Step by Step (1991–1998): Season 2, Episode 1 - S.A.T. Blues - full transcript

[instrumental music]

World, space,
the final frontier.

Hey, Galileo,
whatcha doing?

Looking for your home planet?

No, we're just scopin' out
the universe. Ha-ha.

- Hey, I think I see Saturn.
- Are you sure?

Well, it's got yellow rings.
Check it out.

Cody, that's McDonalds.

No way. They opened one up
on Saturn? Tcha.

Those dudes are everywhere.

[chuckles]



[theme song]

[screaming]

♪ The dream got broken ♪

♪ Seemed like all was lost ♪

♪ What would be the future? ♪

♪ Could you pay the cost? ♪

♪ You wonder ♪

♪ Will there ever be ♪

♪ A second time around? ♪

♪ Woah-a woah-a ♪

♪ When the tears are over ♪

♪ And the moment has come ♪

♪ Say My Lord
I think I found someone ♪

♪ You know it will be better ♪



♪ 'Cause you're
puttin' it together ♪

♪ For the second time around ♪

♪ Step by step ♪

♪ Day by day ♪♪ Day by day ♪

♪ A fresh start over ♪

♪ A different hand to play ♪

♪ The deeper we fall ♪

♪ The stronger we stay ♪

♪ It will be better ♪

♪ The second time around ♪

♪ Step by step ♪

♪ Day by day ♪

♪ We'll make it better ♪

♪ The second time around ♪♪

[instrumental music]

Big day. My little girl's
taking her SATs.

I've made a great breakfast
for you.

Bacon, eggs, toast,
oatmeal, muffins--

Mom, it's a college
entrance exam.

You don't get points
for being bloated.

Oh, but you have to have
a good breakfast.

This is an important test.

No, no, no. Not important.

Critical, essential, vital.

Dana, relax.

At least have a muffin.

You'll get a good score.

Good?
Good is for losers.

I need great.

Otherwise, I won't get into
an Ivy League school

and I'll just be another
uneducated nincompoop

who is a drain on society.

You know, like Frank's kids.

Is that a no on the muffin?

- Goodbye, mother.
- Okay.

Just remember...relax.

[groans]

- Carol? Carol.
- 'Hmm.'

That's it. I have had it.

Everybody in this house
is taking my clothes

without asking my permission

and I'm gettin'
real tired of it.

This keeps up, I'll be
walkin' around here butt naked.

I have no problem with that.

Buck.

Mm, now, come on, honey,
this is serious.

I just looked in my closet
and all my sweatshirts are gone.

My Packers sweatshirt,
my Brewers sweatshirt--

Frank, Frank,
I'm sure they'll turn up.

Hey, dad.

Hey!

What's the big idea of
taking my sweatshirts

without asking my permission?

It's not your sweatshirt, dad,
it's mine.

No, it's not.

Then how come I found it
in my closet?

Here's my theory.
You're a thief.

Hi, mom.
What's for breakfast?

Honey, that's my dress.

Ah, I mean, it's my sweater.
I- I-I..

Get her, dad, she's a thief.
Show no mercy.

I can take care of this,
thank you.

- 'Karen, you can't go in my..'
- Let's go, let's go.

Wait a minute,
get-get back here, you guys!

I know where you live!

Karen, you do know
that this is Frank's sweater.

Yeah, cool, huh?

Karen, you don't even
like my clothes.

Yes, I do.
Just not on you.

On me, they look great.

Carol, say something.

Karen, you look great.

Thanks, mom. Oh, Frank.

Do you have a denim shirt?

I have no idea.

Well, if you don't,
can you get one?

I have a date on Friday,
and I know I'd look great in it.

[instrumental music]

[indistinct chatter]

Hi, I am Dana Foster.

I'm here to take the SAT.

How nice for you.
We give SATs here.

Oh, I get it.

You're just trying
to loosen me up

'cause I'm nervous.

Actually, I'm just here
for the overtime

and I really don't give a hoot
about your emotional state.

You're one of the thousand
points of light, aren't you?

No way, dude,
it was gravity the whole time.

Hey-hey, Dana.

What are youdoing here?

And don't tell me
it's to take the SAT.

Whoa, that was gonna be
my answer.

I'm kinda stuck now.

I don't get it.

Why would a guy who blows up

stumps for a living,
wanna take the SAT?

Well, you see, once a month,
I try to do something

that I've never done before.

Like last month, I ate nothing
but peaches for an entire week.

By the way,
that is not a good idea.

Thanks for the tip.

Thanks. You're pretty good
at this, huh?

Hey, pretty cool, huh?

You, me, sitting
right next to each other.

Almost like we're
in a drive-in movie.

Only, there is no movie.

And we're not in a car.

And it's daylight outside.

- And, you know, we--
- Cody.

This test is very
important to me.

So, just do me a favor
and leave me alone.

You got it.

♪ Get your motor runnin' ♪

♪ Head out on the highway ♪

♪ Looking for adventure ♪

♪ And whatever come.. ♪♪

No way. Was that out loud?

