Steven Universe (2013–…): Season 2, Episode 26 - Steven's Birthday - full transcript

♪ ARE THE CRYSTAL GEMS ♪

♪ WE'LL ALWAYS SAVE THE DAY ♪

Steven:
♪ AND IF YOU THINK WE CAN'T ♪

♪ WE'LL ALWAYS FIND A WAY ♪

♪ THAT'S WHY THE PEOPLE ♪

♪ OF THIS WORLD ♪

♪ BELIEVE IN ♪

♪ GARNET ♪

Amethyst: ♪ AMETHYST ♪

Pearl: ♪ AND PEARL ♪

AND STEVEN!



I CAN'T BELIEVE
IT'S FINALLY MY BIRTHDAY!

YOU'RE SURE IT'S OKAY WE'RE
TAKING A BREAK FROM THE DRILL?

PERIDOT WILL KEEP US
ON SCHEDULE.

YO, PERI, YOU SURE YOU DON'T
WANT TO GET IN ON THIS?

[ POP! ]

[ GOGGLES CLINK ]

WE SHOULD CELEBRATE
OUR PROGRESS.

WE SHOULD CELEBRATE
YOUR PROGRESS.

YOU'VE GROWN A LOT THIS YEAR.
-HE CERTAINLY HAS.

YEAH.
YEAH, I GUESS SO!

[ HORN HONKS ]

-STEVEN!
-CONNIE!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

THANKS!
WELCOME TO THE PARTY.



MAY I OFFER YOU
A REFRESHMENT?

OH, STEVEN, HOW GENTILE.

Together: CLINK!

SO, THIS IS THE BARN.

I'M SURPRISED
YOUR PARENTS

ARE LETTING YOU STAY
FOR THE WEEKEND.

[ CHUCKLES ]
IT WASN'T EASY.

THEY ONLY LET ME COME
AFTER EQUIPPING ME

WITH EVERY PIECE
OF SAFETY GEAR ON THE PLANET.

WHAT SHOULD I DO
WITH THIS DEFIBRILLATOR?

UM, WE CAN JUST LEAVE IT
IN THE CAR FOR NOW.

[ GIGGLES ]

WELL, I'M GLAD
YOU COULD MAKE IT.

-ME TOO.
-ALL RIGHT, MOVE IT, CONNIE!

I WAS HIS BEST FRIEND FIRST.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

OKAY, SHTUBALL.

LET ME GET A LOOK AT YOU.
-DAD!

SORRY, I JUST CAN'T BELIEVE

MY LITTLE BOY'S
GROWING UP SO QUICKLY.

SEEMS LIKE JUST YESTERDAY
YOU WERE A BABY,

AND NOW YOU'RE TURNING
14 YEARS OLD.
[ PBHT! ]

STEVEN, YOU'RE 14?!

YEAH?

BUT I'M ONLY 12 3/4!

YOU'RE OLDER THAN ME?

I-I DON'T BELIEVE IT!

WELL, SURE.
CHECK IT OUT.

LET'S SEE --
WE HAVE INFANT, BABY.

TODDLER -- WHAT'S IT CALLED --
ADOLESCENT.

ADOLESCENT, ADOLESCENT,
ADOLESCENT.

WHOA, LOOKS LIKE YOU STAGNATED
THERE A LITTLE BIT, BUDDY.

MR. UNIVERSE, COULD I SHOW YOU
HOW THE DEFIBRILLATOR WORKS?

OH, UH, SURE.

BE RIGHT BACK, KIDDO.

SO, HE'S NOT
GOING TO GROW UP?

WELL,
IT'S HARD TO SAY.

HE'S A GEM, AND GEMS
DON'T REALLY GROW UP.

I MEAN, I'VE KNOWN
THE GEMS SINCE I WAS 22,

AND THEY NEVER CHANGE.

THEY JUST ARE
WHAT THEY ARE.

BUT STEVEN'S NOT LIKE THE OTHER
GEMS -- HE'S HALF HUMAN.

SO I'M NOT REALLY SURE
HOW HE'S GONNA AGE.

WE'RE JUST GONNA
HAVE TO WAIT AND SEE.

YES, RIGHT.

ARE YOU OKAY?

YEAH, YEAH.

HUMAN BEINGS?

HUMAN BEINGS.

[ GRUNTS ]

HEY, BIRTHDAY MAN,
WHATCHA DOIN'?

I WANT TO HANG UP
THIS BANNER, SO --

DUDE, IT'D BE EASIER
IF YOU JUST STRETCH ON UP HERE.

HA!
HOW'S THAT?

OH, YEAH.

COME ON,
WHAT'S THE VERDICT?

I CAN'T HOLD THIS
FOREVER.

-UH, LOOKS GREAT.
-THERE'S MY B-DAY GUY!

UH, WHAT'S UP, DAD?

WE'RE ALMOST READY
TO START.

