Steven Universe (2013–…): Season 5, Episode 16 - Letters to Lars - full transcript

*STEVEN UNIVERSE*
Season 05 Episode 16
Episode Title: "Letters to Lars"

Lars: Captain's log...
I think it's Friday.

I've ordered Rhodonite to do
a spectral scan of the system.

Hopefully, one of
these asteroids

has the Flotanium deposits

we need to get our
warp engines back online.

Hmm.
[ Grunts ]

What now, Steven?

A letter?

Steven: "Dear Lars, how's space?
Is it still big?

You don't have to
answer that right now.



This is a letter.

Since you're away from home,
I thought I'd fill you in

on what's been going
on at Beach City.

Everyone misses you so much.

Since Sadie is busy
with the band,

no one is around
to open up the Big Donut."

[ Sighs ]

Oh, come on.
Are they still not open?

Ugh.
I know Sadie quit a while ago,

but why the heck isn't Lars
here to pick up the slack?

Uh, Ronaldo,
Lars is in space.

[ Laughs ]

Good one, Steven.

I needed that.



You're serious?

Don't you remember when everyone
in town was abducted by Gems?

Mayor Dewey had to give
all those speeches about it.

Do you believe everything
the government tells you?

I'm the one who
told the government.

Wait, what?

So that means...
Mmhmm.

So Lars
is really in space?

Mm-hmm.
Is he in danger?

Surrounded by aliens?

All of the above.

This is a nightmare.

I'm the one who should
be in space!

Why does Lars get to be whisked
away into the infinite cosmos

on an adventure
of a lifetime?

It's so ironic
it hurts my soul.

[ Sobbing ]

- There, there.
- , Morning, Universe.

Oh, good morning.

Still not open, huh?

I guess me and the Big Donut
have a lot in common now.

We're both empty inside.

Steven: "As far
as local politics,

Mayor Dewey
isn't mayor anymore.

There was an election
and Nanefua

won with her platform
of working together."

Nanefua: So we are all
in agreement, yes?

In the event of a Gem-related
emergency,

everyone should go to
the newly-designated shelters.

Me and Garnet can take
care of food rations.

Anyone know a good,
non-perishable brand of chaps?

You can also put some pizza
ingredients on ice just in case.

That's a great idea, Garnet.

We can ask all the local
restaurants to pitch in food

in case we have
to hide for awhile.

These all seem like
great plans,

but how are you going
to get in contact

with everyone when
there is an emergency?

This may be a small town,
but it's a big small town.

Oh, Mayor Gunga, I could
drive you around

while you use the loudspeaker
to spread the word through town.

Cheese on bread!
That's a good idea.

While Jenny does that, I can
take to the boardwalk on foot

and let all the businesses
know what's up.

And as soon as we know
of any impending danger,

I'll give everyone a call
on my cellular phone.

It might be easier if you
just sent out a mass text.

What number do I call
for mass text?

Pearl, is this your
first cell phone?

Maybe.

Is there anything else we can do
to beef up the town's security?

It would be nice if we could
have some kind of lookout.

Maybe I'll pick up one of
the high-powered telescopes

for the lighthouse
or something.

I volunteer!
I love looking out.

If I can't be in space,
then I can at least look at it.

Nanefua:
This is beautiful.

Ronaldo, Greg,
you're on lookout duty.

Kiki, Pearl, you are
in charge of communication.

Steven, Garnet,
you call for rations.

And Jenny and I will spread
the word about the plan.

Now everyone is helping
to make our town safe.

Everyone except me.

Aww.

Oh, you made
things awkward.

Steven: "Sadie Killer and the
Suspects are still going strong.

They're gearing up for a huge
show right here in Beach City.

I hope you can make it back
in time to see them play."

And just as the chorus
is finishing up,

I'll grab this fake
but very realistic chainsaw,

and then Steven will hit me
with the lights,

and we'll all scream.

Aah. Aah.

And then I'll come out.

Oogity boogity.

I don't think
you get it, Dad.

We're going for scary scary,
not ha-ha scary.

Oh. All right.
I just wanted to help.

Did you cut holes
in my bedsheets?

Steven: "Jamie the mailman has
been making a lot of progress

establishing
a local theater scene.

He's done a bunch
of one-man shows

and even started
teaching improv."

People of Beach City, are you
ready to laugh your butts off?

I am!

We got a killer lineup
for you tonight,

so please welcome
the Beach City Laugh Guards.

Whoo!
Yeah!

Now all we need to get started

is a single word
from the audience.

Pearl: Steven!

We do a scene
about Steven every week.

Well, I think
those scenes are good.

Uh, spaghetti!
No. No. Uh, car.

No. That's not good.

Oh, how about plumber?

I heard "plumber."

