Starsky and Hutch (1975–1979): Season 4, Episode 16 - Ninety Pounds of Trouble - full transcript

Hutch poses as a hitman and bluffs the murder of Starsky to support his identity after a kid accidentally blows his cover.





Why don't you try
going to bed at night?



[SIGHS] You better
throw some coffee down.

Dobey wants to see us.

Thank you.


Sorry about that.

WOMAN: Starsky?

Who's that?

It's Minnie, honey.

Somebody just came in to report

a hit-and-run.

So handle it.

You're accredited.

I tried.

She just won't talk
to anybody but you.



Hi, Dave.

How come you haven't
returned my calls?

Yeah, how come you haven't
returned her calls there, huh?

[GROANING] I'm sorry, Joey.

Excuse me. Please. Hm?

Oh. What?

Maybe the two of
you want to be...

[MOUTHS] No. alone.

Yes, we would. Right.



I'm sorry, Joey. I've been busy.

You promised to take me out.


Only if you promised
to behave yourself.

So aren't you gonna
ask about the hit-and-run?

What hit-and...?

Joey, you've come in three times

with reports of a crime that
was supposed to have happened.

I'm getting tired of your games.

Victim's name is Max Bauer,

and I know just who did it.

Where did it
happen? Right in front

of Marcie Bauer's house.

I could drive you over and
show you the crime scene.

Oh, so you're driving now?

[SIGHING] Oh, I got
my license last week.

So tell me, ahem.

This Max...

who hit him? Mr. Plantsky.

He was coming
out of his driveway

and just kind of "voom..."

He just kind of
sideswiped poor Max

and he kept right on going.

Only I saw the whole thing.

Well, uh, this guy,
Max, how old is he?


Oh, gee.


Probably around six weeks
or so. He was just a little puppy.

Max is a dog?

No, Dave. A puppy.


I am a very busy man.

[SIGHING] I'm a very busy man.

You take this puppy
and you take him

to the Humane Society.

What about our date?



Okay. I'll take you for
pizza tomorrow at lunch.

Oh, are you serious? Yeah.

You really will? Mm-hm.

And you promise not to bring
in one more false crime report.

Oh, no, I promise, I promise.

[CHUCKLES] See you tomorrow.



Bye, Joey, it was
nice to see you. Bye.


Is he always like
that in the morning?

Well, you know.

I know.


Frankly, I don't see
what she sees in you.


When did you get this doughnut,

last week?

Come on, Dobey wants to see us.


Where you going?

I'm going to get myself
another doughnut.


myself another doughnut.



Lenny Torkel, huh?

Alias, Lenny the Torch.

Gets his kicks cracking safes.

In between, he's been
runni" bets for Avery Schiller.

Well, Lenny's moving
up in the world.

Schiller's into some
heavy numbers.

I'd practically given
up on nailing Schiller.

Until now.

What does he wanna do?

Uh, trade some information
on Schiller for a reduced plea?

You got it. Says
Schiller's gonna knock off

some big union official.

Who's that?

He swears he doesn't know.

He only heard that the
hit man has checked

into the Georgian Hotel.

He thinks it's Eddie Carlyle.

Carlyle. I know that name.

Yeah, he's strictly a loner.

We checked with the feds,

they don't even
have a picture of him.

And Lenny says
none of his people

have ever met him either.

But he's our first
real link with Schiller,

so get hooked up
with your partner.

Find some excuse
to get him here.

It'll be a pleasure, captain.

DOBEY: Uh, word of caution.

Carlyle's no yahoo
tanked up on beer

with some Saturday
night special in his pocket.

He's a well-tuned
killing machine.

Well, what do you
think we are, captain,

the school crossing guard?


What's the charge?

Assault with a deadly weapon.

Against who? Us.

Ten seconds.

Police! Open up!



What did I tell you?
Must have something

against the door.
Cover me! Got you.



Down here.





Thank you.

HUTCH: Doctor says
he'll live and recover.

Carlyle doesn't show up,

Schiller's just gonna pass
the contract to another hit man.

