Step by Step (1991–1998): Season 3, Episode 18 - Nightmare Weekend - full transcript
Frank decides to take Carol for a little week-end get away. But he unwittingly brings her to a place that he took one of his exes.
[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]
Good luck
getting the egg yolk
off of these dishes.
It's stuck on permanently,
it looks like.
Oh, yeah?
[WHIRRING]
Download MyTotal.TV to watch your favorite TV
www.mytotal.tv THE BEST TV APP
Egg yolk, gone...
[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]
[SCREAMING]
[THEME SONG PLAYING]
MAN:
♪ The dream got broken
♪ Seemed like all was lost
♪ What would be the future
Could you pay the cost
♪ You wonder
♪ Will there ever be
A second time around?
WOMAN:
♪ Woah-oh, woah-oh
♪ When the tears are over
And the moment has come
♪ Say "My lord,
I think I found someone"
♪ And no one would be better
♪ To be putting it together
For the second time around
ALL:
♪ Step by step
Day by day
WOMAN:
♪ Day by day
ALL:
♪ A fresh start over
A different hand to play
♪ The deeper we fall
The stronger we stay
MAN:
♪ We'll be better
The second time around
ALL:
♪ Step by step
Day by day
WOMAN:
♪ We'll make it better
MAN:
♪The second time around ♪
[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]
-Frank.
-Yeah.
I was just
going over my calendar
and I noticed
that this Saturday is
the twelfth.
Yeah.
Guess what happened
exactly three years ago
on that date?
Is that when George Bush
puked all over
that Japanese guy?
No, it has
something to do with us.
Well, I know
it's not our anniversary,
'cause that's right around
football season.
It's not your birthday,
'cause that's sometime
near Spring Training.
I... I don't have
a clue, honey.
It's kind of
a dead sports time,
you know.
Frank, Saturday
is the anniversary
of the first days we met.
You know, you never
remember anything.
I'm beginning to think
you're not very romantic.
[LAUGHS]
Well, I think I was pretty
darn romantic last night.
Asking me to play
"Night Nurse
and the Miracle Recovery?"
I don't think so.
Okay, I'll show you.
I am going to take you out
for a romantic weekend.
Yeah. I know how this goes.
I have to find the hotel,
I have to make
all the reservations,
I have to prepare
all the meals for the kids
No, no, no, no, no, no.
All you have to do is show up
and be romanced.
Huh? I'll take care
of everything.
Although,
if you do want to help,
uh, you could bring along
your nurse's uniform.
It's time
for my annual checkup.
Bye, Daddy. We'll miss you.
Yeah, yeah, okay,
I'm gonna miss you, too.
Here we go, okay.
-Bye...
-Bye-bye
-Bye-bye
-Bye-bye.
-Whoo, goodbye.
-Goodbye.
-Goodbye, sweetheart.
-Bye!
Oh, I love you all so much.
I'll miss you all so much.
-Bye-bye, okay.
-Be good, okay.
I love you.
I love you.
Okay, they're gone.
Brendan, break out the movie.
All right,
Chainsaw Slumber Party II.
[IMITATING CHAINSAW]
Yeah, all right...
Ha, ha...
This is the movie
critics called
"totally repulsive."
Okay, everybody,
prepare for carnage.
I think I'll pass.
There's something
about seeing pretty girls
with blood on their clothes
that makes me queasy.
Yeah, I'll pass, too.
There's something about
spending time with JT
that makes me queasy.
Hey, go take
a flea bath, barky.
Are you gonna wimp out,
too, wuss boy?
Why? These movies aren't scary.
The special effects
are so cheesy and obvious.
Only a child
would be frightened
by a movie like this.
[GASPS]
No way!
Chainsaw Slumber Party II.
Yeah, this movie
scared me to death!
[LAUGHS]
Uh, I don't know
if you smaller fries
should watch this.
Uh, how about a nice,
animated musical instead, huh?
Ewww, barf.
Can't we watch this?
Well, okay,
but once those limbs
start flying,
you guys
are gonna be begging me
for some singing dwarfs.
Hey, guys, check it out!
The chainsaw dude's
at the party.
He's hiding over
by the food table.
Huh! Don't look now,
but this meal
is about to cost somebody
an arm and a leg.
MAN OVER TV:
Hey, you with the chainsaw.
I don't remember
inviting you to this party.
