Station 19 (2018–…): Season 4, Episode 1 - Nothing Seems the Same - full transcript

When the COVID-19 pandemic hits Seattle, the Station 19 crew leans on each other for support. Andy tries to make sense of her mother's return. And it's all-hands-on-deck when a group of teenagers unintentionally starts a wild fire.

Previously on "Station 19"...
ANDY: There's no way out. I'm trapped.

You're not well.
You can't... Exactly.

That's why I'm gonna
save my daughter's life.

ANDY: Tía Sandra sent me
a birthday card every year

from age 10 to 15.

He kept those from me.

I thought my parents
were happy.

And now I think
maybe she killed herself.

Where's my girlfriend?

You have a girlfriend? Sasha!

Actually knew what you
were doing. It was pretty hot.

I think you should
move out.


[GROANING] Dr. Shepherd
ordered morphine as needed.

I-I need it!
I need it!

Did my mom...





What are you...








How's the eulogy coming?

It's not.


Change of scenery
might help.

Come on.
It's time for the clapout.







Wow, this is unreal.

do I miss my wife.

I'm sorry.

No, no, it's fine.

Robert and I chose
to separate.

You and Miranda
did not.

Hey, Roz.

W... Hey.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Now, what are you guys

The boys wanted
to see their mom.

TUCK: I know Auntie Roz
is only staying with us

while you and Mom
are quarantining at work,

but can she...
Can she move in with us?


Alright, what did you
bribe them with?

What can I say?
My auntie games is on point.



Thank you guys for getting up
an hour early.

It means a lot to me.

Oh, Mom!

My boys!

What... Oh.

Benjamin Warren,
you are a sight for sore eyes.

And back and feet.

I miss you.

I miss you.

Oh, Rosalind,
thank you.

No, thank you.

- Uh, how we doing on time?
- We're about there.

- Thank you, Dr. Bailey.
- We love you, Bailey.

- You're the best.
- You guys, you guys, it's time.




Thank you
for all you do!


Thanks, Dr. Bailey!

Thank you so much!

We love you guys!

We love you!



Wait, you're giving them
our toilet paper?

Our toilet paper?

You're giving them
your toilet paper?

You're never gonna find
your own place, are you?

I'm looking.

I am!

♪ But I'm too madly
in love with you ♪


Oh, hi, honey.

Hi, Mom.
Hi, Mom.

Oh, I'm so glad
to see you.

Oh, my God.
So many groceries.

VIC: I know.
Thank you.

Is that toilet paper?


♪ So, I'm gonna
bet it all on you ♪

Whoa, whoa, bud, bud.
You forgetting something?

He doesn't like
when we wear the face mask

because he can't
read lips.

I don't make the rules.

I think it's horse crap,
if you ask me.

Yeah, that's what they said
about seatbelts at first, too.

Inara, he's here.

♪ Roll with me, roll with me ♪

♪ Oh, baby, roll with me ♪

Hey. Hi.

You need anything?

Just you.

Uh, I mean that we all wish
you could hang out with us.

Marcus is dying to show you
his train set.

♪ Roll with me, roll with me ♪

Why am I signing?
I don't know.

♪ Roll with me, roll with me ♪

♪ Ooh, ooh-ooh,
ooh, ooh-ooh ♪

♪ Ooh-ooh-ooh, ooh, ooh-ooh ♪

♪ Ooh, ooh-ooh,
ooh, ooh-ooh ♪

Alright, we're here today

to teach you the basics
of wildfire training.

In the case of a wildland fire
anywhere on the West Coast,

we call on you to help back up
the fire companies.


Yeah, what fire station
you work at?

My cousin, he works at, uh,
SFD... What is it? 23.

Name's Barnes.

he's a good firefighter.

you work with him?

We work for a company
called Mavis.

It's a private
fire company.

The hell does that mean?

Means we get paid more
than your cousin.

What it means
is that private clientele

hire us
to protect their property.

Now, what we're gonna
teach you today

is called an anchor, flank,
and pinch drill.

It's the most useful tactic
you will learn today.

A reminder that
the virtual memorial service

for Captain Herrera will
take place this afternoon.

I can't believe after all
the crap we went through

to get him his
Line of Duty funeral,

we have to do it on the
frickin' Internet. Agreed.

Tell me again why we can't
just wait until after lockdown.

I mean,
he was cremated anyway.

'Cause we don't know when
"after lockdown's" gonna be.

