Stories (2020): Season 1, Episode 1 - Episode #1.1 - full transcript
Everyone I know,
I know from Instagram.
Instagram is just a pose.
People who see me on Instagram
will definitely call me a thug.
Instagram has a huge influence
on where I'm at today.
I'm dependent on it.
I want to feel alive,
I don't want anyone holding me back.
When I'm in a shitty mood
and I post a photo and get tons of "likes"
I feel really good.
Although Instagram can be deceptive
it's often just people's way...
Like, "here, this is me."
Take it or leave it.
I figured, I have something to say
that I want people to hear,
so I joined Instagram.
Goodbye, home,
goodbye, Apt. 9,
Quiet Street in the boonies,
three bedrooms,
master and hide-and-seek bedroom,
occupied bathroom,
goodbye, Friday afternoon
line for the shower,
goodbye, bunkbed,
dreams put away for now
in crumpled pages under the mattress,
goodbye, minor sins
committed secretly,
goodbye, month of Heshvan,
not October.
Goodbye, hide-and-seek,
best game in the world.
That's it, last shot with my hair.
Getting a haircut.
Goodbye, games of tag that I never win,
no more Mother-May-I,
goodbye, yard which was everything
but tended,
with mud that turned into pies,
and we'd wallow in the dirt
until Mom yelled:
"Dinnertime, kids,"
and every house has echoes
of screams and laughter,
the steam of pasta and vegetable soup,
and what's so bad about
eating pasta four times a week?
Goodbye, fistfights.
Goodbye, time to move on.
It's a totally new start for me.
I didn't look at a map of Israel
and say, "Hey, I'll live in Jerusalem."
I didn't choose the city,
but throughout my childhood,
when I started to wise up,
I knew I'd leave Kiryat Shmuel
as soon as I could
because I hate that place,
the people there are so... normal.
I got this sign off the street.
These are my poems that I printed.
These are candlesticks from home.
I love lighting candles.
We didn't have a TV at home,
or internet.
My mom didn't want them in the house.
Books were the only interesting
things I had. I was obsessed.
My sister had a cell phone
that I inherited.
It was a secret,
I hid it in my bag,
under my blanket, at night.
I'd watch "Survivor."
I want to be a settler...
I decided to do something unforgiveable,
I'm leaving the classroom.
No more school!
In 8th or 9th grade I felt like
I didn't belong in school.
"She's free..."
I started refusing to do things,
I felt I was being phony.
I didn't want to go to synagogue on
Shabbat and that drove my mom crazy.
I stated it as a fact,
"I'm not going to synagogue."
"Stop waking me up
on Saturday mornings."
My mom was very hurt.
She'd sit me down and say:
What's going on?
You're not the Dasi I used to know.
I didn't know what to say.
I wanted to be like my
open-minded friends
who have Instagram accounts
and wear jeans.
I joined Instagram
but I didn't let boys see
because it's immodest
and I didn't want them hitting on me.
I called my account
Hadas and Dreams
because I wanted a classic
Instagram name
and I thought Hadas was
a cool name, but it isn't.
I hate that name.
When you're always moving
and you're embarrassed
to talk to people
Instagram is a big help.
I don't know how other people
make friends,
I don't know why I'm not able to,
do they just walk down the street
and find friends?
I don't know how they do it
and I'm shy, too.
Everyone I know,
I know from Instagram.
Thank you, Instagram.
I didn't always appreciate it.
Shiffie.
Spin around.
C'mon.
Shiffie.
Nice. Hold on.
Don't smile.
Gorgeous.
Gorgeous.
Wait, wait, wait.
We're going to do a story now.
Whoa, what a roof.
Perfect.
Check it out.
-I'll post it on my story, too.
I met her on Instagram,
like pretty much everyone I shoot.
Instagram was my first venue.
I felt like I belong.
Suddenly people recognize me
because I'm an artist.
I wasn't like my girlfriends
who took wedding selfies.
I'd always post a photo
and write a caption.
Sometimes I think it's not fair,
what I do to my emotions.
I turn them into something beautiful.
People say, "Wow, she writes
so beautifully."
There's a huge difference
between posting a picture
that projects sadness
and just having a conversation
with someone and saying...
If he asks how I feel
I'll say "shitty."
It's something I want to express.
I feel less empty
when I create art.
I don't know
what fills the vacuum,
if it's people complimenting me
or just feeling I've created something.
Sometimes I feel like
"I need some 'likes' now."
It'll stroke my ego,
remind me I'm a poet
and a photographer.
It bothers me that I think that way.
Hey, excuse me, can you help me?
I want to be secular.
Not in a good way,
in a bad way,
I'm dying to be secular.
I want to walk down the street
and shout: No!
No skirt, no Shabbat,
not like you, not like me,
not kosher, no more,
no keeping, no doing,
not being inferior, no, no, no, no,
just to run away.
The thought that every time
I tell my mother I'm secular
or I don't keep the Commandments,
it hurts her
in the deepest ways,
I can't bear that thought.
It means knowing that...
by being yourself
you hurt the person dearest to you.
Because she considers my way
unacceptable,
bad for you.
I don't know if I can reach...
common ground,
a place where both sides are happy.
Because it's...
too deep.
Segev.
Good morning, honey.
-Good morning.
Get up.
-What for?
Get up, you have school.
"Why..." Want some coffee?
Boiling.
-Okay.
C'mon, get up.
I don't feel like doing anything.
-Segev.
Get up.
A lot of people say
it's only half house arrest.
