State of Play (2013): Season 2, Episode 4 - First Ladies - full transcript

This edition examines the challenges of a modern marriage through a sports lens as it focuses on three sports couples whose vows shape their decisions on and off the field.

''The following is a presentation
of HBO Sports.''

''That's the great thing about sports
you don't play to just play it''

''you play to win.''

''When you start telling me
it doesn't matter''

''then retire, get out''

''because it matters.''

''I have betrayed your trust.''

''Sports has become a religion.''

''You attend a sermon that is being
presented to you on the field''

''and you can drink
in the madness of going ballistic.''

Welcome to State of Play
I'm Peter Berg.

In sports you hear words like sacrifice
and commitment thrown around a lot.

The length the competitors
will go to, to achieve victory.

But there's also
another group of individuals

who do things that never show up
in any box scare, or stat sheet

and who don't even
walk onto the playing field.

The families of the competitors.

Over the next 40 minutes
you're going to watch a documentary

that offers an up close look
at the lives of three sports wives

the wife of an NFL coach
the wife of a high school football coach

and the wife of a NASCAR driver.

And afterwards
we'll have a conversation

in studio with the women in the film.

These are stories
about sacrifice and commitment

but also a search
for balance and identity.

Lets go, guys. Lets go, guys.

''Only 42 years old is Mile Tomlin's
new coach from Virginia native.''

''73 wins.''

''That is getting done.''

''And we are underway in Pittsburgh.''

Go, go, go.

''After Mike and I got married
we got in a U-Haul''

''immediately from the wedding
and towed my car''

''and we drove out
to Memphis, Tennessee''

''where we moved into
married student housing.''

Come on, Tampa fans.

Come in, come in.


''I wasn't aware that it wasn't really
in a great section of town''

''but we were young and in love.''

''Steelers 24, Tampa Bay 20.''

Three minutes.

''For most of this game
Mile Tomlin's team''

''has dominated the game statistically.''

''But as we said many times before''

''there's only one stat that matters.''

''When he was a graduate assistant''

''our goal was to make sure
our checking account''

''never went below 500 dollars
just in case there was an emergency.''

''And so we always laugh now
like what kind of emergency...''

''were we going to be able
to solve with 500 dollars?''

''Like a flat tire is about
all that we could have handled.''

''But we thought as long as we
have 500 dollars in the bank''

- ''we were safe.''
- ''Did he get it?''

''Touchdown Vincent Jackson.''

''With seven seconds to go.''

''This is without question''

''it's the biggest upset in the NFL
so far this year.''

Hi, buddy. Hi. Good morning.

You okay?

You want to hold hands? No?

- Good morning.
- Good morning.

How are you all? Awake? Hey.

- Hasn't come up for air yet.
- I know as soon as I got in the shower.


Well, he's happy now.
What times are you coming home?

Fourish probably. Long day. Long day.

He's smiling and eating.

''The job I had prior to
becoming a stay at home mom''

''was for an energy company.''

''It felt like such an important job''

''but once I became a mom it just
seemed way less important to me.''

What are you saying?

''I think Scott was stressed about it''

''being like all this weight
is on his shoulders now''

''because he's the only breadwinner.''

''Scott Lehnholf
comes from football pedigree''

''and his chance has arrived.''

''The new head coach at Steele.''

You come from a family of football
you got football in the blood, right?

Yeah, I do. My grandpa was a coach
long time coach in South Texas

my father was a coach
for about 18, 40 years.

''The Knights have set
the standard in recent reasons''

''so everybody is going to expect success.''

A short week now it's going
to be a little bit later that normal

but we only have two films to put in
so that shouldn't take long. All right?

You think you'll be home at four
or leaving at four?

I don't know. Either or. All right.

- Thanks. Love you. Bye.
- Bye.

''I definitely think he feels
extra pressure''

''because they fire coaches
if you don't win around here''

''so extra pressure.''

Move it lady. Move it lady.

Just review it
and we can talk about it later.

- Interesting.
- Yeah, so there's going to be...

- some opportunities out there.
- I'll talk about it.

This, but this won't work.

- That number?
- Let me see.

Won't work. Just, we'll do it later.
Don't worry about it.

You're going to give me a leg cramp.
Let me put my leg down.

Do I look like an ottoman?

Do you really want me
to answer that?