Can't be more than
a couple weeks, right?

Yeah, you just keep
telling yourself that.

Sorry I'm late!

Miller, Miller, you touch it,
you clean it.

Thanks for the reminder,



Six feet apart.
Come on.

Come on.
We live together.

Just don't be mad, Dad.

Wow. Okay, look... look, guys,
it's not that hard.

19 is your household,

so you don't have to wear masks
in here,

but you do still have to
keep your distance.

That is a great segue.

Hughes, when are you gonna
get your crap out of my place?


DISPATCH: Aid car requested
to Black Ball Hill rest area.

You guys are lucky
I'm not your dad,

'cause if I was,
you'd show more respect.

Larson, six feet.

Have a good day, Dad!
Love you.

So, Sasha offered to stay
with me, help out with Pru.

Also known as
moving in with you?

No. We are just
quarantining together.

That's it.


No, man, it's your story.

You tell it
the way you want to.


Herrera, you, um...
You need anything today?

All good.


Don't touch me.

I'm not this...
I'm not this...

This... This...
This isn't real.

Andrea, this is real,
and I know it's awful.

I didn't want to...
But you kept calling.

No, no.
You called and you called

and you said you wanted
to know the truth.

My sweet girl.

This is the truth.

Just hear her out.

Just hear her out,




I know this is a lot.

It's probably too much.
No, no, no, no, no.






How does one even date
during a pandemic?

Same way as before.

You just text each other
for weeks

until someone
stops responding.

This guy's profile
just says "snakes."

Oh, do you think that means he's
interested in snakes as a hobby,

or is he interested
in snake-like men?

Does it matter?



One of you
call in a burn?

One of us did.

Well, I'm sorry, you shouldn't be
messing around with health stuff.

Well, then maybe
you shouldn't have come.

VIC: Did you call us?
You hurt?

Uh, no.
Billie is.

Okay, can you put your mask on
for me, please?

We broke down on our way back
from... my mom's house.

Mom's house, huh?

All of you?

Uh, yeah.

Wouldn't be breaking quarantine
to party, would you?

Yeah, your parents know
you're out here?

Where are your masks?
They're in the car.

I mean, you weren't even wearing
them in the car, either.

Well, you know what?
We work together, so...

Which makes us a bubble.

What is your name?
Uh, Kayden.

It's my car.

Okay. Hey, come here.
What happened?

Oh, I thought maybe
the car overheated,

so I opened up the radiator cap,
and, um...

Ooh. Ouch.

Well, next time, wait for
the car to cool down first.

What's your name again?

Billie. Sweet.
I'm Vic.

You boys haven't been drinking,
have you?

Oh, I'm not a boy.

Billie's nonbinary.

Oh. Got it.
Sorry about that.

My bad.
I'm Travis.

He/him. Sometimes she.

I'm gonna... Should I...
I'm gonna check the car.

The purpose of the anchor point
is to prevent the fire

from burning around the end
of the control line,

possibly outflanking
the suppression crew,

which is you guys.


Good job.

Let's take five.

Stay where
I can see you.

I hate this crap.

What? Drills?


with criminals.

You know they're human beings
who made mistakes

and now have the opportunity
to learn a skill

that will help
the society they hurt?

Yeah, I guess you would have to
look at it that way, huh?

Why would I have to
look at it that way?

Come on, man.

Half these dudes are in here
for selling plants, but you...

You steal Schedule II narcotics
off an aid car?

You thought I didn't know?

Come on, man.
Everybody talks.

And everybody knows.

My only question is, how'd you
manage not to get locked up in here?

NELLIGAN: Are you sure?

Could you do the test
just to be sure?

Mr. Nelligan, the COVID tests
are in short supply right now,

so we have to limit them
to people with symptoms.

You know, I think
I feel my throat

closing up
just a tiny bit.

[CHUCKLES] Well, then I
suggest you walk three blocks

down the road
to Grey-Sloan.

And risk getting it
from someone there?

Mr. Nelligan, it's the same
as I told you last week.

The best thing you can do
is stay home,

wear a mask
if you do go outside,

and stay six feet away
from anyone else, okay?


I don't know
what I pay taxes for

if I can't get a test
during a pandemic.




I'm sorry.

I should have
told you...

That my mother
is alive?

That she faked
her own death?

That she
let me believe...

Oh, my God, this is...
You called me a lot of times.

