Starsky and Hutch (1975–1979): Season 2, Episode 12 - Iron Mike - full transcript

Starsky and Hutch inadvertently discover that a highly revered police captain may be in collusion with a criminal.


I... I must be crazy.

I must have some
kind of a death wish.

Look, will you trust me, please?

I'll have you know

that one of the finest
gourmets in town

touted me on this joint.

Where did you ever
meet a gourmet?

At the bowling league.

Remember that fat
guy with the silver shirt?

His name is Dimitri Goldberg.

Dimitri, huh?

Mm-hmm. There it is,

a rising star in the
cooking hall of fame.

You know, you
said the same thing

about that fish joint

where the health
inspector got sick.

So I'm not perfect. This way.

Hey, hey, one more thing.


Why is it that we have
to go in the back door?

Why can't we go
in the front door?

Anybody can go
in the front door.

Now, listen, this is important.

If Harry's not cooking
today, we leave.


You ready?


HUTCH: The last time
I saw a place like this

was in a James Bond...

What is this?


Ah, Harry?

Harry? Harry... My
name's Dave Starsky.

This is Ken Hutchinson.

How do you do?

Harry, Harry, a friend of
mine, Dimitri Goldberg,

Harry, Dimitri Goldberg...

He doesn't understand English.

Maybe he does.

Harry, he told me
that your best dish...

Starsk, I think Harry's busy.

Is mushu pork...

Mushu, mushi pork...
Mushi pork, Harry,

Mushi pork with the
soft brown noodles, huh?

Harry, he said it's fantastic.

Okay, all right, all right.

All right, all right, I'm sorry.


STARSKY: Your best
dish was mushi pork.

Mushu pork...



Mushi... Mushi pork, Harry,

Is that what you
call it? Starsky!

What? Come here!

Excuse me, Harry...
Mushi pork, okay?

Is she pretty?

Look, but stay back.

Iron Mike Ferguson. Yeah.

Oh, see, I'm not the
only one with taste.

Hey, we never congratulated him

for becoming captain.
Let's pick up his tab.

Look, Starsky...
Will you get off me?

Get... I can't.

Get off me. I'm
squished. I can't.


Now, take a look
at who he's with.

Who he's with? Yeah.

Matt Coyle.


What's a hard-nose
cop like Ferguson

doing with a crumb
like Matt Coyle?

I hate to think about it.



Oh, my...

I get the feeling we're
in the wrong place

at the right...



I don't believe this.


[WHISPERS] Starsk, get up!


All right, come on.

You think they saw me?

Come on, let's get out of here.

Hey, what's going on, Wang?



What's a cop like
Iron Mike Ferguson

doing playing footsie with
a bum like Matty Coyle?

I don't know, Starsk.

Maybe we're overreacting.


If we saw what it
looked like we saw,

Ferguson is on the take.

If. That's a big word.


It's not just that.

I haven't understood one word

since you've been in here.

[MOUTH FULL] Captain,
we're not sure what we saw

was in fact what we saw, but...

if, if...

Captain, wait a second...

Captain, what
Starsky's trying to say

is we did see what
we saw. We saw it.

We just don't
know what it means.

I saw. I know. Okay.

And if we saw what we saw...

Hold it!

You both can't talk
at the same time.

All right, Hutchinson, you go.

There, you see? Okay, now...


Wait a minute.



Dobey here.

Oh, fine. Send him in.

All right, now, whatever it is

will have to wait.

You remember Captain Ferguson?

He wants to speak to you.

Hello, Starsky.

Captain, how are you?

Hello, Hutch.

All right, captain?

Be my guest.

Well, the situation
is this, fellas.

I got a big one going down,

and I'm short-handed.

Too many of my guys
are on long-term stakeouts,

so I need volunteers.

Now, your captain's
already agreed.

What do you say?

Well, it's nice to be wanted.

What's the set-up?

Well, it's Darcy's
department store.

It's a three-man
operation. All hard cases.

Half a dozen murder raps
between them and no convictions.

The hit goes down five
minutes before closing time,

5:25 today,

and we're gonna be there.

Captain Ferguson assures me

that his informant
is 100 percent,

which means you're
going to get a chance

to make a good clean
bust with a minimum risk.

