Step by Step (1991–1998): Season 4, Episode 16 - One Truck, Al Dente - full transcript
Dana is over-sensitive to painkillers, but after a serious dentist job can't stand it, and gets stoned badly enough to get frisky with the Codemeister and try his ice-cream-headache. Carol drags Frank to nurse Decker's baby-care class, where he demonstrates easy ways to- kill any baby. Al has got her driver's license, but Frank won't let her drive 'while there may be other cars driving' without a responsible adult, so she convinces JT -who never thought of himself as either- and gets a king-size dent in Frank's firm truck driving one yard, against a bin on the driveway. Against Cody's advice to tell the truth, JT tries a fender-bender paste...
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Hi, guys.
Hey, Kare bear.
Check out the gonzo cheeks
on the Dana burger.
Got that little Alvin
the Chipmunk groove happening.
What happened to you?
What?
She had her wisdom teeth
taken out.
I'm in a lot of pain.
She met Superman
and Lois Lane.
Dude! No way!
That's so ragin'.
Man, the best person
I ever met,
Catwoman from Batman.
Remember her?
Dude, she was so fine.
No, Cody.
She said she's in
a lot of pain.
Well, didn't the dentist
give her some pain killers
or something?
Yes, but she doesn't
wanna take them
because she's super sensitive
to medication.
It totally spaces her out.
That's right.
Well, that's too bad.
I remember when I had
my wisdom teeth taken out.
Man.
Sending hot bolts of pain
right into my brain.
God.
Hey, Carol. I did it.
I got my learner's permit.
Congratulations, honey.
That's great.
Yeah, Dad even
let me drive home
for the first time.
It was great, Dad?
I was busy seeing my life
flash before my eyes.
Frank, you know,
you go through this
Yeah, well, that's because
they let people drive
way too early.
I'm telling you I don't think
they should let anybody
behind the wheel
till they're 30.
I can't believe it.
how to drive.
I'm gonna get my friend Debbie
to teach me.
Demolition Debbie?
I don't think so.
like Carol or myself.
Driving is
a serious business, Al.
You're not gonna learn it
from some teeny bopper.
Dad, I haven't
seen you this uptight
since I started getting boobs.
Yeah, that's another thing you
shouldn't get till you're 30.
Watch this one.
Cool!
Dude, I almost blacked out.
Man...
I love ice cream headaches.
Guys, I just want to warn you.
Dana is not herself today.
Man. Is she
still in a lot of pain?
No, she took
her pain medication,
and now she's bombed
out of her gourd.
Hey!
It's Cody!
The Codeman!
The Code-meister.
Slap me some skin, bro.
Dude.
I'm not possessed.
It's me, Dana!
Your favorite step-cuz!
The Dana-burger!
The Dana-burger with cheese!
She's been like this
all morning.
Yeah.
And we've been having like
a totally ragin' time.
This is scary.
-Hey, Dana--
-Cool.
I always wanted to try that
brain-freeze thing Cody does.
Wait, Dana, you...
Geez.
Cool.
Frank, hurry up.
We're going to be late.
Carol, do we really have
to go to this baby care class?
Frank, come on.
We talked about this
last week.
You said it was a good idea.
Frank, neither of us
has had a baby in a long time.
I'm not sure we know
how to take care
of one anymore.
Carol, they're babies.
Not Pontiacs.
Well, we are both
out of practice
Hey, where are you guys going?
Can I drive you?
but it's kind of
a bad time right now.
Why?
Great. I'm never going
to get a chance to drive.
Where're you going?
To the video store.
Can I drive you?
I'm walking.
It's just two blocks away.
Come on. Let me drive.
We can take Dad's truck.
Nope, nope, nope. Sorry, Al.
Wrong.
That could be you.
Based on what?
Well...
You're 18.
You're a high-school graduate.
Hey, you haven't had
a pimple in over a year.
Yeah, I guess
I am pretty grown-up.
Okay. You can drive.
But, you have to do
exactly what I tell you.
Yeah, you got it.
Okay.
Well, golly. I think so.
If I could figure out
where to put this darn key.
Now, get in the truck
and stop messing around.
This is really cool.
Thanks, JT.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You better not tell anybody.
I love the sound of that.
Now, be careful
of the driveway, okay?
