Step by Step (1991–1998): Season 5, Episode 15 - Snow Bunnies - full transcript

Cody,
what are you doing?

- Man, I'm trying to scare myself.
- I've got this gnarly case of...

hiccups man.

It's really starting
to torque my tight whites,
you know.

Well, you know, Cody,
hiccups are a mild form
of heartburn.

Did you have anything
spicy to eat last night?

No, nothing unusual.

Dinner salad, corn muffin...
you know, six buckets of
Doctor Satan's,

burn your mouth out,
hot double
jalapeno hot wings.

Man, I tried everything.

I tried holding my breath.



I tried drinking water.
Now, I'm trying to scare
myself.

Maybe it would
help if I scared you.

Dude,
that's a killer idea.
Okay, bro',

I'll just stand here
and act casual.

You sneak up behind me and
scare the snot out of me. Okay?

Yah!

Cody.
Cody, stop.

Dude.

Cody, you asked
him to scare you.

That's right, I did.

Dude, I'm sorry.
Bro', you okay?

Come here, friendship hug.

Frank, before you shave
I used your razor to shave my
legs, so you might want to

change the blade.



Thank you for the warning.

Sorry. Well,
I guess now we're even.

Why?

Last night you left the
toilet seat up and I
fell in.

Sorry. Fair enough.

What are you reading,
honey?

Robert Nicoll's new book,
"Die, Mommy, Die."

Geez, not another
horror novel. It's gonna
give you nightmares.

No, this one's not
nearly that bad.

If you're going to read,
so am I. Where's my
Garfield book?

It's in your nightstand.

Yeah.

"Die, Mommy, Die. Chapter One.

She was a normal housewife,

living in what she thought was a safe little town.

Little did she know that a
deadly evil was lurking by
her front door."

Frank?

Yeah, yeah?

Would you mind going
downstairs and make sure
the front door is locked?

Come on, honey,
we live in a safe
little town.

Yeah, well that's where
evil always lurks.

It's starting.

All right. All right

If you would just read
Garfield, we would both
sleep a lot better.

I guess I should go.

-Okay. Bye.
-Bye.

-Bye.
-Bye.

Goodbye, Matt.

Hi, Dad.
We were just
saying goodbye.

Really? I thought you
were just trying to clean
each other's teeth.

So, Matt,

goodnight.

Goodnight, sir.
Bye, Al.

Bye.

And goodnight, Al.

- Dad?
- Yeah.

I gotta ask you something and
you have to promise to keep
an open mind. Okay?

Of course I'll keep an
open mind. What is it?

Okay, um, Matt and a bunch
of kids are going on this,
weekend ski trip.

Can I go too?

Will there be a
responsible adult there?

Does a really mature
seventeen year old count?

Al, if there's not gonna
be an adult there,

the answer's no.
I'm sorry.

Why?
Don't you trust me?

Geez...

I just started
a new book.

Al, of course I trust you.
It's just that,

well how can I put this?
I know.

Honey,
teenagers are like bunnies.

Man.

No, no, no. It's true.

This is good a good one.
You're gonna understand it.

Okay? Now, listen,

teenagers are like bunnies.

You put a boy bunny together
with a girl bunny and,

and... and...
things happen.

And it's not because
they're bad bunnies.

It's just that,

they can't keep their
little paws off each other.

All right,

so what are you saying?
That Matt and I are

hormone driven, crazed
animals who can't control
our sexual urges?

I knew you'd understand.

You got the bunny
story right away.

Okay, watch the
swinging duck.

You are getting
very sleepy.

Dude, this isn't gonna...
cure my hiccups.

Okay, I can't be hypnotized

because first of all,
I've got a mind like a
solid block of granite.

Okay, he's under.

Cody?

Dude?

I want you to go back
to a time before your
hiccups started.

Okay, fast forward
through history.

The Garden of Eden,
The Great Pyramids,
the parting of the Red Sea,

"Let my people go,"
World War
with Germany,

World War with
Germany,

the Mets win the Pennant.

Okay,
I'm at the chicken place.

I say to the dude...

"Hey, man, give me six
buckets of Doctor Satan's,
burn your mouth out,

double jalapeno hot wings."
He says...

No, dude.
No cherry pie.

Now, Cody, I want you to
cancel that order and it
will be as if

you never ate
those hot wings.

"Hey, dude,
nix on the six chix."

Now, when I snap my fingers,
you're gonna wake up, and your
hiccups should be gone.

Hey, dude, it worked. My...

hiccups are gone.

Please, don't. Don't!
No, no, no, no, no, no.

Sweetie, come on,
you got to wake up.

-Here we go now, come on.
-No, no, no.

Carol, honey,
you're having a nightmare.

Wake up. Wake up.
Wake up. Wake up.

Let go! Let go!
Let go! Let go!

God.

I'm sorry, Frank.

Gee, was I having
another nightmare?

Yeah.

You've been having a
nightmare every night this
week.

Now, I want you to stop
reading that stupid book.

Well, I can't.
I'm just getting to
the good part.

No more tonight.
Please, just sleep
tonight.

-Please. Okay.
-Okay.

You won't see me reading
any more tonight.

That's my girl.
Okay. Goodnight.

-Goodnight.
-Atta, my sweety. I love you.

"Chapter Nine.
The River of Blood."

That's great, JT.

Now if you could balance a
ball on your nose, you could
get a job at Sea World.

Only if I had whiskers
like yours.

Hey, guys.

- Hello.
- Any calls for me?

Why?
You expecting a call?

