Still the King (2016–2017): Season 1, Episode 11 - SeshFest - full transcript

Charlotte invites Vernon to her drummer boyfriend's show at a local music festival. Vernon promises he'll be there, but a call from Trayne Crosstown with an offer for a repeat performance causes Vernon to try and have it all.

Morning, Ronnie.

Oh, hey, Hibachi guys.

Uh, if this is about brunch,
I'm gonna have to take a rain check.

Coy says I'm not supposed
talk to you guys anymore.

Says you're gonna take advantage
of me, not in a good way.

That's because we're not Hibachi guys.

We work for the SEC.

That's the Securities
and Exchange Commission.

We're after your boss.

What? You lied to me?

You can't trust two random dudes
you met in a Teppanyaki restaurant,



then who can you trust?

Look, Ronnie, we can do this
the easy way or the hard way.

It's up to you.

Oh, I got news for you, pal.

Ronford Manly only does
things the hard way.

I love it when they do it the hard way.

- Do you, Gene?
- Do you?

Were you here when the
others were formed?

Oh, yeah, we've been tracking
these crop circles for years.

And, uh, you know, a lot of
people wanna know, is it legit?

And I'll tell you right now,
it's 100% legit.

These are aliens.

Walt, one of your weirdo
buddies is on the news in here.

More like weirdo rival.



He's like the Stephen Hawking
to my Neil deGrasse Tyson.

Yeah, exactly like that.

Okay, flowers ordered, evites sent.

Oh, Charlotte, I need to know

if you're bringing that
boy you're seeing.

Oh.

- What happened?
- Did you guys break up?

Why didn't you tell me?

You've had a ton of stuff
on your mind, and I'm fine.

I talked to dad about it,
and he was actually very helpful.

I told her there's plenty
of fish in the sea.

And next time, try to find one
swimming in the same school.

Hey, want me to rough him up for you?

I know people.

Or person.

It's Dale.

That is very sweet, Walt,
but no assault necessary.

Hey, do you have any aluminum foil?

Are you taking leftovers?

Leftovers? No, why?

It's in the drawer by the stove.

If you see Ronnie out there,
will you tell him

to speed walk his butt home?

Copy that.

- Hey, are you alright?
- No, I'm not alright.

I'm completely overwhelmed.

And we have all this
wedding stuff to do today,

and Ronnie's not picking up his phone.

I don't wanna do this alone.

It's embarrassing.

Especially when you're eight
and a half months pregnant.

Oh, you don't look a day over
seven and three-quarters.

Well, and I could skip
school and help you out.

You're not missing any more school.

Vernon, do you mind taking her?
I'm running late.

No problem.

Can Mabel drop you off this
evening to try on your dress?

Do I need to be worried about Ronnie?

No, he's fine.

He probably just got
distracted by something shiny.

You think you went a little
overboard here, Gene?

Fine.

We're gonna give you a
chance here, Ronnie.

We want you to wear a wire...

and get Coy to open up about
his operation on tape.

- What?
- Ronnie's no snitch, boys.

Besides, I can't wear a wire.

I'm not good under pressure.

I mean I break
out in cold sweats,

my left arm goes numb,
my elbow gets a weird switch.

I mean, sometimes I even start to faint.

That sounds like a stroke.
You might wanna...

We are taking this company
down with our without you!

Now we are giving you a chance
here, Ronnie, to help us

and save yourself some hard time.

But Coy's a good guy.

A good guy?

Jim, the photos.

See these guys, Ronnie?

You know what they all had in common?

They all had strokes?

They all worked for Coy!

Whoo, you had me worried
with that damn stroke talk.

They all worked with Coy,
and they all ended up dead!

Coy killed 'em!

No, cancer, car accident,

complications from leech therapy.

Geesh, way to ruin the implied threat.

Look, the point is they all ended up

broke, dead, or in jail.

You don't wanna end up
like them, Ronnie...

do you?

People of Earth, we come in peace.

That's me.

Nice try.

