Step by Step (1991–1998): Season 3, Episode 10 - Sister Act - full transcript
Karen asks Dana to help her break the ice with a cute guy named Michael, but the man asks Dana out instead. Later, Dana is talking with one of the Foster sisters' mutual friends, and Dana re-enforces the idea that Karen and Michael are not dating. Unknown to Dana, J.T. is tape-recording the private telephone conversation. Later, J.T. plays back the tape to Karen, who then realizes that Dana has snared the guy that she had her eye on; J.T. hopes that, by sharing his ill-gotten knowledge, Dana and Karen will get into such a violent fight both of them will kill each other. Karen is upset and calls Michael up, telling him that Dana is 14 years old. Michael breaks off the relationship, informing her that her "older" sister revealed the information. Dana goes home to confront Karen, but cooler heads prevail - Karen admits she is jealous of Dana, whose biggest asset is her brains. Dana reassures Karen that she is smart, funny and beautiful and all is well. In the end, not only does J.T.'s plan never come to pass, he (and Al and Brendan as well) all get taught a hard lesson about listening in on private phone conversations. In the subplot, Frank's anxiety over dancing at various receptions he and Carol are guests at is the result of his inability to dance. Cody helps Frank get over his problem.
hurry up. We're going to
be late for the wedding.
What is taking her so long?
Well, hey, Uncle Frank,
it's not that easy
to put on pantyhose when
you got long fingernails.
Carol doesn't have long
fingernails.
Well, then she's just
messing with your head, dude.
Frank.
Do I look fat in this dress?
Honey, you look fantastic.
That dress looks really
great on you.
I'll go change.
Messin' with your head, buddy.
Hey, Dana burger.
Hey, don't bother me.
You got it.
So, whatcha doing?
Well, I was reading.
A Brief History of Time.
I wonder if they got
A Brief History of Newsweek?
It's not about Time magazine.
It's about the
theory of relativity
and the origins of
the universe.
The great
mysteries of life.
I've pondered quite
a few of those myself.
Like, what really was the
purpose of Stonehenge?
How did they build
the great pyramids?
Why did Thurston Howell
the Third
take so much luggage
on a three hour tour?
Here's something I've pondered
Why won't you leave me alone?
Good question.
Hi, guys.
Cody, I need to talk to Dana.
It's kind of "girl talk."
Cool.
You mean "girl talk" like
just girls?
Beam me up, Scotty. I'm on
the planet of the chicks.
So, what's up?
This great guy
came into the diner.
His name is Michael.
He's rich, he's gorgeous,
and he's got a great car.
Sounds perfect for you.
Well, there is one problem.
He's really smart.
Well, thank goodness
you found out now,
before you got married and had
a bunch of smart children.
No, no, see, see,
what I mean is,
he's interested in
intellectual stuff.
So, I need you
to talk to him.
Why?
Because I need a scout.
See, you find out what
he's interested in,
then I'll read up
on it so I can
fake a conversation with him
until we're kissing.
Then he won't care
what we're talking about.
Karen, why would
I do this for you?
Because we're sisters.
So?
We're friends.
So?
I'll keep Cody away from
you for two weeks.
Deal.
Come on, Carol. Would you stop
with the silent treatment?
It's because I didn't dance with
you at the wedding, isn't it?
I am not speaking to you.
Fine.
Get back here. I'm not
done not speaking to you.
I sat at that wedding
for three hours
while every woman danced
except me.
You danced.
Right,
with your 92 year old Uncle Ned,
who kept grabbing my butt.
He is old, he has to have
something to hold on to.
Frank, just give me three
good reasons why you won't dance
and then I'll drop
the whole thing.
I hate it,
I can't do it,
and when I try,
I feel like a complete fool.
Well, those are
pretty thin excuses.
Penny, table twOKo's
order's ready.
Okay, Dana, I know
Michael is gorgeous,
but when he comes in,
play it really cool.
Table 14, pick up.
That's him! That's him! That's
him! That's him! That's him!
Yeah, yeah, yeah,
very cool, Karen.
Now, why don't you
go in the kitchen
before you scare him away?
Okay.
Hi.
Hi.
Can I help you?
Yeah, sure. Let me have
a cheese danish to go, please.
"The Beat Generation"?
Yeah. The Beat Generation
was the term--
That Jack Kerouac used to
describe his generation
of writers
and poets in New York
in the fifties.
That's right.
I'm partial to
Allen Ginsberg myself.
Really? Me, too.
My favorite is Howl.
"I saw the best minds
of my generation
destroyed by madness."
"Starving,
hysterical, naked,
dragging themselves through the negro streets at dawn
looking for an angry fix--"
"Angelheaded hipsters
burning for
"the ancient heavenly connection
"to the starry dynamo
in the machinery of night--"
"Who poverty and tatters
"and hollowed eyed and high
Sat up smoking
in the supernatural
"darkness of cold water flats
"floating across
the tops of cities--"
"Contemplating jazz."
That's amazing.
I've never met anybody who
knew that poem other than me.
Neither have I.