It's true, I'm not stuck at home
all the time,
but the time I'm serving
under house arrest
is much less than I'd serve in jail.
People who see me on Instagram
will definitely call me a thug.
Here we go, first tattoo.
I probably can't hold a conversation,
I like to fight.
But the Naor on Instagram
is different from the real Naor.
Just a minute, Mom.
What?
-I need the ointment.
Okay, first take your pills.
My mom joined Instagram
to follow my sister.
She doesn't know how to
follow other people,
and that's to my advantage.
She can see my pictures,
I have an open account,
she just doesn't know
how to do it,
she can't type "Naor."
It's okay, it isn't peeling any more.
Hold on.
You can't do that with one hand.
Bye.
Are you leaving, Segev?
Did I forget something?
What did I forget?
-Look at the list.
Jacket, pills, food, watch,
phone - no,
I don't need a hat... Oh, my bag.
Segev.
Don't do that now. Eat.
Segev, do that on the train.
Segev, eat it on the train.
Fine.
Bye, honey.
-Bye, Mom.
Have a good day, sweetie.
-Have a nice day.
Did I unbuckle the seatbelt? Yeah.
Do you have everything?
-What?
Phone, gloves, bag...
-Yeah.
Most people aren't born violent.
In my case...
I was born very violent.
I realize where this world
is taking me.
If I keep it up, I'll go from fistfights
to gunfights.
Be a man.
Thug mode.
Nicole!
These are the people
I hang out with!
Don't film me!
This is the No. 1 thug in Israel.
You...
I wasn't born into a crime family
or a criminal neighborhood,
but still I had an extremely
violent personality
because I was misunderstood
because I'm much more ADHD
than average.
When I was misunderstood
I'd lash out,
they wouldn't understand why I was so
violent and I'd be even more violent.
I was lonely a lot of the time.
Nobody wants to be friends with
a kid who beats everyone up.
I was ostracized in my regular school,
until 8th grade.
I transferred to a more violent school.
My posse.
I used to be unpopular
and here I'm popular.
"Oh, he's violent?
I want to be his friend."
Everyone wanted to be my friend.
My man. Heart of gold.
I became one of them,
I became a thug by nature.
Here, this is my school.
Everyone here has been through
lots of schools.
This is the last stop.
The school doesn't offer matriculation.
What does the building remind you of?
I'll kick your ass.
I'm about to lose control.
Chicken coop. Be quiet.
Amnon, awesome class.
There should be more like it.
Segev, will you put your phone away?
Thug mode!
Thug mode!
My crime made me famous.
"Segev Levi is..."
I was always afraid.
I wanted a new start.
Not to be Segev Levi.
The idea was to change my name.
I wouldn't call myself
Yogev Levi or Yohanan,
and Naor is Middle-Eastern.
I identify with my Yemenite roots.
People think my Instagram profile
is thug-gy, and I understand that,
but Instagram is a pose.
When I post a photo
it's all very, very staged.
Lighting, put the backgammon set here,
the chair here,
everything is very calculated.
I do like having
a "street" image,
it makes things interesting.
I don't want to seem square.
I like the street look.
It's kind of sexy,
it attracts the girls.
"When I fight I..."
Moshiko, give her a light.
Okay.
Kids who won't keep their distance
People looking for trouble
I'm about to lose it
Everyone living the same fantasy
They can't stand having structure
People who've never opened a notebook
Flip between the walls as
if there's no window...
I've never really been in love.
I convert most of my feelings
into anger
because that's very easy for me.
So I never cry or moan,
I just get mad.
Traumas make me cry...
When I cheated on my girlfriend
that was going too far
because it's just not like me,
I'm so not the cheating type.
But because of my house arrest
I had no stimulation
and she was in boarding school
so we didn't see each other
and I found a chance for a cheap thrill,
I wasn't looking for a relationship,
just stimulation.
I wanted to fight, to drink...
I found a cheap thrill
and went right for it.
I cried a lot.
And I didn't have anyone
so I hurt myself.
It's like asking a blind man
what his favorite color is...
It all began one day
when I was sad
and my mother gave me
a dragon collection.
She said:
"So you'll remember
you're never alone."
I always knew I was an alien
but I never knew how much.
Tell us about yourself, Gal Zoor.
I don't want to wake up.
I'm so fucking tired.
Recently I started taking Cipralex
and my sleep habits are...
so extreme it feels wrong
because I've had insomnia for 8 years
and now I sleep at least
15 hours a day.
I'm unconscious, I can't function.
I can barely open my eyes.
I've dealt with this problem
all my life,
but as a little girl it was okay
to be a dreamy fairy.
My parents fostered the fantasy,
they raised us that way.
I was in a Waldorf school
so it was okay to be a dreamy fairy.
My parents really wanted me
to go to a Waldorf school
so my parents basically founded
the Rimon Anthroposophical School
in Binyamina.
The anthroposophical world
is a real bubble.
We weren't allowed to wear
our hair loose,
we weren't allowed to use
nail polish or makeup.
We weren't allowed to use WhatsApp,
Facebook or Instagram.
There were no mirrors in the bathrooms
so we wouldn't think about our looks,
we weren't allowed to wear brand names,
food - there's still a rule
that you can only bring a Nutella
sandwich on the full moon,
and no more than three friends can meet
to prevent cliques.
Everyone has to toe the line
so nobody stands out,
so nobody's better than the others,
nobody's richer than the others,
nobody's better looking than the others
and nobody feels discriminated against.
It was totally unreal.
I was frustrated.