It's real narrow,
and look out for the fence.
Okay.
Stop babying it.
Give it some gas.
All right.
Man. I can't
believe you did this!
What were you thinking?
Well, I was thinking
of backing up slowly
until you told me
to give it gas.
No, no.
Don't blame this on me!
You're the one
who hit the house!
Maybe he won't notice.
Man. We're dead meat.
Good afternoon, everyone.
I am Nurse Decker.
Now, the first lesson is going
to be giving the baby a bath.
There are lots
of different ways
to bathe an infant.
So, why don't you all
just do what comes naturally
and I'll walk around
and tell you why it's wrong.
Okay.
Yes, you are!
Yes, you are!
Yes. We're going to take
the little wash cloth
and we're gonna wash
the little hairs
on your little
chinny chin-chin.
Carol.
If you keep talking
to the baby like that,
you would
drive him crazy.
Mr. Lambert, your baby's head
has been under water
for the last twenty seconds.
-I'm sorry.
-Don't panic.
Just think quickly.
Your baby's lungs
are filling up with water.
How do you get it out?
That was wrong, wasn't it?
Frank, you're supposed
to save the baby,
not juice it.
Well, don't be
too hard on him.
A lot of men are nervous
about their first baby.
Well, actually, it's
not my first baby.
It's my fourth.
Any survivors?
JT, this "Fender Mender" stuff
better work.
If Dad finds out we wrecked
his truck, he'll kill us.
We just fill the dent
in with this stuff,
paint over it, and bingo,
it's as good as new.
Hey, Cody, what's up?
Dude. Don't say my name.
I don't want Dana
to know where I'm at.
Why not?
she's been
like Space Cadet City.
I mean, how many times
can a person say "Dude"
in one sentence?
Dude!
What happened to the truck?
I let Al drive.
She was backing
out of the driveway
Man.
Uncle Frank's gonna be
totally cheesed off
when he sees what happened
to his truck.
Well, not if we fix it
before he finds out.
See, JT says
this "Fender Mender" stuff
will make it good as new.
Lame.
Dude, you know that stuff
is not gonna work.
Why don't you just be straight
with your dad, man?
Tell him the truth.
that he won't
beat the snot out of you
for messing up his truck.
You know, JT,
maybe he's right.
Al, this is America.
We're innocent
until proven guilty.
And if we can cover up
the evidence,
we're not guilty.
You can put
all the silly putty you want
on the door, man,
but sooner or later,
you're going down.
Dudesies!
Codeman!
What's up?
Man, Princess Leia
the space queen is back.
Okay.
Dig it.
I got like
this totally ragin' idea.
Why don't we sing the blues?
If this putty stuff
doesn't work,
we can always tell Dad
she was driving.
One of the scarier moments
for new parents
is if the baby is choking.
But it doesn't have
to be scary if you know
the Baby Heimlich.
This is step one
of the Baby Heimlich.
Hold the baby, face down,
in the palm of your hand,
being careful
to support its head.
Then turn it downward
and give it five thumps
between the shoulder blades
using the heel of your hand.
Mr. Winthrop,
why don't you try it?
Okay.
I hope I do it right.
Now, you've got to be firmer.
Remember,
you have to force enough air
Okay. I'll try.
That's excellent,
Mr. Winthrop.
All right, Mr. Lambert.
You're next.
Okay.
I'll give it a try here.
That's right.
Aim it downwards.
Yes.
Okay. Here we go.
Honey, this was
a complete disaster.
I should change my name
from Frank Lambert
to Atilla the Hun.
Watch your head. I seem to be
decapitating things lately.
God.
I'm so big.
Carol.
I'm a total failure
as a father.
Frank, you are not.
You just haven't
had a baby in a long time.
You're out of practice.
Look, we're taking
the doll home.
The baby won't be
born until May.
By that time, you're going
to be an old pro. Believe me.
Yeah. Thanks for having
confidence in me, honey.
I really want to be
a good dad.
I want you to know
that when you
leave our baby with me,
it's a 100% safe.
What did I tell you?
It looks as good as new.
Am I a genius, or what?
Yeah, well, I'll tell you
after Dad sees it.
If we just act cool,
he won't suspect a thing.
Hey, guys.
Dad! You're home. Great!
Yeah. Great!
Welcome home.