[CHAINSAW WHIRRING]
Duck and cover!
Incoming chainsaw!
[MAN GROANING]
Give me a break.
That looks nothing
like human guts.
It's linguini
with clam sauce.
-Dude, no one said
it was Oscar material.
-[MAN SCREAMING]
The only thing scary
about this movie is that
you guys paid to rent it.
You know,
I bet if Mr. Logic Brain
were in a house
and strange things
started to happen,
he'd be plenty scared.
Yeah.
Hey, why don't we find out?
Let's play a little game called
"Freak the Geek."
I don't know, cuz.
I saw this movie once,
it was called,
The Revenge of the Guy
Everybody Made Fun Of.
Dude got a flamethrower,
I'm telling 'ya,
nobody's laughing now.
So, you don't think
it's a good idea
to scare Mark?
Not unless you want to end up
toasted like a marshmallow.
Anybody smell
something burning?
Oh, no, I left the oven
on in my van.
Dude, hope you guys
like your brownies
Cajun style.
You know,
maybe Cody's right.
Maybe we shouldn't scare Mark.
It might really mess him up.
-Yeah.
-Yeah.
[EXHALES]
Let's do it.
"Dear Producers of Baywatch,
"I loved your recent
episode entitled
Volleyball Vixens.
[DOOR CREAKING]
"Please send me
a photo of Tanya,
"the wild girl
from the canyons."
[DOOR CREAKING]
[DOOR CREAKING]
[DOOR SLAMS SHUT]
[SCREAMING]
Oh, this is too easy.
[MAN SPEAKING INDISTICNTLY
OVER TV]
Something wrong, Mark?
You look a little paler
than usual.
Uh, no, I'm fine.
I just thought I'd, uh,
come downstairs
and, uh, watch some TV
with you guys.
What are you watching?
- Bloodsucking Gravediggers.
-Goodbye.
[LAUGHING]
We got this little dweeb
shaking in his shorts.
Yeah, wait 'til after
he goes to sleep.
[MAN CONTINUES
SPEAKING INDISTICNTLY OVER TV]
What was that for?
For arranging
this whole weekend.
It really means
a lot to me, Frank.
You see,
I can be romantic.
And to prove it,
I brought along
the tape of love songs
just to set the mood
for the whole weekend.
[SLOW MUSIC PLAYING]
Oh, oh, Frank,
I love this song.
Do you remember
what we were doing
the first time we heard this?
Uh...
Frank!
Well, honey, you can't expect me
to remember every little thing
that happened to us?
They played this song
at our wedding.
Was I there?
[LAUGHING]
Oh, come on, honey,
so a few
of the little things
slip my mind.
Hey, when it comes
to the big,
important things,
Frank Lambert has a memory
like an elephant.
That's why I'm taking you
to The Mountain Peak Lodge.
Remember the romantic weekend
we spent there?
No.
So, now who's forgetful, huh?
[LAUGHING]
Frank, we never went
to the Mountain Peak Lodge.
We went to
the Mountain View Lodge,
but not
the Mountain Peak Lodge.
You are totally wrong.
We spent
a wonderful weekend there
in a big snowstorm.
Remember?
-A few years back.
-The snowstorm of '89?
-Exactly.
-Frank, do you remember
when we met?
Well, sure. June 1990.
Oh, dear.
I don't believe this.
You were there
with another woman,
weren't you?
This gonna put
a crimp in the weekend,
honey?
[SLOW INSTRUMENTAL
MUSIC PLAYING]
You sure you don't have
any rooms available?
Nothing?
Uh, thanks anyway.
Honey, I have called
every hotel in the area
and they're all booked up.
Well, I am not staying
in a place
where my husband
had a lovefest
with another woman.
Oh, come on, Carol.
So I stayed at this lodge
with someone else.
That was before I met you.
I have a past, you have a past.
Yes, but I didn't take you
on a guided tour of my past.
Okay, I'm sorry.
I messed up.
But don't let it ruin
the whole weekend.
I mean,
that was in the past
and we're here now,
and it's just you and me
and we should be
creating new memories.
-Well...
-Oh, come on, now.
Look, there's a beautiful fire
in the fireplace
and I can order champagne...
Well, I guess
I am being
a little oversensitive.
It is so rare
that we get away.
All right, let's just forget
all about this stuff
and have the best weekend
we've ever had.
