Stonemouth (2015): Season 1, Episode 1 - Stonemouth: Part 1 - full transcript

STEWART: Funny, when I was a kid,
I couldn't wait to grow up.

Life was gonna be so good.
So exciting.

Now I'm not so sure,.

Not since I heard my best mate
drove out to the Stoun Bridge last week

and threw himself off,.

Still, I'm getting ahead of myself.

Best to start in the midst of things.

Two years ago, to be precise.
The night I screwed everything up.

This doesn't need to happen.
- Yes it does, Stewart.

It doesn't need to happen, Ellie.

CAR HORN BEEPS



Oh Jesus, it's your brothers.
- Get down!

Shit.

You alright, sis? ls he in there?
- No, I don't know where he is.

Just open the door
and let us check the oar.

ELLIE:
He's not in here!

FRASER: If he's in there, I'm gonna
kick his head in. Now open the door!

ELLIE: I've told you he's not in here.
Please just go home.

NORRIE: Are you in there, Gilmour?
I know you're in there.

STEWART: It was light by the time
we got to the freight yard.

Ripped By mstoll

Not exactly how I imagined
leaving home.

I ended up in London,
got a job, started overt.

I hadn't been home since.

Hadn't planned on taking the risk.
To be honest,



Not after what I 'd done.

But after Cal did what he did...

I had no choice,.

MUSIC: 'House of Liars'
by Cam Penner

♪ At the scene of the crime
they're working overtime

♪ Fuel in the fire, feet on the wire

♪ What sounds like a crime
is a house of liars

♪ I'm still looking for one
good and honest person for hire

♪ So tell me who rocked the boat?

♪ Who rocked the boat, etc.

♪ Who rocked the boat?
Stand up, stand up ♪

STEWART: Callum messaged me
the day before he died.

I didn't get back to him.

CALLUM, MESSAGE: Stewart.
How are you mate? It's been a while.

I should have called and stuff. But...
I need a bed for a few weeks. Any chance?

Got myself into a spot of bother.
Big George-type bother.

Only this time I'm not so sure
I'm gonna get out of it?

And if I don't,
remember I love you, alright?

Speak soon. Remember what Machiavelli said:
"Before all else, be armed."

STEWART:
Be armed? Typical of Cal.

Leaving me with this humongous
level of guilt and self-loathing.

But before I could cross
that bridge into Stonemouth

I needed permission

and there was only one person
who could tell me for sure if I had it...

Powell Imrie.

Alright, Stu?

You know,
they say the fall doesn't kill you.

Just smashes your bones to a pulp.

In actual fact, you drown.

You well? - Fine. You?
- Yeah, yeah, not too shabby.

So what d'you want?

Am I OK to come back?

Safe to land, Stewie boy.
No harm scheduled to befall you.

Saying that,
best you're gone by Thursday.

Yeah? Once you've paid your respects.

He sent me a message, Pow.
Before he died.

I never got back to him.
I meant to.

But I was just busy and stuff,
you know.

Yeah, well, what are friends for - eh?

Said he'd got himself into some trouble?

Did he say what kind of trouble?

Nah.

Well, you know Callum,
could have been anything.

A probably.

One last thing - as you're not exactly
on Don's Christmas list?

Or his boys' for that matter,
a visit would be advisable.

The Murstons?

Soon as.

STEWART:
The Murston residence...

Quite something. Built with
one hundred percent drug money.

Allegedly.

Alright?

It was through Cal that I got to know
the rest of the family.

Mr M himself and Mrs M.

His two ever so slightly psychotic brothers
Fraser and Norrie.

His kid sister Grier
and, of course, Ellie...

DOORBELL RINGS

the love of my life.

Mr Murston will be with you shortly.

STEWART:
"A spot of bother... Big George-type bother."

Cal was talking about
the day we went paint-balling.

The day I almost died.

There was me, Ferg, and Wee Malky.

We'd been up at the golf course
looking for lost balls to sell.

It was also the first time I saw Ellie.

She was so beautiful, graceful...

I never forgot her.