I haven't had a good friend in years.
At the Waldorf school
I had two friends,
we were friends with me
since we were three,
and they don't stand up for me, either.
They were so critical
and judgmental
it was horrible.
They really hurt me.
And I always felt, like,
okay, I can't read music
and I'm no good at math or English,
I can't draw as well as you,
and it made me feel really inferior,
which is the opposite
of the anthroposophical approach,
but I was so insecure
I thought I was worthless.
At first I'd eat
in the bathroom by myself.
I felt alone in the world.
Every day was the worst
emotional shakeup.
I couldn't live.
I'm so fucking lonely...
What am I supposed to do?
I felt awful because
nobody cared about me.
It was one of the roughest
periods of my life
and then I decided
to get a grip
and look for answers,
to stop crying alone in my room
because that's no way to live.
On my 16th birthday at midnight
I wrote "Going Down to Mecca."
Can we record now?
-Are you ready?
Yes, let's give it a try.
I improvised on the spot.
It was like...
I'll express myself,
whoever wants to hear it can listen,
and whoever doesn't, doesn't have to.
I recorded it and posted it on YouTube
and saw that it accumulated views.
Son of a bitch, gimme the goods
I scheduled a war
I go, I blow
Whoever wants it, gets it...
My parents listened to it,
they loved it.
My dad would play it
at family meals.
They'd say: "It's so you."
They made me feel proud of myself.
My dad said:
"I'll put 30.000 down on your career,
do whatever you want,"
and it took off from there,
I couldn't hold back,
I said: I have to release another song.
I don't go out with soldiers
I don't need uniforms
I and the Army of God
Only step where there are landmines
I don't go out with soldiers
I don't need uniforms
I and the Army of God
Only step where there are landmines
In trap rap you say the deepest things
between the lines.
It's how my generation
expresses our feelings.
He yells at me: How much longer?
I wonder if it's worth it
Maybe we should just decide
what we're talking about
My name is Gal Zoor
So much trouble,
so much hatred,
I didn't know what I'd done.
"Stinking leftist,"
"Burn in hell," but...
it isn't leftist at all,
I wrote it about a girlfriend
who told me...
she has a boyfriend who's a soldier
and she can't stand it.
I asked why and she said:
Because they don't come home
and they're broke and they could die,
and I wrote a song about it.
Real dragons...
Then when I came to school
on Sunday
my life turned upside-down.
Soldiers, soldiers,
I don't go out with soldiers
I don't go out with soldiers,
I don't need uniforms
Nobody in Binyamina
knew who I was
and now everyone knows me and
they love my song and sing it
and it's the school anthem,
they play it at every party.
My master is in the IDF...
Groups from Eilat and Tiberias...
it's totally bizarre.
I don't go out with soldiers either.
I want to call up the Dragon Queen.
I don't go out with soldiers,
I don't need uniforms
I'm in God's army...
The Dragon Queen burns bridges...
"The Dragon Queen" is a fantasy about
how I have a boyfriend who's a dragon.
Of course I don't,
it's just a fantasy.
Instagram has a huge influence
on where I'm at today,
I'm addicted to Instagram.
I have this obsession
about standing out,
I need all the attention
or I go nuts.
I have a hard time in Tel Aviv
because I'm a nobody there
and here I'm like, wow.
Unfortunately, a lot of my social life
is there.
My confidence depends on it,
part of me is dependent
on Instagram.
Dependent on people
I don't even know
telling me: "Wow, you're pretty,
you make good music."
10.000 views in a day
makes me feel good.
And ever since,
I've felt much better,
I don't have an anxiety attack
twice a day.
My mind is such a mess,
I don't know where I'm going,
here's something that'll save you,
what'll save you? Nothing. Oh, fuck.
You're alone in the world, imagine that.
I was never like everyone else.
I don't know what it's like
to be like everyone else.
I'm kind of a weirdo.
Working at night
is a very bad idea for me.
I really don't know why I did it.
What doesn't your mother
know about you?
My mother doesn't know I went crazy
from Ecstasy three years ago.
Gimme a puff.
-What's attractive about me?
I don't know.
I have a nice face.
I like the way I look.
I'm not trying to look like a girl,
I'm trying to look like...
myself.
Being a transgender is
the hardest thing in the world.
I don't feel like a girl, I'm a boy.
My favorite thing is to
combine the two
and to be super-boyish
and super-girlish, too,
I'm really good at it
and I've done it all my life.
I'm not too hung up on gender,
I look like a boy, not a girl,
but I love to pit the two
against each other.
I can't see myself changing soon.
How perverted.
Whoa!
I like the transformation.
I love it.
I feel I have something new to offer,
and that's what turns me on the most.
People think:
He's so embarrassing.
Some things I post
are very hard to look at
because I don't mind making people
feel uncomfortable.
I want it to wake people up,
to wake them up, like this.
It's my favorite weapon,
I can be honest and let it all out.
I want to know
how I felt two years ago,
I know how I felt two years ago
because I posted it,
and I'm glad it's virtual
and everyone sees it.
Especially since I'm not
afraid of anything,
I'm not ashamed of anything.
I've always interacted with people
through the internet.
I joined Instagram back in 7th grade.
I've had this shit for 7 years.
I'm really sad here.
We had a class with a substitute teacher
who said: Draw your Heaven
and your Hell
and then he picked up
my picture and said:
"Friends, we have a gay boy in the class."
I giggled, like,
"What do you mean?"
I didn't realize how significant
it was for my teacher to point me out
in front of 30 kids,
I get beat up every day and he says:
"We have a gay boy in the class,"
this adult is giving his approval.
