Stormester (2018–…): Season 5, Episode 6 - Gulerødder og pattedyr - full transcript
I cannot multitask!
- Take care, Mark.
- Lasse.
- Hell, how tight these pants are!
- Eww, how disgusting.
- Why?!
- I can't anymore!
- That's damn draft beer.
- Sure.
Good Evening. Welcome to Stormester.
Five well-known Danes have shown courage.
They have made a promise to rack
their brains for imaginative solutions -
- to show that it’s exactly them who are the most deserving.
My name is Lasse Rimmer. I am the Stormester.
It’s me who must be convinced and entertained, but you as well.
Our five courageous participants are:
Linda P!
Simon Talbot!
Sofie Jo Kaufmanas!
Jonas Mogensen!
And finally Tobias Rahim!
And as always, here by my side, the lovely …
No wait, it’s Mark le Fêvre.
Mark le Fêvre!
I cannot teach people a whole new language,
but I can remind you that le Fêvre is French -
- and means "the back tooth sucker".
I'm pretty sure it does.
So, what's going on in your world?
What's happening with Mark le Fêvre?
I have spent, frankly, a little more than 1400 kroner on -
- having my index finger upgraded with this little bad boy.
I have to admit that it does a significant part of the work on stage.
It was time for a little bling-bling to fing-fing.
Can you not use fing-fing to designate the trophy -
- that all of our participants hope to take home?
There it was.
Fortunately, it's not just the season prize that is at stake.
In each program, one participant is particularly motivated to win.
Because they have brought something they eagerly want
to take back home. Who has brought the prize for tonight?
It’s often something exclusive and delicious that’s at stake,
so I’m always curious about it, and it is you, Mogensen?
What did you bring?
In the light of last program's 1.5-meter high piece of photographic art -
- then this sort of pales in comparison.
But it is hard to track down a good scratch-stick.
Most are a little too rough. But this one has been filed by using.
I know I'm going to regret this question.
But what’s the itching you use it for?
I have a spot ...
... I cannot reach.
But that one can.
Otherwise, Mark has a finger you can borrow.
I cannot get started until I know what the spot is.
Well, it's quite classic, and quite boring.
It’s right between the shoulder blades.
- So here?
- Yes, a little further.
Yes, right there.
It’s a Mogensen weakness, wanting to be scratched on the back.
We shouldn’t talk more about it, we should get on with this …
Shall we get started?
After a year and a half of this shitty
pandemic, we’re heading to a task -
- which may seem almost forbidden.
Le Fêvre-le Fêvre-le-le-le Fêvre.
- Hi, Mark le Femårig. [a five year old]
- Are we ready for one more?
Yes. Exciting.
Well?
- Are you letting me hang?
- There is a task.
- "Give Mark ...
- ... a special hug."
- "You have 20 minutes."
- "Most special hug wins."
"Time starts now."
Let’s start out with a regular one. My man.
- It’s special just getting a hug from me.
- You do not share them out like that?
Simon Talbot assists me a little -
- by showing what an ordinary hug looks like.
What is a special hug, then?
It's a hug that is unordinary.
So, not what you just did with Mark.
We have established what we aren’t looking for.
I want to see something special, that
might even awaken something in me.
We have to see Simon, but also Sofie in fact.
Is there a hug you have received that you clearly remember?
That one time when my father ... No, he did not.
I have many ideas. I need some people.
One, two, three, four, five, six. I need to talk to someone.
I have to check how far it is from the balcony.
- It is going to be the hug of your life. Ready?
- Yes!
Welcome to Mark's special hug. Here you go!
Yes. We're just getting some people in.
I love you, Mark!
- Mark?
- Yes.
- Wasn't it nice?
- Yes, it was wonderful.
Why do action movies always have to be so violent?
Why can't they also show emotion?
You make a hug-millipede. How many were involved?
A thousand.
- They’re standing really close.
- Rounded up to the nearest thousand.
I like the idea of a chain hug.
Maybe it would’ve been nice to have a more joint hug.
One takes the knee, one takes the
malleolus, and one takes the ear, and …
Yes, that would have been a better idea, Sofie.
Thank you, Linda. I wonder if it could be what you’re doing.
What was the thought behind this hug?
The thought was something with energies, going into each other,
we had not hugged for a long time, because of corona …
Arh. It was a quick little idea.
It looks cute, come on!
It started out sounding good.
"I have a dream ..." No, fuck it.
Simon, what was your idea?
Something about stunts was at stake.
It is because for too long humankind has been oppressed.
- Bring it on.
- My fucking gods.
- Isn't it the same as mine?
- No!
My thought is, why should it always be violent?
I wanted to show how you can have a masculine
"bro-relationship", like the two of us have …
Yeah okay.
It was a stunt of masculinity that ended up in
the tenderness shared between two friends.
Too bad it still looks like two three-year-olds
tumbling in the kindergarten’s “cushion room”.
- I also want to say ...
- At three years old they have gotten hair.
- Who gets to hug you now?
- At least let's move on.
We'll see your hug, Linda.
The attentive viewer might wonder how Linda expresses a hug.
Maybe something like, “This bat is hugging your forehead, Mark."
But there might be a more sensitive side
hiding underneath that unpleasant exterior.
Or not.
No. Doesn't matter.
I was just thinking, something yellow? And then the funnel.
Yes ... You can get it on your head.
There’s plenty of time. If you feel like
going in an entirely different direction.
Have you ever gotten a hug that was something very special?
My mind went blank on stage one time,
and then Uffe Holm hugged me and said:
"You shouldn't worry about it."
He makes one feel special.
You're on speakerphone, Uffe.
Can you say something to Mark that makes him feel special?
Mark, it's Uffe, and I just want to say -
- that every time I see you on stage
or on the screen, I start to smile.
Because you're one of the kindest people I've ever worked with.
I remember we were filming a program together, and at one
point you just … I have never seen such a great karate kick.
Every time I see you perform, I think:
"That’s why he is one of Denmark's best stand-up comedians."
And every time I see you perform, I consider to stop
performing myself, because I'll never be as funny as you.
And you're a handsome man too.
You're one of those men who looks good without hair.
You have the most beautiful head shape.
There must be so many bald men looking up to you.
How sweet you are. Thank you, Uffe.
Bye.
It’s touching that I only had to pay Uffe 6000 for those words.
- No. Wasn't it nice?
- Who would have thought you had it in you?
- No one!
- That's why she got Uffe to do it.
When you think about all you have exposed Mark to -
- it is remarkable that you have to call a third
person and have them say the sweet things -
- when you could just have done it yourself.
For example, in a setting like the one we’re in now.
You could look him in the eye and tell him
some sweeter things than you normally do.
Does it give bonus points? Because you don't care
for him that much either, so I’m just wondering …
I just want to see if you can do it while keeping a straight face.
Dear Mark.
Now I can see that finger. It does not help.
Dear Mark.
You're ruining the moment.
Nobody believes I can do this.
Afterwards you say, "It gives no point,
but nice to humiliate you, Linda."
You do have such a nice head shape.
There’s always a camera on when we talk together.
That’s why it always gets so uncomfortable.
Off camera, you are the sweetest person I have ever met.
And I also think …
I also think you're a good colleague.
You're good at giving me advice. It isn’t true, the latter.
It was as long as she could hold it.
- The first two were good.
- It was nice.
How delightful that it was a delight for Mark,
and also to experience you from a side -
- that’s not so cynical, as when you say,
"I probably won’t get points for it."
You're right, but ...
There are no extra points in it.
Sometimes Mark just deserves to hear that.
Because he's not going to hear it from me.
Next hug. Who gives it?
We're going to Tobias, who likes to think in other directions.
I just want to be allowed to say ...
Sometimes when you do these tasks ... There is pressure.
And sometimes in this pressure amazing things are created -
- which the world has lacked.
And I haven’t got a patent for it yet ... so it's free for everyone.
That's a wonderful thing.
Well let's see what it is you have created.
A special hug. I start by googling hug [“kram”].
- "Kram 1."
- "Hugging. Embrace. Squeeze."
"Kram 2. Poor quality goods."
Mark, have a read in this one. "Social Psychology".
