Step by Step (1991–1998): Season 5, Episode 12 - What's Wrong with This Picture? - full transcript
Despite Al's assurance Casey Maxwell isn't his type, J.T. can't resist dating a fox with a limo driver when she calls him cute. Alas the spoiled crime princess of a Chicago mob killer his terrifying expectations and ways to enforce them... Frank refuses to let Carol call an exterminator since a rat couldn't be a match for his manly hunter's nature- well, this one certainly is and he gets wrecked far worse by the traps then the rodent... Dana is proud to be asked as model for her college's resident artist, even more arrogant-feminist abstract painter Jayne McNeal, but nearly has a fit when she hears at the auction it's Jayne's first photographic realistic portrait, and the thought of it being bought gets mother Carol even more berserk...
Thanks for letting me borrow
your chemistry notes, Karen.
Sure, Casey. No problem.
I'll have my limo driver drop
them off when I'm finished.
Is that really the way
you like your wiener?
No. I just like ketchup.
J.T., this is
my lab partner,
Casey Maxwell.
Casey,
this is my stepbrother J.T.
Nice to meet you.
He's cute. See you in class.
-Bye.
-Bye.
Bye.
I want her.
Trust me, she's not your type.
Hey, she's gorgeous
and she rides around
in a limousine, all right?
I think that's my type.
J.T., forget about it.
The word around school
is her father
is some big-time gangster
from Chicago.
They call him Teddy
"The Exterminator" Maxwell.
Get out of here, man.
Why would a big-time mobster
move to a dinky little town
like Port Washington?
Who knows?
Maybe he wanted
to get his kids
into a better school district.
Okay, so what
if this girl's father
is this big-time mobster?
She's got
a body like a goddess
and she thinks I'm cute.
Are you so hard up for a date
that you'd actually go out
with a girl
even if her father is capable
of having you rubbed out?
Hey, as long as she's the one
doing the rubbin', I'm there.
Ha, ladies.
Hello, guess what.
Jayne McNeal,
the artist-in-residence
of the college
asked me to pose for her.
Is she the one
who does those dogs
playing poker pictures?
Yeah, you ought
to be perfect for that.
For your information,
Jayne McNeal has works of art
hanging in galleries
all over the world.
And the picture
that she paints of moi
will be sold at the university's
charity auction.
Wow. What kind of paintings
does she do?
Well.
Voila!
She's a political artist.
See, all of her paintings
make a statement
about society.
What's that one saying?
Don't throw up on your artwork?
I know you're a Lambert,
but here's a newsflash.
There's more to art
than "Elvis On Velvet."
This is called abstract art
wherein the artist
expresses her emotions
through shapes and colors
as opposed
to recognizable forms.
So it's something
that looks like barf
instead of your face.
You know that could be
a real improvement, Dana.
What's that noise?
It was my love motor
switching from neutral
to drive.
No, Frank.
I think there's an animal
in the attic.
Well, just ignore it, honey.
You've got your own animal
right here.
Yeah, but what if it's a rat?
- Let him get his own girl,
okay? Come on.
No, Frank, really,
I can't make love
when there's a rat in our house.
Then it's a dead rat.
Eveready.
reminds you of anybody?
Okay, hairball.
Here, show me
your beady little eyes
and I'll smack 'em into
the next county.
You're not gonna hurt him,
are you?
Carol, I thought you wanted me
to get rid of the rat.
Well, I do, but I just figured
you'd trap him in a shoe-box,
take him outside,
and set him free.
He's a living creature.
He is a disease-infested
rodent, honey.
If he could, he'd kill us,
and then invite his friends over
to eat our faces, okay?
Ho!
-Ha! There he is.
There he is.
-Ew.
Okay. Hold the light,
honey, okay?
I don't know, Frank.
I mean, maybe we should
call the exterminator.
Carol, we do not need
an exterminator.
I'm a man.
I'm a hunter by nature.
Watch out for those floorboards.
I mean, they're awfully old.
Would you just relax?
I know this house
like the back of my hand.
Okay.
Nighty-night.