We all know you're just
here to mine our gold

to save your home planet's atmosphere.

I think I might have found a pattern.

Come on.

So if you look at the times
and locations of the circles,

it's pretty clear which
constellation emerges.

Hercules?

No, based on where the new
circles are cropping up,

- I think I know which one it is.
- Big Dipper?

No.

Look, it's Orian. It's Orian.

- Of course. Orian's Belt.
- Yes.

- With the pyramids.
- Yes.

Okay, well, according to this,
the next crop circle

should show up right here tonight.

Yeah.

What does Reggie think about this?

I didn't tell him yet.

I wanted to share it
with you. UTI first.

We need protective eyewear.

Check.

A demagnetized compass,
got one right here.

- Check.
- And we also need

- sandwich baggies.
- Check.

Wait, what do we need
sandwich baggies for?

Sandwiches.

It could be a long night.

Oh, smart.

Hello, hello.

Welcome, welcome.

- I need to set up a registry.
- Baby shower, I assume?

It's a wedding.

I see.

Lick of time, it looks like. Uh, boop.

Yes, and name?

Debbie Cooke. Yeah.

And will the groom be joining you?

Yep, I'm here.

Had to park the car.

- How you doing, darling?
- What are you doing here?

So...

What are you doing here?

Uh, you said be here, so I'm here.

- This is my fiancé.
- Ronnie.

Yes, Ron... Ronnie.

- Dumb name, I know it.
- It's not a dumb name.

- I had dumb parents.
- His parents aren't dumb.

Okie-dokie.

Well, here is a registry
gun for each of you.

Yes. And just point at
the items you want,

and they will add that item
to your gift registry.

Let's go shopping, baby.

- Let's do it.
- Whoo!

Geesh, what are you, 12?

Here we go.

Sheep's wool.

It's nice.

You got me.

What are you doing?

I was trying to do a
commando roll like you,

but I forgot there's a baby onboard.

Get up here you crazy thing.

You gotta come see this.

What is it?

Remember how the waffles
are always burnt

- in the top left corner?
- Uh-huh.

Well, look it, "Va-la."

Fixes our problems right here.
We totally need this.

Vernon, I mean, I appreciate
you showing up so I don't have

to do this alone, but I mean,
you realize once I'm married,

you're gonna have to move out.

- Of course I do.
- Okay.

But that doesn't mean I
can't still come over

and make you waffles, does it?

Well, that's kinda the thing.

I mean, once I'm married,
I'm not gonna want anyone

but Ronnie making me waffles.

Now when you say making waffles...

I mean waffles,
I mean everything, Vernon.

This one also makes Panini.

Think you folks got everything you want?

To be honest with ya, I'm having trouble

getting this one to scan.

Maybe it's out of stock.

I reckon so.

Right here, right here.
It's on the right.

It's still kinda early though.

It's daylight.

Well, you know what they say.

Early bird catches the wormhole.

Space humor.

I love it.

Remember when I told you about Colombo?

- Yeah, your favorite constellation.
- Yeah, it is.

It's gonna show up tonight around here.

This is gonna be so much
cooler than the planetarium.

Yeah.

Oh, look, how'd this get in there?

Nice. Good idea.

- Did you bring cups?
- No.

Uh... but I brought these.

Okay.

This goes in this.

And then you can just drink like this.

Alright.

You know, maybe we should just...

- Just drink out of the bottle.
- Yeah.

- Cheers.
- Cheers.

Oh, Ronnie, come on in.

Nice shorts, Ron.

They make those in men's?

Hey, a baby flea called.

- It wants its tiny (BLEEP) back!
- I'll...

Whoa, reign it in... stallions.

How can I help you, Ronnie?

Oh, yeah, I just wanted
some clarification

on that marina project.

You seem nervous, Ronnie.

There's sweat glistening
on your strong brow,

supple checks are flushed.

You alright?

Yeah, so I was wondering...

I decided to reward you.

Oh.

Leadership positions are not
for the soft and the weak.

