Step by Step (1991–1998): Season 2, Episode 24 - Double Date - full transcript

[instrumental music]

Hi, honey.

Oh, hi, Frank.
I'm glad you're home.

I have to go to the store
and I don't have any cash.

Do you have $20?

Oh, probably.
Yeah. Yeah.

Uh, one, two, three

four, five.

Uh..

Hey, there's a ten-spot!
Ha-ha!

Frank, I can't believe
that's how you carry your money.



Why? What's wrong with it?

Well, it's spread out
all over the place.

I mean you're bound to lose
your money that way.

Carol, I know exactly how much
money I have at all times.

Oh, really, you wanna tell me
how much money I pulled

out of your pockets when I did
the laundry last week?

- Four bucks.
- Eighty-seven dollars.

So why are you
buggin' me for $20?

Go to the hamper and get it
yourself. Ha ha ha!

- Hey, Uncle Frank, Carol.
- Hi, Cody.

Hi, Code, how you doin'?

Color me ticked off.

Infuriated, irate, hot.

- Steamed.
- You're angry.



No, no, I wouldn't say that.
I'm..

Just a little bit upset.

You know, while I was
at the gym workin' out

somebody broke into my van
and ripped off my stereo.

- Cody, that's terrible.
- Tcha!

It's gonna cost like a couple
hundred bucks to replace.

I don't know if I got
that kind of money. Huh? Tch..

Let me see here..

Oh, yeah. One, two..

Two and a ten-spot! Ha ha!

[sighs]
Oh, God. It's genetic.

[theme song]

[screaming]

♪ The dream got broken ♪

♪ Seemed like all was lost ♪

♪ What would be the future? ♪

♪ Could you pay the cost? ♪

♪ You wonder ♪

♪ Will there ever be ♪

♪ A second time around ♪

♪ Whoa-a whoa-a ♪

♪ When the tears are over ♪

♪ And the moment has come ♪

♪ Say my Lord I think
I found someone ♪

♪ You know it will be better ♪

♪ 'Cause you're
putting it together ♪

♪ For the second time around ♪

♪ Step by step ♪

♪ Day by day ♪♪ Day by day ♪

♪ A fresh start over
a different hand to play ♪

♪ The deeper we fall
the stronger we stay ♪

♪ And we'll be better ♪

♪ The second time around ♪

♪ Step by step day by day ♪

♪ We'll make it better ♪

♪ The second time around ♪♪

[instrumental music]

Come on in, Eileen,
I'll get you some coffee

while we wait for your son.

Well, thanks.
This is really nice of you.

Oh, it's my pleasure.

There you go.

- Thanks.
- Have a seat.

So how do you and your son like
living in Port Washington?

Oh, I love it.

But Freddie's having a little
trouble making friends.

He wants to go
to the spring dance next week

but he's too shy to ask anyone.

We went through the same thing

when we moved to Chicago
two years ago.

Well, I'm sure he'll have an
easier time in Port Washington.

I mean, it's a small town
and the kids

are really down to earth.

Good news! Ha ha!

The tiara I ordered from
Bloomingdale's has arrived!

I- is it just me
or do I look fabulous?

I'd like to present my daughter,
Princess Karen.

This is Mrs. Donovan.

- Hi, nice to meet you.
- Nice to meet you too.

[knocking on door]
I'll get it.

Oh, hi. You must be Freddie.

- Come on in. I'm Carol.
- Hi.

And this is my daughter, Karen.

I- I've seen you
around school. Hi.

Sweetheart,
I was just telling Carol

how much you wanna go
to the spring dance.

Mom!

Tsk. Don't be shy.
All the kids are going.

You're going, aren't you, Karen?

- Well, hopefully.
- Karen..

Don't you have a date yet?

- Well, no, bu--
- Oh! This is perfect!

You two can go together.

'That way you'll meet
lots of kids'

and Karen is the most
popular girl at school.

- Mother!
- Well, it's true.

- Well, hey, this is great.
- Oh, it's wonderful.

Listen, we have got to run,
but thanks a million!

Oh, sure!

- Bye-bye!
- Bye-bye. Bye.

Oh! Isn't this great?

I just love when things
work out like this.