As long as a Jewish heart beats...
I spent 6 years in elementary school
as the whipping boy,
with my head in the toilet
and my shirt hung up on nails
and getting pantsed in class,
that was 6 years of my life.
Because I was a gay boy.
They'd wait outside my house,
ring the intercom
and say: "Amitai the faggot."
I was afraid to go to school.
I was terrified to go to school.
I hate this school
because every morning I wake up
horribly worried.
Then when I transferred to P.S. 1
there were all types of kids
and you could feel good about who you are
and nobody was out to get you.
There are 12th-graders
who are totally gay,
10th-graders who are totally gay,
women who are total lesbians
and transgenders in your own school.
People dress as they please,
do as they please,
there are so many people.
And my life suddenly changed.
When night falls I feel totally alive
and everything I held back all day
can come out at night.
I discovered the nightlife
and drugs when I was 14 or 15
and my whole life changed.
A 16-year-old reaches the highest level
of stimulation he'll ever reach
with a very hard drug...
And you lose it
because nothing moves you any more.
Everything goes right past me,
I'm not alive any more,
I don't have a life.
Nothing turns me on,
nothing moves me.
The only thing that gets me off
is drugs, and...
alcohol makes me feel good.
When I'm in a shitty mood and I post a picture
and get lots of 'likes'
I feel really good.
Really, really, really, good,
for five minutes, then I forget it.
I don't care.
It used to be much simpler.
Now it's like...
punching the air and saying:
"I still exist, I still exist,
remember that I exist.
"I'm still beautiful..."
Things like that.
Maybe because everyone does it,
not like before.
I think I'm lonely.
For the past year
I've felt lonely all the time.
Good morning.
And this is me.
My National Service room,
I don't have my own room.
This is my roommate,
she's neat,
and this is my mind
as it's reflected on the outside.
Ritalin.
This is a painting I'm working on.
This is the living room which is a big mess
because it's a National Service apartment.
Who's on cleanup duty today?
This place is disgusting!
I don't want to touch the floor.
This is my favorite cup.
Nobody told me she broke it.
It's hard to have privacy in an apartment
with eight girls.
And we fight a lot,
you're walking on eggshells.
Girls are...
dramatic. I don't really
speak the language.
I'll argue about stuff in the fridge.
Shani decided to put her name
on all her stuff.
I was never really into
enlisting in the IDF.
I knew I wouldn't get along,
that it would be an oppressive environment
that wouldn't give me
space to grow
the way I want to.
It's just...
a hothouse for psychological problems.
I don't think I should be there.
Society sees people
who do army service as better,
deserving of more rights,
more of a benefit to the country,
but the fact is, people who enlist
can spend three years
serving coffee,
and I feed the homeless,
kids whose lives are ruined.
That's a lot more fulfilling
than anything I could do in the IDF.
Hey.
I work in a shelter
for LGBT youth
called the Pink Roof.
Mostly Arabs and Haredis
(ultra-Orthodox Jews)
get kicked out of their homes
for their sexual tendencies
and they come to us.
Good morning.
I see people with serious problems
every day,
their families don't accept them
and they're nearly dead
because of health issues,
I even dealt with a suicide attempt.
It's sad that this happens,
but yes, it happens.
I've always been supportive
of the LGBT community,
gender or sexual tendency
doesn't concern me too much.
People are people.
Hi, this is Dana.
And the fact that Dana is bi.
My parents
aren't homophobic at all.
If I brought a girl home
they'd ask questions
but they'd be okay with it.
I feel like a nocturnal animal,
very powerful,
like I'm the dangerous one.
If someone tries to attack me
I can knock him out with a punch,
that's my attitude.
When I walk down the street,
catcalling
is something that can definitely happen.
A few days ago I was
walking down the street
and someone went, "whassup?"
People look at me and say "damn."
I'm happy with the way I look.
I still play with it,
my freckles are drawn on with henna.
I go a lot further than I did
in high school.
In high school I didn't want to stand out.
Now I feel like
I do want to,
to stand out.
Now I let myself go.
I feel like I need it now
because I couldn't before.
Someone from Tinder,
never mind, never mind.
Do you know what time
tomorrow's meeting is?
8:30.
-8:30.
So it'll be over by...
9:30?
-Noa, are you going to have sex?
I'm available after...
9:30.
Sex is a big problem
because you don't want to do it
with other people at home.
There are eight of us,
it's complicated.
You won't bring home a guy you just met
or are having a casual thing with.
I don't want to kick people out
so I can bring guys home.
And he isn't a steady boyfriend.
"Looking for a girl to talk to,
not for sex or dating."
Sure, you just want to talk.
I see that message all the time.
I like guys my own age
because it doesn't feel like
they're talking down to me
and I want to feel equal
in every way.
Whoa, how cute.
He wrote: "One-night stand, huh?
"I hope we can create a lifetime
of Renaissance paintings in that night."
Okay, thanks. Match.
Nice.
I slept with him last night
and it was fun...
At my age I want to
take the world by storm.
I'm through with Tinder
but I don't want a relationship.
I don't want a relationship...
I want to feel alive.
I don't want to feel tied down.
Why do 16-year-olds
have to be sexually experienced?
What if I'm not?
Nothing is more depressing
than loneliness.
I don't want a relationship.
I planned to have a fling
and that's what I'm doing.
Strip.
I have a girlfriend now.
I saw her Story,
I saw that she's mature,
very pretty,
and I made a move.