If you’re in high school and have to learn about some ideology -
- and you can’t find it in yourself to read all of it ...
Then you can simply ... inhale it.
Then you can sit like that.
- "It's some good ‘kram’."
- "Fuck, Karl Marx is exciting."
"Fuck, now I understand why we form queues."
"How sick. I just found out what FOMO means."
Hurry over there. Now you get the most special “kram”.
“Nah, being an influencer isn’t a real job then.”
You understand a lot right now, right? It's a construction.
I must admit that "kram" is a word with several meanings.
One of them is "poor quality goods".
"Rooster of Social Psychology".
You have made a bird knowledge-sculpture that can be inhaled.
It's damn poor.
As I walked away, I suddenly understood some of the
dynamics on set, where to appear in the hierarchy …
But then it's too good a product.
You should talk it down, you know.
But! It was just an illusion.
We are missing a single special hug.
I can guess who's handing it out, but can I see it?
The man who has expressed that just getting
a hug from him is special. Jonas Mogensen.
Yes …
The best hugs are the ones I give my daughter
in the mornings when I drop her off at kindergarten.
Yes.
The kindergarten is right here. They have a good playground.
It’s an integrated institution, so there’ll be quite a lot of children.
You just need to have your game face on.
Here you go, take these two. They do have some food, but …
Then it’s the hug.
Down.
- Take care. Good day. Mom picks up.
- Okay.
- What if they do not like me?
- Well … that cannot be helped. Then I like you.
That’s good.
I think I just threw up a little in my mouth.
You’ll be running in the local election coming up,
in a North Jutland district. You will be.
With that video? "Vote Mogensen".
"For the kids."
- No no no.
- It was damn sweet.
Let's hand out some points.
Five fine hugs, which makes it hard to rank you among yourselves.
The best experience of a chain hug is if you stand in the middle.
- So I'll reward you a single point.
- That's what I wanted all right.
It’s a clear one point solution.
Some experiences feel better for
those involved than for us watching.
Therefore, there are two points for Simon.
I like some law and round off to three
points for an inhalable knowledge bird.
Linda, I love seeing the side of you where
you open up to some of the gamut of emotions.
- You get four points for that.
- Cool!
It was delightfully original as well as appealing to
him who once had children in kindergarten himself.
Who would have known that it hit home like that.
But it did. You get five points, Jonas.
On long flights, you have to take notice of the blood
circulation in the legs, and get up and move around a bit.
Do you have a task that makes us rise from the chairs?
I have something here with a rather high pulse.
- Yes, yes.
- Hi, Mark le Fêrtilitetsklinik [fertilizing clinic].
There is paper. There are pens.
"Goal". It's very symbolic, right?
The two of us, standing here.
So far from it. Never reaching it.
- "Write a story …”
- "... in ten words."
"And cross the finish line."
Yup. Okay.
- I'm just checking if it’s tight.
- "You have to run while writing."
- "Fastest to cross the line …"
- "… with a real story, wins.”
- "Time starts now."
- You wrote some of "The Mink Breeders”, right? [comedy series]
A regular exercise run -
- and a regular story are the two ingredients in this task.
They should write a story, which includes having a start,
a middle and an end. The story must be in ten words.
And there must be running while writing the story.
Who are we going to start with?
With Simon, Linda and Tobias.
- "There was ..."
- "... a cow ..."
"... that ..."
- "... ran!"
- "But then ..."
"I run. I stop."
"A trip."
- "... it got up."
- One, two, three, four.
"He … died"
"A cow fell on its tail, but then it got up."
"I run, I stop. I persevere, more and more."
That's a good story, because it’s a little exciting.
It falls, oh no, what’s going on? But then it got up again.
Next time just think of … two meters and five.
And then a little above.
"There was a man -
- who ran a trip. "
"He died."
- Start, middle, end.
- Yes, there’s then a start, middle and end.
Yes. I'm with you, Linda.
Now we know why Tobias creates
fucked up birds and smokes them.
There was a proper blow there.
- Couldn't you see it as you got closer?
- It was a really hard blow.
One is very exposed as a tall person. It does
happen sometimes. It’s the “tall man struggle”.
I asked for three stories from three
participants in exactly ten words -
- written while running.
Linda offered, "A cow fell on its tail, but then it got up."
There is a cow. That’s a beginning. What happens next?
It fell on its tail. That’s an unusual direction for a cow, but sure.
Then it gets up at last. We got our end.
A story in ten words, it’s approved.
Thanks.
We have kind of the same dramaturgical composition.
"There was a man", that’s a start right there.
"He ran a trip." Yes, the middle.
What happens then? He died!
That’s sad. It's a sad ending, I would say.
As Seinfeld says, "Premise, punchline, act out."
I'm becoming the man in the story.
And then I finally jump and die.
- It's a great act out of the story.
- It was not part of the task.
Listen to Lasse, "It was not part of the task."
- Well, it wasn’t.
- I can tell there are several cows on stage, that’s for sure …
I recognized the dramaturgical structure in the first two stories.
There is more of a poetic vein in it:
"I run, I stop. I persevere, more and more."
So try to read it again and again. Then you have my whole life.
"I run, I stop. I persevere, more and more."
"I run ...". Hold up, how come you’re telling me how to do this?
- I do not understand.
- That's what he does.
It’s a story. There are actually several acts in it. Beautiful.
It's just someone who’s late for the bus. It isn’t that beautiful.
I'm just interested in: What were the
times for the first three participants?
Tobias hammers his head into the finish line after 45 seconds.
Simon is faster and is over the finish line after 36 seconds.
But the fastest is you, Linda. 24 seconds.
Three stories, three strong times.
Did you save the best for last?
Of course he did.
I wish I was told you wanted it in that order.
You cannot change that. Here comes Sofie and Jonas.
Fuck!
- Was there something about a number of words?
- What does the task say? - Ten words?
No!
Yes! Easy. Mega easy.
"A woman comes in. Sees man ball another. Goes out."
That's 11 words.
- How is the story coming along?
- Only ten words?
- How many have you written?
- Many more.
- Time’s still running.
- But what does it run up to?
No! What is this?
Then I can just do it again!
- Should you run along?
- I keep an eye on it.
How many words do you have?
About 12-13.
The fastest wins, you know?
"A woman comes in. Sees man ball stranger."
"Goes out."
I cannot multitask!
- I look forward to having learned how to read tasks.
- "Three chickens went into a bar."
- "They laid down." Laid.
- Yes, I got it.
I cannot think and run at the same time ...
But you can run and look like a giant shovel.
That is also good.
I thought Mark needed some exercise.
We took a round … I just cannot multitask.
I have a hard time abstracting from the fact that you
are two hosts. Just that makes it hard to concentrate.
None of you are reading the task closely.
You could just stand there, compose the story
and then write it down while running.
Just hand out the points, Lasse.
- Aren't you going to mock me and my terrible attempt?
- There’s no need. Jonas was probably worse.
Yes. But you were poor too.
Okay.
- So I was worse than …
- We're so evil.
You ran all the way to the finish line and
stood there twiddling your thumb for a while.
Then you run all the way back and have
another go at it. And I was still inferior.
The stories are approved.
Sofie, if there was one word too many,
you could have just crossed it out.
But you chose to start all over again. That’s your problem.
We just need to have the times on the two stories.
Sofie should have something extra. It was an erotic short story.
- No! It was a sad story.
- Oh, well. Sad.
It sounds like Jonas Mogensen’s sex life.
What the fuck do you know about that?
I've heard from your wife that you cannot multitask.
But I have a wife.
It felt good.
I think he's really happy about giving you … one point.
Jonas, I approve of your story and note -
- that you’re in fifth place, or as your wife
would say, there are four in front of you.
Okay, then we stop!
Then we stop, because then I get the last word.
Let's get their time.
The time to beat is Linda's 24 seconds. And Sofie ...
... does not beat it.
She spent three minutes and three seconds.
You could call it a bad time, but you haven't heard Jonas' yet.
He spent 5 minutes and 49 seconds.
- How are the points distributed?
- There is one point for Jonas Mogensen.
Then there are two points for Sofie -
- three points for Tobias,
four points for Simon -
- and five points to Linda P.
