Star Trek: Voyager (1995–2001): Season 6, Episode 21 - Live Fast and Prosper - full transcript

- You're late.
- I had a problem with the pulse drills.

They'll be here soon.
I want to make a good impression.

Do you think we should do this?

Orek will be pleased
that we took the initiative.

I hope you're right.

- Welcome to Telsius.
- Thank you.

I'm Captain Kathryn Janeway.
This is Commander Tuvok.

We're from the Federation
starship Voyager.

We have mines like this on Earth.

I'm not familiar with Earth.

It's 30,000 light years away.



30,342.4, to be exact.

You're a long way from home.

It's difficult sometimes.

Then I close my eyes

and think of the farm where I grew up.

For a moment I'm home again.

Shall we get down to business?

Yes, we've had a shortage of dilithium.

If we can't replenish our supply,

we may be forced to suspend work.

Our chief of mining operations

has gone to the Grenna System.

Yes, but we can trade in his absence.

What are you prepared to trade?



The only commodity we have is...

bolomite.

We don't have much use for that.

On the contrary, Captain.

Bolomite is used in radiation therapy.

The orphans on Narva...

Orphans?

The settlers on the Narva colony

were exposed to high levels of radiation.

The entire adult population was killed.

We're doing all we can for the children.

All right. 20 kilotons of dilithium
for an equivalent amount of bolomite.

- We only have ten kilotons left.
- Then ten it is.

Captain.

I must point out that dilithium is worth
nearly twice as much as bolomite.

Tuvok, these people need our help.
I won't quibble over a few tons of ore.

Perhaps we should celebrate.

I wish we could, but there's
a neutronic storm approaching our ship.

We should be leaving orbit.

- Give us an hour to finalise the deal.
- We'll wait to hear from you.

Before we leave,
would it be possible to tour your facility?

- It's out duty as Starfleet officers...
- Unfortunately, the storm won't wait.

Maybe on our next visit.

Live long and prosper.

- This hair is so uncomfortable.
- I find it aesthetically pleasing.

The negotiations?

It would have been perfect
if "Tuvok” hadn't improvised.

I portrayed my character truthfully.

Once we finish a transaction,
we leave. Is that clear?

Indeed.

Incoming transmission
for Captain Janeway.

Ready.

This is Captain Janeway.

"The bolomite is ready for transport.
We thank you for your generosity.'

Starfleet General Order, Directive
927 - "Always help those in need."

- Transport complete.
- We've enjoyed meeting you.

Captain, we haven't received
the dilithium yet.

The neutronic storm seems to be
interfering with our transporters.

If we don't leave orbit now,
we will be damaged.

- What about our dilithium?
- We'll deliver it after the storm.

- How long will that be?
- Captain Janeway out.

Let's go.

Computer, activate the sonic shower.

Oh! Adjust the frequency.

Computer, deactivate the sonic shower.

Report.

We've got systems failures
on eight decks.

- That explains my very loud shower.
- Make that nine decks.

I've run every diagnostic
and I can't find the problem.

- Gremlins.
- Excuse me?

In the early days of aviation,
engineers blamed imaginary creatures

called gremlins
for malfunctions they could not explain.

One of your gremlins just paid
a visit to the replicator system.

Tuvok, we saved you a seat.

What's wrong?

Someone has altered
one of my holodeck programs, again.

Are you sure it isn't
one of these malfunctions?

Everything's been affected,
including the holodecks.

The Oracle of K'Tal
isn't programmed to wear pyjamas.

- Well, maybe he overslept.
- Your jokes are not amusing, Mr Paris.

- Why do you always think it's me?
- Mr Kim?

I'd like to claim credit, but I'm innocent.

The next time I visit the holodeck,
I want my original program restored.

I'm telling you, Tuvok, we didn't do it.

I wonder how the Oracle
would look in a sombrero.

- Everybody stop eating.
- Captain, what's wrong?

If I could have everyone's attention.

We found a contaminant
in the replicator system.

It's not serious, but if any of you
feel queasy, report to sickbay.

In the meantime, the galley is closed.

I wish I hadn't had seconds.

Here.

Well, that explains it.

Don't tell me a simple heating coil
in the stove is responsible for this.

Any component connected to the
circuitry can spread a contaminant.

This isn't Starfleet issue.

- Where did it come from?
- I obtained it during a trade.

- With whom?
- Sister Dala.

- Sister?
- One of the clerics on Selnia Prime.

Tom and I met her on our away mission.
She tried to help some orphans.

- It's all in our report.
- Did you check it before you installed it?

