Step by Step (1991–1998): Season 3, Episode 17 - Pretty Woman - full transcript

[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]

[GRUNTS]

[CODY INHALES DEEPLY]

What are you yahoos doing?

BRENDAN: Cody's giving us
a karate demonstration.

Yeah. He's going
to break these boards
with his head.

You're kidding.

It's all a matter of physics.

I mean, you know,
when it comes to density,

my head is a lot thicker
than this wood.

[CHUCKLES] Well,
what can I say?
Knock yourself out.



Now, remember, kids,
I'm a professional.

Do not try this at home.

[GRUNTS SOFTLY]

[YELLS]

Okay, that was
a practice swing.

Cody, maybe you better stop.

Oh, no way.

I just got my forehead
all nice and flat.

Yeah.

[GRUNTS SOFTLY]

[YELLS]

Good news, I think I heard
something crack.

Okay.

This time we go for broke.



[GRUNTS]

[SCREAMS]

Is it me, or is it just
getting dark in here?

Boy, I sure hope
kids don't try
this at home.

[THEME SONG PLAYING]

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♪ The dream, got broken

♪ Seemed like all was lost

♪ What would be the future

♪ Could you pay the cost

♪ You wonder

♪ Will there ever be
A second time around?

♪ Woah-a, woah-a
When the tears are over

♪ And the moment has come

♪ Say, "My lord,
I think I found someone"

♪ You know it would be better

♪ To be putting it together
For the second time around

♪ Step by step
Day by day

♪ A fresh start over

♪ A different hand to play

♪ The deeper we fall
The stronger we stay

♪ And we'll be better
The second time around

♪ Step by step
Day by day

♪ We'll make it better

♪ The second time around ♪

Okay, Mrs. Schmidt,
here's your coffee.

Carol, I sure hope this
makeover is gonna
make me glamorous.

[COUGHS]

Oh, don't worry.
Just go back in the shop,
get under the dryer,

and in no time at all,
you'll look just like
Cybill Shepherd.

Or a German Shepherd.

Carol, did you wash
my hockey jersey?

Yeah, doesn't it look nice?

No. You washed
all the blood stains out.

How am I supposed to
intimidate people
if I'm "whiter than white?"

Gee, I'm sorry, Al.
Well, maybe Mark will
have one of his nosebleeds

and drip all over it.

I hope so.

Mom, I need your help.
Mmm-hmm.

You know that
modeling audition
I have tomorrow?

Well, I've been trying out
some new facial expressions

to show the photographer
my range.

This shouldn't take long.

Al.

Go ahead, honey.
Okay.

I call this,
"Caught By Surprise."

[GASPS]

This, I call,
"Deep in Thought."

Now, be brutally honest.
What do you think?

I think you're an idiot.

Al, Al.

You know, I'm really
getting sick of this.

Why are you
always insulting me?

Hey, we drew straws.

JT got Dana,
I got you.

Oh, who cares
what you think anyway?

Mom, what did you think
of my facial expressions?

Well, I think you're
very talented. [CHUCKLES]

But what's wrong with
just being yourself?

Being myself isn't enough.

They're looking for
the official StopJeans Girl.

They're scouring
malls nationwide,

looking for the girl
whose face says, "Stop."

Well, your face certainly...

Go ahead, honey.

If I get this job, my face
will be on billboards
across the country.

I better go upstairs.

I still have to work on
"Joy," "Anguish"

and "Truly Moved by
an Inexpensive Gift."

Hey, Carol,
I got a look for you.

"I'm Your Daughter
and I'm Brain dead."

Frank, I know you
and your buddies
are going to play poker,

and I was wondering
if, maybe tonight,

I could sit in
with the big dogs?

Mark, uh, poker's, uh,

it's a man's game.

Exactly my point, Frank.

I've been raised by women.

I need some manly
influence in my life.

I want to be
a five card stud!

Well, Mark,

I wouldn't feel right
about letting you gamble,

but if you want to hang out
with us guys tonight,

you can, uh,

you can be in charge
of snacks, okay?

Really? You mean,
I get to be the caterer?

Do the guys like Brie?

Only if she pops out of a cake.