What are you guys
doing in here?
Just waxing the old truck.
We wanted to surprise you,
but,
I guess you caught us.
Yeah, Dad. You caught us.
Yeah, you did.
Well, I'll tell you,
it looks pretty.
It looks like...
Could I get by you, please?
What for?
I would like to get something
out of my truck.
Is that okay?
-Sure.
-Yeah.
What's that?
What's what?
Looks like you missed a spot.
No, no, no, Dad. I'll fix it.
Okay. Here you go.
All right.
Are you guys okay?
Okay? Yeah.
Yeah, I'm okay. Why?
- Al, you okay?
- Yeah. I'm okay.
Okay.
You know, they want you
to buy American
and they sell you
a pile of junk.
Unbelievable.
Okay, Dad.
I can explain everything.
Before you get mad,
I can explain. Okay?
This is all Al's fault.
My fault?
Yeah. You were
the one who was driving?
So? You let me,
Mr. Give-it-some-more-gas.
You were the one
who begged me--
I have already killed
three kids today.
Two more
will make no difference.
First of all, you are both
going to pay for this
out of your own money.
And second of all,
didn't I tell you
you are not allowed to drive
unless you were
with a responsible adult?
Well, I thought JT
was a responsible adult.
Based on what?
Well, I guess
I based it on the fact that
I really wanted to drive,
and you kept putting me off.
Al.
Listen, I know you just
got your learner's permit
and you're real anxious
to get behind the wheel.
But look what happened.
Sorry.
But I have a very good reason
for wanting
a responsible adult with you.
It's very difficult
do back down our driveway.
I know, Dad. You're right.
No.
You're gonna put up
a block wall on my
new construction site.
A block wall?
That is hard work!
Good parenting, Dad.
Shut up, son.
Good idea.
JT. This stuff weighs a ton.
Whatever made you think
it was gonna stick
to the side of a car?
Well, it worked pretty good
on the side of the house.
There is a hole
on the side of my house?
You know that block wall
we're building for you?
Well, why don't we put a nice
little brick trim around it?
Just to show that, you know,
we've really, really, really
learned our lesson.
Shut up, JT!
She's right. I should shut up.
Man.
Yeah. Tell me about it.
listening to Reggae music
and babbling about
"going back to Jamaica, Mon."
Look!
Look who's here!
It's the Codemon!
Where you been?
It's time to limbo!
Come on, Codemon.
How low can you go?
All right.
Limbo lower now!
www.mytotal.tv THE BEST TV APP
Hi, guys.
Hey, Kare bear.
Check out the gonzo cheeks
on the Dana burger.
Got that little Alvin
the Chipmunk groove happening.
What happened to you?
What?
She had her wisdom teeth
taken out.
I'm in a lot of pain.
She met Superman
and Lois Lane.
Dude! No way!
That's so ragin'.
Man, the best person
I ever met,
Catwoman from Batman.
Remember her?
Dude, she was so fine.
No, Cody.
She said she's in
a lot of pain.
Well, didn't the dentist
give her some pain killers
or something?
Yes, but she doesn't
wanna take them
because she's super sensitive
to medication.
It totally spaces her out.
That's right.
Well, that's too bad.
I remember when I had
my wisdom teeth taken out.
Man.
Sending hot bolts of pain
right into my brain.
God.
Hey, Carol. I did it.
I got my learner's permit.
Congratulations, honey.
That's great.
Yeah, Dad even
let me drive home
for the first time.
It was great, Dad?
I was busy seeing my life
flash before my eyes.
Frank, you know,
you go through this
Yeah, well, that's because
they let people drive
way too early.
I'm telling you I don't think
they should let anybody
behind the wheel
till they're 30.
I can't believe it.
how to drive.
I'm gonna get my friend Debbie
to teach me.
Demolition Debbie?
I don't think so.
like Carol or myself.
Driving is
a serious business, Al.
You're not gonna learn it
from some teeny bopper.
Dad, I haven't
seen you this uptight
since I started getting boobs.
Yeah, that's another thing you
shouldn't get till you're 30.
Watch this one.
Cool!
Dude, I almost blacked out.
Man...
I love ice cream headaches.
Guys, I just want to warn you.
Dana is not herself today.
Man. Is she
still in a lot of pain?
