Step by Step (1991–1998): Season 3, Episode 5 - Trading Places - full transcript
Is it easier being a teen-ager or a parent? That's the question Frank and Carol hope to resolve with J.T. and Dana when they agree to "switch places" for a weekend. The exercise comes after J.T. and Dana refuse to do their share of the housework and complain that Frank and Carol seem to do nothing themselves.
[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]
"Find x and y
by solving Y in terms of X,
then substituting
to determine Y."
[SCOFFS] Yeah, right.
Hey, JT.
Hey, Cody. Do you know anything
about simultaneous equations?
Ah, you mean, like,
when you're working
with X and Y and you have
to solve Y in terms of X,
and then substitute
to determine Y?
Yeah.
No.
Sorry, dude.
Man, I'm never gonna
figure this stuff out.
Dexter.
Dexter, JT Lambert here.
Yeah, I'm just calling
to say congratulations
on being voted
President of the Math Club.
Hey, I think that's super.
Listen, I just finished
the algebra homework
and wanted to check
a couple of answers.
Yeah, what'd you get
for number one?
Yep. Yep, that's what I got.
What'd you get for number two?
Yup.
Why don't you run through the
rest of the answers real quick?
Yup.
Uh-huh.
Yup.
Yup, all right. Great!
Great, thanks a lot, Dexter.
All right, bye-bye.
Algebra, done!
Hello, Son.
Hi, Dad.
Hello.
Let me, uh...
throw that plate away for you.
No, really, I'll get it.
It's okay.
No. No, I insist. It's really--
JT: No, I'll get it!
Frank: I'll do it. I'll do it.
Oh, man!
JT, do your own homework.
Man, this stinks. I mean,
in 20 years from now
I'm not gonna need algebra.
You will if you're
still in high school.
[THEME SONG PLAYING]
Download MyTotal.TV to watch your favorite TV
www.mytotal.tv THE BEST TV APP
[SCREAMING]
♪ The dream wide broken
♪ Seemed like all was lost
♪ What would be the future?
♪ Could you pay the cost?
♪ You wonder
♪ Will there ever be
♪ A second time around?
WOMAN:
♪ Woah-a, woah-a
♪ When the tears are over
♪ And the moment has come
♪ Say "My lord,
I think I found someone"
♪ 'Cause you're Putting it together
♪ To be putting it together
♪ For the second time around
ALL:
♪ Step by step, day by day
WOMAN:
♪ Day by day
♪ A fresh start over
♪ A different hand to play
♪ The deeper we fall
♪ The stronger we stay
MAN:
♪ It will be better
♪ The second time around
ALL:
♪ Step by Step, day by day
WOMAN:
♪ We'll make it better
MAN:
♪ Second time around
[MUSIC PLAYING]
Aw, honey, look at this.
Some farmer in Sheboygan
grew a potato that looks
just like General Schwartzkopf.
Well, hot damn.
Let's throw the young ones
in the truck
and go have a look-see.
Mom, can I borrow the car?
Sorry, honey, I need it today.
For what?
Oh, nothing much.
I just have to pick up
the cleaning,
go to the post office,
take Al to soccer practice,
Brendan to little league,
go to the bank,
the hardware store,
the shoe repair
and the drug store.
You know,
just a joy ride kind of day.
Well, how am I
supposed to get to the library?
What, are your
legs broken? Walk.
Walk? It's almost a mile.
A mile?
Woah, Dana, you better
water up the camels.
Dad, I'm going to the park
to shoot some baskets.
Wait a minute, JT.
Did you do your homework?
Yeah, once.
But you tore up my plate.
JT, go upstairs,
finish your homework
and don't forget
it's your day to
mow the lawn.
Man, this stinks.
I can't wait until I'm an adult
and I can just goof off all day.
Is that what you think
we do, son? Goof off all day?
Well, look at the evidence.
I've got homework and chores,
and you're sitting there
on your keister,
reading the newspaper.
Yeah. For once, I agree with JT.
It's a lot easier
being a parent than being a kid.
Parents have all the power.
Power is good.
You know, one day
you'll have kids of your own
and you'll see
it's not as easy you think.
Yeah, I say that
we find out this weekend.
Yeah, you find the girl,
I'll have the kids.
