Step by Step (1991–1998): Season 4, Episode 9 - The Ice Cream Man Cometh - full transcript

[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]

Good morning, sweethearts!

ALL: [GRUMBLING]
Yeah.

[SIGHS] Frank?
Huh?

I had the greatest idea
when I was lying
in bed this morning.

Well, why didn't
you wake me up?

Honey, I wake you up
when I get good ideas in bed.

Like the time about
the gladiator and--

Oh, hey, hey, hey!

No mating talk.
We're eating here.

Anyway, I figured out
where we can put the baby.



Why don't we build a nursery
next to our bedroom that
extends over the garage?

Oh, that's a great...
I got some lumber left over

from the remodel
of Sparky's Tavern.

Excuse me.
Am I hearing right?

You two are gonna build
a separate room for this kid,

while the rest of us are
living three to a cell?

Yep. Pretty much.

Man, that is totally unfair.

Man, the kid's gonna be
the size of a guinea pig.

It doesn't need a whole room.

Can't we just
drain the fish tank
and stick him in there?

Al, I don't think so.

You know, in some
tribal cultures,

the youngest child
sleeps with the parents
until it's eight years old.



Well, Mark, here's how
it works in my tribal culture.

Nobody sleeps in my bed
except myself and my wife

and occasionally you
during a thunderstorm.

I still say it's unfair
for the baby to get
its own room.

I say we should have a vote.

A vote?

Dana, this is not the U.N.
We don't vote.

I'm the king,
she's the queen,
you're all peasants.

Now go eat your gruel.
Go on, go on.

Wait. Now, wait, wait,
wait a minute, Frank.

I don't want to run
the family like
a dictatorship.

[SIGHS]

Now, why don't you kids
come up with an idea
you can all agree on.

Honey, they can't
even agree on pizza.

Sure we can.
We like pepperoni.

No, we don't.
We like mushrooms.

Yeah, don't you
know anything?

I know you wet your pants
when there's thunder.

Shut up.

Don't tell
my sister
to shut up.

I warned you about that.
You're a little punk.

[ALL ARGUING LOUDLY]

Oh yeah, this democracy thing
is gonna work real well.

[THEME SONG PLAYING]

MAN: ♪ The dream got broken

♪ Seemed like all was lost

♪ What would be the future?

♪ Could you pay the cost?

♪ You wonder
Will there ever be

♪ A second time around?

WOMAN: ♪ Woah-a, woah-a

♪ When the tears are over

♪ And the moment has come

♪ Say, "My Lord I think
I found someone"

♪ You know it will be better

♪ 'Cause you're
putting it together

♪ For the second time around

ALL: ♪ Step by step,
day by day

WOMAN: ♪ Day by day

ALL: ♪ A fresh start over
A different hand to play

♪ The deeper we fall

♪ The stronger we stay

WOMAN: ♪ We'll make it better

MAN: ♪ Second time around ♪

CODY: Yeah...

Cody, you're cooking.

Yeah, totally.

Oh, Cody, you didn't run
over another possum, did you?

Oh, no, this isn't
roadkill, Uncle Frank.

Although, I've been
dying to try out that new
Highway Helper cookbook.

No, this is my
Texas Kick-Butt Chili.

Well, it smells delicious.
What's the occasion?

Oh, dude, you're
never gonna guess
who's coming to town.

George Humphries!

Where do we know
George Humphries from?

My childhood.

[SCOFFS] Dude,
he was my best friend
all through junior high.

Talk about him
all the time.

I've never heard you
talk about him.

Really?

Dude, probably just talk
about him in my head.

Oh, anyway, listen,
George called me
up this morning

and said he was gonna be
in town, you know, performing
in a motorcycle show.

Check it out, dude
jumped over eight buses.

Eight buses?
That's fantastic.

Yeah, not when
you're trying to clear nine.

Yeah, dude took a thumping.

Well, it'll be nice to meet
one of your boyhood friends.

Yeah...

[SCREECHING AND CLANGING
FROM OUTSIDE]

Sounds like George now.

I'm gonna get him
some ice cream.
George loves ice cream.

Right. There we go.

Whoa!

Dude, this is not
a good day for George.

Hold on. Hey, Georgie boy,
let me help you up there.

Hey. I'm okay. I'm okay.

[YELLS AND GROANS]
I'm okay.

[SIGHS]
Hi, I'm George Humphries.

I'd shake your hand,
but I think I dislocated
my shoulder.

Oh, let me get that
for you, George.

It's an old football injury.
Happens all the time.

[LAUGHS] Ready?
[GROANS]

One, two...