I hope you like this.
How much?
I hope you like it a lot.
No, no, I mean, how much
for the cheese danish?
It's a dollar.
Hey, listen, they're doing
a reading of some of
Ginsberg's early works
tonight at Langley College.
Would you like to go with me?
Well, I can't really do that.
See, my sister kind of...
well, she really wanted to...
Well, she's a drip so who
cares what she wants?
Great.
Great, I'll, pick you up
at seven at your place.
Where do you live?
You don't have to come
to my house.
Up and ready.
Hey, how about if
I meet you in
front of the student union
building?
Okay, I'll I'll see you
there at seven thirty?
Yeah, okay.
Okay.
Yeah.
Okay.
Bye.
Bye.
Four hamburgers,
getting cold.
Well, what was he like?
Tell me everything.
He was so quiet,
I couldn't find out a thing.
Nothing?
Don't worry.
I'm going to keep talking
to him every chance I get.
It may take weeks,
it may take months,
but I'm going to keep
talking to him...for you.
Dana, you're the best.
I wouldn't go that far.
I'm telling you,
he is gorgeous.
We went to a poetry
reading last night
and we're going to dinner
and a movie tonight.
No, Linda, I did not steal
Michael from Karen.
He's not her boyfriend.
Hey, whose side are you on?
No, no, I don't have any reason
to feel guilty.
Look, I gotta go before
Karen comes in.
Alright. I'll talk
to you later. Bye.
Well, what'd she say?
Come on, what'd she say?
Dana is stealing
Karen's boyfriend!
Dude.
Guys, it's moments like this
that makes all those hours
of recording Dana and Karen's
boring phone calls worthwhile.
You know, I just had
an interesting thought.
If we told Karen this,
she'd kill Dana.
Yeah.
Chick fight.
Chick fight.
Chick fight.
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Ha ha. Yeah,"Fishin' Magician?"
Look, I gotta go.
Who was that?
Some jerk trying to sell me
something over the phone.
Look, Frank, you know,
I've been thinking.
I know this dancing
thing is awkward for you,
but I think I've come up
with a solution.
I bought this "Learn How
To Dance" kit.
Honey, would you drop
the dancing thing?
I don't make you do
things you don't want to do.
Right, like it
was my idea to
ride that pig
at the state fair.
Now, that was fun.
Frank, I rode a pig for you,
you can learn to dance.
Okay,
Okay, here. You put
the music on,
and I'll set up
the dance floor.
See, this kit comes with these
little plastic feet
with numbers on them. And you
just lay them down on the floor
and then you follow along.
Well, now, honey, I'm warning
you, my mom tried to teach me
how to dance when I was 13.
That's why she has that limp.
Come on, Frank,
just give it a try.
Okay!
Now,
one two three,
one Frank,
the pink feet are mine.
Well, I'm sorry, I saw
a three and went for it, okay?
Well, Frank, concentrate.
Carol, I hate this
dancing thing.
I don't want to
do it anymore.
Well, that's great, Frank.
I ask you to do one little thing
but you won't do it.
Fine, if that's the way
you want it, fine.
See if I ride anymore
pigs for you.
And one, two, three.
Aren't we having fun?
Shut up!
Hey, Karen.
Got something for you.
A baseball bat?
Why would I want that?
I don't know.
Go down to the batting cage,
hit a few fungos,
kill Dana in her sleep.
JT, what are you talking about?
You know that guy Michael
you're so hot for?
Dana's been dating
him for a week.
What?
Yep. She's meeting him down
at the 50's Cafe in an hour.
You're lying.
If only I were.
No, Linda, I did not
steal Michael from Karen.
He's not her boyfriend.
No, Linda, I did not
steal Michael from Karen.
He's not her boyfriend.
I'll kill her.
Okay, alright.
Now, remember,
swing with your whole body.
No, bruises heal.
But emotional pain
lasts a lifetime.
I like the
way you think.
What are you going to do?
Watch and learn.
Hello, Michael?
This is Karen Foster,
Dana's sister.
There's something you need
to know about Dana.
I hate to be the
one to tell you,
but she's not 18,
she's 14.
Life is good.
Order fries, pick up.
I never thought I'd say this,
but Karen is a genius.
Dana is gonna die.
There she is.
Show time.
Hi. You look nice.
Listen, I think
we need to talk.
What's wrong?
I think you know
what's wrong.
Dana, we can't keep
seeing each other.
Why not?
The age thing.
You're 21 and I'm 18.
What's the big deal?
Come on, Dana. I spoke to
your big sister, Karen.
She told me you're only 14.
14?
I'm not 14, I'm 18.
Dana, this isn't funny. I could
get in a lot of trouble.
Look, Karen is lying.
She said you'd say that.
I am not 14.
Do I look 14?
No, not with all that
makeup and those fake
boobs.
Hey, these boobs are
real, buddy!
Excuse me, this is
a private conversation!
Dana, Dana,
Dana, take it easy. Look, there
is nothing wrong with being 14.
It's a wonderful age.
Don't be in such
a hurry to grow up.