They have another six months
to file charges.
Fuck!
I know from Instagram.
Instagram is just a pose.
People who see me on Instagram
will definitely call me a thug.
Instagram has a huge influence
on where I'm at today.
I'm dependent on it.
I want to feel alive,
I don't want anyone holding me back.
When I'm in a shitty mood
and I post a photo and get tons of "likes"
I feel really good.
Although Instagram can be deceptive
it's often just people's way...
Like, "here, this is me."
Take it or leave it.
I figured, I have something to say
that I want people to hear,
so I joined Instagram.
Goodbye, home,
goodbye, Apt. 9,
Quiet Street in the boonies,
three bedrooms,
master and hide-and-seek bedroom,
occupied bathroom,
goodbye, Friday afternoon
line for the shower,
goodbye, bunkbed,
dreams put away for now
in crumpled pages under the mattress,
goodbye, minor sins
committed secretly,
goodbye, month of Heshvan,
not October.
Goodbye, hide-and-seek,
best game in the world.
That's it, last shot with my hair.
Getting a haircut.
Goodbye, games of tag that I never win,
no more Mother-May-I,
goodbye, yard which was everything
but tended,
with mud that turned into pies,
and we'd wallow in the dirt
until Mom yelled:
"Dinnertime, kids,"
and every house has echoes
of screams and laughter,
the steam of pasta and vegetable soup,
and what's so bad about
eating pasta four times a week?
Goodbye, fistfights.
Goodbye, time to move on.
It's a totally new start for me.
I didn't look at a map of Israel
and say, "Hey, I'll live in Jerusalem."
I didn't choose the city,
but throughout my childhood,
when I started to wise up,
I knew I'd leave Kiryat Shmuel
as soon as I could
because I hate that place,
the people there are so... normal.
I got this sign off the street.
These are my poems that I printed.
These are candlesticks from home.
I love lighting candles.
We didn't have a TV at home,
or internet.
My mom didn't want them in the house.
Books were the only interesting
things I had. I was obsessed.
My sister had a cell phone
that I inherited.
It was a secret,
I hid it in my bag,
under my blanket, at night.
I'd watch "Survivor."
I want to be a settler...
I decided to do something unforgiveable,
I'm leaving the classroom.
No more school!
In 8th or 9th grade I felt like
I didn't belong in school.
"She's free..."
I started refusing to do things,
I felt I was being phony.
I didn't want to go to synagogue on
Shabbat and that drove my mom crazy.
I stated it as a fact,
"I'm not going to synagogue."
"Stop waking me up
on Saturday mornings."
My mom was very hurt.
She'd sit me down and say:
What's going on?
You're not the Dasi I used to know.
I didn't know what to say.
I wanted to be like my
open-minded friends
who have Instagram accounts
and wear jeans.
I joined Instagram
but I didn't let boys see
because it's immodest
and I didn't want them hitting on me.
I called my account
Hadas and Dreams
because I wanted a classic
Instagram name
and I thought Hadas was
a cool name, but it isn't.
I hate that name.
When you're always moving
and you're embarrassed
to talk to people
Instagram is a big help.
I don't know how other people
make friends,
I don't know why I'm not able to,
do they just walk down the street
and find friends?
I don't know how they do it
and I'm shy, too.
Everyone I know,
I know from Instagram.
Thank you, Instagram.
I didn't always appreciate it.
Shiffie.
Spin around.
C'mon.
Shiffie.
Nice. Hold on.
Don't smile.
Gorgeous.
Gorgeous.
Wait, wait, wait.
We're going to do a story now.
Whoa, what a roof.
Perfect.
Check it out.
-I'll post it on my story, too.
I met her on Instagram,
like pretty much everyone I shoot.
Instagram was my first venue.
I felt like I belong.
Suddenly people recognize me
because I'm an artist.
I wasn't like my girlfriends
who took wedding selfies.
I'd always post a photo
and write a caption.
Sometimes I think it's not fair,
what I do to my emotions.
I turn them into something beautiful.
People say, "Wow, she writes
so beautifully."
There's a huge difference
between posting a picture
that projects sadness
and just having a conversation
with someone and saying...
If he asks how I feel
I'll say "shitty."
It's something I want to express.
I feel less empty
when I create art.
I don't know
what fills the vacuum,
if it's people complimenting me
or just feeling I've created something.
Sometimes I feel like
"I need some 'likes' now."
It'll stroke my ego,
remind me I'm a poet
and a photographer.
It bothers me that I think that way.
Hey, excuse me, can you help me?
I want to be secular.
Not in a good way,
in a bad way,
I'm dying to be secular.
I want to walk down the street
and shout: No!
No skirt, no Shabbat,
not like you, not like me,
not kosher, no more,
no keeping, no doing,
not being inferior, no, no, no, no,
just to run away.
The thought that every time
I tell my mother I'm secular
or I don't keep the Commandments,
it hurts her
in the deepest ways,
I can't bear that thought.
It means knowing that...
by being yourself
you hurt the person dearest to you.
Because she considers my way
unacceptable,
bad for you.
I don't know if I can reach...
common ground,
a place where both sides are happy.
Because it's...
too deep.
Segev.
Good morning, honey.
-Good morning.
Get up.
-What for?
Get up, you have school.
"Why..." Want some coffee?
Boiling.
-Okay.
C'mon, get up.
I don't feel like doing anything.
-Segev.
Get up.
A lot of people say
it's only half house arrest.
It's true, I'm not stuck at home
all the time,
but the time I'm serving
under house arrest
is much less than I'd serve in jail.
