if it
had not been for Jonas. It’s because of Jonas.
- I'll carry that burden.
- It’s Jonas’ fault that you are disqualified.
- You have not moved the draught beers!
- Lasse …
Oh no, what a pity. So sad.
My intuition won. I knew it.
- I could feel there was a "but."
- You should have tasted them.
But no, no. That’s how it is when one’s body is a temple.
It takes “red wine tits” to win this draught beer thing.
I'm going to disqualify four participants.
Jonas Mogensen gets five points as the only one.
Are you okay?
Mark, what now?
Just before we went on stage, Jonas said:
"Tonight comes the one I didn’t understand at all."
I can comfort you with the fact that no one did.
Mark le Freshwater rather than saltwater.
It's so homely with a rook.
My parents live just by a forest with a rook family.
They've lived there for ten years and now it's hell …
This will be, too.
- Mark, what is this?
- What do you think?
- It looks like an electronic anklet.
- It's dangerous to make me wear this when I'm bald.
Now all sorts of women will be sitting there
wanting to write a letter, "I can save him!"
It's letters.
It looks shitty for a half-dyslexic kid like me.
"Find your way through the word maze from start to finish."
"When the ankle brace beeps,
go back to start and wait 10 seconds."
What?
"Fastest through the word maze ... wins."
- "Time starts now."
- From start to finish. There’s the goal.
Just to understand … the word maze?
You're in the word maze right now.
It is really fun!
Mark, maybe you can help Linda get a little wiser on the rules.
- You have to go from start to finish.
- Yes, thank you, Mark, but …
If the ankle brace starts beeping, it's back -
- wait ten seconds and try again.
The big challenge is figuring out when
or why the damn anklet is beeping.
Exciting. Who are we going to see?
Let's try with Linda and Jonas.
- Then you must return.
- I can not figure this out at all.
It may be English words. Then we write "single".
Single! Arh ...?
You got really far there.
I could not.
What the hell?
- Mark, what is it I can not figure out?
- There are several things.
Okay. Danish word, three fields.
Trying to move on with "godte" [goody].
"Godten" [the goody].
It has nothing to do with it.
- What the hell is going on here?
- Then it's back again.
What!?
There is no connection at all. It's completely random.
But now I'm in goal, Mark. It feels good.
- Congratulations.
- Thanks. I have no idea what we just did.
- But you reached the finish line. It is most important.
- You say so.
Well, Mark. I have a life. I have to move on.
- Have you figured it out?
- I had time to think … No.
Two participants have solved the task.
No one has understood the rules.
But they are still noted for winning times, so what are they?
Linda spent 4 minutes and 15 seconds.
Jonas managed it in 5 minutes and 30 seconds.
A little worse.
The task is not to understand the rules -
- but to solve the task.
Does anyone get closer to seeing through the task?
Let's look at Sofie's attempt.
I can give a hint … It doesn’t beep based on where you stand.
- It's more something you do.
- Oh!
A - G - N …
A - G - N … "agent".
It's over there.
No!
A - G - E - N …
- Is there anything called "saltgnu"?
- A salt-what?
Saltgnu. Is it a real animal?
"No". [ingen]
"Or". [eller]
"Silence". [stilhed]
"Good day, bk saltgnu."
"No or silence."
"Saltgnu"?
Maybe it doesn't like it if I'm being quiet!
It only likes it when I’m talking.
And if I keep talking, then I have to talk all the way.
If I talk all the time, nothing happens!
- Congratulations.
- Thanks. No silence.
No silence.
- Yes!
- It's super cool.
- Well seen.
- I was on my honeymoon in Africa.
There we saw a flock of “saltgnu” being chased by “pepperlions”.
Super cool. A great nature experience
you just reminded me of there. Thanks.
It tastes piss good on top of liver paté.
And a little bit of jelly.
Relax, what a connoisseur you are.
You know both draught beer and saltgnu?
You just have to talk all the time,
but it's always awkward with Mark.
Now I want to reveal the rules to you.
They appear in the word maze.
"No questions or silence." Five points!
- No questions or silence!
- I figured it out, Lasse. Handsome Lasse.
When we highlighted it in red?
I just said that I get it now, Mark.
It is true. If one is not quiet, all is well.
Questions also make it beep.
And saltgnu isn’t of any use.
How long did it take?
- 6 minutes and 21 seconds.
- What did Linda take?
- What did you take?
- Much shorter.
- Insanely faster.
- You shouldn’t have clung like that to the gnu, huh?
Mark, now we know how it works.
Who are we going to see now?
Tobias Rahim, the man who enjoys
seeking for an underlying meaning -
- but here I must say that this isn’t exactly the right task for it.
Should I write something?
G-O-O-D.
Then I have "good", right? Is "good" or …
Good or what? Good or evil?
It beeps. I'm trying a new strategy.
Could it be like a game of Twister?
I was thinking somewhere you should …
It makes no sense.
It says "Silence".
"Good salt". "Good abk salt".
"The salty silence".
Oh … Now I'll try again.
- Nor was it.
- Do you know what I could do?
What does such a question mark mean?
"Good".
"Good or".
There. Was it just that?
"Good or"?
Sometimes I just look for a bigger meaning. Thanks for now.
That is a well behaved man saying thank
you for now, but you do not mean it one bit.
- I meant: "Thanks for NOW!"
- The End. Never again.
I had received some money and
had to come again the next day.
You know Mondays.
Back again. "Hey, boss. Sorry."
How much of that Monday did Tobias spend?
23 minutes and 40 seconds.
But you did it!
- We are missing a single one.
- Yes, Simon Talbot.
He grew up in Jehovah's Witnesses,
but just because he has let go of God -
- it is not certain that God has let go of you, Simon?
Okay, so we'll try to go here. Hey.
"Salt". Salt? Salt.
Goal!
Shut up, I'm a genius.
Oh my God, he's back again.
I bless you. I bless you all.
There are three times in a person's life
where God comes and helps you.
- Three times.
- I'm happy to receive it.
- That was one.
- You spend it on that.
I'm happy to receive it.
One down. One down.
If you have those kinds of contacts,
then why wait for the last program?
I don't want to draw too much on him.
How long did Simon Talbot spend solving the word maze?
And God.
It took Simon and God one minute and 59 seconds.
How are the points distributed?
One point for Tobias, two points for Sofie -
- three points for Jonas, four points for Linda -
- and five points for the child of God.
For the rest of this it’s Jesus Take the Wheel.
Mark, what are we going to do next?
