Step by Step (1991–1998): Season 7, Episode 12 - Goin' to the Chapel - full transcript

[upbeat music]

J.T., come on. This health club
is something you really need.

It's seven in the morning.

What I really need
is three more hours of sleep

and then a Belgian waffle.

No, you don't.

Ever since
you broke up with Sam

all you've been doing
is sitting on the couch

in that smelly bathrobe
watching Jerry Springer.

This health club
is a great place for you

to meet a new girl.



Look, come here.
Let me talk to you for a second.

Look, I appreciate it, okay?
But I'm just not ready. Okay?

Sam was too special, there is
no other woman in the world

that could take Sam's place.

Hello, Betty.

Actually, it's, uh, Monica.

Uh, hi, guys.

- Hey.
- Hi.

This is my brother, J.T.

J.T., this is Monica,
our aerobics instructor.

Oh, yes, aerobics.

I love the smell of spandex
in the morning.

It's always a pleasure to meet
a physical fitness freak

like myself.



Oh, you're into
working out, too?

Oh, I don't like to brag

but I didn't get
this way from steroids.

Really? Well, then,
come take my class.

Might be fun for ya.

- Hey, babe, I'm there.
- Great. See you, guys.

J.T., trust me, man

you do not
wanna take her class.

Oh, yes, I do.

I wanna take her class
and have her children.

I'm warning you.
It is a killer.

We do aerobics every day

and we can hardly
get through it.

Hey, I am a guy, okay?

If a couple of chicks
like you could do it

how hard could it be?

[theme song]

♪ Step By Step ♪

♪ Day by day ♪♪ Day by day ♪

♪ A fresh start over ♪

♪ A different hand to play ♪

♪ The deeper we fall ♪

♪ The stronger we stay ♪

♪ We'll make it better ♪

♪ The second time around ♪♪

[theme music]

[instrumental music]

- Hi.
- Hi.

Good morning, sleepyhead.

[Rich moans]

[Dana sighs]

Hey, mornin', honey.
How'd you sleep?

Not too good. Frank, you've got
to cut your toenails.

I feel like I'm sleeping
with an otter.

Sorry. I'll do it as soon as
I get to the job site.

- Got a new set of tin snips.
- Hmm.

So, what's for breakfast,
the usual one hundred pancakes?

Uh, little less this morning.

Al and Karen dragged
J.T. to the health club.

[both laugh]

Good morning.
Beautiful day, isn't it?

Excuse me.

Excuse me, come down here.

I know it's the '90s, and I know
it's not politically correct

for a mother to ask this.

But what are you doing
coming out

of your boyfriend's apartment
at 7 o'clock in the morning

wearing nothing but a short robe
and a big smile?

Well, honey, let's not
jump to conclusions here.

I'm sure that Dana
has a very good explanation

as to why
she was down there.

- So go ahead and tell her.
- Of course, I do.

I just went in there
to get my biology book.

Jeez, I'd have come up
with something better than that.

But it's the truth.
It was absolutely innocent.

Hmm, honey, waking up
to your kiss

was the most perfect way
to start my morning.

Gee, that sounds innocent,
doesn't it?

Alright. So I kissed him.

But it wasn't a I-wanna-rock-
your-world kind of a kiss

it was more of..

...a aren't-you-adorable-

you-sleepy-little-
Winnie-the-Pooh?" kiss.

It was?

Alright, listen. I, uh, I don't
wanna be the bad guy here, okay?

But when you two
started dating

we did set down some rules,
and-and you both agreed

that while you're livin'
under this roof

there wouldn't
be any...hanky-panky.

Well, I can
guarantee you, Mr. L

my hanky has never been
anywhere near her panky.

Well, good.
Let's keep it that way, hm?

[upbeat music]

Okay, everybody.
Let's march it on now.

We're gonna do
some deep squats.

What's a deep squat?

That's what you're gonna be in
when this class is over.

Five, six, seven, eight.

Down, up. Down, up.

Down, up. Down, up.

- Good job.
- Hey, this is no problem.

What do we do,
about ten of these?

Okay, give me a hundred.

Now, double time.

Good job.

'Keep going. Keep going.'

'Don't stop.'

♪ They all say she's crazy ♪

♪ Locking rhythm
to the beat of her heart ♪

[Monica]
'Whoo! Come on, guys.'