- Finally!
- This means that Linda P is in front.
- What?
- Yes.
- Right now it tastes a bit of ...
- Success.
I would have said scratch-stick.
We are going to a task that could be
called "sdrawkcab klat". [snælgab kans]
- It's "talk backwards". [snak baglæns]
- Arh. Yes, yes!
I didn’t get any of it.
Hi, Mark le Femølejren [all women's island-camp in the 70s].
Kick the door in. Seize the opportunity.
Take on the day, become one with the day.
What an old television.
A cassette recorder. A television.
It's damn old school.
"Explain what's going on in the movie."
- "You must record your explanation."
- "It must be understood backwards."
- "You have ten minutes.
- "Time starts now."
Fun!
This needs to stop. What does it mean?
That's cool. Then I have to say it backwards.
If one has to say, "she bore a child," it is, "a child, bore she."
No.
I just want to say … Before this one.
Just when this one started, Linda leans in
and says, "Oh, I hope I'm good at this one."
- How fun it is.
- You're high on your success.
"One, two, three" from behind is, "Four, two ..."
But the solution I come up with is ingenious.
- I look forward to seeing it.
- The Danish Yoda.
- "Child she gives birth to."
- We come to the solutions.
- We'll probably get to them.
- You’re enjoying yourselves, huh?
It is an oldschool task with cassette tape and VHS machine.
Before we explain the rules again ...
Maybe you can just explain to Jonas why he isn’t in the clip.
Jonas. Sometimes we need a test person.
We assessed that you would be the best.
Do you remember a somewhat similar task,
which could be connected to this, that you solved?
I’ve solved … I have not solved anything.
There I said too much.
I got four cassette tapes and had to figure out what was being said.
- That is exactly right.
- No, how cowardly.
I thought you should figure it out.
Unless you're talking in a nonsense dialect,
Jonas won’t understand it, you know?
Can you elaborate on how I put this task together?
Four of the participants were presented
with a VHS tape with a scene recorded on it.
They should record an explanation of the scene you have seen.
But it should be understandable when played backwards.
All this will be easier to understand if we just
go ahead and see how they solve the task.
Well then, let's see.
Ugh. Your face everywhere.
Mark lights a candle …
“Mark burns the candle at both ends.”
“Mark jumps over where the fence is lowest.”
“Mark crosses the creek for water.”
Mark walks over and he walks back …
“Mark blows and has flour in his mouth.”
Mark eats cocaine. It then must be understood backwards.
It's a little exciting to see if it works.
- It sounded great.
- The End. See you. Bye Bye.
The four scenes we distributed among the participants -
- were of you acting out a proverb.
Can we go through the four proverbs?
If we just pick up ...
Family celebrations can unfold in different ways.
Simon's scene was, "Mark burns the candle at both ends."
Tobias, "Mark jumps over where the fence is lowest." [cut corners]
Sofie, "Mark crosses the creek for water." [take unnecessary trouble]
Linda, you really got:
"Mark blows and has flour in his mouth." [want a cake and eat it, too].
It turned out to be: "Mark eats cocaine."
I'm excited to hear what "Å-bob-bob"
means when played backwards.
And how it's part of: "Mark jumps over where the fence is lowest."
But first I have to ask: Jonas, was it an easy task to solve?
No! Now I'm getting a little ahead.
But one of the only words I remember detecting, that’s cocaine.
Like that! Yes, yes, yes!
Of course, I know you don’t eat cocaine while being filmed, Mark.
I just thought it would be easier to understand. I'm brilliant.
It works like this -
- that for every sentence Jonas
correctly guesses, he gets two points.
If he guesses a sentence correctly,
the participant gets four points.
He can score eight points -
- or he can spend a very lengthy half an hour
trying to understand what the hell is going on.
Let's see how good he is at interpreting cassette tapes.
Piss. "Find out what scenes are
playing out on the four VHS tapes."
"You have 30 minutes. Time starts now."
I cannot hear what is being said at all.
"My tongue stings. I cannot speak."
I can see … not a bloody thing, you.
"Delicious blouse."
It sounds like a porn movie played slowly.
I do not get this.
It is Chewbacca.
Mark?
"Mark eats." I can not hear what he eats. Cockerel?
Cockerel. Yes.
Wait a minute.
Chocolate? "Mark eats ..."
Cocaine.
- How do you think it went?
- Not very good.
I knew those family gatherings would pay off.
One fine day I was going to use it for something.
Jonas. You had 30 minutes and you spent all the time.
I can damn well promise you it was a pain, that.
I made it a little easier for you by being good.
How close do you think you are to the other three?
If Linda had said something more that
made sense, I could have figured it out.
I've never felt so stupid. And you know,
there have been some episodes.
We had tried to make it easy with four common sayings, but it ...
- How did Sofie solve the task?
- Well.
The sentence we were looking for was,
"Mark crosses the creek for water."
But Sofie transforms it to:
"Mark comes walking across a tree trunk,
over some water. He takes a sip of water.
He then takes four bottles of water with him
and lets one bottle remain before he walks back."
In fact, just reading it forward is annoying.
It's more awesome than "Mark eats cocaine".
- There are three words.
- Jonna could damn well understand that!
In this exact task, it was more awesome to eat cocaine.
May I ask about something completely genuine?
Did the task tell us to find out what proverb Mark was doing?
- No.
- So I got five points, right?
You say five points, but there are four points
to the one whose sentence is being guessed.
Every time Jonas succeeds, there are two for him.
Jonas managed to guess Linda … That was it.
Linda's sentence.
Four points for Linda and two for Jonas.
- What does this mean for the position?
- It seems completely wild, but Linda has a significant lead.
We can squeeze in one more quick task.
Perhaps a task to round off in 30 seconds.
"Carrot and mammal."
Hi, Mark le Fællesnævner. [common denominator]
Carrots in a basket ...
Carrots nammenam.
That is a lot of carrots.
- How are you with carrots?
- Fine, I actually quite like them.
Should one just demonstrate that one
has seen Taskmaster? One, two -
- three, four …
Six, seven, eight, nine.
100 ...
200 ... 216.
"Build the tallest tower of carrots."
"Tallest free-standing carrot tower wins."
- "In 30 seconds." What?
- It was a very short time.
"Your time is restarted every time you
clearly whisper the name of a mammal."
Mammals …
- So my time starts all over again?
- Yes.
"You get no splits."
"If you whisper the same mammal twice, the task is over."
"Time starts now." Exciting!
I cannot think of one mammal right now.
A week ago we had a meatball assignment -
- where Simon, just in case, counted and built a tower of them.
This time he thoroughly counted the carrots, but thought to himself
he’ll just go ahead and read the task. Then a tower needs to be built.
The rules are somewhat complicated.
Maybe we should take them again.
A carrot tower must be built in 30 seconds.
But if one whispers, clearly, the name of a mammal -
- the 30 seconds starts over again.
If you know many mammals, you have a long time.
There are 5,400 different mammal species in the world.
Animals that feed their young at the teats.
And gives birth to them alive, by the way.
In theory, one can collect 45 hours to build a carrot tower.
If you can manage it. Because it does require knowing
a lot of mammals and having some patience as well.
Then shouldn’t we start out with someone who … -
- well, who knows some mammals?
I should just have said Linse Kessler!
[big breasted reality personage]
- I admit it.
- We'll see if you mention her.
I think it's a shitty task.
I think you should just drop it completely.
Rabbit.
I think it’s a really bad task, this.
- Aren’t you happy to be a participant?
- It's a really bad task.
You reach two mammals, and then
you lose patience with that stacking.
How high was Linda's tower?
16 centimeters is what it could be.
It's a basket full of carrots. If you are curious -
- a carrot is on average about 18 centimeters.
You could just have placed one like this.
Yes. You've been in the front so far, but then we know -
- who saves one point and a fifth place.
You almost have to see some of the other bids first.
He’s already sitting there grieving. Let’s see someone
who says about himself that he’s highly competitive -
- as well as equally highly idiotic.
- Yes! Are you really bad?
- I'm such a big idiot.
What is a mammal? Is humankind not a mammal? I think it is.
Esben …
… is a mammal.