Okay.
-[KNOCK AT DOOR]
-Bellman.
Hold that thought.
Come in.
Welcome back, Mr. Lambert.
Great to see you here again.
I think you've got me confused
with somebody else.
Frank Lambert.
Port Washington. Contractor.
I took the liberty
of having the front desk
put you in the same cabin
as last time.
Cabin number seven.
Or, as we now call it,
in your honor,
"The Love Shack."
Anything else I can do?
Oh, no, no, you've, uh,
you've done enough here.
Nice to see you again, Tammy.
Weren't you a redhead?
No, and my name is Carol.
And I'm his wife...
at least until I find a lawyer.
Whoa, taking the wife
to the same place
you took the old girlfriend.
Not real smooth, chief.
Get out!
Go, go, go, move, go!
Oh, golly, honey, you know,
a couple years from now,
we're gonna look back on this
and you're gonna laugh.
'Cause that's one of the things
I really love about you,
is your sense of humor.
Oh, I think you have me
confused with Tammy
the laughing redhead.
[LAUGHING]
Where,
where are you going,
honey?
I am going for a walk.
That's a good idea.
I'll come with you.
Or I... I could
stay here...
[EEIRIE MUSIC PLAYING]
[CREAKING]
[CREAKING CONTINUES]
[WHISPERING] JT?
JT?
[DOOR THUDDING]
JT! Wake up!
[SCREAMING]
Brendan! Brendan!
[SCREAMING]
[LAUGHING]
-You guys having
as much fun as I am?
-[ALL LAUGHING]
Call 911! Call 911!
A monster killed JT.!
And there's hands
and there's blood.
And there's everything
and...
-Mark, slow down.
-And JT got...
right with a knife...
[SCREAMING INDISTICNTLY]
-Dude, chill.
-And there's blood
and everything...
Okay, now,
listen to me very carefully.
There are no monsters, okay?
Those dudes are just messing
with your head because you
bagged on their movie, okay?
Wait a minute.
You mean,
this was just all a trick?
Like the time
they buttered
the toilet seat?
Well, that's about
the size of it.
Well, I'm going to trot
right back up there
and give them
a severe tongue lashing.
Mark, wait.
I got a better idea.
What's that?
Well, as the
Chinese philosopher,
Confucius, once said,
"Bu yow shun chee.
Yyee yah whan yah,"
right?
Cody, I don't speak Chinese.
No way,
was I talking Chinese?
Aw, dude.
Well, uh,
what I meant to say was,
"Don't get mad, get even."
Yeah, maybe
we should have a little
"chainsaw slumber party"
of our own.
I'm all ears, Cody.
Yeah, well,
one problem at a time there,
little dude.
[EXHALES]
-Hi.
-Hi.
Oh, Frank,
I don't want to fight.
I know you
didn't do this on purpose.
You were just trying
to be romantic
and you made a few mistakes.
So you're not mad at me?
No.
But I'm not going to be happy
staying in this place.
Why don't we just
get in the car and go home.
Okay, okay, but before we go,
can I show you something
I brought along?
It's from our past
and it means a lot to me.
All right, Frank,
but it better be
from our past.
Because if it's anymore
of this Tammy memorabilia,
you are a dead man.
Oh, no, I ... I'm sure
this belongs to you.
It's the dress
you were wearing
the first time I saw you.
I wanted to have
a candlelit dinner
and you wear that
so I could remind myself
how lucky I am to be with you.
Frank, this isn't the dress
I wore the first time we met.
I didn't say
the first time we met,
honey.
I said the first time
I saw you.
Well, aren't they the same?
No. I may forget
a lot of things,
but I definitely
remember this.
It was at the County Fair
and I'd taken the kids
and I was just about
to take a picture of them
when this woman
in a cotton summer dress
walked by
like something out of a dream,
and I thought to myself,
"That is the most
beautiful woman
"I have ever seen."
And she had the most
incredible smile.
So, I asked around
and found out
that she owned
this beauty salon.
So, I called up
and made an appointment
to get my haircut.
'Cause I had
to see her again.
Really?
Why else would
a construction worker get
his hair cut in a beauty salon?
Carol, from the first moment
I saw you,
I knew you were
the only woman
in the world for me.
Oh, Frank, I love you.
I love you, too.