We're gonna be
back where we started.

Captain, we got an idea.


You said that most
of Carlyle's clients

have never met him.
Take a look at him.

STARSKY: He remind
you of somebody?

Not really. Well, he's
about Hutch's size.


Same coloring.

I don't like it. His
clothes would fit.

Captain, how long have you
been trying to get Schiller?

Could be it. We need
Schiller laying out the hit.

Some cash changing hands.
And with that, we go to the DA.

I don't have to tell you there's
a dozen things can go wrong

with this little charade.

Including Hutch
winding up on a slab.

Captain, if it gets dicey,
we can always pull out.

But at least I might be able
to find out who's next in line.


All right, I guess
it's worth a try.

Yeah. Just as long as Eddie
doesn't get past that door.

I don't have to explain
the facts of life to you.

He's entitled to a
lawyer and a phone call.

We can't do anything about that.

Only when he wakes up.

Okay, you got 36 hours.

And that's pushing it.


What's the matter with
you? Why don't you tell me.

Well, I was... I'm
just, uh... What?

Checking out the man's
characteristics. His character.

Like an actor working on
a difficult role, you know.

I wouldn't say difficult.
I'd say impossible.

What do you mean by that?

You playing a classy character.

It's about like having Lou
Costello play Noel Coward.

Starsky, I may have
the salary of a cop...

but I have the
soul of an aesthete.

Soul of...

What's that?

You know.

No, I don't know.

I mean, with the right
kind of wardrobe...

I would be as at
home with the hoi polloi

as the Rothschilds.


What do you think?

Don't ask.

Why bother.

What's this?

"Miramar Lounge,
Wednesday, noon, Sid."

That's tomorrow.
Yeah, I know that.

What, you think maybe
perhaps that is the contact?

[PHONE RINGING] Telephone.

Answer it. Go ahead.

You're the actor.

Thank you.

Yeah? MAN: Carlyle?

Yeah, who's this?

I see you made it.

I'm here. Who's this?


You come highly recommended.

Can you perform the little
service we had in mind?

Yeah, like I said, I'm here.

Telephones make me a
little nervous, you know.

I understand perfectly.
Where can we see you?

I don't see people, Damon.
And I don't let people see me.

Well, you're gonna have
to if you want this job.

My boss doesn't do
business with phantoms.

Shall we meet at your hotel?


Well, then, you name it.

Hold on a second.

[WHISPERS] The book.

Do you know a
restaurant, Chez Moi?

Yeah, it's that
high-priced French place.

Yeah, relatively speaking.

Meet me there tomorrow.
Cordon Bleu Room.

How will we know you?

You won't.

Stand by the
fireplace, I'll find you.

The fireplace?

Eleven-forty-five a.m. sharp.


Well, at least they
don't know [SIGHS]

what Carlyle looks like.

So far, so good. [SIGHS]

Now, who do you think this
Sid is at the Miramar Lounge?

You better go down there

and check out that base. Yeah.

Well, Starsky, I've
gotta prepare. Huh?

I've got an acting
debut. Where's my hat?

On your head. Oh.



JOEY: Captain Dobey?

Oh, hi, Joey. Hi.

How's the local crime
wave? Is Dave around?

No, he isn't.

But maybe one of the other
detectives can help you.

Oh, no.

See, we have this date,

and I forgot to tell him

where to pick me up.

A date? Yeah. For lunch.

We're gonna get back together.

I'm afraid I wouldn't know
anything about that, Joey.

But, uh, Starsky's gonna be
busy the rest of the afternoon.

Oh, no, it... It was
definitely a date.

Definitely a date?

Just definitely.

I guess I just must
be a little bit early.

Mm-hm. Yeah.

Bye. Bye-bye.





What'd you make me
stand there so long for?

I was involved with my crab.

Have a seat.

Where's Schiller?

He don't like to get involved.

We got a deal?

I'll need more details.

Open it.

Everything you need to know.

Five thousand now,

the rest when it's done.

The man is a union official.

That don't make him immortal.

Which do you prefer,
the Iranian or the Beluga?