[YELLS IN PAIN]
Thank you.

[SIGHS]

Nobody does it
like the Codeman.

I'm Frank Lambert.
I'm Cody's uncle.

Oh. How do you do?
And this is my wife, Carol.

It's a pleasure to meet you.

Hey, you went
to junior high with Cody?

Oh...

Is she on some
kind of medication?

Hey, uh, Carol,
you might not have noticed,

but, uh, George's got
a couple a decades on me.

Well, you said
you were best friends
in junior high so...

Oh, yeah, yeah,
when I was in junior high.

See, George
and his wife, Marge,

they drove the ice cream
truck down by the park.

George turned me on to
my first ice cream headache.

Hey, ready for a trip
down memory lane, George?

Ooh, butter pecan.
The king of pain.

[SIGHING]

Go for it.
All right.

[BOTH YELL IN PAIN]

Oh!

BOTH: Dude!

I'm beginning to understand
the special bond you two
have with each other.

Yeah.
Yeah, Cody and me
go way back.

He's like the son I never had.

Yeah, me and George,
we did all them father
and son things together, man.

We got shot out of cannons,
wrestled alligators...

We even took a turn
at snake handling.Yeah.

I tell you, you haven't lived
'til you've had a green
mamba up your shorts.

Does your wife also enjoy
putting snakes up her shorts
or is this just a guy thing?

No, no, uh,
Marge never came along
on our little adventures.

She's kind of a homebody.
She likes to cook and sew,

and work on
the trapeze act.

Hey, you know I'd love
to see Marge, man.

Is she cruising by later
in the Winnebego?

Oh, no, no, man.
She's visiting her mother.

You know, women stuff.

Uh, hey, come on,
let's have a toast
to the good old days.

Yeah.
To old friends,

ice cream headaches
and living on the edge!

All right!
Yeah.

[BOTH GROANING]

[BOTH SIGHING]
Dude.

Gotta love that.
[LAUGHS]

Carol, I made a rough
drawing of the baby's room.
I think you're gonna like it.

Ooh, I hope it has
lots of windows.

Yeah. Ta-dah!

Oh, it does.
Yeah, honey,
I did that for you.

I figured, if you're gonna be
in there night after night,

changing diapers
while I'm sleeping,
the least I can do

is put in a big window
so you can see the moon.

[KISSES AND LAUGHS]

Frank, are you under
the impression that
I'm the only one

who's going to be
in there changing diapers?

Of course, honey,
who else would do it?

Well, either you,
or my new husband.

Mom, I've got some,
uh, boring school papers
I need you to sign.

Yeah? What kind of papers?

Oh, you know,
medical release,

field trip slip,
that kind of thing.

Hmm.
Just sign by the X's.

Okay. And there.

Okay, sign right here.
Well, let me see.

No, no, no, it's okay.
Just sign them, Mom.

Karen, let me... Karen!
It's all right, Mom.

Karen, this is a binding
contract that says I promise
to build you a new room.

Really? Why would
the school send you that?

Karen, if we build you
a new room, where's
the baby going to sleep?

Oh, is that
fish tank thing out?

Thank you for
your input, Karen.
Now go away.

Thanks for nothing.

You know, I broke a nail
typing up these papers.

Carol, Dad...

I got the solutions
to all your problems.

You're movin' out?

Well, in a way.

I got a presentation that's
gonna knock your socks off.

Come on in the kitchen,'kay?
Hurry. Come on, come on.

Oh, boy, this is
gonna be good.

Your kids are
the smart ones.

So, here it is,

the new room
you're gonna build for me.

What do you think?

I think you are
a very sick child.

JT, this looks like
the Playboy Mansion.

Exactly. They did a whole
photo spread on it
in the November issue...

Of Architectural Digest.

I'm very glad to see
you're interested
in how things are built.

Here it is.

You got your jacuzzi,
your king-size waterbed,

your 75 inch home
theatre screen,

complete with laser disc
and Dolby Surround Sound.

JT, what makes you think
I'm going to build this
massage parlor for you?

Come on, Dad, face it.

The day's gonna come
when you're just so old,

you'll spend all your time
rocking on the porch,
looking for your teeth.

You take care of me
now, and I'll take
care of you later.

I am touched
by your sentiment, son.

So I'm going to give you
a head start before
I load my shotgun.

So what are you saying,
I don't get the new room?

No. Where's the baby
supposed to sleep?

Is that fish tank thing out?

JT, you might want
to notify the other kids that

we are not putting a baby
in a small glass box.

Aw, man, this stinks.
I'm the oldest male and I
still don't get my own room.

