Stormester (2018–…): Season 4, Episode 1 - Kan man bage Taj Mahal? - full transcript

Why?!

- No ...
- Last verse!

Good evening. Welcome to Stormester.

Five brand new foolhardy duelists
have been summoned from far and near -

- to try to impress me,
Lasse Rimmer, with their efforts.

I've been looking forward to this.
Let's greet the brave quintet.

Anders Breinholt. [journalist,
host of Natholdet late-night talk]

Neel Rønholt.
[actor, writer]

Mahamad Habane.
[stand-up comedian]

Annika Aakjær.
[singer-songwriter]

And Jakob Thrane.
[stand-up comedian]



You're sitting nice.
Nice to see you.

- You too.
- New team, new season.

New house, a new chair.
You've got a new suit.

I asked for a new suit.
A whole new one.

Not the clothes from the first
season with 40 liters of green paint.

I sense an undertone of ingratitude.

I've got a new suit.
New season of Stormester.

My faithful assistant,
Mark Le Fêvre.

Le Fêvre is French and
means "tennis champion".

- No ...
- Yes, I'm pretty sure.

We aren't just playing for a
single trophy for the whole season -

- but also a prize every time.
What are we playing for tonight?

We have asked one of the participants
to bring a personal item.

It should be something that the
person would rather not do without -



- so they make an effort
to win it back.

- Who has today's prize?
- Annika Aakjær does.

What are we playing for?

We're playing for the keys
to my 2002 VW Lupo.

I'm not done. It has an electric
sunroof and automatic transmission.

It has cruise control and drives
30 km on a liter of diesel.

But it has to go to the workshop first.

- You have to do that yourself.
- It's part of the prize.

That's not all we're vying for.

After seven programs, one of
our five talented participants -

- could decorate their home
with this fleshy face.

Mark Le Fêvre,
shall we get started?

We start with a task where I spent
three hours in a trash can.

It's good to be back.

- Where's Mark?
- I wonder where Mark is.

Mark?

It's good enough. A task.

Did he hide in a trash can?

"Which trash can is Mark in?"

- "Observe the seven commandments."
- "Guess only once."

"None of the bins can be opened ..."

"... unless authorized by
the seven commandments."

Time starts when I say so.

Mark is lying there with his
iPad. I can keep talking.

When oxygen is lacking,
one of the bins will shake.

Isn't it hot, Mark?

- "Fastest guess wins. Time starts now."
- Let's see the seven commandments.

"You have to roll one trash can 3 meters."

- "You must gently shake one."
- "You must strike one with the frying pan."

- "You must overturn one trash can."
- "You have to listen to one."

"You must, without looking, let
one thing fall into one trash can."

"You must make one call to Mark
while standing inside the shed."

Okay...

I have often looked at God's 10 commandments
and thought they could be made shorter.

- And more positive.
- I should have used the 6th commandment.

"You must, without looking, let
one thing fall into one trash can."

- A heavy thing.
- Not to hurt you, Mark.

It's only now that I
remember that commandment.

You think oxygen torture
would be a good method.

I want to find out where
he is. Mark quickly panics.

Mark is neurotic about certain things.

Oxygen may well be one of them.
It could have helped me.

Is it unique to Mark that he's anxious
about not being able to get air?

I just think he gets claustrophobic
if someone closes the lid.

- Do you suffer from claustrophobia?
- Apparently.

- We talk a lot with Anders.
- And we start with him.

Now that's a surprise.

"You have to make a call to Mark
while standing inside the shed."

Hello, Anders.

Hello. Where are you?

- I'm sitting in a trash can.
- Which one?

A really hot one.

I've heard you're good at yodeling.
Can I make you yodel?

- Thanks. I don't need more.
- It's good.

I hope to the powers that be
that this is it.

He's sitting down there.

Well, then I have not won.

Then Mark must die.

Then Annika Aakjær must find him.

- Shouldn't you use more?
- It's not just one. It's true.

You had an opportunity
to examine the bins.

- I didn't understand it either.
- I didn't read the task properly.

It is the first task,
so there will be better tasks.

You may be failing,
but you're doing it fast.

- Did anyone use multiple commandments?
- We can see Nabane and Annika.

