Step by Step (1991–1998): Season 4, Episode 1 - Karate Kid - full transcript

Hey, Dad.
Is dinner ready?

Yeah it is, would you
tell the other kids, please?

Sure.

Hey everybody, dinner's ready!

Yeah, get your
butts down here!

I meant for you to go
upstairs and tell them.

Why? They can
hear me from here.

Sorry, things really got
backed up in the beauty salon.

Well, Frank, thank you
for making dinner.

Anytime.

JT, you better find out what
everybody wants to drink.



Hey everybody, what do
you guys want to drink?

Ginger ale!

Ice?

No! Diet pop!

- Ice?
- Yes.

- Lemon?
- No, just ice!

JT.
One second, Dad.

Dana, Mark, what do you
want to drink?

- Milk!
- Water!

- What?
- JT!

Dad, I'm right here.
You don't have to scream.

All right,
I'm so tired of this.

All you guys ever do
around here is scream.

Yeah, I haven't heard
this much screaming



since JT walked in on
grandma in the shower.

Please, I don't like
reliving that.

Okay. New rule.

From now on there
is no screaming in
this house. Got it?

Sure, Dad.
Got it, Dad.

Good.

Hey, forget the ginger ale!
I want root beer!

Shut up, Al! Didn't you
just hear Dad?

We're not allowed
to scream anymore!

Hey, Carol.

Can I ask you a question?

Hey dig it.

Is baloney still good,
if it's like green and fuzzy?

No.

Dude, I'm gonna
pay for that later.

Hey, Mark, are you
taking Karate,

or did you get some
of that bad baloney, too?

I signed up at
the recreation center
for Karate lessons.

Karate? Mark,
that sounds
kind of dangerous.

Wouldn't you like
to take something safer
like... Ceramics?

Mom, I think I've already
taken enough activities

that require me
to wear an apron.

The kids at school
are calling me,
"Nerd Boy-ar-dee".

It's true, Carol.

Mark doesn't get
any respect.

Last week he was the victim
of a drive by wedgie.

Well, I know you
want to prove yourself,

but Karate just sounds
so violent to me.

I really don't
want you to do it.

Carol, just chill.

You know, I mean hey,
Karate's not really violent.

The dude who
taught me said

that Karate was about
self defense and confidence.

Yeah please, Mom,
there's a Karate
tournament next month

and I want to enter it,

so I can get some respect
from the kids at school.

Well... Okay, Mark,

but I am coming with you
to tell the instructor

that my little baby
bruises very easily.

Yeah, Carol, why don't you
let the boy grow some hair,
you know what I mean?

Hey.
Girls.

Hey, you're just in time
to see the new intercom work.

Now you'll be able
to speak to anyone

in the house
without screaming.

JT, go upstairs,
let's test it.

All right.

Joy.
Another way for me to talk to JT.

What a helpful link
on the information
super highway.

Well, I like intercoms.

It's something else for me
to talk into, like the phone,
or my mirror.

Okay.

Here we go.

JT. Test, one, two, three.
Do you read me?

Loud and clear dad.
This thing works great.

Use the intercom, stupid!

Sorry, Dad.

No problem.

Frank, what are
all those buttons for?

You know, I'm glad you asked.

Because this is not
just an intercom.

This is a music system
for the entire house, look.

Boy. Country music. Yee-haw.

There's probably just
a few bugs left in it here.

Attention all units, attention all units!

Burglary in progress at Eighth and Main. Any unit in the vicinity...

Hey, Frank.
It picks up police calls.

That oughta make it
much easier to keep
track of your kids.

Has anybody seen
my sunglasses?

Yeah, you left them in the bathroom.

You sure?

Yeah, go look.

Man,
those voices are back.

At least this time
they're in English.

Hi, Cody.

What's the matter,
little dude?

I just got kicked out
of Karate class for
not being tough enough.

Well it's not
your fault, Mark.
That coach was a jerk.

He was one of those
muscle-bound morons

that keeps encouraging
the other kids to knock
each other's heads off.

