Step by Step (1991–1998): Season 1, Episode 4 - First Anniversary - full transcript
Frank and J.T. are tickled pink when cousin Cody, the cool demolition natural who lives in bis van, arrives for a weekend visit. J.T. naughtily bets that even he can't charm Barky into a date. Carol is hopelessly and misleadingly unclear about her expectations for the first wedding month-'anniversary'. So Frank simply buys a super-saw in a hardware-sale, but he finds a Jamaica-nostalgic alternative.
This "Garfield" cracks me up.
You're reading the funnies?
Yeah, look.
You see.
Garfield hates to get up
in the morning, so..
...he gets in his little bed
with his toys..
...and he pulls
the covers over.
Do you have the,
financial section?
Dad, dad! Great news!
- Cody will be here tomorrow.
- Alright.
- What's a Cody?
- He's my nephew.
He can help me
tear down the Turner place.
You give that boy a hammer,
he can destroy anything.
What a gift.
And, and guess what?
He's staying the whole weekend.
That's great. Ha-ha!
J.T.'s cousin?
In our house?
Has he had all his shots?
He's not staying in our house.
He's too cool.
He lives in his van.
- Hand me the comics.
- Yeah.
Wait 'til you see Garfield.
Look...toys.
We're,
we're having tacos for dinner.
Right.
Okay, Mr. Baseball.
Double or nothin'.
"Who hit the home run
to win the 1960 World Series?"
Bill Mazeroski, game seven.
Final score ten to nine,
Pirates.
He's amazing.
Is he right?
I'm tellin' ya, there's nothin'
I don't know about baseball.
In 1913, what pitcher--
Zip Zabel. Goodbye.
What do you expect?
He's got no life.
Honey,
I got great news.
My nephew Cody's
coming this weekend.
Yeah, well,
that makes two great things
that are happening
this weekend.
Do you know
what the other one is?
You bet.
A big grout sale
at the Tile King. Heh.
Frank.
This Saturday
is our one month
wedding anniversary.
- Remember Jamaica?
- Yeah, yeah.
- I knew that.
- You did not.
Hey, what do you do
for a one month anniversary?
I mean, do we give
each other gifts or what?
No, no, no, no,
that's really not necessary.
I mean, we're each other's
best present.
Yeah, that's right.
Can I unwrap mine now?
Carol!
What is the matter with you?
I'm right in the middle
of trying to make
Helen Puckett a blonde!
She's waited 75 years
to become a blonde
she can wait five more minutes.
I just wanna show you what I got
Frank for our anniversary.
It's gorgeous.
I thought you two
weren't going to exchange gifts.
We just said that.
Everybody gives
anniversary gifts.
I wonder
what he got for me.
- 'Carol!'
- Here he is.
- Hide the box.
- Hide the box. Hide it.
- Hide it. Hide..
- Here. Take it over there.
Take this..
- Honey?
- Hi, Frank.
Penny.
Carol, I have to run
downtown for a minute.
Really?
What for?
To,
pick up a new power saw.
A power saw.
- Yeah.
- Well..
Just make sure
you get a nice one.
You know what they say,
"A power saw is forever."
- Bye.
- Bye.
Power saw.
He's so obvious.
Let's hide that package.
That was such a close call.
Hello.
Fruit. Ha-ha-ha!
Blows me away.
Who are you?
I'm Cody.
I'm Frank's nephew.
I live in the van
in the driveway.
Right.
I- I-I'm Carol, Frank's wife.
She lives in the house
by the driveway.
This is my sister, Penny.
Sisters!
Foxes must run in the family.
Thank you.
Frank told me
to make myself at home
so I wanted to run
a little power out to my van.
Is there an outlet
I could use around..
Cool! There's one.
Your circuits must be fried.
Fried? My gosh!
I left Helen Puckett
under the dryer.
Her head must be
a raisin by now.
Well, it was nice
to meet you, Cody.
Ditto. Tsk.
Tsk!
- Cody!
- J.T.!
- My man. My pal. My cuz.
- My man. My pal. My cuz.
What's up, brother?
How you doin'?
Codeman, aw,
you are so cool.
You are the coolest guy
on the planet.
I know.
So how's the babe quotient
on the road?
Pretty intense. Tcha.
There are chicks so luminous,
it'd make your ears bleed.
Aw, man! You really know
how to paint a picture.
There ain't a chick yet
that's been able to resist
my personal magnetism.
Hey, wait a minute.
I know a girl who would
never go out with you.
My step-sister.
Is she breathin'? Ha-ha.
I got 20 bucks
says she won't go out with you.
- Pfft! You're on.