Yes, please.

"You must gently shake
one trash can."

"You have to listen to one
trash can with a stethoscope."

- He's not in here.
- "You must overturn one trash can."

Why aren't I stronger?

Damn. "You must strike one trash
can with a frying pan."

Mark.

I hit him right in the head, I think.

- Hi, Mark. Did it hurt?
- What?

No, Okay. Well.

- It's Mark Le Fêvre.
- Be a good boy and stand up, Mark.

- Otherwise I'm freaking out.
- Then you have to freak out.

Then I have to strike with the pan.

"You must gently shake one trash can."

"You must, without looking, let
one thing fall into one trash can."

Okay.

Mark is in here.

I think he's here. That's my guess.

What?

Is there another trash
can somewhere else?

Effective, I would say.

In commandment 2, there is a word
that you disagree on the meaning of.

You have to gently, Annika,
shake one trash can.

- Then you'll see me when I'm crazy.
- I'm never letting you hold a baby.

- It was dramatic.
- You can keep my Cocio. [chocolate milk]

You hit the right trash can.
He thought he hit you in the head.

- It was very uncomfortable.
- Well, that was the right one?

It's well done.
So why didn't you say anything?

- I asked if it hurt.
- I didn't know where I was.

Annika, so far you're
the only one who found him.

You try in a loud voice
to coax Mark out of the trash.

- He didn't listen.
- It was against the rules.

I didn't understand what you said.
"You must be a good boy."

I commanded with you.
I felt militaristic.

But it worked. Let’s see
if anyone was faster.

One solves the task quickly.
One breaks the rules quickly.

Is it me?

I must gently shake one,
but I guess that's violent.

Okay. "You have to overturn
one trash can."

I can start with that.

I think Mark's in here.

- I was right here.
- It was you.

It's called female intuition.
See you.

I have to ask you,
for the whole class -

- read commandment number 2 aloud.
What does it say?

"You must gently
shake one trash can."

- You shook them all violently.
- I don't think it was violent.

No, not as violent.
Mine was more careful than yours.

- I don't know.
- I thought it was pretty violent.

It's not up to you.

You're a participant after my head.
It's never up to Mark.

In fact, no. We must get
done with Jakob Thrane.

Welcome to the program.
You are disqualified.

- Then there must be clapping.
- Then they clap.

Neel. You follow the rules.

You make the right choice.
Bucket #5. And you do it fast.

Yes, I was actually
quite surprised myself.

I usually have no luck in games.

I obviously have good intuition
when it comes to trash cans.

- Let's get some points.
- Zero to Anders, Habane, and Jakob.

Two wrong guesses
and one disqualification.

Annika got me out after
eight minutes and 49 seconds.

Neel was a little faster.
One minute and ten seconds.

For a long time, Danes haven't
been able to travel abroad on holiday.

- Can we have a little holiday atmosphere?
- Yes, I can handle that.

["Warm regards from
Stormester" in German]

- Hello.
- Is it Postman Pat? [animated char]

- No, my name is Mark.
- It's because I'm myopic.

- Mark. What will happen?
- Is it in there?

This means there is mail.

Shall we look at it?

"Build an inventive imitation
of a famous tourist attraction."

"You have 10 minutes to
make your shopping list."

"You have 20 minutes to build."

"The most inventive wins."

"Time starts now."

I want to ask for some sand.
And something made of papier-mâché.

A thick paper towel.
Black paint. Pine trees.

Priest's collar.

- And lots of white modeling wax.
- What the hell to do?

- Where have you been?
- Nowhere.

I can't travel out of the
country. I'm a refugee.

- I need some glasses.
- I choose the Taj Mahal.

- Or down under.
- A wig.

- It would be cool to bake it.
- And a nice chair.

- What is easy to build from?
- Citrus fruits. Lime.

- And a book.
- Orange. Lemon.

- Bechamel, frozen spinach, onions.
- A fake nose, bigger than yours.

I'm building the Leaning Tower
of Pisa. Of passports.

- Pomelo. Did I say grape?
- I have to make a lot of passports.

My cousin actually sells them.

- That's what I'm asking for.
- The rest I have to find in my heart.