Stop! Ha-ha-ha.
Come on.
This is it.
He's a goner, honey.
Left-handed swing.
-Hyah!
-Aah!
God! Gee, my shoul...
Frank.
Frank, just...
forget about the rat.
And look, you sprained
your shoulder.
Come on, let's go
put some ice on it.
All right, rat boy,
it ain't over.
I'm takin' you down.
So, J.T., I hear
you're going out with
the mob princess tonight.
Hey, man, she's hot
and she's beautiful.
How her father
pays for the limo
is not my concern.
Wow, maybe this will be
like that movie The Godfather.
You'll marry into her family.
Then her brother will beat
the snot out of you
with a trash can.
That'll be cool.
My limo has arrived.
Come on,
get out of here.
Come on.
All right.
-Hi there.
-Hi.
Wow, you look hot.
Yeah, I look good in black.
The whole family does.
So what are we doing tonight?
Well, I thought
I'd take you to dinner
over Bar-B-Q Heaven.
Bar-B-Q Heaven?
Do I look like I'm dressed
to go to some rib joint?
You better be taking me some
place classy like Rive Gauche.
Rive Gauche?
That's funny.
My dad can't even
afford that place.
Yeah, I hear
you can't get out of there
for less than $200 a plate.
So what? I'm worth it.
Now where's my gift?
Gift?
You're supposed
to give a lady a gift
when you take her out.
You know, flowers, candy.
Maybe a diamond bracelet.
Here,
you can have my watch.
A Timex?
Actually, it's a Limex. Ha!
It's like a Timex.
Only it loses
two hours a day,
you know?
A cheesy watch?
That's the way you treat me?
What kind of lowlife,
cheapskate slime ball are you?
You know, I'm starting to feel
a little headache comin' on.
Maybe we should just cancel
this whole date, you know?
Wait. Wait a minute.
Are you dumping me?
No, it's this migraine,
you know, or a stroke.
I should stay in.
I think you're dumping me.
And my father
gets really angry
when guys dump me.
And you know what he does
to guys who dump me?
What?
Ever seen that speed bump
in front of Sears?
That's Jeff.
-How's that headache now?
-Much better, thanks.
Look, why don't
we swing by the bay,
I'll empty up
my college fund,
take you straight
to dinner?
- That's more like it.
- Yes, it is.
What?
Open the door,
you idiot.
Can't you see I'm a lady?
Miss McNeal?
Just a minute.
I'm having a vision.
I'm on the verge of creating
an entire universe
of color and dimension
that will change
the way we see things
till the end of time.
Okay, it's over.
Hi, I'm Jayne McNeal.
I know.
I'm, I'm Dana Foster.
You picked me to pose
for your painting.
You said I had
an unforgettable face.
Yeah, I forgot.
I wanna show you something.
It's my latest piece.
I call it "Woman Screaming
At The Top Of Her Lungs."
What do you think?
It's magnificent.
I hate it. It's garbage.
Garbage!
You know,
I was going to say garbage,
but I didn't wanna be rude.
No, rude is good, Miss Foster.
Rude is the essence
of everything I create.
Let me explain how I work.
I observe my subjects at their
most basic level of truth.
Sunset, bowl of fruit,
the human body.
Then I take the essence
and turn it into a work of art.
Miss McNeal,
you are a true genius.
Yes, I know.
Now the piece I'm going
to do of you will be called
"Woman, Tower Of Strength."
I see it as a statement that
women will no longer be pawns
in a male dominated world
of sex and power.
I couldn't agree more.
Good, then take off your clothes
and let's get started.
Excuse me?
You... You want me
to pose nude?
Yes.
Like, no underwear?
Yes, yes, and quickly.
I'm having a vision,
and I'm gonna lose it unless
we get started, so hurry.
Hurry. Clothes off.
Clothes off.
Damn.
-Hey, Uncle Frank.
-Hey, Cody.
Hey, listen.
I've been brainstorming
about a way to get rid
of that rascally rodent
you got visiting
up in the attic,
and I think I've figured out
a way to drop-kick that sucker
to kingdom come.