No, JT. What I mean is,
let's try a little experiment.
This weekend,
we'll trade places.
Carol and I will be the kids,
you and Dana be the parents.
Frank, are you nuts?
No. No, honey.
I think this is going to be
very educational.
Dana will take on
your responsibilities
and JT will take on mine.
And, what are
we gonna be doing?
We're gonna be teenagers.
Ooh, I like this.
Yeah, me too.
Sounds like it's gonna be fun.
I'll tell you what,
let's make it more fun.
I'll bet you both
a whole month's allowance
that by the end
of the weekend,
you'll come crawling back,
begging to be teenagers again.
It's a bet.
[FRANK LAUGHING IN CONTEMPT]
So, we get to be the parents
and have the power?
That's right.
All of the power?
CAROL: Mm-hmm.
Power is good.
Okay. So, I'm the dad.
Guess the first thing I'll do
is strip down to my boxers,
scratch my butt
and do a little channel surfing.
[MARK SCREAMING]
Run for your life!
Dana is in charge!
[MUSIC PLAYING]
Okay, open up and say "ah."
Ah, looking good,
like a dipstick should.
That wasn't so bad now, was it?
Hey, the Slasher!
and the lovely Mrs. Slasher.
Hey, Codeman, thanks for getting
the bike ready so fast.
You're the greatest.
Now, Deb and I can take it
on our second honeymoon with us.
No problem, man.
Where are you guys going anyway?
Bismark, North Dakota.
Wow, Bismark.
The Club Med of the Black Hills.
That should be a lovely ride
this time of the year.
Oh, we'll be picking bugs
out of each other's teeth
for about a thousand miles.
Oh, Slash, you're so romantic.
Woah.
Love, American style.
Man, you guys are so lucky
to have found each other.
Hey, you're telling me.
Seemed like
the only guys I ever met
were losers and weirdos.
Until, Mr. Right
here came along.
Yeah, how did
you guys meet, anyway?
It was fate.
Kismet.
Destiny.
I put a personal ad
in a biker magazine.
That's the Slash.
Looking for love
in all the right places.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I keep a copy
of the ad in my wallet
for sentimental reasons.
All right.
Let me check this out.
"The Slash,
young, good-looking biker,
with tasteful tattoos,
and Harvard business degree,
seeks beautiful biker woman
for the long ride."
Woah--
How could I resist?
Oh, honey,
save some for Bismark?
You know, I've never been
a big fan of personal ads
but, I mean,
it worked for you guys.
Maybe, it can work for me.
I mean, out there somewhere
in some all-night
auto-parts store,
could be the girl
of my dreams,
you know?
With a can of Valvoline
in one hand,
and a set of wrenches
in the other.
That's such a beautiful picture.
CODY: Yeah.
[INDISTINCT TV NOISE]
Excuse me, son.
Oh, yeah, Dad?
Is this yours?
Oh, yeah.
I guess, I left it upstairs.
Well, what did you think
it was gonna do?
Walk downstairs,
jump in the sink
and wash itself?
Guy, Dad. Have a cow,
why don't you?
Well, I'm not gonna wash it.
You're gonna
wash it yourself, mister.
Duh.
Man, I'm beat.
I'm sick of doing laundry.
I mean, we're the parents right?
Why can't we
just burn this stuff
and buy them new clothes?
Look, don't tell me
your problems.
I've been
in this kitchen all day,
cooking for those brats.
"I'm hungry."
"I want a sandwich."
"Make me a hamburger."
What do they think this is,
a restaurant?
I'm hungry.
What's for dinner?
Spaghetti.
With mushrooms?
Ew, barf. I'm not eating that.
Yes, you are.
That's what's for dinner.
Tough. I'm eating cookies.
Hey, don't eat that.
Hey, spit it out! Now, come on.
Brendan, spit it out. Out!
Now, spit it out.
Brendan, you better
spit out that cookie!
Now! Spit it out!
Spit it out!
Spit it out, now! Out!
DANA: Spit it out.
Problem?
Mom?
No, uh...
Brendan, just ate
a little bit too fast.
She's trying to kill me!
Kids.
They say the darnedest things.
Now, run along
and wash up, you little scamp.