GOT YOUR BIRTHDAY CAPE
AND CROWN READY, TOO.

HERE, PUT 'EM ON AND GO WAIT
IN THE BARN.

[ CHUCKLES ]
OKAY, NOW SIT TIGHT.

YOU'RE GONNA LOVE THIS.

♪

OKAY, STEVEN,
OPEN UP!

Together: SURPRI--

[ ALL GASP ]

-WOW.
-OH, MY.

HUH?

HM, HM, HM.

STEVEN,
ARE YOU FEELING OKAY?

HUH.
YOU LOOK GOOD, STEVEN.

[Deep voice]
OH [CHUCKLES] THANKS, GARNET.

DUDE, YOUR NECK!

OH, UH, WHAT ABOUT IT?

YOU HAVE ONE!

SO...YOU JUST GREW
ALL OF A SUDDEN?

I HAD A MAGICAL GROWTH SPURT
JUST NOW.

COOL, RIGHT?
-OH, RIGHT.

IT'S TOTALLY COOL!

ALL RIGHT, THEN.
LET'S GET THIS PARTY STARTED.

[ BLOWS ]
YEAH!

LET'S EAT
THIS COOKIE CAKE!

HERE, STEVEN.

WOW, THANKS.

OH, YOU DON'T HAVE
TO UNTIE THAT.

IT'S JUST A BOX MADE
TO LOOK

LIKE I SPENT A LOT
OF TIME WRAPPING IT.

[ LAUGHS ]

OHHH, A NEW SHIRT!

WHAT A PRETTY COLOR.
-TRY IT ON.

[ GRUNTING ]

OH, I GUESS
IT DOESN'T FIT SINCE...

NO, DON'T WORRY --
IT FITS FINE JUST LIKE THIS.

[ LAUGHS ]

[ GRUNTS ]
-HERE IT COMES!

I GOT IT, PEARL!
[ GRUNTS ]

Pearl: NICE, CONNIE.

YE-AH!

IF YOU HIT IT,
YOU GET IT.

NO WORRIES.
I'LL GRAB IT!

HUP!

HM...

CONNIE, LET ME.
HM!

OH, COOL.
THANKS, STEVEN.

HM!
NO PROBLEM, CONNIE.

Amethyst: YO, BRING BACK
THAT SHUTTLECOCK!

HUH?

[ GROANING ]

[ GASPS ]
OH, NO!

[ GRUNTING ]

[ BREATHING HEAVILY ]

WHEW!

[ UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYS ]

UGH!

THIS ONE GOES OUT
TO THE BIRTHDAY BOY,

AND HIS BEST FRIEND.

[ SLOW MUSIC PLAYS ]

[ BOTH GIGGLE ]

I STILL CAN'T BELIEVE ALL THIS
TIME YOU WERE OLDER THAN ME.

YOU SHOULD SNEAK ME
INTO A PG-13 MOVIE SOMETIME.

OH, YEAH.

HEH...HEH, HEH...

[ CHUCKLES ]
NO, I'M JUST KIDDING.

I WOULD NEVER ASK YOU
TO BREAK THE LAW.

IT'S FUNNY THAT I HAVE TO LOOK
UP AT YOU NOW, THOUGH.

FUNNY GOOD
OR F-FUNNY BAD?

FUNNY GOOD.

AW,
STEVEN'S HAVING FUN.

WE KNOW HOW
TO THROW A PARTY.

[ CLEARS THROAT ]
EXCUSE ME FOR A MOMENT, CONNIE.

I'M GONNA GO...
FRESHEN UP.

BE RIGHT BACK.

[ PANTING ]

[ WARBLING ]

[ Normal voice ]
OH, GEEZ!

IF I CAN JUST KEEP THIS UP
FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE,

NO ONE WILL SUSPECT A TH--

[ PIÑATA CREAKING ]

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

WHA-- WHA-- WELL, WHAT ARE...

[Deep voice] YOU DOING?
WHAT ARE YOU DOING
TO YOUR BODY?

WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, HAVE YOU
BEEN STRETCHING YOURSELF
OUT ALL DAY?!

NO, I WAS JUST...
SLOUCHING.

WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS?

IT REALLY
ISN'T LIKE YOU.

BECAUSE, DAD,
I CAN'T STAY A KID FOREVER.

WHEN CONNIE GROWS UP
AND BECOMES PRESIDENT,

WHAT IS THAT
GONNA MAKE ME, FIRST BOY?!

STEVEN, YOU CAN'T
JUST KEEP STRETCHING FOREVER.

IF YOU HOLD IT TOO LONG,
YOU COULD REALLY HURT YOURSELF.

YEAH, WELL,
I'M HALF HUMAN,

SO MAYBE IT WORKS
DIFFERENT FOR ME.

WE'LL JUST HAVE TO WAIT
AND SEE, RIGHT?

[ SIGHS ] STEVEN...

THAT ONE'S
CANIS HELICOPTERUS.

