Steven Universe (2013–…): Season 1, Episode 21 - Joking Victim - full transcript
After Lars fakes an injury to get out of work, Steven and Sadie plot revenge with a little help from Amythest.
♪ We are the Crystal Gems ♪
♪ we'll always save the day ♪
♪ and if you think we can't ♪
♪ we'll always find a way ♪
- # that's why the people #
- # of this world #
- # believe in... #
- # Garnet #
- # Amethyst #
- # and Pearl #
♪ And Steven! ♪
1x21 - "Joking Victim"
Hey, Steven! Do you
want to try some special,
- new french fries?
- Do I?!
- Hooooot!
- They're "special"
because they're seasoned with fire salt!
Steven, what are you ...
Ow!
Sowwy, Lars.
Ugh. Steven, who do you think
has to clean up this mess?
- Sadie, clean up this mess.
- No way! It's your turn!
- I cleaned the last five Stevens!
- Aw, come on!
That fall messed up my back!
It hurts really bad.
Fine. Move aside. I'll take care of this.
Can you grab the soap?
Ohh! It hurts so much!
Maybe you should take the day off.
- Okay! You gonna be fine on your own?
- Well, I guess so, but...
- You're the best, player 2!
- Aww.
- Uh, I can't run this place by myself!
- I could help!
This place has given me
so many delicious donuts.
- It's time I gave back.
- I hereby deputize you as "Lars for the day."
- Now, it's time I showed you the employee room.
- Whoa.
This is the most magical
place I've ever seen!
Let me give you the tour.
These are the extra supplies,
cups, plastic silverware.
Sometimes I sleep on the napkins
- when I get tired.
- Is that why they're called nap-kins?
Not really, no. Good joke, though.
On breaks, we chill out
here. We can even watch tv!
Sometimes, Lars will cover for
me so I can watch "canine court."
And now, most important of
all, this is where we store the donuts.
They're mailed in from some
corporate bake-station.
- You mean you don't make them here?
- No, not since... the accident.
Now, Steven, this job is a big
responsibility, so you're gonna
- have to watch this videotape.
- What is it?
It's like a dvd shaped
like a box, and it'll tell you
everything you need to know.
Mr. Smiley used to work here?
No, but he used to
be an actor/R&B singer.
♪ Donuts at the big donut ♪
♪ they make the world go round, ♪
♪ A treat when you are down ♪
♪ Donuts ... Wow! ...
at the big donut ... Bam! ♪
♪ dunk them in coffee or tea,
napkins are always free ♪
♪ now, if a customer chokes on a donut ♪
♪ that ain't right. ♪
♪ state law requires that you assist them ♪
♪ help 'em out, now. ♪
♪ take both hands, push
below the diaphragm ♪
♪ get them happy and
breathing as fast as you can ♪
♪ That's the law. ♪
♪ in the event of a fire ♪
♪ don't panic. Stay calm. ♪
♪ there is a fire extinguisher
against the back wall ♪
♪ there is a 6% sales
tax on edible goods ♪
♪ 'cause tax exemption is
for non-prepared foods ♪
♪ ...in coffee or tea,
napkins are always free ♪
♪ free, free ♪
That was great! Are
all videotapes that informative?
In my experience, yeah.
It started out as just a summer
job, but that was two summers ago.
Hmm. I'll have a...
- # Donuts, at the big donut #
- Hey!
♪ they make the world go round ♪
Wow. I can't believe you used
- to be a real actor/R&B singer.
- "Used to be"?
- Kids, they don't know anything.
- Wow, I'm impressed!
Last time
someone mentioned that
song, we couldn't get
Mr. Smiley to go home.
♪ to perk up, you gotta percolate ♪
♪ a hot cup of coffee
makes the perfect date ♪
Aww, thanks!
Maybe I should phone up Lars,
tell him he can stay home 'cause
I found his replacement!
- Really?!
- Oh. No, th-that was a joke.
I know we both love Lars...
but this job is the best
thing that's ever happened to
- me, and we should fire Lars.
- We can't "fire Lars."