Mark. Pretty sure that was the name of a mammal.
"If you whisper the same mammal ..." Fuck.
No, no. Because you're a mammal. Markus.
We just go with bible names. Matthew.
I should start. Markus.
- You've said Markus twice.
- No!
How annoying. I am such a competitive person.
- And such a big idiot.
- It's not a good mixture.
But if it is in any way usable, there are 216.
Markus! Matthew. Markus.
I am going home. How awful.
You are completely right. Can we review how it goes?
It goes, "Esben. Mark. Markus. Matthew. Markus."
And I could just have said it was spelled
with a “c” and have kept on going.
- But now it does not matter.
- But there were 216 carrots.
An average carrot standing upright: 18 centimeters.
Where is Simon’s attempt in relation to an average carrot?
Once again ... But it was only 12 for you.
12 centimeters.
It was not even applauded, Simon.
Simon understood the task and the rules, and yet it eluded him.
One almost has to believe it was to
his advantage that he knew the rules.
Yes, one would believe that. Now we'll see Sofie.
You don’t say so. I think I'm worse than you.
I have 30 seconds. But it will be restarted. It is fun.
Blue whale.
I do not know if this is the right technique.
- Is it a foundation or ...?
- Yes.
Absurdly large carrot that just came out there.
This is not all bad. You know, many would just
do like this, on top of each other, but that’s dumb.
- You could say that time has run out.
- Okay.
- Fine. So I should just move the carrots and start over?
- No. You are done.
Oh. Oh, I only had one? One attempt?
No! No, boo. Well okay, bye bye.
I actually do not know if I understood it.
But I think I thought I should remove them
and then 30 seconds would start again.
But it said, "There are no split times."
I had to give them myself by shouting the
names of mammals. And I know so many.
What we mean is really just that no
one tells when the time has passed.
I understand that now, Lasse.
It is now that I understand it.
You say that. But you are up against two
participants who understood the rules.
How did Sofie, who did not understand the rules, cope?
- Well …
- Better, actually.
How?
Your carrot foundation was 23 centimeters.
Higher than average.
In 30 seconds and without understanding
the rules, Sofie has taken the lead.
Who are we going to see now?
Tobias, who has a bulletproof plan
for not falling into the same time trap.
Persian cat.
Dog.
I have this timer …
Pilot whale.
Walrus.
- Cobra snake.
- Cobra snake?
It’s not a mammal, so the task is over.
No!
- It lays eggs.
- Yes. It does.
Well. That's it.
It got all biblical again, right?
The fucking snake.
- I was so close to winning.
- No, you were not close.
- What did he get?
- I have written five centimeters.
- That's what happens.
- I'm feeling a little down about it.
In the first couple of programs, our
North Jutlander was the dux of the class.
So I really hope he can snub some mammals.
Well, you can say …
Like so many other mythical heroes, there often is a weakness.
Achilles had that stupid heel.
Superman can not tolerate kryptonite.
And Jonas Mogensen, he cannot multitask!
Horse.
Cow.
Meerkat.
Wild boar.
Lion. Giraffe. Blue whale.
Roe deer. Hamster.
Opossum.
- I just measure the pile?
- Yes. I think it’s my best chance of success.
You knew many mammals.
That’s probably the most positive to
be said about this experience here.
It's not even a tower. It's a festoon of carrots.
- Shut up, how stupid.
- How's he doing?
It was 21 centimeters, which gives him second place.
Right now the best pile is performed by one -
- who, I sense, still does not understand the rules.
- Seriously? Five points?
- You get five points!
I cannot …
I cannot accept that you mutually celebrate
that one of you is the least of a failure -
- in this task. It simply can’t be that difficult to solve.
Can we do something to clarify that this task is solvable?
We actually allowed ourselves to call in a little professional help.
Both to mock you on public television -
- but also to show how this should be solved.
You didn't have to do that.
- Hi, Sebastian Klein. [host of animal related programs]
- Hi, Mark le Fêvre.
"Build the tallest tower of carrots."
"Highest free-standing carrot tower wins. You have 30 seconds."
"Your time gets restarted every time
you clearly whisper a mammal."
How easy.
Squirrel. Hedgehog.
Chimpanzee. Lemur. Humankind.
Yellow-necked mouse. Blue whale.
Fin whale. Bottle-nosed dolphin. Gnu.
Howler monkey. Canadian lynx. Pangolin.
And it's a mammal.
Maned wolf. Coati. Orangutan.
Gibbon. Sea cow.
Leopard. Jaguar. Killer whale. Northern birch mouse.
Golden jackal. Spotted hyena.
Reindeer. Kudu. Bongo antelope.
Baboon. Dygong. Sei whale.
Black-backed jackal. Skunk. Civet cat. Fruit bat.
Long-eared bat. Minke whale. Sea leopard.
Bonobo monkey.
- I just think I'm stopping here.
- Thanks for stopping by.
That guy …
I love that three minutes ago Sofie
said she knew so many mammals.
He went with all of those I would have said.
- How wild he is, man.
- It's really the only thing he can do, come on.
All five of you, grownups with Stormester
experience, have been beaten by one -
- who we all got to know as Dr. Pjuskebusk
[character from a kids’ nature program]
Let's get points distributed among our
participants excluding Sebastian Klein.
Tobias: One point.
Simon gets two points.
Linda gets three points.
Jonas gets four points.
And Sofie gets five points.
This means that right now Linda P is in the front.
Finally!
So close to a program victory and to being
able to scratch places she can't reach.
Will Linda succeed in this one program?
We’ll find out after the last task that takes place here on stage.
It has yet again become the moment for the final task.
Sometimes these are the simplest ideas -
- which develop into the most complicated scenarios.
Let one of the participants read the task.
It's rather unique that she's in the lead,
so she should be allowed to read aloud.
Thanks for that, Mark.
Well.
"Stand on either one or two legs."
"You must have both hands on your head during your attempt."
"The Stormester will guess whether
you are standing on one or two legs."
"If he's guessing right, you're out. Last person left wins."
- That’s fun, Sofie!
- Yes, that’s fun. Exciting.
One could call it "Rock, Scissors, Paper" without paper.
You will do it in the box designed for the occasion.
Cool game. Let's go!
Linda. Step on.
- When you lock your selection, you must …
- Yes, thank you, Lasse.
I think you want me to think it's one leg,
but then you're standing on two …
But it's a double bluff and you stand on just one leg.
Yes please!
Unfortunately.
Simon Talbot, will you be allowed to try?
That one is tricky.
Notoriously good balance skills.
Maybe I should draw out time to see if he can hold it.
For it could be that he is standing on one leg.
I think he is. I think he's really good at it.
No!
Sofie.
You went to dance school, isn’t that correct?
Very well.
Now you're distracting me.
Something about your breathing makes me guess one leg.
Yes please!
It was a few centimeters.
- Jonas Mogensen.
- I did not go to dance school.
It's hard, because I have a leg that is half a meter longer ...
... no, half a centimeter.
Half a centimeter. Sorry, I interrupted, Jonas.
Jonas is so bad at multitasking that he
cannot stand on two legs at the same time.
Tobias, then it's your turn.
- I stood on two.
- You stood on two.
Tobias …
I go all in. It's a single leg Tobias is standing on right now.
No!
We're moving on to the next round.
The three who survived are the three gentlemen.
Simon Talbot, you're trying again.
Two legs.
Yes! Yes!
Well, Jonas. Shall we see what it will be?
Jonas, you're on one leg.
- Yes you are!
- Well done, Lasse.
He's damn not to cheat.
If Tobias is fooling me, he has won tonight's final task.
Tobias Rahim stands on one leg.
It's obvious to anyone.
- You got me.
- The master of hypnosis.
Tonight's final task was won by Tobias Rahim.
But, Mark le Fêvre, who can leave here
with a North Jutlandic scratch-stick?
Well then ... congratulations on that. It's you, Linda P.
In the future, Linda will be happy to
scratch where others cannot reach.
I have only one thing to add:
I was once at the ophthalmologist, and she asked me cocky:
"Can you read what the bottom line says?"
I tightened up and read it aloud. It said:
"Thanks for tonight."