[ Stifled ]
UH, UH, HELICOPTERUS?

YEAH, DOGCOPTER!
GET IT?

NOW YOU MAKE ONE UP.

MM...OKAY, UM...
[ CLEARS THROAT ]

THAT ONE'S,
UH...SNAKE CONSTELLATION.

THAT'S PRETTY GOOD.

ARE YOU OKAY?

IT LOOKS LIKE
YOU'RE GONNA THROW UP.

OH, YEAH.
E-EVERYTHING'S FINE.

OKAY, THAT'S GOOD.

YOU KNOW, TO BE HONEST,
I-I WAS A LITTLE WORRIED BEFORE.

THIS MIGHT SOUND SILLY,
BUT I'M REALLY GLAD

THAT I'M GOING TO GET
TO GROW UP WITH YOU.

[ WARBLING ]

STEVEN?

STEVEN, WHAT'S GOING ON?
WHAT HAPPENED?

[ Baby voice ] WHAT?

UH...

[ CRYING ]

WE WERE JUST TALKING,
THEN ALL OF A SUDDEN --

HE TURNED BACK
INTO A BABY?!

-YES!
-DUDE, I TOLD YOU!

STRETCHING YOUR BODY OUT FOR
THAT LONG IS NOT GOOD FOR YOU.

[ BABBLING ]

HERE YOU GO, PEARL.

OH, NO, NO,
DON'T GIVE HIM TO ME.

HAND HIM OVER, AMETHYST.

[ STEVEN CRYING ]
HERE YOU GO.

MEH, MEH, MEH,
BLAH!

UH...

[ CRYING ]

MY POWER MEANS NOTHING
TO AN INFANT.

OKAY,
THIS IS MY DEPARTMENT.

WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO?

DON'T WORRY, I GOT THIS.

[ CRYING ]
[ MARACA SHAKING ]

HOW CAN THE GEMS
NOT KNOW WHAT TO DO?

YOU THINK THEY KNEW THE FIRST
THING ABOUT RAISING A BABY?

THAT WAS ALL ME,
BUT I DON'T GET IT.

DRIVING ALWAYS USED
TO CALM HIM DOWN.

BUT HOW DO WE
CHANGE HIM BACK?!
I DON'T KNOW.

LOOK, CONNIE,
LET ME TAKE YOU HOME.

I-I'LL CALL YOU WHEN
THIS ALL GETS SORTED OUT.

[ BABBLING ]

W-WAIT, NO.

I WANT TO STAY.

-ARE YOU SURE?
-YEAH.

I JUST WANT TO BE THERE
FOR STEVEN.

DON'T WORRY, STEVEN.

IT DOESN'T MATTER TO ME
WHAT AGE IT SEEMS LIKE YOU ARE.

I WANT TO HANG OUT WITH YOU
NO MATTER WHAT.

YOUR DAD STILL
HAS TO RUN HIS CAR WASH,

AND THE GEMS
HAVE TO DO GEM STUFF,

SO I'LL WATCH YOU
WHEN THEY'RE NOT AROUND.

I CAN COME SEE YOU AFTER I'M
DONE TRAINING WITH PEARL, TOO!

DOESN'T THAT SOUND FUN?
[ BABBLES ]

Greg: LOOK AT THAT --
HE FINALLY STOPPED CRYING.

WELL, THAT'S A START.

-AHEM!
-WHAT'S UP, AMETHYST?

BABY STEVEN NEEDS CHANGING.

OH, MY GOSH.
OHHH, MY GOSH!

DID HE GET EVEN SMALLER?
STEVEN'S MICROSCOPIC!

HE'S REVERTED BACK TO A ZYGOTE!

EVERYONE, STEVEN IS --

[ Normal voice ]
LOOK, IT FITS NOW.

YOU'RE BACK TO NORMAL!

SORRY
THIS WAS A DISASTER.

I WANTED TO LOOK OLDER
FOR YOU.

THAT DOESN'T MATTER.

I HEARD WHAT YOU SAID
IN THE VAN.

IT'S REALLY OKAY
IF I DON'T AGE LIKE A HUMAN?

OF COURSE IT IS!

I LIKE YOU
JUST THE WAY YOU ARE.

[ Muffled ] OH, OKAY!

UH, STEVEN, YOU'VE GOT
SOMETHING ON YOUR CHEEK.

HUH?

[ GASPS ]
ITS A FACIAL HAIR!

-REALLY?
-DAD!

-WHAT IS IT, LITTLE MAN?
-LOOK AT THIS!

HOLY SMOKES,
YOU'RE GROWING A BEARD!

YOU REALLY ARE
GETTING OLDER!

EVERYBODY,
LOOK AT THIS!

UNBELIEVABLE.

VERY IMPRESSIVE.

IS THERE MORE
WHERE THAT CAME FROM?

[ LAUGHTER ]
[ GIGGLES ]