[instrumental
"Born To Be Wild"]

Come on, the coast is clear.

I don't feel good about
stealing Frank's clothes.

I'm gonna get caught.
I always get caught.

I think I'll save some time
and turn myself in now.

Listen, you little wuss,
you're a witness.

- You can't back out now.
- And what if I do?

We'll kill you and bury you
in the backyard.

Let's pick 'em clean.

You think he'll notice
if I take his red jacket?

Please, how will he know?

[alarm blaring]

Oh, no, he wired it!

Every man for himself!

Whoa, whoa, whoa,
no, you don't!

Okay, you little rag pickers,
from now on

anybody who wants
to borrow my clothes

has to ask permission first.

Great! Can I borrow
your red jacket?

No.

Anybody else?

- You made your point, dad.
- Good.

****

Here you go, Frank.
I borrowed these.

You borrowed my boxer shorts?

Yeah, all the girls
are wearing them now.

We just stitch up the fly.

That explains
the little timing problem

I had with the plaid ones
last week.

Okay, go, go, go. Go on.
Get, shoo..

[instrumental music]

Hardback. Hardback.

Hardback. Paperback.

Paperback. Paperback.

[gasps]
Uh-oh!

Somebody put a mystery

in the travel
and leisure section.

Was that the mailman?
I thought I heard the mailman.

Was it the mailman?

Honey, I know you're anxious
about your SAT scores.

But it's only been three weeks.

I'm not anxious.

I just have
a healthy curiosity.

I thought it was the mailman.

Okay, everybody, mail's here.

Give me that!

Bill, bill..

Here we go, SAT!

Dana, would you mind reading
your mail somewhere else?

- Sure.
- Yeah.

Well..

Well, well, well.

[chuckles]

- I got a total score of 1270.
- Yes!

1270? Dana, that's great.

- It's okay.
- Okay? Okay?

It says here that your score

puts you on the 91st percentile.

Do you know what that means?

It means if you were
walking down the street

and you passed a 100 people

you would've done
better than 91 of them.

Well, I guess
it's not such a bad score.

Hey, is the mail here?

I'm expecting my George Hamilton
home tanning kit.

No, no tanning kit today, Cody.

But your SAT scores are here.

Oh, you mean you get a score?

[Cody]
Cool.

- So, Codeman, how did you do?
- I don't know.

Oh, is a 650 good?

[scoffs]
A 650?

A 650?

Dana..

Okay, okay.

Cody.

Here is what a 650 means.

Say you're walking
down the street

and you pass a 100 people?

You probably did better
than seven of 'em.

But don't feel bad, Cody.

How many times in your life
are you gonna pass

a 100 people?

Well, thanks, Uncle Frank.

At least I got a 670
on this other part.

What other part?

- You said you got a 650.
- Well, yeah.

I got a 650 on the verbal

and I got a 670 on the math.

See?

Are you saying you got
a 1320, total score?

Ah, yeah, okay. Yeah.

Give me that.

Cody, you got a 670
on the math, that's awesome.

Yeah, yeah, well,
Dana's the real math whiz.

I mean, she figured out that
1320 business just like that.

This is insane.

I got beaten
by a guy who thinks

there's a McDonalds on Saturn.

I don't get it.

Allow me to explain.

If you pass a 100 people
on the street..

...nine of them
would've done better than you.

And one of them
would've been The Codeman.

Oh!

[instrumental music]

- Hey, Uncle Frank.
- Hey, Code.

Want a little watermelon?

No, thanks, Uncle Frank,
I'm too perturbed for fruit.

Peaches actin' up on you again?

I wish it were that simple.

Cody, what's the problem?

I thought you'd be happy
getting such a great SAT score.

Pfft. How can I be happy?

I mean, if I am as smart
as that test says I am

I gotta re-examine a few things.

I think we all do.

Face it, Uncle Frank,
I'm a condemned man.

I mean, hey, I know it's unfair

but when people know
you have a brain

they just naturally
expect you to use it.

And this bothers you?

Bothers me?
Huh, it's a nightmare.

I'm gonna
have to give up demolition.

I'm gonna have to make some
major contribution to mankind.

Like be a scientist,
or a doctor, or..

Oh, please, Uncle Frank,
don't let 'em make me

a brain surgeon.

I'll do my best, Cody.

And that can be
my contribution.

Thank you, Uncle Frank.

Come on, mom, hurry up.
Let's get going.

Where are you going?

To buy a book of practice SATs.

Dana is having a little
difficulty coming to terms

with her scores, so..

And this is the really
sick part..

She insists
on taking them again.

And you are
taking it again, too.

I refuse to believe
that a cheesehead like you

can do better on this test
than me.

She doesn't do gracious well.

What do you think, Uncle Frank?

Should I take that test again?

That's your call, Cody.

I wouldn't make a decision
like that for another man

till I've walked a mile
in his shoes.

Well, if you think
that'll help..

But I wouldn't walk more
than a mile in that left one.

It's got a nail in it.