I have the one with that cake that revolves?
Oh yeah. Fuck.
Hi, Mark le Færdigret [ready-prepared dish].
This is what I'll be ... I'm going to vomit from this.
Should we address the cake in the garden?
Well I never!
Should I grab that one maybe?
Snap! Tried it before.
- "Decorate the cake ..."
- "On the swivel arm." It is fun.
"Do not move the cake or fiddle with the turning apparatus."
- It will be fun. It is fun.
- Fuck.
- "Most beautifully decorated cake wins."
- "You have 200 revolutions."
"Time starts now."
Are you the decorating type?
Okay, that's really fun. Well thought of.
And you are the cake base.
And you over here are the filling.
Okay. Well. Damn good.
It will be such a “gratværk” [mess], I can feel it already now.
The cake must be decorated while turning.
There is one thing to clarify -
- for anyone who is not familiar with
“Northern-fiord” speech. Gratværk?
Sticky stuff. I don't know. Gratværk. What the hell?
- Frosting on the fingers and all that annoying stuff.
- It's gratværk.
Shall we see Jonas rummage through some gratværk?
Let's see if he gets into some gratværk.
It's not ... Hell.
Yes!
Yes.
Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.
I consider this candle my trial of strength.
Hell. Is this part of the pastry school these days?
Now I think well, I understand what gratværk is.
I am satisfied. I thought it was nice.
Mark, it was one cake.
Who are we going to see now?
On to a great man with great ideas
and great ambitions: Tobias.
I think there’s only one thing to do here.
Getting up on that one.
I'm just making it over here.
Think that a man who does not like cake -
- can make such a beautiful cake.
I'm more into salty food.
No!
Hey! No. It's wilder than before.
I do not have it completely just yet.
I feel like I've lost.
I’m the cake!
Beautiful women in the Danish countryside -
- will know that I'm edible.
Tobias Rahim!
I could tell it would not work out, just from the start.
Even when it does not succeed,
you approach with a winning energy.
Decorate the cake next to it, place it on the arm. Solved.
Then there’s the fact that the cake won’t stay put.
Don't any of you have a jaunty remark?
Because I think it speaks for itself.
You sound like the confirmation requests I get about standup.
"You just go in there and say something jaunty."
We have seen two cakes so far.
Who will try to impress with their pastry skills now?
We will experience a duo.
It is Sofie … and her inability to understand the rules.
Then we are ready with another cake layer.
Well, I did not want that either.
I could also try to get up on it.
Lovely!
A slender little lass.
- Wait, there was something about not fiddling …
- What does the task say?
I'd fiddled with the apparatus.
Get started with you.
Get running! Drive it around!
Fuck. Well, the cake has moved itself. I can do nothing about it.
Not responsible for it all. After all, what happens happens.
The cake just bursted right off.
Some will think that it’s my responsibility.
But a Stormester will recognize when one
isn’t responsible for all that happens.
- Hooray.
- Well. Thanks. I'm going in.
- How bad it was.
- It should be handled with composure and overview.
- So we are missing two participants.
- Linda, what did you just say? Handled with what?
Composure and overview.
- I completely agree.
- Let's see what it looks like.
- Composure and overview.
- I must not fiddle with it …
If you were to throw a wheelbarrow at someone -
- she would not say: "He fiddled with me."
This can not be called a "MeToo" case.
- Hold it level.
- I'm holding it level.
Everything can be saved with whipped cream.
Like that.
This is option one, but I can decorate it even better.
You should try to make a nice edge around here.
- We need to go for a cleaner look.
- Now it looks like something, don’t you agree?
And then give us a little smile. So.
No! Isn't that a cake?
Me too. See ya.
Gotta make a cake and decorate it up.
You think you are so smart.
How come this isn’t fiddling with the apparatus?
It is the spade that fiddles.
I'm not fiddling with it, as Frank Jensen would say
[scandalized former politician].
You’re fiddling with it. Yes … Just like I fiddled.
We've fiddled, Linda, let’s just acknowledge it.
Now we need to specify the definition of the word "fiddle". [pille]
According to the dictionary, it is:
"Touching or working with your fingers -
- often inquisitive, absent-minded or nervous."
- I was very absent.
- Then you fiddled.
- No! I'm not touching it!
- Zero points, unfortunately.
I bring forth the wheelbarrow and I am very present.
My intention was not to have any alterations to the device.
I wrote "fiddle," and I don't see any:
"Investigative, absent, or nervous finger work."
I hate to say it, but I accept all solutions. Even Sofie's.
After all that word-splitting I want to see the cakes and assess -
- which is the most beautifully decorated. Okay.
Yes please. From bottom to top, which I rate -
- I give one point to Tobias and two to Jonas.
You are not surprised, I think.
Then we have the three cakes that
actually involve some cake artistics.
Three points for Linda.
What do I like best? I like marshmallows.
- Five points for Simon.
- Five?
- Four for you.
- It is beautifully decorated.
This is quite mournful, actually, because we only
have a single task left in my Stormester house.
What task have we saved for the very end?
We have to throw ourselves into a real duel.
And I don’t know if you already know this, but Mark le Fêvre
is actually French and means … A qualified competitor.
- Hi, Mark.
- Hi, Mark le Femkant [pentagon].
- Hi, Mark.
- Hi Sofie.
Exciting with those little gloves here. I like them.
- Driving gloves? Shall we go speeding?
- A damn lovely glove.
- "Invent a duel ..."
- "... and duel …”
"... against Mark."
- "Most equal ..."
- "... and exciting duel wins."
"Most equal"?
I should not choose something I am much better at.
- "You have 20 minutes."
- "Time starts now."
Okay. It is fun.
What are you mediocre at?
What are you good at, Mark le Fêvre?
What the hell do I know how to do?
It annoys me that I have to dig like that.
Who gets a stretch sheet on fastest?
Make a bed, completely.
Without wives.
"A duel is an agreed upon combat wielded with lethal weapons."
One could duel about folding a ship.
- Food competitions!
- So what to eat?
- Flødeboller. I am good at eating those. [Danish snack dessert]
- What does the modern man do? What do we care about?
What are the things we are dueling in?
It should be a masculinity triathlon.
- I’ll go out and warm up.
- Yes, do it.
Eights, eights, eights.
Yes. I look forward to watching five duels.
As stated in the task, it is the most
exciting and equal duel that wins.
It is irrelevant who wins. Right, Mark?
It is completely unimportant who …
- who wins. It has nothing to do with anything.
With those words, I just think we should see Linda.