If there are no questions,

and you're agreeable,

you're working
for him temporarily.

When do we start?


Now, get down to the chalk
room for a mission briefing.

When we go in, we go in ready.

You may remember my methods.


All right, get going.

I'll be with you as
soon as Dobey and I

wrap up a little paperwork.

Sign on the dotted line.

Doesn't it seem strange?

Have you got a dime?


Doesn't it seem strange

that Ferguson suddenly needs us?

We haven't seen the
man in over a year.


Well, we saw him
today, and if he saw us...

Yeah, what if he saw us?

He shows up in Dobey's office

and wants us in on a bust...

At Darcy's department store.

That's some kind of
a coincidence, huh?

Well, where does that leave us,

except with us standing here,

you eating my lunch.

The question is,

where does that leave us

at 5:25 this afternoon?

I think I just lost my appetite.

Hey, don't worry. It
won't happen to us.

Yeah? How can you be so sure

at 5:25 this afternoon?

Because we've got something

that Ferguson doesn't have.

Yeah? What's that?

Each other. You lucky devil.



I started going over the
books with Arnie, Mr. Coyle.

I figured you're
always kind of late

when you take
lunch at your club.

Did you have a good time?

At the club?

Well, now, Johnny,
I'm gonna have

to take you there someday,

so you can learn
the true meaning

of the word "boredom."

There's nothing duller

than watching a
millionaire with an ulcer

eat his cottage cheese.


Well, now, how's business doing?

Not too hot.

Some of our customers
wanna cut back.

They're complaining about

the cigarette machines

in the downtown bars,

and the convention
center's kicking about

paying off on the
loading permits...

Now, now, no more
sad stories, Johnny.

We Irish have a heart

as tender as a baby's behind.

My customers pay when
I want them, Johnny,

not when they feel like it.

If you have to persuade them,

persuade them.

Okay, Mr. Coyle,

but I'm not as good
at that as Momo was.

He could talk them
into coming through.

You know me, I
have to break heads.

But Momo's in jail
for 10 years, Johnny,

so it's up to you now.

You have to do
what you have to do

to keep my operation in line.

Johnny, I'm leaving now.

Oh, Johnny, you're a lucky man.

You're very kind, Mr. Coyle,

but I'm the lucky one.

I'm going shopping,
honey, and then home.

Thanks for lunch. Bye.

Hey, Johnny, run
and fetch your wife

a tin of that imported tea

that came in yesterday.

Yes, sir.


You know, it's a rare man

who has both a beautiful wife

and an understanding employer.

I'll see that he's
working tonight.

You and I can be alone.




Could I maybe interest you

in something from
women's lingerie?

Maybe a negligée?

Yeah, but it's not for me.

I got this weird partner.

I can't decide if he likes black

or pink.

Well, it's quiet enough so far.

What do you think?

I don't like plaids.

It's not for you.


Starsk. Hmm?

Store security, right on time.

Iron Mike is one hell of a cop.

I know he sealed the joint off,

but I still can't
see how he did it.

It's not for me, either.

You won't see anything much

if you don't learn to
keep your eyes open.

Don't look like
you're gonna salute.


I'll be in the accounting
office with Sawyer and Platt.

Nelson and
Bauerman will cover us

from the supply room.


When the hoods start the action,

you seal off the back
way, like we planned,

by the numbers, huh?


All right, folks...

Closing time.

Please complete your purchases.

You know something, Starsk?


I think I'm gonna take
my business elsewhere.

His attitude stinks.



Right on time.


Looks cool on the blind side.

We got three men, and
we know where they are.

MAN: Police!

You're surrounded!


Get back!


The man said three.

And two more show
up at our backs.

What do you think?

I think we ought to find
out what this guy's into.

Here he is.

Hey. What the hell's going on?

It sounds like a war out here.

We're not sure, captain.

Well, I'm glad you could
make it so quickly, captain.

You're the one cop

whose mug I don't
mind looking at.

But then again, I'm
a sentimental man.

Hey, Hug, that's
quite some motorcycle.

Will you guys come on over here?

Yeah, that's a brilliant
disguise, Huggy.

Who'd ever think
to look for a pimp

on a motor scooter?

Hey, don't knock it.