What's Beluga?

I'll take 50.

And I want it all up front.

Schiller ain't gonna like that.

You tell Schiller that
he can take it or leave it.

And you tell Schiller

that I will deal with
him personally...

not with his delivery boy.



Miramar Lounge.

Yeah. Is Sid there?

Yeah. Hold on. Sid.



me, miss. Would you mind moving over?

I'm looking for my wallet.

I... I... I was sitting
right here last night,

and I... I figured
it must have fallen

down here, uh,
behind the cushions.

Wou...? Wou...? Would
you mind? Thank you.

It'll just take a minute.



It's black alligator. Mm-hm.

And I was really hoping
I could find it here.

Maybe it fell on the floor.




Here it is!

Look. Oh, boy, look at that.



You know, when I
saw you sitting here,

I... I... I knew I
was gonna find it.

I really did. Are you lucky?


Oh, so am I.

You know, I was
really sweating it.

I had two pari-mutuel
winners in here.

can I buy you a drink?

No, thank you, I'm
waiting for someone.

Fine, I'll keep you
company while you wait.

I just hope nobody asks
me for my autograph.

Oh, are you someone special?

Why don't you have a
drink with me and find out.

[LAUGHS] Bartender.
What's your name?

Sid. Sid?

My father always wanted a boy.

father's disappointment, sweetheart,

is my delight.


That's correct.

Harry Marcartur,
the union official.

I want a 24-hour
armed guard on him.

And, uh, make sure every member

of his family's
covered, will you?

Thank you.


Well, we still need
to reel Schiller in.

I'm gonna go back to
the hotel, see if he bites.

Hutch, you've been
pretty lucky up till now.

Don't press it, huh?


Oh! Detective Starsky. I
was just looking for you.

I'm Detective Hutchinson.

Oh. Then, uh, it's the other
one Joey's so attached to.


Well, Detective Hutchinson.

Uh, Ken, isn't it? Yeah.

Ken, I'm going to share my
space with you for just a second.


My spiritual adviser

tells me not to
repress these things.


I find you
exceedingly attractive.

Look, Mrs. Carston...

Don't be afraid.

No. Look, I... I really
am in... In a big hurry.

I-if you have a problem
that I can help you with,

I'd be very happy to.

It's about Joey.

She left in my
Mercedes yesterday,

and I haven't seen her since.

What? You haven't
seen her since yesterday?

No. I mean, I heard
her pull in late last night,

but then she was off again
before I awoke this morning.

Have you filed a report?

Oh, no. That's not necessary.

I'm sure she's all right.

I think it's important

for a child to develop

Actually, it's the car.

The car?

The Mercedes.


You see, I have a
golf date this afternoon

and my clubs are in the trunk.

Look, Mrs. Carston, I hope
she hasn't had an accident.

Because we wouldn't
want anything to happen

to your golf clubs.

Well, I certainly wouldn't.

I travel a lot.

You know. Wherever
the action is.

Look, maybe, uh...

Maybe he's not gonna show up.

He somebody important?

Oh, I met him last
month in New York

and he showed me a
good time. That's about it.

Well, that doesn't
sound too serious.


It's just that he's
not the kind of guy

you want to get mad at you.

You afraid of him?

He's bad news.

So am I.

The best thing you could do

would be to walk
out of here right now.

Hey, you are the best
news that's happened to me

in a long time.

I don't give up that easy.

Well, maybe I should go
call him at the hotel and...


Stay here.



Can I help you, miss?

Give me a strawberry
margarita, please.

Um, we're fresh
out of strawberries.

Why don't you try the malt shop?

I'm 18.

And I'm Reggie Jackson.

No, you're Huggy.

It's okay.

Dave will vouch for me.

Would your name be Joey?

Yeah. I guess Dave
told you about me, huh?

Mm-hm. Well, you two are
linked in all the gossip columns.

So has Dave been in here today?

Not so far.

But he will be around, won't he?

Could be.

Shirley Temple. Don't
worry, it's on the house.