You said
you wanted to talk.

You said your father
had lied to you.

You said
you found my letters.

I thought she had
killed herself!

I-I wanted to see you.
I-I missed you.

I wanted to know why you left me
after she died,

why I never
saw you again, why...

I missed you, Tía.

I know,
but how could I?

How could I see you when...
What could I have said?

What could I have said
that would be true?

Did my dad know?

Did he know
she was alive?

That's not my story
to tell, Andy.

Your mother is here.

She came a long way
to talk...

She came a long way?

You want me
to give her credit?

After 20 years?

After 20 years,
she came...


Andy. Andy, honey.


Andrea, talk to her.

You deserve to know
the whole story,

even if she doesn't deserve
to tell it.


VIC: I dunno, I just feel like
I need to vibe with a guy

if I'm gonna risk my life
to make out with him.

Who said I was planning
on making out?

Oh, so you have
zero intention

of actually sleeping
with any of these guys?

We will cross
that bridge...

when it becomes
impossible not to.


Anyway, it's like
going to the gym.

You stretch before and then...
wipe everything down after.


Speaking of which,

what is going on
with Herrera and Sullivan?

Oh, my God.

What? What?
Who is it?

Who is it?

Car fire at
Black Ball Hill rest area.

That's those kids.

What the hell
did they do?







So, should I do it?

Let Sasha quarantine with me.

You mean
move in with you?

Look, I have a baby,

I have a whole tiny human
with a very big cry

and a great many a need,

and it's just the two of us
locked up together, man.

And frankly, firefighting is
way easier than childrearing,

and Sasha wants to help.

So, I should just
let her help, right?

Yeah, okay.

But you actually like her,

Yeah, sure.
Yes, yes.

Laughing's not helpful.

That doesn't help.



Hey. We told you
to wait for a tow.

He tried to fix it.

He thought he could fix it,
and it... it...

It blew up?

Billie, was anyone else hurt?
It blew up.

Why did it blow up?!
Billie, were they hurt?

They ran. I-I don't know.
I don't know. They ran.

Why did they run?

Billie, are you just scared,
or are you on something?



Ladder 19,
this is Aid Car 19.

I have an 18-year-old male

with full thickness burns
from a car explosion,

three other teenagers MIA,
possibly injured,

possibly high,
definitely stupid.

Copy, Hughes.
We're four minutes out.

Get the patient in the aid car
and ready to go when we arrive.


I need four more aid cars

at Black Ball Hill
rest area.

Tell me again
what my dad said to you

before he went up
that ladder.

He said, "Tell Andrea
everything I did... ".

"Everything I did,
I did because I loved her."


Are you gonna put it
in the eulogy?

Don't you want to sit?

Did my father beat you?

Did he...
Did he torture you?

Was... Was he a monster
and I just never knew it?

No. I was overwhelmed
from the minute you were born.

I-I was in over my head.

I never planned to be a mother,
but I loved you.

I-I love you.

I just wanted
to fight fires,

and I know that you
get that, m'ija.

Can you not
call me that?

Papi calls me that.

I got pregnant,
and I thought I was wrong.

I was told I was wrong.

I was told that I would
love being a mother.

ELENA: I was told that
the minute I held you in my arms

that I would forget about
every dream I had before you,

but that didn't happen.

You were born,
and I loved you,

but I also resented you,

and I resented your father

for getting to do the one thing
we both wanted to do.

I was so depressed.

I became unstable,
self-loathing, angry, violent.

And that was
a different time.

No one ever talked about
mental health back then,

especially not
for mothers.

I felt hopeless.
I felt like a failure.

I wanted to die because
there was no way out.

There was not a way out
that wouldn't destroy you.

But I loved you.

I still love you, Andy.

Where did you go?

I went to New York,
where my cousins lived.

I fought fires for two years,
and then I injured out.

I need you to understand

that this is the biggest shame
of my life.

Biggest shame.

But not
your biggest regret.


You aren't sorry.

You're not...
You're not sorry, are you?

- Of course I am. But you.
- - But you haven't said that.

You've said a lot of things

but you haven't said,
"I'm sorry for leaving you

and letting you think
I was dead."

Well, I didn't know...

You didn't know
that faking your own death

would make me think
you were dead?!

I didn't fake anything,

I just left.

Your father
did the rest.



Montgomery, go and search
the perimeter.

Hey, we treated a small burn
from a radiator cap earlier

and then left them
waiting for a tow truck.

