State of the Union (2019–…): Season 2, Episode 6 - Intimacy Kit - full transcript
You don't have to wait.
I'll bring it over.
I'll save you the trouble.
- This is delicious.
- Good.
- Would you like some?
- No.
You don't even want to know
what it is?
No.
- Why not?
- Because it'll be some trick.
A trick? What sort of trick?
Like, it's not that gender
detector gum, is it?
For God's sakes,
there's no such thing.
Okay. I thought you'd be
interested in that kind of shit.
Gender detector gum?
Why would anyone feel
the need to invent that?
Well, it obviously comes in handy
for sports. That's why it was invented.
But apparently, people like
you carry it around now.
People like me?
Who are people like me?
People driven demented
by ambiguity.
So what's the deal?
How does it work?
It reacts with your hormones
and changes colors.
- Pink for a girl, blue for boy?
- Well, It was that.
But people thought it was
too gender stereotypical.
Now, it's green and purple.
And there's someone
trying to make you chew it?
What's going on?
Scott was trying to get me to eat
a gender determining chewing gum.
- Come on.
- I wasn't.
I had never heard
of it until just now.
- Jay's jerking your chain.
- Were you?
- Of course I was.
- Why would you do that?
Because you were trying to get me
to eat something you thought was gonna
tell you something about me.
- What?
- You were putting me on.
How could you believe
any of that?
The pink and the blue,
the green and the purple?
Couple of weeks ago, you were
telling me of the evils of big mustard.
Why wouldn't I believe this?
And how would you know what color
my imaginary chewing gum is anyway?
- Why would I show you?
- You have to spit it out sometime.
- Yeah, in private.
- Or swallow it.
Okay, I get it.
I was being somewhat naive.
Got to understand,
all this is new to me.
Which part? Human nature,
biology, chemistry, psychology?
Let's just sit down.
You are an unexpectedly
cunning opponent, Jay.
Yeah, I thought you'd enjoy it.
You know, I kind of did.
Was he really trying
to get you to eat something?
Yes.
- Okay.
- I'll bring your tea over.
You were trying to get them
to eat licorice, weren't you?
For 30 years, I've listened
to you say women don't like licorice,
it's one of your pet theories.
Favorite film,
"Great Expectations".
- The David Lean version.
- Yes, of course.
The fucking David Lean
version. I know.
I've heard that interjection
15 million times.
Favorite theory,
women don't like licorice.
Yeah, you're right.
I'm boring and predictable.
- We've been here before.
- Can you just leave Jay alone?
What is the problem
with not knowing something?
That's why I hate counseling.
The not knowing.
I thought at the beginning we were
going to put something right.
Straightforward job, a goal.
But it's not like that.
We may have no marriage
at the end of it.
We'll deal with it.
You've spent your whole life
knowing things,
and been wrong about
most of them.
At least, we know what we're going
to talk about this week.
Yes, and I'm looking forward to it.
Cabdi's a big deal.
And I think I should have been
introduced to him a long time ago.
Scott, last weekend you were
thrown out of an intimacy workshop.
I think Cindy might want
to have a look at that.
For God's sakes,
I wasn't thrown out.
I was asked to leave.
This isn't the Wild West.
Nobody picked you up by your
breeches and hurls you out the door.
They say, "maybe this workshop
isn't for you".
"Maybe you should go home."
You were thrown out.
Nobody wanted you there.
They didn't think
they were in a safe space.
We had the places,
now we're on to the spaces.
People were talking about
incredibly private things.
If they were that private, why say
them in a room full of people?
You'd never catch me
doing that.
No. And we all noticed
you wouldn't talk about yourself.
But you had plenty of suggestions
for other people.
So easy to see what other
people are doing wrong.
Did you not think you'd be
expected to open up a little?
I didn't know what a workshop was.
I really didn't know what
an intimacy workshop was.
What did you think
was going to happen?
I thought it'd be something about sex,
I thought I'd be writing things down.
You thought was going
to be just about sex?
When you go into one
of those smart hotels,
and they try to sell you
intimacy kits for like 100 dollars,
it's condoms and lubricants.
Those kits are the least
intimate things in existence.
Every single person
who goes into those hotels
checks out the intimacy kit.
I've never opened the tin.
I just read the stuff in the back.
So to you, intimacy meant
condoms and lube.
When people say they got
intimate with someone... Sex.
Well, sex is a part of intimacy.
I thought it was the whole thing.
I've been married for 30 years
to a man I thought sex and intimacy
were the same thing.
Maybe it's just a confusion
of terminology.
Maybe what you call intimacy,
I might call something else.
What might you call it?
I'd need to know
what it is first.
Of course, there's a physical side,
but there's a mental thing, too,
where you trust someone enough
to tell them everything that's going on,
even though it might be scary
and exposing.
Right. Honesty.
They're different.