People who see me on Instagram
will definitely call me a thug.
Here we go, first tattoo.
I probably can't hold a conversation,
I like to fight.
But the Naor on Instagram
is different from the real Naor.
Just a minute, Mom.
What?
-I need the ointment.
Okay, first take your pills.
My mom joined Instagram
to follow my sister.
She doesn't know how to
follow other people,
and that's to my advantage.
She can see my pictures,
I have an open account,
she just doesn't know
how to do it,
she can't type "Naor."
It's okay, it isn't peeling any more.
Hold on.
You can't do that with one hand.
Bye.
Are you leaving, Segev?
Did I forget something?
What did I forget?
-Look at the list.
Jacket, pills, food, watch,
phone - no,
I don't need a hat... Oh, my bag.
Segev.
Don't do that now. Eat.
Segev, do that on the train.
Segev, eat it on the train.
Fine.
Bye, honey.
-Bye, Mom.
Have a good day, sweetie.
-Have a nice day.
Did I unbuckle the seatbelt? Yeah.
Do you have everything?
-What?
Phone, gloves, bag...
-Yeah.
Most people aren't born violent.
In my case...
I was born very violent.
I realize where this world
is taking me.
If I keep it up, I'll go from fistfights
to gunfights.
Be a man.
Thug mode.
Nicole!
These are the people
I hang out with!
Don't film me!
This is the No. 1 thug in Israel.
You...
I wasn't born into a crime family
or a criminal neighborhood,
but still I had an extremely
violent personality
because I was misunderstood
because I'm much more ADHD
than average.
When I was misunderstood
I'd lash out,
they wouldn't understand why I was so
violent and I'd be even more violent.
I was lonely a lot of the time.
Nobody wants to be friends with
a kid who beats everyone up.
I was ostracized in my regular school,
until 8th grade.
I transferred to a more violent school.
My posse.
I used to be unpopular
and here I'm popular.
"Oh, he's violent?
I want to be his friend."
Everyone wanted to be my friend.
My man. Heart of gold.
I became one of them,
I became a thug by nature.
Here, this is my school.
Everyone here has been through
lots of schools.
This is the last stop.
The school doesn't offer matriculation.
What does the building remind you of?
I'll kick your ass.
I'm about to lose control.
Chicken coop. Be quiet.
Amnon, awesome class.
There should be more like it.
Segev, will you put your phone away?
Thug mode!
Thug mode!
My crime made me famous.
"Segev Levi is..."
I was always afraid.
I wanted a new start.
Not to be Segev Levi.
The idea was to change my name.
I wouldn't call myself
Yogev Levi or Yohanan,
and Naor is Middle-Eastern.
I identify with my Yemenite roots.
People think my Instagram profile
is thug-gy, and I understand that,
but Instagram is a pose.
When I post a photo
it's all very, very staged.
Lighting, put the backgammon set here,
the chair here,
everything is very calculated.
I do like having
a "street" image,
it makes things interesting.
I don't want to seem square.
I like the street look.
It's kind of sexy,
it attracts the girls.
"When I fight I..."
Moshiko, give her a light.
Okay.
Kids who won't keep their distance
People looking for trouble
I'm about to lose it
Everyone living the same fantasy
They can't stand having structure
People who've never opened a notebook
Flip between the walls as
if there's no window...
I've never really been in love.
I convert most of my feelings
into anger
because that's very easy for me.
So I never cry or moan,
I just get mad.
Traumas make me cry...
When I cheated on my girlfriend
that was going too far
because it's just not like me,
I'm so not the cheating type.
But because of my house arrest
I had no stimulation
and she was in boarding school
so we didn't see each other
and I found a chance for a cheap thrill,
I wasn't looking for a relationship,
just stimulation.
I wanted to fight, to drink...
I found a cheap thrill
and went right for it.
I cried a lot.
And I didn't have anyone
so I hurt myself.
It's like asking a blind man
what his favorite color is...
It all began one day
when I was sad
and my mother gave me
a dragon collection.
She said:
"So you'll remember
you're never alone."
I always knew I was an alien
but I never knew how much.
Tell us about yourself, Gal Zoor.
I don't want to wake up.
I'm so fucking tired.
Recently I started taking Cipralex
and my sleep habits are...
so extreme it feels wrong
because I've had insomnia for 8 years
and now I sleep at least
15 hours a day.
I'm unconscious, I can't function.
I can barely open my eyes.
I've dealt with this problem
all my life,
but as a little girl it was okay
to be a dreamy fairy.
My parents fostered the fantasy,
they raised us that way.
I was in a Waldorf school
so it was okay to be a dreamy fairy.
My parents really wanted me
to go to a Waldorf school
so my parents basically founded
the Rimon Anthroposophical School
in Binyamina.
The anthroposophical world
is a real bubble.
We weren't allowed to wear
our hair loose,
we weren't allowed to use
nail polish or makeup.
We weren't allowed to use WhatsApp,
Facebook or Instagram.
There were no mirrors in the bathrooms
so we wouldn't think about our looks,
we weren't allowed to wear brand names,
food - there's still a rule
that you can only bring a Nutella
sandwich on the full moon,
and no more than three friends can meet
to prevent cliques.
Everyone has to toe the line
so nobody stands out,
so nobody's better than the others,
nobody's richer than the others,
nobody's better looking than the others
and nobody feels discriminated against.
It was totally unreal.
I was frustrated.
I haven't had a good friend in years.