It fooled my two
lovely accomplices

over there.

You got to be kidding.

How are you gonna
get two foxes like that

on a little
puddle-jumper like this?

Hey, when the spirit is willing,

the flesh can do all
kinds of groovy stuff.

But I didn't call you down here

to discuss my
personal philosophy.

You asked me to keep an
eye on that Ferguson dude?

Well, word from the street
is that he sweats ice water.

He's mean, clean,
and allergic to green,

unless it's the kind

that comes in his regular
police pay envelope.

Oh, shoot!

You guys got any idea how
to put this thing together?

Huggy, if this man is so clean,

what the hell are
we doing down here?

Well, that alley backs
up to Coyle's warehouse.

That's where the
good captain is.

He whipped around the
block a couple of times,

then pulled in to Coyle's.

That's food for thought,
wouldn't you say?

STARSKY: If you're hungry.

Yeah. Listen, keep
up the good work, huh?

Thanks a million, Hug.

Hey, your Caddy's gonna
be ready in a second.

What is it that the French say

about the way of
the world, captain?

I don't know.

Probably something about sex.

"The more things change,

the more they
remain the same..."

Like our relationship.

Look, I didn't
come for a seminar.

Let's get to it.

STARSKY: You weigh a ton.


Will you hurry up and listen?


FERGUSON: Come on, come on.

I don't have the time.

Let's have it, Coyle.

COYLE: I'm clear.

We understand
each other perfectly.

Here's what you asked for.


You're entirely
welcome, captain.

My pleasure.



Okay, okay, okay, okay.

I got it. Okay.

What'd you get? Hm?

Maybe too much.


The last of Ferguson's files.

You find anything?

Only the greatest arrest record

since Wyatt Earp.

Wait a second.

That's Momo Mantell.

Now, he's one of... of
Coyle's top henchmen.

How's it possible

for Ferguson to be
on Coyle's payroll,

and at the same time
grab a guy like Momo?

You know something?

If our arrest record
was half as good

as Ferguson's,

Dobey would have
our shoes bronzed.

Maybe we ought to
drop this whole thing.

It's too late. What?

I think somebody down in records

told Ferguson we
pulled his sheets.

You know, I ought
to have you two

rousting winos
at the bus station.

Who are you two punks
to check up on me?

Look, I don't take garbage

from creeps on the street.

I'm not gonna start taking it

from creeps in my
own department.

I was busting
scum in this division

when you two were
still playing patty-cake,

and when I started
walking a beat

in this town,

the bums owned it,

and a cop was someone you paid

to leave you alone.

I may not always
go by the books,

but I get results.

And my conscience is as clear

as any man's.

Meanwhile... while you
were nosing after me,

I got a line on those hoods

that broke loose from
the department store job.

You brought them in?

No, that's something
we're gonna do.

Oh, that is, if you'd like

to get back into police work.

They're holed up in a
little apartment house

on Garvey.

Shall we go?

All right, come on.

Stay close to the building line.

That ground floor
apartment in the front.

When we go in, they
got three choices:

straight out, or out the sides.

Starsky, you get the side door.

Hutch, the front door.

I'm gonna take that side window.

What's the matter, hmm?

Something bothering you?

Scared I'm setting you up?

All right, take your positions.


Police officer!

I have a warrant
for your arrest!


Hold it! Drop that gun!

Come on, all the way out.



Cuff him.

Hold it!




Your jacket.

I'll go get an ambulance.

No, no use.

You never know. I'll go anyway.

I know! Stay here.

Somebody call an ambulance!

You can't stay
lucky forever, huh?


Hey, look inside
my back pocket...

a snitch book.

Back page...

This is the whole
scam for the bust today.

Call the number in there...

a favor to me.

Don't tell Dobey.
You understand?


I want your word.

You got it.

I understand,
captain. You got it.

Now, take it easy.

Call, use it.

Yeah, okay.

There's nothing
to be ashamed of.


The best...

thing for... everyone.

It's the best...


The whole book,

nothing but one
setup after another.

Look at that... all
that information

on that Ballet Society
extortion bust last year.

Time schedule on the drug bust

at Mandalay Heights Airfield.

The armored car bust...

Somebody's been feeding Ferguson

information for years.