Oh, Frank, oh, look.
It's ten forty-five.
Do you know
what happened
to us at exactly
ten forty-five
one night?
Oh, my God... no.
What?
Nothing...yet.
[ROMANTIC MUSIC PLAYING]
Love Shack! Ow!
[RAINING]
[THUNDER CLAPS]
[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING]
MAN OVER TV:
If you set foot in this room,
you won't have a foot.
Relax, Brendan.
It's just the TV.
What's going on?
Brendan forgot
to turn off the TV.
I did not!
Who cares?
Just turn it off.
[ELECTRICITY POWER DOWN]
Nice going, lamebrain.
You blew a fuse.
Relax, all right.
I'll get the flashlight
and go fix it.
Hurry up.
It's creepy down here
with the lights out.
[MOANING]
Cut it out, JT.
That's not funny.
It's not me.
[MOANING CONTINUES]
It's coming from over there.
Maybe we should get Cody.
Oh, yeah, great idea.
Let's get the guy who was
afraid to go to the bathroom
alone after the movie.
[ALL SCREAMING]
JT:
Oh, no!
We're trapped.
ALICIA:
We're gonna die!
[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC CONTINUES]
[EVIL LAUGHTER]
[ALL SCREAMING]
[SCREAMING CONTINUES]
[SCREAMING CONTINUES]
[LAUGHING]
We gotcha, dudes!
Yeah, and it was really great.
You guys are just a bunch
of scared little weenies.
[LAUGHING]
Okay, Dana,
you can take
your mask off now.
[GROWLING]
Oh, my God.
Who is that?
Yeah, if that's Dana,
then who's...
You'll find out.
[EVIL LAUGHTER]
[ALL SCREAMING]
[LAUGHING]
Thanks, Tracy.
No problem.
That worked like a charm.
I love being
the smartest person
in this house.
MAN: And action.
[CLATTERING]
Frank...
[LAUGHING]
I want to know
who's up there with her...
MAN: And action, Chris.
Wow, Tanya
really was the wild girl
from the canyons.
Boy, I hope I don't
have to scratch my nose.
You know, the oatmeal's
stuck to the bowls.
Why don't you just
fire up the blow torch?
That's not a bad idea.
[SMASHING]
Uh... Guess I shouldn't
have asked for a raise.
Good luck
getting the egg yolk
off of these dishes.
It's stuck on permanently,
it looks like.
Oh, yeah?
[WHIRRING]
Download MyTotal.TV to watch your favorite TV
www.mytotal.tv THE BEST TV APP
Egg yolk, gone...
[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]
[SCREAMING]
[THEME SONG PLAYING]
MAN:
♪ The dream got broken
♪ Seemed like all was lost
♪ What would be the future
Could you pay the cost
♪ You wonder
♪ Will there ever be
A second time around?
WOMAN:
♪ Woah-oh, woah-oh
♪ When the tears are over
And the moment has come
♪ Say "My lord,
I think I found someone"
♪ And no one would be better
♪ To be putting it together
For the second time around
ALL:
♪ Step by step
Day by day
WOMAN:
♪ Day by day
ALL:
♪ A fresh start over
A different hand to play
♪ The deeper we fall
The stronger we stay
MAN:
♪ We'll be better
The second time around
ALL:
♪ Step by step
Day by day
WOMAN:
♪ We'll make it better
MAN:
♪The second time around ♪
[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]
-Frank.
-Yeah.
I was just
going over my calendar
and I noticed
that this Saturday is
the twelfth.
Yeah.
Guess what happened
exactly three years ago
on that date?
Is that when George Bush
puked all over
that Japanese guy?
No, it has
something to do with us.
Well, I know
it's not our anniversary,
'cause that's right around
football season.
It's not your birthday,
'cause that's sometime
near Spring Training.
I... I don't have
a clue, honey.
It's kind of
a dead sports time,
you know.
Frank, Saturday
is the anniversary
of the first days we met.
You know, you never
remember anything.
I'm beginning to think
you're not very romantic.
[LAUGHS]
Well, I think I was pretty
darn romantic last night.
Asking me to play
"Night Nurse
and the Miracle Recovery?"
I don't think so.
Okay, I'll show you.
I am going to take you out
for a romantic weekend.
Yeah. I know how this goes.
