Step by Step (1991–1998): Season 1, Episode 15 - Drive, He Said - full transcript

[instrumental music]

Hey, little cuz.

Why the long face?

My friend Billy
has the chicken pox

and he can't play with me.

Oh, serious bummer.

You know what'll cheer you up?

One of my world-famous
homemade ice cream sandwiches.

- Alright!
- Yeah, right.

What are you guys doing?

Oh, I'm making Brendan
one of my



world-famous
ice cream sandwiches.

You want one?

Ice cream sandwich?

Yeah, it does sound pretty good.

Well, you want rye
or whole wheat?

I got sour dough.

[theme music]

[screaming]

♪ The dream wide broken ♪

♪ Seemed like all was lost ♪

♪ What would be the future? ♪

♪ Could you pay the cost? ♪

♪ You wonder ♪

♪ Will there ever be ♪



♪ A second time around? ♪

♪ Whoa-a whoa-a ♪

♪ When the tears are over ♪

♪ And the moment has come ♪

♪ Say my Lord
I think I found someone ♪

♪ You know it will be better ♪

♪ To putting it together ♪

♪ For the second time around ♪

♪ We got the woman and man ♪♪ Ooh ooh ooh ♪

♪ We got the kids in a clan ♪♪ Ooh ooh ooh ♪

♪ Only time will tell ♪

♪ If all these dreams
fit under one umbrella ♪

♪ Step by step ♪

♪ Day by day ♪

♪ A fresh start over ♪

♪ A different hand to play ♪

♪ The deeper we fall ♪

♪ The stronger we stay ♪

♪ And we'll be better ♪

♪ The second time around ♪

♪ Step by step ♪

♪ Day by day ♪♪ Day by day ♪

♪ A fresh start over
a different hand to play ♪

♪ Only time will tell
but you know what they say ♪

♪ We'll make it better ♪

♪ The second time around ♪♪

[instrumental music]

[sighs]

Yes.

Hey, dad, how are you doing?

Well, frankly,
I've had a tough day

and I'm beat.

Oh, well, I was going to ask you

if I could learn to play
a musical instrument

but you're probably too tired
to talk

so I'll just assume the answer
is yes and I'll leave you alone.

Well.. Okay.
Whoa! Wait a minute.

[scoffs]
Al, we have to talk about this.

Dad, I really, really wanna
learn a musical instrument.

Yeah, but, Al,
you really, really want things

and then you really,
really lose interest.

Dad, this is different.

I mean..

...I've got music in my soul.

You've heard me hum.

Please, dad.

Alright, you can take up
a musical instrument.

- Alright!
- Yeah, b-but..

You have to promise

to really, really stick with it.

I promise. I'll practice
every day until I'm a pro.

Alright, it's a deal.

Woah! Boom, bam, boom.

Thanks, dad.
I'm gonna go rent some drums.

Okay.

Drums? Al!

Why do I let them talk to me
when I'm tired?

[instrumental music]

Yo, slow boy.

Have you seen my mom?

What's the matter?
Diaper ridin' up on you again?

Huggy humor.

A step up for you.

Listen, I have to ask her
to take me downtown tomorrow

for my road test.

Road test?
As in driver's license?

Woah, you must be stoked.

J.T., any dim-witted buffoon

can get a driver's license.

Which means
even you've got a shot.

I know I'll be a better driver
than you.

I mean, after all,
you're a girl.

[laughing]

Oh, go club your dinner
to death.

Hey, dad, guess what. Dana's
getting her driver's license.

Oh, terrific.

Thanks for your enthusiasm.

Teenage drivers are the worst.

How can you say that?

When I was a teenage driver

I was the worst in the world.

I smashed up my dad's car twice.

No, three times
if you count the time

I hit it with mom's car.

I can understand your concern,
but you don't have to worry

about my driving
because unlike J.T..

...I'm..

What's the word
I'm looking for?

Smart.

- Hi, guys.
- Mom.

Can you take me downtown
tomorrow for my road test?

Oh, tomorrow,
oh, Dana, I can't.

I've got a killer schedule
at the beauty shop.

Uh, maybe,
uh, Frank can take you.

He's gotta go down there anyway,
renew his license.

- Right, right.
- Great.

- And I can even drive.
- Wait a minute.

- You're gonna drive me?
- Yeah.

And if my driving
makes you nervous

you can just close your eyes.

That's what I do.

[laughs]

Oh, she's kidding.

[laughs]

Uh...aren't you?

[instrumental music]

Driving, it..
It's not a right.

Driving is a privilege.

And that's why
getting a driver's license is--

An awesome responsibility
not to be taken lightly.

The white zone
is for passenger loading

and unloading only.

Frank, please, give it a rest.

I just want you
to pay attention.

I'll leave you alone. Fine.

Car on the left,
car on the left.

Frank.

- I need some music.
- Oh.

Fine.