- I look forward to that.
- I can understand that.

I need to be able to recognize the
attraction. Similarity is one parameter.

And then there's
how inventive you are.

That is the second parameter.

That is, ingenuity and similarity.
Who's going first?

I offer dancing with
three beautiful things.

Neel Rønholt, citrus fruits,
and extremely high falsetto.

Where is it going? How's it going?

Like this. We need four
of them. Like that.

I think it's going
to be nice. Like this.

So. Well. It's very nice.

Up with the clouds.
I warm up my voice.

I remember it as if
you were singing along.

Maybe just before the clip ...

We are actually on Utzon's Sydney shells.
[Jørn Oberg Utzon: designed Sydney Opera House]

But exactly how close did
we get to the original edifice?

- Shall we look at them side by side?
- Yes, here it comes.

Yes...

I think it's nicely solved.
Let's continue.

- Who's next?
- Habane. He has many things.

Nice hair. Talent.
But no passport.

We get an explanation afterwards.
Let's see your attraction.

Can you speak Somali? Say
"What are we going to eat tonight?"

We don't say that in Somalia.

It's fucking cozy.
Like needlework in school.

Yes, yes.

It's coming ...
It's a whole monument.

Well. There we have it.

The Leaning Tower of Pisa.
Of passports. Of pizza.

I'm out.

Yes, yes. I don't have
a passport, Mark.

That's because I'm a refugee.

I haven't seen the
Leaning Tower of Pisa.

When I wrote to you, you said
it's because you're a refugee.

But you hadn't applied for one either.

- Laziness comes into play.
- I have applied for it once.

Yes, I did. I performed for
the Crown Prince Couple.

For the afterparty, I talked
to Crown Prince Frederik.

He said, "That was
fucking funny, Mahamed."

"Thank you, Frede."
I just call him Frede.

I ventured to ask if he
could fix that passport.

Then he said no. So I gave up.

I'll probably say ...
I'm from Somalia.

If you performed for just one
of the presidents of Somalia ...

There are many.
That's why there is civil war.

I'm just saying ...
If he liked you -

- and you asked for a passport, they would
come running with a gold passport.

"Go ahead, my good lord."

I talked to he who will be king soon.

"No, you need to talk to
Lone from the civil service."

Let's take a look at how the Leaning Tower
of Pisa you've never seen before -

- in passports and in pizza,
looks compared to the original?

- Wow.
- Okay.

I am impressed. On to
the next masterpiece.

Yes. The next is Anders Breinholt.

Yes, it's Bornholm. [Danish island]

- What were you going to build?
- Dueodde Fyr. [lighthouse on Bornholm]

- What is your relationship with Bornholm?
- I was a soldier over there.

When you are on holiday,
you start talking like that.

"I would like smoked herring."

Finally, the waiter asked
us to shut up.

Do you know why all Bornholmers
run around with scissors in their pockets?

Then you can see they come from
a rocky island [klippeø - wordplay].

- 15 seconds.
- Thanks.

I love your local patriotism.
Dueodde Fyr.

We've seen the Sydney Opera House
and the Leaning Tower of Pisa -

- and then you select a lighthouse
for cutters on Bornholm.

Hammerhus [medieval fort on Bornholm] would
be too difficult. Dueodde Fyr was easier.

You can go there.

It's a beautiful place.
He must not travel.

- Then go to Bornholm.
- It's also a good place.

Mark Le Fêvre. Let's compare Dueodde
Fyr with Anders' interpretation.

Here's a comparison.

Yeah, okay. It's okay.

- Who are we missing now?
- We need a trip to India.

Can we just lower our
expectations a little bit?

Keep that in mind, and
then play the damn clip.

How many lasagnas high
is the Taj Mahal?

- 60.
- We have five.

Then it just has to go in.

Then just follow over there.

No...!

- What happened?
- It overturned. It's coming out now.

Oh ...

Fuck, it's hot.

Ouch!

- Ten seconds.
- No!

And the dome. No! No...

- Did I say welcome?
- Thank you.

The Taj Mahal has stood for 400 years.
Yours held for six minutes.

- Why was it in the oven?
- We could eat it afterwards.