Three, two, one, now.
How are you already there? Linda, wait!
- I'm gonna make it.
- No!
- What did I do wrong?
- So, Lasse. Then, I am done.
Then, I am done. Like that, Mark!
Time!
Then you can judge for yourself who has the most beautiful -
- and who should probably be referred to
some sort of helper by the municipality.
You can not suppress that competitive instinct.
Not when it's Mark. You try a little: "It's a family program" -
- but I just enjoy winning over him in everything.
But it should be an equal duel, and you
make some sounds, to try and rattle him?
- No, it was to make it exciting! You wanted excitement.
- So those were the exciting sounds?
But the equal part has been cut out.
Mark. We love each other, we do.
You have to tell how I've been sitting
and teaching you this very carefully.
That’s your version of equal? Something you
are already so good at that you can teach it?
You talk way too much in this program.
I've taught you. It was completely equal.
- Who's the next duellant?
- Simon Talbot.
A triathlon was made in masculinity.
When you look at me and Simon, it may sound a little hollow.
- Hey!
- So it was …
- It was not aimed at you.
- Well okay.
First post in my triathlon.
You win by making the best bearnaise.
Shut up, how manly this is.
- Thicken the sauce.
- No, you're close to curdling.
- Fuck!
- No!
Shut up. So.
Incredibly close match, but it will be 1-0 for you.
Like that!
Latte art!
Come on.
Then we skim the smiley over.
Three, two, one. Step away from your latte art.
- Sun above Gudhjem.
- 1-1. You can still make a comeback.
Last post of the masculinity triathlon:
Talk emotions.
I can sometimes find it a little difficult -
- that my parents don’t always understand what I do.
I never got a hug from my dad.
Once in primary school they said ...
The class collected money and said:
"You get this money if we can
smash three eggs on your head."
And then they went out in front of everyone.
In front of the entire school.
And then they smashed only two eggs.
"Then you do not get the money anyway."
I cry once a week when I think of -
- that my little dog dies before I do.
- My little brother is multi-handicapped.
- My older brother is …
Well, not multi-handicapped, but he isn’t all that sharp.
That's just points to me.
I …
I thought a duel in the old days was out on the savannah.
Then it would have been a fight to the death or
something about jumping the highest. I thought:
"You know what, what are modern men competing in?"
That is bearnaise, latte art and talking emotions.
I like it, but I've only seen two duels.
- What can you tempt with now?
- Tobias.
At the risk of losing my job, I have to say it was pretty cool.
One point, two points.
And if you make a strong shout,
you get to double up your points.
I know where you live, you ass.
I think it counts. Because you hit it.
If it sticks, there’s a zero behind the points.
Maybe the time is ripe for Little Master instead!
[Lillemester, opposite of Stormester]
It hit. Ten points.
With the right powerful shout, and if it's stuck in -
- a zero is added at the back. That is 200 points.
Look at this. Look at this.
Okay, think Tobias, think Tobias, think Tobias.
Rahim!
It sits! It went in!
200 points!
Congratulations to the winner.
The greatest achievement is that you find a duel -
- where you throw knives at a picture of me.
And I sit here cheering you on.
We could have chosen many other
pictures, but we went with that one.
Yes, you did. You chose that image. You did.
Thanks for the duel. Who are we going to see now?
Before, we saw Linda where winning was so not important.
Well, I've realized it's rubbish -
- because now we have to see Jonas' and Sofie's duel.
It's the duel. Fastest extra bed.
It must be presentable.
You should be able to put your mother
in it with an easy conscience.
I'm counting down, and then you just
have to eat your way through the board.
- It’s about getting to the middle first.
- Yes, getting to the … Queen flødebolle.
Three, two, one, run!
- That was the wrong thing to do!
- Come on, you stupid pillow.
Shut up, it's stressful.
I have only done this when I was too tired.
Shouldn't you have some of them in your mouth?
No, they are zipped! Who has zipped them?
I can not find the zipper! No no no!
No! No, I didn't do it!
No! Fuck, Jonas! No!
Are you also about to throw up?
I just need the flødebolle.
Go away with you!
One always sleeps well after a victory.
This is how they ate flødeboller in the Roman Empire, Mark.
Mark, I can't any longer! I can't anymore!
Then you have to eat the Queen flødebolle.
Strawberry.
- Do you want to join me in throwing up?
- Yes.
When do you think you’ll feel
like having flødeboller again?
I think I ate one on the weekend,
two days later. It took two days.
I really was convinced that, "Oh, never again",
until I saw them on offer. Then I drove down a box.
How many did you eat, Mark?
Sofie fought her way through 23 flødeboller.
But five of them are sitting in that face, I would say.
Here it is important to emphasize
that we have not cut anything out.
I ate 37 flødeboller.
And goes straight out and throws up.
There is the catch that while it is exciting, it is not equal.
- He's smearing you out.
- Do you think so?
- I wouldn’t say that.
- I would say that.
I would say he does so.
It's great then that he has a thing he can do. It’s lovely.
- Jonas, original idea for a duel.
- I would think so too.
Was it because you were under pressure,
or are you just so bad at putting on sheets?
I would rather not answer that.
I do not understand that I will be saying this -
- but it was surprisingly exciting.
- It had a little flair for composition.
- It was five original duels.
I am ready to hand out points like this:
The problem is the lack of equality.
Linda, I'm giving you a point.
Sofie, you thought about excitement, but it's not equal either.
Two points for you.
Tobias, I don’t understand the points system,
and it is me you are throwing knives after.
It's a successful duel, and it's equal, but three points.
This is solely due to the fact that there are two
such skilled duel-solutions at the forefront.
It's hard to separate first and second place -
- but what an effort that has been put into the triathlon.
Five to Simon, four to Jonas.
Mark, update us.
Simon leads today's program and Jonas is right on his heels.
It's actually also Jonas and Simon who lead the whole season.
One task left. It's taking place here on stage right now.
Mark, the very last task of the season.
As something unique, we divide
the five participants into two teams.
We also have two tasks. My question now is:
- Who should read the tasks aloud?
- On one team we have Jonas and Linda.
Linda, feel free to read this aloud.
We then have a trio of Tobias, Sofie and Simon.
And Simon, you may read this one.
- Linda first.
- "Grab the marshmallow with the tongs."
"When the Stormester ..." That's the beautiful Lasse.
"... starts, you have ten seconds to grab the marshmallow."
- Simon, you have another task.
- "Hit the marshmallow away."
"Your hands must not be inside the table before the tongs."