Oh, I won't be home for dinner.
Frankie's taking me
to the movies.
He's so cute.
Be back by 11:00.
That's your curfew.
Curfew? Huh.
Man, that is so lame.
I might as well be in prison.
Hey. Look, when you live
in your own house,
you can make your own rules.
But, until then,
you live by mine!
Ooh! That felt good.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
Man, I shouldn't
have to do this.
This is women's work.
Shut up and fold, cave boy.
Hey, we're home!
Ooh, folding laundry
on a Saturday night.
You parent
really know how to have fun.
Yeah, right.
Sounds like,
somebody might be ready
to admit it's not so easy
being a parent.
And give up a month's allowance?
Ha, no way.
That's fine with me.
I can go on being a kid, like...
forever.
Well, I guess
I better go to bed.
After all, I'm a teenager
and I have to be up by...
Monday.
Can you believe that?
She just went upstairs
empty handed.
What do I look like, a maid?
Don't walk away from me,
young lady.
Well, I guess I'll turn in too.
I got a big day
of watching football tomorrow.
And mowing the lawn.
I'll mow the lawn.
And washing the cars.
I'll wash the cars.
And doing your algebra homework.
Yeah-- Excuse me?
Well, you're me, remember?
You've got
a take home test on algebra.
You better do well.
'Cause I hear you're flunking.
JT, I don't do algebra.
Oh, sounds like somebody
might be ready to admit
it's not so easy
being a teenager.
Ready to quit?
When pigs fly.
Well, that might happen sooner
than you can do algebra.
Nighty night, son
[MUSIC PLAYING]
Hey, Dana.
That is a really,
good look for you.
Eat worms.
No thanks, I already had
your spaghetti last night.
Hey, I forbid you
to go anywhere
until you finish your homework.
Yeah, right.
Hey, Dana.
What can I have for breakfast?
Doughnuts, ice cream
or chocolate cake?
Eat whatever you want.
What do I care?
Gee, thanks!
You're a great mom.
Well, I'm off to the mall.
Uh, um...
[CLEARS THROAT]
Wait a second.
Car keys?
Excuse me?
I need the car
to go grocery shopping.
Well, how am I
supposed to get to the mall?
What's the matter?
Are your legs broken?
Walk.
[CAROL SIGHS]
[GRUMBLING] I don't like
any of this game at all.
Not so fast.
Checkbook?
What?
You're a teenager.
You don't have a checkbook.
Or credit cards. Gimme.
Okay.
You're the mom.
Oh, and uh...
take off some of that make up.
I don't want people to think
I'm raising a tramp.
You know, Dana,
I hope you're enjoying this,
because, tomorrow,
when I'm the mom again,
you're gonna pay for that one.
[LOW TEMPO MUSIC]
Hi, Cody.
Hey, the Kare Bear.
Doing a little nail maintenance?
Just, had to get away from Dana.
Smart move. I heard
it's a "tude" city in there.
What're you doing?
Oh, I'm writing a personal ad
to the Biker's Quarterly.
I'm on a quest
to find the babe of my dreams.
Cody, do you think
you can find love
in a motorcycle magazine?
Well, that's where I found
my bike, and I love that.
Can I hear what you wrote?
Wow, I'll be honored.
I mean, after all, you are
the family expert on love.
The Duchess of dating,
the Countess of courting,
our Fair Lady of the lip lock.
Oh, Cody,
you don't have to say that.
Well, it's true.
I know, I'm just practicing
being modest.
Okay. Well...
tell me if you think
this will net me a love trout.
"Young, level-headed, hog dude,"
that's me.
"Seeks tall, non-smoking,
bodacious babe, to share
long walks
and monster truck rallies.
Neil Diamond fans
need not apply."
What do you think?
Well, sounds okay.
But I think, you should say more
good things about yourself.
Well, you know, I was gonna
mention that I live in my van,
but I don't want
any gold diggers.
Yeah. Is this
the Get-Away Travel Agency?
Yeah, I have a little
scheduling problem here.
"If train A leaves Boston
at 7:00 a.m. and train B
leaves Portland at 9:00 a.m.
and they're both
going 60 miles an hour,
where and when will they meet?"
No. No, no, this isn't homework.