We could also examine what the
Taj Mahal would look like -

- if we put it at 220 degrees. [428F]
Then it might look more like that.

- Then it probably slips out too.
- A curly man stands and screams ...

I think the guards will stop you
before you arrive with bechamel.

Jakob Thrane, I was thrilled
with the approach to your building.

Let’s look at it in
comparison to the Taj Mahal.

- Yes...
- Yes.

I like it.

That's how the Taj Mahal sees itself.

The Taj Mahal has very low self-esteem.

It was a good effort,
but did not end as expected.

We lack just one.

We are missing Annika Aakjærs.
If you are a little observant -

- maybe you can put two and two
together in relation to this.

- We go with the big nose.
- Yes...

- Does it wash off?
- It's going insanely good.

Shout "to travel is to live".
[Hans Christian Andersen quote]

To travel is to live...

I was born in Denmark ...
Shout it again.

- To travel is to live.
- We've done well, Mark.

- Yes, that's for sure.
- I am satisfied.

I had also ordered
Asians with expensive cameras.

But it was very difficult in
the middle of the coronavirus era.

They belong to that statue. H.C. Andersen at
Rådhuspladsen. [Copenhagen city hall square]

- Yes.
- It's then ...

A question arises.

Why does Mark's version
have sausages on its shoes?

There are sausages,
remoulade, and herring.

Why?

I probably just wanted
to do that to Mark.

I'm ready to hand out points.
Good effort, Jakob Thrane.

But disappointing result.
You get one point.

And then it gets difficult.
The field is hard. Neel, two points.

It also means that Anders and
Dueodde Fyr must have three points.

Then there is H.C. Andersen
and the Leaning Tower.

It's a great story that
you've never been to Italy.

Five points for Mahamed.
Four to Annika.

- I have only one thing to say. Vroom.
- Then we're going to the mechanic.

Let's see how it goes.

- Where are we going now, Mark?
- Now you have to go for the gold.

- Jakob Thrane.
- Hi, Mark.

You must wear a helmet.
Does it fit well?

How close should it fit?

There's a tomato.

- What?
- A tomato.

- There's something about getting it up there.
- Isn't it a tomato?

Isn't it a tomato?
No, a potato.

There are no reptiles or
spiders down here, are there?

If there is, I will refund
my participant fee.

And then I'll leave this place.

- Christ on a stick.
- "Gather your hands."

"The tip of all your
fingers on one hand ..."

"Touch the tip of the corresponding
fingers on the other hand."

- Like this?
- Like that.

- "Keep them that way all the time."
- Like this, right?

"Turn the task over now."

"Place the most gold
rings on this drumstick."

- "You have five minutes."
- "Time starts now."

The gold rings are hard
to find when you're standing there.

- Who do we take first?
- The best paid. Anders.

How to make unboxing
videos on YouTube.

"Hi, blog. Then I got
a pair of Skechers."

No! We'll cut that out.

There are no rings in there.
There is only one.

It was good mouth work.

Come to Daddy.

Namaste.

- It's there. Can you see it?
- Yes, there is one ring on.

There are no more rings
as far as I know.

Namaste. Anders Breinholt,
damn it ...

What to do? Obviously not like that.

- "Cut it out", and then you continued.
- Strange editors on this show.

- It's not like on Natholdet.
- Yes, they are the same from Ukraine.

They're also cheap.

I would like to see
some more participants.

- Can I tempt you with Annika and Jakob?
- Yes, please.

There are not a thousand gold rings
on this one, are there?

Sick if the whole underside
was just gold rings.

What can you do?

- You also have a gold ring on.
- Do you have any? Do I have to get it?

How do we do that, Mark?

- Spread your fingers.
- Uh, it's clammy.

There is also one here.

- Okay.
- Nice. A bowl of baked beans.

It's just like beans.
So I don't mind.

It's disgusting.

There's a double layer, Mark.

Three seconds. Time's up.

Now it's located.
There are two now.

It was an unpleasant
start to the day.

When you finally got into the fight,
it was with the buds in front.

I obviously have low standards
for what I put in my mouth.

How much of your dignity
did you leave inside the room?

I took a long bath.
I would like to admit that.

You identify many of the same rings.