Danish text: Ida Elling Magnus
Dansk Video Tekst
- Take care, Mark.
- Lasse.
- Hell, how tight these pants are!
- Eww, how disgusting.
- Why?!
- I can't anymore!
- That's damn draft beer.
- Sure.
Good Evening. Welcome to Stormester.
Five well-known Danes have shown courage.
They have made a promise to rack
their brains for imaginative solutions -
- to show that it’s exactly them who are the most deserving.
My name is Lasse Rimmer. I am the Stormester.
It’s me who must be convinced and entertained, but you as well.
Our five courageous participants are:
Linda P!
Simon Talbot!
Sofie Jo Kaufmanas!
Jonas Mogensen!
And finally Tobias Rahim!
And as always, here by my side, the lovely …
No wait, it’s Mark le Fêvre.
Mark le Fêvre!
I cannot teach people a whole new language,
but I can remind you that le Fêvre is French -
- and means "the back tooth sucker".
I'm pretty sure it does.
So, what's going on in your world?
What's happening with Mark le Fêvre?
I have spent, frankly, a little more than 1400 kroner on -
- having my index finger upgraded with this little bad boy.
I have to admit that it does a significant part of the work on stage.
It was time for a little bling-bling to fing-fing.
Can you not use fing-fing to designate the trophy -
- that all of our participants hope to take home?
There it was.
Fortunately, it's not just the season prize that is at stake.
In each program, one participant is particularly motivated to win.
Because they have brought something they eagerly want
to take back home. Who has brought the prize for tonight?
It’s often something exclusive and delicious that’s at stake,
so I’m always curious about it, and it is you, Mogensen?
What did you bring?
In the light of last program's 1.5-meter high piece of photographic art -
- then this sort of pales in comparison.
But it is hard to track down a good scratch-stick.
Most are a little too rough. But this one has been filed by using.
I know I'm going to regret this question.
But what’s the itching you use it for?
I have a spot ...
... I cannot reach.
But that one can.
Otherwise, Mark has a finger you can borrow.
I cannot get started until I know what the spot is.
Well, it's quite classic, and quite boring.
It’s right between the shoulder blades.
- So here?
- Yes, a little further.
Yes, right there.
It’s a Mogensen weakness, wanting to be scratched on the back.
We shouldn’t talk more about it, we should get on with this …
Shall we get started?
After a year and a half of this shitty
pandemic, we’re heading to a task -
- which may seem almost forbidden.
Le Fêvre-le Fêvre-le-le-le Fêvre.
- Hi, Mark le Femårig. [a five year old]
- Are we ready for one more?
Yes. Exciting.
Well?
- Are you letting me hang?
- There is a task.
- "Give Mark ...
- ... a special hug."
- "You have 20 minutes."
- "Most special hug wins."
"Time starts now."
Let’s start out with a regular one. My man.
- It’s special just getting a hug from me.
- You do not share them out like that?
Simon Talbot assists me a little -
- by showing what an ordinary hug looks like.
What is a special hug, then?
It's a hug that is unordinary.
So, not what you just did with Mark.
We have established what we aren’t looking for.
I want to see something special, that
might even awaken something in me.
We have to see Simon, but also Sofie in fact.
Is there a hug you have received that you clearly remember?
That one time when my father ... No, he did not.
I have many ideas. I need some people.
One, two, three, four, five, six. I need to talk to someone.
I have to check how far it is from the balcony.
- It is going to be the hug of your life. Ready?
- Yes!
Welcome to Mark's special hug. Here you go!
Yes. We're just getting some people in.
I love you, Mark!
- Mark?
- Yes.
- Wasn't it nice?
- Yes, it was wonderful.
Why do action movies always have to be so violent?
Why can't they also show emotion?
You make a hug-millipede. How many were involved?
A thousand.
- They’re standing really close.
- Rounded up to the nearest thousand.
I like the idea of a chain hug.
Maybe it would’ve been nice to have a more joint hug.
One takes the knee, one takes the
malleolus, and one takes the ear, and …
Yes, that would have been a better idea, Sofie.
Thank you, Linda. I wonder if it could be what you’re doing.
What was the thought behind this hug?
The thought was something with energies, going into each other,
we had not hugged for a long time, because of corona …
Arh. It was a quick little idea.
It looks cute, come on!
It started out sounding good.
"I have a dream ..." No, fuck it.
Simon, what was your idea?
Something about stunts was at stake.
It is because for too long humankind has been oppressed.
- Bring it on.
- My fucking gods.
- Isn't it the same as mine?
- No!
My thought is, why should it always be violent?
I wanted to show how you can have a masculine
"bro-relationship", like the two of us have …
Yeah okay.
It was a stunt of masculinity that ended up in
the tenderness shared between two friends.
Too bad it still looks like two three-year-olds
tumbling in the kindergarten’s “cushion room”.
- I also want to say ...
- At three years old they have gotten hair.
- Who gets to hug you now?
- At least let's move on.
We'll see your hug, Linda.
The attentive viewer might wonder how Linda expresses a hug.
Maybe something like, “This bat is hugging your forehead, Mark."
But there might be a more sensitive side
hiding underneath that unpleasant exterior.
Or not.
No. Doesn't matter.
I was just thinking, something yellow? And then the funnel.
Yes ... You can get it on your head.
There’s plenty of time. If you feel like
going in an entirely different direction.
Have you ever gotten a hug that was something very special?
My mind went blank on stage one time,
and then Uffe Holm hugged me and said:
"You shouldn't worry about it."
He makes one feel special.
You're on speakerphone, Uffe.
Can you say something to Mark that makes him feel special?
Mark, it's Uffe, and I just want to say -
- that every time I see you on stage
or on the screen, I start to smile.
Because you're one of the kindest people I've ever worked with.
I remember we were filming a program together, and at one
point you just … I have never seen such a great karate kick.
Every time I see you perform, I think:
"That’s why he is one of Denmark's best stand-up comedians."
And every time I see you perform, I consider to stop
performing myself, because I'll never be as funny as you.
And you're a handsome man too.
You're one of those men who looks good without hair.
You have the most beautiful head shape.
There must be so many bald men looking up to you.
How sweet you are. Thank you, Uffe.
Bye.
It’s touching that I only had to pay Uffe 6000 for those words.
- No. Wasn't it nice?
- Who would have thought you had it in you?
- No one!
- That's why she got Uffe to do it.
When you think about all you have exposed Mark to -
- it is remarkable that you have to call a third
person and have them say the sweet things -
- when you could just have done it yourself.
For example, in a setting like the one we’re in now.
You could look him in the eye and tell him
some sweeter things than you normally do.
Does it give bonus points? Because you don't care
for him that much either, so I’m just wondering …
I just want to see if you can do it while keeping a straight face.
Dear Mark.
Now I can see that finger. It does not help.
Dear Mark.
You're ruining the moment.
Nobody believes I can do this.
Afterwards you say, "It gives no point,
but nice to humiliate you, Linda."
You do have such a nice head shape.
There’s always a camera on when we talk together.
That’s why it always gets so uncomfortable.
Off camera, you are the sweetest person I have ever met.
And I also think …
I also think you're a good colleague.
You're good at giving me advice. It isn’t true, the latter.
It was as long as she could hold it.
- The first two were good.
- It was nice.
How delightful that it was a delight for Mark,
and also to experience you from a side -
- that’s not so cynical, as when you say,
"I probably won’t get points for it."
You're right, but ...
There are no extra points in it.
Sometimes Mark just deserves to hear that.
Because he's not going to hear it from me.
Next hug. Who gives it?
We're going to Tobias, who likes to think in other directions.
I just want to be allowed to say ...
Sometimes when you do these tasks ... There is pressure.
And sometimes in this pressure amazing things are created -
- which the world has lacked.
And I haven’t got a patent for it yet ... so it's free for everyone.
That's a wonderful thing.
Well let's see what it is you have created.
A special hug. I start by googling hug [“kram”].
- "Kram 1."
- "Hugging. Embrace. Squeeze."
"Kram 2. Poor quality goods."
Mark, have a read in this one. "Social Psychology".
If you’re in high school and have to learn about some ideology -
- and you can’t find it in yourself to read all of it ...