We play best of five. One duellant must try -
- to grip the marshmallow with the tongs.
When I get you started, the other one has to knock it off -
- but only when the opponent has the pliers inside the table.
The first to go up are Jonas and Simon.
Simon must have the pliers.
Then I say:
Smack … or pliers?
- Yes!
- There!
Do not smack until the pliers are over the table.
- It was then too.
- No, I did this.
- I got the point.
- Jonas!
Only when I have said all three words. I say:
- Smack or pliers?
- May he use both hands?
If you're ready, I'll get you started -
- in the three important words: Smack … or …
Pliers?
Yes!
Simon, you are next on the spot.
Tobias, Simon and Sofie have two points
against Lindas and Jonas' one …
That way, victory can happen now.
Otherwise, there will be a decisive round.
- Smack or pliers?
- Green salad.
Well made. Well made.
- I choke.
- You did the best you could.
2-2 and a decisive round of smack or pliers.
The crucial point in the last task of the last program.
It's all at stake right now.
Smack … or pliers?
Shouldn’t he knock it away, or what?
This last task summarizes what we
have learned about the participants.
Well thought out, Tobias.
Nobody said you couldn't tip the table.
Your hands were not inside the table top, but the task states -
- that to prevent Jonas from grabbing it with the tongs -
- it should be smacked off the table. And you did not do so.
Which means the point goes to Jonas Mogensen.
Who is the winner of the season?
The winner of the season is you, Jonas Mogensen!
The trophy is yours!
Congratulations on that.
The winner of this year's edition of Stormester is:
Jonas Mogensen!
All I have left to say is something -
- that's been burning inside me for eight weeks:
Thanks for tonight.
Texts: Mygind and Holst
Danish Video Text
- Take care, Mark.
- Lasse.
- Hell, they're tight.
- Eww, how disgusting.
- Why?!
- I can't anymore!
- That's damn draught beer.
- Sure.
It is for the last time this season I say:
Welcome to Stormester.
It is tonight that the adventure reaches its end.
One of our five travelers can walk away
from here and live happily ever after -
- while the four others must leave the party
with bowed heads and destroyed hopes.
My name is Lasse Rimmer. I’m the Stormester.
It’s me who must be final-spurt impressed -
- if one has hopes of victory. For about an
hour’s time the hope is still alive for: Linda P!
Simon Talbot!
Sofie Jo Kaufmanas!
Jonas Mogensen!
And Tobias Rahim!
And for the last time this season,
my faithful assistant, Mark le Fêvre.
An interesting little detail:
le Fêvre is French and means “le Fêvre”.
It means … well, that’s where I ended up.
What it is you’re sitting with there, is it for me?
Yes. I've poured you a draught beer.
It’s a classic draught beer. You know,
served from a keg under pressure -
- so that the carbon dioxide is released and proteins and bitter
substances accumulate on top in a wonderful layer of foam.
Classic draught beer. And yes, I'm sitting
here specifying what a draught beer is -
- because I may have made a blunder in one of
tonight’s tasks … I think we should just move on!
I’ll just place it here and get it out when I need it.
This is the last program of the season -
- so let us catch up on the overall position?
It’s close. I could elaborate on that.
- It's not close for everyone, is it?
- No, Linda is here as well.
- It's the sprint finish now.
- Yes, I'm getting them all now.
You can't win, Linda.
Are you visiting a former participant of Stormester -
- and pass by the toilet or another
place for storage of trophies -
- you will be able to recognize a winner if they
have a cheeky fellow like this standing in their home.
It is what we’re competing for.
- Where do we start, Mark?
- We start with a simple task.
So simple that one would think it
was just a setup for another task -
- but such trick-piss won't our participants
fall for twice in one season.
- Hi, Mark le Feminin.
- Teddy bears, cans …
Throw rice bags at cans and win a big teddy bear.
But the world is probably not that easy.
- Hi hi.
- Hey Tobias.
Welcome to …
"Knock over the cans and win a teddy bear.
You have one minute."
"Time starts now."
Congratulations, young lady.
I'll fetch you a prize.
You actually get the big one.
If you knock them all over, you win the big one.
- Here you go.
- Thank you. Oh, it's heavy.
I have a feeling it's going to be an Achilles’ heel, this.
- There’s a task on it.
- Oh no.
- "Move ten draught beers ..."
- Where the hell are the “draught bears”?
"... from the terrace to the igloo without spilling."
It's the one down there.
"You have to hold the teddy bear throughout the task."
- Hell, Mark, you big …
- Fuck, it's gonna be good.
"Do not step on the tiles while carrying draught beer."
And then you placed them there because
the stairs are over there. You are damn sly.
- "Fastest wins."
- Time starts now.
No panic, Mark.
I grant all of you the huge successes
you have to bring down cans.
You all won the big teddy bear,
but then there was another task.
Ten draught beers must be carried
from the terrace down into the igloo -
- and you have to carry the teddy bear you won.
Then there's just these rules:
First of all, do not spill. And more importantly,
do not step on the tiles while carrying the beers.
Again.
So the tiles on the terrace must not
be stepped on while moving beer?
- You should not step on them.
- So do not step on the tiles?
It's best not to.
Now we'll see Sofie.
Okay. I must not step on the tiles.
A tube!
- Is it coming?
- Yes.
You probably didn’t see that coming.
Maybe slightly more of a genius than you had anticipated.
Hear the beautiful hops flow.
No!
- What now?
- It's a fucking lie.
Drop filming my feet like that. On the tiles.
I've lost.
That will be difficult to evade.
How annoying you are.
I hate you so much … but mostly myself.
Fuck!
No, what a pity.
It’s the best when people are acting
all smug while losing their dignity.
I wish I had written a task called:
"Find the most ill-timed moment to call yourself a genius."
- Wasn’t it poor of me?
- Yes.
Great getting the elevator gaze from the camera.
I just thought he was checking me out.
You did not move any draught beer into the igloo,
and more importantly you stepped on the tiles -
- which means that you are disqualified.
- Yes!
- Linda ...
It's so cool. It's every time.
We have not seen Linda yet, so calm down.
Linda, we have not seen your solution.
Is this the one we need to look at?
- It’s almost too good to be true.
- Yes, or more like Linda's and mine solution.
One can assess whether we are a team
or whether I was exploited yet again.
If you drank all those draught beers
and ran down into the igloo …
They just have to be inside the igloo.
Let’s see how much you can drink.
Two, three, now.
And the next one.
Next.
No, I can sense that I’ve become a mother.