Hey, Dana.
JT, thank God you're here.
Gee, is there some sort
of a problem?
Yes. Tell Michael how old I am.
Okay, sure, sure. You just
had a birthday, right?
Right.
Okay. She's fourteen.
Tell the truth. Tell the truth.
Tell the truth.
Tell the truth.
Take it easy. Take it easy.
You know, they hit
puberty and
their hormones just
go crazy, you know?
I'm going to kill Karen.
She used to be such
a sweet little girl.
Hey, Uncle Frank.
Hey, Cody.
Hey, what's wrong?
Did you eat one of those
burritos off the truck again?
No. Carol's mad at me.
Well, no wonder. You tracked
paint all over the floor.
Cody, these are used to
teach you how to dance.
Carol's mad at me
because I won't learn.
Why is it women
make such a
big deal out of us
dancing with them?
Well, Uncle Frank,
it all goes back
to ancient times.
Now, when tribal male would be
invited to a social gathering,
the male would be perfectly
happy to sit by the fire
and just stare into the flames.
This, of course, was
before cable television.
The women, on the other hand,
craved human contact.
You know, they needed
to be close
to their men, to know
they were loved.
Well, I want Carol to know
that I love her, but
what am I gonna do?
I just can't dance.
Hey, if I can dance,
anybody can dance.
You know how to dance?
Yeah, buddy.
I do the Tango, the Mambo,
the Samba, the Fox Trot,
the Cha cha cha and a pretty
mean Bossa Nova,
if I do say so myself.
Where did you
learn all that?
Well, I was supposed
to take guitar lessons,
but I went in the
wrong building.
I don't know what to do.
Carol is so mad at me.
Uncle Frank,
for the sake of your
marriage, I'm going to say
something to you I never thought
I'd never hear myself say.
What?
May I have this dance?
I don't have time right now.
But later, I'm going to have
a lot of questions.
You conniving little snake.
Now, now. Is that any way
for a 14 year old to talk?
You had no right to do that.
And you had no right to
steal my boyfriend.
Michael was never
your boyfriend.
He would have been,
if it wasn't for you.
You're just mad because for
once, a guy picked me over you.
You cheated.
What difference does it make?
You're gonna find another
guy in two seconds anyway.
You always do. Just flutter
your eyelashes and
smile and guys fall all
over you.
It's easy for you.
For me?
You're the one
who has it easy.
I have to flirt, I don't have
all the things you have.
Please.
It's true.
You're smart, you're funny, and
you always know what to say.
You can have any guy you want.
If I was you, I wouldn't have
to work so hard to get guys.
Wait a minute.
Are you saying you're
jealous of me?
Well... yeah.
I can't believe this.
You're the one
who's always saying
that guys aren't interested
in a girl's mind.
Well, I just say that because,
you know,
I'm not very smart.
Yes, you are.
You're smart and
you're beautiful.
That's why you get all
the guys.
I'm just smart.
What are you talking about?
You're gorgeous.
No, I'm not.
Of course you are.
Hey, I spend a lot
of time listening in
on guys' conversations
at school
and, believe me,
they think you're hot.
The guys at school really
think I'm hot?
I can't believe you
didn't know that.
Well, I can't believe that you
don't know that you're smart.
Dana, you don't
have to say that.
Yes, I do.
Because you
need to hear it.
You're a lot smarter than
you give yourself credit for.
Well, if I'm so smart, why don't
I get the same grades you do?
Because you don't study for
19 hours a day.
Unlike me,
you actually have a life.
And besides that,
you have people smarts.
You know how
to size people up,
how to handle
tough situations,
how to tell a guy I'm 14 and
make me look like a jerk.
Yeah, I guess I am
kind of smart.Yeah.
Thanks, Dana.
I'm glad you're my sister.
Me, too.
Here, Mom,
I found these dishes
under JT's bed.
You might want to
let them soak for a while.
Well, I've got a
big test tomorrow
so I'm gonna go to bed early.
Okay. Goodnight, honey.
Goodnight.
Don't forget to
brush your teeth.
Okay. Okay.
And don't go to sleep if your
hair's still wet.
And remember,
when you grow up,
make sure you dance
with your wife.
Carol, would you come
in the living room?
Well, Frank, I'm kind of busy.
Please, honey,
it'll just take a minute.
Fine.
What's going on?
May I have this dance?
You learned to dance?
When? How?
It all started when Cody
went to take guitar lessons.
Believe me,you' re better
off not knowing the rest.
This is so sweet of you.
And you're good, too.
So light on your feet.
That's what Cody says.
Are you sure JT will
fall for this?
I guarantee it.
I got it.
Linda? Perfect timing.
Okay, now, put down the phone,
we'll take it from here.
Karen, it's for you.
It's a boy.
Hi, Jimmy, I'm so
glad you called.
You know, I've been
thinking about
what we can do on our
date Friday night.
Let's go for a drive
and then park in a
nice, dark, romantic place.
Then, let's get in the
back seat,
and then, here's what
we're going to do.
Are you listening?