[instrumental music]

Come on, mom.

How long does it take
to add up

a couple of SAT scores?

Stop bothering me
or I'll take off

points for rudeness.

Boy, is she strict.

Okay, here they are.

Dana, you'll be happy to know

that you got a total score
of 1350.

1350? Yes!

Justice prevails.

Eat my dust, Codeman. Hah!

Dana, you really
shouldn't gloat.

After what I've been through

I think I have earned
the right to gloat.

No, Dana, I mean

you reallyshouldn't gloat.

Cody, I have no rational
explanation for this.

But you received
a total score of 1400.

What?

Fourteen hundred?

I did better.

[sighs]

Oh, no. It's like my brain
has a mind of its own.

I don't believe
this is happening to me.

You mean Ling-Ling here
still did better than me?

I'm afraid so.

Well, who cares about
the stupid test anyway?

Oh, sure.
How do you think I feel?

I'm the one who's stuck
bein' a brain surgeon.

Well, I wouldn't take up golf
just yet, Cody.

Oh, great. Now I gotta learn
how to play golf, too. Tcha.

"Lincoln Elementary School.
Honor roll."

Big deal.

"Fifth grade. Dana Foster
is an extremely gifted child."

- Hah!
- Dana, what are you doing?

Throwing out all the lies
I've been fed all my life.

Look at this, second grade.
Straight A's.

- What a crock!
- Dan.. Come on, Dana, stop.

Mom, Cody scored 50 points
better than me.

- Cody!
- I understand, but--

Co...dy!

What difference does it make
what Cody got on his SATs?

All that matters is what
you did, and you did very well.

"Very well" isn't good enough.

Not for somebody who's been
getting straight A's

since the first grade.

When it comes to school,
I have to be the best.

- Why?
- Because...I have to.

It's who I am. I..

Karen is the pretty one.
I am the smart one.

Actually, I always thought
Mark was the smart one.

Perfect, I've no identity
at all.

Yes, you do.
You are Dana Foster.

You are a smart girl.

But not the smartest girl
in the whole world.

And you're a pretty girl.

But not the prettiest girl
in the whole world.

Is this supposed to make me
feel better?

Honey, you are just putting
too much pressure on yourself.

And if you keep this up, you're
gonna drive yourself crazy.

What are you saying?
I shouldn't try to do my best?

No, you should try
to do your best.

But just stop trying
to be perfect.

Nothing is perfect.

I don't know
where you got the idea

that things could be perfect.

- From you.
- Me?

Mom, you alphabetize the soups.

Well, they-they're
easier to find.

You iron my underwear.

Well, in case
you're ever in an accident..

...it would reflect
on both of us.

Mother..

Okay. Okay, you're right.

You come by honestly.

But would you
do me a favor, hmm?

Just ease up and accept

that your very best
is good enough.

Because it's more
than good enough for me.

[mellow music]

- Are you straightening my hair?
- No.

I am.. Well, I-I, I was.

But I'll, I'll work on it.

[instrumental music]

[sniffles]
Ah, cool.

- Hi, Cody.
- Hey.

- Are you still mad at me?
- No.

I was never really mad at you,
I was just mad at myself

and I was taking it out on you.

Oh, I know how that is.
Ha-ha.

One time, I was workin'
on my motorcycle

and I couldn't get it started.

So, I kicked it.

And it started.

Cody, what does that have to do

with what we're talking about?

I don't know.
What're we talkin' about?

I don't know why I'm doing this,
but here.

I brought you a gift.

It's a Langley College
catalogue.

Oh, man.

That's right,
I have to go to college.

Ha-ha. Bummer.

What's wrong with
going to college?

Well, I have to
give up demolition.

And I love demolition,
it's a great job.

I mean, nobody gets mad at you
for wreckin' stuff

because your job
is wrecking stuff. Yeah.

So, keep your job
and just take a class or two

to see how you like college.

No way. That's how
they get you hooked.

You take one class
and you do well in it.

Before you know it,
they're saying

"Tsk, Dr. Codeman to surgery.

Dr. Codeman to surgery, please."

Tcha.

Cody, nobody is saying

you have to be a brain surgeon.

In fact,
I'm begging you not to.

But, with test scores like yours

you should at least
give college a shot.

Think of it as an adventure.

Like that peaches thing.

Yeah, I guess it couldn't be
any worse than that.

- I mean, by day three, I was--
- Cody.

Please, no details.

Alright, get in. Sit down. Sit.

Don't say a word. I wanna talk
to everybody at once.

Carol! Karen! Mark!
Come down, please.

- A family meeting.
- What's going on?

I think he's mad 'cause
someone took his stuff again.

- What's wrong, Frank?
- I'll tell you what's wrong.

After all my complaints,
after my security measures

somebody is still taking
my things without my permission.

And I'm going to ask
a very direct question.

I want a very direct answer.

Where are my sunglasses?

[instrumental music]

Thank you.

You rolled off for me?

You're gonna die for me?

[exhales]

[grunts]

You're gonna die for me.

[instrumental music]