I'm getting worried about you.
Now all draught beers are going up here.
Shut up, beer smells so bad.
Men who have drank beer are just uncharming.
Fuck, beer is gross.
Put those behind me in front of me.
It has to be done a little faster, Mark.
No, how slow this is.
There is nothing wrong with suppressing people.
It’s only wrong to be oppressed, isn’t that how it is?
Like that.
Again. No, how slow this is.
Yes please. Then you’re going with me.
Like this.
You have to stay in here, because you're one of the
draught beers, too. I’m sorry I was a little hard on you.
So I say, "Drink these beers”, and then,
“Men who drink beer are so uncharming."
At times I think I just forgot about being filmed.
I just think the verdict will be: "Solved" or "Not Solved".
Not about how I behave during it.
It would be two-faced of me to scold
you for taking advantage of Mark.
But how many of your points do you think you owe Mark -
- because it sure looks like he does most of the work?
Arh, he got a quick peck.
He got a beer and some great company.
I don't think he should get points.
How long did "Linda" take to move the draught beer?
We spent 11 minutes and 53 seconds.
Not that impressive for ten draught beers -
- but it's enough for a preliminary first place.
We fly directly to Tobias Rahim.
I could probably do it in a smarter way.
They're just going into the igloo, right?
I hear you saying that you have a feeling that it
could be done smarter. I don't know if it could?
It is good. I just didn’t have a great energy around it.
Looks like I've solved it.
Tobias is like this before an exam:
"I don't know how it will go!"
"Well, did I just get 12?"
[top mark in school; A+/A in US]
While the rest of us:
"I gave everything I had in me …”
And then it's just such a random thing … tiles!
You have not seen me. I'm worse.
When it feels easy … There usually is a "but".
Not only here, but throughout life.
We're doing a terrible job, and you then say it feels easy …
And you are so good!
I do not know what it is about a sixth sense in Tobias.
You say you have the feeling that a "but" is coming.
Did I hype you too much?
There is no "but." That is a good solution.
- It seemed to go lightning fast.
- It did, not to rub it in.
Tobias did it in 2 minutes and 49 seconds.
I can already reveal that without
comparison it is the fastest time.
- Nobody does the job faster?
- No.
But it all works fine as an introduction
to Simon, as we shall now see.
Now we've seen how smart and fast it can be done -
- and now we must see the other end of the spectrum.
Gaffer tape!
Had someone just done this for my dad in my upbringing.
Oh, I have a lot of draught beer in my stomach.
But I can carry you carrying draught beer.
Oh God …
It was one.
I am not allowed to carry draught beer,
but it didn’t say anything about canned beer.
Now I'm moving canned beers.
- I wonder if there could be another technique?
- I don't think so.
Do you want one?
Three, two, one, time!
I won, Mark.
I do not know what the last …
What the last one is doing here.
Did you feel worse than that time
you drank blended meatballs?
Well, I threw up afterwards.
I think I drank two liters of draught beer.
If you think I’ve behaved strangely in some tasks,
I can reveal that we had four more after this …
... before I was myself again.
We are only missing Jonas Mogensen,
who we know doesn’t do it faster than Tobias.
No. But you should prepare yourselves for -
- an upside down turn of events,
because that man knows his draught beer.
Well, damn it. I'm not getting very far with that.
Teddy bear!
- It's light beer.
- Yes. Does it taste good?
No. Where did you fill up those draught beers?
- Where we filled them?
- Yes, where's the draught beer setup?
We have poured them up from cans.
Then it's not a draught beer.
It says draught beer in the task.
I can spill all I like, then. It isn’t draught beer.
It does not matter, because it isn’t draught beer.
It's not even close to being draught beer.
- It is those.
- I could taste it right away.
Where is the nearest pub?
Then there's damn draught beer, Mark.
I would like to have ten draught beers.
What the hell do you need that many draught beers for?
Now my brain is running …
Are they for you, all of them?
Uh, no … They're going into an igloo.
It's a slightly longer story.
That's damn draught beer!
- Ten draught beers delivered in the igloo.
- Yes. It is received.
- Time?
- Yes, it is there at least.
This task, I must emphasize -
- was not written as a con task,
where you should see through -
- that Mark just didn't bother to get real draught beers!
- Mark gets zero points. We all get five.
- Agreed.
It’s very simple, because draught beer is
significantly more expensive than cans -
- and there’s a small tendency to me not getting
paid back when I have laid out for things.
So I thought, now we take cans, but …
And now it dawns on you that it is
not only your fault but also mine.
I shouldn’t have given you that responsibility,
that I realize now. But having said that ...
I’ll have to re-examine Linda and Tobias too.
It does not help to be angry with me,
but you have not moved draught beer.
You do not have that, and it is not …
And if you're angry now, I can understand that -
- but I wouldn’t have discovered anything if it
had not been for Jonas. It’s because of Jonas.
- I'll carry that burden.
- It’s Jonas’ fault that you are disqualified.
- You have not moved the draught beers!
- Lasse …
Oh no, what a pity. So sad.
My intuition won. I knew it.
- I could feel there was a "but."
- You should have tasted them.
But no, no. That’s how it is when one’s body is a temple.
It takes “red wine tits” to win this draught beer thing.
I'm going to disqualify four participants.
Jonas Mogensen gets five points as the only one.
Are you okay?
Mark, what now?
Just before we went on stage, Jonas said:
"Tonight comes the one I didn’t understand at all."
I can comfort you with the fact that no one did.
Mark le Freshwater rather than saltwater.
It's so homely with a rook.
My parents live just by a forest with a rook family.
They've lived there for ten years and now it's hell …
This will be, too.
- Mark, what is this?
- What do you think?
- It looks like an electronic anklet.
- It's dangerous to make me wear this when I'm bald.
Now all sorts of women will be sitting there
wanting to write a letter, "I can save him!"
It's letters.
It looks shitty for a half-dyslexic kid like me.
"Find your way through the word maze from start to finish."
"When the ankle brace beeps,
go back to start and wait 10 seconds."
What?
"Fastest through the word maze ... wins."
- "Time starts now."
- From start to finish. There’s the goal.
Just to understand … the word maze?
You're in the word maze right now.
It is really fun!
Mark, maybe you can help Linda get a little wiser on the rules.
- You have to go from start to finish.
- Yes, thank you, Mark, but …
If the ankle brace starts beeping, it's back -
- wait ten seconds and try again.
The big challenge is figuring out when
or why the damn anklet is beeping.