What?

Uh..

What? What? What?

Karen!
What are you so upset about?

Mother, at the spring dance

they give an award
to the perfect couple.

And there is no way
I'm going to win

if I go with Freddie Donovan.

[scoffs]
He's a 142.

Freddie's a 142?
I don't understand.

A bunch of us girls at school

devised a system for sorting out

the choice guys
from the rejects.

- You mean a rating system?
- Exactly.

There are seven categories.

Looks, hair, car, clothes,
money, body, and other.

What about intelligence,
a sense of humor or personality?

I said "Other."

Karen, I love you a lot,
but you are a very sick child.

Oh, mom, it gets better.
Go ahead, Karen.

Take her
down the shallow brick road.

Each category is scored
one through ten.

Then multiplied by a factor

reflecting its relative
importance.

Looks, 3.7.

Money, 3.2.

And other,.001.

She's been turning down dates
for the dance all week.

She wants to go
with Jeffrey Russell.

He's a 195.

And now that can't happen.

And I'll never win
the perfect couple contest

because you stuck me with a 142.

I can't believe
girls use a rating system

to decide which boys
are worth dating.

Do boys use this system, too?

No, theirs is much simpler.

They only have one category, mom

and your numbers would
stack up very well.

[instrumental music]

Uh, there you go, baby.

Yeah, I know you're really upset
about this whole robbery thing

but just try to relax
and get into the rub-down, okay?

Cody, am...I interrupting
something?

Oh, hey, Uncle Frank,
nah, I was..

...just having a little chat
with Lucille.

You know, ever since
that robbery thing

she's been feeling a little
you know, vulnerable.

Yeah, I can see this robbery
has really messed up..

...both your heads.

So...I bought you a car alarm.

Oh, gee, Uncle Frank, uh..

I know you're trying
to help and everything, but..

You know, I don't wanna end up
a prisoner to my possessions.

Cody, everything you own
is in that van.

Yeah, I guess you're right.

I mean, this time,
it was just my stereo.

Next time it might be
my Chia Pet.

- Help, help!
- Come here, you little..

[clamoring]

[Mark screaming]

Whoa! Hey, hey, hey, hey..

Hold on, whoa,
hold on! Hold on! Wait!

Hey, hey, hey,
what is going on here?

They're trying to kill me.

That is not true,
I just wanted him

to help me with my homework.

Al, hook him up to the battery.

Ow, no, wait.
Stop. Stop hooking that.

Drop it. Drop it, drop it.

Alright. Now.
Explain yourself, J.T.

Okay, I came up with this
really cool science project.

"The Effects Of Electricity
On Living Things."

And your idea was to hook

a nine-volt battery up
to your stepbrother.

Well, I didn't wanna waste
two bucks on a rat.

Okay, new rule.

You may not kill
your stepbrother

without asking me first.

Aw, man.

[instrumental music]

Oh, brats!

I hate when this happens.

This is so unfair.

I should be going to the dance
with Jeffrey Russell.

Not Gilligan.

Come on, give Freddie a chance.
Maybe he's a terrific guy.

Whoa!

Hi, Karen.

Hi, Jeffrey.

You'll have to excuse her.

She's been blowing up
so many balloons

I think she's a little
light-headed.

Hey, I understand.

I always have
a strong effect on women.

You know, you're right.

Suddenly I'm feeling
a little queasy myself.

Hey, listen, Karen

I, uh, wanted to talk to you
about the dance.

Yes!

I haven't even asked you
the question.

Oh, I'm sorry. Go ahead.

Would, uh, you like to go to
the dance with me tomorrow?

Yes!

Great. I'll pick you up at 7:00.

Ciao.

Karen, what are you doing?

You can't go to the dance
with Jeffrey.

You already have a date
with Freddie.

Freddie who?

Oh, yeah.
That Freddie.

[instrumental music]

- Hi, honey!
- Hi.

- I bought you a present.
- Alright.

Frank, don't you think
you should unplug that toaster?

[chuckles]
Honey, that's for people who
have no idea what they're doin'.

[screams]

So, what'd you buy me?

Well, I was thinking about
the way you carry your money

and I know we don't see
eye to eye on this

but in the spirit
of compromise..