Would you have done something different?
Jacob used both toes and mouth.

I was very happy not to
go down in the beans.

Mark, how did Annika and Jakob manage?

Annika, you found two gold rings.
But you only placed one.

- You are listed for one gold ring.
- Two. - One.

- Two, thank you.
- One, goodbye.

I hear your two and
round down to one.

- We'll write one.
- Jakob, on the other hand, had speed.

There are five gold rings in total.

One under the table.
One on my finger.

One in a plastic container, and one
on the helmet. It was close.

And yet so far away.
One in a bowl of baked beans.

You found four and only
missed the one on the helmet.

What about the last two?

As they say on another TV2 program: "Notice
the fine footwork." [Dancing with the Stars]

Now we'll see here.

Let me see your hand.

- One.
- One gold ring.

There's nothing in it.
There were no rings.

Why should I wear that helmet?
There's something on it.

Why did you stick one down here?

30 seconds. There's one there!

Time's up.

Is time up? See you.

- Six, Mark.
- Congratulations on that.

I was always chosen last
for football in primary school.

You are so good that you aren't
even surprised it succeeds.

No, that was the plan.

- How did you become so good?
- I've played a lot of football.

In Somalia, we would perform
on the streets for money.

- It was a gloomy explanation.
- I found gold rings.

- I've played a lot of football.
- You did the job well.

- Neel, were you satisfied?
- I was annoyed by that.

May I hear how many rings they got?

- Zero points to Anders for breaking the rules.
- Namaste.

Three points to Annika for one ring.
Four to Habane for three.

And five points to both Jacob
and Neel for four rings each.

This actually means that
Neel Rønholt is in the lead.

I was impressed by the legwork
in that task. Do you have more?

I have a task where you have to
impress another important person.

Not as important as you,
but important nonetheless.

Oh no.

Hello.

- Good day.
- Hi hi.

Hello.

I would like to admit that
I don't know what this is.

There it is.

- "Impress the ambassador."
- "You have 20 minutes." - "Time starts now."

Okay...

Let’s establish one thing first.

Mark Le Fevre, this is not an extra.

It is Pakistan's actual
ambassador to Denmark.

It is the current Pakistani
ambassador, Ahmad Farooq.

- But yes.
- Let me add something.

It's cut off, but I asked if
he could help with my passport.

He couldn't either.
I could get a visa to Pakistan.

I just came from Somalia.
I'm not going any further.

You all seemed quite pressured.

I think it crossed my boundaries.

I also know how I solved it.

Do you sit and wish that we
shouldn't see you solve the task?

- Yes.
- That was a quick answer, Neel.

- Are you in it, Jakob?
- We just cut.

The ambassador is not easy to impress.
Can Mahamad handle it?

- Let's see.
- Oh boy.

That's it. See you.

- You're not afraid of yourself.
- I was shitting in my pants.

I hadn't said what I
wanted to do either.

Mark also just stood
and watched for far too long.

- It was so nice.
- It was a mic drop.

He should be impressed.

How many times out of ten do
you think you can do this trick?

Should I try now, or what?

There is secret information on this.

Of course it's going wrong now.

So close. You get another chance.

It's an iPhone 5.

Mark Le Fevre, who should
impress the ambassador now?

I must say that it's
my personal favorite.

We're gonna see Neel
show what she thinks -

- is the most impressive,
she can at all.

Play it now!

You were so proud of yourself.

It's an open task, and you
had 20 minutes to impress.

I have no skills. I can't juggle.

I thought the only thing ...
I don't know why I did that.

Mahamad has just shown us
that he can do it again.

- I can't stop again.
- That's why I want to experience it.

- It was good.
- Yes.

I'm letting it go on ...
It's escalating.

Oh well...

It was thought that you couldn't
be more embarrassed, and so ...

- Mark Le Fevre, who do you have for me?
- We will see both Jakob and Anders.

Like ... Yeah, I don't know what
they're doing. At least they do something.

Impress him ...

It went very well.

He sat for 20 minutes with the expression
“Dad isn't mad, dad is disappointed.”

Anders, you tried to impress
with Natholdet and a road party.

One thing was not in the clip.
It was obviously cut out well.