At the Waldorf school
I had two friends,
we were friends with me
since we were three,
and they don't stand up for me, either.
They were so critical
and judgmental
it was horrible.
They really hurt me.
And I always felt, like,
okay, I can't read music
and I'm no good at math or English,
I can't draw as well as you,
and it made me feel really inferior,
which is the opposite
of the anthroposophical approach,
but I was so insecure
I thought I was worthless.
At first I'd eat
in the bathroom by myself.
I felt alone in the world.
Every day was the worst
emotional shakeup.
I couldn't live.
I'm so fucking lonely...
What am I supposed to do?
I felt awful because
nobody cared about me.
It was one of the roughest
periods of my life
and then I decided
to get a grip
and look for answers,
to stop crying alone in my room
because that's no way to live.
On my 16th birthday at midnight
I wrote "Going Down to Mecca."
Can we record now?
-Are you ready?
Yes, let's give it a try.
I improvised on the spot.
It was like...
I'll express myself,
whoever wants to hear it can listen,
and whoever doesn't, doesn't have to.
I recorded it and posted it on YouTube
and saw that it accumulated views.
Son of a bitch, gimme the goods
I scheduled a war
I go, I blow
Whoever wants it, gets it...
My parents listened to it,
they loved it.
My dad would play it
at family meals.
They'd say: "It's so you."
They made me feel proud of myself.
My dad said:
"I'll put 30.000 down on your career,
do whatever you want,"
and it took off from there,
I couldn't hold back,
I said: I have to release another song.
I don't go out with soldiers
I don't need uniforms
I and the Army of God
Only step where there are landmines
I don't go out with soldiers
I don't need uniforms
I and the Army of God
Only step where there are landmines
In trap rap you say the deepest things
between the lines.
It's how my generation
expresses our feelings.
He yells at me: How much longer?
I wonder if it's worth it
Maybe we should just decide
what we're talking about
My name is Gal Zoor
So much trouble,
so much hatred,
I didn't know what I'd done.
"Stinking leftist,"
"Burn in hell," but...
it isn't leftist at all,
I wrote it about a girlfriend
who told me...
she has a boyfriend who's a soldier
and she can't stand it.
I asked why and she said:
Because they don't come home
and they're broke and they could die,
and I wrote a song about it.
Real dragons...
Then when I came to school
on Sunday
my life turned upside-down.
Soldiers, soldiers,
I don't go out with soldiers
I don't go out with soldiers,
I don't need uniforms
Nobody in Binyamina
knew who I was
and now everyone knows me and
they love my song and sing it
and it's the school anthem,
they play it at every party.
My master is in the IDF...
Groups from Eilat and Tiberias...
it's totally bizarre.
I don't go out with soldiers either.
I want to call up the Dragon Queen.
I don't go out with soldiers,
I don't need uniforms
I'm in God's army...
The Dragon Queen burns bridges...
"The Dragon Queen" is a fantasy about
how I have a boyfriend who's a dragon.
Of course I don't,
it's just a fantasy.
Instagram has a huge influence
on where I'm at today,
I'm addicted to Instagram.
I have this obsession
about standing out,
I need all the attention
or I go nuts.
I have a hard time in Tel Aviv
because I'm a nobody there
and here I'm like, wow.
Unfortunately, a lot of my social life
is there.
My confidence depends on it,
part of me is dependent
on Instagram.
Dependent on people
I don't even know
telling me: "Wow, you're pretty,
you make good music."
10.000 views in a day
makes me feel good.
And ever since,
I've felt much better,
I don't have an anxiety attack
twice a day.
My mind is such a mess,
I don't know where I'm going,
here's something that'll save you,
what'll save you? Nothing. Oh, fuck.
You're alone in the world, imagine that.
I was never like everyone else.
I don't know what it's like
to be like everyone else.
I'm kind of a weirdo.
Working at night
is a very bad idea for me.
I really don't know why I did it.
What doesn't your mother
know about you?
My mother doesn't know I went crazy
from Ecstasy three years ago.
Gimme a puff.
-What's attractive about me?
I don't know.
I have a nice face.
I like the way I look.
I'm not trying to look like a girl,
I'm trying to look like...
myself.
Being a transgender is
the hardest thing in the world.
I don't feel like a girl, I'm a boy.
My favorite thing is to
combine the two
and to be super-boyish
and super-girlish, too,
I'm really good at it
and I've done it all my life.
I'm not too hung up on gender,
I look like a boy, not a girl,
but I love to pit the two
against each other.
I can't see myself changing soon.
How perverted.
Whoa!
I like the transformation.
I love it.
I feel I have something new to offer,
and that's what turns me on the most.
People think:
He's so embarrassing.
Some things I post
are very hard to look at
because I don't mind making people
feel uncomfortable.
I want it to wake people up,
to wake them up, like this.
It's my favorite weapon,
I can be honest and let it all out.
I want to know
how I felt two years ago,
I know how I felt two years ago
because I posted it,
and I'm glad it's virtual
and everyone sees it.
Especially since I'm not
afraid of anything,
I'm not ashamed of anything.
I've always interacted with people
through the internet.
I joined Instagram back in 7th grade.
I've had this shit for 7 years.
I'm really sad here.
We had a class with a substitute teacher
who said: Draw your Heaven
and your Hell
and then he picked up
my picture and said:
"Friends, we have a gay boy in the class."
I giggled, like,
"What do you mean?"
I didn't realize how significant
it was for my teacher to point me out
in front of 30 kids,
I get beat up every day and he says:
"We have a gay boy in the class,"
this adult is giving his approval.