[DOORBELL RINGS]

Okay, the boys
are back in town!

Hey, Frank.

Hey, hey.
Table is set up.

Hey, how you doing? Hi.

Hey, guys, wait a minute.
Where's Floyd?

Floyd.
Floyd's wife wouldn't
let him play.

Why not?

Ah, she said she wanted
to go out to dinner.

She said something
about their twenty fifth
wedding anniversary.

Women.

Well, enough
of this small talk.

We gotta find a fourth guy
to play poker with us.

Yeah, yeah.

Hey, Uncle Frank.
Huh?

You're not going
to believe this.

You know what
I just found out?

Little Michelle on Full House

is actually two people.

Life is just full of
disappointments, huh?

It sure is.

Cody, we're a man short.
You got any money?

Yeah.
Good, you're in.

Five card stud,
nothing wild.

I bet a buck.

Oh, no, wait, hold on.

You know, I am not
a gambling man.

Oh, why's that, Cody?
Afraid of losing?

Well, no. I'm what you
call a born winner.

A lucky stiff.

I got the Midol touch.

See, I've only gambled
once in my life,

and it nearly ruined me.

Yeah, and it all
started innocently enough.

You know, I was playing
bingo on a Navajo reservation.

After I won the first
seventy two games
in a row, I figured,

"Okay, beginner's
luck," right?

But it didn't stop there.

I didn't just win at Bingo.

I won at Keno,
Roulette, Black Jack.

I even won at
"Guess the Chief's Weight."

I couldn't figure out
why I kept winning,

and then this old dude
explained it to me.

He said, "It's the curse."

Wait, who, who said
it's a curse?
Some old Indian?

No, some old insurance salesman
from Spokane, Washington.

He said that once a century,

the deities that be

point a fickle finger of fate
at some poor sap
and curse him with good luck.

Well, Uncle Frank,
I am that poor sap.

You know,
I'm listening real hard,

but I still don't know
what the boy
is talking about.

Well, don't you get it?

Too much
good luck is a curse.

Nobody likes you
if you win all the time.

That's why I don't want
to take a chance

on starting my
good luck streak again.

Uh, guys, just a second here.
Cody, come here,
let me talk to you.

Listen, if, if I could guarantee
that you don't win,
would you consider playing?

Well, yeah. But how could
you be sure I wouldn't win?

Well, when was the last time
you played poker?

When I was eleven.

Oh, I'll guarantee
you won't win.

Okay, but I hope Lady Luck
doesn't shake her
groove thing at me tonight.

Yeah, yeah, yeah,
he's in, guys, he's in.

Well, all right.
Settle down here.

George, you want to move it!
You're in my lucky chair.

Okay, guys, five card draw.

Nothing's wild.

No check and raise
and pot limit
on the betting, okay?

Here we go.

Okay, George, talk to me.

Give me three.

Three? Oh, George wants three.
Okay, Virg?

I'll take two.

Two for Virg.

Cody?

Hey, Uncle Frank.

Is four kings a good hand?

Just about as good
as you can get.

[SIGHS] I knew it.

I'll take four.

The Codeman wants
one, two, three and four.

Dealer takes one.

I bet a buck.

I'll see your buck.

Uh, Cody,

you're going to have to
look at your cards.

[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING]

[SCREAMS]

Okay, everybody.

The photographer will be
ready to take a look
at you in a minute.

[INDISTINCT CHATTER]

How do I look?

Am I wearing
too much makeup?

Not enough?

Do I look stylish,
yet not too perfect
to be the girl next door?

Sure.

Look, this audition
better not take long.

Relax, Al. It'll just
take a few minutes,

then we'll go down
to the sporting goods store

and we'll get you
your hockey bat.

Carol, it's not a bat,
it's a stick.

Look, that's Tim Yates.

He's a famous
New York fashion photographer.

Hello, everybody.

I'm Tim Yates,
the famous New York
fashion photographer.

As you know, I've been
combing the country looking
for the StopJeans Girl.

Basically, I'm sick and tired
of living out of a suitcase,

so, uh, hopefully,
one of you girls
is the right one.