-How?
-Yeah! Okay.
Well, you know that couple
of vials of nitroglycerin
I've been having
rollin' around the back
of my van for a while?
You've got nitroglycerin
in the back of your van?
Yeah, that stuff's
pretty dangerous, Uncle Frank.
I wouldn't wanna leave it
around the house,
you know, what,
with the baby and all.
Yeah. So, anyway,
check it out.
We just stuff it
into a hunk of Swiss cheese
get the little critter
to eat it and kaboom!
He's toast.
Cody, wouldn't that just blow
the top of the house off?
Okay, plan B.
We go to an army-navy
surplus store,
get a big old
honkin' flamethrower.
Right? Yeah, go up there,
turn that visiting vermin
into little tiny smoldering
bits of rat kebab.
Wouldn't that just
burn the house down?
You know something,
Uncle Frank?
I can't help
you unless you're willing
to help yourself.
You just think about that.
Dad?
Wh... What is it, son?
Can I sleep with you
and Carol tonight?
J.T., what is your problem?
I went out on a date
with this horrible girl.
She was so mean, man.
I had to ditch her.
J.T.
I'm wearing my lucky underwear.
You know what that means?
Yeah,
I know what that means.
But you don't understand!
Her father, he's a gangster.
He's gonna put
a hit out on me.
Son, if you don't get away
from this door
I'm gonna put a hit out
on you myself.
Fine, fine,
but if I get turned
into a speed bump
at the mall,
it's gonna be your fault.
Okay, goodnight.
Carol?
Yeah?
Notice anything special?
Frank, I know you're
in your lucky underwear
and everything,
but not tonight.
I mean, I just can't be romantic
if there's a rat in our house.
No, no, honey,
I'm way ahead of you.
You just sit down.
I went
to the hardware store today
and I bought every rat trap
they have, okay?
The little hairy bugger
shows his face,
he's gonna be ratatouille.
Why won't you just let me
call an exterminator?
Yeah, because, honey, it...
it's a personal thing, okay?
I mean,
that rat was laughin' at me.
It looked at me like
I was some kind of a fool.
Frank?
You are a fool.
Well, I am a fool
who just caught himself a rat.
And I'm gonna stuff it
and burn it over fireplace.
Okay, pal.
Where are you?
Grim Reaper's comin'
to take you home.
Which trap got you?
Take the bait and run.
Okay.
Okay.
You dirty rat.
I'm takin' you down.
Ha!
Now can I call an exterminator?
There's Jayne.
Come on, I'll introduce you.
Miss McNeal?
I was speaking
with a very important
art broker, Miss Foster.
It was rude to interrupt me.
Well done.
Will you sit down?
I wanted you to meet my sisters.
This is Karen and Al.
This is Jayne McNeal.
Well, you girls can be
very proud of Dana.
Her modeling inspired me
to go in a whole new direction
in my painting.
New direction?
Well, I realized the human body
is a perfect form.
I wanted to show the world
the female body
up close and personal.
So instead of abstract,
I've gone for photorealism.
You mean
there's a naked picture
of me up there?
Yes.
Like, no underwear?
You posed
without any clothes on?
She's an abstract artist.
I thought
it was gonna be shapes
and colors and stuff.
Well, so did I,
but when I started painting,
I changed my mind,
and I didn't bother
to tell you.
That was terribly rude of me.
I feel very good about that.
My God.
What am I gonna do?
Hi, girls.
Sorry, we're kind of late,
but Frank's movin'
a little slow.
Ladies and gentlemen,
I would like to begin
the auction now.
So would you very kindly
take your seats?
Thank you.
Um, mom, you know how,
um, you and me
have always talked about
going to Paris together
and seeing the Louvre?
Let's do that right now.
Don't be silly.
You posed for a picture.
I wanna see it.
Yeah, Dana. This is kind of
your coming-out party.
-Take your time, sir.
-Thanks.
Are you quite
comfortable now, sir?
Yeah, I'm fine.
-Good.
-Thank you.