They must have poured gas
in the radiator.

Let's put water on that...



There it goes!


Anchor, flank, and pinch!
Don't let that fire grow!

Dispatch, we have a car fire
that's spread to some trees.

I'm gonna need
three more engines.

Knock down that fire, Banks!
Come on!

We're getting called in.

Black Ball Hill.

Hey, yo, can we come?

Nah. This is
the big leagues, Banks.

You stay here and keep
practicing with your toy hoses.

SULLIVAN: You know,
you don't have to mock them.

I know Banks
is a pain in the ass,

but he'll be
a good firefighter.

Yeah, for Convict Work Crew
Number One.

Nothing wrong with that.
We rely on these guys.

Then why does the state pay them
next to nothing, huh?

Well, that's just
how it is.

It's rehabilitation.

It's capitalism, Sully.

They're cheap labor
while they're here,

but you know damn well
Seattle Fire

ain't gonna hire them
when they get out.

Hey. That's another thing
you have in common with them.


Warren, grab some brush rolls
off of Engine 19

so they can extend the line
on the left flank.

Grabbing brush rolls.

TRAVIS: Captain!

Miller, go!

Almost there.

where's that other aid car?



Warren, I've got some ember cast
on my right flank.

I need you to bring a couple
of those brush rolls

and a water thief
to the side.

Go, go, go!

Montgomery, let's go!
Let's go! Come on!

This is Billie,
18-year-old NB

with partial thickness burns
on both forearms

and smoke inhalation.

I just put them
on oxygen.

Hemodynamically stable.
No loss of consciousness.

Possible... probable...
Drugs involved.

The other two are still
out there somewhere.

19'll find them.



This is just wrong.

What? You suddenly
grew a conscience?

Fowler, I had an injury
on the job,

and I developed
an addiction,

which explains why I briefly
became someone I didn't like.

Now, you're someone else
I don't like.

But as far
as I can tell...

you were just born
that way.



Cheer up, Sully.

Don't call me Sully.

See this big house?

This is why they pay us
the big bucks.


VIC: Grey-Sloan, this is Hughes
on Aid Car 19.

I have an 18-year-old male with
extensive full thickness burns.

TBSA estimate
greater than 70%.

and intubated.

Hughes, I'm sorry,

but we aren't taking
any non-COVID emergencies.

Pressure's dropping!

See, that's not
gonna work for me

because I have
a barbecued teenager here

and you're
the closest burn center.

Very sorry, but...
Okay, cool.

See ya soon.

I like it!

ANDY: Bishop, I've got
a spot fire to my right

about 50 yards
outside the burn.

FOWLER: Just don't
open the door, babe.

No, no.

He's gonna set it
on the porch,

then he'll walk away,
then you can go get it.

That spot is starting to run.

It might hook our location.

No. No.

No, you do not have to boil it
before you eat it.

Gibson, I need you over here!




The hell?



we're gonna need water.

Hand lay a two and a half
down to that hydrant.

Dispatch, did you ask
for a private company...



Where do you
need me?


North side.

Lay a hose line around the flank
of that spot fire

and pinch it off.
Alright. Copy that.



Captain, I have eyes
on one of the other kids.

MAYA: Good.
Keep working on that fire.

That's the best way to protect
him until we can evac.


My father told me
you were very sick.

I always assumed you had some
illness that couldn't be cured.

I guess you did.
Just not the kind I thought.

You know, when fathers
leave their children,

no one blames it
on mental illness,

no one
calls them monsters.

They just turn to the mother
who's left alone

and is expected
to do both jobs.

Which is what you did
to my dad.

I told you, I was not in the right
mind... Well, which one was it?

Were you mentally ill,
or were you not?

I don't know.
I was depressed.

I was exhausted.

And sometimes suicidal.

I was never diagnosed
or medicated...

You were just happier
once I was out of your life.

No. I was devastated.

And I missed you

And, yes...

I felt free.

When... When you left...

did he tell you he was gonna
say you were dead?

No. He asked me,
"What am I supposed to tell

a 9-year-old girl about
why her mother left her?"

And I said,
"I don't know.

Tell her I'm dead."

But I didn't mean it,

just like I didn't mean to leave
you that day forever. But you did!

You left.

And my father
made the decision

that it would be less painful
for me to grieve you

than to know
you abandoned me.


I need
a fire shelter here!

