Step by Step (1991–1998): Season 5, Episode 8 - Roadie - full transcript

Hey, guys!
Guess what!

I just landed my dream job.

Let me guess,
human crash test dummy?

Even better than that.

comin' through Milwaukee.

Christi Rose
and Petal to the Metal.

Christi Rose?

I love Christi Rose.

I have all her CDs.

And watching her music videos
makes me feel like

a hunka hunka burnin' love.



Cody, you have to
get me tickets.

Dude, you don't need tickets,
bro, I'll get you backstage.

Because I am Cody Lambert.

Roadie extraordinaire.

What's a roadie?

You get to lug around
all the big heavy equipment,

play with, like,
these really dangerous
electrical wires and...

Hey, by the end of the week,
you got burns all over hands

your hair is standin'
straight up.

You get, like,
this big old ragin' hernia.

Yeah, is showbiz glamorous
or what?

Okay.

No. Why?

What?



and I miss him.

You want the car, don't you?

-No!
-No, no, it's my turn.

Golly!

I love this thing!

Dad, I need the car.

Yeah, well,
I'm sorry, honey,

we don't have a car
for you today.

For what?

That is so selfish.

Guys, I have two words
for all of you.

Public transportation.

Yeah, Frank?
Well, I got two words for you.

Dana...

Yeah, okay, Dana,
I have two more words for you.

Frank.

No way.

but maybe the kids
have a point.

You know, maybe it's time to
think about
getting another car.

Yeah. Guys, why don't
we leave our two

most generous parents alone

so they can make
an intelligent
decision to buy us a car.

-Yes.
-Bye, guys. We love you.

-You're the best!
-Yes!

-We love you.
-Bye-bye.

Okay, Carol, I'm ready.
I'm listening.

Well, I'm just trying to say

maybe it's time to think about
getting another car.

I mean, not just for the kids,
but for us.

You know,
that way we won't have
to spend our whole weekend

chauffeuring them around.

Just make sure it's got
a big back seat...

You know, for groceries.

Okay, Frank,
let's get to the bottom line.

If the kids have a car,
they'll be gone more.

Sold.

Car! Car! Car! Car! Car!

Cody, where's Christi?

I wanna meet her so bad,
I can taste it.

Keep your underwears on,
little guy.

She'll be out in any second.

Hey, sound dude, you ready?

-Go for it, Codeman.
-Hah! This is a sound check.

Crank it up one more,
I think we got it.

-Hey, guys, what's up?
-Good evening, Ms. Rose.

-Ms. Rose, how are you?
-Cody, here comes
Christi Rose.

Man, you're gonna
love her. Ha ha.

Dudesy. Dudesy, what's up?

Hey! Dudesy!

You know, she reminds me
of someone I really like.

I just can't put
my finger on who it is.

Hey, Codeman,
how's it shakin'?

Hey, what's up? Stylin'.

-Righteous.
-Yeah.

Hey, I want you to meet
my little cousin, Mark.

Man, he's your number one fan.

Hi, Mark, nice to meet you.

You're a goddess.

You're not so bad yourself.

She touched me.

Dude.

Hey, dude, come here.

Take my little cuz, man.

Put him somewhere
nice and cool

Man.

Christi! Christi! Christi!

Christi can't be bothered
with you guys right now.

- Get out of here.
- Cool out, guys.

Man, these guys are just fans.

They don't mean no trouble.

All we wanted
was an autograph.

Yeah, I dig it.
Hey, I'll tell you what.

I promise you I'll get
you guys some autographs.

Alright? Cool. So,
I'll catch you guys outside.

-Thanks!
-Dig it.

That was really cool,
the way you handled that.

Yeah?

What? Like there's
a better job
than roadies?

Actually, I need a personal
bodyguard while I'm in town.

Bodyguard?

-Stylin'.
-Totally!

Yeah, alright.
I'm your man.

-Don't change the plan.
-Okay.

Hey, anybody got a gray one
with blue squiggles?

