Step by Step (1991–1998): Season 7, Episode 19 - Movin' on Up - full transcript

[instrumental music]

Okay, I got ya.
Thanks a lot. Okay, bye.

Everybody, I have got
some fantasticnews.

Home Depot is going into
men's fashions?

I wish.

Nope, this is something
completely different.

I was just on the phone
with Barney Daley

the guy
I built those houses for.

Oh, yeah,
those big houses on the lake?

That's right,
well, apparently

I saved him so much money



by coming in ahead of schedule
and under budget

that he has volunteered to
finance one of the model homes

and sell it to me
for builder's cost.

Oh, dad,
that will be great for us!

"Us?" You know what this will do
for my social life?

I'm already thin and beautiful

and, and now,
people will think I'm rich.

Are we really going to move?

Well, if mommy really wants to.

Of course,
we'd have to sell this house

but it's the opportunity
of a lifetime.

- Let's go for it!
- Alright.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Back up the moving van.



I'm not sure
I wanna go anywhere.

I mean, I love this old house.

Carol, when I had to replace

the hot water tank last week

you called it
a money-sucking pit.

Yeah, but it's
ourmoney-sucking pit.

I mean, the kids grew up here.

This was
our first home together.

This isn't just bricks
and mortar.

This house is like
a member of the family.

Did I fail to mention the master
suite has a fireplace in it?

Well, I suppose a new house

could become
a member of the family.

[laughing]

[theme song]

♪ Step by step ♪

♪ Day by day ♪♪ Day by day ♪

♪ A fresh start over ♪

♪ A different hand to play ♪

♪ The deeper we fall ♪

♪ The stronger we stay ♪

♪ We'll make it better ♪

♪ The second time around ♪♪

[instrumental music]

Oh, I'm sorry, Mrs. Flynn.

Yeah, well,
I'll talk to Lilly about it

when she gets home from school.

Okay. Bye, bye.

Ah, that was Lilly's teacher,
Mrs. Flynn.

Lilly got in trouble
at school today.

During recess, she threw
the ball up on the roof.

[chuckles]
Cool!

You gonna bust her butt
when she walks in?

Oh, I won't have to do that.
I know my daughter.

I mean, she'll tell me
all about it when she comes in.

[door opens]

[gasps]

Hi, mommy. Bye, mommy.

[Carol]
'Freeze!'

Lilly. Come here.

Mrs. Flynn told me
what you did at recess today.

Well, the other kids
wouldn't pass me the ball.

So I showed them.

That is no way to handle
a problem with your friends.

So, I want you
to go up to your room

and think about it.

For how long?

Until you can figure out

what the right thing to do
would have been.

[sighs]

I know.

I could've punched
their lights out.

Keep thinking.

[sighs]
I'm worried about her.

She's never
acted like that before.

Carol, relax.

It's probably just more of
these Lambert genes coming out.

Carol, we all went
a little postal at Lilly's age.

I mean, at my seventh birthday
party I broke the pinata.

Well, you're supposed
to do that.

Yeah, but not over
Bobby Preston's head.

[instrumental music]

Frank, this house is incredible!

[inhales deeply]
Ah, beautiful skylines,
intercoms in every room

and.. Argh!
These custom cabinets..

Yeah, well,
you ain't seen nothin' yet.

- Ah.
- Watch this.

[automated message]
'The dishwasher is empty.'

[laughs]

Talking appliances?

I feel like
we're on "The Jetsons."

[laughing]

Dad, dad,
this house is totally cool!

I mean, the backyard
looks like a park!

You can see the lake
from the family room.

Not only that,
this house has solar panels

low-floor toilets,
a trash compactor

and built-in recycling bins.

If every house was built like
this, we could save the planet.

Forget the planet.

There is a lighted
three-way mirror

in my bathroom.

Now I can look at myself
looking at myself

looking at myself!

Gee, we're talking
hours of entertainment.

Well, you three certainly
seem to be impressed, huh?

Yeah, yeah. Well, Lilly,
do you like the new house?