Then you can simply ... inhale it.
Then you can sit like that.
- "It's some good ‘kram’."
- "Fuck, Karl Marx is exciting."
"Fuck, now I understand why we form queues."
"How sick. I just found out what FOMO means."
Hurry over there. Now you get the most special “kram”.
“Nah, being an influencer isn’t a real job then.”
You understand a lot right now, right? It's a construction.
I must admit that "kram" is a word with several meanings.
One of them is "poor quality goods".
"Rooster of Social Psychology".
You have made a bird knowledge-sculpture that can be inhaled.
It's damn poor.
As I walked away, I suddenly understood some of the
dynamics on set, where to appear in the hierarchy …
But then it's too good a product.
You should talk it down, you know.
But! It was just an illusion.
We are missing a single special hug.
I can guess who's handing it out, but can I see it?
The man who has expressed that just getting
a hug from him is special. Jonas Mogensen.
Yes …
The best hugs are the ones I give my daughter
in the mornings when I drop her off at kindergarten.
Yes.
The kindergarten is right here. They have a good playground.
It’s an integrated institution, so there’ll be quite a lot of children.
You just need to have your game face on.
Here you go, take these two. They do have some food, but …
Then it’s the hug.
Down.
- Take care. Good day. Mom picks up.
- Okay.
- What if they do not like me?
- Well … that cannot be helped. Then I like you.
That’s good.
I think I just threw up a little in my mouth.
You’ll be running in the local election coming up,
in a North Jutland district. You will be.
With that video? "Vote Mogensen".
"For the kids."
- No no no.
- It was damn sweet.
Let's hand out some points.
Five fine hugs, which makes it hard to rank you among yourselves.
The best experience of a chain hug is if you stand in the middle.
- So I'll reward you a single point.
- That's what I wanted all right.
It’s a clear one point solution.
Some experiences feel better for
those involved than for us watching.
Therefore, there are two points for Simon.
I like some law and round off to three
points for an inhalable knowledge bird.
Linda, I love seeing the side of you where
you open up to some of the gamut of emotions.
- You get four points for that.
- Cool!
It was delightfully original as well as appealing to
him who once had children in kindergarten himself.
Who would have known that it hit home like that.
But it did. You get five points, Jonas.
On long flights, you have to take notice of the blood
circulation in the legs, and get up and move around a bit.
Do you have a task that makes us rise from the chairs?
I have something here with a rather high pulse.
- Yes, yes.
- Hi, Mark le Fêrtilitetsklinik [fertilizing clinic].
There is paper. There are pens.
"Goal". It's very symbolic, right?
The two of us, standing here.
So far from it. Never reaching it.
- "Write a story …”
- "... in ten words."
"And cross the finish line."
Yup. Okay.
- I'm just checking if it’s tight.
- "You have to run while writing."
- "Fastest to cross the line …"
- "… with a real story, wins.”
- "Time starts now."
- You wrote some of "The Mink Breeders”, right? [comedy series]
A regular exercise run -
- and a regular story are the two ingredients in this task.
They should write a story, which includes having a start,
a middle and an end. The story must be in ten words.
And there must be running while writing the story.
Who are we going to start with?
With Simon, Linda and Tobias.
- "There was ..."
- "... a cow ..."
"... that ..."
- "... ran!"
- "But then ..."
"I run. I stop."
"A trip."
- "... it got up."
- One, two, three, four.
"He … died"
"A cow fell on its tail, but then it got up."
"I run, I stop. I persevere, more and more."
That's a good story, because it’s a little exciting.
It falls, oh no, what’s going on? But then it got up again.
Next time just think of … two meters and five.
And then a little above.
"There was a man -
- who ran a trip. "
"He died."
- Start, middle, end.
- Yes, there’s then a start, middle and end.
Yes. I'm with you, Linda.
Now we know why Tobias creates
fucked up birds and smokes them.
There was a proper blow there.
- Couldn't you see it as you got closer?
- It was a really hard blow.
One is very exposed as a tall person. It does
happen sometimes. It’s the “tall man struggle”.
I asked for three stories from three
participants in exactly ten words -
- written while running.
Linda offered, "A cow fell on its tail, but then it got up."
There is a cow. That’s a beginning. What happens next?
It fell on its tail. That’s an unusual direction for a cow, but sure.
Then it gets up at last. We got our end.
A story in ten words, it’s approved.
Thanks.
We have kind of the same dramaturgical composition.
"There was a man", that’s a start right there.
"He ran a trip." Yes, the middle.
What happens then? He died!
That’s sad. It's a sad ending, I would say.
As Seinfeld says, "Premise, punchline, act out."
I'm becoming the man in the story.
And then I finally jump and die.
- It's a great act out of the story.
- It was not part of the task.
Listen to Lasse, "It was not part of the task."
- Well, it wasn’t.
- I can tell there are several cows on stage, that’s for sure …
I recognized the dramaturgical structure in the first two stories.
There is more of a poetic vein in it:
"I run, I stop. I persevere, more and more."
So try to read it again and again. Then you have my whole life.
"I run, I stop. I persevere, more and more."
"I run ...". Hold up, how come you’re telling me how to do this?
- I do not understand.
- That's what he does.
It’s a story. There are actually several acts in it. Beautiful.
It's just someone who’s late for the bus. It isn’t that beautiful.
I'm just interested in: What were the
times for the first three participants?
Tobias hammers his head into the finish line after 45 seconds.
Simon is faster and is over the finish line after 36 seconds.
But the fastest is you, Linda. 24 seconds.
Three stories, three strong times.
Did you save the best for last?
Of course he did.
I wish I was told you wanted it in that order.
You cannot change that. Here comes Sofie and Jonas.
Fuck!
- Was there something about a number of words?
- What does the task say? - Ten words?
No!
Yes! Easy. Mega easy.
"A woman comes in. Sees man ball another. Goes out."
That's 11 words.
- How is the story coming along?
- Only ten words?
- How many have you written?
- Many more.
- Time’s still running.
- But what does it run up to?
No! What is this?
Then I can just do it again!
- Should you run along?
- I keep an eye on it.
How many words do you have?
About 12-13.
The fastest wins, you know?
"A woman comes in. Sees man ball stranger."
"Goes out."
I cannot multitask!
- I look forward to having learned how to read tasks.
- "Three chickens went into a bar."
- "They laid down." Laid.
- Yes, I got it.
I cannot think and run at the same time ...
But you can run and look like a giant shovel.
That is also good.
I thought Mark needed some exercise.
We took a round … I just cannot multitask.
I have a hard time abstracting from the fact that you
are two hosts. Just that makes it hard to concentrate.
None of you are reading the task closely.
You could just stand there, compose the story
and then write it down while running.
Just hand out the points, Lasse.
- Aren't you going to mock me and my terrible attempt?
- There’s no need. Jonas was probably worse.
Yes. But you were poor too.
Okay.
- So I was worse than …
- We're so evil.
You ran all the way to the finish line and
stood there twiddling your thumb for a while.
Then you run all the way back and have
another go at it. And I was still inferior.
The stories are approved.
Sofie, if there was one word too many,
you could have just crossed it out.
But you chose to start all over again. That’s your problem.
We just need to have the times on the two stories.
Sofie should have something extra. It was an erotic short story.
- No! It was a sad story.
- Oh, well. Sad.
It sounds like Jonas Mogensen’s sex life.
What the fuck do you know about that?
I've heard from your wife that you cannot multitask.
But I have a wife.
It felt good.
I think he's really happy about giving you … one point.
Jonas, I approve of your story and note -
- that you’re in fifth place, or as your wife
would say, there are four in front of you.
Okay, then we stop!
Then we stop, because then I get the last word.
Let's get their time.
The time to beat is Linda's 24 seconds. And Sofie ...
... does not beat it.
She spent three minutes and three seconds.
You could call it a bad time, but you haven't heard Jonas' yet.
He spent 5 minutes and 49 seconds.
- How are the points distributed?
- There is one point for Jonas Mogensen.
Then there are two points for Sofie -
- three points for Tobias,
four points for Simon -
- and five points to Linda P.
- Finally!