Exciting. Who are we going to see?
Let's try with Linda and Jonas.
- Then you must return.
- I can not figure this out at all.
It may be English words. Then we write "single".
Single! Arh ...?
You got really far there.
I could not.
What the hell?
- Mark, what is it I can not figure out?
- There are several things.
Okay. Danish word, three fields.
Trying to move on with "godte" [goody].
"Godten" [the goody].
It has nothing to do with it.
- What the hell is going on here?
- Then it's back again.
What!?
There is no connection at all. It's completely random.
But now I'm in goal, Mark. It feels good.
- Congratulations.
- Thanks. I have no idea what we just did.
- But you reached the finish line. It is most important.
- You say so.
Well, Mark. I have a life. I have to move on.
- Have you figured it out?
- I had time to think … No.
Two participants have solved the task.
No one has understood the rules.
But they are still noted for winning times, so what are they?
Linda spent 4 minutes and 15 seconds.
Jonas managed it in 5 minutes and 30 seconds.
A little worse.
The task is not to understand the rules -
- but to solve the task.
Does anyone get closer to seeing through the task?
Let's look at Sofie's attempt.
I can give a hint … It doesn’t beep based on where you stand.
- It's more something you do.
- Oh!
A - G - N …
A - G - N … "agent".
It's over there.
No!
A - G - E - N …
- Is there anything called "saltgnu"?
- A salt-what?
Saltgnu. Is it a real animal?
"No". [ingen]
"Or". [eller]
"Silence". [stilhed]
"Good day, bk saltgnu."
"No or silence."
"Saltgnu"?
Maybe it doesn't like it if I'm being quiet!
It only likes it when I’m talking.
And if I keep talking, then I have to talk all the way.
If I talk all the time, nothing happens!
- Congratulations.
- Thanks. No silence.
No silence.
- Yes!
- It's super cool.
- Well seen.
- I was on my honeymoon in Africa.
There we saw a flock of “saltgnu” being chased by “pepperlions”.
Super cool. A great nature experience
you just reminded me of there. Thanks.
It tastes piss good on top of liver paté.
And a little bit of jelly.
Relax, what a connoisseur you are.
You know both draught beer and saltgnu?
You just have to talk all the time,
but it's always awkward with Mark.
Now I want to reveal the rules to you.
They appear in the word maze.
"No questions or silence." Five points!
- No questions or silence!
- I figured it out, Lasse. Handsome Lasse.
When we highlighted it in red?
I just said that I get it now, Mark.
It is true. If one is not quiet, all is well.
Questions also make it beep.
And saltgnu isn’t of any use.
How long did it take?
- 6 minutes and 21 seconds.
- What did Linda take?
- What did you take?
- Much shorter.
- Insanely faster.
- You shouldn’t have clung like that to the gnu, huh?
Mark, now we know how it works.
Who are we going to see now?
Tobias Rahim, the man who enjoys
seeking for an underlying meaning -
- but here I must say that this isn’t exactly the right task for it.
Should I write something?
G-O-O-D.
Then I have "good", right? Is "good" or …
Good or what? Good or evil?
It beeps. I'm trying a new strategy.
Could it be like a game of Twister?
I was thinking somewhere you should …
It makes no sense.
It says "Silence".
"Good salt". "Good abk salt".
"The salty silence".
Oh … Now I'll try again.
- Nor was it.
- Do you know what I could do?
What does such a question mark mean?
"Good".
"Good or".
There. Was it just that?
"Good or"?
Sometimes I just look for a bigger meaning. Thanks for now.
That is a well behaved man saying thank
you for now, but you do not mean it one bit.
- I meant: "Thanks for NOW!"
- The End. Never again.
I had received some money and
had to come again the next day.
You know Mondays.
Back again. "Hey, boss. Sorry."
How much of that Monday did Tobias spend?
23 minutes and 40 seconds.
But you did it!
- We are missing a single one.
- Yes, Simon Talbot.
He grew up in Jehovah's Witnesses,
but just because he has let go of God -
- it is not certain that God has let go of you, Simon?
Okay, so we'll try to go here. Hey.
"Salt". Salt? Salt.
Goal!
Shut up, I'm a genius.
Oh my God, he's back again.
I bless you. I bless you all.
There are three times in a person's life
where God comes and helps you.
- Three times.
- I'm happy to receive it.
- That was one.
- You spend it on that.
I'm happy to receive it.
One down. One down.
If you have those kinds of contacts,
then why wait for the last program?
I don't want to draw too much on him.
How long did Simon Talbot spend solving the word maze?
And God.
It took Simon and God one minute and 59 seconds.
How are the points distributed?
One point for Tobias, two points for Sofie -
- three points for Jonas, four points for Linda -
- and five points for the child of God.
For the rest of this it’s Jesus Take the Wheel.
Mark, what are we going to do next?
I have the one with that cake that revolves?
Oh yeah. Fuck.
Hi, Mark le Færdigret [ready-prepared dish].
This is what I'll be ... I'm going to vomit from this.
Should we address the cake in the garden?
Well I never!
Should I grab that one maybe?
Snap! Tried it before.
- "Decorate the cake ..."
- "On the swivel arm." It is fun.
"Do not move the cake or fiddle with the turning apparatus."
- It will be fun. It is fun.
- Fuck.
- "Most beautifully decorated cake wins."
- "You have 200 revolutions."
"Time starts now."
Are you the decorating type?
Okay, that's really fun. Well thought of.
And you are the cake base.
And you over here are the filling.
Okay. Well. Damn good.
It will be such a “gratværk” [mess], I can feel it already now.
The cake must be decorated while turning.
There is one thing to clarify -
- for anyone who is not familiar with
“Northern-fiord” speech. Gratværk?
Sticky stuff. I don't know. Gratværk. What the hell?
- Frosting on the fingers and all that annoying stuff.
- It's gratværk.
Shall we see Jonas rummage through some gratværk?
Let's see if he gets into some gratværk.
It's not ... Hell.
Yes!
Yes.
Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.
I consider this candle my trial of strength.
Hell. Is this part of the pastry school these days?
Now I think well, I understand what gratværk is.
I am satisfied. I thought it was nice.
Mark, it was one cake.
Who are we going to see now?
On to a great man with great ideas
and great ambitions: Tobias.
I think there’s only one thing to do here.
Getting up on that one.
I'm just making it over here.
Think that a man who does not like cake -
- can make such a beautiful cake.
I'm more into salty food.
No!
Hey! No. It's wilder than before.
I do not have it completely just yet.