Well, Matt just told
me he'd call me from
the ski lodge.

No, he hasn't called yet,
but I am sure he will.

Don't bet on it.

What is that
supposed to mean?

Hey, Matt's up at a ski lodge,
there's chicks there.

He's a healthy guy.
Do I have to paint you
a picture?

Al, don't listen to him,
all right.

Not every guy is a
horny wildebeest like JT.

Yeah. Some of 'em date
Dana and totally lose their
sex drive.

Al, I have,
very bad news for you.

I was at the food court
at the mall, eavesdropping
on conversations,

and I found out who took
your place on the ski trip.

Who?

Stephanie Leifer.

Wa-- Wait a minute. Stephanie,
"The Love Boat" Leifer?

Aye aye.

Al, this is not good.

I hear when guys date
"The Love Boat," they always
get permission to board.

Okay. Alright, I've got to get
there right away.

If she lays one hand on Matt,
I swear to God, I'm gonna rip
her throat out.

- Hey, hey, wait.
I'm going with you.
Why?

Because I don't want you
driving angry. And, besides,
if Stephanie is as

loose as everyone says
she is, I gotta meet her.

Great place.

Look, there's a hot tub.
Romantic setting.

My guess is we're too late.

Shut up. I have to
see what's going on.

Come on!

I can't see anything.

Hey, Al, look, look,
there's a skylight. Why don't
you climb this tree

and see if you
can look in?

I don't know.

I don't think that
branch can hold me.

Fine. Be that way, but I'm
pretty sure Stephanie has a

can do attitude.

Help me up.

While you're up there, see if
they're naked. If they are,
I'll climb up there with you.

JT, put some snow
down your pants.

My God.
They're wearing bathrobes.

Wow. She moves fast.
How come I never meet
chicks like that?

JT, they're coming.
They're gonna see us.

Bye.

Stephanie,

don't you think we should,
you know, wait for
the rest of the group?

I think they can find
it on their own.

Man,
it's freezing out here.

Don't worry,
you'll warm up in a minute.

Tramp.

Come on in.
I won't bite.

Hey, this does
feel pretty good.

Why are you sitting
all the way
over there?

I like it here.

Okay, then
I'll come over there.

You seem like
you're really tense.

Why don't I give
you a massage?

Listen. I don't think that's
such a good....

Yeah, right there.
That feels great.

Hey, don't do that.

What's the matter?

You know that I'm
going out with Al Lambert.

So? I mean,
I don't see her
anywhere around.

Look, I care about Al,
so this just isn't going
to happen.

Are you sure?

I mean, think about it.

No one else would
ever have to know.

I'd know.

Yes!

Hello.

Here.

I don't get it. I mean,
what made you think you
couldn't trust me?

JT got me all worried,
and then

when I heard the
"Love Boat" was gonna
be up here,

I thought you might be
interested in taking a cruise.

Why would I do that?

Because she's really pretty.

And she was
crawling all over you.

Yeah, and I blew her off.

Look, Al,
I only want to be with you.

I mean, a thousand girls like
Stephanie could come after me,

and I'd still want
to be with you.

Really?

Yeah.

My God.

What?

JT drove me up here.
He's still out in the snow.

Anyways, I like to get away
skiing at least a couple of
times a year. You know,

it kind of relieves the
tension of being a major
film director.

You're a major
film director?

Yeah. Yeah. I've got projects
with Spielberg, Katzenberg,
you know, all the bergs.

Look, I may be easy,
but I'm not stupid. Goodbye.

No, no, wait. Really.
I just did
lunch with De Niro.

Get a life.

Man, this bites.
I can't even catch a ride
on the "Love Boat."

"The family she loved
was no longer her family.

Whatever dark force consumed them, turned their eyes into a horrifying shade of

red and gave them an
insatiable hunger for
human flesh."

Frank? Frank?

Frank?
Is that you?

Mark?

Mark, what are you doing up?
It's almost midnight.

Hi, Mom.

I couldn't sleep.

So I came down
here to get a bite.

Dana? Dana, you have to
help me. There's something
wrong with Mark.

Gee, he looks fine to me.

My God.

He must just be hungry

like the rest of us.

Brendan? Brendan.

We've got to get out of
here before it's too late.

Good. Carol's here.
Now we can eat.

I can't wait to eat.

I hear we're having my
favorite food... lady fingers.

Is it dinner time?

I love dinner time.

Mom makes a great dinner.

Not my baby.

Frank! Frank, thank goodness
you're not one of them.

There, there.

You're in good hands now.

Who's ready for barbecue?

Dinner, dinner, dinner.

No, please.

I don't want to be eaten.

If you're hungry
I'll make spaghetti.

No! No! No! No!

- Okay, come on. Wake up.
Wake up.

What? What? What?

Honey, Wake up. Wake up.

Geez.

God.

Sorry, Frank.
Did I have another nightmare?

Duh!

If you don't stop reading
that book, I'm gonna go bald.

You're right, Frank.

-I'm not gonna read
that book any more.
-Thanks.

I really need something
to help me get to sleep.

I've got something that'll
help you get to sleep.

-Really?
-Garfield.

I was hoping
it would be sex.

It is.

Ho. Dude.

Hey, Cody,
you're hiccups are gone.

I guess drinking all that
water did the trick.

No, man,
I lost those hiccups
yesterday.

I was just drinking all that
water because I was thirsty.
You know?

Where are you going?

Bro', I just downed a
five gallon jug of water,
man.

Where do you think I'm going?

Gangway!
Medical emergency!