Step by Step (1991–1998): Season 5, Episode 3 - Party Animal - full transcript

Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Yeah.

You guys watching
a football game?

No, man, it's Baywatch!

We cheer whenever
Pamela Anderson runs.

Man, you guys gotta
get out and meet some
real women, you know.

You can't see
anything, anyway.

How you doin'? I'm Tom Flynn.

I was wondering
if I use yours?
- Dude, that guy's a crook.

No problem. Come on in.
This is Mark and that's Cody.

- How you doin'?
-Hey.

Hey.



Nice to meet you.

Nice to meet you.

-Good to see you.
-Nice to meet you.

Nice to meet you, too.

Yeah,
it's a great old house.

We really love it.

Sorry, dude. Arthritis.

If you want some privacy,
there's a phone
in the kitchen.

Go help yourself.

All right, that's it.
Call the F.B.I.!

Get the S.W.A.T. team in here!

Cody, what is the problem?

He's a jewel thief
from New York City.

Dude, he's got
a fifty thousand dollar
reward out on his head.



Cody, why would a big-time
jewel thief from New York

move to a small town
like Port Washington?

So he won't get caught. Duh!

Come on,
I want to see what he's up to.

That's right,
I'd like it shipped
to my neighbors

here in Wisconsin and
I don't want any mistakes.

I'm sure you remember what
happened to the last guy

who worked for me
who made a mistake.

That's right,
Harrison is no longer with us.

That's right. Bye.

Hey, thanks a lot.

Yeah.

I'm having a package
sent from New York.

It's a present for my wife
for her birthday party.

It's a surprise,
so I was wondering,

is it a problem
if I have it delivered here?

No problem.

You got a problem
with that, JT?

No. No problem.

-I'm sure Mark's
got no problem.
-I have no problem.

Well, listen,
when it comes,

just give me a call here
at the office.

Sure. Hey. Nice watch.

Isn't that a nice watch,
guys?

Well, I'll tell you
expensive jewelry's kind of
a weakness of mine.

I see something I like,
I gotta have it, you know?

Pow!

Pow!

Dude! Pow!

All righty, I'm all packed up
and ready to go.

And it's going to be
so great having you

move in with me
and the other girls.

Well,
I don't know, Dana.

You just seem so young to be
moving out of the house.

You're only in college.

I need my freedom.

Anyway, Mom, I'm 19.

I know. It's just that
the house won't be
the same without you.

Everybody's going to
really miss you.

Okay, let's go. Moving day.

All righty.
Ready when you are.

Okay, Dana,

Okay, let's get her pictures.

JT, you get the ones
on the wall.

I'll take them off the table.

Let's get this ugly mug
out of here.

What are you doing
with all those pictures
of Dana?

We're sanitizing
the house.

Okay, I stripped her bed.

We're gonna take
all this stuff
out to Beth's car.

Yeah, I'm gonna miss you, too.

Come on,
they didn't mean it.

Well, I guess this is it.

I just want you to know
this will always be your home.

Okay, all packed up.

How about your house key,
now, Dana?

Okay, there we go.
Nice and dry.

And now, Daddy's going
to take his little Lilly

for a choo-choo train ride.
Yeah.

All the way to her
very own bedroom.

Yeah.

And that makes Daddy
really cranky.

Choo-choo.

Frank.

What are you doing?

Well, Carol, remember
when the baby was born,

you said you wanted her
to sleep in our room
for a few weeks?

Yeah.

So, it's time for Lilly
to move into her own room.

Frank, please don't do
this to me.

I already lost one
of my babies today,

I can't bear
to lose another one.

Come on, sweetheart.

Think of it as gaining
a sex life.

Frank, can't we wait
a little longer before
we move Lilly out?

Honey, I am moving her out.

Over my dead body.

Come on, honey.

Don't turn this into a tug
of war because I'm a guy.

I am much stronger than you.

Yeah, well, I am a mother
protecting her young,

Okay.

Okay, she can
stay another week.

Package for Mr. Tom Flynn.

-Dude.
-Cody, it must be
the stolen jewels.

Yeah, you're right.

for the largest jewelry heist
of the twentieth century?

Doesn't it bother you to be
carrying illegal contraband
in your truck?

Hey, I work for
the Post Office.

Rough job.

Check it out.

I don't know, Cody.

I mean, it says
"New York Cheesecake"
right on the box.

What did you expect it
to say, "Caution:
Stolen Jewels?"

Tchyeah.

Cody's right, man.
I'll bet the loot's in there.

Well, fine,
then we should
call the police.

No can do, little buddy.

Yeah, they stopped
taking my calls

All right, then.
All right, then, it's settled.

We'll set the trap,
catch the crook,

and then we'll split
the $50,000 reward.

-Okay, I'm in.
-All right.

Cool.

Thank you very much.
Thank you. Thank you.

This is so cool that Dana
invited us to a party
at her new place.

Yeah, I know.

I mean, doesn't she usually
spend her Saturday nights

reading or complaining
about men?

You know, she's away from Mom
and living on her own.

Karen, it's been a week,
how loose can she be?

Hey, everybody. Let's party!

Well, I see it.
But I do not believe it.

Sisters. Hello!
Welcome to the party.

Hey, baby, you want Mama
to take you out
for a test drive?

What has happened to you?

Nothing. I'm just,
I'm having
a little bit of fun.

"A little bit of fun?"

Dana, any more fun,
you'll be lapdancing in Vegas.

Vegas? Cool idea. Road trip.

Dana, I don't think that's
a very good idea.

My goodness. Look at that.

My work here is done.

All right, kids,
have a good time.

Dana, have you lost your mind?

No. It's just now that
I'm away from home,

I can do anything that I want.