No, she took
her pain medication,
and now she's bombed
out of her gourd.
Hey!
It's Cody!
The Codeman!
The Code-meister.
Slap me some skin, bro.
Dude.
I'm not possessed.
It's me, Dana!
Your favorite step-cuz!
The Dana-burger!
The Dana-burger with cheese!
She's been like this
all morning.
Yeah.
And we've been having like
a totally ragin' time.
This is scary.
-Hey, Dana--
-Cool.
I always wanted to try that
brain-freeze thing Cody does.
Wait, Dana, you...
Geez.
Cool.
Frank, hurry up.
We're going to be late.
Carol, do we really have
to go to this baby care class?
Frank, come on.
We talked about this
last week.
You said it was a good idea.
Frank, neither of us
has had a baby in a long time.
I'm not sure we know
how to take care
of one anymore.
Carol, they're babies.
Not Pontiacs.
Well, we are both
out of practice
Hey, where are you guys going?
Can I drive you?
but it's kind of
a bad time right now.
Why?
Great. I'm never going
to get a chance to drive.
Where're you going?
To the video store.
Can I drive you?
I'm walking.
It's just two blocks away.
Come on. Let me drive.
We can take Dad's truck.
Nope, nope, nope. Sorry, Al.
Wrong.
That could be you.
Based on what?
Well...
You're 18.
You're a high-school graduate.
Hey, you haven't had
a pimple in over a year.
Yeah, I guess
I am pretty grown-up.
Okay. You can drive.
But, you have to do
exactly what I tell you.
Yeah, you got it.
Okay.
Well, golly. I think so.
If I could figure out
where to put this darn key.
Now, get in the truck
and stop messing around.
This is really cool.
Thanks, JT.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You better not tell anybody.
I love the sound of that.
Now, be careful
of the driveway, okay?
It's real narrow,
and look out for the fence.
Okay.
Stop babying it.
Give it some gas.
All right.
Man. I can't
believe you did this!
What were you thinking?
Well, I was thinking
of backing up slowly
until you told me
to give it gas.
No, no.
Don't blame this on me!
You're the one
who hit the house!
Maybe he won't notice.
Man. We're dead meat.
Good afternoon, everyone.
I am Nurse Decker.
Now, the first lesson is going
to be giving the baby a bath.
There are lots
of different ways
to bathe an infant.
So, why don't you all
just do what comes naturally
and I'll walk around
and tell you why it's wrong.
Okay.
Yes, you are!
Yes, you are!
Yes. We're going to take
the little wash cloth
and we're gonna wash
the little hairs
on your little
chinny chin-chin.
Carol.
If you keep talking
to the baby like that,
you would
drive him crazy.
Mr. Lambert, your baby's head
has been under water
for the last twenty seconds.
-I'm sorry.
-Don't panic.
Just think quickly.
Your baby's lungs
are filling up with water.
How do you get it out?
That was wrong, wasn't it?
Frank, you're supposed
to save the baby,
not juice it.
Well, don't be
too hard on him.
A lot of men are nervous
about their first baby.
Well, actually, it's
not my first baby.
It's my fourth.
Any survivors?
JT, this "Fender Mender" stuff
better work.
If Dad finds out we wrecked
his truck, he'll kill us.
We just fill the dent
in with this stuff,
paint over it, and bingo,
it's as good as new.
Hey, Cody, what's up?
Dude. Don't say my name.
I don't want Dana
to know where I'm at.
Why not?
she's been
like Space Cadet City.
I mean, how many times
can a person say "Dude"
in one sentence?
Dude!
What happened to the truck?
I let Al drive.
She was backing
out of the driveway
Man.
Uncle Frank's gonna be
totally cheesed off
when he sees what happened
to his truck.
Well, not if we fix it
before he finds out.
See, JT says
this "Fender Mender" stuff
will make it good as new.
Lame.
Dude, you know that stuff
is not gonna work.
Why don't you just be straight
with your dad, man?
Tell him the truth.
that he won't
beat the snot out of you
for messing up his truck.
You know, JT,
maybe he's right.
Al, this is America.
We're innocent
until proven guilty.
And if we can cover up
the evidence,
we're not guilty.
You can put
all the silly putty you want
on the door, man,
but sooner or later,
you're going down.