SULLIVAN: I got it!


Keep your eyes on the fire,

I got it.


You're gonna be okay.

Hold it close to the ground,
and do not move no matter what.

You hear me?!





Herrera, we got this.
Go help him.

It's okay.
It's okay.

Bishop, I have one male
with second-degree burns,

possibly in shock.
MAYA: Copy.

We have an aid car
standing by.


Frankie, is that your name?

No, no, I'm...
I'm Conor.

Conor, my name is Andy.
Where else does it hurt?

I don't... I don't... W-We...
We just wanted to be together

for one night,
you know, one party.

Prom's been canceled.
Graduation's been canceled.

Okay. They're mailing
us our freaking diplomas!

12 years of school,
and we're missing everything!

It's okay. It's okay.
It's okay.

Hey, take a deep breath
for me.

what's your name again?

Conor Jaxtimer.
Have you found Frankie yet?

Let's get him up.

Bishop, there's another kid
out here.

Let's get you up.
His name is Frankie.

Come on.
Let's go find him.

Gibson, any sign
of the fourth kid?

JACK: Not yet.
Will update.


Come on.

Wait, wait, wait.
You have to find Frankie.

He's got a bunch
of health problems.

He didn't want to come out
and party.

I forced him to.

Come on.

Frankie, hey!

can you hear me?!

I'm here to help you!

[WEAKLY] Help!

Frankie, call out
if you can hear me.


I got him!

I was running,
and then I tripped.

There was so much smoke.
It's okay.

It's okay.
I'm gonna help you now.

This is Warren.

I'm gonna need a stretcher
and a med bag.

Frankie, have you, uh... have
you had a surgery recently?

Am I bleeding?


Oh, man!
My dad's gonna freak out!

Hey, Hughes!
We're not taking any...

No, I know you're not taking
any non-COVID cases right now,

but you are taking this teenager
with full thickness burns

from head to toe
from a car explosion.

I intubated him
on the scene.

He's hypotensive
and tachycardic,

and you are the best,
so you are taking him,

because if you send us away,
he dies

and that makes you
a murderer.


Okay, trauma one.

You were right to bring
him here. Yeah, I know that.

Oh, uh, the next kid
that comes in, Billie,

make sure no one calls them
"he" or "she," okay?

Wait, there's more? Yeah, don't murder
any of the burned teenagers, Dr. Hunt!


Let's go.

I hate teenagers.

I hated teenagers even
when I was a teenager.

'Cause they're so stupid?
'Cause they're so stupid.

Yeah, well, their brains
aren't fully formed yet,

so it's not entirely
their fault.

It's like hating a puppy
for being cute.

You know, they can't help
what they are, so...

I hate that they're gonna
miss prom and graduation.

High school sucks enough
without a pandemic

to take away all the parts
that don't suck.

Oh, yeah.

Hey, Vic.

Whatever happened
to hot doctor lover?

Oh, just doctor,
not lover.

Still hot, though.


Oh, wait, who did you see
on that app?

Wha... Travis?

I'm gonna disinfect
the front.

[CRYING] I'm not just
some dumb kid, I swear.

I was almost valedictorian,

if I hadn't missed so much
school for my health stuff.

I hadn't even left the house
since we went into lockdown.

I just wanted to see my
friends. Frankie. Frankie.

I have a couple of kids
about your age,

and if one of them
was hurt,

even if it was because
they did something stupid,

all I would want is for them
to get better.

Everyone makes mistakes.


Even valedictorians.

ANDY: Captain,
we're done mopping up.

We've cold-trailed
the entire perimeter.

MAYA: Good work, Lieutenant.
Let's pack it up.

VIC: Leaving Grey-Sloan.

We still doing
Friday Night Lights?

See you there.

Sasha's sexy,
funny, and smart,

in addition
to being great with Pru.

I'm alone, she's alone.

Having a quarantine buddy that's
also good at changing diapers,

man, it's...
It's a win-win.

[LAUGHS] You laugh
again, I'm gonna hit you.

You know that. It's just usually
I'm the one in this friendship

making terrible
relationship decisions.

It's fun being
on the other side.

So, what,
I-I should do it?

[CHUCKLING] I don't know, man.
Do you love her?

Love her?

We've only been dating
six weeks.

I'm not talking
about Sasha.


Trying not to.

You know what to do.
Do I?


All that laughing,
it hurts my feelings, man.

[LAUGHING] Seriously.

