Step by Step (1991–1998): Season 6, Episode 13 - The Big Date - full transcript

J.T. and Rich take Sam and Dana to Chicago, so Carol is worried sick they will end up in hotel-rooms per couple, not gender-grouped, Frank feels confident even J.T. knows the right thing. In fact it's the girls who say it's not to be yet, to their boys' frustration... Meanwhile Al dates Drew, who she liked over the phone, but turns out to be fat as a rhino and nearly as aggressive, yet they find each-other interesting, maybe even enough to brave shallow third parties' ridicule.

Okay, who has
the sexiest smile?

Brad Pitt.
Yeah.

Definitely.
Okay, sexiest butt?

Paul Newman.

Ew.
That is gross.

He's like 80.
What are you talking about?He's old.

Okay, okay.

Who has the sexiest voice?

Drew.

Drew Carey?

No. No, no.



Yeah.

I mean, he's just funny,
and he's smart.

I don't know,
seems like such
a cool guy.

God, I'd love to go out
with a guy like that.

Yeah, me, too.

Don't get your hopes up.

Let's face it,
if a guy has a choice

between you and me,

it's a no-brainer.

Well, well, Karen,

if it's a no-brainer,
then you would definitely win.

I'm gonna go
get some more soda.

Karen, can we get
a ride home with you guys
in about an hour?

Yeah, sure.



Good, 'cause Jean-Luc
drove us down here,

and I'm not getting
back in the car with him.

Why not?

by not wearing
his contact lenses
for a week.

He's blind without them.

Man, here he comes.
Come on, come on, let's go.

Excuse me. Pardon me.

I'm terribly sorry.

I'm so sorry.
Table for one, please.

Jean-Luc, get over here.

Jean-Luc,
do you want some help?

Quiet in the kitchen!

Jean-Luc, do you want me
to drive you home?

I do not want you
to drive me home.

I have the eyes of a cat.
I'm out of here.

Hello, little fishes.

Um, Karen.

Guess who just got a date
with, pizza man.

You mean you just called him
and asked him out?

Al, that is
a clear violation

of all the accepted rules
of dating.

Yep.

Yep.

Mom, I won't be home
for dinner tonight.

Rich and I are going to
a concert with J.T. and Sam.

Okay, have fun.

It's at the House of Blues
in Chicago.

Okay, have fun.

So, since we're
gonna be out late,

Okay,
that's too much fun.

Um, don't worry.

Sam and I are gonna
share one room,

and J.T. and Rich
will be sharing the other.

Right.

Mom, look, Rich and I
don't need a hotel

to be having sex, okay?

I mean, for all you know,
we're already having sex

right here in his apartment.

No, you're not.
How do you know?

Because I had Frank install
surveillance cameras in there.

You did not.

Well, maybe I did,
and maybe I didn't.

But now you'll never
quite know for sure,
will you?

Mom, this is absurd.

Are you saying
I can't do what I want
with my own body?

No, no.

I am saying that Rich
can't do what he wants
with your body.

Mom, I'm going to Chicago.

And I assure you,
Rich isn't gonna do
anything with my body

unless I want him to.

You know, they have
surveillance cameras
in hotels, too!

Hi, Al.

Is Drew here yet?

I'm ready for our date.

What are you talking about?

Not when he sees me
dressed like this.

Karen, this is
a clear violation

of all the accepted rules
of dating.

Yep.

Out of my way!

Hi.

I'm Drew.

So, which one
of you is Al?

She is.
I'm Karen.

I'm not your date.
I just look this good
all the time.

Look, come on in.
Don't pay
any attention to her.

Don't worry about it.

As you can see,
I am no Kevin Bacon.

Actually,
more like a side of bacon.

Anyway, if you wanna call
this date off, you know...

Totally okay with me.

No.

I see.
Real do-gooder.

Moral type?

Do the fat guy a favor
and give him a mercy date.

Okay, this is not
a mercy date.

What, do you got a thing
for fat guys?

Maybe I do!

Let's go!

we are gonna go someplace
where everybody will be
able to see

you're on a date
with the fat guy.

What do you say now?
Sounds like fun!

Well, it won't be!
I can't wait!

Great!

Family meal
for four for me,

and a salad for you.

Look, maybe we got off
on the wrong foot earlier.