All right, lot number one,
ladies and gentlemen,
this evening is a new work
by the esteemed artist
Jayne McNeal
entitled "Woman,
Tower Of Strength."
My God!
Quite breathtaking,
isn't it?
Well, shall we start
the bidding
at, let us say, $2,500?
-Um, who would open?
-$2,500!
Are you crazy?
I will not have
a nudie picture
of my daughter
hanging over some
pervert's fireplace.
-$3,000.
-$4,000!
$4,000?
What happened to $3,001?
$4,000.
-Do I hear five?
-$5,000!
- God,
you just raised yourself!
Now do I hear a $6,000?
- $6,000.
- $7,000!
Honey, no...
- $8,000. Thank you, sir.
- No, no! I was...
-$9,000!
-No, she... Wait!
$10,000 from the un...
No!
$10,000 from
the unfortunate gentlemen
in the neck brace.
- $15,000.
- $20,000!
$25,000.
$25,000?
Do I hear 30?
$25,000 going once.
$25,000 going twice.
Ouch!
$30,000!
$30,000!
Do I hear 35,
ladies and gentlemen?
$100,000.
$100,000
for a naked picture
of Dana?
I bet I could get a million.
Miss McNeal, that is
an incredibly generous bid.
But please tell us,
why are you bidding
on your own work?
Well, obviously,
it's created
a bidding frenzy,
and I'm not letting it
leave this room.
Any work of art
this popular with the masses
must be garbage.
Sold for $100,000.
Hey, geek boy,
you wanna go
shoot some hoops?
Are you kidding?
I don't wanna be
anywhere near you
when Teddy
"The Exterminator" Maxwell
drops the hammer on you.
Mark, relax, okay?
It's been a whole week
since I ditched Casey.
Nothing has happened.
- When are you gonna realize
that big-time mobsters
don't waste their time
with little punks like me?
Get it through your head.
Lambert?
-Yeah?
-I'm the exterminator.
I'm here to kill a rat.
Man. I'm a witness.
Please, please, please,
please don't kill me.
Please don't kill me.
I... I didn't mean
to ditch your daughter.
But she was just so mean to me.
Please, I'll do anything.
Don't kill me.
I'll marry her.
-Don't kill me.
-What are you talkin' about?
Wait, aren't you
Teddy Maxwell,
the... the gangster
from Chicago?
No, I'm Joe Flavin,
the pest control guy
from Kenosha.
Now which way to the attic?
Right up those stairs.
Thank you.
your chemistry notes, Karen.
Sure, Casey. No problem.
I'll have my limo driver drop
them off when I'm finished.
Is that really the way
you like your wiener?
No. I just like ketchup.
J.T., this is
my lab partner,
Casey Maxwell.
Casey,
this is my stepbrother J.T.
Nice to meet you.
He's cute. See you in class.
-Bye.
-Bye.
Bye.
I want her.
Trust me, she's not your type.
Hey, she's gorgeous
and she rides around
in a limousine, all right?
I think that's my type.
J.T., forget about it.
The word around school
is her father
is some big-time gangster
from Chicago.
They call him Teddy
"The Exterminator" Maxwell.
Get out of here, man.
Why would a big-time mobster
move to a dinky little town
like Port Washington?
Who knows?
Maybe he wanted
to get his kids
into a better school district.
Okay, so what
if this girl's father
is this big-time mobster?
She's got
a body like a goddess
and she thinks I'm cute.
Are you so hard up for a date
that you'd actually go out
with a girl
even if her father is capable
of having you rubbed out?
Hey, as long as she's the one
doing the rubbin', I'm there.
Ha, ladies.
Hello, guess what.
Jayne McNeal,
the artist-in-residence
of the college
asked me to pose for her.
Is she the one
who does those dogs
playing poker pictures?
Yeah, you ought
to be perfect for that.
For your information,
Jayne McNeal has works of art
hanging in galleries
all over the world.
And the picture
that she paints of moi
will be sold at the university's
charity auction.
Wow. What kind of paintings
does she do?
Well.
Voila!
She's a political artist.
See, all of her paintings
make a statement
about society.