No.

[intercom beeps]

[J.T. on intercom]
'J.T. Lambert to Mission
Control. Do you read me?'

- Loud and clear, Spaceball.
- 'Man, this place is awesome!'

[J.T.]
'I mean, a bathroom
with a Jacuzzi tub'

'and a steam shower.'

Uh, where is Rich?

[flushing]

[Rich]
'Hi, honey. The water is blue!'

[J.T.]
'I think
this suite will work out'

'just fine for Rich and me.'

Hey, wait a minute there, pal.

You are in the master suite

and I am the master.

If you and Rich
plan on livin' here

there's a very nice
little storage room

in the attic that I think
will suit you quite well.

[J.T.]
'Oh, man! The attic?
That's really sh..'

Boy, I wish I could do that
to him all the time.

[chuckles]

Well, honey, what do you say?

Oh, I don't know,
the house is so beautiful

but, uh, leaving our home
is such a big decision.

Oh, no, honey,
t-the girls love it, I love it.

'Come on.
What do you think, huh?'

Oh, I'm just not sure.

Ah, hey, I'll tell you what.

Let the refrigerator
decide for you, huh?

- Refrigerator?
- Yeah, yeah.

Just open it
and, uh, let it decide.

[automated message]
Carol Lambert,
you are one sexy mama.

[laughing]

I can program it
to say anything I want.

[laughs]

Oh, what the hell!

- Let's go for it.
- Yes, alright!

[laughing]

[instrumental music]

Okay, now there, you see that
big empty space in the garage?

That's where
I'm gonna put my shop.

[chuckles]

Whoopee.

So you're gonna have
plenty of room

for your glue guns
and your putty knives.

Meanwhile, you stick me,
your own flesh and blood

in a little attic storage room
where I can barely stand up.

[sighs]
Why do you care, J.T.?

The only time you do stand up

is to brush potato-chip crumbs
off yourself.

Yeah, well, uh..

I wanna thank you
for, uh, thinkin' about me, dad.

By the way, when you're old,
you're going right into a home.

...room here.

Oh, look at all these

beautiful hardwood
moldings, huh?

I mean, you don't see
craftsmanship like this

in houses anymore.

Ah, Cathie, Howard,
this is my husband, Frank.

- Oh. Alright. Cathie, hi.
- How are you?

Frank, your house
is just loaded with potential.

Yes. So is it
a, a good neighborhood?

Oh, it's terrific.
It's very quiet. It's..

Well, except
when Lars Lundergarden

and his family
have their big reunion.

[chuckles]
Then they all get tanked up

strip naked and jump
right in the snow bank.

A strange family,
but every Christmas

Mrs. Lundergarden brings us
a big pot of Swedish meatballs.

- Oh, yeah.
- Well, uh, that's very nice.

But, uh, uh, we don't, uh,
eat meat. We're vegans.

- Hm.
- Oh, hey, no problem there.

Because we've got
some Catholics next door

and some Jews
right across the street.

Bu-bu-but
don't-don't worry about it.

I mean, they're not gonna jump
in the snow naked or anything.

And that's a shame too,
'cause that Mrs. Rosenfarm's

a good-lookin' woman.

[no audio]

- Well..
- Well, uh..

Thank you, uh,
very much for, uh

for letting us see your house

and, uh,
we're very interested.

- Oh.
- I'll be right with you.

They love the place.

I think they're gonna
write an offer today.

- Cool!
- Oh, hello.

[chuckles]

- Oh, honey!
- Yeah.

Mommy, daddy,
who were those people?

Oh, those are the people
that are probably gonna

buy our house, come on,
let's go call Barney

and tell him
we're takin' the new one.

I can't believe it

we're actually gonna move.

[chuckling]

[sighs]
You don't wanna move
to that stupid house.

Do you, Mr. Buttons?

I don't either.

[instrumental music]

[instrumental music]

Lilly, it is not okay
to throw paint on someone

just because they won't let you
use their crayons.

- Then when is it okay?
- Never!