- Why not?
- Well, you know, I mean, he
may do things like come
in late and leave all the
really hard work for me,
but ... look, I like Lars!
He ... he's a nice guy...
Once you get to know him.
There was this one time ... the new
"army of war" game was coming out.
But Lars was banned from the
only place selling it.
He wanted it so bad!
So who does he beg to stand
in line for seven hours?
Me!
I didn't think much of it.
When I got to his house, I
saw he cleaned up his room
a little, and he got a
big box of oyster crackers.
They're my favorite.
He let me be his "player 2," and
- we spent the whole night together.
- That really is nice.
- Must've been one great video game!
- Yeah, it was.
Maybe we could do
something nice for Lars.
♪ Donuts, d-d-donuts ♪
♪ donuts, donuts, donuts,
donuts, donuts, donuts ♪
I-I thought you wanted
this to be a surprise!
He would hear us a mile away!
But the donut
fever's fried my soul! Huh?
Aw, he already ordered pizza!
Huh?
- Do a flip!
- Oh, yeah!
Hey, Lars, thanks for inviting us over.
It's no problem...
'cause I got the whole day off
by faking a severe back injury!
Ugh! He was
faking this whole ...
Uh, don't worry!
We can handle the big donut!
Who needs crummy, old Lars?
Steven, he's made a fool of me!
Idiot!
He's burned me before.
Just once, I'd like to burn him back!
I know how to burn people!
Wait right here. Actually,
this might take a while.
You'd better go home.
See you tomorrow at wo-o-o-rk!
- Fire salt!
- Huh?
Burn! Burn people!
You know we can't add
anything to the donuts!
It's just a little fire salt.
I was going to prank Lars.
He did really hurt my
feelings... a little.
But what kind of person does that
make you if you try to hurt him back?
A... hero?
My back! Sadie, I
finally got out of bed,
but I don't think I
can work today either.
Sadie, don't make me walk
all the way to the break room!
Sadie...
This is gonna be so funny!
Yo, Sadie, where you at?
Are you slacking off?
- Lars.
- Hi, Lars!
- Why is Steven in a donut suit?
- Don't worry about that.
- How's your back?
- Uh, actually, it still hurts like ...
- Really.
- No, no, it's cool. I know I can
- count on you to help, "P" 2.
- Sure. Just relax. In fact...
- Why don't you have a donut?
- Yeah, all right.
Careful. It's a little hot.
Hey, this is pretty good.
This a new flavor or something?
She said ... she said it's hot!
- Steven, help Lars!
- Uh, Lars, drink this!
No! Lars, come back!
- Steven, I didn't want this!
- I know how to fix this!
We just need to get Lars to calm down.
How are we gonna find him?!
I think he went this way!
And of the many
treasures in our wonderful
city, this is certainly
one of the sweetest.
As mayor, I'm proud to unveil this ...
the largest bowl of ice
cream in Beach County!
Yes, let's all scream... for ice cream.
Yeah. It melted, Gary!
Well, you should have said
that at the meeting!
- Amethyst!
- Hey, why's donut guy breathing fire?
I tried to prank Lars,
but I used too much fire salt!
Steven...
That's hilarious.
You... did... this... to me?
It wasn't Steven!
- It was me.
- Oh, now it's gettin' good!
After all I do for you,
you lie to me so you can sneak off
- with some other girl?!
- And other boys!
That night we played
video games, I don't know what it
meant to you, but ever since
then, I can't get the thought out
of my head that you're a good person.
That night I really thought ...
"player 2" ... is that just your
way of saying I could
- have been anyone?
- Sadi...
♪ if a customer chokes on a donut ♪
♪ state law requires
that you assist them ♪
♪ take both hands, push
below the diaphragm ♪
Another day saved
by Steven Universe, with the
bonus musical stylings of
Harold Smiley. You're welcome!
- I'm not apologizing.
- Uh, no! I want to help!
- But I get it if you want to be alone.
- Oh, no, no, no! Stay.
I-I mean, you can help. But
first, let's get you some
water, and maybe get you
out of those burnt shirts.