I have to find the hotel,
I have to make
all the reservations,
I have to prepare
all the meals for the kids
No, no, no, no, no, no.
All you have to do is show up
and be romanced.
Huh? I'll take care
of everything.
Although,
if you do want to help,
uh, you could bring along
your nurse's uniform.
It's time
for my annual checkup.
Bye, Daddy. We'll miss you.
Yeah, yeah, okay,
I'm gonna miss you, too.
Here we go, okay.
-Bye...
-Bye-bye
-Bye-bye
-Bye-bye.
-Whoo, goodbye.
-Goodbye.
-Goodbye, sweetheart.
-Bye!
Oh, I love you all so much.
I'll miss you all so much.
-Bye-bye, okay.
-Be good, okay.
I love you.
I love you.
Okay, they're gone.
Brendan, break out the movie.
All right,
Chainsaw Slumber Party II.
[IMITATING CHAINSAW]
Yeah, all right...
Ha, ha...
This is the movie
critics called
"totally repulsive."
Okay, everybody,
prepare for carnage.
I think I'll pass.
There's something
about seeing pretty girls
with blood on their clothes
that makes me queasy.
Yeah, I'll pass, too.
There's something about
spending time with JT
that makes me queasy.
Hey, go take
a flea bath, barky.
Are you gonna wimp out,
too, wuss boy?
Why? These movies aren't scary.
The special effects
are so cheesy and obvious.
Only a child
would be frightened
by a movie like this.
[GASPS]
No way!
Chainsaw Slumber Party II.
Yeah, this movie
scared me to death!
[LAUGHS]
Uh, I don't know
if you smaller fries
should watch this.
Uh, how about a nice,
animated musical instead, huh?
Ewww, barf.
Can't we watch this?
Well, okay,
but once those limbs
start flying,
you guys
are gonna be begging me
for some singing dwarfs.
Hey, guys, check it out!
The chainsaw dude's
at the party.
He's hiding over
by the food table.
Huh! Don't look now,
but this meal
is about to cost somebody
an arm and a leg.
MAN OVER TV:
Hey, you with the chainsaw.
I don't remember
inviting you to this party.
[CHAINSAW WHIRRING]
Duck and cover!
Incoming chainsaw!
[MAN GROANING]
Give me a break.
That looks nothing
like human guts.
It's linguini
with clam sauce.
-Dude, no one said
it was Oscar material.
-[MAN SCREAMING]
The only thing scary
about this movie is that
you guys paid to rent it.
You know,
I bet if Mr. Logic Brain
were in a house
and strange things
started to happen,
he'd be plenty scared.
Yeah.
Hey, why don't we find out?
Let's play a little game called
"Freak the Geek."
I don't know, cuz.
I saw this movie once,
it was called,
The Revenge of the Guy
Everybody Made Fun Of.
Dude got a flamethrower,
I'm telling 'ya,
nobody's laughing now.
So, you don't think
it's a good idea
to scare Mark?
Not unless you want to end up
toasted like a marshmallow.
Anybody smell
something burning?
Oh, no, I left the oven
on in my van.
Dude, hope you guys
like your brownies
Cajun style.
You know,
maybe Cody's right.
Maybe we shouldn't scare Mark.
It might really mess him up.
-Yeah.
-Yeah.
[EXHALES]
Let's do it.
"Dear Producers of Baywatch,
"I loved your recent
episode entitled
Volleyball Vixens.
[DOOR CREAKING]
"Please send me
a photo of Tanya,
"the wild girl
from the canyons."
[DOOR CREAKING]
[DOOR CREAKING]
[DOOR SLAMS SHUT]
[SCREAMING]
Oh, this is too easy.
[MAN SPEAKING INDISTICNTLY
OVER TV]
Something wrong, Mark?
You look a little paler
than usual.
Uh, no, I'm fine.
I just thought I'd, uh,
come downstairs
and, uh, watch some TV
with you guys.
What are you watching?
- Bloodsucking Gravediggers.
-Goodbye.
[LAUGHING]
We got this little dweeb
shaking in his shorts.
Yeah, wait 'til after
he goes to sleep.
[MAN CONTINUES
SPEAKING INDISTICNTLY OVER TV]
What was that for?
For arranging
this whole weekend.
It really means
a lot to me, Frank.
You see,
I can be romantic.
And to prove it,
I brought along
the tape of love songs
just to set the mood
for the whole weekend.