♪ She has danced
into the danger zone ♪

- 'Yeah!'
- 'Whoo!'

[Monica]
'You feel it? Whoo-hoo!'

'Keep going. Keep going.
Good job.'

Whoo!

Whoo! Come on, guys.

'Okay, everybody.
Keep going.'

'Keep going.
That's right.'

Good job.

♪ And she's dancin' like ♪

♪ She's never danced before ♪

♪ She's a maniac ♪

♪ Maniac on the floor ♪

[Monica]
'Whoo! Whoo!'

♪ And she's dancin' like ♪

♪ She's never danced before.. ♪♪

She went pretty easy
on us today.

Oh, yeah.
Didn't even feel the burn.

Me neither.

In fact, I can't feel anything
from the waist down.

Yeah, well, you better perk up,
Hercules. Here comes Monica.

Oh! Oh, yeah.
Work it out, yeah.

Ah.

So, uh,
how'd you like my class?

Oh, nice little workout there.

Yeah, I think
I broke a sweat.

Wow, J.T.,
you're really something.

Really?

In that case, how would you

uh, like to go out
with me tomorrow?

I'd love to. I'm going
on a 35-mile mountain bike ride.

Wanna join me?

Well, I would, but see,
when I ride

I never do
less than 50, so, uh..

Great. Then 50 it is.
I'll see you tomorrow.

I'm dead meat. Dead.

[instrumental music]

[Dana]
'Rich?'

Rich?

Yes, darling.

- Oh, hello.
- Hello.

Uh, will you give me a hand
with this? My zipper's stuck.

Ooh, but of course.

Let's see here.
Hmm-mm-mm-mm.

[Dana]
'Rich, will you stop
kissing me there'

'and zip up my dress, please?'

[Rich]
'Now, don't rush me.
You know you're lovin' this.'

[chuckles]

[clears throat]

Oh, hi, mom. Uh, Rich was just
helping me zip up my dress.

Right. With his teeth?

Mom, my zipper was stuck

and Rich was the only person
here to help me.

Oh, right, so he stripped down
to his boxer shorts

to zip you up?

- Mrs. L, please.
- Oh, don't "Mrs. L" me.

You little horndog.

We just talked
about the rules

and you're
ignoring them already.

You know what,
I'm getting really tired

of these accusations.

- You know what your problem is?
- No. What is my problem?

Your problem is you think
everybody has sex on their minds

all the time
just because you and Frank

are always playing
the lonely housewife

and the lucky mailman
or plumber whatever.

It's the lucky fireman.

But what we do in our bedroom
is our own business

because we are married.

Oh, so if Rich
and I were married

then maybe you would
butt out of our lives?

- Exactly.
- Oh, well, then you know what?

Maybe we'll just get married.

Uh, Dana?

Please, you're talking
like a child.

A child?
What, you think I'm bluffing?

You think
I won't get married?

- Okay, kids, why don't we jus--
- Shut up, Rich.

This doesn't involve you.

Dana, I'm tired of this
ridiculous conversation.

From now on, just obey
the house rules. Okay?

[door slams]

That's it.
We're getting married.

Huh?

You heard me. I'm not gonna
let my mother run my life.

Now, pack a bag.
We're gonna elope.

Honey, now, calm down,
don't you think maybe

we should think
about this for a little bit?

Oh, yeah?
Think about this.

Here's a little preview
of the wedding night.

[Rich moaning]

What do you say now?

I say, you pack a bag,
I'll get the car.

[instrumental music]

"Sorry, Mrs. L."
Little twerp.

"Well, maybe we'll just
get married."

Yeah, right,
when pigs fly, Dana.

Hi, honey.
What's new?

What's new?
I'll tell you what's new.

I caught Dana
in Rich's apartment.

He was in his skivvies
and her dress was unzipped.

That's what's new.

Gee, you go off to work,
you miss everything.

Come on, Frank.
This is not funny.

I know, honey, but come on
let's not overreact, okay?

Let's just call Dana down here.

We'll have a calm, quiet

reasonable discussion with her.

Dana!

Dana!

Karen, where is Dana?

Dana who?

Dana who? Dana, your sister!

Where is she?

Um..

I'm not supposed to say.