I'd heard about the Murston sisters

but like mythical creatures,
we weren't sure ll' they actually existed.

They went to the Stonemouth Academy

while Cal had to rough it with his brothers
in the local comp with the rest of us.

He was effortlessly cool.
Everybody wanted to be his friend.

Even Hugo Ancraime, the closest thing
Stonemouth had to aristocracy.

It was Hugo who had
all the paintballing gear -

but with Hugo came Big George,
his older brother...

Not Mongo!
- Hey!

Who had the mental age of five.

Those were the best times.
Out in the woods together.

Big George, who wasn't allowed a gun,
never wanted to be left out

and who could blame him,.

THE BOYS LAUGH

Quick, Malky! Malky!
Come on, get up the slope!

The worst thing, the thing
that plagued my nightmares for years

was watching Wee Malky
trying desperately to save himself.

I win!

Nobody said it but we all felt
we could have done more to save him.

THE GANG:
Run! Hun!

Cal was different, he did do more.

No, George!

GEORGE SCREAMS

He risked his own life...

to save mine.

MARIA:
Mr Murston will see you now.

WORKOUT MUSIC PLAYS

DON: Alright, Stewart?
- Hello, Mr M.

DON: What, you too scared
to call me Donald now, are you?

How are you, Donald?

That's a stupid bloody question.
My son just killed himself.

I know. It's such a shook.
He just wasn't the type.

Who Callum? He was Bipolar.
Only, his mother wouldn't accept it.

What did he have
to be depressed about, eh?

Jesus, he had the looks.

Made Johnny Depp
look like Nigel Farage.

Some people just don't know they're born.

Wouldn't you agree?

Stewart?

Now that you mention it, I suppose
he did get down in the dumps quite a bit.

Yeah, if they'd listened to me,
we'd have got him some medication.

Stupid little shit.

Still, no point in playing
the blame game.

Not now.

So, what do you do these days?

Lighting. Y'know, in buildings
and stuff like that.

What... the kind of lilac shit you see in the
side of multi storeys. That kind of thing?

Aye, that type of thing.
- What? You went to art school for that?

I was... I was head-hunted.
- Oh.

Not for the first time, eh?

Listen, let's not pretend
everything is hunky dory, eh?

Not after what you did.

If it was up to me,
you wouldn't be here.

Mrs M, however, feels otherwise.
She put in a good word for you.

For what... for whatever it's worth...

...I really am sorry.

Really sorry?
- Aye.

How is Ellie?

How's Ellie?

Erm...

Ellie is none of your fuckin' business.

That's how she is.

Don't let me keep you.

Right.

And listen...

This is just until after the funeral, okay?
After that... adiós.

STEWART:
So, Stonemouth.

Not a bad place to grow up

as long as you didn't get on
the wrong side of Don Murston, like I did.

Or Mike MacAvett, for that matter.

Between them,
they have the place sewn up.

Stewart!

Here he is.
- Thank you, darling.

Hello.

STEWART: It's good to see you.
- MORVEN: And to see you.

Dad.
- Hey.

Alright? Good journey?
- Aye. Not too bad.

Is that yours?
- Aye. - It's nice.

AL: Ah, it's good to see you son.
You alright?

I'm fine. I spoke to Don.

He was telling me Cal was depressed.
Always had been, apparently.

Well, Don would know.
- I never realised.

Why didn't I know that?

AL: Look, it's a... it's a shook.
- MORVEN: It's a truly terrible thing.

And Don was fine was he?

I'm allowed to go to the funeral.

I mentioned to Mike that you'd be back.
You should go in and see him.

Hmm.

Look, he's an important person
in this town, Stewart.

Important being another word
for all-round bad bastard.

Who also happens to be your Godfather.

What your Dad is trying to say is
that if you were thinking of moving back

Mike might be able to help
sort things out with the Murstons.

MORVEN:
Are you thinking about moving back?

Why would I do that?
- Ellie, maybe?

Mum. Ellie married Ryan MacAvett
in case you'd forgot.

She also got divorced again
pretty quick.

I've no intention of seeing Ellie.
And I doubt she'd want to see me.