''I think in early days
especially when there was just myself''

''and one other person
sort of managing Kevin''

''people didn't necessarily
want to hear his wife say no.''

''I got, you know, she's a bitch
she's a hard ass, whatever.''

''I don't care.''

''My number one priority
was to take care of him.''

''He's got the weight of the world''

''in terms of what the pressure
he's put on himself''

''to go out and compete
for this championships.''

''Kevin Harvick
from the pole to victory lane''

''win number 25 for Kevin Harvick.''

''A lot of people are really
catching Harvick''

''as the best guy in the sport right now.''

''This is Harvick's 11 year
with a Sprint Cup Victory''

''including the last five in a row.''

''Welcome back to Sports Centre.
Win and you're in''

''that's the motto all year in NASCAR''

and it continues this week
in the playoffs Chicago

this weekend kicking off
the new look chase

with 16 drivers contending for the title.

We are alongside the number
four Budweiser Chevrolet

you've had three third place
finishes in the last four years

so you really been close Kevin

''what would it mean for you
to finally get there?''

''Well, that's what we're all here for
is to try to win the championship''

''and you dream about that
as a young racer''

''in wanting to win
the Sprint Cup Championship.''

''Have you ever been
in a better frame of mind''

''going into a championship
than you are today?''

''Myself personally no just
because I know our cars are fast''

''and I've seen the potential
to know that we can win''

''at any racetrack at any given time.''

''You know, whether it
all comes together this year or not''

''I don't know but I feel like it could.''

''Kevin and I are together
pretty much every day.''

''In our first office our desks
were right beside each other.''

''Shutting off work really didn't happen.''

''We put everything we had into it.''

''I mean I was very focused
on my career''

''but the closer I got to 40''

''I just started to feel
like something was missing.''

Kelon, what are you doing today dude?

What are you doing?

- ''Hold you.''
- Hold you?

''You want daddy to hold you?''

- Hi, baby.
- ''Hi.''

- ''Hold me.''
- I want to hold you so bad, buddy.

I mess you.

Hey, do you know what we're doing?

Do you want to see whose driving?

Kelon, look, look who's driving us.

- Uncle Poodle.
- Don't distract him.

- Kelon, can I have a kiss?
- ''Give her a kiss.''

- ''Okay.''
- We love you.

He's busy.

- Love you.
- ''I love you.''

Love you too bud.

''I go back to my biggest, biggest
biggest pet peeve and it's the penalties.''

''You can't have that. I mean...''

''that's an undisciplined
I'm sorry. That is...''

''And Tomlin said it
and he was getting crushed.''

''One thing I couldn't understand
he was getting crushed for...''

''for saying they were
an undisciplined team''

''but he then said
he takes responsibility for it.''

''How's he going to do that?''

''I don't buy into the madness at all
to be honest with you.''

''I resist it for sanity sake.''

''And I don't want my profession
to dominate our lives.''

''We spend very little time
talking about it, and always have.''

''She's never cared.
You know, she's artsy.''

''We're very different in that way
but it probably works for us.''

Excuse me. Morning.

''I'm somewhat of a caveman, you know.''

''She cleans me up.''

The inspiration is steal
but at the same time fluidity

so like a contrast.

We haven't used this
on any one of the other looks yet

- so that's..
- Do you want to keep it separate?

Yeah. I want her to look like
she relates but she's the talent.

So, as opposed to the models
so she can stand out a little bit.

Kind of like a sexy little loose tank

and then have it go
into the skirt out like this.

- This will be the skirt.
- I like that.

All right, well let's take
some measurements.

''I just started working again once
my daughter went to kindergarten''

''and I am very happy to be working.''

''The routine of laundry, grocery
shopping, cooking, cleaning''

''laundry, grocery, shopping
cooking, cleaning, gets old.''

All right, come back 10:30.

''When I was little I asked my mom
for sewing machine for Christmas''

''so that I can make my own clothes.''

By the time I graduated high school

I was making all my friends prom dresses
when I should've been studying.

So I guess that just shows that
that's really my heart was.

''When we get to Pittsburgh
I started to ease back into it''

''and just ready
to take it to the next level''

''and move out of the house
and really kind of start getting going.''

Let's go Aiden, let's go.

Let's go, let's go, let's go.
What's up man?

Let's roll, let's roll, let's roll.

Every day man one of the last guys.

Get it fixed. Get it fixed.

- Good.
- Good, good, good, good.