Go fish.

Wonder what's keeping Frank.
He called from the used car
lot over an hour ago.

Man, I hope he
didn't get cheap
and buy us a piece of junk.

I'm sure he got you
a good car.

He buys his underwear
at the supermarket.

Well, alright,
let's not call it
a car until we've actually

looked at it.

Come on.

Dad, way to go!

Yeah!

Is this a beauty or what?

- It is gorgeous.
- My God.

Frank, I knew somewhere inside
that large head of yours

there had to be one good idea.

Man, what a chick magnet!

! Don't, don't touch.

No fingerprints.
Ha ha ha!

Yeah, well, it cost
a little more than we planned

on spending, but the monthly
payments aren't that bad.

Honey, look at it.

A 1967 Mustang.

Back when I was in school,
only the coolest guys

drove that car.

-Hey, Dad, can I drive it?
-No, no!

I-I mean, I w-wanna show
everybody how it works
before you drive it.

Can I take it to the movies
this afternoon?

No. No, because
I-I want to...

go show my best friend, Phil.

But...he lives in Chicago.

Yeah, I know, but I'll be home
before dinner, okay?

When are we gonna get
to drive it?

Yeah, well, okay,
everybody get in.

Except you, J.T.

Here we go, everybody in.

Give it up one last time
for Christi Rose

and Petal to the Metal!

Thank you!
Goodnight, Milwaukee!

Looks like Milwaukee's
little fuzzy today.

Christi! Christi! Christi!

Cody, help!

-Cody!
-I'm coming, Christi.

Help is on the way.

Christi! Christi! Christi!

This way.

Christi Rose
and Petal to the Metal.

Christi.

I was just doing my,
cardiovascular workout.

And sweatin' bullets, too.
Ha ha ha!

Great Caesar's ghost!
I'm in my underwear!

I like that kid.

Yeah, he likes you too.

Although, not in a way
that's completely
healthy, I'm afraid.

Man, what a night!
I mean...

Usually, all I get to see
on the road

is the inside of a hotel room.

You make a killer tour guide.

Thanks.

Hey, you know,
it's still early.

We go down to Dave's All-Night
Bowl-A-Rama, you know.

Hey, every strike you bowl,
you get a free cheeseburger.

I bowled a 300 there one time,
nearly killed me.

Cody, I can't. I mean...

Every time I go out in public,
I get totally mobbed.

You know how it is
being a rock star.

Yeah, sure.

I remember how it was with me
and the lads

when we did "Ed Sullivan,"
back in '64.

Wait a minute, that wasn't me,
that was the Beatles.

You're really funny, Cody.

Wasn't even tryin'.

So, um, what should we do till
it's safe for me to go back

to the hotel?

Dude, I know what!

There's a "Gilligan's Island"
marathon

starting in, like,
two minutes.

Hey, let's go in the kitchen,
and get some cookie dough.

Is it peanut butter
chocolate chip?

Yeah, is there any other kind?

Cody, I gotta tell
you something.

I've never felt so right
with anyone before. I mean...

We go really well together.

We're like treble and bass.
Melody and harmony.

-The Running Cheerleaders.
-Right, right.

So, I was wondering
if you wanted to, you know,

hang out on
more of a full-time basis.

I want you to come with me
when I leave town tomorrow.

Well, like, as your bodyguard?

if we got to know
each other better.

What do you say?

Dude.

Hey, honey.

What do you say you and I go
cruise the boulevard?

Frank, how come
you're dressed like Potsie?

Because I am askin'
my best girl
down to the Frosty King

for a malted.

What do you say?

Well, I'm gonna put the
Beach Boys on the A-track

and we'll see what happens.

Honey! C-C-Carol!
H-honey, hey! Honey!

My car is missing!
Somebody stole it.

-I'm calling the cops.
-No, no, no, no.

Nobody stole it.
The kids probably took it.

The kids are driving my car?

It is not your car.
It is their car.

Although you'd never know it
'cause you never
let them drive it.