I think that's probably for the best.

You don't know what Ellie thinks - either of you.
She might need a friend just now.

STEWART: I had one mate that might be able
to tell me what'd been going on with Callum.

That was Dougie.

He was the last person
I ever imagined joining the boys in blue.

Gilmour!
You're a sight for sore eyes.

Thanks for coming, Dougie.
Fancy a pint?

On duty this afternoon.
What can I do for you?

DOUGIE: Bipolar?
- STEWART: Yeah, I just don't get it...

You guys hung out a lot,
did you notice anything wrong with him?

DOUGIE: You know Cal. Always cruising about
in that Chevy trying to pick up ladies...

he seemed fine.
- STEWART: He wasn't fine.

Come on, Dougie you're a cop.

You know everything
that goes on in this place.

I did hear in the first autopsy report
no water was found in the lungs

but it was amended.

No water in his lungs?

That would mean he was dead
before he hit the river.

It would, but it was a mistake.

That kind of mistake happen a lot?

That would be casting aspersions
on the professionalism

of our trusty booze-hound of a pathologist.

Put it this way. It's a good thing
the people he operates on are dead already.

Look, I've got to head.

Not-quite-legal Poker game at
the Old Moray tomorrow. You in?

Yeah, mate, I'll be there.

Right, pal, on your bike.

Stewart!

Thank God!

Are you alright?

Yeah. I'll have another over-priced
continental lager please, mate.

Didn't this use to be
The Masons' Arms?

Yeah, well, a lot happens in two years -
I quite like the retro-thing myself.

I preferred the comforting ambience
of a Masonic conspiracy.

How did you know I was back?

Oh, the jungle drums were beating.

Of course I knew you'd be back.
And what's this, man?

What? - Don't tell me you've
gone and developed taste, have you?

I got it in Shoreditch.
- Obviously not, then.

Mums. You look good, mate.

You don't.

Games designer?
You're a games designer?

Why d'you keep saying it like that?

Like you expected me to be some
handy man down at the municipal baths.

I've got a duplex, you know.
You can see the Stoun Bridge from my window.

And naturally I fantasise
about the urban chic of London?

But then I remember what
a crowded, aggressive shit-hole it is.

Why don't you break the habit of a lifetime
and buy a round? Eh?

Fine.

Games designer!

FERG:
Same again please, pal.

Don seemed angry with him.

Gave me this guff
about him being bipolar.

That's not true.
- What do we know?

We knew Callum.

Yeah, mind you, you could never tell
what he was going to do next.

That's what I liked about him.

Now, they say that people
that kill themselves

have been thinking about doing it
every single day of their lives.

Callum didn't.

Didn't think about it, or didn't do it?
- Both.

Well, if he didn't jump -
what are you saying?

He was in trouble, Ferg.

He told me.
He said Big George-type trouble.

You're reading
too much into this, Stewart.

You know, you're upset.

Cal, he was your best friend -

after me, obviously.

Obviously.

According to Dougie, the autopsy said
no water in his lungs before it was 'amended.'

Stop, man! Right there!

Can we keep this
on a need-to-know basis?

You know, there's no point
in us both getting knee-capped.

So Murston's pulled a couple of strings.

They just don't want people
knowing their business.

Let's go.

You owe me a pint.

DANCE MUSE PLAYS

STEWART: We were joined at the hip,
the three of us - me, Ferg and Callum.

Where one went, the others followed.

Callum was hard to read.
That's true.

That's why everybody fancied him.
Even the boys, secretly.

As for Ellie...

God, I don't know
what it was about her.

I just knew we belonged together.

She undid me, hypnotised me...

but she was so far out of my league
I couldn't even speak to her

let alone ask her out,.

Why don't you talk to Ellie about Callum?
You know, maybe she knew what he meant.

It's easier said than done.

You still holding a candle?

Only since I was twelve.

It's daft isn't it?
I mean, is there such a thing?

Love at first sight?

Maybe.

Is it just the illusion of perfect love
projected onto some poor unsuspecting lassie?

Or laddie.