Try to lighten things up
a little bit?

Know any good fat jokes?

I don't like fat jokes.

Why not?
They're funny.

Okay, how 'bout this one?

I am so fat
that Amtrak

just opened up
non-stop service
between my belt loops.

Hi, Al.
Hi, Al.

Are you on a date?

Yeah, I am.

He's so big.
Looks like Shamu.

There goes your reputation.

Now everybody here knows
you're on a date with Shamu.

You know, this is
starting to get really old.

What's the matter,
are you tired of being seen
with the fat guy?

No, frankly, I am tired of
listening to the fat guy.

Hey, you can't call me "fat."

Only I can call me fat.

How 'bout I call you a jerk?

Fine.
How 'bout I call
this date over?

Fine with me.
Me, too.

And don't
worry about it.

Excuse me.

Hello, yes, is this
the maintenance department?

Um, yes, well,
my daughter, Dana Foster,

is staying at
your hotel tonight,

and, she's very
claustrophobic.

Yes, well,
if she denies being
claustrophobic,

don't listen to her
because, unfortunately,
she's a pathological liar.

No, I have not
been drinking.

Just remove the door
to her room, thank you.

Just see her
try to have sex now.

Hi, hi, honey.

Have you been standing there
especially long?

Long enough to wonder
how often I'm gonna be able

to visit you
in the home.

I admit it.
I am losing my mind.

I just don't want Dana to do
something she's not ready for.

Well, neither do I, honey,
but Dana is the one that
has to make that decision.

Now, you've done
a good job raising her.

Well, J.T.'s
down there with Sam.

Aren't you worried
about him?

Carol,

J.T. might not be
the brightest bulb
on the Christmas tree,

but I have
given him values.

And because of that,

I think I can trust him.

Anyways, what I was
leading up to is I think
it's time we had sex.

So, what do you say, Sam,
is tonight the night?

Well, you wouldn't
want me to have sex

if I didn't want to,
would you?

Are you saying you don't
wanna have sex with me?

But we're not going to.

No!

I'm sorry, J.T.

We're just not ready.

But I'm ready!
I'm really ready!

I'm not.

I get it.

Sam, don't be
worried about that.

It would be
my first time, too.

It wouldn't be
my first time.

It wouldn't?
Nope.

Third?

Well, obviously you do this,
so why not do it with me?

J.T., my boyfriend
before I met you,

I thought I was
in love with him,

and we slept together.

Then he dumped me.

What a jerk.
I can't believe somebody
would do that to you.

Yeah, I couldn't
believe it either.

I mean, we shared
this really intimate thing,

and now I'm never
gonna see this guy again.

Don't worry,
that's not gonna
happen with me.

I know you really
care about me.

And I care about you
a lot more than I cared
about him.

That's why I'm not
gonna sleep with you.

Okay, let me see
if I get this
straight here.

You love me more than
you loved this other guy,

but you slept with him,
so you're not gonna
sleep with me?

You know, I'm not
very good at math,
but this is not adding up.

J.T., the next time
I have sex,

it's going to be
with the person I spend
the rest of my life with.

Any chance that
could be with me?

I hope so.

But not tonight.

Good, I was just
beginning to feel

like I wanna be treated
like dirt again.

Look, I'm really sorry
about that.

You're... You're really
a nice person.

Nicest person that
I've met in a long time.

I mean, you didn't even act
like you were embarrassed
to be seen with me.

I wasn't.

Boy, I acted
like a real jerk.

I left you at the mall
without a ride home.

Anyway, I just wanted
to apologize.

Wait a minute.

You know, Drew,

I think you'd do
a lot better with women

if you weren't so
ticked off all the time.

I said I was sorry.
Can't we just
leave it at that?

No. No, we can't.

Here, come in.

Please, come in?

I wanna know why
you were so mean to me.

You know, the guy I talked to
on the phone was...

And seemed like someone
I wanted to get to know.

And the guy
I went out with...

Was a hostile jerk.

And I don't understand that.

What is your problem?

Look, you wouldn't
understand, okay?

So just...
Just forget it.

I wouldn't understand?

Why?

Are you so totally unique

that the rest of us
can't possibly comprehend

your deep thoughts,
is that it?

All right, you wanna know
why I act this way?

Because nobody
wants to be around me.