I really am going from Boston
to Portland.
Jerk.
Yeah.
Son.
You know, when you cheat,
you're only cheating yourself.
Come on, JT. Give me a break.
I've been out of school
for 20 years.
I can't do this stuff.
Well, then we'll just
have to get you a tutor.
And where are you going
to find a tutor, on a Sunday?
Mark!
Oh, no. You can't lock me
in a room with Mr. Wizard
and an algebra book.
Well, sure I can.
I'm the dad, remember?
Hello.
You rang, father?
Yes, yes. Your older
but slower brother
is having trouble
with his algebra.
Could you please help him
with chapter seven, please?
My pleasure.
Ooh, train problems.
You're having trouble
with these?
They are child's play.
Well, if it's so simple,
you figure it out.
Boston.
Portland... 60 miles an hour.
The answer is 2:43 p.m.
Central Standard Time,
the following day,
in Dubuque, Iowa.
Now, Mark... Mark, make sure
young Franklin does his work
on his own.
It's the only way
he's gonna learn.
Gee, Frank. The two of us
doing algebra together,
sounds like an equation for fun.
[MARK LAUGHING]
Bunch of slobs.
[MUFFLED MOANING]
[MOANING]
What's your problem?
My stomach hurts.
Maybe, it's something you ate.
I don't think so.
All I had was
a bag of doughnuts,
some ice cream
and a chocolate cake.
You ate all that junk?
You told me I could.
Well, I was being sarcastic.
I didn't think
you'd actually do it.
A real mom
would have stopped me.
Come on, you have to.
Get away from me.
I am tired of doing
things for you brats.
But I need a ride
to soccer practice.
Who cares?
JT,
You need to go to the drugstore,
Brendan has a stomach ache.
Too bad, I've been
running errands all day.
I have an emergency.
I need
a ride downtown, immediately.
I need a ride
to soccer practice.
Listen, you're not getting--
Yes, I am!
I need lip gloss!
I'm not getting you any--
You are supposed to be dad.
I don't care.
He always takes me.
I'm not doing it!
Shut up, you whiny little brats!
I think I'm gonna hurl.
I'm outta here.
I don't need lip gloss.
JT, do something.
Can't you hold until Monday?
All right, now, Mark,
just give me those answers.
Frank, you're not forming
good study habits.
Look!
[FRANK YELLING]
Hi, Mom. Bye, Mom.
I hate your son.
I hate my daughter.
What happened to you?
Dana made me walk
to the mall.
Do you know how far that is?
No, and I don't know what time
Train A gets there, either.
Frank, I have had it
with being a teenager.
Yeah, so have I.
Mom.
Dad.
We need to talk to you
about this trading places thing.
Look, you guys were right.
We can't handle being parents.
Yeah. Yeah, we give up.
That's too bad,
Carol and I
were really enjoying being kids.
We were hoping it could last out
till the end of the month.
Grow up, Frank.
The truth is, we forgot
how hard it is to be a teenager.
You don't have a car,
you don't have much money.
It is no fun having people tell
you what to do all the time.
I think, Carol learned
a real good lesson this weekend.
Well, we--
We all learned a lesson.
I forgot how hard algebra was.
I wouldn't be
a teenager again for anything.
I'll tell you what,
let's just call this bet even
and we'll get back
to normal, okay?
So, does this mean
that you guys are
the parents again
and we're the teenagers?
Yes.
Good, 'cause Brendan
just threw up all over his bed.
What? And you left it there?
What do you expect? We are kids.
Oh, come on, Frank.
Let's clean it up.
FRANK: Now?
CAROL: Yes, now.
FRANK: Can't we just
throw sawdust on it
and sweep it up later?
How long do you think
it'll be, before she remembers
that I still have
her credit cards?
[CAROL YELLING] Dana,
I want my credit cards back!
Boy, they got this
parenting thing down.
Hey, Cody. There's a letter here
and I think it's for you.
It's addressed to "Level-headed,
hog dude, in Port Washington."
Sounds like me.
Must be a response to my ad.
Yeah.
"Dear Cody,
I'm a non-smoking,
bodacious babe.All right.
I love long walks
and monster truck rallies."
No, way.
Sounds like the Codeman has a
reservation on the "Love Boat."
