Step by Step (1991–1998): Season 1, Episode 18 - School Daze - full transcript

[instrumental music]

So, there's this rad bolt
of lightning

and the old dude sits up
in his coffin.

And he's really hungry

'cause he hasn't eaten
since they buried him.

And you know what he likes
to eat best?

Little kids.

[laughs]

There he is. Right behind you.

No! Right there!

Give it up, Cody.



That wasn't even scary.

Pfft. Well, you guys are little.

I mean, I didn't wanna
freak you out.

Well, you didn't. I'm going
to bed. Night, Cody.

Yeah, thanks for
a bedtime story, Codeman.

- Night.
- Goodnight.

Well, I'm glad
I didn't scare ya.

Pfft! Ghost stories.

What a kick. Ha-ha.

[wind gushing]

[cat meows]

[thunder rumbling]

Hey, you guys, wait up!

[theme song]



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[screaming]

♪ The dream wide broken ♪

♪ Seemed like all was lost ♪

♪ What would be the future? ♪

♪ Could you pay the cost? ♪

♪ You wonder ♪

♪ Will there ever be ♪

♪ A second time around? ♪

♪ Woah-oh woah-oh ♪

♪ When the tears are over ♪

♪ And the moment has come ♪

♪ Say My Lord
I think I found someone ♪

♪ You know it will be better ♪

♪ 'Cause you're
putting it together ♪

♪ For the second time around ♪

♪ We got the woman and man ♪♪ Ooh-ooh-ooh ♪

♪ We got the kids in a clan ♪♪ Ooh-ooh-ooh ♪

♪ Only time will tell ♪

♪ If all these dreams
fit under one umbrella ♪

♪ Step by step ♪

♪ Day by day ♪

♪ A fresh start over ♪

♪ A different hand to play ♪

♪ The deeper we fall ♪

♪ The stronger we stay ♪

♪ And we'll be better ♪

♪ The second time around ♪

♪ Step by step ♪

♪ Day by day ♪♪ Day by day ♪

♪ A fresh start over ♪

♪ A different hand to play ♪

♪ Only time will tell ♪

♪ But you know what they say ♪

♪ We'll make it better ♪

♪ The second time around ♪♪

[instrumental music]

- Ah.
- Ah.

J.T., what does your
father think of this

disgusting habit of yours?

He says with
a little more practice

I'll be as good as he is.

- Good morning, everybody!
- Good morning, honey.

- Hey, dad.
- Good morning, dear.

Hey, what's all that?

Oh, I'm renewing
my beautician's license.

I always hate filling up
the part about my education.

- Why is that?
- 'I don't know.'

I guess it still bothers me

that I didn't finish college.

I only had four courses to go.

I was thinking, maybe I should
go back to school.

Well, going back to school

and everything else
you're doing..

Isn't that takin' on
an awful lot?

Oh, well, I didn't say I was
definitely going to do it.

I just thought, you know, I have
to go downtown today anyway

and I thought I'd stop
by the campus

and get some information.

Why would anyone wanna go
back to school

if they didn't have to?

Well, what about
the satisfaction

of accomplishing
a life-long goal?

My life-long goal
is to get outof school.

Come on, J.T., what about
intellectual stimulation?

A love of learning,
a thirst for knowledge?

Wow!

You mean, I'm finally
getting through to you?

No, you've got a hunk of spinach

right between
your two front teeth.

Gotcha! Oh!

[laughing]

You got her.

Grow up, pal.

[instrumental music]

[J.T.]
'Oh, head-butt
in the turnbuckle.'

[Brendan]
'Ooh, that hurt.'

- 'Oh! Oh!'
- 'Body slam! Ooh!'

- Ha-ha-ha.
- Yeah!

- Go, go.
- Go, go.

- Alright!
- One, two..

Hey! We were watching that.

Perhaps, you didn't notice..

...but we're trying to study.

Then move your snoozefest
into the kitchen.

We'd love to,
but your brother, Brendan

left a bunch of popsicle sticks
all over the kitchen table.

Hey, that's my homework.

I'm making a model
of The Alamo.

The one in Texas?

No, the one in Cleveland.

I can't study here.

Good!

- Yeah!
- Yeah! Alright!

- Alright, "WrestleMania!"
- Yeah!