Hey, we make a pretty great team.
You were absolutely
no help whatsoever.
Eh.
♪ we'll always save the day ♪
♪ and if you think we can't ♪
♪ we'll always find a way ♪
- # that's why the people #
- # of this world #
- # believe in... #
- # Garnet #
- # Amethyst #
- # and Pearl #
♪ And Steven! ♪
1x21 - "Joking Victim"
Hey, Steven! Do you
want to try some special,
- new french fries?
- Do I?!
- Hooooot!
- They're "special"
because they're seasoned with fire salt!
Steven, what are you ...
Ow!
Sowwy, Lars.
Ugh. Steven, who do you think
has to clean up this mess?
- Sadie, clean up this mess.
- No way! It's your turn!
- I cleaned the last five Stevens!
- Aw, come on!
That fall messed up my back!
It hurts really bad.
Fine. Move aside. I'll take care of this.
Can you grab the soap?
Ohh! It hurts so much!
Maybe you should take the day off.
- Okay! You gonna be fine on your own?
- Well, I guess so, but...
- You're the best, player 2!
- Aww.
- Uh, I can't run this place by myself!
- I could help!
This place has given me
so many delicious donuts.
- It's time I gave back.
- I hereby deputize you as "Lars for the day."
- Now, it's time I showed you the employee room.
- Whoa.
This is the most magical
place I've ever seen!
Let me give you the tour.
These are the extra supplies,
cups, plastic silverware.
Sometimes I sleep on the napkins
- when I get tired.
- Is that why they're called nap-kins?
Not really, no. Good joke, though.
On breaks, we chill out
here. We can even watch tv!
Sometimes, Lars will cover for
me so I can watch "canine court."
And now, most important of
all, this is where we store the donuts.
They're mailed in from some
corporate bake-station.
- You mean you don't make them here?
- No, not since... the accident.
Now, Steven, this job is a big
responsibility, so you're gonna
- have to watch this videotape.
- What is it?
It's like a dvd shaped
like a box, and it'll tell you
everything you need to know.
Mr. Smiley used to work here?
No, but he used to
be an actor/R&B singer.
♪ Donuts at the big donut ♪
♪ they make the world go round, ♪
♪ A treat when you are down ♪
♪ Donuts ... Wow! ...
at the big donut ... Bam! ♪
♪ dunk them in coffee or tea,
napkins are always free ♪
♪ now, if a customer chokes on a donut ♪
♪ that ain't right. ♪
♪ state law requires that you assist them ♪
♪ help 'em out, now. ♪
♪ take both hands, push
below the diaphragm ♪
♪ get them happy and
breathing as fast as you can ♪
♪ That's the law. ♪
♪ in the event of a fire ♪
♪ don't panic. Stay calm. ♪
♪ there is a fire extinguisher
against the back wall ♪
♪ there is a 6% sales
tax on edible goods ♪
♪ 'cause tax exemption is
for non-prepared foods ♪
♪ ...in coffee or tea,
napkins are always free ♪
♪ free, free ♪
That was great! Are
all videotapes that informative?
In my experience, yeah.
It started out as just a summer
job, but that was two summers ago.
Hmm. I'll have a...
- # Donuts, at the big donut #
- Hey!
♪ they make the world go round ♪
Wow. I can't believe you used
- to be a real actor/R&B singer.
- "Used to be"?
- Kids, they don't know anything.
- Wow, I'm impressed!
Last time
someone mentioned that
song, we couldn't get
Mr. Smiley to go home.
♪ to perk up, you gotta percolate ♪
♪ a hot cup of coffee
makes the perfect date ♪
Aww, thanks!
Maybe I should phone up Lars,
tell him he can stay home 'cause
I found his replacement!
- Really?!
- Oh. No, th-that was a joke.
I know we both love Lars...
but this job is the best
thing that's ever happened to
- me, and we should fire Lars.
- We can't "fire Lars."
- Why not?
- Well, you know, I mean, he
may do things like come
in late and leave all the
really hard work for me,
but ... look, I like Lars!