"As you can see
by the enclosed gift
"I really know my way
around a metal shop.
"I look forward to meeting you
in seven to ten years."
What's the gift?
Dude!
All right.
"Find x and y
by solving Y in terms of X,
then substituting
to determine Y."
[SCOFFS] Yeah, right.
Hey, JT.
Hey, Cody. Do you know anything
about simultaneous equations?
Ah, you mean, like,
when you're working
with X and Y and you have
to solve Y in terms of X,
and then substitute
to determine Y?
Yeah.
No.
Sorry, dude.
Man, I'm never gonna
figure this stuff out.
Dexter.
Dexter, JT Lambert here.
Yeah, I'm just calling
to say congratulations
on being voted
President of the Math Club.
Hey, I think that's super.
Listen, I just finished
the algebra homework
and wanted to check
a couple of answers.
Yeah, what'd you get
for number one?
Yep. Yep, that's what I got.
What'd you get for number two?
Yup.
Why don't you run through the
rest of the answers real quick?
Yup.
Uh-huh.
Yup.
Yup, all right. Great!
Great, thanks a lot, Dexter.
All right, bye-bye.
Algebra, done!
Hello, Son.
Hi, Dad.
Hello.
Let me, uh...
throw that plate away for you.
No, really, I'll get it.
It's okay.
No. No, I insist. It's really--
JT: No, I'll get it!
Frank: I'll do it. I'll do it.
Oh, man!
JT, do your own homework.
Man, this stinks. I mean,
in 20 years from now
I'm not gonna need algebra.
You will if you're
still in high school.
[THEME SONG PLAYING]
Download MyTotal.TV to watch your favorite TV
www.mytotal.tv THE BEST TV APP
[SCREAMING]
♪ The dream wide broken
♪ Seemed like all was lost
♪ What would be the future?
♪ Could you pay the cost?
♪ You wonder
♪ Will there ever be
♪ A second time around?
WOMAN:
♪ Woah-a, woah-a
♪ When the tears are over
♪ And the moment has come
♪ Say "My lord,
I think I found someone"
♪ 'Cause you're Putting it together
♪ To be putting it together
♪ For the second time around
ALL:
♪ Step by step, day by day
WOMAN:
♪ Day by day
♪ A fresh start over
♪ A different hand to play
♪ The deeper we fall
♪ The stronger we stay
MAN:
♪ It will be better
♪ The second time around
ALL:
♪ Step by Step, day by day
WOMAN:
♪ We'll make it better
MAN:
♪ Second time around
[MUSIC PLAYING]
Aw, honey, look at this.
Some farmer in Sheboygan
grew a potato that looks
just like General Schwartzkopf.
Well, hot damn.
Let's throw the young ones
in the truck
and go have a look-see.
Mom, can I borrow the car?
Sorry, honey, I need it today.
For what?
Oh, nothing much.
I just have to pick up
the cleaning,
go to the post office,
take Al to soccer practice,
Brendan to little league,
go to the bank,
the hardware store,
the shoe repair
and the drug store.
You know,
just a joy ride kind of day.
Well, how am I
supposed to get to the library?
What, are your
legs broken? Walk.
Walk? It's almost a mile.
A mile?
Woah, Dana, you better
water up the camels.
Dad, I'm going to the park
to shoot some baskets.
Wait a minute, JT.
Did you do your homework?
Yeah, once.
But you tore up my plate.
JT, go upstairs,
finish your homework
and don't forget
it's your day to
mow the lawn.
Man, this stinks.
I can't wait until I'm an adult
and I can just goof off all day.
Is that what you think
we do, son? Goof off all day?
Well, look at the evidence.
I've got homework and chores,
and you're sitting there
on your keister,
reading the newspaper.
Yeah. For once, I agree with JT.
It's a lot easier
being a parent than being a kid.
Parents have all the power.
Power is good.
You know, one day
you'll have kids of your own
and you'll see
it's not as easy you think.
Yeah, I say that
we find out this weekend.
Yeah, you find the girl,
I'll have the kids.
No, JT. What I mean is,
let's try a little experiment.
This weekend,
we'll trade places.
Carol and I will be the kids,
you and Dana be the parents.