Whoa! Hey!
I got..

[Carol]
Hi, everybody!

Frank, I have some great news.

Guess who's going to college?

Well, we know it's not J.T.

You-you-you signed up?

Well, I wasn't going to,
but I got down there

and I saw the course
descriptions, and I got excited.

Oh, look at this.

All four courses
that I need to graduate

are being offered this semester.

So I decided to go for it.

Alright, mom!

Wow, four courses and running

the beauty shop and the house.

Frank, I am
a very organized person.

It's just a matter of managing
my time more efficiently.

I don't wanna sound selfish

but how does this affect me?

Look, nothing is going
to change around here.

In fact, I've already
made out a schedule

to keep myself organized here.
Look at this.

- Oh, man!
- 'No, no, no, it's all here.'

There's, uh, "Laundry," "Meals"

"Leisure activities"
and "Planned spontaneity."

Uh-uh, Carol. Ha-ha..

Um, you, uh..

You didn't leave any time
for you and I to...you know.

Yes, I did, Frank. It's right
here, under "Weekend chores."

[instrumental music]

"Leonardo da Vinci, philosopher,
scientist, painter.."

[alarm dings]
Fruitcake.

[alarm dings]
Ooh, casserole!

Yeah!

[alarm dings]

Freezer!

Okay.

And vegetables..

Mom, can you listen to my
presentation for speech class?

- No problem!
- Okay.

"The decline of communism
as a world force."

[alarm dings]
Microwave!

Okay, I'll start again.

"The decline of communism
as a world force. With.."

Carol, can you iron
this t-shirt?

No problem.

- Mom. Mom!
- Yeah.

Once again, from the top.

"The decline of communism
as a world force-- "

- Hello, everybody!
- Hi, honey!

- Ha-ha!
- Never mind.

Frank, could you
hold this for me, plea..

Oh, sure. Ooh, ahh!

[screaming]

That was fun. Now, let's try it
with a burning coal.

So, how about a kiss
from my favorite little co-ed?

No problem.

[alarm dings]
Ooh, meatloaf!

I am good!

[doorbell rings]
What's that ting?

What's that ting?
I don't.. What's that ting?

I don't know what that ting is.
What's that ting?

What's that ting? I did every..
What's the ting..

- It's the doorbell!
- Oh.

I'll get it.

[Penny panting]

Carol! Carol, Carol, Carol!

You cannot leave me alone
in that beauty shop!

It's like a madhouse in there.

You only have one customer.

Yeah, but...she's got
a lot of hair.

Well, no problem,
just comb her out

and I'll be over there
in a minute.

- Hi, everybody!
- Hi, honey!

How long do we have to look

at this feeble recreation
of The Alamo?

Until Brendan is finished.

[gasps]
Brendan!

Oh, I forgot to pick up
Brendan at school!

You forgot to pick up Brendan?
How could you forget to--

No problem. No, no, no,
no problem. I can get him.

I just have to go
to the market anyway.

- Okay.. Uh, uh, Carol.
- Yeah.

Um..

- 'Oh, yeah, yeah.'
- 'Oh..'

Frank, do you know
if Carol has a good lawyer?

[instrumental music]

[whirring]

[gasps]
What? Who?

Carol, please,
I'm trying to sleep.

Okay, I'm sorry, Frank. No more
pencil sharpening, I promise.

Okay, okay.

[marker creaking]

Co-could I see that?

Oh, yeah.

[Frank sighs]

- Frank?
- Look, Carol, I'm sorry.

I haven't had a good night's
sleep in a week.

I'm grumpy, I'm irritable

and I'm snappin'
at my employees.

This is about sex, isn't it?

Sex?

What's that?

Well, excuse me

if your needs are not met.

But I just happen to be
a committed student.

You are a committed student.
You are a committed mother.

You are a committed wife.

Soon, you will
just be committed.

Frank, I have
a big test tomorrow.

I need to study.

Honey, I understand that

but you also need your sleep.

Or your studyin'
is not gonna do you any good.

[sighs]

You're right, Frank. I hear you.

I can admit when I'm wrong.

I think, uh, right now,
that sleeping is a good choice.

- Okay, goodnight.
- Goodnight.

[Frank grunts]

[instrumental music]

Alright, everyone. Time is up,
turn in your papers.