What's that one saying?
Don't throw up on your artwork?
I know you're a Lambert,
but here's a newsflash.
There's more to art
than "Elvis On Velvet."
This is called abstract art
wherein the artist
expresses her emotions
through shapes and colors
as opposed
to recognizable forms.
So it's something
that looks like barf
instead of your face.
You know that could be
a real improvement, Dana.
What's that noise?
It was my love motor
switching from neutral
to drive.
No, Frank.
I think there's an animal
in the attic.
Well, just ignore it, honey.
You've got your own animal
right here.
Yeah, but what if it's a rat?
- Let him get his own girl,
okay? Come on.
No, Frank, really,
I can't make love
when there's a rat in our house.
Then it's a dead rat.
Eveready.
reminds you of anybody?
Okay, hairball.
Here, show me
your beady little eyes
and I'll smack 'em into
the next county.
You're not gonna hurt him,
are you?
Carol, I thought you wanted me
to get rid of the rat.
Well, I do, but I just figured
you'd trap him in a shoe-box,
take him outside,
and set him free.
He's a living creature.
He is a disease-infested
rodent, honey.
If he could, he'd kill us,
and then invite his friends over
to eat our faces, okay?
Ho!
-Ha! There he is.
There he is.
-Ew.
Okay. Hold the light,
honey, okay?
I don't know, Frank.
I mean, maybe we should
call the exterminator.
Carol, we do not need
an exterminator.
I'm a man.
I'm a hunter by nature.
Watch out for those floorboards.
I mean, they're awfully old.
Would you just relax?
I know this house
like the back of my hand.
Okay.
Nighty-night.
Stop! Ha-ha-ha.
Come on.
This is it.
He's a goner, honey.
Left-handed swing.
-Hyah!
-Aah!
God! Gee, my shoul...
Frank.
Frank, just...
forget about the rat.
And look, you sprained
your shoulder.
Come on, let's go
put some ice on it.
All right, rat boy,
it ain't over.
I'm takin' you down.
So, J.T., I hear
you're going out with
the mob princess tonight.
Hey, man, she's hot
and she's beautiful.
How her father
pays for the limo
is not my concern.
Wow, maybe this will be
like that movie The Godfather.
You'll marry into her family.
Then her brother will beat
the snot out of you
with a trash can.
That'll be cool.
My limo has arrived.
Come on,
get out of here.
Come on.
All right.
-Hi there.
-Hi.
Wow, you look hot.
Yeah, I look good in black.
The whole family does.
So what are we doing tonight?
Well, I thought
I'd take you to dinner
over Bar-B-Q Heaven.
Bar-B-Q Heaven?
Do I look like I'm dressed
to go to some rib joint?
You better be taking me some
place classy like Rive Gauche.
Rive Gauche?
That's funny.
My dad can't even
afford that place.
Yeah, I hear
you can't get out of there
for less than $200 a plate.
So what? I'm worth it.
Now where's my gift?
Gift?
You're supposed
to give a lady a gift
when you take her out.
You know, flowers, candy.
Maybe a diamond bracelet.
Here,
you can have my watch.
A Timex?
Actually, it's a Limex. Ha!
It's like a Timex.
Only it loses
two hours a day,
you know?
A cheesy watch?
That's the way you treat me?
What kind of lowlife,
cheapskate slime ball are you?
You know, I'm starting to feel
a little headache comin' on.
Maybe we should just cancel
this whole date, you know?
Wait. Wait a minute.
Are you dumping me?
No, it's this migraine,
you know, or a stroke.
I should stay in.
I think you're dumping me.
And my father
gets really angry
when guys dump me.
And you know what he does
to guys who dump me?
What?
Ever seen that speed bump
in front of Sears?
That's Jeff.
-How's that headache now?
-Much better, thanks.
Look, why don't
we swing by the bay,
I'll empty up
my college fund,
take you straight
to dinner?
- That's more like it.
- Yes, it is.
What?
Open the door,
you idiot.
Can't you see I'm a lady?
Miss McNeal?
Just a minute.