Frank, are you nuts?
No. No, honey.
I think this is going to be
very educational.
Dana will take on
your responsibilities
and JT will take on mine.
And, what are
we gonna be doing?
We're gonna be teenagers.
Ooh, I like this.
Yeah, me too.
Sounds like it's gonna be fun.
I'll tell you what,
let's make it more fun.
I'll bet you both
a whole month's allowance
that by the end
of the weekend,
you'll come crawling back,
begging to be teenagers again.
It's a bet.
[FRANK LAUGHING IN CONTEMPT]
So, we get to be the parents
and have the power?
That's right.
All of the power?
CAROL: Mm-hmm.
Power is good.
Okay. So, I'm the dad.
Guess the first thing I'll do
is strip down to my boxers,
scratch my butt
and do a little channel surfing.
[MARK SCREAMING]
Run for your life!
Dana is in charge!
[MUSIC PLAYING]
Okay, open up and say "ah."
Ah, looking good,
like a dipstick should.
That wasn't so bad now, was it?
Hey, the Slasher!
and the lovely Mrs. Slasher.
Hey, Codeman, thanks for getting
the bike ready so fast.
You're the greatest.
Now, Deb and I can take it
on our second honeymoon with us.
No problem, man.
Where are you guys going anyway?
Bismark, North Dakota.
Wow, Bismark.
The Club Med of the Black Hills.
That should be a lovely ride
this time of the year.
Oh, we'll be picking bugs
out of each other's teeth
for about a thousand miles.
Oh, Slash, you're so romantic.
Woah.
Love, American style.
Man, you guys are so lucky
to have found each other.
Hey, you're telling me.
Seemed like
the only guys I ever met
were losers and weirdos.
Until, Mr. Right
here came along.
Yeah, how did
you guys meet, anyway?
It was fate.
Kismet.
Destiny.
I put a personal ad
in a biker magazine.
That's the Slash.
Looking for love
in all the right places.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I keep a copy
of the ad in my wallet
for sentimental reasons.
All right.
Let me check this out.
"The Slash,
young, good-looking biker,
with tasteful tattoos,
and Harvard business degree,
seeks beautiful biker woman
for the long ride."
Woah--
How could I resist?
Oh, honey,
save some for Bismark?
You know, I've never been
a big fan of personal ads
but, I mean,
it worked for you guys.
Maybe, it can work for me.
I mean, out there somewhere
in some all-night
auto-parts store,
could be the girl
of my dreams,
you know?
With a can of Valvoline
in one hand,
and a set of wrenches
in the other.
That's such a beautiful picture.
CODY: Yeah.
[INDISTINCT TV NOISE]
Excuse me, son.
Oh, yeah, Dad?
Is this yours?
Oh, yeah.
I guess, I left it upstairs.
Well, what did you think
it was gonna do?
Walk downstairs,
jump in the sink
and wash itself?
Guy, Dad. Have a cow,
why don't you?
Well, I'm not gonna wash it.
You're gonna
wash it yourself, mister.
Duh.
Man, I'm beat.
I'm sick of doing laundry.
I mean, we're the parents right?
Why can't we
just burn this stuff
and buy them new clothes?
Look, don't tell me
your problems.
I've been
in this kitchen all day,
cooking for those brats.
"I'm hungry."
"I want a sandwich."
"Make me a hamburger."
What do they think this is,
a restaurant?
I'm hungry.
What's for dinner?
Spaghetti.
With mushrooms?
Ew, barf. I'm not eating that.
Yes, you are.
That's what's for dinner.
Tough. I'm eating cookies.
Hey, don't eat that.
Hey, spit it out! Now, come on.
Brendan, spit it out. Out!
Now, spit it out.
Brendan, you better
spit out that cookie!
Now! Spit it out!
Spit it out!
Spit it out, now! Out!
DANA: Spit it out.
Problem?
Mom?
No, uh...
Brendan, just ate
a little bit too fast.
She's trying to kill me!
Kids.
They say the darnedest things.
Now, run along
and wash up, you little scamp.
Oh, I won't be home for dinner.
Frankie's taking me
to the movies.
He's so cute.
Be back by 11:00.
That's your curfew.
Curfew? Huh.
Man, that is so lame.