They're for the firm and
the hard, and that's you.

So if you want it,

the Trident Marina Project is yours.

Sign here.

- Okay.
- And here.

- Easy enough.
- And date up there.

- It's the 23rd.
- Okay.

- And initial.
- Alright.

- Initial.
- Alright.

- And sign.
- Okay.

Who are your bridesmaids?

Charlotte, my daughter,
and my friend, Kaitlynn.

And the groomsmen?

Well, that's kind of a problem,

because I don't have any friends,

'cause I'm kinda selfish,
hard to get along with.

I bet I get called an (BLEEP) four,
five times a day minimum.

I'll just put undecided.

You know who we could
get is Vernon Brown.

- That son of a...
- Vernon Brown...

I'm writing undecided.

Okay, we're undecided.

Alright, let's do the quick
run-through, shall we?

Ronnie, I need you to go on
down there by the altar,

face back this way.

Keep going, keep going, keep going.

Yes, great. Now turn
around and face back.

Debboe, you'll be waiting right there.

We're gonna hear..."

Cue bridesmaids.

♪ And our beautiful blushing bride ♪

♪ And now face the groom ♪

I just flushed the wire.
I can't go through with it.

You'll have to find someone else.

You just destroyed government property.

We can add that to the
charges against you.

What... you got Coy all wrong.

He's a good guy.

You're being nalïve.

Don't think for a minute
that he wouldn't turn you in

to save his own ass.

I'll have to take my chances,
how 'bout that?

Look, I gotta let you go.

I got a wedding to plan.

I guess super strength.

I mean, I would say invisibility, but...

I think I'd feel like kind of a creep.

For me, it would be flight.

Although I'd be afraid of bird attacks.

- Birds really freak me out.
- Yeah.

I once looked into the eyes
of blue jay, saw pure evil.

Did you see that?

Yeah.

Walt, this is it.

It's a lot smaller than
I thought it'd be.

They could be aliens.

Oh my God!

Oh, Leia, it's not what it looks like.

You and your idiot friends
aren't using ropes and logs

to make a fake crop circle in
the middle of a wheat field?

Okay, yes, it...
that's what it looks like.

What are you doing with Walt?
What's this hankie-pankie?

Don't try to change the subject, Reggie.

You guys should be
ashamed of yourselves.

You don't deserve the
PMS on your jacket.

I can explain.

I thought we were gonna
keep it a secret.

Damn it, Kenny, if there
weren't laws against it,

I would rip your tongue
right out of your face.

Okay, let's hear it.

I did it for us.

To get... Kenny, kill the drone!

- But it looks really cool.
- Oh, geesh.

Oh us?

You see, my plan was to get famous.

And not like regionally famous.

I mean, famous famous.

I could have my own PMS show.

I'd be like the Anthony Bourdain
of the paranormal world.

There'd be sponsors and money.

We could get a pool.

Maybe even a Tesla.

And we could finally see Epcot.

Epcot, Leia.

Reggie!

People who are pure of heart
don't investigate the unknown

because they want fame.

They do it because they want to believe

in something bigger than themselves.

Uh, mah! I can't even
look at you right now.

Right now. But you can look at me later?

Uh, no.

We are so broken up.

Le-Leia!

Does that mean we're done for the night?

No. Let's just take a
quick coffee break.

Yeah, we're done for the night!

Stupid!

Vernon.

I can't get it zipped.

It's too tight.

Can you go get the lady?

She's breaking up a
fight between two brides

that wanted the same dress.

- I'll get it for ya.
- I don't know if it fits.

I got my eyes closed, don't worry.

- I'm sweating.
- I'm sorry.

I got it.

There you go.

Oh my God.

I'm embarrassed to come out.

Well, don't be, come on.
I've seen you naked.

Let's do it.

Whoo, look at you!

Can you tell I'm pregnant?

Not at all, baby, not at all.

That's our secret.

Oh, yeah, big secret.

Yeah, uh-huh.