- Alright, man.
'Better hope you have the cash.'
I got Lucille,
the Chick Mobile, brother.
Excuse me.
Is this the cousin
who lives in his car?
- Van.
- Hi, Van.
- Yeah.
- His name is Cody.
Cody, this is my step-sister,
Karen.
Hey.
You're a model, right?
No, I just look like one.
Not her.
J.T., you accidentally
left your jacket
in the hallway,
so I burned it.
Her.
Her?
Good.
I like 'em when they're rude.
Glass. Ha-ha.
You can see through it.
I mean, how..
How do they do that?
Okay, here comes Frosty
the step-sister.
Okay, watch this and marvel.
Hello, sweet face.
Goodbye, dog brains.
Hey, did you ever model?
Be still, my lunch.
Ha-ha! Hey, yo, Dana.
What do you think
you wanna do somethin' tonight?
Yeah, I'd like to do something
but it's a felony.
No, I mean, go out.
You know, like, on a date.
Out?
On a date?
With you?
So what night
would be good for you?
Cody, she really shot you down.
- You owe me 20 bucks.
- No, no.
I got her right
where I want her.
Hey, and remember,
she who laughs in my face
ends up in my embrace?
You are totally amazing.
I know.
- Hi, honey.
- Hi.
Happy anniversary.
Surprise.
- What's this?
- Open it.
Carol.
It's beautiful, honey.
But you shouldn't have.
- Well..
- No, really.
You shouldn't have.
I didn't get you anything.
What about that?
- My saw?
- Come on, Frank.
I know it's not a saw.
Carol, it's a saw.
It's not a saw.
It's a saw.
Of course, it's a saw.
Well, why'd you get me a saw?
I, I didn't get you a saw.
I got me a saw.
You didn't get me anything?
You told me
you didn't want anything.
I did not say
I did not want anything.
I said it wasn't necessary.
You're supposed to know
the difference.
I'm supposed
to read your mind?
Well, who do you think I am?
Carnac?
Well, I wish.
Carnac would have
gotten me a present.
Well, he's retiring next year.
- Maybe you can marry him.
- Brother.
Well, happy anniversary
Mr. Sensitivity.
Well, same to you, Mrs..
...Sippi.
Sippi?
Yo, Dana, I wrote you a tune.
I don't wanna hear it.
Two, three, four..
Well, that's all I got so far.
- Catchy.
- Hey.
You know
what your problem is, Dana?
You put me up on this pedestal.
You think I'm beyond your reach.
But you're wrong,
I'm just like this regular
incredible guy.
Look, I know you want me.
So make your move.
Cody, let me lay it out for you.
If I had a choice
between dating you
and putting out oil well fires
with my tongue
I'd be on the next plane
to Kuwait.
So you want a ride
to the airport?
You mean
he didn't give you anything
for your one month anniversary?
Doesn't he realize
the importance
of occasions like this?
It'd be like
mom forgetting my birthday.
When is your birthday?
May 11th.
No, I don't think so.
- Hi, Frank.
- Hi, Penny.
- Hi.
- Hi.
Come on, Carol.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry about the fight
the anniversary,
about everything.
Here.
'Friends?'
Well, that's sweet, Frank.
Thanks.
- I said I was sorry.
- And I accept your apology.
I mean, it's not your fault
that you're not
as romanticas I am.
I just have to accept the fact
that you are who you are.
A practical,
down to earth kind of guy.
Excuse me. Customer.
Penny.
Penny, what do you think?
That rose didn't do it, did it?
Good call, Frank.
You're in trouble
up to your tool belt.
Well, what am I gonna do?
Well, I was
in the same situation
once with Harvey Keller.
You've gotta do
something special.
You've gotta do something
that says
"You drive me crazy.
"You are the sexiest
person in the world.
"I want you, I want you bad.
"I want you so bad,
I can't stand it.
Please, don't leave me!"
But did Harvey care? No!
He ran off with that waitress
from Kenosha!
- Just go and run off--
- Penny, Penny.
What about me?
I've got my own problems.
Harvey's still in Kenosha.
And my own mother
doesn't know my birthday!
I just can't believe
what a scuzz that Cody is.
If we didn't keep
the bathroom door closed
he'd drink out of the toilet.
I think Cody's sort of cute.
Well, you go out with him.
Maybe then,
he'll stop hounding me.
He's just doin' it
for the money.
Money?
- What money?
- You didn't know?
J.T. bet Cody $20
you wouldn't go
on a date with him.
My weasel step-brother
is trying to make money
off of my personal life?
You make it sound
like a bad thing.
Alright, alright.
Final question.