Well, anybody

with that kind of information

has gotta be important.


And whoever that anybody is

apparently belongs to us now.

What's that number?
Gimme that number.



Think I'll join you.


Good afternoon.

This is Detective
Kenneth Hutchinson.

I assume, then, that
Captain Ferguson

has come to the
end of his career.

You have my most
sincere condolences.

I truly mean that.

My name, if you
don't already know it,

is Matt Coyle.

Listen, Mr. Coyle...

Ferguson asked
us to make this call.

That's as far as it goes.

Please, sergeant. In
Captain Ferguson's name,

could we not speak
together in person?

You have my promise

that I'll neither insult
or compromise you,

and you have my solemn word

that the captain was
never bribed or bought.

But this is so
awkward on the phone.

Could we not meet
in my office, say, at 3?

Three o'clock.


One thing else, please...

When you come, come as a cop.

Come as a cop?

I wonder what Ferguson came as.

Come in, gentlemen.

So I trust you have good reason

for disturbing my privacy
during business hours.

We got five outstanding crimes

we could close
this joint down for,

beginning with illegal loading

and going all the way up

to stacking trash
in a public alley

without a permit.

And if we don't get
some cooperation,

we're gonna start
writing some violations.

Why, I'll cooperate, of course.



you and Arnie check
that shipment of cherries

that came here from Portland

while I... chat
with our visitors.

Yell if you need me, Mr. Coyle.

Oh, I'll do that, Johnny boy.

You can count on it.

A hundred and 20 cases

of the best Bing
cherries in the world.

I'll see you get
some, if you like.

I have eats by the tons, boys.

Goodies all around us.

[IRISH ACCENT] You see, lads,

it's because when I was
a wee nipper in Ireland,

I was always so flaming hungry,

dreaming of food, day and night.

That's why I got
into this business...

so I never starve.

You were born in Jersey City,

and you never had a
hungry day in your life.


But my lie had far more
color than your gray truth.

Now, shall we talk?

You were feeding Ferguson

the kind of information
that cops beg for.

Offenses, rapists, bank jobs...

You even turned over
your number one boy,

"Skinny" Momo.

That still bothers me.

Momo, he was like a son to me.

But Iron Mike
Ferguson wanted him.

And what did Iron Mike
Ferguson have to do

in return for all
your favors, Coyle?

Tell us about that.

Ferguson owed me nothing.

That's exactly what he gave me.

Except maybe once in a while,

he gave me a little
room to breathe.

You mean he
looked the other way.

Isn't this a better town

without the scum I
turned over to Ferguson

walking around?

The animals and the hard cases

I turned over

would never have come
to justice without me.

Iron Mike, he understood that.

He called it Ferguson's Law.

You gotta give
a little to get a lot.

And if you check the
record, gentlemen,

you'll realize I
have plenty to give.


Not interested.

Not even if I deliver the hood

who pulled the
diamond exchange heist

last week...

and the ice?

Well, consider it
a free trial offer.

No obligation. Just
like with Iron Mike.

Boys, boys.

What have you got to lose, hmm?

COYLE: He drives
a blue Mercury...

and I happen to know
exactly where he'll be

tomorrow morning around 10.

Would you open that
briefcase, please?

STARSKY: I can pull this gun

about two seconds faster

than you can make
it to that corner.

You wanna take the position?

Come on.

Well, I think Robbery's
gonna be very interested in this.

Mr. Coyle, they picked up Lester

with all the stones from
the diamond exchange job.

My, my. That is sad.

Just when we were
going to make a deal.

Can they make it stick?

It looks like.

He had so many previous
possession raps going,

the lawyers say the cops
had cause for search.

Well, at least the money

we have committed to Lester

can be applied to
raising the $205,000.

Raising the rest is
up to you, Johnny.

I know you won't fail me.

This is Lonigan.

Get Arnie in here and
tell him we got work to do,

then call my wife
and tell her I'll be late.

Mr. Coyle needs me.

Well, my compliments to you.

Three important
arrests in 48 hours.

You're gonna shame me

into putting you
up for promotion.

That's not what we came
here to see you about, cap.

It's not the promotion, cap.

It's the arrests.

Our report's here
on the blue sheet.