I've never really known
what's going on with you.
- There really isn't much in there.
- There used to be a lot of secrets.
Yeah, but not interesting secrets.
Well, I would have
found them interesting.
- Did you talk about them to others?
- No.
But honestly, there was
nothing to say about them,
not to you, not to anyone.
They were just facts,
really boring facts.
I can actually see that.
From your point of view.
Anyway...
Turns out people have
thoughts about everything.
Ideas about things
I thought just sat there.
Friendship, marriage, sex.
You seriously thought sex
and marriage just sat there?
Until every now and again, you'd say,
"let's go and see a marriage counselor".
I thought you were making
an honest attempt to come
to grips with things
I found frustrating.
I just stopped doing them.
Yeah, you kind of did.
It was something deeply
unsatisfying about that.
See, I always thought
that I never had access
to the hidden chambers
of your mind.
No, no hidden chambers.
But you're a smart guy,
you know stuff.
You tell me what politicians
are doing wrong.
But I'm not complicated.
I don't even know what
complicated means.
Particularly not when
it comes to a person.
I mean,
you're complicated, right?
- I'd like to think so.
- You'd like to think so?
It's a good thing?
You know, layers,
unpredictability...
Well, can one be uncomplicated
in a good way?
I mean, I guess.
But your doubt suggests I'm
uncomplicated in the bad way.
Why did you marry me
in the first place?
You were funny and handsome.
I don't know.
- I fell in love with you.
- Even though I was uncomplicated?
I liked it.
I'd been with Mark for four years,
and he was complicated.
Mark's father stole a quarter
of a million dollars
from his employer
and ran away with a guy.
Yeah, that really fucked with Mark's
head that made him complicated.
So sometimes,
complication can mean
interesting personal history
involving deviant behavior.
Being gay isn't deviant
behavior, Scott.
Oh, my God.
You think I don't know that?
Stealing. Mark's father
stole a lot of money.
That's deviant behavior.
Jesus Christ.
What do you think of me?
I'm sorry.
You're right. I'm sorry.
You know, maybe my views are
more complicated than you think.
Or at least, not as straight
forwardly stupid.
Point taken.
If you went to therapy,
what would you talk about?
I have literally no idea.
Parents?
I just kept out
of their way.
But I didn't want
to kill them, mostly.
Not even wanted to fuck them.
And I didn't like them much.
I was a normal son.
I wonder if that's all
I've managed to do.
String together
a whole load of facts...
I always presumed
there were millions like me.
It's time to go.
I'll bring it over.
I'll save you the trouble.
- This is delicious.
- Good.
- Would you like some?
- No.
You don't even want to know
what it is?
No.
- Why not?
- Because it'll be some trick.
A trick? What sort of trick?
Like, it's not that gender
detector gum, is it?
For God's sakes,
there's no such thing.
Okay. I thought you'd be
interested in that kind of shit.
Gender detector gum?
Why would anyone feel
the need to invent that?
Well, it obviously comes in handy
for sports. That's why it was invented.
But apparently, people like
you carry it around now.
People like me?
Who are people like me?
People driven demented
by ambiguity.
So what's the deal?
How does it work?
It reacts with your hormones
and changes colors.
- Pink for a girl, blue for boy?
- Well, It was that.
But people thought it was
too gender stereotypical.
Now, it's green and purple.
And there's someone
trying to make you chew it?
What's going on?
Scott was trying to get me to eat
a gender determining chewing gum.
- Come on.
- I wasn't.
I had never heard
of it until just now.
- Jay's jerking your chain.
- Were you?
- Of course I was.
- Why would you do that?
Because you were trying to get me
to eat something you thought was gonna
tell you something about me.
- What?
- You were putting me on.
How could you believe
any of that?
The pink and the blue,
the green and the purple?
Couple of weeks ago, you were
telling me of the evils of big mustard.
Why wouldn't I believe this?
And how would you know what color
my imaginary chewing gum is anyway?
- Why would I show you?
- You have to spit it out sometime.
- Yeah, in private.
- Or swallow it.
Okay, I get it.
I was being somewhat naive.
Got to understand,
all this is new to me.
Which part? Human nature,
biology, chemistry, psychology?
Let's just sit down.
You are an unexpectedly
cunning opponent, Jay.
Yeah, I thought you'd enjoy it.
You know, I kind of did.
Was he really trying
to get you to eat something?
Yes.
- Okay.
- I'll bring your tea over.
You were trying to get them
to eat licorice, weren't you?
For 30 years, I've listened
to you say women don't like licorice,
it's one of your pet theories.
Favorite film,
"Great Expectations".
- The David Lean version.
- Yes, of course.
The fucking David Lean
version. I know.
I've heard that interjection
15 million times.
Favorite theory,
women don't like licorice.
Yeah, you're right.
I'm boring and predictable.
- We've been here before.