[SLOW MUSIC PLAYING]
Oh, oh, Frank,
I love this song.
Do you remember
what we were doing
the first time we heard this?
Uh...
Frank!
Well, honey, you can't expect me
to remember every little thing
that happened to us?
They played this song
at our wedding.
Was I there?
[LAUGHING]
Oh, come on, honey,
so a few
of the little things
slip my mind.
Hey, when it comes
to the big,
important things,
Frank Lambert has a memory
like an elephant.
That's why I'm taking you
to The Mountain Peak Lodge.
Remember the romantic weekend
we spent there?
No.
So, now who's forgetful, huh?
[LAUGHING]
Frank, we never went
to the Mountain Peak Lodge.
We went to
the Mountain View Lodge,
but not
the Mountain Peak Lodge.
You are totally wrong.
We spent
a wonderful weekend there
in a big snowstorm.
Remember?
-A few years back.
-The snowstorm of '89?
-Exactly.
-Frank, do you remember
when we met?
Well, sure. June 1990.
Oh, dear.
I don't believe this.
You were there
with another woman,
weren't you?
This gonna put
a crimp in the weekend,
honey?
[SLOW INSTRUMENTAL
MUSIC PLAYING]
You sure you don't have
any rooms available?
Nothing?
Uh, thanks anyway.
Honey, I have called
every hotel in the area
and they're all booked up.
Well, I am not staying
in a place
where my husband
had a lovefest
with another woman.
Oh, come on, Carol.
So I stayed at this lodge
with someone else.
That was before I met you.
I have a past, you have a past.
Yes, but I didn't take you
on a guided tour of my past.
Okay, I'm sorry.
I messed up.
But don't let it ruin
the whole weekend.
I mean,
that was in the past
and we're here now,
and it's just you and me
and we should be
creating new memories.
-Well...
-Oh, come on, now.
Look, there's a beautiful fire
in the fireplace
and I can order champagne...
Well, I guess
I am being
a little oversensitive.
It is so rare
that we get away.
All right, let's just forget
all about this stuff
and have the best weekend
we've ever had.
Okay.
-[KNOCK AT DOOR]
-Bellman.
Hold that thought.
Come in.
Welcome back, Mr. Lambert.
Great to see you here again.
I think you've got me confused
with somebody else.
Frank Lambert.
Port Washington. Contractor.
I took the liberty
of having the front desk
put you in the same cabin
as last time.
Cabin number seven.
Or, as we now call it,
in your honor,
"The Love Shack."
Anything else I can do?
Oh, no, no, you've, uh,
you've done enough here.
Nice to see you again, Tammy.
Weren't you a redhead?
No, and my name is Carol.
And I'm his wife...
at least until I find a lawyer.
Whoa, taking the wife
to the same place
you took the old girlfriend.
Not real smooth, chief.
Get out!
Go, go, go, move, go!
Oh, golly, honey, you know,
a couple years from now,
we're gonna look back on this
and you're gonna laugh.
'Cause that's one of the things
I really love about you,
is your sense of humor.
Oh, I think you have me
confused with Tammy
the laughing redhead.
[LAUGHING]
Where,
where are you going,
honey?
I am going for a walk.
That's a good idea.
I'll come with you.
Or I... I could
stay here...
[EEIRIE MUSIC PLAYING]
[CREAKING]
[CREAKING CONTINUES]
[WHISPERING] JT?
JT?
[DOOR THUDDING]
JT! Wake up!
[SCREAMING]
Brendan! Brendan!
[SCREAMING]
[LAUGHING]
-You guys having
as much fun as I am?
-[ALL LAUGHING]
Call 911! Call 911!
A monster killed JT.!
And there's hands
and there's blood.
And there's everything
and...
-Mark, slow down.
-And JT got...
right with a knife...
[SCREAMING INDISTICNTLY]
-Dude, chill.
-And there's blood
and everything...
Okay, now,
listen to me very carefully.
There are no monsters, okay?
Those dudes are just messing
with your head because you
bagged on their movie, okay?
Wait a minute.
You mean,
this was just all a trick?
Like the time
they buttered
the toilet seat?
Well, that's about
the size of it.
Well, I'm going to trot
right back up there
and give them
a severe tongue lashing.
Mark, wait.
I got a better idea.
What's that?