Well, I'm keeping that
car for myself,
they can have the truck.

What is it with you
and this car?

You're acting like
a crazy person.

-I am not.
-Yes, you are--

-No, I am... I am not!
-Yes, you are.

Name one crazy thing I--

Last night, in your sleep

That's a little nuts.

Okay, you're right.

Honey, when I was goin' to
school, only the coolest guys

drove cars like that Mustang.

My, my dad couldn't afford
to buy me a car like that

so, I had to borrow his.

I know it sounds silly,
but gettin' that Mustang was

kinda like, gettin' my
second chance at being cool.

Frank.

I see how important
this car is to you

but you bought it
for the kids.

You really need
to let them drive it.

To tell you the truth, there's
nothing cooler than a guy

who gets his kids something
he could never have himself.

-What a car!
-This is so me.

Man! Dad, what a car!

The chicks were practically
throwing themselves at me!

Yeah, even a dork like J.T.
can get a date
with a car like this.

Yeah, it's magical.

I mean, everyone thought
we were the coolest kids
at Port Washington.

Yeah, you really came
through for us, Frank.

Yeah, well, I tell you,
why don't we all,

go down to the Frosty King
for ice cream? Come on.

- That's a great idea.
- Guess you wanna drive?

No, no, that's your car,
and you've had your chance.

So, Dana,
why don't you drive?

-Alright.
-Okay.

-Hey, honey.
-Yeah.

If I, borrow the Mustang
from the kids

and take you to the drive-in,
you think I can get lucky?

Yeah.

I love that car!

Yeah.

"Seek advice
from the man upstairs."

-Hey, Code.
-Dudesy!

Bro, man, I gotta seek
your advice, cuz.

-What's up?
-Well, alright...

Christi's leaving town, man.

I ain't sure what to do yet,
and I've eaten all these

fortune cookies trying
to figure it out, right?

The girl is a rock star!

You stay in hotels
every night,
eat nothing but room service.

Yeah!

Well, check it out, man, look,
the girl's got a big castle

with a movie theater,
an indoor pool,
even a bowling alley.

You'd never have
to go out anywhere.

And she's got a pack
of Dobermans to keep

riff-raff like me
from gettin' in.

Who wouldn't wanna
live like that?

Well, thanks, J.T., man.

You really helped clear
things up for me.

Yeah. You're the man.

Hey, there's Christi.

Well, my work here is done.

I'm gonna go babe fishin'
in the Mustang.

See if I can catch my limit.

Yeah, yesterday
I did so well

I had to throw one back.!

Alright, Jackson.

-Hey, Cody.
-Hey. Hey, Christi,
come on in.

So...what's the word?

Are you comin' with me?
Dudesy?

You know, Christi...

But like...
I'm not comin' with you.

Why not?

I don't wanna
hurt your feelings
or nothing, you know.

It's kinda hard for me
to say, but like...

Well, your life
bites the big bean, okay?

You know? I mean, hey,
it might be cool for you

bein' a rock star
and everything, you know

never gettin' to go outside
and see people and, like...

eatin' all that nasty food
all the time

boy, that'll be like,
bein' in prison for me.

Yeah, I know what
you're saying, but...

...we're really great
for each other.

Yeah, I know, but I just can't
live like that.

Hey, I got a great idea!

Why don't you bag that big
$30 million a year contract

you got and you could
come move in
right next to me, right?

I'll get you a van.
Paint it pink.

Put a rollaway awning
on the side of it, man.

So we can have a barbecue.

That actually sounds kinda
tempting, you know, and if it

weren't for the part about
losing the $30 million

I might really go for it.

But, you know,
I like being a rock star.

I like singing,
I like making people happy.

Well, I guess it really
wouldn't work then, would it?

Well, maybe I should go back
to the hotel and pack then.

Yeah.

Bye.

Hey, Christi.

"Goodbye doesn't
mean forever."

-Hey! Dudesy!
-Dudesy!

That's it!