[snoring]

[instrumental music]

Dana?

You're good
at crossword puzzles.

What's a...five-letter word
for honest?

Frank.

Yes?

Frank. That's it.

What's it?

Frank.

Dana.

All I need is a five-letter word
for honest.

Frank.

Dana, if you don't know
the answer, just admit it.

It's nothing to be ashamed of.

You're right, Frank.

Especially when I have so many
other things to be ashamed of.

Mom, how'd you do
on the big test?

Great! Fine.

Yeah, I-I think, I think, I, uh

really surprised myself.

I think I turned in
a really unique paper.

Well, uh, if you'll excuse me

I think I'll go into the, uh..

...living room.

She bombed.

Oh, yeah.

Uh, look, Carol,
I have realized

you probably don't wanna
talk about this right--

I blew the test!

[sobbing]

Aww! Oh, no..

Come on, you just missed
a few questions.

Oh, Frank, I missed
all the questions.

What do you mean,
you missed all the questions?

I was asleep!

What do you mean,
you were asleep?

Frank, which part
don't you understand?

I was asleep.

As in dreaming,
snoring...drooling.

Oh, jeez!

Frank, what am I gonna do?
I can't work any harder.

Oh, come on now, honey.

Maybe, you just need
to admit that you're human.

And let me help you
run the house.

No offence, Frank,
but I've seen the way

you run the house.

I don't need the health
department on my back.

Alright, alright!

Then, I'll do it your way.

Well, what about your business?

I can run
the construction company

from the house for a while.

You just give me your schedule

and everything will be fine.

Oh, Frank, if you could
find a way to do that

I'd find a way to pay you back.

Yeah, how about sex?

Oh, th.. That's a good idea.

Just as soon as I get
some sleep.

- Hey, dad.
- Oh, hi, kids.

Where's Carol?

Uh, she's catching
a little shut-eye

so I'm rustlin' up the grub.

Oh, aren't we lucky, cowpokes?

What are we having?

- Waffles! Ha-ha!
- I love waffles.

Oh..

Why don't we grab something
on the way to school?

Good idea. Bye, Frank.

Goodbye. Oh, girls, hey!

- You forgot your lunches.
- No, we didn't.

It was a choice.

- Ew!
- Ew!

Dad, you washed my gym shorts

but you forgot to dry them.

It's gym.
You're gonna sweat anyway.

Oh, man!

Uh, dad?

Did you make the cookies
for my bake sale tomorrow?

Oh! I'll bake 'em
this afternoon.

But you promised to help me
finish The Alamo.

Uh, tell 'em
it's The Alamo after the attack.

Yeah, right!

Come on, guys.
We're gonna be late for school.

Ooh!

Here's your lunches.
Brendan, Al and Mark.

- Morning, honey!
- Oh, hi, Carol!

Okay, here is the list
of things that need to get done.

[clanking]

Are you sure
you can handle all this?

No problem. I'll have this
knocked off by the weekend.

No, no, Frank,
this is just for today.

Are you kidding?

[scoffs]
Are you kidding?

[laughs]

I'll have this done by lunch.

- Okay, great. Bye!
- Bye!

I won't have this read by lunch.

Whoa! Chapter two.

[instrumental music]

- Hey, dad.
- Hey, dad.

Hi.

[alarm dings]
Oh!

What's that timer for?

I'm either supposed

to freeze the frosting

or defrost the freezer.

Dad, I'm late for practice.
Where's my lucky t-shirt?

Uh, it's in there
somewhere, pal.

[alarm dings]

That's dinner. Ha-ha-ha.

Oh, uh..

Great, what are we having?

Whoa! Not that.

[coughs]

Greetings, all!

[alarm dings]
Hup, that's the laundry.

[Al]
Uh, dad?

- Yeah.
- Could you take me to the mall?

- I need some new cleats.
- 'Hey.'

I need a ride to practice.

Okay. Oh!

[chuckles]

[telephone ringing]

Hey, would you leave me alone?
Don't you know I'm busy?

- Uh, Frank?
- 'Huh?'

I guess this isn't a good time

to ask you to look over my, uh

research paper, is it?

- Grr.
- No way.

- I've got practice.
- So what?

- So, I'm, I'm going.
- So..