[CHUCKLES]

Oh, by the way, uh,
sucking up
won't do you any good.

I'm not seeing it.

This campaign is "Jeans
With An Attitude."

All I see here is pretty.
Pretty is bad?

No, pretty's been done.

I wish for once,
I could find a girl who had
a little bit of an edge.

Edge.

Yo, maestro, what is
the holdup here?

Al!
Pick a prissbag and move on.

Shh.

She didn't mean
to interrupt.

No, no, it's okay. It makes me
feel like I'm back in New York.

Come here, honey.

Who're you calling "honey?"

Love the attitude.

I'm seeing "edge" here.

What's your name?

Al.

How would you like
to be a model?

No way.

Pays two hundred
bucks an hour.

Hey, hey, I'm your man.

All right.

[SCREAMING]

This is so unfair.

I kill myself
to get this modeling job

and all she does is
show up, act rude,

and she's the one they hire.

Hey, when you're hot,
you're hot.

And I guess I'm hot
and you're not.

Al.
Shut up,
you little grub worm.

Karen.
Oh, make me, Barbie.

All right, can it.

You know, I am sick
of all this arguing.

So just knock it off,
button it,
stick a sock in it...

Hi, Carol.

Hi, Marion.
How are you?

Love your purse.

Have I made myself
perfectly clear?

Mother, I'm not going to
sit around while this no good,
back stabbing little...

Hey, Karen.

Hi, Bobby. [GIGGLES]
See you at the game.

Nice haircut.

Well, I don't remember
what I was saying,
but you stink.

And you don't have a clue
about what it takes
to be a model.

Oh, right. It's really hard to
stand there and look like
a brain dead moron.

Hey, Al.
Shut up. I'm in the middle
of an argument.

You are so rude.

Oh, eat my shorts.

All right!

There will be
no more name calling

and no more suggestions
that people eat things.

Okay, fine.

As far as I'm concerned,
the argument is over.

But can I say one thing?

Sure.

You might think
modeling's easy,

but when you're up there,
under those hot lights,

with twenty people
telling you how to smile,

how to stand,
"look over here,
look over there,"

you're gonna choke.

Are you through?

Sure.

Good. Al, would you
go get your hockey
bat thingie?

And, Karen,
would you sit down?
I want to talk to you.

Fine.

Karen, I know how important
this modeling job was to you,

and I am sorry
you did not get it,

but that is no reason
to lash out at Al.

I can't believe this.
You're taking her side.

No, I am not taking
anyone's side.

I'm treating you
both the same.

Well, that's not the way
it's supposed to be.

I'm your daughter,
she's just your step-daughter.

Oh, is that the way
you still think of her?
As just a step-sister?

Well, she is, isn't she?

Well, technically, yes.

But I don't think of us
as Fosters and Lamberts,

I think of us as one family.

We live in one house.

We care about each other.

And frankly,
after almost three years,

I would think that you would
feel the same way, too.

I'm sorry, but I don't.

Aw, geez.

You know...

You...

Well, I hope you're
happy, Uncle Frank.

You guaranteed me
I wouldn't win at poker,

but I did win, didn't I?

And I've had nothing
but good luck all day,
and it's all your fault.

Cody, you played one hand
of poker, you won,

and ran screaming
from the house.

Now, what's the problem?

The curse.
That's the problem!

Yeah.

I went down to the hardware
store this morning
to get myself some spackle.

Ooh, sure, sounds
innocent enough.

But, what I didn't know
is that I'd be their
ten thousandth customer

and win a hundred bucks.

Yeah.

Yeah, you know, I felt guilty
about the money, so I tried
to spend it all in one place.

Do you have any idea how much
spackle you can buy
for a hundred bucks?

Cody, just relax.
There is no such thing
as a good luck curse.

Oh, yeah? Well, then
explain this if you will.

I was so overwrought
by that whole spackle debacle,

that I went over to
7-Eleven, you know,
to get myself a Slurpee.

I give the guy a buck,
he gives me
a quarter back, right?

Ah, but not just any quarter.

He gives me a Civil War quarter
from the Civil War,
worth eight hundred bucks.

Yeah, you think
I got a lot of spackle,

you should see
how many Slurpees I've got
in the back of my van.