Or is it a magical thing?

Is there truly a soulmate out there
for each and every one of us?

Can we change the subject?

What about you, eh?

You just haven't met him yet,
as the Bublé might say?

Or her - I haven't
completely shut that door.

That's just greedy, Ferg.
Make your mind up.

Well, love at first sight is fine, you know -
it's what happens afterwards that counts.

From Mr Imrie.

Christ, it's Powell.

Look, drink up, yeah?

I have a rule about not drinking with men
who could kill me with one blow.

He's not that bad.
I feel sorry for him.

Mum and Dad dead.
Care homes. All that stuff.

His life was like a Dickens novel.
- Yeah, well I hate Dickens.

That's not what I've heard.

I'm sorry!

MORVEN:
Square sausage and a buttery...

black pudding, fried eggs
just the way you like them.

AL: Now listen.
When you speak to Mike...

...just do whatever he asks, OK?

What's he going to ask?
- I've got no idea, but just do it anyway.

Could you be any more cryptic?

Things have changed around here
since you left.

There's a lot of tension between Mike and Don
and that affects everybody.

What kind of tension?

They both think they know
what's best for Stonemouth.

Mike feels that Don
puts off potential investment.

And Don...

Don just likes things the way they are.

But Don won't always be Don.

OK?

Is there a tape in here
that will destroy itself in ten seconds?

Look, I'm just filling you in now
so nobody else does later.

Go.

Stewart, behave yourself.

MIKE: Stewart Gilmour...
Long time no see!

Hey, how are you, Mike?
- Good, son.

You good?
- Aye, fine.

So, eh, I hear to spoke to Don.

Aye, briefly.
Trying not to ruffle any feathers.

A bit late for that, eh?

I'm not here for Ellie,
despite what everybody seems to think.

I'm here for Cal's funeral.

Difficult thing to comprehend.
A young man taking his own life like that.

What are Don's thoughts?

That Cal jumped off the bridge.
- Good.

Well, not good,
you know, bad, obviously.

Terrible.

And you?

I don't know. I suppose so.
- You suppose so?

Why are you asking?
Do you think something happened to Callum?

Well, as the man says,
just because the unknown is not known?

Doesn't mean that some people
are not in the know about the unknown.

Me, I know what I don't know.

What I would like to know
is what Don doesn't know.

Okay.

You see, I don't want him thinking
that I had anything to do with it.

Which, needless to say, I didn't.

But the last thing I need right now
is Don breathing down my neck.

Why would Don think you had
something to do with it?

He's just looking for some
excuse to take me on.

I asked him to tone down his activities
and he's no best pleased with that.

So I need to tread carefully.

Above all else, be armed.

Good to see you, son,
but stay away from Ellie.

Two years is a long time.
She's not the girl you left behind.

STEWART:
The girl I left behind.

Nicely put, Mike.

One of my clearest memories of Ellie
was down at the beach

on one of those mist discovered days
that seem to go on forever.

I still wanted her but she was going outwith
Josh MacAvett by then.

Good old Josh,.

You know, if you want her
you need to say something.

She's bright my sister,
the real brains of the outfit

but she's not telepathic.

You think I stand a chance?
- You won't know if you don't try.

Everything good comes with
an element of risk, Stewart.

You know, he's got a point.

FERG:
He who dares wins.

Ever thought
you might be gay, Stewart?

No.

How do you know
if you haven't tried?

Kiss me. Just once.

I don't want to kiss you.
- I know you don't want to.

But trust me,
it's in your best interest.

STEWART:
Really?

Look, it might not work,
and if it doesn't then you'll never know.

If it does, well then,
you'll thank me later.

Now, stop being a prick and kiss me -
it could change your life.

Right... no tongues.

Yeah, of course, tongues!
It's got to look good.

Wait...!

Yeah... No!

No man, your heart definitely ain't in it.
- No, it's not!

STEWART: Josh. Tall, blond and handsome.
Just your average Greek God.

What chance
did I have against him?

Having said that, according to Cal,
Josh and Ellie weren't actually doing it.