Oh, I forgot
about the big secret.

Ah.

You know about the big secret?

Oh, come on.

Everybody knows
about the big secret.

Boy, that is weird.

Dana made me swear
not to tell you guys

that she and Rich
ran away to elope.

[gasps]

- Dana and Rich eloped?
- I thought you knew.

- We do. We do.
- We do. We do.

We know all about that.

We also know
where they went to elope.

Can you believe it?

You know, they went to the
Cheeseville Chapel of Love?

- We do now. Come on, Frank.
- Yeah.

[indistinct]

[instrumental music]

- 'Hey.'
- Hey, how's it going?

- Hey, Monica.
- Hello.

How was the, uh,
bike ride?

Oh, great.

We went 50 miles

straight up Langer Hill.

You did it in the snow?

Sure. Makes it
more challenging.

Wasn't it great, J.T.?

Didn't you feel
at one with nature?

No, but I do feel
at one with this bike seat.

[laughing]

He's so funny.
Well, I better be going.

Okay.

Hey, and I can't wait
for our date tonight.

Oh.

- See ya!
- Bye.

[screaming]
Ow!

Tough ride, J.T.?

Tough ride?
Are you kidding?

Every part of my body hurts.

My nose hurts.
My eye lashes hurt.

Even the hair on my legs hurt.

Get off the bike and go inside
and take a hot bath.

I can't.

My hands are cramped

around these handlebars.

And at least
two-thirds of the seat

is wedged up my butt!

There's an image that will
haunt me for a lifetime.

We can't just
leave him here.

Come on, let's give him a hand.

- Oh, fine.
- Oh.

Alright. Come on, buddy.

Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow,
ow, ow, ow, ow..

Oh..

Oh!

Thank you.
Feels much better.

- Yes. Oh, no!
- 'Oh!'

[groaning]

[instrumental music]

There you go.

Oh, hey there, kids.
Hi, how are ya?

Uh, welcome to the Cheeseville
Chapel of Love, uh.

I'm Justice Pruett.

Now, why don't you just, uh,
sit down and relax right here?

Oh, yeah. There you go.

Yeah. Yeah.

Ah. Uh, here's your
complimentary bouquet.

Bouquet!

Isn't this great?

Pretty soon
we'll be married.

We can do what we want,
when we want

and my mother
can't do a thing about it.

Honey, are you sure
we're doin' the right thing?

I mean...marriage
is kind of a big step.

[scoffs]
The biggest.
That's why I'm..

Well, that's why
we are doing this.

I mean, today is the day

Dana Foster declares
her independence.

What about me?

I'm declaring
your independence too.

Honey, we'll get
a cozy little place

of our own, huh?
We'll do things our way.

Yeah, but, honey,
how are we gonna pay

for that cozy little place?

No problem. While I'm in
law school, you'll get a job.

Two, if you have to.
Whatever it takes.

But we are not gonna let my
mother push us around anymore.

Two jobs? Can I get
just one and have her

push us around a little?

No!

Now, pull yourself together.

Today is the happiest day
of your life.

Because in 30 minutes,
we're gonna be

Mr. and Mrs. Dana Foster.

Oh, you know what I mean.

[instrumental music]

Ow!

Ow! Aaah!

[knock on door]

Coming.

Just a second.

I'll be there.

Oh, it's open.
Come on in.

Hi, J.T.

[groans]

How's my hunky bike guy?

Good, good.

Wow, Monica,
you look great.

Well, that's the look
I was going for.

So, what do you wanna
do tonight?

Roller disco? Bowling?

Maybe hit
the batting cage?

Aah!

Actually, I was thinking
maybe we could just, um, um..

Uh, sit and, um, talk

and-and watch TV
and, and-and sit.

And, you know,
mostly just-just sit.

Sounds fine to me.

[Rich moaning]

[shrieking]

What's your problem?

Okay, the truth is

I'm in pain.
I'm in big pain.

I lied, I don't work out.
I never work out.

I did one push-up in '92

and I was sore for a week.

Well, then, why did you pretend
to be in such great shape?

[sighs]
Because you

you're a gorgeous
aerobics instructor

in perfect condition.

And I figured the only way
a babe like you

would go out
with a pillow boy like me

was if if you thought
I was a jock.