The black book belongs
to Mike Ferguson.


Mike Ferguson's my best friend.

I never met a
finer police officer.

Captain, the tips that
Ferguson got from Coyle

made him top cop.

In exchange...

he let Coyle operate

So what?

Maybe that's the best
Ferguson could do.

Well, don't you ease up on
Huggy Bear for information?

There's a difference, Cap.

Huggy might bend the law a bit,

but he's not a
monster like Coyle.

Ferguson was
accepting bribes, captain.

Maybe not in dollar bills...
but he was accepting bribes.

I don't believe that.

Coyle said that Ferguson's
Law was "give a little, get a lot."

So, what are you
gonna do, believe Coyle?

Now, you tell us, captain.

Did Ferguson have the
right to decide who was guilty

and who wasn't guilty?

Who should be on the street,
who shouldn't be on the street?

We sure as hell aren't
gonna try! Look at the book!

What Coyle does is illegal...

and we want him for it.

Over Mike Ferguson's dead body.


Hey, look.

You take that damn book

and get out on the street!

I hope you catch him!

But you leave Mike
Ferguson alone.

I want to tell you,

half the force has been
after Coyle for years,

and it never even
wilted his carnation.

You think you two
are gonna do better?


At least we have
a place to start.

We got Coyle's number one man.

Momo Mantell.

MOMO: You know who finked on me?

You give me his name.

Even from here, I'll
turn him into dead meat.

That's not the way
we work, Momo.

We give you the name,

you give us the information
on the finger man

so we can put him away.

You want it?

You play it our way.

Deal. Who turned me over?

Matt Coyle.

You guys never learn, do
you? Do I look that dumb?

Even when he was threatening me

with 20 to life,

Iron Mike Ferguson
wasn't stupid enough

to try that one.

On the gate.

It's true.

Look in the book.

Your name is printed
in big fat letters,

and Coyle's phone number

is printed on the
big fat front page.

Big deal.

I got a passport that says
I'm a Turkish nobleman.

So what?

You know, Matt Coyle
delivers 500 bucks

to my old lady every
Tuesday morning,

and I never even asked for it?

You know something,
Momo? You really are stupid.

Listen, Matt Coyle
ain't no Snow White,

especially with the ladies,

but then my wife ain't
no Laura Lonigan, either.

Lucky for me.

But a tongue?


Not if cows gave
beer, my friends.



"My wife ain't no
Laura Lonigan."

What did he mean by that?

I didn't even know
Lonigan was married.

If he is...

If he is,

and Coyle is the way
Momo says he is...

Maybe we can repeal
Ferguson's Law.


COYLE: You have two
suitors. Me and Johnny Lonigan.

LAURA: But Johnny's
my husband, Matt.

That's his problem.

It's your problem if he
ever found out about us.

Laura, you're teasing.

How would Smiling Johnny
ever find out about us?

Oh, a little bird
might tell him.

The last man
Johnny found me with,

he broke both of his arms.

What are you up to, darling?


there's this little
diamond bracelet...

Oh, you're a cunning one.


We're two of a kind.


You can have your bracelet.

But you ever do
that to me again...

and you'll be the one
that gets their arms broken.


HUGGY: He's with her
now, fellas, up in his pad.

STARSKY: Uh-huh.

Apartment 6A, Laura Lonigan.

You're kidding.

And at no additional fee...

a color portrait

of the lady in question.



Took that myself.

Hair like sunlight.

Well, Lonigan is
Coyle's main man.

Hey, fellas, don't thank me.

Just lay some
presidential portraits

on green paper on me.

Hmm, who'd you have in mind?

Well, Grant will do just fine.

How about a handful
of Washingtons?


Take three Lincolns.

Keep you in Turtle Wax.

Gee, thanks, fellas.

think it's about time

that we pay our
friend Coyle a visit.


Hmm. It's the
curse of electricity.

It's always ringing
bells at the wrong time.

Best get out of sight.



Patience. I'm coming!


Yes, yes, yes.

Mr. Coyle.

Sorry to barge in like this.

We didn't think you'd mind.

Now that depends, wouldn't it?

Oh, we...

we won't keep you
from your hobby too long.

It's just we've been
thinking about what you said.