I'm glad you're
not going back.

Well, that's easy
for you to say, Mom.

But for me, this is just
one more humiliating event
in my pathetic little life.

Now I'm never going
to be able to prove
I'm a man.

Well sweetie,
you will just always
be my little man.

Hey yeah, Carol,
why don't you let me
handle this?

All right Mark, I'll fix
your bubble bath for you.

You always like that,
don't you.

Dude.

Tell me about it.

If it was up to her,
I'd still be wearing
that little sailor outfit.

I hear ya, little cuz,
you know, my Mother
didn't understand me either.

Neither did my Dad...

Or any of my teachers.

Matter of fact, my dog
used to just stare at me
and just shake his head.

Well at least you
were a tough guy,
so nobody picked on you.

Yeah,
I wish. Man.

Hey, when I started Karate,

I was nothing but
a skinny sack of bones
just like you.

Sorry, dude.

Cody, I didn't want
to impose on you before,

but I'm desperate now.

You're a black belt.
Do you think you could
teach me Karate?

You bet, little cuz.

But I gotta warn you,
it's gonna be a lot of work.

I'm gonna to work you
night and day to get you
ready for that tournament.

Are you with me?
I'm with you.

I can't hear you!

I'm with you.
I still can't hear you!

I'm with you!

Let me see your war face!

Hi-yah!

Dude! Dude, dude...

I think I just pulled
a groin muscle.

Yeah, right.

We're ready, Cody.

That was great!

Was that
a professional Karate yell?

No,
there's this big honking
spider in my van.

Okay, Mark, first exercise
we're going to do
is the hand slap game.

Al, come here.
Put your hands
out palm up.

Now, Mark, put your
hands on top of hers.

Now, the object
of the game is to move
your hands out of the way

before Al can slap 'em.

Piece of cake.

I wasn't ready yet.

You ready now?

Yes.

Hey, Mark, dig it man.

There is a myriad of sounds

that you can
make in Karate,

but "ow" is not one
of them. Okay, dude?

No problem. I was just
getting warmed up.

Yeah.

Okay, Al, hit me
with your best shot.

- Okay, Al...
- Stop!

Okay, all right.

Cool.

Well at least now
we know, Mark can take
a beating.

Okay, we'll do
a different exercise.

What's the point, Cody?

I'm never going
to learn Karate.

Buck up, little cuz.
You know.

Hey, like they say in Alaska,
you know,

"Nome wasn't built in a day."

It's no use.
I can't do it.
I'm a loser.

You know
I hate to do this...

But I got no choice.

Theme from Rocky.
Works every time.

Frank, I can't stand this.

All these people here
are going to see my kid
get beaten to a pulp.

No, no, honey,
they're not here
to see that.

They're here to see
their own kids get
beaten to a pulp.

Come on, let's get
some good seats. Come on.

All right everybody,
take your seats, please.

Welcome to
the Port Washington Karate
Association Tournament.

Each match will be scored
on a point system.

The first one to reach
three points is the winner.

Okay, the first match
is between, Tommy Delaney...

This guy
looks like a killer.

...and Mark Foster.

I'm out of here.

Hey, Mark...

Now listen, dude,
you came here
to get respect,

well it's waiting
right over there.

Go out there and do it.

No, it's that Karate
coach that threw me out
of his class.

Well, well, well,
look who's here,
wimp boy.

Take him out
quick and hard.

Hey, c'mon Mark.

You know what, my guess,
he's fighting a major
bout of irregularity.

Gentleman,
bow to me.

Bow to each other.

Ready, fighting position!

Fight!

Point, Delaney.

Yeah, way to go Tommy.

It's alright little cuz man.
It's just one point,
all right?

Delaney one,
Foster zero.

Ready, fighting position.

Fight!

Point, Delaney.

Hey, Mark, dude,
I got great news.

There's a doctor
in the front row?

No better. Check it out.

I noticed that every time
that Delaney kid throws
a side kick at you,

he leaves himself
wide open for
a front vault kick.