I'm having a vision.
I'm on the verge of creating
an entire universe
of color and dimension
that will change
the way we see things
till the end of time.
Okay, it's over.
Hi, I'm Jayne McNeal.
I know.
I'm, I'm Dana Foster.
You picked me to pose
for your painting.
You said I had
an unforgettable face.
Yeah, I forgot.
I wanna show you something.
It's my latest piece.
I call it "Woman Screaming
At The Top Of Her Lungs."
What do you think?
It's magnificent.
I hate it. It's garbage.
Garbage!
You know,
I was going to say garbage,
but I didn't wanna be rude.
No, rude is good, Miss Foster.
Rude is the essence
of everything I create.
Let me explain how I work.
I observe my subjects at their
most basic level of truth.
Sunset, bowl of fruit,
the human body.
Then I take the essence
and turn it into a work of art.
Miss McNeal,
you are a true genius.
Yes, I know.
Now the piece I'm going
to do of you will be called
"Woman, Tower Of Strength."
I see it as a statement that
women will no longer be pawns
in a male dominated world
of sex and power.
I couldn't agree more.
Good, then take off your clothes
and let's get started.
Excuse me?
You... You want me
to pose nude?
Yes.
Like, no underwear?
Yes, yes, and quickly.
I'm having a vision,
and I'm gonna lose it unless
we get started, so hurry.
Hurry. Clothes off.
Clothes off.
Damn.
-Hey, Uncle Frank.
-Hey, Cody.
Hey, listen.
I've been brainstorming
about a way to get rid
of that rascally rodent
you got visiting
up in the attic,
and I think I've figured out
a way to drop-kick that sucker
to kingdom come.
-How?
-Yeah! Okay.
Well, you know that couple
of vials of nitroglycerin
I've been having
rollin' around the back
of my van for a while?
You've got nitroglycerin
in the back of your van?
Yeah, that stuff's
pretty dangerous, Uncle Frank.
I wouldn't wanna leave it
around the house,
you know, what,
with the baby and all.
Yeah. So, anyway,
check it out.
We just stuff it
into a hunk of Swiss cheese
get the little critter
to eat it and kaboom!
He's toast.
Cody, wouldn't that just blow
the top of the house off?
Okay, plan B.
We go to an army-navy
surplus store,
get a big old
honkin' flamethrower.
Right? Yeah, go up there,
turn that visiting vermin
into little tiny smoldering
bits of rat kebab.
Wouldn't that just
burn the house down?
You know something,
Uncle Frank?
I can't help
you unless you're willing
to help yourself.
You just think about that.
Dad?
Wh... What is it, son?
Can I sleep with you
and Carol tonight?
J.T., what is your problem?
I went out on a date
with this horrible girl.
She was so mean, man.
I had to ditch her.
J.T.
I'm wearing my lucky underwear.
You know what that means?
Yeah,
I know what that means.
But you don't understand!
Her father, he's a gangster.
He's gonna put
a hit out on me.
Son, if you don't get away
from this door
I'm gonna put a hit out
on you myself.
Fine, fine,
but if I get turned
into a speed bump
at the mall,
it's gonna be your fault.
Okay, goodnight.
Carol?
Yeah?
Notice anything special?
Frank, I know you're
in your lucky underwear
and everything,
but not tonight.
I mean, I just can't be romantic
if there's a rat in our house.
No, no, honey,
I'm way ahead of you.
You just sit down.
I went
to the hardware store today
and I bought every rat trap
they have, okay?
The little hairy bugger
shows his face,
he's gonna be ratatouille.
Why won't you just let me
call an exterminator?
Yeah, because, honey, it...
it's a personal thing, okay?
I mean,
that rat was laughin' at me.
It looked at me like
I was some kind of a fool.
Frank?
You are a fool.
Well, I am a fool
who just caught himself a rat.
And I'm gonna stuff it
and burn it over fireplace.
Okay, pal.
Where are you?
Grim Reaper's comin'
to take you home.
Which trap got you?
Take the bait and run.
Okay.
Okay.
You dirty rat.