- This means that Linda P is in front.
- What?
- Yes.
- Right now it tastes a bit of ...
- Success.
I would have said scratch-stick.
We are going to a task that could be
called "sdrawkcab klat". [snælgab kans]
- It's "talk backwards". [snak baglæns]
- Arh. Yes, yes!
I didn’t get any of it.
Hi, Mark le Femølejren [all women's island-camp in the 70s].
Kick the door in. Seize the opportunity.
Take on the day, become one with the day.
What an old television.
A cassette recorder. A television.
It's damn old school.
"Explain what's going on in the movie."
- "You must record your explanation."
- "It must be understood backwards."
- "You have ten minutes.
- "Time starts now."
Fun!
This needs to stop. What does it mean?
That's cool. Then I have to say it backwards.
If one has to say, "she bore a child," it is, "a child, bore she."
No.
I just want to say … Before this one.
Just when this one started, Linda leans in
and says, "Oh, I hope I'm good at this one."
- How fun it is.
- You're high on your success.
"One, two, three" from behind is, "Four, two ..."
But the solution I come up with is ingenious.
- I look forward to seeing it.
- The Danish Yoda.
- "Child she gives birth to."
- We come to the solutions.
- We'll probably get to them.
- You’re enjoying yourselves, huh?
It is an oldschool task with cassette tape and VHS machine.
Before we explain the rules again ...
Maybe you can just explain to Jonas why he isn’t in the clip.
Jonas. Sometimes we need a test person.
We assessed that you would be the best.
Do you remember a somewhat similar task,
which could be connected to this, that you solved?
I’ve solved … I have not solved anything.
There I said too much.
I got four cassette tapes and had to figure out what was being said.
- That is exactly right.
- No, how cowardly.
I thought you should figure it out.
Unless you're talking in a nonsense dialect,
Jonas won’t understand it, you know?
Can you elaborate on how I put this task together?
Four of the participants were presented
with a VHS tape with a scene recorded on it.
They should record an explanation of the scene you have seen.
But it should be understandable when played backwards.
All this will be easier to understand if we just
go ahead and see how they solve the task.
Well then, let's see.
Ugh. Your face everywhere.
Mark lights a candle …
“Mark burns the candle at both ends.”
“Mark jumps over where the fence is lowest.”
“Mark crosses the creek for water.”
Mark walks over and he walks back …
“Mark blows and has flour in his mouth.”
Mark eats cocaine. It then must be understood backwards.
It's a little exciting to see if it works.
- It sounded great.
- The End. See you. Bye Bye.
The four scenes we distributed among the participants -
- were of you acting out a proverb.
Can we go through the four proverbs?
If we just pick up ...
Family celebrations can unfold in different ways.
Simon's scene was, "Mark burns the candle at both ends."
Tobias, "Mark jumps over where the fence is lowest." [cut corners]
Sofie, "Mark crosses the creek for water." [take unnecessary trouble]
Linda, you really got:
"Mark blows and has flour in his mouth." [want a cake and eat it, too].
It turned out to be: "Mark eats cocaine."
I'm excited to hear what "Å-bob-bob"
means when played backwards.
And how it's part of: "Mark jumps over where the fence is lowest."
But first I have to ask: Jonas, was it an easy task to solve?
No! Now I'm getting a little ahead.
But one of the only words I remember detecting, that’s cocaine.
Like that! Yes, yes, yes!
Of course, I know you don’t eat cocaine while being filmed, Mark.
I just thought it would be easier to understand. I'm brilliant.
It works like this -
- that for every sentence Jonas
correctly guesses, he gets two points.
If he guesses a sentence correctly,
the participant gets four points.
He can score eight points -
- or he can spend a very lengthy half an hour
trying to understand what the hell is going on.
Let's see how good he is at interpreting cassette tapes.
Piss. "Find out what scenes are
playing out on the four VHS tapes."
"You have 30 minutes. Time starts now."
I cannot hear what is being said at all.
"My tongue stings. I cannot speak."
I can see … not a bloody thing, you.
"Delicious blouse."
It sounds like a porn movie played slowly.
I do not get this.
It is Chewbacca.
Mark?
"Mark eats." I can not hear what he eats. Cockerel?
Cockerel. Yes.
Wait a minute.
Chocolate? "Mark eats ..."
Cocaine.
- How do you think it went?
- Not very good.
I knew those family gatherings would pay off.
One fine day I was going to use it for something.
Jonas. You had 30 minutes and you spent all the time.
I can damn well promise you it was a pain, that.
I made it a little easier for you by being good.
How close do you think you are to the other three?
If Linda had said something more that
made sense, I could have figured it out.
I've never felt so stupid. And you know,
there have been some episodes.
We had tried to make it easy with four common sayings, but it ...
- How did Sofie solve the task?
- Well.
The sentence we were looking for was,
"Mark crosses the creek for water."
But Sofie transforms it to:
"Mark comes walking across a tree trunk,
over some water. He takes a sip of water.
He then takes four bottles of water with him
and lets one bottle remain before he walks back."
In fact, just reading it forward is annoying.
It's more awesome than "Mark eats cocaine".
- There are three words.
- Jonna could damn well understand that!
In this exact task, it was more awesome to eat cocaine.
May I ask about something completely genuine?
Did the task tell us to find out what proverb Mark was doing?
- No.
- So I got five points, right?
You say five points, but there are four points
to the one whose sentence is being guessed.
Every time Jonas succeeds, there are two for him.
Jonas managed to guess Linda … That was it.
Linda's sentence.
Four points for Linda and two for Jonas.
- What does this mean for the position?
- It seems completely wild, but Linda has a significant lead.
We can squeeze in one more quick task.
Perhaps a task to round off in 30 seconds.
"Carrot and mammal."
Hi, Mark le Fællesnævner. [common denominator]
Carrots in a basket ...
Carrots nammenam.
That is a lot of carrots.
- How are you with carrots?
- Fine, I actually quite like them.
Should one just demonstrate that one
has seen Taskmaster? One, two -
- three, four …
Six, seven, eight, nine.
100 ...
200 ... 216.
"Build the tallest tower of carrots."
"Tallest free-standing carrot tower wins."
- "In 30 seconds." What?
- It was a very short time.
"Your time is restarted every time you
clearly whisper the name of a mammal."
Mammals …
- So my time starts all over again?
- Yes.
"You get no splits."
"If you whisper the same mammal twice, the task is over."
"Time starts now." Exciting!
I cannot think of one mammal right now.
A week ago we had a meatball assignment -
- where Simon, just in case, counted and built a tower of them.
This time he thoroughly counted the carrots, but thought to himself
he’ll just go ahead and read the task. Then a tower needs to be built.
The rules are somewhat complicated.
Maybe we should take them again.
A carrot tower must be built in 30 seconds.
But if one whispers, clearly, the name of a mammal -
- the 30 seconds starts over again.
If you know many mammals, you have a long time.
There are 5,400 different mammal species in the world.
Animals that feed their young at the teats.
And gives birth to them alive, by the way.
In theory, one can collect 45 hours to build a carrot tower.
If you can manage it. Because it does require knowing
a lot of mammals and having some patience as well.
Then shouldn’t we start out with someone who … -
- well, who knows some mammals?
I should just have said Linse Kessler!
[big breasted reality personage]
- I admit it.
- We'll see if you mention her.
I think it's a shitty task.
I think you should just drop it completely.
Rabbit.
I think it’s a really bad task, this.
- Aren’t you happy to be a participant?
- It's a really bad task.
You reach two mammals, and then
you lose patience with that stacking.
How high was Linda's tower?
16 centimeters is what it could be.
It's a basket full of carrots. If you are curious -
- a carrot is on average about 18 centimeters.
You could just have placed one like this.
Yes. You've been in the front so far, but then we know -
- who saves one point and a fifth place.
You almost have to see some of the other bids first.
He’s already sitting there grieving. Let’s see someone
who says about himself that he’s highly competitive -
- as well as equally highly idiotic.
- Yes! Are you really bad?
- I'm such a big idiot.
What is a mammal? Is humankind not a mammal? I think it is.
Esben …
… is a mammal.
Mark. Pretty sure that was the name of a mammal.