He ... he's a nice guy...
Once you get to know him.
There was this one time ... the new
"army of war" game was coming out.
But Lars was banned from the
only place selling it.
He wanted it so bad!
So who does he beg to stand
in line for seven hours?
Me!
I didn't think much of it.
When I got to his house, I
saw he cleaned up his room
a little, and he got a
big box of oyster crackers.
They're my favorite.
He let me be his "player 2," and
- we spent the whole night together.
- That really is nice.
- Must've been one great video game!
- Yeah, it was.
Maybe we could do
something nice for Lars.
♪ Donuts, d-d-donuts ♪
♪ donuts, donuts, donuts,
donuts, donuts, donuts ♪
I-I thought you wanted
this to be a surprise!
He would hear us a mile away!
But the donut
fever's fried my soul! Huh?
Aw, he already ordered pizza!
Huh?
- Do a flip!
- Oh, yeah!
Hey, Lars, thanks for inviting us over.
It's no problem...
'cause I got the whole day off
by faking a severe back injury!
Ugh! He was
faking this whole ...
Uh, don't worry!
We can handle the big donut!
Who needs crummy, old Lars?
Steven, he's made a fool of me!
Idiot!
He's burned me before.
Just once, I'd like to burn him back!
I know how to burn people!
Wait right here. Actually,
this might take a while.
You'd better go home.
See you tomorrow at wo-o-o-rk!
- Fire salt!
- Huh?
Burn! Burn people!
You know we can't add
anything to the donuts!
It's just a little fire salt.
I was going to prank Lars.
He did really hurt my
feelings... a little.
But what kind of person does that
make you if you try to hurt him back?
A... hero?
My back! Sadie, I
finally got out of bed,
but I don't think I
can work today either.
Sadie, don't make me walk
all the way to the break room!
Sadie...
This is gonna be so funny!
Yo, Sadie, where you at?
Are you slacking off?
- Lars.
- Hi, Lars!
- Why is Steven in a donut suit?
- Don't worry about that.
- How's your back?
- Uh, actually, it still hurts like ...
- Really.
- No, no, it's cool. I know I can
- count on you to help, "P" 2.
- Sure. Just relax. In fact...
- Why don't you have a donut?
- Yeah, all right.
Careful. It's a little hot.
Hey, this is pretty good.
This a new flavor or something?
She said ... she said it's hot!
- Steven, help Lars!
- Uh, Lars, drink this!
No! Lars, come back!
- Steven, I didn't want this!
- I know how to fix this!
We just need to get Lars to calm down.
How are we gonna find him?!
I think he went this way!
And of the many
treasures in our wonderful
city, this is certainly
one of the sweetest.
As mayor, I'm proud to unveil this ...
the largest bowl of ice
cream in Beach County!
Yes, let's all scream... for ice cream.
Yeah. It melted, Gary!
Well, you should have said
that at the meeting!
- Amethyst!
- Hey, why's donut guy breathing fire?
I tried to prank Lars,
but I used too much fire salt!
Steven...
That's hilarious.
You... did... this... to me?
It wasn't Steven!
- It was me.
- Oh, now it's gettin' good!
After all I do for you,
you lie to me so you can sneak off
- with some other girl?!
- And other boys!
That night we played
video games, I don't know what it
meant to you, but ever since
then, I can't get the thought out
of my head that you're a good person.
That night I really thought ...
"player 2" ... is that just your
way of saying I could
- have been anyone?
- Sadi...
♪ if a customer chokes on a donut ♪
♪ state law requires
that you assist them ♪
♪ take both hands, push
below the diaphragm ♪
Another day saved
by Steven Universe, with the
bonus musical stylings of
Harold Smiley. You're welcome!
- I'm not apologizing.
- Uh, no! I want to help!
- But I get it if you want to be alone.
- Oh, no, no, no! Stay.
I-I mean, you can help. But
first, let's get you some
water, and maybe get you
out of those burnt shirts.
Hey, we make a pretty great team.
You were absolutely
no help whatsoever.
Eh.