And it's not okay to throw
a ball on the roof either.

Mom, ahem,
let me try and talk to her.

I had two semesters
of child psychology

and I'm good with children.

Oh, that must be true.
She is dating Rich.

Fine. Be my guest.

Lilly, um,
I know that sometimes

it's hard to talk to grown-ups

but I don't want you
to think of me

as your big sister Dana.

Think of me
as your little friend Bootsy.

[imitates Bootsy]
Lilly, it makes Bootsy sad
when you do bad things.

So tell me,
why did you throw paint today?

Bite me, Bootsy.

Oh, yeah, Dana,
you're great with kids.

Lilly.

I'll go to my room
and think about it.

[laughs]
"Bite me, Bootsy."

God, I love that kid!

[instrumental music]

Honey, what do you think,
this or this?

- This?
- That one.

- Okay.
- Absolutely.

So, did you get
all the measurements you need?

Uh, almost, our contractor's

still up in the attic
making some notes.

What do you think
about the bannister?

- Lose it.
- Lose it.

Boy, I'll tell you, it's a,
it's a lot more cramped up there

than I would have thought.

Oh, and, uh, by the way

whoever put in that flooring
up there

really did a shoddy job.

That would be me.

Oh, well, there's, uh,
no need to apologize.

Nope, we're gonna rip it all out
and put in hardwood

when we, uh,
turn the attic into a loft.

Whoa, uh, uh, gee.

Um, I don't mean to tell you
what to do with your house

but there's really not
enough room up there for a loft.

Oh, there will be,
once we blow out the roof.

- Huh.
- "Blow out the roof?"

But won't that change
the whole look of the house?

We certainly hope so.

Uh, I mean, don't get me wrong,
it's very quaint

but we're just not into that

little-house-on-the-prairie
look.

- "Little house on the prairie?"
- Uh, uh, uh, t-take it easy.

It's gonna be their house,
remember?

Book cases. Howard, are you
thinking what I'm thinking?

Hm, yeah, I think
we're on the same page here.

- Lose it.
- Lose it.

Lose it? Well, I mean

these are handcrafted oak.

They were built with the house,
so it would just be a shame

to throw them all away.

- You know, she's right.
- 'Oh.'

Let's donate them
to the Salvation Army.

Ah! I smell a tax deduction.

Howie, you are such a giver.

- Let's look at the kitchen.
- Okay.

[imitates Cathie]
"Howie, you are such a giver."

Come on. Let's get in.

I'm so excited
about this kitchen.

Well, it's a real
cook's kitchen.

[chuckles]
Gosh, when I think

of all the family dinners
we've had here, oh.

Actually,
we usually get take-out

but I love the idea
of having a kitchen

that makes it look like I cook.

We're thinking of going kind
of European hi-tech, you know..

- White, white, white.
- Tsk, tsk, tsk.

Excuse me,
I-I'm kinda confused.

You know, I thought you bought
this house because you liked it

but it seems like
you're gonna change everything.

Well, we're just trying
to make it our own.

[laughs]
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And you should.

I always thought the kitchen
was a little tacky myself.

Anyways, uh, I hope
you're not planning on changing

the fabulous, income-producing
apartment next door.

I mean, I live there
and I'd love to stay.

Well, actually, we're going
to turn the apartment

into a kennel
for our Schnauzers.

That's great,
I love Schnauzers.

In fact, it might be a step up
from living with Rich.

Not for the Schnauzers.

Well, I think
that does it for us in here.

Uh, we're just gonna
stop out back real quick

and, uh, mark some of the trees
we're gonna cut down

and we'll be on our way.

Oh, Howie,
we need more post-its.

Oh, right.

Ah, gee, Frank,
this is terrible.

We have this great house
and now they're gonna gut it

and turn it into Yuppie Land.

I don't get it. Why would
anyone wanna cut down trees?

Maybe they need more post-its.

[instrumental music]

[door opens]

Carol?

Honey, what are you doin' up?

It's after one o'clock
in the morning.