I feel like I've lost.
I’m the cake!
Beautiful women in the Danish countryside -
- will know that I'm edible.
Tobias Rahim!
I could tell it would not work out, just from the start.
Even when it does not succeed,
you approach with a winning energy.
Decorate the cake next to it, place it on the arm. Solved.
Then there’s the fact that the cake won’t stay put.
Don't any of you have a jaunty remark?
Because I think it speaks for itself.
You sound like the confirmation requests I get about standup.
"You just go in there and say something jaunty."
We have seen two cakes so far.
Who will try to impress with their pastry skills now?
We will experience a duo.
It is Sofie … and her inability to understand the rules.
Then we are ready with another cake layer.
Well, I did not want that either.
I could also try to get up on it.
Lovely!
A slender little lass.
- Wait, there was something about not fiddling …
- What does the task say?
I'd fiddled with the apparatus.
Get started with you.
Get running! Drive it around!
Fuck. Well, the cake has moved itself. I can do nothing about it.
Not responsible for it all. After all, what happens happens.
The cake just bursted right off.
Some will think that it’s my responsibility.
But a Stormester will recognize when one
isn’t responsible for all that happens.
- Hooray.
- Well. Thanks. I'm going in.
- How bad it was.
- It should be handled with composure and overview.
- So we are missing two participants.
- Linda, what did you just say? Handled with what?
Composure and overview.
- I completely agree.
- Let's see what it looks like.
- Composure and overview.
- I must not fiddle with it …
If you were to throw a wheelbarrow at someone -
- she would not say: "He fiddled with me."
This can not be called a "MeToo" case.
- Hold it level.
- I'm holding it level.
Everything can be saved with whipped cream.
Like that.
This is option one, but I can decorate it even better.
You should try to make a nice edge around here.
- We need to go for a cleaner look.
- Now it looks like something, don’t you agree?
And then give us a little smile. So.
No! Isn't that a cake?
Me too. See ya.
Gotta make a cake and decorate it up.
You think you are so smart.
How come this isn’t fiddling with the apparatus?
It is the spade that fiddles.
I'm not fiddling with it, as Frank Jensen would say
[scandalized former politician].
You’re fiddling with it. Yes … Just like I fiddled.
We've fiddled, Linda, let’s just acknowledge it.
Now we need to specify the definition of the word "fiddle". [pille]
According to the dictionary, it is:
"Touching or working with your fingers -
- often inquisitive, absent-minded or nervous."
- I was very absent.
- Then you fiddled.
- No! I'm not touching it!
- Zero points, unfortunately.
I bring forth the wheelbarrow and I am very present.
My intention was not to have any alterations to the device.
I wrote "fiddle," and I don't see any:
"Investigative, absent, or nervous finger work."
I hate to say it, but I accept all solutions. Even Sofie's.
After all that word-splitting I want to see the cakes and assess -
- which is the most beautifully decorated. Okay.
Yes please. From bottom to top, which I rate -
- I give one point to Tobias and two to Jonas.
You are not surprised, I think.
Then we have the three cakes that
actually involve some cake artistics.
Three points for Linda.
What do I like best? I like marshmallows.
- Five points for Simon.
- Five?
- Four for you.
- It is beautifully decorated.
This is quite mournful, actually, because we only
have a single task left in my Stormester house.
What task have we saved for the very end?
We have to throw ourselves into a real duel.
And I don’t know if you already know this, but Mark le Fêvre
is actually French and means … A qualified competitor.
- Hi, Mark.
- Hi, Mark le Femkant [pentagon].
- Hi, Mark.
- Hi Sofie.
Exciting with those little gloves here. I like them.
- Driving gloves? Shall we go speeding?
- A damn lovely glove.
- "Invent a duel ..."
- "... and duel …”
"... against Mark."
- "Most equal ..."
- "... and exciting duel wins."
"Most equal"?
I should not choose something I am much better at.
- "You have 20 minutes."
- "Time starts now."
Okay. It is fun.
What are you mediocre at?
What are you good at, Mark le Fêvre?
What the hell do I know how to do?
It annoys me that I have to dig like that.
Who gets a stretch sheet on fastest?
Make a bed, completely.
Without wives.
"A duel is an agreed upon combat wielded with lethal weapons."
One could duel about folding a ship.
- Food competitions!
- So what to eat?
- Flødeboller. I am good at eating those. [Danish snack dessert]
- What does the modern man do? What do we care about?
What are the things we are dueling in?
It should be a masculinity triathlon.
- I’ll go out and warm up.
- Yes, do it.
Eights, eights, eights.
Yes. I look forward to watching five duels.
As stated in the task, it is the most
exciting and equal duel that wins.
It is irrelevant who wins. Right, Mark?
It is completely unimportant who …
- who wins. It has nothing to do with anything.
With those words, I just think we should see Linda.
Three, two, one, now.
How are you already there? Linda, wait!
- I'm gonna make it.
- No!
- What did I do wrong?
- So, Lasse. Then, I am done.
Then, I am done. Like that, Mark!
Time!
Then you can judge for yourself who has the most beautiful -
- and who should probably be referred to
some sort of helper by the municipality.
You can not suppress that competitive instinct.
Not when it's Mark. You try a little: "It's a family program" -
- but I just enjoy winning over him in everything.
But it should be an equal duel, and you
make some sounds, to try and rattle him?
- No, it was to make it exciting! You wanted excitement.
- So those were the exciting sounds?
But the equal part has been cut out.
Mark. We love each other, we do.
You have to tell how I've been sitting
and teaching you this very carefully.
That’s your version of equal? Something you
are already so good at that you can teach it?
You talk way too much in this program.
I've taught you. It was completely equal.
- Who's the next duellant?
- Simon Talbot.
A triathlon was made in masculinity.
When you look at me and Simon, it may sound a little hollow.
- Hey!
- So it was …
- It was not aimed at you.
- Well okay.
First post in my triathlon.
You win by making the best bearnaise.
Shut up, how manly this is.
- Thicken the sauce.
- No, you're close to curdling.
- Fuck!
- No!
Shut up. So.
Incredibly close match, but it will be 1-0 for you.
Like that!
Latte art!
Come on.
Then we skim the smiley over.
Three, two, one. Step away from your latte art.
- Sun above Gudhjem.
- 1-1. You can still make a comeback.
Last post of the masculinity triathlon:
Talk emotions.
I can sometimes find it a little difficult -
- that my parents don’t always understand what I do.
I never got a hug from my dad.
Once in primary school they said ...