Oh, thank you. [CLASS

I don't do my heavy drinking

until after the sun goes
down, you understand.



Is Starsky expecting you?

Well, we had a date.

I guess he stood me up.

Joey, could I give
you a little advice?

Do I have a choice?

Starsky's a friend of
mine, you understand?

But I hate to see a fox
like you get the runaround.

I know all his faults.
I'm gonna change him.

That's just it.
Starsky's over the hill.

He's set in his ways.

And I really hate to
say this about a friend,

but he's basically a
demented sex fiend.

He's a...?

I can handle that.


Joey, you'd be better
off with a younger guy.

Can't drop him, Hug.

Love's a runaway train,

and I'm riding this one
to the end of the line.


The Pits. Lair of
the Huggy Bear.

Huggy? Starsk.

Look, I gotta get a
message to Hutch.

Tell him that Sid is a girl.

that's nice for Sid.

Quit the clowning around.

She happens to be one
of Carlyle's girlfriends.

And from the names
she's dropping,

I figure she must
know Schiller too.

Well, I'll pass that on
to Hutch if I see him.

Do that. She's one of
the few people in town

who can blow his cover.

Then you want him
to pull out? No, no.

I'm gonna try to
keep her under wraps.

Look, tell him that we're
at the Miramar Hotel.

Miramar Hotel.

Okay, but i...? Is she pretty?

Oh, oh, yeah. Your
lunch date is here.


Don't worry, I'll put the
Shirley Temple on your tab.

Yeah, do that, will you.

Tell her I'm sorry,
something came up.

Take it easy.




Carlyle? This is Schiller.

Did Damon give you my message?

Yeah, I respect a man

who doesn't
underestimate a difficult job.

Let's talk.


My place.

Now, I want to be sure
that this is done right.

Well, that's what you're paying
the big money for, Schiller.

Now, why don't you
give me your location.







It sounds to me like you've
had yourself a pretty tough life.

I've been hanging around
some pretty tough people.


I've tried to get away
from it, but I don't know.

The phone rings, and
I'm never doing anything.


Did you ever think about
making a change, hm?

Maybe getting out
of town? [PUFFS]


You want to take me with you
the next time you go back East?


Hey, it's all right.

You don't owe me
anything, you know.


I need some cigarettes.

Why don't you sit tight
and I'll go get them,

okay? Okay.

I think we'd better have a talk,

woman to woman.

Oh, well, sit down.

Uh... Heh.

What would you
like to talk about?

I'd like to talk about Dave.

Being that I have a
prior claim on him.

Ah. Uh, you know Dave?

We're going together.


Oh, I know he has these lapses.

I'll bet he didn't tell
you about me, did he?

Tsk. No, he didn't.

Well, he's like that. But
I'm gonna change him.

Um, how do you know Dave?

He busted me for shoplifting.

It was love at first sight.

I'm... I'm... I'm
sorry, he busted you?

Yes, he busted me.

He arrested me.

Of course, he
dropped the charges

after he fell in love with me.

Dave is a cop?


Lousy life, being
married to a cop.

I've thought about that.

I'll have to be very

Is something the matter?


Dave didn't tell you
he was a cop, did he?


No, he didn't.




Hi, Dave.

What are you doing here?

I was at Huggy's
when you called.

Heard him mention the
hotel, so thought I'd come over.

Look, get out of here.

Ah, ah, ah. Come on.

I'm not leaving until we talk

this thing over like two adults.

You gotta get out of here.

You're gonna spoil everything.

I'm not leaving until we
discuss our relationship.

Relation...? Our relationship.

Look, Joey.

What? You're just...

What? [SIGHS]

Get out of here.

I said, get out of here.
Now! Come on, get! No.

Get! Come on!



here's Eddie Carlyle.


Sit down.

Somehow I...

I thought you'd look different.

Well, you're not exactly what I
was expecting either, Schiller.

So you decided to
pay my price, huh?


I'm glad you realize
it's gonna require

special handling.

You may have to take
this guy in a public place.

Let's just make the deal
and get on with it, huh?

Relax, Carlyle.

