State of the Union (2019–…): Season 2, Episode 10 - The Last Box - full transcript

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- Jay?
- Yeah.

- Hey!
- Hey!

Anything interesting on there?


I just signed up
for a dating app.

- Really?
- You seem surprised.

I guess I didn't know
how it worked with... Anyway...

Stupid. Sorry.

What are you sorry for,
saying the word "really"?

Ellen, lighten up.

You're allowed to say the word
"really" in a coffee shop.


Scott was on a dating
app yesterday.

And I thought, "Why the hell not,
see what's out there for me."

I tried a few ace websites a while back
and they were all pretty dead.

But that's what
you expect, right?

Come on, it was a joke.

An ace website being dead?

It's okay to laugh.

Everyone on it was ace, but...

Meh, I don't care.

I'm sure it was just a bad site.

- I heard about the big "D".
- What?

- The divorce?
- Change of subject.

Kind of, Scott's dating
app and...


- I think it is the right decision.
- Good. Why?

You know that thing I said
about the ace website being dead?

Scott would have been
all over that like a dog on a rabbit.

He'd pick it up by his neck
and shake it till it broke.

And that's a good thing?

Well, not good or a bad thing.

Just, you know, how he's made.
Actually, it's a good thing.

You think it's a good thing

that a dog kills a rabbit
by shaking it until its neck breaks?

It's okay.

Scott is shaking an idea until
he gets something out of it.

- An idea isn't a rabbit, right?
- Right.

An idea isn't a rabbit. Agreed.

I was taking it too seriously.

You still do.

I think you two are too
different to stay together.

So, before you thought
I should divorce him.

But now you think
he should divorce me?

No, I think you should divorce
each other simultaneously.

Do you think you know enough
about us, how we worked?

I thought you were getting a divorce
because the gap was too wide.

But you're making it sound
as though I caused the gap.

A gap is a gap, no?

Two people in different places.

But doesn't it depend on
who walked away from who?


you know you walked away
from him.

He hasn't moved an inch
since 1975.

Until recently, anyway.

- So I'm the bad guy?
- No, but...

- He's here already?
- Every day.

I didn't notice.

Come on!

I'm just saying you didn't notice.

He's just another guy
sitting in the corner.

Oh, my God, Jay, you know
you've been brainwashed, right?

He's a cult, and you've been
drinking the Kool-Aid.

He's a regular customer,
and we enjoy talking

about politics
and the "Gilmore Girls".

He watches the "Gilmore Girls"?

At my suggestion.
I thought he'd dig it, and he does.

All you have to do is push him a little
and he responds in surprising ways.

Maybe you two
should get married.

I'll bring your tea over.

I hear you're on dating sites.

Not really.

I downloaded an app and joined up
and scrolled through

what was an offer.
I'm not dating.

But you intend to?

Almost certainly.
What's the problem?

There won't be a grieving period?

Of course, from now until
when I started using it.

- Okay. Thank you.
- You're welcome.

I was emboldened by our
conversation about sofa guy.

Then last week you told me about
the younger women I'd meet.

That was said in a spirit
of angry cynicism.

I scraped that away
and focused on the key message,

which is that I should date
other women.

What's going on
with sofa guy, anyway?

He's one specific person
who created a spark of interest.

I'm not the one sitting there with
a box of candy ready to pig out.

I'm looking for one specific person
who might create a spark of interest.

What age range?

- 50 plus.
- You're 62.

I don't want 60 plus.
it's the last box.

I am not ready to date
an 80-year-old.

- That's the last box?
- Yeah. Look.

20 to 30, 30 to 40,
40 to 50, 50 to 60,

- 60 plus.
- Christ!

We're the last box.

Well, second to last, one after
that is made out of mahogany.

You'll be buried
in bamboo or cardboard.

That's the best incentive to remarry
I've come across yet.

I want a wife who believes
in wooden coffins.

I mean, that's not setting
the bar too high, right?

- Isn't bamboo a wood?
- No, it's a plant.

If it were a wood, you people
wouldn't be buried in it.

Why does it matter to you
if you're dead?

Why does it matter to you
when I'm not?

It'll be up to the next person who
I now realize I have to find quickly

in case I drop dead in the next week
and you'd bury me in an old IKEA box.