I'm takin' you down.
Ha!
Now can I call an exterminator?
There's Jayne.
Come on, I'll introduce you.
Miss McNeal?
I was speaking
with a very important
art broker, Miss Foster.
It was rude to interrupt me.
Well done.
Will you sit down?
I wanted you to meet my sisters.
This is Karen and Al.
This is Jayne McNeal.
Well, you girls can be
very proud of Dana.
Her modeling inspired me
to go in a whole new direction
in my painting.
New direction?
Well, I realized the human body
is a perfect form.
I wanted to show the world
the female body
up close and personal.
So instead of abstract,
I've gone for photorealism.
You mean
there's a naked picture
of me up there?
Yes.
Like, no underwear?
You posed
without any clothes on?
She's an abstract artist.
I thought
it was gonna be shapes
and colors and stuff.
Well, so did I,
but when I started painting,
I changed my mind,
and I didn't bother
to tell you.
That was terribly rude of me.
I feel very good about that.
My God.
What am I gonna do?
Hi, girls.
Sorry, we're kind of late,
but Frank's movin'
a little slow.
Ladies and gentlemen,
I would like to begin
the auction now.
So would you very kindly
take your seats?
Thank you.
Um, mom, you know how,
um, you and me
have always talked about
going to Paris together
and seeing the Louvre?
Let's do that right now.
Don't be silly.
You posed for a picture.
I wanna see it.
Yeah, Dana. This is kind of
your coming-out party.
-Take your time, sir.
-Thanks.
Are you quite
comfortable now, sir?
Yeah, I'm fine.
-Good.
-Thank you.
All right, lot number one,
ladies and gentlemen,
this evening is a new work
by the esteemed artist
Jayne McNeal
entitled "Woman,
Tower Of Strength."
My God!
Quite breathtaking,
isn't it?
Well, shall we start
the bidding
at, let us say, $2,500?
-Um, who would open?
-$2,500!
Are you crazy?
I will not have
a nudie picture
of my daughter
hanging over some
pervert's fireplace.
-$3,000.
-$4,000!
$4,000?
What happened to $3,001?
$4,000.
-Do I hear five?
-$5,000!
- God,
you just raised yourself!
Now do I hear a $6,000?
- $6,000.
- $7,000!
Honey, no...
- $8,000. Thank you, sir.
- No, no! I was...
-$9,000!
-No, she... Wait!
$10,000 from the un...
No!
$10,000 from
the unfortunate gentlemen
in the neck brace.
- $15,000.
- $20,000!
$25,000.
$25,000?
Do I hear 30?
$25,000 going once.
$25,000 going twice.
Ouch!
$30,000!
$30,000!
Do I hear 35,
ladies and gentlemen?
$100,000.
$100,000
for a naked picture
of Dana?
I bet I could get a million.
Miss McNeal, that is
an incredibly generous bid.
But please tell us,
why are you bidding
on your own work?
Well, obviously,
it's created
a bidding frenzy,
and I'm not letting it
leave this room.
Any work of art
this popular with the masses
must be garbage.
Sold for $100,000.
Hey, geek boy,
you wanna go
shoot some hoops?
Are you kidding?
I don't wanna be
anywhere near you
when Teddy
"The Exterminator" Maxwell
drops the hammer on you.
Mark, relax, okay?
It's been a whole week
since I ditched Casey.
Nothing has happened.
- When are you gonna realize
that big-time mobsters
don't waste their time
with little punks like me?
Get it through your head.
Lambert?
-Yeah?
-I'm the exterminator.
I'm here to kill a rat.
Man. I'm a witness.
Please, please, please,
please don't kill me.
Please don't kill me.
I... I didn't mean
to ditch your daughter.
But she was just so mean to me.
Please, I'll do anything.
Don't kill me.
I'll marry her.
-Don't kill me.
-What are you talkin' about?
Wait, aren't you
Teddy Maxwell,
the... the gangster
from Chicago?
No, I'm Joe Flavin,
the pest control guy
from Kenosha.
Now which way to the attic?
Right up those stairs.
Thank you.