♪ Heartbreak highway
fast lane.. ♪♪

[switching channel]

♪ Now I'm doing fine.. ♪♪

Who sold you this truck,
Dwight Yoakam?

Oh, stop sign.

- 'Stop, s-s-stop sign.'
- Relax.

I know what I'm doing.

[brakes screeching]

Oh. Oh, look,
now here's a good test for you.

Two cars reach an intersection
at the same time.

Who has the right of way?

Duh, the one
with the bigger car.

Dana, I'm not kidding.

Okay, okay, the one
on the right. Satisfied?

I just want you
to pay attention.

I am paying attention.

[Frank sighs]

Oh, look at that jerk

'throwing a soda can
out the window.'

Hey, dog brain,
that's a $50 fine!

Hey, uh,
how are you doing, Robert? Heh!

Jeez.

[instrumental music]

Well, here I go.
Wish me luck.

Good luck, Dana.
I hope you pass.

Not.

Uh, hi, uh-uh, I gotta renew
my driver's license.

Mm.

This expired yesterday.

You'll have to take
the written test again.

A test?

Well, I.. I thought
I just had to fill out a form.

That's if you came in yesterday.

Today you have to take the test.

[chuckles]
Oh, come on.

You can bend the rules a little.
Just one little day.

I guess you think our rules
are a big joke.

- Huh, fella?
- Uh, uh, no, no.

You probably think
the state of Wisconsin

just owes you
a driver's license.

Well, no, as a matter of fact,
I was telling my stepdaughter--

The pencils are over there,
pretty boy.

Alright.
What's with the attitude?

I've seen your type before.

Smart college guy who thinks
he knows all the answers.

Hey, just because I went
to college

doesn't mean I'm smart.

Give me the test.

Ooh, test number four.

Good luck.

[instrumental music]

Hello, number four.

[laughs]

[laughing]

So, uh, how many can I miss
and still pass?

- Seven.
- Oh.

It's gonna be easier
than I thought.

First one's wrong.

Oh, big deal, so I missed one.

- That's two.
- Alright.

And baby makes three.

I missed three?

Four, five, six.

Pick up sticks.

Well, now, come on now.

Now who drives 15 miles an hour
through a hospital zone?

People who believe
in the laws of this country.

Frank, I passed the test.

I am now a licensed driver.

That's seven.

And eight.

You failed.

What?

Frank, you failed the test?

I thought everyone passed
the written test.

Not everybody.

Not joy boy.

Let me ask you something.

What kind of fine are we talking
if I deck you?

Last guy paid 1500 bucks.

- Yeah, that's worth it.
- Frank! Stop it!

Don't..
Honey, I can afford it.

No!

[instrumental music]

[instrumental music]

[gargling]

Ah.

[sighs]

[drum roll]

Al has got to stop drumming.

I can't even hear myself think.

Well, you're not missing much.

You know, there is
scientific evidence

that loud noise
causes hearing loss.

What?

- I can't take this anymore!
- I know.

But mom said we should give Al
support and understanding.

Alright, this nightmare
has got to end.

Al.

Al.

Al!

Sweetheart, uh,
I just think it's great

that you are so dedicated
to your...art.

Uh, but isn't it time
for a little break?

No way, Carol, I don't want
my dad to think I'm a quitter.

Al, we're not talking
about quitting.

We're just talking
about taking a little break..

...until I pass on.

What are you guys
trying to tell me?

Look, Al, don't take this
the wrong way

but you're really bad.

Take a hike, Barbie.
Ken's looking for you.

Are you saying
I look like a doll?

Yeah.

Well, thank you. Heh-heh-heh!

Hey, everybody,
I got my license.

- Oh, oh, I knew you would.
- 'Oh..'

That's terrific.

Now guess who lost his.

[door closes]

[sighs]

I can take the test again
on Monday.

Frank, what happened?

Oh, honey,
I was one measly day late

renewing my license and I had to
take the written test again

and I missed
a couple of questions.

[scoffs]
Eight.

[in unison]
Huh! Eight?

[grunts]
Honey, the guy had it in for me.

He gave me the hardest test.
Look, number four.

I mean, look,
"What is the speed limit

when approaching
a railroad crossing?"

- Fifteen miles an hour.
- N-no, see..

It's 15 miles an hour.

Well, fine, it's easy when
you're not under any pressure.

Mom, can I borrow your car?

I wanna drive to the library.

Sure, honey.

[Frank]
Uh, Dana.

Don't take, uh, Maple.

It's under construction.
There's a lot of potholes.

Ah. That's good advice, Frank.

But it would carry
so much more weight

if it came
from a licensed driver.

[all]
Ooh!

Oh, come on, guys.

Frank feels bad enough as it is

losing his license like this.

He feels like a moron, an idiot

a- a loser, don't you, Frank?

I do now.

[instrumental music]

[drum roll]

Al.

Al.

Al! Ow!

Honey?

[sighs]

Al, remember what I said
about sticking to things?

Well, that's always true
e- except when it's not.