Well, as the
Chinese philosopher,
Confucius, once said,
"Bu yow shun chee.
Yyee yah whan yah,"
right?
Cody, I don't speak Chinese.
No way,
was I talking Chinese?
Aw, dude.
Well, uh,
what I meant to say was,
"Don't get mad, get even."
Yeah, maybe
we should have a little
"chainsaw slumber party"
of our own.
I'm all ears, Cody.
Yeah, well,
one problem at a time there,
little dude.
[EXHALES]
-Hi.
-Hi.
Oh, Frank,
I don't want to fight.
I know you
didn't do this on purpose.
You were just trying
to be romantic
and you made a few mistakes.
So you're not mad at me?
No.
But I'm not going to be happy
staying in this place.
Why don't we just
get in the car and go home.
Okay, okay, but before we go,
can I show you something
I brought along?
It's from our past
and it means a lot to me.
All right, Frank,
but it better be
from our past.
Because if it's anymore
of this Tammy memorabilia,
you are a dead man.
Oh, no, I ... I'm sure
this belongs to you.
It's the dress
you were wearing
the first time I saw you.
I wanted to have
a candlelit dinner
and you wear that
so I could remind myself
how lucky I am to be with you.
Frank, this isn't the dress
I wore the first time we met.
I didn't say
the first time we met,
honey.
I said the first time
I saw you.
Well, aren't they the same?
No. I may forget
a lot of things,
but I definitely
remember this.
It was at the County Fair
and I'd taken the kids
and I was just about
to take a picture of them
when this woman
in a cotton summer dress
walked by
like something out of a dream,
and I thought to myself,
"That is the most
beautiful woman
"I have ever seen."
And she had the most
incredible smile.
So, I asked around
and found out
that she owned
this beauty salon.
So, I called up
and made an appointment
to get my haircut.
'Cause I had
to see her again.
Really?
Why else would
a construction worker get
his hair cut in a beauty salon?
Carol, from the first moment
I saw you,
I knew you were
the only woman
in the world for me.
Oh, Frank, I love you.
I love you, too.
Oh, Frank, oh, look.
It's ten forty-five.
Do you know
what happened
to us at exactly
ten forty-five
one night?
Oh, my God... no.
What?
Nothing...yet.
[ROMANTIC MUSIC PLAYING]
Love Shack! Ow!
[RAINING]
[THUNDER CLAPS]
[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING]
MAN OVER TV:
If you set foot in this room,
you won't have a foot.
Relax, Brendan.
It's just the TV.
What's going on?
Brendan forgot
to turn off the TV.
I did not!
Who cares?
Just turn it off.
[ELECTRICITY POWER DOWN]
Nice going, lamebrain.
You blew a fuse.
Relax, all right.
I'll get the flashlight
and go fix it.
Hurry up.
It's creepy down here
with the lights out.
[MOANING]
Cut it out, JT.
That's not funny.
It's not me.
[MOANING CONTINUES]
It's coming from over there.
Maybe we should get Cody.
Oh, yeah, great idea.
Let's get the guy who was
afraid to go to the bathroom
alone after the movie.
[ALL SCREAMING]
JT:
Oh, no!
We're trapped.
ALICIA:
We're gonna die!
[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC CONTINUES]
[EVIL LAUGHTER]
[ALL SCREAMING]
[SCREAMING CONTINUES]
[SCREAMING CONTINUES]
[LAUGHING]
We gotcha, dudes!
Yeah, and it was really great.
You guys are just a bunch
of scared little weenies.
[LAUGHING]
Okay, Dana,
you can take
your mask off now.
[GROWLING]
Oh, my God.
Who is that?
Yeah, if that's Dana,
then who's...
You'll find out.
[EVIL LAUGHTER]
[ALL SCREAMING]
[LAUGHING]
Thanks, Tracy.
No problem.
That worked like a charm.
I love being
the smartest person
in this house.
MAN: And action.
[CLATTERING]
Frank...
[LAUGHING]
I want to know
who's up there with her...
MAN: And action, Chris.
Wow, Tanya
really was the wild girl
from the canyons.
Boy, I hope I don't
have to scratch my nose.
You know, the oatmeal's
stuck to the bowls.
Why don't you just
fire up the blow torch?
That's not a bad idea.
[SMASHING]
Uh... Guess I shouldn't
have asked for a raise.