...I'd like you to change.

[laughing]

This is for you.

[sighs]
Thanks, honey, I..

A purse?

[sigh]
Oh, Carol,
you bought me a purse?

It's not a purse.
It's a financial organizer.

In fact, the salesman in the
store called it a "Men's valet."

Yeah, I can just
stick my stuff in here

and throw it over my shoulder.

- Yeah.
- Then, it's a purse!

Oh, Frank,
don't be ridiculous.

Lots of guys
carry these things.

Here, let's try it..
Try it on.

[whimpering]
No!

[whining]
No! No!

Frank, come on,
it looks good.

No one's gonna think
it's a purse.

Hey, Uncle Frank.
Nice purse.

[instrumental music]

And not only that,
Jeffrey's got a great car.

And perfect hair.

Well, as impressive
as Jeffrey's hair may be

dumping Freddie is cruel.

Not if it's handled
with sensitivity, diplomacy--

- And deceit.
- Exactly.

Watch and learn.

[coughing]
Hello, Freddie?

This is Karen.

[coughing]
Listen, Freddie.
I'm sorry, but..

I'm really sick.

Would you stop?
You're being rude!

[coughing]
Anyway..

...I hate to do this to you
at the last minute

but, uh, I don't think
I'm gonna be able..

[coughing]
...to go to the dance tomorrow.

[sniffling]
Thanks for being
so understanding.

Bye.

See?
That's how it's done.

Now, Freddie's feelings
aren't hurt

and I can go to the dance
with Jeffrey.

Tsk. I'm impressed.

How about you, mom?

Oh, yeah,
I'm real impressed.

[instrumental music]

Now, mom. Don't overreact.

I'm sure Karen has
a perfectly good explanation

for telling a bald-faced lie
to a very nice young man.

Karen?

Dana, you want
a piece of this too?

Uh-oh! Time to leave.

I can't believe you would tell
a lie to get out of a date.

This whole thing
is all your fault.

You're the one who
stuck me with Freddie.

Oh, I stuck you with Freddie.

I stuck you with Freddie?

Di.. Oh, okay.
I stuck you with Freddie.

A- and maybe I was wrong
to do that

but that's no reason
for you to hurt him.

He won't get hurt. He's never
going to know the truth.

He'll be sitting at home
doing whatever 142s do.

You know, Karen,
that is what bothers me

about this whole thing.

Freddie is no longer
a person to you, he's a number.

Well, it's not right.
People have feelings.

Even if their car and their hair
don't add up to 195.

Does this mean
you're gonna make me

go to the dance with Freddie?

No. No. Iam not going
to make you do anything.

You're old enough
to make your own decision.

I just hope you'll think about
what I've said here

and let your conscience
help you do the right thing.

Okay.

[instrumental music]

Yes!

Alright, Cody, are you ready
for a demonstration

of the Invadercom 7000
car alarm?

- Yeah, totally!
- Oh, cool!

- Yeah!
- Corner.

Okay. Okay.

Step number one,
you activate the alarm.

[alarm beeps]

Now, if a thief
comes near the van

watch what happens.

[automated message]
'Step away from the vehicle.'

Whoa, sounds like Lucille's
coming down with a cold.

Now, i-if that doesn't
scare the thief off, this will.

[gunshots]

Whoa!

Van with a 'tude.
Gotta love that!

Now, say a burglar actually

does manage
to break in to the van

there is one more
security feature.

[alarm beeps]

Now, if the burglar
opens the door..

...and goes for the radio..

Ha ha! The doors close and lock

and will not open
without pressing this button.

Which doesn't seem
to be working at this time.

There must be some malfunction
in the system.

[grunts]

Whoa, I bought that airbag
in a swamp meet.

I always wondered
if it worked.

Help! Help!

Perhaps this'll be
a good time to take

advantage of
the customer service number.

Yeah, come on!

Hey, guys, guys!

- The ice cream man's here!
- Alright! Ice-cream man.

- Dude, I'm buying.
- Cody.

Cody!

Get me outta here!

♪ You can't fight the feelings
that you feel inside ♪

♪ You can't hide the look
of love that's in your eyes ♪

♪ It's alright
what you feelin' inside.. ♪♪

You look great tonight, Karen.