As long as a Jewish heart beats...
I spent 6 years in elementary school
as the whipping boy,
with my head in the toilet
and my shirt hung up on nails
and getting pantsed in class,
that was 6 years of my life.
Because I was a gay boy.
They'd wait outside my house,
ring the intercom
and say: "Amitai the faggot."
I was afraid to go to school.
I was terrified to go to school.
I hate this school
because every morning I wake up
horribly worried.
Then when I transferred to P.S. 1
there were all types of kids
and you could feel good about who you are
and nobody was out to get you.
There are 12th-graders
who are totally gay,
10th-graders who are totally gay,
women who are total lesbians
and transgenders in your own school.
People dress as they please,
do as they please,
there are so many people.
And my life suddenly changed.
When night falls I feel totally alive
and everything I held back all day
can come out at night.
I discovered the nightlife
and drugs when I was 14 or 15
and my whole life changed.
A 16-year-old reaches the highest level
of stimulation he'll ever reach
with a very hard drug...
And you lose it
because nothing moves you any more.
Everything goes right past me,
I'm not alive any more,
I don't have a life.
Nothing turns me on,
nothing moves me.
The only thing that gets me off
is drugs, and...
alcohol makes me feel good.
When I'm in a shitty mood and I post a picture
and get lots of 'likes'
I feel really good.
Really, really, really, good,
for five minutes, then I forget it.
I don't care.
It used to be much simpler.
Now it's like...
punching the air and saying:
"I still exist, I still exist,
remember that I exist.
"I'm still beautiful..."
Things like that.
Maybe because everyone does it,
not like before.
I think I'm lonely.
For the past year
I've felt lonely all the time.
Good morning.
And this is me.
My National Service room,
I don't have my own room.
This is my roommate,
she's neat,
and this is my mind
as it's reflected on the outside.
Ritalin.
This is a painting I'm working on.
This is the living room which is a big mess
because it's a National Service apartment.
Who's on cleanup duty today?
This place is disgusting!
I don't want to touch the floor.
This is my favorite cup.
Nobody told me she broke it.
It's hard to have privacy in an apartment
with eight girls.
And we fight a lot,
you're walking on eggshells.
Girls are...
dramatic. I don't really
speak the language.
I'll argue about stuff in the fridge.
Shani decided to put her name
on all her stuff.
I was never really into
enlisting in the IDF.
I knew I wouldn't get along,
that it would be an oppressive environment
that wouldn't give me
space to grow
the way I want to.
It's just...
a hothouse for psychological problems.
I don't think I should be there.
Society sees people
who do army service as better,
deserving of more rights,
more of a benefit to the country,
but the fact is, people who enlist
can spend three years
serving coffee,
and I feed the homeless,
kids whose lives are ruined.
That's a lot more fulfilling
than anything I could do in the IDF.
Hey.
I work in a shelter
for LGBT youth
called the Pink Roof.
Mostly Arabs and Haredis
(ultra-Orthodox Jews)
get kicked out of their homes
for their sexual tendencies
and they come to us.
Good morning.
I see people with serious problems
every day,
their families don't accept them
and they're nearly dead
because of health issues,
I even dealt with a suicide attempt.
It's sad that this happens,
but yes, it happens.
I've always been supportive
of the LGBT community,
gender or sexual tendency
doesn't concern me too much.
People are people.
Hi, this is Dana.
And the fact that Dana is bi.
My parents
aren't homophobic at all.
If I brought a girl home
they'd ask questions
but they'd be okay with it.
I feel like a nocturnal animal,
very powerful,
like I'm the dangerous one.
If someone tries to attack me
I can knock him out with a punch,
that's my attitude.
When I walk down the street,
catcalling
is something that can definitely happen.
A few days ago I was
walking down the street
and someone went, "whassup?"
People look at me and say "damn."
I'm happy with the way I look.
I still play with it,
my freckles are drawn on with henna.
I go a lot further than I did
in high school.
In high school I didn't want to stand out.
Now I feel like
I do want to,
to stand out.
Now I let myself go.
I feel like I need it now
because I couldn't before.
Someone from Tinder,
never mind, never mind.
Do you know what time
tomorrow's meeting is?
8:30.
-8:30.
So it'll be over by...
9:30?
-Noa, are you going to have sex?
I'm available after...
9:30.
Sex is a big problem
because you don't want to do it
with other people at home.
There are eight of us,
it's complicated.
You won't bring home a guy you just met
or are having a casual thing with.
I don't want to kick people out
so I can bring guys home.
And he isn't a steady boyfriend.
"Looking for a girl to talk to,
not for sex or dating."
Sure, you just want to talk.
I see that message all the time.
I like guys my own age
because it doesn't feel like
they're talking down to me
and I want to feel equal
in every way.
Whoa, how cute.
He wrote: "One-night stand, huh?
"I hope we can create a lifetime
of Renaissance paintings in that night."
Okay, thanks. Match.
Nice.
I slept with him last night
and it was fun...
At my age I want to
take the world by storm.
I'm through with Tinder
but I don't want a relationship.
I don't want a relationship...
I want to feel alive.
I don't want to feel tied down.
Why do 16-year-olds
have to be sexually experienced?
What if I'm not?
Nothing is more depressing
than loneliness.
I don't want a relationship.
I planned to have a fling
and that's what I'm doing.
Strip.
I have a girlfriend now.
I saw her Story,
I saw that she's mature,
very pretty,
and I made a move.
They have another six months
to file charges.
Fuck!