All right, here we go Manford
let's go, run it.

Boom, left, right
go him, got him, got him.

Yeah, those are for puppy dogs.

All right United South
I don't know what to expect

hadn't seen them a whole lot
got one game film on them, all right

hadn't ever watched them play
never played them before

don't know what to expect.
Let's worry about the Steele Knights

and worry about things
we can control, understood?

- Yes, sir.
- Here we go.

Stay on three, one, two, three.

Hey, ro-ro, you're crying, buddy. Here.

I try to talk to him
about football sometimes

but I think he thinks

because I don't know very much
as far as the game itself

and like rules and regulations
that he feels like...

he can't talk to me about that stuff.
I don't know. He just doesn't.

But I also think he likes
to leave work at work sometimes.

Like if we go to a funeral
I'm not kidding you

like I remember at his
grandmother's funeral last year

anywhere you go people talk to Scott
Lehnhoff about football, the end.

Hey, how are you?

Good to see you
here's the little guy.

Oh my goodness, look at him.

Yeah, they made some turnovers
kind of adjusting that offense.

- Oh, they're getting used to it.
- Yeah, so. But we played well.

- All right, we'll see you Friday.
- Bye, yeah, see you Friday.

- Enjoy your dinner.
- Yeah, I know. I know, I know.

How was work today?

Good. We didn't
practice very well, but...


Why didn't you all practice well?

Scout team was most of the issue.
We had trouble lining them up

it's a different defence then
we've really worked a whole lot against.

Our kids don't know
how to line up in it

so we're trying to get
the scout team lined up

and then our kids
are confused offensively, and...

At the risk of sounding like an idiot
what's a scout team?

Sorry, I don't know.

Basically the JV kids.
So, they run our opponents defence...


Not it. Oh, God.

Oh, God.

- Hi, sorry. Hi.
- Scott needs to do that.

I know.

What is it? What is it?

- Rabbit.
- Yeah, it is a rabbit.

You made a rabbit.

How are you all?

Thank you. It was a good start
good start, thank you.

Who was that?

They were like
Scott needs to go do that.

That's what they told me
when I walked by.

I'd be in there for 15 or 20 minutes
trying to get that all figured out.

We'll Facetime later tonight you want...

- if you want to get to the track.
- We should be, yeah, it'll be 7:30.

- 8:30 my time.
- 8:30 your time

- so yeah, it'll be perfect. All right.
- Okay.

- Love you.
- Love you.

Thank you.

It was nice to sleep in a little bit

but now all the stuff starts
so it's down to business for ten weeks.

Welcome to Chicago
you ready for the next ten weeks?

I'm ready. Yeah, you know, it's...

we've been fortunate to be in a position
where we won early in the year

and really working to this point
of coming to Chicago

and trying to have
good plan worth race cars

and all the things that go with
trying to have a solid ten weeks.

Hey, baby.

- Dad.
- ''Hey, dude. How you doing?''

''Are you going
to watch practice on TV?''

- Say ''yes, sir.''
- ''I'm getting ready ro go vroom, vroom.''

- Tell him say go fast dad.
- Go fast daddy.

- Give him a hug.
- ''Okay, I'm going to go fast.''

Give him a hug.

''Where are you taking me to?''

''You better be careful.
You better be careful.''

Wait a minute.
Come here, you'll make daddy sick.

''Don't let them get you Ke, run, run.''

- No, don't listen, nice.
- ''Run Kelon, run.''

Oh, I got you.

- Activates this weekend?
- Just Harley.

- Gymnastics tomorrow morning?
- Yeah, that's it.

I got the box
to the basketball game on Sunday.

Oh, okay, yeah
nobody has any activates.

You got everything you need
for this trade show?

Yeah, it's been nice
to be so ahead of schedule.

How much stuff do you guys
actually have to lug?

I mean you got
a logistical plan for toting stuff?

We just lead it in a trunk
we have one trunk

and then we have
a garment bag for the samples.

How you guys moving
the trunk around? Like on a dolly?

It has wheels, but I have a dolly too.

Did you all have any questions
about the menu?

- Yeah.
- Want to start off with a drink?

On the menu, what's the hot item?

Well, one of my favourites is going to be
a slow cooked braised rabbit

and we actually pull it
kind of pulled, so it's not...

She's always asking questions like that.

Is the lamb tender?

Like they're going to be
no lamb is terrible man

- you got to chew on it for an hour.
- Yeah.