You know the last player
to win the Triple Crown?
Carl Yastrzemski, 1967.
That's not the question.
Spell "Yastrzemski."
Y- A-S-T-R-Z-E-M-S-K-I.
I give up.
'You're the champ.'
I have a baseball question.
You amuse me.
Why do they call it an inning?
- An inning?
- Yeah.
They play outside
so why don't they call it
an outing?
Um..
He doesn't know.
We got him, we got him!
No! Igot him.
I- I-I'm sorry.
I'm sorry. You okay?
- Just a little farther.
- Frank.
- I am not in the mood for this.
- Just be patient, okay?
I- I just wanna
show you something.
Come on.
It's right in here.
Right here.
Okay, now,
just stand right here.
Okay?
Happy anniversary.
Frank!
It's just like Jamaica.
- Do you like it?
- I love it.
It is just..
...so romantic.
Who did it?
- I did.
- For me?
And watch. Waiter?
Look at J.T.
He looks just
like a little island boy.
Can I seat you two now, mon?
Yes.
Thank you.
Island boy?
Bring two Jamaican farewells.
And something for the lady?
Real cute. Scram.
Frank. This is..
This is unbelievable.
- Does this mean you like it?
- I love it.
Did you do this
because you thought I was hurt?
Yeah, absolutely.
You think it's easy
finding palm trees in Milwaukee?
But I told you
it wasn't your fault.
But you also told me
you didn't want a present.
Yeah, but that's because
I wanted you to think of it
yourself without me
having to tell you.
I mean, to me, that's romantic.
To me, that's confusing.
Well..
...I'll try to be clearer
from now on.
And from now on
I'll try to be more romantic.
Romantic.
Clearer.
Hey, look,
it's Bomba, The Jungle Boy.
How would you like
a coconut up your nose?
Not so fast, J.T.
I wanna tell you
about the date I just had.
- Why would I care?
- Because it was with him.
Hey, it's Bomba,
The Jungle Boy.
You two went out on a date?
Yep, we went to a concert.
We saw the Brain-Dead Idiots.
And I sat next to one.
But it was worth it
just to see youlose 20 bucks.
Go on, pay him the money, J.T.
I guess you earned it
if you spent
more than ten minutes
with Vampira.
J.T., man,
I can't take your money, bro.
- What?
- What?
I should be paying you.
I mean, tonight was cosmic.
I'm totally in love.
Hey, wait a minute.
Dana, that lyric
just came to me.
I gotta write that down.
Excuse me,
I feel an embolism coming on.
Dana, wait,
there's more. Listen.
Lock the door!
You're reading the funnies?
Yeah, look.
You see.
Garfield hates to get up
in the morning, so..
...he gets in his little bed
with his toys..
...and he pulls
the covers over.
Do you have the,
financial section?
Dad, dad! Great news!
- Cody will be here tomorrow.
- Alright.
- What's a Cody?
- He's my nephew.
He can help me
tear down the Turner place.
You give that boy a hammer,
he can destroy anything.
What a gift.
And, and guess what?
He's staying the whole weekend.
That's great. Ha-ha!
J.T.'s cousin?
In our house?
Has he had all his shots?
He's not staying in our house.
He's too cool.
He lives in his van.
- Hand me the comics.
- Yeah.
Wait 'til you see Garfield.
Look...toys.
We're,
we're having tacos for dinner.
Right.
Okay, Mr. Baseball.
Double or nothin'.
"Who hit the home run
to win the 1960 World Series?"
Bill Mazeroski, game seven.
Final score ten to nine,
Pirates.
He's amazing.
Is he right?
I'm tellin' ya, there's nothin'
I don't know about baseball.
In 1913, what pitcher--
Zip Zabel. Goodbye.
What do you expect?
He's got no life.
Honey,
I got great news.
My nephew Cody's
coming this weekend.
Yeah, well,
that makes two great things
that are happening
this weekend.
Do you know
what the other one is?
You bet.
A big grout sale
at the Tile King. Heh.
Frank.
This Saturday
is our one month
wedding anniversary.
- Remember Jamaica?
- Yeah, yeah.
- I knew that.
- You did not.
Hey, what do you do
for a one month anniversary?
I mean, do we give
each other gifts or what?
No, no, no, no,
that's really not necessary.
I mean, we're each other's
best present.
Yeah, that's right.
Can I unwrap mine now?
Carol!
What is the matter with you?
I'm right in the middle
of trying to make
Helen Puckett a blonde!
She's waited 75 years
to become a blonde
she can wait five more minutes.
I just wanna show you what I got
Frank for our anniversary.
It's gorgeous.