Thanks. So do you.

I don't know.
Couple of hairs are outta place.

I'd better go fix that!

I'd hate to win perfect couple
and not have perfect hair.

Excuse me.

- Hi, Karen.
- Hi, where's your date?

He's getting some punch.
Where's Freddie?

I'm not here with Freddie.
I'm here with Jeffrey.

[scoffs]
Wow!
Mom must be really mad at you.

[scoffs]
Dana, I snuck out of the house
and came with Jeffrey.

Mom doesn't even know.

[scoffs]
Oh, like you've never done
anything behind mom's back.

- Karen..
- Listen.

I'm old enough to make

my own decisions about guys.

- But mom is--
- Mom..

Is the one who told me that.

And frankly,
if I wanna dump Freddie

and come to the dance
with Jeffrey

then mom can just kiss my..

- But..
- Exactly.

Hi there, Karen.

Again?
Why don't you ever warn me?

[chuckles]
What are you doing here?

Well, at the last minute
they asked me to chaperone.

Frank would have been here,
but they're still

using the Jaws of Life
to get him out of Cody's van.

Look, mom, I know you think
I should be here with Freddie

but I'm old enough
to figure stuff out

without asking your advice
about every little thing.

Karen...Freddie just walked in.

[gasps]
Oh, no. Mom, what should I do?

I don't want to give you advice
on every little thing.

Have a wonderful evening.

Well...I'd love to stay
but my date is waiting.

I only have one, you know.

Hi, Karen.
I see you're feeling better.

Must have been one of those
24 minute flus.

What are you doing here?

Well, I called your house to see

how you were feeling
and Brandon told me

you were here.

Look, I can explain.

Don't bother.
I understand.

I found about the little rating
system this school has.

And I guess someone like you
would never be caught dead

with someone like me.

Well, thanks. Thanks
for making me feel like a fool.

Uh, Freddie, I'm really sorry.

No, you're not. You're just
sorry you got caught.

I guess you weren't expecting me
to have the guts

to come down here
and confront you, well surprise!

I have a lot of guts.

Now, if you'll excuse me

I'm gonna go into that bathroom
and throw up.

Hey, watch it, pal.

I just fixed my hair.

- Hi.
- Hi.

Hey, what's the matter?

I think I just hurt
somebody's feelings.

[scoffs]

Can I have your attention,
everyone?

As head of the dance committee

it is my pleasure to announce

the winners of
the perfect couple contest.

It was a very close vote
but the winners are

Jeffrey Russell
and Karen Foster!

[applauding]

Congratulations, you two.
You must be very proud.

Um, yeah.

Why don't you
tell everyone exactly

how you feel now?

Um, I know
I should be really excited

about winning this award..

...but actually,
I feel really bad.

I had a date with someone
tonight but I dumped him

because he didn't score
high enough

in our little rating system.

You know, I used to think
that system was the perfect way

to pick your dates.

But, actually, it stinks.

I mean, there's a lot more
important things than..

Than having a, a great car,
perfect hair.

Like, what?

Well, like being a good person.

Someone who's nice and honest

and has the guts
to tell somebody like me

when they've been a real jerk.

Anyway, thanks for this award,
but I can't accept it.

Because I'm not really here
with Jeffrey.

I'm here with Freddie Donovan.

[indistinct chatter]

Well, uh, I think we're going to
have a recount now

because this is certainly not
perfect couple behavior.

You didn't have to do that.

- Yes, I did.
- Thanks.

Listen, Freddie, I know you may
not think so right now

but there really are some
very nice people at this school.

I hope you'll give me a chance
to show you

that I can be one of them.

- I'd like that.
- Would you like to dance?

Oh, gee. I don't know.
I'm not a very good dancer.

Don't worry about it.
Nobody's perfect.

♪ So darlin' darlin'
stand by me ♪

♪ Oh stand by me ♪

♪ Oh stand now ♪

♪ Stand by me ♪

♪ Stand by me ♪

♪ Whenever you're in trouble
won't you stand ♪

♪ By me ♪

♪ Oh stand by me ♪♪

[theme music]