Is it too tight?

You look beautiful.

What are you doing?

Oh my God, Mom!

You look amazing.

Doesn't she?

- Oh my God, I love it.
- Thank you.

- Dad, what are you doing here?
- Uh, helping your mom.

Where's Ronnie?

Hold on there, Speedy.

It's getting dangerously close to a run.

You in a hurry?

Yeah, I gotta get to
the tux shop by six,

or Deb's gonna pull my
dolphin shorts over my head.

Plenty of time.

And the night is young.

Let's say we go for a little drive?

I got something I wanna show you.

And it'll give you plenty
of time to explain where...

this came from.

Let's go, Ronnie.

Did you get that out of the toilet?

Just get in the car, Ronnie.

So, did you enjoy the ride, Ronnie?

That's the last drive
you'll ever take...

uh... in this car.

I'm trading it in on Tuesday
for a money-green Jag.

Come on.

Oh, God, no, please, please.

I can explain, please!

Please, I'm sorry!

Please... I can explain.

Well, as titillating as it is

to see you on your knees begging...

we're not gonna kill you.

- Wait, what?
- We're not gonna kill him?

You said I could murder him!

It's the whole reason I brought my OJs.

Well, I was joking.

Can you imagine?

(BLEEP) I don't even know why I came.

Oh, stop pouting, Vance.

- Come on, get up.
- Okay.

- Look around.
- What do you see?

Empty parking lot?

Over there.

Funny, I see rows of slips
with 50-foot yachts.

Welcome to Trident Marina.

There's nothing here.

Exactly.

Guess who signed the documents
that said there was?

Me?

I'd think twice about going to the FEDs.

Beause you know there
will be consequences.

Hey, Vance, what happened to first time

that you were disloyal?

You put a ribeye down my pants,

tied me to the fence at a dog park.

Yeah.

Well, you know,

just so that we
understands each other...

give you some time for reflection.

Let's go!

But...

Don't move.

Can I get a jacket?

Murder ya later, Ronnie.

Oh, Charlotte, do you like it?

I guess it's not entirely hideous.

Oh, it looks beautiful.

Babe, remember I told you power walking

was harder than running?

- Yeah.
- It's not true.

Oh, you ran for me?

Little bit.

Is this the groom?

Yep, that's Ronnie.

Okay.

How 'bout we get you some paper towels

and you try this suit on?

So... you've been helping mom
all day with wedding stuff?

Yeah.

I'm feeling kinda like a third
wheel, to be honest with ya.

You ever hear the saying,
"speak now" or forever hold your peace"?

Yeah.

I'll see ya in a little bit.

1932.

1963, Sir Thomas Moore, Wiltshire.

- 1966, the...
- Walt, stop.

I know you're trying to
make me feel better,

but you don't have to list

every unexplained crop circle
from the 16th century on.

Reggie might be a total
fraud, but trust me,

- I'm still a believer.
- So am I.

- I know.
- That's what I love about...

That's what I love about you, too.

We never ate those sandwiches.

Walt... we've been in
the car for an hour.

Do you wanna eat the sandwiches inside?

Yeah.

Yeah, I do.

Okay, me, too.

Doesn't he look handsome?

You know, he actually does.

Yeah, I know.

Hey, babe, you know that whole
"for richer or poorer thing"?

You're still cool with that, right?

Of course I am.

Cool.

Guys, really, I can explain.

Please, please, I can explain.

As titillating as it is

to see you on your knees begging...

Previously on "Still the King"...

You can't invite my girlfriend
to join your dumb group.

It's Coy's company. He's the boss.

Ronnie is definitely our guy.

I mean, I didn't tell 'em anything,
I just told 'em about

the day-to-day operations of the company

and how you taught me how
to practically steal money.

Will you marry me?

Yes, Ronnie, yes, I'll marry you.

You okay, Vern?

I ain't ever had a jealous
bone in my damn body.

I never mentioned anything
about being jealous.

I'm gonna go make some poor decisions.