J.T., I knew
you weren't a jock.

Really? When did you find out?

When I heard you crying
halfway up Langer Hill.

But you came here anyways?

Why?

'Cause I like you.

You're sweet.

[chuckles]
You're funny.

And I figured any guy
who is willing to ride 50 miles

uphill for me..

...is worth getting to know.

Monica,
you are pretty terrific.

I think you're
pretty terrific, too.

[instrumental music]

Both of you
bring to this union

the rich experiences
of your family..

Well, just one more couple
ahead of us.

Yep.

This is it.

The big M..

...that final walk..

...till death do us part.

Rich, this is your wedding,
not your execution.

Are you getting
cold feet?

[chuckles]
Oh, honey..

Well, maybe a little.
I mean..

Look, it's not that
I don't wanna marry you.

It's just that..

Well, honey, look around you.
We're in Cheeseville, Wisconsin.

Rich, it's not the place
that's important

it's the feelings.

Well, honey, I got to be
honest with you

this doesn't
feel right at all.

Right now, I think the only
reason you wanna do this

is to get back at your mom.

[scoffs]
That is ridiculous.

You think I would run off
and get married

just to show my control freak
of a mother

that I'm a strong,
intelligent woman

capable of making
my own decisions

and 'cause I'm sick of her

stickin' her big fat nose
in my life?

Well, nothing could be
further from the truth.

Well, as long as we're getting
married for the right reasons.

[instrumental music]

Frank, can't you drive
any faster?

Gee, honey, I'm sorry,
if I'd have known

you're in this much
of a hurry

I'd have had Alfred
fuel up the Batmobile.

Don't worry.
Just try and relax.

I can't.

I just feel like
I put this whole idea

of marriage into Dana's head
in the first place.

Oh, I'll just hate myself
if we're too late.

Carol, maybe we're rushing
to stop something

that doesn't need
to be stopped.

How could you say that?

If those two get married

it will ruin
the rest of their lives.

Uh, I don't know.
I mean, come on.

They've been sniffin' around
each other for so long.

They know they're in love

and they might be good
for one another.

Anyway, if they get married
and move out

maybe the other kids
will get the idea.

[laughs]

Just shut up
and drive, Frank.

[organ music]

And so now, by the powers
vested in me--

Stop! Stop the wedding!

You're not Dana or Rich.

No. We're Larry and Simone.

But thanks for ruining the most
special moment of our lives.

Oh. Oh, oh, gosh.
I'm so sorry.

Ple.. Don't.. Just forgive me.

And-and.. Lots of luck.

Carol, honey.

Hi, guys.

I'm, uh, guessin'
you talked to Karen.

And I'm guessing by that bouquet
that you just got married

and if you did, I'd wanna wish
you all the happiness

in the world, and we are
behind you one hundred percent.

- We didn't go through it.
- Oh, thank God! Thank God.

That would've been the
biggest mistake of your life.

Thanks a lot, Mrs. L.

- Oh.
- No, Rich.

Rich,
you know what I meant.

I mean, I love both of you.

I just felt that I overreacted
and drove you to this

and I'm really, really,
really sorry.

But you weren't the only one
who was wrong.

I was ready to marry Rich
out of spite.

So I guess I overreacted, too.

Well, now, there's a first,
two women overreacting.

[laughs]

Well, why don't we
talk this over, huh?

A-a-at the restaurant
across street?

The old Pump And Dump?

Uh, Mr. L, it's actually
The Pump And Rump.

You've never eaten there,
have you, boy?

[instrumental music]

[instrumental music]

- Help.
- Oh, my God!

J.T., what happened?

I broke up with Monica.

Jeez. Looks like
she took it kinda hard.

No, she didn't do this.

I had a little accident.

What kind of accident?

I fell off a mountain.

You fell off a mountain?

Actually, I was pretty lucky.

The paramedic said if the
scout troop hadn't been there

to break my fall,
I'd have been a goner.

[groaning]

Where are you going?

I'm gonna go change and then
run over to Weight Watchers.

Why? You don't need
to lose weight.

No, it's not that.

It's just that
after this nightmare

with Monica the hard body

I wanna find myself a nice

soft, fat chick..

...who just wants to sit at home
with me and eat.

Yeah.

Nice, soft, fat chick.