- Is the lamb tender?
- It's like a hockey puck.

- No. I also like the pork dish.
- Oh, geez. It's the kids. Thank you.

Yes, hey hold on, I'm getting
ready to place my order, hold on.

She wants to ask you
about the cod, is it tasty?

It's one of my favourite dishes.

I want to know is it moist
like not dry fish?

It's a big piece of cod
and a big piece of bacon

- so, it's really well balanced, but...
- It's cheesy.

Yeah, so I'll go with the cod.

And then also I'll take the corn soup.

''I think what people don't realize''

''is when you're married to people
like me, that I do nothing.''

''I go to work and I come home
and I'm along for the ride.''

''I couldn't tell you
what the phone bill looks like.''

''I don't know what the mortgage is.''

''It doesn't surprise me that she's capable
of handling her own business''

''she been handling
our business since 96.''

All right. They needed
the credit card information

because they're ordering food.

Where they ordering food from
because most of the time he's already...

I know, he just ordered
the other day. I don't know.

He's already got it online.

He'll get a fresh
new pair of Nike's on you.

- You better watch out.
- I know.

- If I was a nine to fiver...
- Please no.

Yeah. There's a cycle in the off season
that I kind of go through annually.

At the very beginning
I'm tired, and I sleep a lot

and then you know
I'm high energy and I'm excited

and I'm playing daddy catch up.

Then I start thinking about ways

that we could
run the house more efficiently

and that's when she ready for me
to go to work.

- I got to go with the chocolate.
- That's why I was laughing.

- What am I getting?
- You're getting coffee black.


I think they're
going to stay in the 50 look

like open set
they're going to treat it like a...

- Yeah, just like last week did.
- Yeah, probably get the walk off.

Didn't we talk about running
some stretch G at the gun split?

I think we, right here.

Oh, okay. I got to split this one, okay.

Fake the cut, and come back.

Where he turns around
did a screen to...

- Bring it back the other way.
- I'm fine with that.

I think we're probably
better off going Gun R

weak left and just letting that fullback

letting him hide
bring it, fake it and then come back.

I think you'll get the same thing off of it.

And I think it'll be easier
we'll hide him a little bit better.

This is actually baby Rex's book
from Carter and Camille.

- A is for?
- Ants.

Ant. Here you don't need that.

- What is B for?
- Butterflies.

Butterfly. What's...

Oh you're so close.

- C is for crocodile. Bless you.
- Crocodile.


''I miss having Scott around
in football season.''

''On Saturday morning he like gets up
and goes straight back out.''

''You know, I feel like you just got home
at midnight, the night before''

''and there he is rolling out at six
or seven the next morning''

''and same with Sunday.''

Can you hold it? Big boy.

You're so grown up
holding your bottle.

I don't see the time
commitment ever getting less.

If anything it'll probably just get more,
so we'll just miss more and more of him.

My dad raced in what
is now the Nationwide Series.

I loved everything about racing,
I wanted to learn about the cars,

I wanted to learn
how to work on them.

I would spot for my dad sometimes.

Here they come.

Our deal was if I graduated college
he would get me a car,

but people start racing when they're,
no kidding, four or five years old.

So I mean
I had way missed my window.

It just wasn't in the cards
for me to be a race car driver.

"And Kevin Harvick is going to score
his third Nationwide Series win..."

"at Chicago Land Speedway."

Yay, daddy!

- Holy cow!
- Whoo! Daddy won!

He doesn't know.
Say woo-woo daddy!

Look at all this smoke.

Yay! Huh? Yeah,
that's a good thing.

That's okay.

Yay! Yay!

- Daddy won.
- Daddy won. You're right. Yes.

- Momma.
- Hey, congrats. Thank you.

Go give him a hug.

I want nothing more than Kelon...

to be anything but a race car driver.

I don't want him behind the wheel,
I don't want him...

anywhere interested in racing.

There is a part of me that knows
that when Kevin gets in the car...

he may not come back.
I don't dwell on that part, but I know that.

"Race fans, there's your winner,
the Jimmy Johns..."

"freaky fast 300 here
in the Chicago Land Speedway."

Hope it comes through tomorrow.
Tomorrow's what really counts.

Number one.


No, I'm not sleepy,
I'm not asleep at the wheel.

45 minutes. 45 minutes.