If I were a gorilla,
I'd just take it.

If he were a gorilla,
he'd do better in school.

I heard that.

Hey, Cody, what are you doing?

Oh, I'm getting
my van ready while
George is taking a shower.

See, when I got
out-of-town guests, man,
I sleep in the tent,

let the road-weary traveler
stay in the Club Codeman.

How come you're putting
a mint on his pillow?

Oh, well, see, when you
stay at the Club Codeman,

you're staying
at a four-star van.

Hey, dig it, man, hand me
those pants over there

so I can iron
a fresh crease in 'em.

Hey, what's this?

This fell out
of George's pocket.

Hmm.

Dude...

Whoa!

This is not good.

What's wrong?
[GASPS]

It's an obituary.

George's wife, Marge,
died six months ago.

Dude.

Whoa!

Nothing like
an ice-cold shower
to jump-start the heart.

Reminds me of
my old days in the Yukon.

Hey, George, can I ask
you a question?

I know what
you're gonna say.

"What kind of lunatic
would try to sell
ice cream in the Yukon?

What can I tell you?

[SIGHS IN PLEASURE]

Oh, that is refreshing, man.

[YELLS]

I was young, impetuous,
couldn't afford
a refrigerated truck.

So, I figured, if I get
far enough north,

I can sell popsicles right
out of the back of my pickup.

Hey, uh, George,
I was gonna ask you
kind of a different question.

Listen, man, I was
gonna iron a crease
in your pants, you know,

and this clipping fell out.

Give me that.

That's private.

Listen, George,
I wasn't trying to
be nosy, you know.

The clipping fell out, man,
I had to read it.

[SIGHS]

How come you didn't
tell me Marge died?

I didn't want
to bring you down.

[SCOFFS]
Bring me down?

Dude, we're buds.
I mean, like, hey, man,

if you're down, I want to be
right down there with you.

Hey, who's down?

Huh?

Me and Marge had
some great years together.

But life goes on.

Hey, I got an idea.

Why don't we run down
to the zoo,

grab a couple of green mambas

and stuff them in our shorts
for old times' sake?

[EXCLAIMING ADORINGLY]

Yeah.
I'm not buying this.

Dude, you gotta
be hurtin', man.

You know, it's not good
to keep all that bottled
up inside you.

Codeman, forget it.

Now, look, if I need
a shoulder to cry on,
you're the man, right?

But right now, you know,

I'd rather not talk about it.

[VACUUM CLEANER WHIRRING]

[CAROL GIGGLING]
Hey, Uncle Frank, Carol.

Oh. Hello, Cody.

Hey, sorry to interrupt
your morning make-out.

Hey, have you guys
seen George?

Well, he left here
about ten minutes ago.

Oh, but he did,
he left this message for you.

Wow, that's really weird.

You know, we were
supposed to go
skydiving together, man.

I wonder why he'd take off
without me?

[SCOFFS]

"Dear Cody,
By the time you get this note,

"you'll probably realize
that this visit was my way
of saying goodbye to you.

"I'm sorry. I miss
Marge so much, I can't
go on without her."

[SOFTLY] Dude...

"So I'm going to meet her
in the great beyond.

"See you there, too,
someday, buddy."

Cody, it sounds like
this poor guy's about
to buy the farm.

Well, now, that would be
a real stupid investment

considering he's about
to kill himself.

[SCOFFS]
Dude, I gotta go save him.

I really miss you, Marge,

but I'll see you soon.

[KISSES PICTURE]

Jumper to pilot,
do you read me?

PILOT: Loud and clear.

How much longer before
I can make the big plunge...
I mean, jump?

PILOT: A couple
more minutes.Okay.

Well, I won't be
needing this thing.

PILOT: It's taking a little
longer than it should
to reach jump altitude.

It, uh, feels like
we're carrying
some extra weight.

[CODY YELLING INDISTINCTLY]

GEORGE: How do yo
get out of this thing?

[LOUD BANGING]
[CODY YELLING INDISTINCTLY]

Gad-zooks, man.

Are you out of your mind?

Oh, yeah.
Oh, okay. All right.

Whoa!
[GRUNTS AND SIGHS]

Whoa! Dude.

Talk about
your no-frills flight.

Yo! Hey, how in the name
of Flash Gordon did
you get up here?

Oh, simple.

I just chased the plane
down the runway right
when it was about to take off.

I grabbed at the landing
gear, then I shimmied up
the fuselage.

Yo! Hey, I know why
you're doing it man,
but it's not gonna work.