I thought you two
weren't going to exchange gifts.
We just said that.
Everybody gives
anniversary gifts.
I wonder
what he got for me.
- 'Carol!'
- Here he is.
- Hide the box.
- Hide the box. Hide it.
- Hide it. Hide..
- Here. Take it over there.
Take this..
- Honey?
- Hi, Frank.
Penny.
Carol, I have to run
downtown for a minute.
Really?
What for?
To,
pick up a new power saw.
A power saw.
- Yeah.
- Well..
Just make sure
you get a nice one.
You know what they say,
"A power saw is forever."
- Bye.
- Bye.
Power saw.
He's so obvious.
Let's hide that package.
That was such a close call.
Hello.
Fruit. Ha-ha-ha!
Blows me away.
Who are you?
I'm Cody.
I'm Frank's nephew.
I live in the van
in the driveway.
Right.
I- I-I'm Carol, Frank's wife.
She lives in the house
by the driveway.
This is my sister, Penny.
Sisters!
Foxes must run in the family.
Thank you.
Frank told me
to make myself at home
so I wanted to run
a little power out to my van.
Is there an outlet
I could use around..
Cool! There's one.
Your circuits must be fried.
Fried? My gosh!
I left Helen Puckett
under the dryer.
Her head must be
a raisin by now.
Well, it was nice
to meet you, Cody.
Ditto. Tsk.
Tsk!
- Cody!
- J.T.!
- My man. My pal. My cuz.
- My man. My pal. My cuz.
What's up, brother?
How you doin'?
Codeman, aw,
you are so cool.
You are the coolest guy
on the planet.
I know.
So how's the babe quotient
on the road?
Pretty intense. Tcha.
There are chicks so luminous,
it'd make your ears bleed.
Aw, man! You really know
how to paint a picture.
There ain't a chick yet
that's been able to resist
my personal magnetism.
Hey, wait a minute.
I know a girl who would
never go out with you.
My step-sister.
Is she breathin'? Ha-ha.
I got 20 bucks
says she won't go out with you.
- Pfft! You're on.
- Alright, man.
'Better hope you have the cash.'
I got Lucille,
the Chick Mobile, brother.
Excuse me.
Is this the cousin
who lives in his car?
- Van.
- Hi, Van.
- Yeah.
- His name is Cody.
Cody, this is my step-sister,
Karen.
Hey.
You're a model, right?
No, I just look like one.
Not her.
J.T., you accidentally
left your jacket
in the hallway,
so I burned it.
Her.
Her?
Good.
I like 'em when they're rude.
Glass. Ha-ha.
You can see through it.
I mean, how..
How do they do that?
Okay, here comes Frosty
the step-sister.
Okay, watch this and marvel.
Hello, sweet face.
Goodbye, dog brains.
Hey, did you ever model?
Be still, my lunch.
Ha-ha! Hey, yo, Dana.
What do you think
you wanna do somethin' tonight?
Yeah, I'd like to do something
but it's a felony.
No, I mean, go out.
You know, like, on a date.
Out?
On a date?
With you?
So what night
would be good for you?
Cody, she really shot you down.
- You owe me 20 bucks.
- No, no.
I got her right
where I want her.
Hey, and remember,
she who laughs in my face
ends up in my embrace?
You are totally amazing.
I know.
- Hi, honey.
- Hi.
Happy anniversary.
Surprise.
- What's this?
- Open it.
Carol.
It's beautiful, honey.
But you shouldn't have.
- Well..
- No, really.
You shouldn't have.
I didn't get you anything.
What about that?
- My saw?
- Come on, Frank.
I know it's not a saw.
Carol, it's a saw.
It's not a saw.
It's a saw.
Of course, it's a saw.
Well, why'd you get me a saw?
I, I didn't get you a saw.
I got me a saw.
You didn't get me anything?
You told me
you didn't want anything.
I did not say
I did not want anything.
I said it wasn't necessary.
You're supposed to know
the difference.
I'm supposed
to read your mind?
Well, who do you think I am?
Carnac?
Well, I wish.
Carnac would have
gotten me a present.
Well, he's retiring next year.
- Maybe you can marry him.
- Brother.
Well, happy anniversary
Mr. Sensitivity.
Well, same to you, Mrs..
...Sippi.
Sippi?
Yo, Dana, I wrote you a tune.
I don't wanna hear it.
Two, three, four..
Well, that's all I got so far.
- Catchy.
- Hey.
You know
what your problem is, Dana?
You put me up on this pedestal.
You think I'm beyond your reach.
But you're wrong,
I'm just like this regular
incredible guy.
Look, I know you want me.