I'm laughing,
but I'm hurting on the inside.

MAN: Alright, 19,

let's bring some joy
to the people.

♪ It feels like there's
no more fight in you ♪


♪ But I see the daylight
breaking through ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ When there's no more strength
to carry on ♪


♪ I know the storm
will soon be gone ♪

♪ And someday we'll be
on the other side ♪

♪ It won't be long ♪

♪ It won't be long ♪

♪ Change will come, yeah ♪

♪ I know that it won't be long ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah ♪ ♪ A
change is gonna come, come, come ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah ♪ ♪ A
change is gonna come, come, come ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ A change is gonna come ♪


He said something else...
Your dad.

I guess I didn't think
to mention it before

because I was so worried about
remembering the other thing.

He said he handpicked us all...
All of us at 19.

And he said that

even though we weren't
all the best recruits

that he saw something
in all of us

that he knew would work
as a family.


I got my first period
the day before my 12th birthday.

I thought
I had pooped myself.

Ah, no one told me what
to expect or when to expect it.

I just woke up one day,

and there was
this dark brown stuff

all over the sheets
and in my underwear.

I was mortified.

I balled up all the bedding
and all my clothes

and shoved them
in the washing machine

and poured so much
detergent in there

that the machine jammed
and overflowed with suds.

Papi came home from a shift
that morning and yelled so loud.


But then when he realized
what happened, he said,

"M'ija, you stay here.

I'm going to the store.

I'll clean this up
when I get back."


He came back with

13 different brands
and sizes of pads.

And then he sat me down

and explained what was
happening to my body.

He didn't judge me
or act disgusted.

But he cried.

He cried through
the entire thing.

I always remembered
those tears

down his cheeks.

And all this time,
I thought he was just sad

that his little girl
was growing up.

Until just now.

I realized he was crying

because he knew my mother
was out there somewhere,

not to be my mother.

He came to get me.

When 9/11 happened.

I guess you were
about 12.

He came to New York
to help firefighters.

He showed up on my cousin's
doorstep one night

covered in white ash,
demanding to see me.

He got on his knees, sobbed
and begged me to come home.

He said he would
take all the blame,

that he just wanted you
to have your mother.

I went to New York.
I went to go get him.

We came home together.


I'm sorry.


I'm... I'm sorry
I was not a good mother.

I'm sorry I couldn't.

I'm... I'm sorry
I caused you so much pain.

Please tell Tía Sandra
to call me.

She sent me birthday cards
every year of my life.

My dad didn't give them to me,
but she tried.

Which you never did.



you are so done!

You better pray the department
brings your junkie ass back,

because you are s...

We train convicts.

We use them as free labor,

and then when they get out,
we don't give them a job.

You think that's right?
I think it is what it is!

And I take the truck
down the hill

and I help
put out a wildfire!

You think that's wrong?!

Man, right or wrong
is not the point.

I disagree!
The point is it gets you fired!

You disagree?

I'm saying right or wrong
is the point.

It's always the point.


So I'm good
with being fired.





Well, I guess Miller and I
aren't friends anymore.

I'm naked!

In three weeks, the entire world
turned upside down.

Miller kicked me out,

and then two days later,
a pandemic hit.

My parents aren't working

for the first time
in my entire life.

We're about to memorialize
our captain on a video chat.

And you saw something crazy
on a gay dating app,

and you won't even gossip
with me about what it is.

Okay, I need
like one thing...

One thing in my life
to be normal right now,

and if it's not you, I don't
know what the hell it is.

It was my dad.

I was swiping
for gay sex,

and I saw a picture of my dad
with his shirt off,

wearing only chinos
and a belt. No.

And his profile said...

"Let me be your daddy."

Are you sure it was him?
I gave him the belt.

You g... Oh, God! Oh!

It's fine.

Okay, you know what?
Oh, God!

No, alright, it's fine.

No, it's fine.
No, no, it's fine.

You know what?
You're into men.

Great. Awesome.
Live your life.

But don't stay married
to my mom. What?


Sure. Yeah. That.

And the lifetime of shame
and internalized homophobia

that he inflicted on you,

There's also that.



Move in with me.

Not temporarily.
Just move in with me.

And let's be the one normal
thing in each other's lives.



Oh, I love you! Yes!

Oh! No, no, Vic!

Oh, you're naked, too!
Ohhh, let me be your daddy.

No! What?!