Oh, I couldn't sleep, so I
came down here to start packing

and then I started looking
at these photo albums.

Look, remember
when that was taken?

Oh, yeah, I sure do.
That was Christmas.

Lilly took her first step
right by the coffee table.

Yeah. Hm.

Oh, look at this one.

J.T. and Al
opening their presents.

Ah, this house is so great
at Christmas.

Carol, this house is great
all the time.

Yeah, well, not when
the Adlers get done with it.

I know. I know.

Frank, I know this sounds crazy

but I don't want them
to be in this house.

I mean, I feel like
we're abandoning

a member of our family.

You want to know somethin'?
I feel exactly the same way.

Really? But I know how much
you love the other house.

It's bigger
and it's more modern.

Yeah, well,
this house is more...us, huh?

Hey, come on,
we have more than enough space

and the kids,
they're all gonna be gone soon.

I wouldn't count on that.

Guy can dream, can't he?

[laughs]

So, what are these drawings?

Ah! Oh, look
what Lilly's drawn here.

Oh, yeah.

It's a duck sittin'
on a microwave.

No, it's not,
it's a little blonde girl

standing in front
of a moving van and crying.

Nah. I-I still say
it's a duck.

Frank, can't you see?
It's Lilly.

She doesn't
wanna move, either.

Maybe that's why she's been
acting out in school.

I still say it's a duck.

Mommy, daddy..

Mr. Buttons and I can't sleep.

Aw, come here, sweetheart.

Aw.

- Is it 'cause we're moving?
- Maybe.

- You don't wanna move, do you?
- Not really.

Why didn't you
say something?

Well, everyone were so excited.

I didn't wanna ruin it for them.

Oh, I'm sorry, I guess
daddy and I should have asked

how you felt about it.

- That would have been nice.
- Hm.

Will you promise, next time
something is bothering you

that you'll talk
to daddy and me about it?

- I promise.
- Hm.

Alright, then that settles it.
We're not movin'.

[gasps]
Yippie!

[laughing]

But what about the Adlers,
Frank?

We have a contract.
How do we get out of it?

Uh, well, they still have to do
their final walk-through.

And this is an old house.

A lot of things could go wrong.

Frank Lambert,
I like the way you think.

Mommy, how'd you know
I didn't wanna move?

Tsk. Oh, well,
I saw this drawing of you

standing in front
of a moving van and crying.

That's not me.

That's a duck on a microwave.

[instrumental music]

Alright, now listen up,
does everybody know their jobs

for Operation Adler Flush?

- Yeah, yeah.
- Things look good.

Am I the only one who still
wants to move to the new house

with the great mirrors,
I mean, view?

Karen, it's a beautiful place

but we've all agreed
that this is our home!

Yeah, come on, besides, I mean,
Lilly really wants to stay.

- It'll mean a lot to her.
- It'll mean a lot to me, too.

I won't have to choose
between living in an attic

or under an overpass.

They're here.
They're coming around the back.

Man your post,
man your post, here we go.

- Oh, I hope this works.
- You and me both.

Ooh. Okay.

[clears throat]
Now.

- Oh, hi! Come in.
- Hi.

Ready for your final
walk-through?

- You bet.
- Well, so are we.

So just make yourself at home.

As they say, mi casa,
uh, uh, is..

- Su casa.
- Su casa.

[laughing]
So just have a look.

Look at whatever you want to,
just look at everything.

- Um, is that faucet leaking?
- Yeah.

No! No, no, we-we probably
didn't turn it off all the way.

That's it. Yeah.

[screaming]

Oh-oh, my goodness.

Ah, you know what,
let me show you

where the shut-off valve is.

- No, no, no.
- No, no, no problem.

Right over here..

'Get down here, you gotta
turn it with your hands'

and then it comes off,
there you go.

Oh, my God.
I think we got it. Whoo!

Well, that was a wet one,
wasn't it?

I must not have put it on
real tight

when I replaced the faucet.

Well, that's, that's okay,
it's, uh, no harm done.

We're gonna replace
all the fixtures, anyway.