Dudesies!
Codeman!
What's up?
Man, Princess Leia
the space queen is back.
Okay.
Dig it.
I got like
this totally ragin' idea.
Why don't we sing the blues?
If this putty stuff
doesn't work,
we can always tell Dad
she was driving.
One of the scarier moments
for new parents
is if the baby is choking.
But it doesn't have
to be scary if you know
the Baby Heimlich.
This is step one
of the Baby Heimlich.
Hold the baby, face down,
in the palm of your hand,
being careful
to support its head.
Then turn it downward
and give it five thumps
between the shoulder blades
using the heel of your hand.
Mr. Winthrop,
why don't you try it?
Okay.
I hope I do it right.
Now, you've got to be firmer.
Remember,
you have to force enough air
Okay. I'll try.
That's excellent,
Mr. Winthrop.
All right, Mr. Lambert.
You're next.
Okay.
I'll give it a try here.
That's right.
Aim it downwards.
Yes.
Okay. Here we go.
Honey, this was
a complete disaster.
I should change my name
from Frank Lambert
to Atilla the Hun.
Watch your head. I seem to be
decapitating things lately.
God.
I'm so big.
Carol.
I'm a total failure
as a father.
Frank, you are not.
You just haven't
had a baby in a long time.
You're out of practice.
Look, we're taking
the doll home.
The baby won't be
born until May.
By that time, you're going
to be an old pro. Believe me.
Yeah. Thanks for having
confidence in me, honey.
I really want to be
a good dad.
I want you to know
that when you
leave our baby with me,
it's a 100% safe.
What did I tell you?
It looks as good as new.
Am I a genius, or what?
Yeah, well, I'll tell you
after Dad sees it.
If we just act cool,
he won't suspect a thing.
Hey, guys.
Dad! You're home. Great!
Yeah. Great!
Welcome home.
What are you guys
doing in here?
Just waxing the old truck.
We wanted to surprise you,
but,
I guess you caught us.
Yeah, Dad. You caught us.
Yeah, you did.
Well, I'll tell you,
it looks pretty.
It looks like...
Could I get by you, please?
What for?
I would like to get something
out of my truck.
Is that okay?
-Sure.
-Yeah.
What's that?
What's what?
Looks like you missed a spot.
No, no, no, Dad. I'll fix it.
Okay. Here you go.
All right.
Are you guys okay?
Okay? Yeah.
Yeah, I'm okay. Why?
- Al, you okay?
- Yeah. I'm okay.
Okay.
You know, they want you
to buy American
and they sell you
a pile of junk.
Unbelievable.
Okay, Dad.
I can explain everything.
Before you get mad,
I can explain. Okay?
This is all Al's fault.
My fault?
Yeah. You were
the one who was driving?
So? You let me,
Mr. Give-it-some-more-gas.
You were the one
who begged me--
I have already killed
three kids today.
Two more
will make no difference.
First of all, you are both
going to pay for this
out of your own money.
And second of all,
didn't I tell you
you are not allowed to drive
unless you were
with a responsible adult?
Well, I thought JT
was a responsible adult.
Based on what?
Well, I guess
I based it on the fact that
I really wanted to drive,
and you kept putting me off.
Al.
Listen, I know you just
got your learner's permit
and you're real anxious
to get behind the wheel.
But look what happened.
Sorry.
But I have a very good reason
for wanting
a responsible adult with you.
It's very difficult
do back down our driveway.
I know, Dad. You're right.
No.
You're gonna put up
a block wall on my
new construction site.
A block wall?
That is hard work!
Good parenting, Dad.
Shut up, son.
Good idea.
JT. This stuff weighs a ton.
Whatever made you think
it was gonna stick
to the side of a car?
Well, it worked pretty good
on the side of the house.
There is a hole
on the side of my house?
You know that block wall
we're building for you?
Well, why don't we put a nice
little brick trim around it?
Just to show that, you know,
we've really, really, really
learned our lesson.
Shut up, JT!
She's right. I should shut up.
Man.
Yeah. Tell me about it.
listening to Reggae music
and babbling about
"going back to Jamaica, Mon."
Look!
Look who's here!
It's the Codemon!
Where you been?
It's time to limbo!
Come on, Codemon.
How low can you go?
All right.
Limbo lower now!