And now the Beach City Laugh
Guards will perform a completely

improvised scene based
on the word plumber.

No.
Do Steven!

Wait, cats!

And no more suggestions
for the rest of the show.

Thanks for coming out
on such short notice.

My sink is clogged.

Well, looks like we're going
to need one of these.

[ Steven laughs ]
No, no, no. Cut. Stop.

Notes... Barb, love how you
set up the scene.

Amethyst, you don't have
to "become" a plunger.

Just pretend to have one.
Observe and learn.

Ah...

Ooh.

Uh...

What?
Wow.

That's way too confusing.
You could be holding anything.

I'm holding a plunger.

Pearl: Oh.

I thought you were holding a
long, skinny submarine sandwich.

Steven: Pearl!
Be nice.

It's obviously
much more clear

if you can see
the actual plunger.

She's got a point,
there, dude.

[ Laughs ] Looks like
I improved improv.

Dewey: Did I miss my cue?

Oh.
Whatever.

Hello, ladies.

It's me, the waiter
in this restaurant.

Can I offer you some more worms?

Blackout.

It was better
than last week.

Steven: "Anyways,
my dad is still rich

even after buying
that telescope,

so he's been trying out
rich people sports.

He an Garnet have been playing
tennis on the weekends."

[ Panting ]

Garnet, this is a little
intense for a warm-up.

Maybe we could try
a light volley?

This is light.

Being rich
has made you week.

Oh, hey, tennis.

Room for one m... Ow!

Steven: "In other
sports-related news,

Beach City Underground Wrestling
has been intense lately.

The Marmalade Boys
fought each other in,

you guessed it, marmalade.

The crowd was eating it up,

but not literally because
that would be gross.

Concrete Heat faced off
against the Wolf of Wall Street

inside a steel cage,

and the Good-Looking Gang
finally lost the Tag-Team Title

to the Sea Wasp
and Shark-o-mania.

I know you don't
need to eat anymore,

but I thought you'd
still be interested

in the local french fry scene
in Beach City.

Peedee started his
very own food truck.

He's not old enough
to drive yet, though,

so it's kind of just
another fry stand."

Hey, Steven.
What will it be?

What have you got?

Well, I deal exclusively
in tater tots now.

That's great, Peedee.
Can I get the bits?

Uh, why don't you
try the tots?

They're the fry
of the future.

Do the tots have bits?

[ Sighs ]
I'll get you the bits.

I like your super-cool truck,
Peedee.

I love the giant potato
on the top.

Oh, thanks. It actually used
to be the Mayor Mobile.

I just painted over
Mayor Dewey's head.

It's a good thing that his head
was so big and lumpy.

Yeah.

The new city board practically
just gave it to me, too.

It's like they wanted nothing
to do with it anymore.

Everything has been
pretty great for me

since Nanefua became mayor.

Oh, no.

All right.
I got the bits.

Steven?

[ Sighs ]

Mayor Dewey, wait!

You know, Universe,
seeing my old Mayor Mobile

turned into a giant potato

made me realize that nothing
is like it used to be.

My old life, my old town,
my old citizens,

they've all changed.

They've all outgrown me,
I suppose.

Well, of course
everyone is changing.

Nothing can stay
the same forever.

You know what I miss the most
about being the mayor?

The little things, getting
dressed and ready for work,

walking down the boardwalk

seeing everyone's
smiling faces, yes.

Knowing I had a place
in this town.

I used to look forward
to it every day,

just like the people
of this town

used to look forward
to their morning donut.

I guess these days no one
gets what they want.

Wait a second.
I have an idea.

"And so Mayor Dewey started
working at the Big Donut.

It seemed as if
the entire town showed up

for the grand reopening.

The whole thing filled Mr. Dewey
with a new sense of purpose.

He's really changing
things up, too.

Well, not really,
but he is naming

all the donuts after himself."

Next in line, please.

I'll have a regular glazed.

One Classic Dewey
coming up.

And how about a freshly fried
Dewey Roll on the house?

Take it easy, Billy.

You're going to go
out of business.

Ha ha!
You're cute.

Steven: "But there is one donut
that's not named after Dewey.

He let me name
a donut after you.

It's a pink donut
with pink sprinkles.

I call it the Pink Lars.

Even though you're in space,
there's still a part of you here

in sweet, delicious donut form.

You got to try one
when you get back.

Anyway, hope this letter
finds you in good spirits.

Love, Steven."

I appreciate the letter,
but why did you write this

if you were just going to tell
me everything in person anyway?

Sometimes
it's nice to be read to.

You realize I don't know who
half of these people are, right?

Like, who the heck is Peridot?

Someone who misses you
every day, I think.

You know what?
You haven't met before.

I'll have to introduce you
when you get back to Earth.

Huh.
Thanks for the letter, Steven.

♪♪

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