You see, in my head,
Ellie and I were already a couple.

Problem was I'd never really spoken to her
apart from the odd 'Hello' now and then.

But now, thanks to Ferg and his dastardly plan,
Josh was out of the way.

And I had one last chance
to make an impression.

No more excuses.
The time was now,.

I knew in my heart of hearts
it was a lost cause

but what did I have to lose?
Apart from my self-respect...

And who needs that
when you're in love?

Hey, Stewart.
- You alright?

How's things?
- Aye, good.

Looking forward to art school?
- Yeah.

Why are you shielding your eyes?

Don't know, maybe you.
You might have a high albedo.

I might have a high what?

Albedo. It's... It's to do with
how much light something reflects.

So I'm too shiny?
Is that what you're saying?

Right, well,
I'm going to leave you in peace then.

No, just stay. Keep me company.

Okay.

You won't know trhis.
There's no reason why you would...

I probably shouldn't say it either, but erm...

Well, the truth is...

The truth is?

Aye, the truth...

The truth is...

I've been in love with you
since the first moment I laid eyes on you.

And I'd love to have a baby with you.

Spooning will suffice
for the moment.

Ellie?

STEWART:
Get a grip of yourself, Gilmour.

Be nonchalant. You've moved on.

Let her do the talking.

STEWART:
Grier?

Stewart Gilmour,
as I live and breathe.

Interesting, you look relieved
and disappointed at the same time.

I guess you thought I was my sister.

Story of my life.

Come here...

How are you doing?
- I'm good, you? - Aye, not bad.

Alright.

Shit, you're not with
your brothers are you?

No. Just me.

Look at you, you look grown up.
- Ah, well, you look old.

Come on...

GRIER:
So, here you are.

I heard you got special dispensation
to come to Cal's send off.

I did.

She's back, by the way.

I heard.

I guess you want me to set up
a meeting between you two?

No, I don't think she'd be
very pleased to see me. Do you?

Chances are no.

I'm going to go to see Callum.
Do you want to come?

They charge you twenty quid
to look at your own dead brother.

Tells you everything you need to know
about how twisted our society is.

Any idea why he did it, Grier?
- Guilt.

Why'd you say that?

Because I knew my brother.

He had a lot to feel guilty about.

Like what?

Christ, I hate the smell of lilies.
Can we go?

I'm sorry.

GRIER:
Forget what I said in there.

My apparent lack of emotion
is merely a coping mechanism.

I haven't slept in days.

Come on. You can't say something like that
and leave it hanging.

Cal was the best mate you could ask for.
You could trust Cal.

People were drawn to him...
- Stewart, give it a rest.

You make him sound like Mother Teresa.

He thought Machiavelli
was a good role model, remember?

Only 'cause he thought
he played for Inter Milan.

No, he fancied himself as a bit of a schemer.
He had a dark side, Stewart.

Yeah, but what could have driven him
to take his own life?

Trust me, there was stuff.

What do you mean, stuff?

Things happened between us.
Things that shouldn't.

I don't really want to talk about it.

STEWART: I'd heard Ellie had been working
at the drug rehab centre in town.

It wasn't the smartest move
going to see her

but after what Grier said
I had to speak to her.

But when I saw her,
I knew Mike was right.

Bye.

Two years is a long time...

I hate to quote Cher
but if I could turn back time...

CEILIDH MUSIC PLAYS

it would be to the night
of Lauren's wedding.

Lauren being Ellie's best friend.

I know what you're thinking,
you dirty pig.

Stop it. She's going to be
your sister-in-law.

I wasn't thinking anything like that.

So what are you and Ellie doing
once you get hitched? London?

No. Ellie wants to stay here, so...

Hi, Stewart.
- Don.

That'll be you in a few weeks' time.
You written the speech yet?

I can't wait, to be honest.

Listen, after the honeymoon,
you come see me, we'll sort you out. Alright?

Ellie's used to the best in life

and, eh, no son-in-law of mine
can go on living like a student.

Or wearing shoes like that.

STEWART: I had no idea just how important
those bloody shoes were going to be...