Cody, if you're that upset,
why don't you just stay
in the house and lay low, huh?

I'm sure nothing good
is gonna happen to you here.

Yeah, from your mouth
to God's ears.

[PHONE RINGS]

[SHATTERING]

Would you get
the phone for me, Cody?

Hello, Lambert residence.
Cody Lambert speaking.

My favorite radio station?

WRGB. Why?

Oh, great.

Yeah, I won a cruise
to the Bahamas.

She's almost ready.
She's almost ready!

What am I, deaf?

Here comes the kid!

You look great, honey.

Thanks.
She's a little nervous.

Yeah, perfectly natural.

Uh, Al, honey, I want you
to meet some people.

This is Betty Jenkins
and Marty Green
with McCormick Advertising.

Hi.
Hi.

Yeah, uh, Al, honey,
come on over here

and stand in the light
so we can get a look at you.

Hmm.

I thought she'd be taller.

She's sweating like crazy.

Somebody wipe her down.

BETTY: She doesn't
look very happy.

Doesn't she smile?

Al, give us a smile, honey.

BETTY: That's not a smile.

No, bigger smile, sweetheart.
Show us some teeth.

MARTY: Has she ever
done this before?

No, it's her first time.

I was afraid of that.

She looks sick.

You're not gonna hurl,
are you, honey?

Uh, look,

it's really hot out here.

I need some air.

Al, where are you going?

Oh, I thought I'd go
for a little walk.

Where?
Home.

Hey, are we working or what?

Look, Mr. Famous New York
Fashion Photographer,
we need a minute.

Hey, who's in charge here?

Me. We're taking a break.

We're taking a break.

Look, Al, I know
you're nervous,
but you're going to do great.

No, I'm not.

Karen's right.

I don't know
how to be a model.

I just want to go home.

Well, I, I don't want
to force you to do anything
you don't want to do.

I'll, uh, I'll go talk
to the photographer

and tell him he has
to get another model.

Mom, wait.

Karen, what are
you doing here?

Well, I came to watch
Al fall on her face,

but I kind of
changed my mind.

Can I talk to her
for a second?

Please?

Sure.

What do you want?

Look, I was really jealous
about you getting the job.

But, when I saw what
a hard time you were
having up there,

I felt really bad for you.

Wait a minute.
You felt bad for me?

Hey, I know what it feels
like to be up there
in front of those lights.

It's scary.

Everybody's picking at you
and talking about you
like you're a piece of meat.

I know what
you're going through,

and it's really important
for us to stick together.

Why? 'Cause we're models?

Because,

because we're sisters.

Really?

You think of me
as your sister?

Well, yeah.

Oh, that's so sweet.

Thanks, Karen.
That's really nice.

But I still can't get
up there and do this.

Yes, you can.

All you need is an attitude.

What kind of attitude?

That "edge" thing.

Just get up there and be
that rude little snot

that they loved so much
at the audition.

Hey, I can do that.

All right, let's
carve this turkey.

I got a hockey game
in three hours.

You know, Karen,
sometimes you
really surprise me.

Sometimes I surprise myself.

All right, let's see why
people call me a genius.

[SIMPLY IRRESISTIBLEPLAYING]

♪ Simply irresistible

♪ Simply irresistible she's so fine there's no tellin where the money went

♪ Simply irresistible
She's all mine,
there's no other way to go

♪ Simply irresistible she's so fine there's no tellin where the money went

♪ Simply irresistible ♪

I really appreciate
you helping me, Dana.

There you go,
I think it's dry.

Go ahead,
move your finger.

Perfect. Okay,
step number four,

[EXPLOSION]

What was that?

Just Cody working
in the backyard.

[GASPS]

Hey, Code,
are you all right?

Yeah. Never better,
Uncle Frank.

The acetylene tank just
blew up in my van.

Nearly took my head off.

And that's a good thing?

Yeah, buddy.

Well, don't you guys get it?

I just had
an industrial accident.

That's bad luck.

That means my
winning streak is over.

Now I can just put out
the fire in my van,

and, uh, kick back
and enjoy life.

I'm coming, Lucille.