Bottom line, please.

Bottom line?

All the busts that
we been in on...

They're all silk,
all top of the line.


We're in. Like Ferguson.

Well, now you're behaving
like mature individuals.

You don't even have to
shelve your conscience.

I assure you, Iron
Mike never did.

Well, forgetting all
that abstract stuff,

all that conscience stuff...

We'd like to start out
with something special.

Sign of good faith.

Name it.

Johnny Lonigan.

Ha, Johnny Lonigan.

Well, now, be reasonable, boys.

I've already given
Momo over to you.

I do need an assistant.

Put an ad in the paper.

You want us, give up Lonigan.

Johnny'll be collecting
some money for me

at a bar on Devon
this afternoon.

If you want enough
evidence to put him away...

you have it.

Now, is that a sign
of my good faith?

Well, let's just say we
know you a little better.

Sorry about that.


Anything important?

No, not compared
to this, darling.

Not compared to this.

You bought this, Schultz!

Mr. Coyle asked for his money,

and he only asks once.

So do we, Johnny. Don't move.

You, take a hike.

You're wasting your time,
cop. I'll be out in two hours.

Not a chance, Johnny.

You were given to us
with a big pink ribbon.

And when Matt
Coyle gives a gift...

he gives a gift.

You're dreaming, cop.

I'll be out on bail.
Go on. Take me in!

You don't understand
something, Johnny.

You were set up.

Recognize the handwriting?

You were thrown to us
because we asked for you.

That's how your friend
Coyle stays in business.

He sells his
friends to the heat.


Now, we're gonna
give you a chance

to get even, John.

You just tell us
how to nail him.

Lousy cops. That
note's a forgery!

Matty wouldn't do that
to me! He's my friend.

Johnny, you know
where Laura is now?

She's shopping
downtown. What's it to you?


Apartment 6A, Bolero Towers.

Does that sound familiar?

You're lying! You're
both lying to me!


Now, Johnny boy...

Johnny, we can be
there in five minutes.

What's it gonna be, Johnny?

[CRYING] I'll give
him to you good.

JOHNNY: We're supposed to make

a big cocaine buy
tonight... $205,000 worth.

It's Matt Coyle, Walters.

My man Lonigan was picked up,

so I come in person.

[WHISPERS] Don't move a muscle!


Real easy. Keep that leg up.

Keep it up.

Just keep watching the action.





The ball game's
over, Mother Macree!

Drop it!

Drop it!



All right, hold it right there.

Where's Coyle?

I'm not running, gentlemen.

You got me.

I'll do my time.

Well, it won't be much.

And then when I get out...

you'll be older and more weary.

Like Iron Mike was.

And then... Well
then, me buckos...

Then you'll be calling me!


It's your move.

Yeah, I know it's my move.


Just give me a minute, will you?

I can give you all
the time you want.



I wouldn't do
that if I were you.

Why not?

Well, you do that,

I'm liable to jump
all over your pony.

It's called a knight, Starsk.

It's called a knight, a knight.

Hey, don't get angry.

You know, we don't
have to play this game.

Just because you
taught me tonight...

Hey, I know all
about beginner's luck.

Now, if you'd just be quiet...

Yeah, I'll be quiet.

I'll be as quiet as long as
you want me to be quiet.

All right.

I just don't know how
you can defend Ferguson.

He made a lot of
impressive arrests.

Yeah, but he left a
monster like Coyle

to run around the streets.

Well, Coyle was important to us.

Maybe Iron Mike
couldn't see that far.

Maybe what was
important to Iron Mike

was the beat that he
walked on for 25 years,

the pushers and the pimps,

the guys who'd slit
your throat for five bucks.


I wouldn't do that.

Why not?

Well, you do that,

I'm gonna capture your joey.

It's a bishop, Starsk.
It's called a bishop,

and if you'd ever be quiet...

I thought you said you couldn't

pick those pieces up like that.

Starsky, I didn't
take my finger off it!


You were just
saying that Ferguson

couldn't tell a
forest from the trees.

Trees to you, Starsky,

but maybe to a cop
who's stayed out too long,

those trees become the forest.





Why would I make a
dumb move like that?

Starsky's Law:

Talk a little, win a lot.