Ryan? ls this what you dragged me
out here for? Give it a rest.

Oh, come on, El, just for old times...

What old times? It was your brother
I went out with, not you.

But it should have been me.

I'm getting married to Stewart.

What he doesn't know
won't hurt him.

STEWART: So there I was,
two weeks from tying the knot myself

and I catch my fiancee
snogging somebody else.

Not that I'm making excuses,
you understand

but it wasn't exactly the best time to have
temptation appear before me in a red dress.

Alright, Stewart? You look like you need
a little pick-me-up. Fancy a line?

Of coke?
- No, of credit.

Of course, coke.
- Aye, let's go.

SNIFFING SOUNDS

Seeing as we're here...

Fancy a shag? Or not.

BATH ROOM DOOR CREAKS

It's ok, it's ok.

JEL GROANS

GUESTS CLAP?

DON:
It's Gilmour! I recognise the shoes.

Gilmour!
- You need to follow me.

Ellie, I can explain...

My family are going to kill you.
Just do as I say.

Ferg, stall them. Move!
- DON: Find him.

Find him and bring him to me.
Find that bastard and bring him here!

FERG:
You went to see Callum?

You actually went and saw him
like... lying there?

I wish I hadn't now.

Listen, don't do that to me.

I don't want people coming in
and staring at me when I'm none the wiser.

You got a problem?

Me? No mate, keep it,
I've got another six.

Oh, funny man, eh? How'd about I ram
this ball right up your Jap's eye?

Don't be daft.
There's no need for this.

You call me daft, there?
Like I'm mentally retarded or something?

You think you're something special,
don't you, Gilmour?

Went to art college... See, to me,
you're just a wee fanny with a paintbrush.

You watch your step
or you'll end up like your pal Callum.

POWELL:
ls there a problem here?

Powell. This prick’s being a prick.
That's the problem.

It's Mr Imrie to you.

Stewart. Are you alright?
- I'm fine, Powell.

What's this you were
saying about Callum?

Nothing.

If you've anything
to share with the group, feel free...

I was just... winding him up.

How about I cut out your tongue
and use it to wipe my arse. How about that?

HE LAUGHS NERVOUSLY

Come here,
I want to show you a little trick.

What?

Give me the ball.

Put your hand on the table there - flat.

What are you doing, Mr Imrie?

TENSE MUSIC

POWELL:
There we go.

Please, Mr Imrie...
- Close your eyes.

I'm beggin' you...
- Close your eyes.

POWELL LAUGHS

Leave young Mr Gilmour alone.

Stewart, can I have a word, please?

STEWART:
Who is that nutter?

POWELL:
D-Cup. He's a nobody.

What did he mean by
'you'll end up like your pal Callum'?

Why are we even talking about him?

If anything happened to Callum, that little
non-entity would be the last person t'know.

Now, this car.

The Ka.

Booked for a week, is that right?

Uh huh.

Don wants to know is it for reasons
of cheapness that you have it for so long?

Not a signal of intent to hang about.

It was cheaper by the week.
- Okay, that's what I thought.

Cheapness aside...
if you need to go earlier, you could?

Why? I checked in with Don like you said...

Didn't cover yourself
in glory though, did you?

Mentioning Ellie.

Don thought that was a bit cheeky.

And that was before he saw you
hanging about outside the Drop In Centre.

He followed me?
- Doesn't need to follow you, Stew boy.

He's got friends in high places.
Eyes everywhere.

And now Fraser and Norrie
are keen to catch up and chew the fat.

You told me everything would be OK.

Yeah, it was, until you started
being cheeky and generally sneaking about.

Now, listen to me.

I'm on your side.

But patience is wearing thin.

Just... best leave well alone.

DOUGIE, AMERICAN ACCENT: You're good kid,
but as long as I'm around, you're second best.

You might as well learn to live with it.
- Every time!

FERG:
I'll raise you twenty.

Dougie, d'you know this guy D-Cup?
- Not biblically, but aye.

He's been done a few times.
Weed mostly. Why?

Did Callum know him?
- Don't think they travelled in the same circles.