I'm totally free!

You wanna know how free I am?

I'm not wearing any underwear.

Dana, just a wild guess,
but, um, have you
been drinking?

I just, I had a couple
of teeny little weeny glasses
of punch.

Yeah? How many
"teeny little weeny glasses
of punch"?

Well how should I know?
I've been drinking.

Maybe, we'll get lucky
and she'll pass out.

Man. I love this tune.

No, Dana, stop!

Everybody! It is time
for the forbidden dance.

Lambada.

You, Don Juan.

Hi, honey.

Hi.

Where's the baby?

Well, you were right.

I mean it really is time
for Lilly to start sleeping
in her own room.

- Really?
- Why not?

I mean, I've got
the baby monitor right here.

And if she needs me,
I'll be able to hear her.

Besides, I miss you
just as much as you miss me.

Yeah?
You really missed me?

Yeah, Frank.

I want you.

Well, I don't know, honey.

I just don't know
if I'm in the mood now.

Well, how about this?

Well, if it's
that important to you...

-Frank?
-What? What?

Is that the baby?

I don't hear anything.

You have a monitor here.
Just listen to the monitor.

Yeah. Okay.

See that?
The baby's not making a sound.

Yeah, I guess you're right.

Okay, where were we?

Right here.

My God!
The baby's not making a sound.
She could be in trouble.

I've got to go check.

Put on a diaper
and spit up on myself.

God,
I wish I hadn't heard that.

The baby's fine.

See? Now, come on back to bed.

I don't know,
I just get nervous with her
being in the other room.

I really thought I could
handle it, but I just can't.

Well, ho-- honey,
what are you doing?

I'm going to go to the nursery
and sleep with the baby.

Okay? Good night.

Yeah, yeah.
Don't worry about me.

I don't need sex this year.

Man. Shut up.

What a mess.

Any chance Dana's
gonna help us clean it up?

Don't count on it.

After the way
she partied last night,

I don't think she's gonna
wake up 'til next Tuesday.

I want to die.

You slept in
a pile of garbage?

I thought
these were beanbag chairs.

My skin
feels horrible.

It should. You've got a piece
of pizza stuck on your face.

Hi, Beth. Is, Dana here?

Yeah. She's right over there
in that pile of trash.

Hi, Mom.

I was, um,
I was just cleaning up.

Girls, do you think
I could talk with Dana
alone for a moment?

Yeah, no problem.

We'll just go get some coffee.

Well, I hear you had
quite a party last night.

Yeah, yeah,
we had some music and...

...pizza.

Dana, from what I hear,
you were falling down drunk.

All right, so, so maybe
I overdid it a little bit.

"Overdid it a little bit?"

Karen and Al told me you were
staggering around the room,

kissing strange guys and
making a total fool
of yourself.

I'm not embarrassed
about anything
that I did last night.

Okay, Dana,
I didn't want to do this,
but you leave me no choice.

The girls brought home
a picture of you
at the party last night.

What kind of picture?

Maybe this will refresh
your memory.

That's you
in the middle of the party,
hanging from the chandelier...

...topless.

My God.

You must think
I'm a complete idiot.

No wonder you came here
to make me move back home.

Actually, that's not why
I came here at all.

I came here to see
that you're okay.

And I want to tell you I hope
you never do this
to yourself again.

You are 19
and you are old enough

to decide whether you want
to live at home or not.

And I will love you no matter
what you decide.

Mom?

Yeah?

I think I want
to move back home.

Are you sure about that?

Yeah.

Then come home.

Sweetheart?

Yeah, Mom?

Put on a bra.

Cody, man, are you sure
this is gonna work?

Totally, dude, don't you ever
watch Gilligan's Island?

This is the way they trapped
those Russian cosmonauts.

-He's coming! He's coming!
-All right.

The eagle has landed.

Well, looky here.

Hi, Cody. Thanks for calling.
Where's my package?

It's right over there.

Have a little sit down right
in the middle of the couch.

Thanks a lot.

My wife is going
to be thrilled.

She loves New York cheesecake.

Tell it to the judge,
dog breath.

Hey, what are you guys doing?

That's it, pal, you're busted.

You're going to the big house.

The slammer. That's it.

This is going
on your permanent record,
young man.

What are you talking about?

You guys are crazy.

Yeah. Crazy like a lox.

We know there's stolen jewels
in there.

It's a cheesecake.

Yeah, yeah.
The old "stolen jewels in
the cheesecake box" trick.

Yeah.

Very fancy.

What's that for?

To throw the dogs
off the scent?

To keep the cheesecake fresh.

Sure.

I find myself
face to face with--

a cheesecake.

Of course, it's a cheesecake.

Now, let me go, you lunatics.

Cody, Cody,
where are the jewels?

Well, isn't it obvious?

We'll just see what's in here.

No. Please, come on.
It's for my wife's birthday.

Pipe down, you filthy animal.

I'm on a jewel hunt here.

There's
no jewels in here.

Well, color me embarrassed.

Let him go, guys.

Hey, dude,
sorry about the cheesecake
and the net.

Where did you guys ever get
the insane idea
that I'm a jewel thief?

Cody said he saw you on
America's Most Wanted.

Yeah.

Well, he probably did.

You're no criminal.

Dude, you're the head honcho
of the National Toupee Club
for Men.

Hey, check it out.

Hi, there.

I'm spending the night here.

It's ridiculous that
I keep sleeping
in the baby's room.

You mean,
we're going to be together?

Right next to one another?

All night.

In that case,
I better go brush my teeth.

I'll be dreaming of you.

It's been four months.

Honey, this is wonderful.

Have you been looking forward
to this like I have?

Carol?