[clamoring]

Alright, alright! Alright.

I will take you to practice,
I'll take you to the mall.

You can read me your paper
in the car, on the way

because I have to pick up
some more

popsicle sticks for Brendan.

Brendan. I forgot to pick up
Brendan from school.

Okay, everybody, let's go.
We gotta go.

Brendan's waiting.
Come on, go, go, go, go.

[instrumental music]

You know, if you keep
leaving me at school

I'm going to start
taking it personally.

[sniffing]

I smell something burning.

- Oh, my.. Don't panic!
- Call 911!

Yeah, uh..
Unplug the iron. Unplug it.

Okay, okay. Nobody panic.

It's out.

Sorry about that, dad.

I'll go get a mop.

Frank, what happened?

Uh, well, I-I must have
left the iron on

when I was doing
Karen's blouse.

[screams]

My blouse!

Why do bad things always
happen to good clothes? Uh!

Maybe she shouldn't be alone.

Our house almost burned down.

- Wait till I tell the guys.
- Yeah!

No, boys, you don't need to..

Frank, how could you
have left the iron on?

It seemed like a good idea
at the time.

I didn't do it on purpose!

Well, what were you doing
all day?

This place is a mess.

What was I doing all day?

Well, besides running
my construction company

I had to get Al to the mall.

J.T. was running late
for practice

and I was running around here

trying to do everything
on your stupid list!

"Stupid list?"

I thought you told me
my stupid listwas no problem.

Why don't you just admit
you couldn't handle it?

Fine. I couldn't handle it.

Now, why don't you admit
you couldn't handle--

I couldn't handle it

but I certainly
couldn't handle it

better than
you couldn't handle it.

Good. Well, I couldn't handle it
better than anybody.

Alright, what are we
talkin' about?

- I don't know. Fine.
- Fine.

Fine.
And here's your stupid list.

I am not Mr. Mom.

[alarm dings]
Excuse me.

I've quiche in the oven.

[instrumental music]

I hate these family meetings.
Why do we have to have them?

Because I think it's important
that we discuss our problems

in an open
and democratic fashion.

Why?

Because I said so. Sit down.

Now, I've been thinking about it
and I've come to a decision

and I think
it's the only fair thing to do.

You're buying me a new blouse?

Karen...let it go.

When I went back to school,
I didn't realize

the effect it would have
on all of us.

And...after what
we've all been through

the last couple of weeks,
I...thought about it

and I think it's best..

...that I quit.

- What?
- Oh, Carol.

Now, I can't let you do that.

You're not gonna solve
these problems

by givin' up your dream.

Look, mom,
you're staying in school.

- This means too much to you.
- Dana, I can't.

I tried doing everything
and got burn out.

And Frank tried doing everything
and the kitchen got burn out.

My family comes first

and my education
is gonna have to wait.

Well, you know

there is another solution.

We kids could do
a little more work around here.

Wait a minute.

This meeting
is taking an ugly turn.

No, now, wait a minute, J.T.

I think
Mark has a very good idea.

Now, you kids can make
your own lunch

say, or take the bus
occasionally, and..

And help out with the laundry.

Well, I'd be willing
to make a few lunches

if it meant that
I didn't have to eat any more

of Frank's mystery meals.

And I'll do anything
if someone would just

pick me up after school.

Well, alright, now..

All in favor of Carol
going back to school

raise your hand. J.T.

[J.T. sighs]

Okay. Ha-ha. Well, Carol.

Well, I...guess
I'm going back to school.

Yeah! Alright.

- Alright.
- Right.

Thank you, guys.

I really appreciate
your support.

And you know what,
I think I'll only take

one course every semester.

That way, I can still do
the cooking around here.

This calls for a pizza.

[all]
Yeah!

- Thick crust.
- Thin crust.

- Cheese-less.
- No, I don't think so.

[indistinct chatter]

Mark this date, Frank,
for one brief shining moment

they didn't seem
to hate each other.

Yeah. It was nice.

Carol, do you have
to study again tonight?

Yeah, I think I'm gonna
have to pull an all-nighter.

- Oh, man.
- But you could help me study.

Ha-ha, right.
And what's the course?

Romance 101.

Stick with me, you'll have
a degree by midnight.

[theme music]

[music continues]