I didn't get where I
am by rushing things.



Schiller, this is Sid.

Listen, I think you
should know something.

I was supposed to meet
Carlyle, and he never showed up.

But a cop did.

Where is this, uh, cop?

Across the street
at the Miramar Hotel.

All right, you, uh...
You stick with him.

But don't let on
you know he's a cop.

I gotta figure this one out.


That was Sid.

She says you didn't
show up for a date.

But another guy did. A cop.

So that guy was a cop, huh?

This whole thing
stinks, Schiller.

I want no part of it.

Carlyle, come on
back here and sit down.

What guy?

You wanna know why I
didn't meet you at the hotel?

Because there was a guy
in the lobby. He was a cop.

That's why I didn't meet Sid.

You know, you've got a problem.

Convince me. You've
got the problem.

You've got a leak
in your organization.

If there is, I'll handle it.

Well, I would
suggest you do that

because I don't want any
cops following me around.

If this guy is a cop,
what could he know?

I want him out of the picture.

You want a cop
out of the picture?

It's not gonna
cost you any more,

if that's what you're
concerned about.

It's the principle of the thing.

All right.

Do you have a good driver?


Damon here is the best.

So am I.


What happened to you?

I was worried about you.

Oh, I needed a little fresh
air and to do some thinking.

About what?

What a really lousy
world we live in.


Do you wanna get a room?


Come on.

Let's take a walk somewhere.


You sure this car is clean?

My people picked it up
on the other side of town.

Well, then we should have
nothing to worry about, right?

I think we ought to
wait for a better shot.

Look, Damon, you
just do the driving.

Let me do the thinking.

There, slow down.

That's the cop I
saw in the lobby.

Now, I want you to be
sure to have the car ready

when I make my move.

DAMON: Right on the street?

Look, Damon, if
you can't handle it,

you'd better let me know now.

Stop up ahead.


This isn't such a bad place.

The ocean's over there.

You're tailing the
wrong man, officer.



Love and kisses from Schiller.

Dave, I didn't know
they were gonna do this.

I swear! I swear I
didn't know. Dave! Dave!

HUTCH: Let's go,
Damon. Nice and easy.

Get out of the way.

Get out of the way!
Come on, move!

Dave. Dave. Dave.

Please don't die, please!

Listen, it's only a nick.

Now, you go get
an ambulance, huh?

What? Go on, right away. Go!




This is Foxy. Scramble.
This is an emergency!

Send an ambulance
to the Miramar Hotel.

Somebody's been shot.





You know, Carlyle,

for a while there I
was worried about you.

You still worried?

I never seen anything
like it, Mr. Schiller.

This guy's got ice
water in his veins.

Anybody with the
nerve to do what you did

can handle the job for us.

Yeah, well, I don't do this
kind of work on the cuff.

I don't expect you to.

You are something
else, Carlyle. Yeah?

You wanna top this off?





What are you talking about?

Well, bring him in.

You're cute.

Now, what's going on here?


What the hell is this?

Mr. Carlyle, say
hello to Mr. Carlyle.



[CHUCKLES] Schiller,
where'd you find the comedian?

He's really entertaining.

Next he's gonna
tell you I'm a cop.

CARLYLE: But he is a cop.

Sure I am.

I'm telling you, I'm Carlyle.

If you're Carlyle, where you
been the past couple of days?

I got busted by
a couple of cops.

I was laid up at the hospital.

HUTCH: You belong in a hospital.

Look, Schiller,

this charade has
gone on long enough.

You want
identification, there it is.

Passport, driver's
license, credit cards.

He ripped those off of me.

Sit down.

Damn it, Schiller,

if he killed a cop,
he was faking it.

I'm telling you, I'm Carlyle.

Get rid of him.

Wait a second. Wait a second.

There's a girl we both
know. Her name's Sid.

She'd know which of
these guys is Carlyle.

All right. Go find her.


Come on, move that
butt and come along.

Just one second. I just
have to say one thing.

You're gonna make
me lose my job.

You cannot go in here!
I have to say one thing.