- Can you just leave Jay alone?
What is the problem
with not knowing something?
That's why I hate counseling.
The not knowing.
I thought at the beginning we were
going to put something right.
Straightforward job, a goal.
But it's not like that.
We may have no marriage
at the end of it.
We'll deal with it.
You've spent your whole life
knowing things,
and been wrong about
most of them.
At least, we know what we're going
to talk about this week.
Yes, and I'm looking forward to it.
Cabdi's a big deal.
And I think I should have been
introduced to him a long time ago.
Scott, last weekend you were
thrown out of an intimacy workshop.
I think Cindy might want
to have a look at that.
For God's sakes,
I wasn't thrown out.
I was asked to leave.
This isn't the Wild West.
Nobody picked you up by your
breeches and hurls you out the door.
They say, "maybe this workshop
isn't for you".
"Maybe you should go home."
You were thrown out.
Nobody wanted you there.
They didn't think
they were in a safe space.
We had the places,
now we're on to the spaces.
People were talking about
incredibly private things.
If they were that private, why say
them in a room full of people?
You'd never catch me
doing that.
No. And we all noticed
you wouldn't talk about yourself.
But you had plenty of suggestions
for other people.
So easy to see what other
people are doing wrong.
Did you not think you'd be
expected to open up a little?
I didn't know what a workshop was.
I really didn't know what
an intimacy workshop was.
What did you think
was going to happen?
I thought it'd be something about sex,
I thought I'd be writing things down.
You thought was going
to be just about sex?
When you go into one
of those smart hotels,
and they try to sell you
intimacy kits for like 100 dollars,
it's condoms and lubricants.
Those kits are the least
intimate things in existence.
Every single person
who goes into those hotels
checks out the intimacy kit.
I've never opened the tin.
I just read the stuff in the back.
So to you, intimacy meant
condoms and lube.
When people say they got
intimate with someone... Sex.
Well, sex is a part of intimacy.
I thought it was the whole thing.
I've been married for 30 years
to a man I thought sex and intimacy
were the same thing.
Maybe it's just a confusion
of terminology.
Maybe what you call intimacy,
I might call something else.
What might you call it?
I'd need to know
what it is first.
Of course, there's a physical side,
but there's a mental thing, too,
where you trust someone enough
to tell them everything that's going on,
even though it might be scary
and exposing.
Right. Honesty.
They're different.
I've never really known
what's going on with you.
- There really isn't much in there.
- There used to be a lot of secrets.
Yeah, but not interesting secrets.
Well, I would have
found them interesting.
- Did you talk about them to others?
- No.
But honestly, there was
nothing to say about them,
not to you, not to anyone.
They were just facts,
really boring facts.
I can actually see that.
From your point of view.
Anyway...
Turns out people have
thoughts about everything.
Ideas about things
I thought just sat there.
Friendship, marriage, sex.
You seriously thought sex
and marriage just sat there?
Until every now and again, you'd say,
"let's go and see a marriage counselor".
I thought you were making
an honest attempt to come
to grips with things
I found frustrating.
I just stopped doing them.
Yeah, you kind of did.
It was something deeply
unsatisfying about that.
See, I always thought
that I never had access
to the hidden chambers
of your mind.
No, no hidden chambers.
But you're a smart guy,
you know stuff.
You tell me what politicians
are doing wrong.
But I'm not complicated.
I don't even know what
complicated means.
Particularly not when
it comes to a person.
I mean,
you're complicated, right?
- I'd like to think so.
- You'd like to think so?
It's a good thing?
You know, layers,
unpredictability...
Well, can one be uncomplicated
in a good way?
I mean, I guess.
But your doubt suggests I'm
uncomplicated in the bad way.
Why did you marry me
in the first place?
You were funny and handsome.
I don't know.
- I fell in love with you.
- Even though I was uncomplicated?
I liked it.
I'd been with Mark for four years,
and he was complicated.
Mark's father stole a quarter
of a million dollars
from his employer
and ran away with a guy.
Yeah, that really fucked with Mark's
head that made him complicated.
So sometimes,
complication can mean
interesting personal history
involving deviant behavior.
Being gay isn't deviant
behavior, Scott.
Oh, my God.
You think I don't know that?
Stealing. Mark's father
stole a lot of money.
That's deviant behavior.
Jesus Christ.
What do you think of me?
I'm sorry.
You're right. I'm sorry.
You know, maybe my views are
more complicated than you think.
Or at least, not as straight
forwardly stupid.
Point taken.
If you went to therapy,
what would you talk about?
I have literally no idea.
Parents?
I just kept out
of their way.
But I didn't want
to kill them, mostly.
Not even wanted to fuck them.
And I didn't like them much.
I was a normal son.
I wonder if that's all
I've managed to do.
String together
a whole load of facts...
I always presumed
there were millions like me.
It's time to go.