That was the prelude. He has
been in Denmark for three weeks.

I thought integration.

I would impress by inviting him
to Tivoli and to the road party.

I wanted to show him Danish humor.
We tried some prank phone calls.

We called the butcher and
said, "Do you have pig ears?"

The butcher didn't pick up the phone.

I panicked and talked loose, and then
we came out into every nook and cranny.

We actually ended up talking about
the wallpaper on his computer.

Whether he himself had installed it
or whether the government managed it.

I reached far and wide. I wanted
to help and integrate him.

Give him a good time in Denmark.

We are missing a single
participant. Annika.

It's very clear that we are dealing
with a top, top, top professional singer.

You were all nervous, but
here the ambassador was nervous.

You would put your fist in your mouth.

But you didn't have to.

I don't know if it gnaws at you,
but he loves Pretty Woman.

I didn't get it. Subtract it
in points. Unless ...

Before you put your fist
in your mouth, we must remember -

- that it's not me
who hands out points.

- The ambassador does it himself.
- Correct.

Congratulations, Annika.

Neel would probably have liked to
have sold it for three points in advance.

I probably didn't choose the right tactics.

You know you were bad
when you lose to burping.

- It's good I have you, Jacob.
- There's one thing I need to know.

How do the points affect the position?

Neel and Annika have
taken the lead.

Annika leads with 16 points.
Neel follows with 15.

Mahamad is right nearby.
It's not Anders.

Annika seems to have a chance
to drive home in her own vehicle.

- It can't drive right now.
- That's the only problem.

We are still missing the live task
that takes place here on stage.

Anything can happen.
No, Anders can't win.

Now it's time for the final task.
Last chance to score points.

- Who reads the task aloud?
- It's Annika Aakjær.

Oh. Okay.

"Draw the second longest snake
on your toilet paper."

"Your snake should be
at least 2 cm wide."

"It should be nicely rolled up
after three minutes."

"Bonus points for the best snake."

Did you say you should
draw the second longest?

Yes, so it's something with ...

After three minutes, the
snake should be rolled up.

There are five points
for the second longest snake.

- And only for the second longest.
- Is the task understood?

Fine. The three minutes start now.

It's some real shitty paper.

- Is there no background music?
- I got it wrong.

It's a strange thing.
You can't color them.

- What are you doing for us today?
- Now I have reached the stomach.

It's going really bad.
So get out of here.

- What are the tactics here?
- The second longest snake ever.

Then there are five points in the account.
It's a blue snake.

It's one of the dangerous ones.

You must roll up your snakes nicely
before the three minutes have passed.

- Is it going as it should?
- Yes. What does it look like?

- There's not much noise from here.
- No.

Ten seconds. Five, four ...

Three, two, one.

Time's up.

Take really good care of that snake.

- Here you go.
- Thanks.

Let's start with Anders Breinholt.

Let's see. Beautiful.

- Great.
- It doesn't get much applause.

I admit it's a drawn snake.

Right now, yours is both
the shortest and the longest.

Got it. And the most beautiful.

- Do you want to help?
- Yes, why not?

You have worked at the
Royal Porcelain Factory.

Oh ... Like that.

- Most beautiful and second longest.
- Now Neel's is the second longest.

Oh...

Neel still has the
second longest snake.

It's also beautiful. A great tongue.

- What is this?
- A drawing.

What in heaven's name is that?

- It's second longest.
- It is.

- But is it a snake?
- Right now you have the second longest.

It's exciting.

Where does it end?

- There are two snakes.
- I have drawn the second longest.

I have drawn two so the
second longest is mine.

Try to hear. I award points
for two different achievements.

Mark, it's obvious who drew
the second longest snake.

An insane human being. Annika Aakjær.

Two bonus points for the best snake.

Viewed from a falcon's eye perspective,
Neel Rønholt has made the finest.

Who has won the first program of the season?

This means that the winner
is ... Annika Aakjær.

Come up and receive your prize.

A prize that Annika Aakjær
herself had put at stake.

This is only the
first stop on the road.

Next stop is an auto mechanic.

Annika becomes the first winner,
but the journey is long.

See you next time. Thanks for tonight.

Danish text: Martin Schiær
Danish Video Text