Yeah. Yeah, just cruising along.
It's been raining the whole way.

Okay, talk to you later.
All right, bye.

We got married right after college,

and in college we had classes,
we had our own sports.

Days would go by
where we didn't, you know,

see each other
cause we were doing other things.

So I guess I never even realized,
you know, that that was odd...

once he started working
the really long hours.

I just kept busy, but it's not anything
I wasn't used to growing up.

From the time
I got my working papers at 14,

I would work 3 jobs
and go to gymnastics

Oh, thank you.
It's something I'm just used to doing,

you know, just staying busy.

- This is cute.
- Thank you.

What was the inspiration for this line?

My own lifestyle actually.

I have three little kids, and you know,
working, and running around,

and trying to get everything
done at the same time I just...

I would go to say like a board meeting,
or a fitting, an appointment,

and I'd have on my nice dry cleanables.

Then I'd come home and I'd rip that off
and put on my bummy sweats,

but then I'd have to leave
the house again, so I'd change back,

you know, out of that. And so
initially I had just one of these...

for myself, and
I got stopped so many times...

people asking me where'd you get
your dress, where'd you get your dress.

And it wasn't even like I finished
the sleeves or the hem, it just cut off.

- I mean people loved it.
- As the business editor...

our readers always
want to know how do you balance,

as a mom, as a wife,
as an entrepreneur.

Yeah, I think technology
has really helped a lot in that, I...

I drop my kids off for school...
to school at nine in the morning,

and then I work from 9 to 3:30,
leave there, go pick them up,

but when I'm at their activities,
I can be on my laptop answering my emails,

doing my spreadsheet, you know,
really can turn into a full day's work.

- So that's kind of how I balance it.
- Cool.

Really started my business
just to kind of keep my own identity,

separate from my husband, and I
wanted to be an example for my kids.

How has your husband
been in terms of support?

He's very supportive.
One of my goals is that in, you know,

10, 20, 30 years
when he's ready to retire...

I can say go ahead, I got it, baby.

It reminds me of Norma Kamale.

Thank you. I'll take it.

Yeah. I... I know the name though.
I'm familiar with the designs.

She first started doing sweats,
I don't know how long ago, probably...

Fashionable sweats? Yeah.

Hi, I'm Kiya, nice to meet you.

Nice to meet you.
My name's Gaye. This is adorable.

- Thank you. Thank you.
- Yeah,

that's something
that's very comfortable, very nice.

That's why I designed them.
I'm not into the leggings.


My life before was just
a complete absence of football,

and now it's just football,
football, football, football, football.

To go from basically nothing
as far as the football spectrum goes,

to like Texas
high school coach's wife...

is totally like a completely huge shift.

And so it was just, I guess,
me taking a lot of time to adjust.

It was like culture shock really.

Don't get all caught up in the hoopla.
That's great, that's an extra,

but we're about 7:30
Friday nights, all right.

We're about playing
in between the whistles.

All right, so don't ever
forget that about it, understood?

- Yes, sir.
- Yes, sir.

Cammie high five!

There it is. Come on.

Good job, Malik. Good job, Malik.

Let's go, be smart.

What's daddy going to call?

Go, go, go, go, go, get it.

High five. Touchdown.

I think it takes a lot
of patience to be a coach's wife.

I think it takes a lot of understanding.

One of the things that's definitely
changed the last 20, 25 years is...

you know, I look at our staff, and
I look at the wives of our staff members,

they're all educated women,
they all have great jobs on their own,

a lot of them make more money
than a lot of my guys do.

How can you make the salary that
we make, and work the hours we work,

and as a wife sometimes that could
probably be pretty tough to understand?

Welcome back
to the Jordon Ford post game show,

this is Jay Reilly here
with winning Coach Scott Lehnhoff.

Coach, what can you say to such
a dominating performance?

You know, they're talented,
some of them are two, three year starters,

and they're just...
they're just awesome individuals,

and you know, that's what
I'm most proud of them for.

- Dad.
- Hi, baby.

- You got some cheerleaders here with you,
- Hey, Carter,

let's go see Scott, come on.

Hi, sorry you got attacked
by the little people...

- Yeah.
- Sorry they got, they slipped away.

- Hey big guy.
- He's still awake, no naps.

- No naps? No naps?
- It's like what 10:00? Good game.

Well, I didn't even catch...
oh, we got to take a picture of that.