When I was a kid,

everybody made fun of me
because I was heavy.

A lot of times,
they didn't even wanna
play with me.

So, instead...

I'd sit at home,

Watching from the window...

And eat.

So I got fatter.

And the fatter
that I got,

the more that they would
make fun of me.

That's why I have a job

where I just answer the phone.

That way,
nobody has to look at me.

I'm sorry.

That sucks.

You know, Drew,

I am not
making fun of you.

So, why won't you
let me be your friend?

You really wanna
be my friend?

For real?

Yeah, for real.

I don't know,
I thought it might be fun
to hang out together.

In public?

Yeah, in public.

You'd actually sit
in the same row with me?

Of course.

You know,
it's still early.

Wanna go see
"Beverly Hills Ninja" with me?

Cool.

You may not know this
from looking at me,

but I am a huge
Chris Farley fan!

Was that a great show
or what?

Yeah.

Man,
I am so tired.

Alanis Morissette
is great.

Yes, absolutely.

Wow, look at the time.

We should go to bed.

These shoes
are killing me.

Honey,
by all means,

you should
get off your feet.

Let's go to bed.

Do you really think
that this is gonna work?

I don't know.

Is there any way
we could discuss it...

In bed?

Rich, come here.

Boy.

Look...

Honey, I love you.

I love you, too,
sweetie.

Enough said.
Come on!

But I just...

I don't know
if we're ready

for something like
this right now.

Come in.

Hi, I'm the night
maintenance guy.

I got this note
from the day guy

about taking the door
off your room.

I beg your pardon?

Your mother called

and wants us to take
the door off your room.

She said
you're claustrophobic.

Sorry.

My, my mother called here?

Well, I guess mental illness
runs in the family.

It also says here that
you're a pathological liar.

All right, well,
thanks for coming,

but we will not be
removing the door tonight.

Cool.
Just call extension 6-1-9
if you change your mind.

I cannot believe
that my mother thinks

she can still control me.

I mean, I'm 21 years old.

She cannot tell me
what to do.

Rich...

I'm ready.

Get in the mood.

Hot diggity!

Honey, don't go away.

I'm just gonna go
and prepare

and make this night
absolutely perfect.

Hello?
Dana, it's me.

What, calling them

and telling them
to take the door off
my room wasn't enough?

Now you wanna check in
every ten minutes, too?

No, Dana,
I called to apologize.

I've been thinking
about this all night.

but I realize
that trying to tell you

what kind of relationship
you're gonna have with
your boyfriend

is just way out of line.

Look, Mom,
I know that you mean well.

It's just that
I'm an adult now.

And I have to figure out
whether or not I'm ready
to have sex.

I know. I know.

And, Dana...

Whatever you decide,

I love you.

I love you, too.

Okay, good night, sweetie.

All right, good night.

Take me. Break me.

Honey...

I don't know
how to tell you this,

but I don't think
we should do this.

Something is missing.

Well, that's okay.
I got a pack of 36
in my suitcase.

I'll be right back.
Rich...

this isn't gonna happen.

At least I thought
they were gonna be
my lucky boxers.

And they're adorable.

But the reason
I was gonna sleep
with you tonight

is 'cause I wanted to
get back at my mom.

Well, that's okay.
Use that.

She's a bad,
bad, evil woman.

Teach her a lesson
I'll never forget.

I know that I said we were
gonna sleep together,

but I just...
I just don't think

it's the right thing
to do right now.

I can wait.

How 'bout ten minutes
from now?

Rich...
Okay, sweetie.

Of course, I...

I don't think
it's right now either.

Do you mean that?

Yeah, I do.

Let's say we go on
and meet Sam and J.T.
for coffee?

Good idea.
Good idea.

I'm really glad I decided
not to be with J.T. tonight.

I really, really think
I made the right decision.

Yeah, and I know I'm not ready
to be with Rich.

I'm really glad
J.T. understood.

I mean, I know
he was disappointed,

but he really
cares about me.

Yeah.
No, Rich was great, too.

I mean, I think
he's really okay with it.

Yeah, I think J.T.'s
okay with it, too.

Okay, walk me through this
one more time.

She loves me more than
she loved the other guy.

so she's not gonna
sleep with me.

Face it, man,

you're just too darn
lovable to sleep with.