The class collected money and said:
"You get this money if we can
smash three eggs on your head."
And then they went out in front of everyone.
In front of the entire school.
And then they smashed only two eggs.
"Then you do not get the money anyway."
I cry once a week when I think of -
- that my little dog dies before I do.
- My little brother is multi-handicapped.
- My older brother is …
Well, not multi-handicapped, but he isn’t all that sharp.
That's just points to me.
I …
I thought a duel in the old days was out on the savannah.
Then it would have been a fight to the death or
something about jumping the highest. I thought:
"You know what, what are modern men competing in?"
That is bearnaise, latte art and talking emotions.
I like it, but I've only seen two duels.
- What can you tempt with now?
- Tobias.
At the risk of losing my job, I have to say it was pretty cool.
One point, two points.
And if you make a strong shout,
you get to double up your points.
I know where you live, you ass.
I think it counts. Because you hit it.
If it sticks, there’s a zero behind the points.
Maybe the time is ripe for Little Master instead!
[Lillemester, opposite of Stormester]
It hit. Ten points.
With the right powerful shout, and if it's stuck in -
- a zero is added at the back. That is 200 points.
Look at this. Look at this.
Okay, think Tobias, think Tobias, think Tobias.
Rahim!
It sits! It went in!
200 points!
Congratulations to the winner.
The greatest achievement is that you find a duel -
- where you throw knives at a picture of me.
And I sit here cheering you on.
We could have chosen many other
pictures, but we went with that one.
Yes, you did. You chose that image. You did.
Thanks for the duel. Who are we going to see now?
Before, we saw Linda where winning was so not important.
Well, I've realized it's rubbish -
- because now we have to see Jonas' and Sofie's duel.
It's the duel. Fastest extra bed.
It must be presentable.
You should be able to put your mother
in it with an easy conscience.
I'm counting down, and then you just
have to eat your way through the board.
- It’s about getting to the middle first.
- Yes, getting to the … Queen flødebolle.
Three, two, one, run!
- That was the wrong thing to do!
- Come on, you stupid pillow.
Shut up, it's stressful.
I have only done this when I was too tired.
Shouldn't you have some of them in your mouth?
No, they are zipped! Who has zipped them?
I can not find the zipper! No no no!
No! No, I didn't do it!
No! Fuck, Jonas! No!
Are you also about to throw up?
I just need the flødebolle.
Go away with you!
One always sleeps well after a victory.
This is how they ate flødeboller in the Roman Empire, Mark.
Mark, I can't any longer! I can't anymore!
Then you have to eat the Queen flødebolle.
Strawberry.
- Do you want to join me in throwing up?
- Yes.
When do you think you’ll feel
like having flødeboller again?
I think I ate one on the weekend,
two days later. It took two days.
I really was convinced that, "Oh, never again",
until I saw them on offer. Then I drove down a box.
How many did you eat, Mark?
Sofie fought her way through 23 flødeboller.
But five of them are sitting in that face, I would say.
Here it is important to emphasize
that we have not cut anything out.
I ate 37 flødeboller.
And goes straight out and throws up.
There is the catch that while it is exciting, it is not equal.
- He's smearing you out.
- Do you think so?
- I wouldn’t say that.
- I would say that.
I would say he does so.
It's great then that he has a thing he can do. It’s lovely.
- Jonas, original idea for a duel.
- I would think so too.
Was it because you were under pressure,
or are you just so bad at putting on sheets?
I would rather not answer that.
I do not understand that I will be saying this -
- but it was surprisingly exciting.
- It had a little flair for composition.
- It was five original duels.
I am ready to hand out points like this:
The problem is the lack of equality.
Linda, I'm giving you a point.
Sofie, you thought about excitement, but it's not equal either.
Two points for you.
Tobias, I don’t understand the points system,
and it is me you are throwing knives after.
It's a successful duel, and it's equal, but three points.
This is solely due to the fact that there are two
such skilled duel-solutions at the forefront.
It's hard to separate first and second place -
- but what an effort that has been put into the triathlon.
Five to Simon, four to Jonas.
Mark, update us.
Simon leads today's program and Jonas is right on his heels.
It's actually also Jonas and Simon who lead the whole season.
One task left. It's taking place here on stage right now.
Mark, the very last task of the season.
As something unique, we divide
the five participants into two teams.
We also have two tasks. My question now is:
- Who should read the tasks aloud?
- On one team we have Jonas and Linda.
Linda, feel free to read this aloud.
We then have a trio of Tobias, Sofie and Simon.
And Simon, you may read this one.
- Linda first.
- "Grab the marshmallow with the tongs."
"When the Stormester ..." That's the beautiful Lasse.
"... starts, you have ten seconds to grab the marshmallow."
- Simon, you have another task.
- "Hit the marshmallow away."
"Your hands must not be inside the table before the tongs."
We play best of five. One duellant must try -
- to grip the marshmallow with the tongs.
When I get you started, the other one has to knock it off -
- but only when the opponent has the pliers inside the table.
The first to go up are Jonas and Simon.
Simon must have the pliers.
Then I say:
Smack … or pliers?
- Yes!
- There!
Do not smack until the pliers are over the table.
- It was then too.
- No, I did this.
- I got the point.
- Jonas!
Only when I have said all three words. I say:
- Smack or pliers?
- May he use both hands?
If you're ready, I'll get you started -
- in the three important words: Smack … or …
Pliers?
Yes!
Simon, you are next on the spot.
Tobias, Simon and Sofie have two points
against Lindas and Jonas' one …
That way, victory can happen now.
Otherwise, there will be a decisive round.
- Smack or pliers?
- Green salad.
Well made. Well made.
- I choke.
- You did the best you could.
2-2 and a decisive round of smack or pliers.
The crucial point in the last task of the last program.
It's all at stake right now.
Smack … or pliers?
Shouldn’t he knock it away, or what?
This last task summarizes what we
have learned about the participants.
Well thought out, Tobias.
Nobody said you couldn't tip the table.
Your hands were not inside the table top, but the task states -
- that to prevent Jonas from grabbing it with the tongs -
- it should be smacked off the table. And you did not do so.
Which means the point goes to Jonas Mogensen.
Who is the winner of the season?
The winner of the season is you, Jonas Mogensen!
The trophy is yours!
Congratulations on that.
The winner of this year's edition of Stormester is:
Jonas Mogensen!
All I have left to say is something -
- that's been burning inside me for eight weeks:
Thanks for tonight.
Texts: Mygind and Holst
Danish Video Text