I might as well be in prison.
Hey. Look, when you live
in your own house,
you can make your own rules.
But, until then,
you live by mine!
Ooh! That felt good.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
Man, I shouldn't
have to do this.
This is women's work.
Shut up and fold, cave boy.
Hey, we're home!
Ooh, folding laundry
on a Saturday night.
You parent
really know how to have fun.
Yeah, right.
Sounds like,
somebody might be ready
to admit it's not so easy
being a parent.
And give up a month's allowance?
Ha, no way.
That's fine with me.
I can go on being a kid, like...
forever.
Well, I guess
I better go to bed.
After all, I'm a teenager
and I have to be up by...
Monday.
Can you believe that?
She just went upstairs
empty handed.
What do I look like, a maid?
Don't walk away from me,
young lady.
Well, I guess I'll turn in too.
I got a big day
of watching football tomorrow.
And mowing the lawn.
I'll mow the lawn.
And washing the cars.
I'll wash the cars.
And doing your algebra homework.
Yeah-- Excuse me?
Well, you're me, remember?
You've got
a take home test on algebra.
You better do well.
'Cause I hear you're flunking.
JT, I don't do algebra.
Oh, sounds like somebody
might be ready to admit
it's not so easy
being a teenager.
Ready to quit?
When pigs fly.
Well, that might happen sooner
than you can do algebra.
Nighty night, son
[MUSIC PLAYING]
Hey, Dana.
That is a really,
good look for you.
Eat worms.
No thanks, I already had
your spaghetti last night.
Hey, I forbid you
to go anywhere
until you finish your homework.
Yeah, right.
Hey, Dana.
What can I have for breakfast?
Doughnuts, ice cream
or chocolate cake?
Eat whatever you want.
What do I care?
Gee, thanks!
You're a great mom.
Well, I'm off to the mall.
Uh, um...
[CLEARS THROAT]
Wait a second.
Car keys?
Excuse me?
I need the car
to go grocery shopping.
Well, how am I
supposed to get to the mall?
What's the matter?
Are your legs broken?
Walk.
[CAROL SIGHS]
[GRUMBLING] I don't like
any of this game at all.
Not so fast.
Checkbook?
What?
You're a teenager.
You don't have a checkbook.
Or credit cards. Gimme.
Okay.
You're the mom.
Oh, and uh...
take off some of that make up.
I don't want people to think
I'm raising a tramp.
You know, Dana,
I hope you're enjoying this,
because, tomorrow,
when I'm the mom again,
you're gonna pay for that one.
[LOW TEMPO MUSIC]
Hi, Cody.
Hey, the Kare Bear.
Doing a little nail maintenance?
Just, had to get away from Dana.
Smart move. I heard
it's a "tude" city in there.
What're you doing?
Oh, I'm writing a personal ad
to the Biker's Quarterly.
I'm on a quest
to find the babe of my dreams.
Cody, do you think
you can find love
in a motorcycle magazine?
Well, that's where I found
my bike, and I love that.
Can I hear what you wrote?
Wow, I'll be honored.
I mean, after all, you are
the family expert on love.
The Duchess of dating,
the Countess of courting,
our Fair Lady of the lip lock.
Oh, Cody,
you don't have to say that.
Well, it's true.
I know, I'm just practicing
being modest.
Okay. Well...
tell me if you think
this will net me a love trout.
"Young, level-headed, hog dude,"
that's me.
"Seeks tall, non-smoking,
bodacious babe, to share
long walks
and monster truck rallies.
Neil Diamond fans
need not apply."
What do you think?
Well, sounds okay.
But I think, you should say more
good things about yourself.
Well, you know, I was gonna
mention that I live in my van,
but I don't want
any gold diggers.
Yeah. Is this
the Get-Away Travel Agency?
Yeah, I have a little
scheduling problem here.
"If train A leaves Boston
at 7:00 a.m. and train B
leaves Portland at 9:00 a.m.
and they're both
going 60 miles an hour,
where and when will they meet?"
No. No, no, this isn't homework.
I really am going from Boston
to Portland.
Jerk.
Yeah.
Son.
You know, when you cheat,
you're only cheating yourself.
Come on, JT. Give me a break.
I've been out of school
for 20 years.