It's all right. I told this
child you were busy.

Dave! Dave, you're alive!
I thought they killed you!

Where'd they get
you? Does it hurt? Huh?

Uh, they missed. What?

They m-missed. They missed?

Yeah, you see... Oh.

You let me think you
were lying there in agony,

practically dying, and
you didn't even tell me?

No, you don't understand.
I understand just fine.

No, you don't. Huggy
was right, you're a rat.

Joey, it's police business.

Oh, don't even
bother to explain.

I only came here to
talk to Captain Dobey.

Excuse me.

I followed those guys. I
know exactly where they are.

Come on, Joey.
And they have Hutch.

Don't get yourself involved.

We know where
Hutch is. He's all right.

Yeah, come on, now. Uh, look.

The whole thing's
a big scam, right?

And Hutch is trying to convince
everyone that he's Carlyle.

Yeah, something like that.

Okay. So let's suppose that
the real Carlyle showed up.

Wouldn't Hutch
be in big trouble?

He showed up.

He did what? He showed up.

Joey, if this is another
one of your games...

Why won't you believe me?



Yeah, let me speak to
the officer in Five West.

Officer Kromack. Telephone.

Yeah, Officer Kromack here.

No, I just looked at him.
His condition's the same.

He hasn't moved a muscle.


Thank you.

JOEY: What'd he say?

Carlyle's still out.

And you're going home.

Because your mother
is waiting for you.

Oh, you're gonna be so
sorry. No, I'm not. Go on.

Kind of hard on her,
weren't you, Starsky?

Yeah, I guess I was.

You know, she's
really a nice girl.


Well, how could she lie
about a thing like that?





How long? Never mind.

Carlyle's gone.


The kid was right.



I found her packing
for a last-minute trip.

Hello, Sid.

Hello, Carlyle.

I waited for you
for a long time.

Really. I heard
you weren't lonely

for very long.


I make you a
present of this one.

Just don't do it here.

It's a pleasure.

Damon, give him your gun.

Never did like that
jacket. Now I know why.


For you I'm gonna
invent a new way to die.


Come on.




Where's Schiller?
HUTCH: In the office.

Come on.

Hold it right there,
Schiller! Don't!

[GRUNTS] I owe you one.

Hey, where'd you guys come from?

Our Joey had the
whole thing wired.

I think you owe her
a great big thanks.

I owe her an apology.

Hey, Joey, come here.

Thank you.

Hey, be careful.
That's my girl you got.

Not anymore. Hey,
hey, that's too much.

Now, I just happen
to have two tickets

for the Springsteen
concert on Friday night.

Hey, hey.

And if you're a
good little girl,

I'll even let you drive. Mm.

Isn't Hutch coming? Hutch?

Hey, two is company,
three is a crowd.

Oh. You planning on
making some heavy moves,

are you, Hot Lips, huh?


Ought to be ashamed of yourself.

I'm an old guy. I could get
sent away for thoughts like that.

Fifteen will get you
20. What about you?

Me? Yeah, you?

Oh, well, uh, I'm only a
little younger than he is.


Hey, Joey. Hi, Steve.

Can I talk to you for a minute?



You know, Starsky, Mm.

You oughtn't be so
condescending to Joey.

What do you mean?
Consider yourself lucky

a girl as nice-looking
and young as she is

would even wanna
be seen with you.

You don't understand, do you?

Explain it to me.

I'm doing that girl a favor.

She's got a crush on me.

Happens to have a
crush on you. At your age.

What do you mean, at my age?

I am not that old.

Nice-looking guy.

He's all right.

He's captain of
the football team.

No kidding.

Anyway, he wants
me to come over Friday

and watch him practice.

That's the Springsteen
concert Friday.

Yeah, that's the Springsteen
concert Friday night.

Can't you make it another night?

STEVE: Listen, Joey...

if you wanna bring
your uncles along

to the practice on Friday,

that's okay.


You told him that
we were your uncles?

Well, you keep telling
me how old you are.


I'd better sit down, Starsky.

I'm feeling a little tired.