So make your move.
Cody, let me lay it out for you.
If I had a choice
between dating you
and putting out oil well fires
with my tongue
I'd be on the next plane
to Kuwait.
So you want a ride
to the airport?
You mean
he didn't give you anything
for your one month anniversary?
Doesn't he realize
the importance
of occasions like this?
It'd be like
mom forgetting my birthday.
When is your birthday?
May 11th.
No, I don't think so.
- Hi, Frank.
- Hi, Penny.
- Hi.
- Hi.
Come on, Carol.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry about the fight
the anniversary,
about everything.
Here.
'Friends?'
Well, that's sweet, Frank.
Thanks.
- I said I was sorry.
- And I accept your apology.
I mean, it's not your fault
that you're not
as romanticas I am.
I just have to accept the fact
that you are who you are.
A practical,
down to earth kind of guy.
Excuse me. Customer.
Penny.
Penny, what do you think?
That rose didn't do it, did it?
Good call, Frank.
You're in trouble
up to your tool belt.
Well, what am I gonna do?
Well, I was
in the same situation
once with Harvey Keller.
You've gotta do
something special.
You've gotta do something
that says
"You drive me crazy.
"You are the sexiest
person in the world.
"I want you, I want you bad.
"I want you so bad,
I can't stand it.
Please, don't leave me!"
But did Harvey care? No!
He ran off with that waitress
from Kenosha!
- Just go and run off--
- Penny, Penny.
What about me?
I've got my own problems.
Harvey's still in Kenosha.
And my own mother
doesn't know my birthday!
I just can't believe
what a scuzz that Cody is.
If we didn't keep
the bathroom door closed
he'd drink out of the toilet.
I think Cody's sort of cute.
Well, you go out with him.
Maybe then,
he'll stop hounding me.
He's just doin' it
for the money.
Money?
- What money?
- You didn't know?
J.T. bet Cody $20
you wouldn't go
on a date with him.
My weasel step-brother
is trying to make money
off of my personal life?
You make it sound
like a bad thing.
Alright, alright.
Final question.
You know the last player
to win the Triple Crown?
Carl Yastrzemski, 1967.
That's not the question.
Spell "Yastrzemski."
Y- A-S-T-R-Z-E-M-S-K-I.
I give up.
'You're the champ.'
I have a baseball question.
You amuse me.
Why do they call it an inning?
- An inning?
- Yeah.
They play outside
so why don't they call it
an outing?
Um..
He doesn't know.
We got him, we got him!
No! Igot him.
I- I-I'm sorry.
I'm sorry. You okay?
- Just a little farther.
- Frank.
- I am not in the mood for this.
- Just be patient, okay?
I- I just wanna
show you something.
Come on.
It's right in here.
Right here.
Okay, now,
just stand right here.
Okay?
Happy anniversary.
Frank!
It's just like Jamaica.
- Do you like it?
- I love it.
It is just..
...so romantic.
Who did it?
- I did.
- For me?
And watch. Waiter?
Look at J.T.
He looks just
like a little island boy.
Can I seat you two now, mon?
Yes.
Thank you.
Island boy?
Bring two Jamaican farewells.
And something for the lady?
Real cute. Scram.
Frank. This is..
This is unbelievable.
- Does this mean you like it?
- I love it.
Did you do this
because you thought I was hurt?
Yeah, absolutely.
You think it's easy
finding palm trees in Milwaukee?
But I told you
it wasn't your fault.
But you also told me
you didn't want a present.
Yeah, but that's because
I wanted you to think of it
yourself without me
having to tell you.
I mean, to me, that's romantic.
To me, that's confusing.
Well..
...I'll try to be clearer
from now on.
And from now on
I'll try to be more romantic.
Romantic.
Clearer.
Hey, look,
it's Bomba, The Jungle Boy.
How would you like
a coconut up your nose?
Not so fast, J.T.
I wanna tell you
about the date I just had.
- Why would I care?
- Because it was with him.
Hey, it's Bomba,
The Jungle Boy.
You two went out on a date?
Yep, we went to a concert.
We saw the Brain-Dead Idiots.
And I sat next to one.
But it was worth it
just to see youlose 20 bucks.
Go on, pay him the money, J.T.
I guess you earned it
if you spent
more than ten minutes
with Vampira.
J.T., man,
I can't take your money, bro.
- What?
- What?
I should be paying you.
I mean, tonight was cosmic.
I'm totally in love.
Hey, wait a minute.
Dana, that lyric
just came to me.
I gotta write that down.
Excuse me,
I feel an embolism coming on.
Dana, wait,
there's more. Listen.
Lock the door!