I'm jumping out
of this airplane

and I'm not stopping until
I get a mouthful of dirt.

Dude, you cannot
kill yourself.

Oh, why not?

I've always wanted to make
my mark on the world.

This way, I'll make
a really big mark. Splat!

Okay, fine.

If that's really what
you want to do, man,

just go on over
to that door and take
a leap out into eternity.

Okay. See you later.
Okay.

Wait, George! George,
George, George!

Dude, I was just using
reverse psychology, bro.

Didn't you see Lethal Weapon?

Is that the one where
Schwarzenegger is the killer
robot from the future?

No, that was
Terminator,dude.

Lethal Weapon'sgotMel Gibson and he
plays a psycho cop.

Oh, yeah, I saw that.

That's where the guy
wants to kill himself
because his wife is dead.

Yeah. Yeah.
See you later.

Oh, wait. George,
George, George, George!

Okay, bad example.

I understand.

How about Bambi?
Now there's an "up" movie.

No way. They kill his mom.

Come on, work with me
here, George. I'm trying
to save your life.

No, man,

I tried to make it in
this world without Marge
and I just can't do it.

Would you please
get out of my way?

No, I can't do that, George.

Look, man, I understand
what you're going through.

I mean, I'd be really
bummed out if I lost a really
great lady like Marge, too.

But, dude, I can't
let you kill yourself.

I mean, this world
just wouldn't be
the same without you.

Cody, I'm just
an ice cream man.

Oh, come on, you're a lot
more important than that.

Dude, come here, sit down.

Listen to me.

[SIGHS] Now,
you remember when
I was a little kid?

Yeah.
I was playing
in Little League,

I hit my only
home run ever.

Uh-huh.

As I was coming
around that first base,

I thought to myself, man,
"I wish my dad was here
to see this." You know?

But he was out of town
on a business trip.

You know, and as I was
coming around second base...

Yeah, buddy, I wished
my mom was here, you know?

But she was at the hair
salon gettin' a perm.

As I was coming
around third base,

this home run was really
starting to get lonely.

But then I looked up
and I saw you and Marge

in the parking lot with
the ice cream truck. Man,
you had the bells ringing,

you guys were jumping
up and down, cheering,

"Hey, go, Codeman, go!"
Yeah.

Dude, I was really glad
you were there for me.

Well, you were a good
kid who just needed
a little encouragement.

But you're all grown up now.

Well, yeah, but I'm sure
there's some little kid
out there somewhere,

whose parents don't
have enough time for him,

could use a dude
with a big heart.

Maybe a few free popsicles,

a couple of minutes
to listen to his problems.

Oh, Code, why are you
making this so hard for me?

Because I love you, bro'.

Dude, you're my best
friend in the whole world.

Am I really?
Yeah.

I caught a plane
to tell you that.

And when I say
I caught a plane, I mean,
I caught a plane, you know.

Yeah... Yeah.

Well, I do kinda miss
going out to the park
and seeing the kids.

I just turned 60
and now, I really make out
like a bandit at the Sizzler.

Well, be a shame
to throw a bargain
like that away, huh?

Yeah.

Thanks, Code.

Hey, hey, any time, pal.

Come here.

PILOT: Pilot to jumper.
We've reached jump
altitude and banking now.

[BOTH SCREAMING]

GEORGE: Gad-zooks, man.
Where's the rip cord?

CODY: Dude, it worked!

Code, I think
I understand it all now.

I want to live.
I want to sing.
I want to dance.

But most of all,
I want you to get
your leg out of my crotch.

Yeah. Good luck.

Dude, you got the 'chute.
I'm not movin' nothin'.

Yeah.
[LAUGHS]

Oh, look,
six little pigs are here.

Yes, well, I have
an announcement to make.

I was hoping we
could come up with

a democratic solution

for the new room.

But, since you are all
blood-sucking
little leeches,

the family government
has been overthrown

and we are now
returning to
a dictatorship.

King Frank?
Thank you, Your Highness.

Alright, listen up,
here's the way it is.

The baby gets
the new room,
you guys get squat.

Any problems with that,
there's the door.

Man, that is totally unfair.

Yes, it is.
I feel real bad about it.
Any other stupid comment?

CODY: Look out below!

Incoming dudes!

That sounds like Cody.

Whoa!

[CODY GROANS AND CHUCKLES]

FRANK: Hey.
Dude!

Are you guys all right?
Yeah.

Whoa, what a rush!

Hey, let's do it again.

Only this time,
you wear the 'chute,
and I'll chase the plane.

I love this guy.

GEORGE: Whoa!

Yo!

Whoa!