EZZIE:
Raise you again.

What's it like working on
the Stoun Bridge, Ezzie?

Aye. It's alright.

Any jumpers this week?
- Just the one. Female. Not a fatality.

Is that the lassie
from the Riggans estate?

Aye. Amazing how many people
make an arse of topping themselves.

EZZIE:
Three kings.

Ooh... Four cowboys!

Drinks, chaps?
FERG: Cheers, man.

Were you working the night Cal died?
- I was, aye.

Did you see what happened?
- I didn't, no.

This is yours if you let me
see the CCTV from that night.

Waste of time. There's nothing to see.
Camera was down.

That's handy, eh?

Not really. It happens on a regular basis.
Target practice for the neds.

Better give Dougie a hand.

Stewart. Leave it.
- Oh, come on, Ferg. Somethings going on.

The CCTV just happens to be down
the night he jumped...?

That doesn't mean anything.
Listen, drop the Inspector Poirot act, alright?

He was my friend - and when he asked
for help I ignored him.

There's nothing you can
do about that now.

Do you want a hand, boys?
- EZZIE: Cheers for that.

Ellie.
- Hello, Stewart.

I'm really sorry about Cal.

I know you are.

I heard my Dad's been
trying to ride you out of town.

Ignore him.

You have every right
to be at the funeral.

Thank you.

Y'know, El, I wrote you a dozen letters
saying how sorry I was.

I just never posted any of them.

I just thought it sounded like
I was making excuses, you know...

Which you probably were.

How have you been? really?

My family turn people into addicts,
I try and make them better.

We keep each other busy.

Can we... can we go somewhere?

Okay.

STEWART:
I bumped into Grier today.

ELLIE: I heard. Still as mad
as a box of snakes, isn't she?

STEWART: Aye, she did say
something a bit weird.

Well, people do
in the circumstances, eh?

Well, that depends, Stewart.
How weird is weird?

She said something about stuff
happening between her and Cal.

Made out like Cal
had some dark secret.

A while ago,
Grier and I got drunk together.

She'd fallen out with Cal.

They were always arguing
but this seemed more serious.

Anyway, she said she was sick and tired
of how Cal could do no wrong in Dad's eyes.

She felt ignored and unloved.

She decided
that she was going to tell Dad

that she and Cal had
had an incestuous relationship.

I know. It's unbelievable.

I told her it was an obscene thing to do

and that if she ever
tried to pull a stunt like that

I'd just tell everyone
about our conversation.

And did she tell Don?

I don't know.

She might have.
That girl's capable of anything.

I'm sorry. I can't deal with this.

Good to see you, Stewart.

STEWART:
Oh Jesus.

Mike and Mrs M.
And clearly more than just friends.

That was something
I really didn't need to know about.

STEWART:
Help! Help!

PHONE RINGS

POWELL: Yeah?
- DON: Is it done yet?

POWELL:
We may have a problem.

Oh Jesus, can they do nothing right.
What's happening?

POWELL:
Well let's just say...

kidnapping

Right.

FRASER:
Mm Mm [mm

POWELL:
Ah, it's OK, it's OK. He's in the van.

Right. God d'you imagine
handing the keys of the castle to those two?

If only you were a Murston, Powell.
If only you were a Murston.

Shhhh. Stewie boy.
Lovely to see you again.

Get the rope.

STEWART:
Help! Help. Please let me up.

Please! Please! Fraser! Fraser!

We told you t'stay away from her.
Didn't we?

Please, let me up, please!

Fraser! Norrie!

Well, don't go and shit yourself.

Norrie.

FRASER:
Cos it's time to kiss your arse goodbye.

Jesus! Norrie, let me up! Let me up!

MUSIC: 'House of Liars'
by Cam Penner

♪ At the scene of the crime
they're working overtime

♪ Fuel in the fire, feet on the wire

♪ What sounds like a crime
is a house of liars

♪ I'm still looking for one
good and honest person for hire

♪ So tell me who rocked the boat?

♪ Who rocked the boat, etc. ♪?

Ripped By mstoll