I can't do this stuff.
Well, then we'll just
have to get you a tutor.
And where are you going
to find a tutor, on a Sunday?
Mark!
Oh, no. You can't lock me
in a room with Mr. Wizard
and an algebra book.
Well, sure I can.
I'm the dad, remember?
Hello.
You rang, father?
Yes, yes. Your older
but slower brother
is having trouble
with his algebra.
Could you please help him
with chapter seven, please?
My pleasure.
Ooh, train problems.
You're having trouble
with these?
They are child's play.
Well, if it's so simple,
you figure it out.
Boston.
Portland... 60 miles an hour.
The answer is 2:43 p.m.
Central Standard Time,
the following day,
in Dubuque, Iowa.
Now, Mark... Mark, make sure
young Franklin does his work
on his own.
It's the only way
he's gonna learn.
Gee, Frank. The two of us
doing algebra together,
sounds like an equation for fun.
[MARK LAUGHING]
Bunch of slobs.
[MUFFLED MOANING]
[MOANING]
What's your problem?
My stomach hurts.
Maybe, it's something you ate.
I don't think so.
All I had was
a bag of doughnuts,
some ice cream
and a chocolate cake.
You ate all that junk?
You told me I could.
Well, I was being sarcastic.
I didn't think
you'd actually do it.
A real mom
would have stopped me.
Come on, you have to.
Get away from me.
I am tired of doing
things for you brats.
But I need a ride
to soccer practice.
Who cares?
JT,
You need to go to the drugstore,
Brendan has a stomach ache.
Too bad, I've been
running errands all day.
I have an emergency.
I need
a ride downtown, immediately.
I need a ride
to soccer practice.
Listen, you're not getting--
Yes, I am!
I need lip gloss!
I'm not getting you any--
You are supposed to be dad.
I don't care.
He always takes me.
I'm not doing it!
Shut up, you whiny little brats!
I think I'm gonna hurl.
I'm outta here.
I don't need lip gloss.
JT, do something.
Can't you hold until Monday?
All right, now, Mark,
just give me those answers.
Frank, you're not forming
good study habits.
Look!
[FRANK YELLING]
Hi, Mom. Bye, Mom.
I hate your son.
I hate my daughter.
What happened to you?
Dana made me walk
to the mall.
Do you know how far that is?
No, and I don't know what time
Train A gets there, either.
Frank, I have had it
with being a teenager.
Yeah, so have I.
Mom.
Dad.
We need to talk to you
about this trading places thing.
Look, you guys were right.
We can't handle being parents.
Yeah. Yeah, we give up.
That's too bad,
Carol and I
were really enjoying being kids.
We were hoping it could last out
till the end of the month.
Grow up, Frank.
The truth is, we forgot
how hard it is to be a teenager.
You don't have a car,
you don't have much money.
It is no fun having people tell
you what to do all the time.
I think, Carol learned
a real good lesson this weekend.
Well, we--
We all learned a lesson.
I forgot how hard algebra was.
I wouldn't be
a teenager again for anything.
I'll tell you what,
let's just call this bet even
and we'll get back
to normal, okay?
So, does this mean
that you guys are
the parents again
and we're the teenagers?
Yes.
Good, 'cause Brendan
just threw up all over his bed.
What? And you left it there?
What do you expect? We are kids.
Oh, come on, Frank.
Let's clean it up.
FRANK: Now?
CAROL: Yes, now.
FRANK: Can't we just
throw sawdust on it
and sweep it up later?
How long do you think
it'll be, before she remembers
that I still have
her credit cards?
[CAROL YELLING] Dana,
I want my credit cards back!
Boy, they got this
parenting thing down.
Hey, Cody. There's a letter here
and I think it's for you.
It's addressed to "Level-headed,
hog dude, in Port Washington."
Sounds like me.
Must be a response to my ad.
Yeah.
"Dear Cody,
I'm a non-smoking,
bodacious babe.All right.
I love long walks
and monster truck rallies."
No, way.
Sounds like the Codeman has a
reservation on the "Love Boat."
"As you can see
by the enclosed gift
"I really know my way
around a metal shop.
"I look forward to meeting you
in seven to ten years."
What's the gift?
Dude!
All right.