Really?
Totally.

That's great!
Yeah...

You go in there
and kick him.

Now, Mark, don't you make me
break out that Rockytape
again... C'mon.

Come on, Tommy boy.
One more point.

We'll send Blondie here
back to ballet school.

Frank, make them stop.

Carol, I'm not going
to go out and embarrass Mark.

Well, I just hate this,
it's way too violent.

He's gonna be fine.

Fighting position.

Fight!

Yes! Yes! Yes!
That's it, Mark!

Kick his butt!
Show no mercy!

She just
gave up smoking.

Way to go, cuz.

I got him. I really got him.

Yeah, you did.
Okay now listen.

This time I want you
to do the same thing,
use the front leg.

All right.
Okay. Go for it.

Take him out, Tommy.
Because if you don't,
you're going to answer to me.

Delaney two,
Foster one.

Ready. Fighting positions.

Fight!

This side,
point, Foster.

All right.

Dude, one more point
and you got the match,
all right?

I know.
I want it so bad I can taste it.

Okay, now listen.
Remember what
I taught you, man.

Okay, Karate is not just
with the hands and feet.

It comes from right here
and from right here,
all right?

Go out there and do it.

Don't
forget to breathe.

Delaney two,
Foster two.

Next point wins, gentlemen.
Ready, fighting position.

Fight!

Point, match to Delaney.

Yeah! Way
to kick butt! Yeah!

You were great, Mark.

Yeah Mark,
we're really proud of you.

Well listen,
I just want to go home.

I'll meet you
guys in the car.

Sure.

Shake it off, bro!

I'm sorry, Cody.
For what?

For letting you down.
For being a loser.

Hey, man,
you are no loser.

Look, a month ago
you were nothing but
target practice for Al.

Well, you came out
here today and made

that tough dude over there
go the distance with you.

You came here to get
respect and you got it.

I guarantee you
nobody's going to be
jerking your jockeys again.

Thanks, Cody.
Yeah, come here man.

Aw, isn't that sweet?

Giving your student
a big hug.

What are you going
to do later, burp him?

Hey, come on, Mark.
Man, you ain't gotta
listen to this jive.

This guy's a punk.

Bye, girls.

Best thing to do in
a situation like this,
just ignore him.

- Yeah.
- Yeah?

Ignore this.

Second best thing to do
in a situation like this,

you kick the dude's butt
real good, okay?

All right,
it's you and me, cowpie.

Hey, Ref, dig it.

There's going
to be a little
brief exhibition match

between myself and this...

This coach.

- Bring it on, pal.
- Right on.

Gentlemen, bow to me.

Bow to each other.

So that's how
it's going to be?

All right.

This side,
point, Lambert.

Yeah!

Yeah, lucky point.
Try it again.

Don't mind if I do.

This side,
point, Lambert.

This side, point--

That's three points.
Lambert wins.

That's not fair.

I was just getting warmed up.

Well, that's cool, man.

I mean, we can do
best out of four or six,
or even ten.

Man, I like throwing
you around.

Yeah, me too.

Want a piece of me,
cowpie?

Mark, listen, Mark,
you cut it out, okay.

You're
on my list, pal.

I'm your worst nightmare!

What is that?

Is that the intercom?

No, Frank,
there's a Mexican wedding
in our living room.

Would you turn it off?
Yes, yes, okay, okay.

Dad, shut that thing off!
I'm trying to sleep!

I'm trying!

Breaker, breaker.

This is Rolling Thunder
up on Highway 81.

Anybody got their ears on?

Frank!
I'm trying, honey.

I'm trying.

Will you
shut that thing off?

It's a piece of junk!

Frank, would you
stop that thing?

All right.
It's finally quiet.

I think you got it, Dad!

Yeah! Good work!
Good night, Dad!

Yeah! Good night, Mom,
good night, Frank!

Good night, kids!

Good night, Brendan!

Good night, Karen!

Goodnight, Mary Ellen,

goodnight, Grandma,

goodnight, John Boy!