- Want to go see the Steele Knights?
- Yeah.

Go tell them good game.

Say good game,
Steele Knights, good game.

Dada? Dada! Where are you?

Well, he's in the bus.

- He's kind of getting mentally prepared.
- Daddy, where are you?

Can you say
mentally prepared? Right.

- Good luck today.
- Thank you very much. I appreciate it.

- I need good luck.
- I got you.

- Where are you parked?
- I don't know. I got you. Good luck today.

- Wawa.
- Wawa? You're demanding today, dude.


Start your engines. Okay.

Oh, he gave you thumps up too.
Thumps up.

- Okay, here they go, buddy.
- Outside?

Yeah, he's racing on the outside,
that's right.

Come on.

"Wow! Look out, Harvick
a little wiggle off the corner,"

- "of course was able to stay off the..."
- Oh, my gosh, Ke.

He's a little loose.
You know what loose means?

You do? Like if this were daddy's race car
loose means the back wants to go...

It doesn't feel very good.
It's pretty unstable. I wouldn't like it.

"The last half, we're good, Rodney?"

Yeah, they were good.
I'm not sure why I talk to him.

I talk to him on the radio,
I talk to him on the TV, but I do.

I'm used to being involved,
and I can't do that here, so...

I'm not going to lie,
I feel like I'm going to shit myself,

but I try to remain calm,
and just try not to think about it...

because there's nothing I can do.

"Harvick's just, once he made
his way to the front, it's been a..."

"He's able to take this car from
the bottom, to the middle, to the top."

"It just looks like it's kind of a driver's
dream right now, Jamie."

"Wash it out, here comes
Harvick to Larson's inside."

"And here comes Koslwoski to make
it a three way race for the lead."

"Split the middle.
That's the only spot open."

- "Three, one middle."
- "Wow, what a pass."

"Okay, that's risky racing
for guys that have a lot to lose."

"Kevin Harvick and Koslwoski are still..."

"Koslwoski's gone."

"Brad Koslwoski wins in Chicago Land."

Yeah, they're pretty
happy they won, huh?

- "Thanks guys."
- "Kevin Harvick led laps,"

- He did.
- and thought for a while maybe he was...

going to be the guy
in Victory Lane doing the celebrating.

"I'm proud of all my guy
son my Jimmy Johns Chevrolet..."

"for the job that they did,
and solid start to the chase."

"Fifth place for Kevin Harvick. Jamie."

It was a good start, buddy.
You want your daddy?

Guess what? Your daddy's
going to come in just a minute.

- Hey, buddy.
- My daddy.

He was yelling Kevin, Kevin.

- Kevin.
- How are you doing?

- I'm proud of you.
- Should we go home?

I tell Kevin this all the time,
this is probably the happiest...

I've ever been in my life.

That's really cool that daddy's going
to let you take his hats home.

You know what? It's funny
because I never wanted to get married,

never wanted to have a family.
That wasn't in my frame...

of stuff I needed to do,
and it happened.

- Who's that?
- Camille.

I mean, I've always thought
about like what if he were go into college,

or to another level of coaching,
he will be sacrificing his family...

and time with his kids,
but I'll support him either way,

whatever he wants to do.

You know, we'll cross
that bridge if we get to it.

What is that? What is that?

A turkey? What does a turkey say?

- We never taught her that.
- Gobble, gobble, gobble.

- Can you gobble like a turkey?
- Gobble, gobble.

- Gobble, gobble.
- Gobble, gobble.

My goal with my business,

I don't know I just want to establish
myself as a designer.

I don't want to be
thought of as Mike Tomlin's wife.

Oh, did you know she does a little line?

I want to be thought of as,
oh, I love Uptown Sweats.

Oh, did you know
she happens to be married too?

I don't know
I just want to feel like I earned it.

- Ladies, welcome.
- Thank you.

- How are you guys doing?
- Good.

All right, so I'd like
to thank you for joining us.

I am here with Kiya Tomlin,
Megan Lehnhoff, and DeLana Harvick,

again, ladies
thank you so much for coming,

- you ready to talk about this a little bit?
- Absolutely.

So, I have a phrase that someone
once accused me of having,

which is acquired helplessness where,
you know, I get to direct movies,

and when you direct movies sometimes
people compare it to a football coach...

because you don't
really have to do anything.