Ah, well, there you go.

[sighs]
Frank.

The upstairs toilets
are backed up again.

Mark, we have company

so, uh, ixnay on the apcre.

Uh, your, uh,
your toilets back up?

Yeah, well, well, it's not
really so much the toilets

as it is the, uh, sewer line.

Boy, when those babies
get backed up

sort of like a monkey house
in a heat wave

if you know what I mean. Phew.

How often does that happen?

- Oh, once, twice, a week. Tops.
- Uh..

- Well, how, how comforting.
- Hm.

Well, look, you two are gonna be
walking around a lot

so, why don't you put yourself
on the kitchen table?

- Yeah, sure.
- Hm.

[yelps]

I barely touched it.

We're not gonna pay for that.

Well, of course not,
it's not your fault.

We just have a teeny little
problem with termites.

- Yeah.
- Termites?

Yeah, but it's no big deal,
you know?

So far they've only
gotten to the furniture.

Yeah, wow, it looks like
those babies can

chew through a table
in about two hours flat.

Yeah, but don't worry,
the rest of the house

solid as a rock.

Jesus! Well, uh, do-don't worry
about this, we can figu..

You just sort of hang
something right over there..

I have a picture of Elvis
on black velvet.

- I'll throw in--
- Oh, no. No, no, no.

- You can't just cover this up.
- Well, you could.

My gosh! Look at this.
The studs are all eaten away.

I thought you said
that the termites

didn't get to the house.

Oh, those aren't termites.

No, they're Bulgarian
wood-eating worms.

[Frank]
Yeah.

Little devils came
in a fruit basket

from South America
last Christmas.

They've been munching
on the walls ever since.

Oh, my gosh,
I-I can't understand

how the, how the contractor
missed all of this.

Yeah, yeah, well, you know..

[grunting]
But these old houses, Howard

these things kinda pop up
every now and then

but it's not gonna make you
change your mind, is it?

Uh, no, no, I-I guess not.

You're not gonna
change your mind?

[eerie howling]

What the hell is that?

We don't really know.

But rumor has it
that this house

was built on an ancient
Indian burial ground.

[eerie howling]

But we don't believe it.

Well, of course not.

But, uh, Howie, ahem,
just to be on the safe side

I wouldn't let the Schnauzers
out late at night.

We let our Sheepdog out
one night.

Next morning, all we found

was a flea collar
and a little ball of fur.

Oh!

That's it, that's it!

Termites, howling,
disappearing pets.

- I do not wanna buy this house.
- Oh, wait a minute here.

Now, we have a contract
and you can't back out.

Oh, no, no, no.
No, no.

We have a contract
that says

that this house has to pass
final inspection

by the two of us,
and frankly

this hellhole doesn't.

[Cathie]
This is the most disgusting
house I've ever seen.

[gasps]

The rats are back.

Oh, my.

[instrumental music]

And I know
that some of you are upset

that we didn't get to move

so, I wanted to
make it up to you

in my own little way.

Dana, I know this house
doesn't have a lot

of those fancy recycling things

but I thought,
maybe that you could

put this to good use.

- A can crusher?
- Oh, man, those are great.

They're way faster than
smashing them against your head.

And, Al, I know how much
you wanted to live by the lake

and since we can't,
I, uh, I got you this.

Oh, gee. Thanks, dad.

Next Christmas, I'm getting you
a picture of a shirt.

Uh, Karen, I did rig up

a, a little something
special for you.

Wow! A compact
with a three-way mirror!

Now you can look at yourself
looking at yourself..

Well, you know the rest.

[chuckles]

Well, that's nice, Frank.
You got everybody a gift.

And I saved the best 'til last.

- Yeah?
- Go open the refrigerator.

- Refrigerator?
- Yeah, go ahead.

[chuckles]

[automated message]
Carol Lambert, you're so hot

you're meltin' my ice cream.

[laughing]

- That's great, Frank.
- Well, you think that's great.

Wait till you hear
what the toaster

has to say about your buns.

[laughing]

[instrumental music]