The 60 plus box makes me suspect
this website is not for mature people.

They can't tell the difference between
Madonna and Madeleine Albright.

We're not their
highest priorities.

We should be.

We have a lot of money to spend.
Kids gone, mortgages paid off.

This site is fine for now.

I've got plenty of lovely 55-year-old
divorcees who...

Yeah, I've got plenty to choose from

and not just Paula.
We got Holly and Tracy.

I got plenty.

I am not entering into a box war
with the dating site.

I'm not an activist like you.

This is weird.


You wanna keep going
after today?

I don't know.

It all seems amicable enough.

Do you wanna talk about
who gets what property?

I wouldn't ask you
to move out of the house.

So you get
the New York apartment?

Sure, but I should be
honest with you

and tell you I'll sell it and give
the money to the Quakers.

I want to live simply.

Then where will you live?

On the Friends community.

I've been in and out of there
for a while.

Maybe I'd stay there,
maybe one somewhere else.

Another state.

Maybe we need to keep
talking to Cindy

if you want to give away
seven figure sums to sofa guy

and his lunatic friends.

I guess,
but it would be my money.

That would be
the divorce settlement.

I can do what I want with it.

You'd do that, move to Idaho
and sit in a room

and think with a bunch
of strangers?

It's called
the Society of Friends.

And they mean it.

Wow, you actually would.

Won't you keep in touch
with anyone?

Of course.

You, the kids,

Sarah, Cabdi,

a few other people.

But this town
was never really me.

Not ever. It was great
for the kids and for you.

What if you decided to stop
quaking and start living it up?

I won't be asking you for condo money,
if that's what you mean.

But what about Cabdi?

Doesn't he need money?

If I move away,
would you look after Cabdi?

Jesus Christ.

Some guys take on a kid
who isn't theirs,

when they get together
with someone, not me.

I take on a kid when she goes.

Is that a no?

Do I have to get arrested
at protests too?

No. I can do that without you.

What happened
to FaceTime TV watching?

It's FaceTime.
We can do it anywhere.

Would help if we were
in the same time zone.

I'm happy to watch in the afternoon
if I move way out west.

Do they even have
TVs in these places?

I think the idea in the end is that
you find someone else to watch TV with.

You don't care?



It'll sting.

And I'll miss you.

I want you to find
somebody nice,

because this is all my doing.

I want you to be happy.

The gap closed up a little.
Didn't it?

Yes, in a weird way, it did.

With the talking,
your relationship with Jay.

I understand you better.

What about if it kept closing?

Do you think it can?

Not really.

I'm tethered up in the yard
and I can't move that far.

Your rope is longer
than you think.

I'm good where I am.

I think you belong to
a tribe of crazy people.

And you're fighting
the good fight, I know that.

The other side will kill us all.

- Who knows what I'm doing?
- Fighting the good fight.

You said.

I wonder what that means
and why me?

You really wouldn't
want it to be me.

I'd be like Beauregard
at Shiloh.

Scott, I'm done
with the Civil War.

- I know all I want to know.
- Okay. I got it.

Can I say something using
another hobby or interest?

If it's not a sport or fishing.

Did you know that Miles Davis

recorded four albums I love
in two days in 1956.

This is going to spell it
all out for me, I can tell.

He owed them
to the Prestige label.

Got them out of the way quick.

Coltrane on tenor,
Red Garland on piano,

Paul Chambers on bass,
Philly Joe Jones on drums.

They're magnificent.

- I'm glad.
- That's where I want to be...

With those guys.

But they're all dead.

I don't need them to be alive.

I just need to be somewhere
that people as talented as that

can produce something
as great as that.

But don't you worry that the world
is moving on without you?

No. No, not at all.

It's cool, the world moving on.

I'm in the University of Mouthfeel.

It is still the worst name
for a coffee shop ever.

But unless we get out there
and do something,

everything vanishes.

Miles Davis,
Red Garland, right?

We would love for music like that
to be produced

every single minute
of every single day.

But you need
our help for that.

I can see that.


You smell the coffee
and listen to jazz.

And I'll get arrested.

It's a deal.

What do you want to use
the time for today?

I want to make sure I find
a way to keep you in my life.

Let's go.

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