You know, there's a rental cars
taken care of, there's a hotel room,

making a plane ticket,
God forbid maybe I could make one,

but if I had to change one
that would be horrifying, right?

So we don't really ever have
to learn how to do anything.

Have you experienced what
I will call acquired helplessness...

with your... with your husbands?
And how do you handle that,

- and what does that look like?
- Absolutely.

Absolutely. With everything.

I made a flight reservation
from my cell phone one time,

and he was like,
aren't you going to make the flight?

I said I just did it.
And he's like what?

So here's this guy that can run one
of the greatest football teams in the NFL,

but he can't make a plane reservation
on his phone, which I can relate to.

We had to replace a television
in one of the rooms, and...

- Gives me a panic attack.
- And, uh...

And I was going out
to the store to get one,

and he said don't get
one of those big boxed sets...

when you go to Circuit City.
I said...

- they don't even make those anymore.
- One of the big TVs.

He didn't know that
everything was flat screen.

And that Circuit City
is no longer in business.

- Other than that he was on it.
- Yeah.

Do you ever experience that
with your husband?

On the flip side for me because
Kevin is, I guess, the athlete,

you know, there's so many people
that, you know, they don't tell him no,

and he's great, and he's this, so I
affectionately call myself the dream killer.

Like I plan to crush any sort
of happiness and dreams that he has.

You know, when he walks through
that door, he's not the race car driver,

you are a dad, you're my husband,
and sometimes he walks in with...

you know, a little bit of that swagger,
and I immediately...

- Take care of that.
- Take care of that quickly.

So he is pretty helpless because I think
from the beginning whether, you know,

they're in that position, or I mean
he's been racing since he was five,

so people have always sort of catered
to him, and I never did that.

And maybe that's what
made our relationship successful.

- Dream killer.
- I have a shirt dream killer.

That's really good. And you guys
were living outside of Charlotte?

- Yes.
- A beautiful home and a lot of land,

- and I would imagine long roads.
- Yes.

If it's a date night, and you guys
are going out to dinner, who's driving?

- You're driving. Okay.
- He drives like a grandpa on the roads,

- so I don't ride with him.
- And so have you ever been like driving,

you know, someone cuts you off,
do you get road rage...

- and want to blow someone off the road?
- I get road rage. And it's very good...

that I'm not on a racetrack because
there is no calculating part in me,

I would just wreck someone.
So it's good that I don't do that.

How do you guys,
just internally think about, if at all,

what happens if it comes to an end?

Have you had times where you were
concerned where he came home...

- and said honey, I don't know?
- In, um...

when he was coaching
for the Tampa Bay Buccaneers...

and we had been in the league one year,
and Coach Tony Dungee was fired,

that same exact day, I was in
the hospital delivering our second child,

and so he left that
press conference of the firing,

and sat in a COBRA meeting
to see if we were going to be insured...

when we had the baby.

And what about you down there
in Texas where things really get crazy?

Have you experienced,
you know, the darker side?

Has anyone ever
cursed your husband out?

The hardest part for me is when
they lose, and dealing with my husband.

When they lost their first game
of the season last year,

which was his very first game
as a head coach, he was devastated.

- It was awful. Awful.
- Yeah.

- And what can you do in that situation?
- Nothing. Nothing.

There was so much hype about it,

the local media was all over it,

it was his first game as
a head coach in Lehnhoff Stadium,

named after his parents,
which was the stadium he played at...

as a quarterback in high school.

And then when they lost it, it was just...

I don't know,
it just came crashing down.

I think he even told me
I needed to dust off my resume,

and start looking for a job.
I'm like calm down, it was one game.

Very few men or women
get to experience the highs...

that your husbands get
to experience, is that hard...

to know that your husband
has this thing...

that he's touching that you can't touch?

Do you ever get jealous and say,
you know what, I want some of that?

What is your relationship like
with your husband's passion?

I actually feel like I'm a part of it
because I feel like I enable him...

to be able to live that way,
and to experience that,

so I guess in a way that's my return.

So you feel connected to it,
you don't feel like it's something...

that exists independently of your marriage,

- and your friendship relationship?
- I see it as that's what he does,

and this is what I do,
and then when we come together...

and we just enjoy each other
and the differences that we have.

You take joy in little things.

It doesn't have to be living
this giant adrenaline lifestyle all the time.

- It doesn't? Are you sure? Really?
- No, it doesn't.

I just try to find happiness
in little things too, so.