Uh, say, for instance,
you don't enjoy something

you know, like,
oh, I don't know.

- Help me out here, Carol, uh--
- The-the drums..

Oh, good example, good,
yeah, like

let's say
you don't enjoy something

like the drums
you should quit.

No way,
I love playing the drums.

- I never wanna quit.
- Never?

Ever?

Well, I wanted to quit
the first day

but then I remembered
what dad said

about sticking to things.

And now drumming is my life!

Thanks, dad.

Yeah, thanks, dad.

[drum roll]

Carol, I gotta get out of here.

Now I need something
at the hardware store.

- Will you drive me?
- I can't.

I have a full schedule
at the beauty shop

but I know somebody who can.

♪ When a man loves a woman ♪

♪ Can't keep his mind
on nothing else ♪

♪ He'll trade the world ♪

♪ For the good thing
he's found ♪♪

Dana, Dana, uh, maybe you
shouldn't sing while you drive.

And maybe you should just keep
your mind on the road, okay?

I can handle it, Frank.

I can also walk and chew gum
at the same time.

Impressive, huh?

I just think you should
concentrate when you drive.

Concentrate on what?

We're on a quiet street
in a small Wisconsin town.

What am I gonna hit,
a runaway cheese wheel?

- Dana, look out!
- Aah!

[panting]

It's okay, it's okay.

We didn't hit anything.
Are you alright?

[horn honking]

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, I'm fine.

[instrumental music]

Hey, Dana. There is a demolition
derby this weekend.

You're gonna enter?

Three days
and she still won't drive.

If I had my license, you
couldn't drag me out of the car.

Of course, when Dana drives

everyone has to be dragged
out of the car.

Oh!

Aren't you gonna insult me back?

[sighs]
What's the point?

It's no fun
if you don't fight back.

Come on, take a shot.
Tell me how stupid I am.

J.T., you're as dumb as a post.

Thanks, Al. It's just not
the same coming from you.

[instrumental music]

Oh, Carol.

I passed my test,
I got my license.

Good work, Frank.

Oh, Dana,
I got my driver's license.

[Carol]
'Uh, Frank.'

Yeah, uh, but I'm not gonna
use it or anything.

Dana...I saw in the paper

there's a Woody Allen movie
playing downtown.

Why don't you take the car
and go see it tonight?

Why bother?

All Woody Allen films are about
the same thing.

How we are at the mercy
of a capricious universe.

How we never know
when the sky will fall.

How at any moment
fate could deal us a bad hand.

I don't need a movie
to tell me that.

I thought
"Bananas" was a comedy.

Dana, did you say no
to the movie because you don't

wanna see it or because
you don't wanna drive there?

I don't wanna drive anywhere.
Ever again.

Dana, let me tell you something.

When I first graduated
from beauty school--

Mom, is this
another hairdressing

as a metaphor for life story?

Just listen.

When I first graduated
from beauty school

I thought
I was really hot stuff.

Then one day, this woman
walks in to the beauty shop

and says she wants her hair
cut short and I thought

"Hey, this is a piece of cake."

So I cut a little off the top

and little off the sides.

Then I cut a little more
off the top

and little more off the sides.

When I finished, she looked
like a bowling ball with lips.

I never wanted to pick up
a pair of scissors again.

But, mom,
driving is more serious.

I mean,
there's no organized group

"Mothers against bad haircuts."

Of course, it's more serious.

Look, maybe this
was a good thing.

You had a close call,
but nobody got hurt.

You got off with a warning.

I just can't believe
I made such a stupid mistake.

I must be a real idiot.

Oh, Dana,
you are not an idiot.

You are a smart girl.

But being a smart person
and a smart driver

are two different things.

But, mom..

...I'm really scared
about driving.

Well, that's good.

'Cause you were cocky before
and look what happened.

So what do I do now?

Well, the way I see it,
you have two choices.

One, you could deal
with your fear

realize you made a mistake

and get behind the wheel again.

Or you could depend on other
people to drive you around

the rest of your life.

J.T. is getting
his license soon.

I'm sure
you could depend on him.

I mean, you two are so close.

Mom, I know exactly
what you're trying to do.

And it's working.

[sighs]
You're right.

I should give driving
another shot.

Thanks.

Where are you going?

Upstairs. To see J.T.

Hey, pinhead, I'm back.

Nice going, honey.

I heard the whole thing.
I love that beauty school story.

Thank you.

The best thing just happened.

Pam Willis
got an electric guitar.

We're starting a metal band!

See, her sister's
a really strong screamer--

No, uh, uh, Al.

Wh-where is this metal band
gonna practice?

Well, here, of course.

Uh, Al, come here, sit down.
I wanna talk to you.

Is this another

life-is-a-construction-site
story?

No, no, of course not.

Al, when I first graduated
from beauty school..

...I thought
I was really hot stuff

and-and, and then one day,
this lady came in

looking like a bowling ball
with lips..

[instrumental music]

[theme music]