"If you whisper the same mammal ..." Fuck.
No, no. Because you're a mammal. Markus.
We just go with bible names. Matthew.
I should start. Markus.
- You've said Markus twice.
- No!
How annoying. I am such a competitive person.
- And such a big idiot.
- It's not a good mixture.
But if it is in any way usable, there are 216.
Markus! Matthew. Markus.
I am going home. How awful.
You are completely right. Can we review how it goes?
It goes, "Esben. Mark. Markus. Matthew. Markus."
And I could just have said it was spelled
with a “c” and have kept on going.
- But now it does not matter.
- But there were 216 carrots.
An average carrot standing upright: 18 centimeters.
Where is Simon’s attempt in relation to an average carrot?
Once again ... But it was only 12 for you.
12 centimeters.
It was not even applauded, Simon.
Simon understood the task and the rules, and yet it eluded him.
One almost has to believe it was to
his advantage that he knew the rules.
Yes, one would believe that. Now we'll see Sofie.
You don’t say so. I think I'm worse than you.
I have 30 seconds. But it will be restarted. It is fun.
Blue whale.
I do not know if this is the right technique.
- Is it a foundation or ...?
- Yes.
Absurdly large carrot that just came out there.
This is not all bad. You know, many would just
do like this, on top of each other, but that’s dumb.
- You could say that time has run out.
- Okay.
- Fine. So I should just move the carrots and start over?
- No. You are done.
Oh. Oh, I only had one? One attempt?
No! No, boo. Well okay, bye bye.
I actually do not know if I understood it.
But I think I thought I should remove them
and then 30 seconds would start again.
But it said, "There are no split times."
I had to give them myself by shouting the
names of mammals. And I know so many.
What we mean is really just that no
one tells when the time has passed.
I understand that now, Lasse.
It is now that I understand it.
You say that. But you are up against two
participants who understood the rules.
How did Sofie, who did not understand the rules, cope?
- Well …
- Better, actually.
How?
Your carrot foundation was 23 centimeters.
Higher than average.
In 30 seconds and without understanding
the rules, Sofie has taken the lead.
Who are we going to see now?
Tobias, who has a bulletproof plan
for not falling into the same time trap.
Persian cat.
Dog.
I have this timer …
Pilot whale.
Walrus.
- Cobra snake.
- Cobra snake?
It’s not a mammal, so the task is over.
No!
- It lays eggs.
- Yes. It does.
Well. That's it.
It got all biblical again, right?
The fucking snake.
- I was so close to winning.
- No, you were not close.
- What did he get?
- I have written five centimeters.
- That's what happens.
- I'm feeling a little down about it.
In the first couple of programs, our
North Jutlander was the dux of the class.
So I really hope he can snub some mammals.
Well, you can say …
Like so many other mythical heroes, there often is a weakness.
Achilles had that stupid heel.
Superman can not tolerate kryptonite.
And Jonas Mogensen, he cannot multitask!
Horse.
Cow.
Meerkat.
Wild boar.
Lion. Giraffe. Blue whale.
Roe deer. Hamster.
Opossum.
- I just measure the pile?
- Yes. I think it’s my best chance of success.
You knew many mammals.
That’s probably the most positive to
be said about this experience here.
It's not even a tower. It's a festoon of carrots.
- Shut up, how stupid.
- How's he doing?
It was 21 centimeters, which gives him second place.
Right now the best pile is performed by one -
- who, I sense, still does not understand the rules.
- Seriously? Five points?
- You get five points!
I cannot …
I cannot accept that you mutually celebrate
that one of you is the least of a failure -
- in this task. It simply can’t be that difficult to solve.
Can we do something to clarify that this task is solvable?
We actually allowed ourselves to call in a little professional help.
Both to mock you on public television -
- but also to show how this should be solved.
You didn't have to do that.
- Hi, Sebastian Klein. [host of animal related programs]
- Hi, Mark le Fêvre.
"Build the tallest tower of carrots."
"Highest free-standing carrot tower wins. You have 30 seconds."
"Your time gets restarted every time
you clearly whisper a mammal."
How easy.
Squirrel. Hedgehog.
Chimpanzee. Lemur. Humankind.
Yellow-necked mouse. Blue whale.
Fin whale. Bottle-nosed dolphin. Gnu.
Howler monkey. Canadian lynx. Pangolin.
And it's a mammal.
Maned wolf. Coati. Orangutan.
Gibbon. Sea cow.
Leopard. Jaguar. Killer whale. Northern birch mouse.
Golden jackal. Spotted hyena.
Reindeer. Kudu. Bongo antelope.
Baboon. Dygong. Sei whale.
Black-backed jackal. Skunk. Civet cat. Fruit bat.
Long-eared bat. Minke whale. Sea leopard.
Bonobo monkey.
- I just think I'm stopping here.
- Thanks for stopping by.
That guy …
I love that three minutes ago Sofie
said she knew so many mammals.
He went with all of those I would have said.
- How wild he is, man.
- It's really the only thing he can do, come on.
All five of you, grownups with Stormester
experience, have been beaten by one -
- who we all got to know as Dr. Pjuskebusk
[character from a kids’ nature program]
Let's get points distributed among our
participants excluding Sebastian Klein.
Tobias: One point.
Simon gets two points.
Linda gets three points.
Jonas gets four points.
And Sofie gets five points.
This means that right now Linda P is in the front.
Finally!
So close to a program victory and to being
able to scratch places she can't reach.
Will Linda succeed in this one program?
We’ll find out after the last task that takes place here on stage.
It has yet again become the moment for the final task.
Sometimes these are the simplest ideas -
- which develop into the most complicated scenarios.
Let one of the participants read the task.
It's rather unique that she's in the lead,
so she should be allowed to read aloud.
Thanks for that, Mark.
Well.
"Stand on either one or two legs."
"You must have both hands on your head during your attempt."
"The Stormester will guess whether
you are standing on one or two legs."
"If he's guessing right, you're out. Last person left wins."
- That’s fun, Sofie!
- Yes, that’s fun. Exciting.
One could call it "Rock, Scissors, Paper" without paper.
You will do it in the box designed for the occasion.
Cool game. Let's go!
Linda. Step on.
- When you lock your selection, you must …
- Yes, thank you, Lasse.
I think you want me to think it's one leg,
but then you're standing on two …
But it's a double bluff and you stand on just one leg.
Yes please!
Unfortunately.
Simon Talbot, will you be allowed to try?
That one is tricky.
Notoriously good balance skills.
Maybe I should draw out time to see if he can hold it.
For it could be that he is standing on one leg.
I think he is. I think he's really good at it.
No!
Sofie.
You went to dance school, isn’t that correct?
Very well.
Now you're distracting me.
Something about your breathing makes me guess one leg.
Yes please!
It was a few centimeters.
- Jonas Mogensen.
- I did not go to dance school.
It's hard, because I have a leg that is half a meter longer ...
... no, half a centimeter.
Half a centimeter. Sorry, I interrupted, Jonas.
Jonas is so bad at multitasking that he
cannot stand on two legs at the same time.
Tobias, then it's your turn.
- I stood on two.
- You stood on two.
Tobias …
I go all in. It's a single leg Tobias is standing on right now.
No!
We're moving on to the next round.
The three who survived are the three gentlemen.
Simon Talbot, you're trying again.
Two legs.
Yes! Yes!
Well, Jonas. Shall we see what it will be?
Jonas, you're on one leg.
- Yes you are!
- Well done, Lasse.
He's damn not to cheat.
If Tobias is fooling me, he has won tonight's final task.
Tobias Rahim stands on one leg.
It's obvious to anyone.
- You got me.
- The master of hypnosis.
Tonight's final task was won by Tobias Rahim.
But, Mark le Fêvre, who can leave here
with a North Jutlandic scratch-stick?
Well then ... congratulations on that. It's you, Linda P.
In the future, Linda will be happy to
scratch where others cannot reach.
I have only one thing to add:
I was once at the ophthalmologist, and she asked me cocky:
"Can you read what the bottom line says?"
I tightened up and read it aloud. It said:
"Thanks for tonight."
Danish text: Ida Elling Magnus
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