- That's great.
- Yeah.

Now you have a husband
that I was saying earlier I think is like...

he's a badass. Certainly the coolest
coach maybe ever in the NFL.

Just style, and swagger, and attitude,

and like I kind of have
a man crush on your husband,

and I don't think I'm alone.

What are your thoughts on just handling
the pressure of his ups and downs,

and the wins and the losses?

Well, Mike makes it really easy for me
because he doesn't bring it home.

- That's why he's so cool.
- Yeah. Deal with it.

- Really? How can he not bring it home?
- Yeah, he doesn't bring it home.

He leaves his cell phone in the car,

we don't watch sports TV shows,
we don't read newspaper columns...

Can he mentor my husband?

He just leaves it home,
and we're onto the next thing.

- Has he always been that way?
- Yeah, like when he was feeling...

like he needed to prove himself he...
was he always been like that?

Yeah, he's always been like that. The most
I think when we were starting out...

the most he would do is
he would just go in a room by himself...

and play videogames for a little bit,
and then he'd come out and be normal.

Something that we are talking
about is kind of the role of sports...

and those affiliated with sports,
what do you feel your responsibilities are...

in terms of being role models,
and having opinions?

How do you go about trying to conduct
yourself based on your feelings?

It's a balance for sure
because, you know,

I'm very much
into staying true to who I am.

And sometimes that may rub
some people the wrong way,

but at the same token I'm learning how
to lead by example and be a mother.

That's new to me.
I've never had that before.

So, whether or not you believe
you're a role model,

or people know who you are it's...
They do.

I mean they watch what you do,
they watch you with your fashion,

they watch you when you...
when you go into the stadium.

- That's just the nature of...
- They watch you when you're at a race.

They do.
And I'm not afraid of my opinions,

I'm not afraid to stand behind what
I believe, and I'll tell you the truth.

So do I feel like I need
to go out and broadcast it?

No. But if you ask me my opinion
I'm going to tell you.

I personally think that
if my husband worked for some bank,

- they wouldn't care what I thought.
- Right.

I do aspire to conduct myself
as a role model, as I, you know,

whether people
are watching or not watching,

whether he worked for a bank,
or worked for the NFL,

I don't think that it changes anything
because he works for the NFL.

A young woman comes up to you
and she tells you...

she's fallen in love with this guy
who's about to get the head football job...

at the Houston Texans.

I'd say it's an awesome experience,
but don't lose yourself in it.

How do I do that?
How do I maintain myself?

Keep your own interests,
keep you own love of things,

don't get so focused
and caught up in what he's doing...

cause it is easy to do that
because everybody's caught up in it.

It's, you know, the fans are watching,
it's on TV, it's really cool.

Just make sure that you have something
that's you're equally is enthused about,

and allow him to be him,
and you to be you.

So you, some girl comes up
and says what's it going to be like?

I feel like it's such a negative answer.

- Why? What's it going to be? Be honest.
- You're not going to see him very much,

so just be prepared for that, and...

be prepared for the emotions...

to run high very, very high,
and very, very low.

I think that's
what it is that throws me off.

The emotions aren't...
I mean the highs are really high.

Winning a state title is really,
really big deal.

And then, you know,
losing your opening game at a stadium...

named after your family
that's a low. And...

so I guess I didn't realize
how much passion was behind it,

and I think it's the passion
that causes that roller coaster.

- Yeah. Yeah, they do.
- But they love it.

When you could work
that hard at a job you hate.

Right, right. That's what I try
to remind him when he does hit the lows.

I'm like, it's not always like this.

- How about you, boss?
- Marriage is hard.

Marriage is hard without all
the other stuff coming involved,

but if you have a solid foundation
and mutual respect for each other...

all the other stuff
will take care of itself.

If you could change your husband's job,
if you could just push a button...

and he wasn't a high school
football coach anymore,

- would you push it?
- No.

Any job you want. You could...
bam he could be a...

He'd be miserable.
It wouldn't be worth it.

- Would you change anything?
- If he could...

had something that
he was equally passionate about,

- doesn't matter to me.
- I know you wouldn't change it.

No, not thing.

Well, I want to thank you
very, very much...

for letting us come into your lives,

and for us it was incredibly
illuminating, so thank you.

And thank you all
for watching State of Play.

From Los Angeles,
this is Peter Berg, goodnight.

"This has been
a presentation of HBO Sports."