Captain Herrera was the only
father figure I had

for any real amount
of time.

You know I asked him for advice
before I proposed to Andy?

I thought he didn't know.
I didn't tell him who.

I just said, "There's this girl,
and I love her.

What do I do?"

And he said, "Son, if you
think this girl loves you

and you can
make her happy,

then do what your heart
tells you."

Point is, my heart is stupid,
so don't listen to me.

If you think you and Sasha
moving in together

is a good idea,
then I'm sure it is.

Oh, hey, Miller, uh,
I'm moving in with Travis.

So I will come
and get my crap tomorrow.

Sorry for taking so long.

♪ How close we came
to sayin' goodbye ♪

Just do it.

Do it.

I'm sorry.
It's fine.

That was just too...

It's fine.
I need...



♪ I will die tryin' ♪

I know what
I have to do now.

♪ If we make it
through the night ♪



Thanks for
the assist today.

Yeah, um, I know I'm not
part of 19 anymore,

but I wanted
to be here for Andy.

If that's okay with you.

I hate what you did, and I hate
that you did it on my watch.

I hate that you put
our 19 family at risk

and the PRT in jeopardy.

And I especially hate

that you may never
be a firefighter again,

because you are
a good firefighter

and the Department
needs you.

I respected you as a mentor,
and you let me down.

I let myself down.

And I'm sorry.

For all of it.

Then we're good.


Come in.


You look sharp.

Thanks... Dad.


I'm sorry.


Gibson made me do it.

That's not cool.


You ready?


Yeah. I am.



♪ Don't hide from me ♪

♪ I wanna be the one
you run to ♪

♪ Try and disappear ♪

♪ But I'm the one
who really sees you ♪

♪ Watch you up on the fence ♪

♪ When you coming down? ♪

If you're watching this,
my dad was probably your hero.

He was mine.

He was a great firefighter

but an even better Captain.

He brought the best
out of everyone

by demanding nothing less.

He was a natural leader,

as anyone who's ever
worked with him knows.

He built great firefighters,
future Captains.

Maybe even future Chiefs.

But beyond that, he was
the best father he could be,

and that wasn't easy to do,
especially on his own.

My dad was faced with
some pretty terrible choices

when I was a kid.

But he did what he thought
was best for me at the time.

Every time.

He chose to protect me
above all else.

And while he may have
made mistakes...

I have no doubt
he'd make them all again

if he thought
it was best for me.

It wasn't easy growing up
without my mom

and without siblings,

but what I've come to realize
is my dad did his best

to give me family.

He created a home at Station 19.

And everyone under his roof
was his kid.


So he may have spent years

protecting me from pain
and burying his own,

but he did his best to give me
the gift of a group of people

who I feel closer to than
any blood brother or sister.

He did his best.

He did his best by me.

He loved me.

He stayed.

He stayed with me
every minute he could

until he had to leave me
to save me one last time.

♪ When you coming down? ♪

♪ When you coming down? ♪

Oh, my God.
I didn't believe you.

I told you
you were crazy.

Well, in fairness to you,
I was acting crazy.

You okay?

Yes and no.

I guess... knowing the truth
is better than wondering.

But again, I'm... I'm sorry
I wasn't here for you.

No, no.

I took morphine
when I woke up.

I needed it.
But now I'm afraid.

I'm afraid it's gonna make me
crave more of it.

I'm afraid I won't be able
to control it.

I need to focus
on my recovery.

I spoke to Dr. Shepherd,
and she suggested I, uh...

take some space.

From... From me?

It's just 90 days,

just to get to
the meetings, okay,

just to work the steps
and get some solid recovery.

You're not supposed to make
any big life changes

when you're
in early sobriety.

I knew that,
and I-I was barely sober.

And you... you were
about to lose your dad.

We had no business
getting married.

So... So, you regret it?


No. And I never will.

But if I want to stay clean,
we need some time apart.

90 days.


Totally separated.

Separated but together,
if I want to stay clean.

And do you?
I do.

I want to live a long,
long life

and love you
every minute of it.

♪ I can't be
the last one to know ♪

♪ I can't be the last one ♪

♪ The distance runs deep ♪

I love you, Dad.

We all do.

And if there's one thing
I wish I could tell you,

it's that I am grateful for you,

because you did your job
so well.

♪ And I can't be
the last one to know ♪

♪ I can't be the last one ♪




♪ When you coming down? ♪