- Captain to the bridge.
- I'm busy. Can it wait?

- I'm afraid not.
- I'll be right back.

One excuse after another.

You're stalling
and I don't have time for it.

Captain, this is Mr Orek.

He's chief of mining operations
on Telsius Prime.

- A problem, Mr Orek?
- Not if you deliver our dilithium.

- Dilithium?
- It's all clearly documented.

Ten kilotons of bolomite ore
in exchange for ten kilotons of dilithium.

There's been a misunderstanding.

One way or another,
I intend to collect what you owe me.

We've enjoyed meeting you.

Captain, we haven't received
the dilithium yet.

The neutronic storm seems
to be interfering with our transporters.

If we don't leave orbit now,
we will be damaged.

- What about our dilithium?
- We'll deliver it when the storm clears.

- Do you still deny you made the trade?
- That woman isn't me.

- Who is she then?
- She's obviously an impostor.

I have transmission logs,
transport records, scans of your shuttle.

I have never been to your planet,
aboard Voyager or any other vessel.

Our ship's logs
will confirm what the captain said.

How do I know they're authentic?

How do we know yours are?

You think I falsified data?
Why would I do that?

- Perhaps to extort dilithium from us.
- I'm not the thief here.

We are not questioning your integrity.

It does appear you've been cheated,
but not by me or any of my crew.

How naive do you think I am?

First you prey upon
the sympathy of my miners

by telling them stories
about poor orphaned children.

Now you try to convince me
you're the victims here.

- Did you say orphaned children?
- A despicable tactic.

Will you excuse me
for a minute, please?

We are not finished.

- Neelix.
- Captain, we're making real progress...

Never mind that. Tell me more about this
"cleric" who gave you the heating coil.

Sister Dala. What do you want to know?

Everything.

Well, Tom and I met her
during our away mission.

We were on a planet
in the Wyanti System

searching for a spore
the Doctor wanted.

I tell you, Neelix,
when I first joined Starfleet,

I knew it would be one
glamorous adventure after another.

But I never dreamed that I'd get to go
on a mold-hunting expedition.

I'm detecting traces of glamour
in this direction.

Please, go no further.
This is our sanctuary.

Our scans didn't detect
anyone down here.

Our sect is a solitary one.

We dampen our lifesigns to protect
the privacy of our meditations.

- We're sorry if we've disturbed you.
- Begin the cleansing.

I hope we haven't committed
a serious transgression.

The transgression was ours. We should
have guarded the sanctuary better.

The Deities will be angry.

Come on, Neelix.
We better get out of the way.

Of course. Our sincere apologies.
If there's anything we can do...

Forgive me, but... you look familiar.

I don't think that we've ever met before.

- Do you see it?
- Yes.

You bear a striking resemblance
to our Redeemer of Light.

I'm flattered.

Each spring we make a pilgrimage to
Narva in his honour, to help the orphans.

- That's a very worthy cause.
- It is.

Unfortunately, we have no food
to bring them this year.

- Why not?
- A blight infected our hydroponic pods.

The crop was destroyed.

Maybe we could replicate
some food for you.

We bestow charity on others.

The Deities forbid us
from accepting it ourselves.

- How about a trade?
- Good idea.

You must have something
that we can use.

That way you wouldn't be
accepting charity.

And the Deities would have nothing
to get angry about.

Your heart is as kind as your face.

May the Deities bless you.

And they gave you a heating coil?

It took a while to replicate supplies,
so we invited them back to the Flyer.

That's when they accessed our systems.

- Captain?
- Did you leave them alone at any point?

I don't think so. After we ate, Tom took
Brother Mobar to see the cockpit.

But I stayed in the aft section
with Sister Dala, talking.

- About what?
- Me, mostly.

She wanted to know
all about my role on Voyager.

Ambassador, morale officer, chef.
Sounds as though you're invaluable.

- I do what I can.
- Where is your Voyager now?

- About three light years from here.
- Your crew is alone in this region?

We are the only starship
within 30,000 light years.

- That must be difficult.
- Sometimes it is, but we manage.

We've single-handedly taken on the
Borg, the Hirogen, Species 8472.

- I'm impressed.
- Captain Janeway deserves the credit.

She's an extraordinary woman.

- Your captain is a woman?
- The finest one I've ever known.

Tell me about her.

She's commanded Voyager
for almost six years now.

Before that, she was
a science officer on the Al-Batani.

- Where does she come from?
- Earth. It's in the Alpha Quadrant.

She grew up on a farm in a place
called Indiana. You'd like her.

I'm sure I would.

- Sister Dala.
- Yes, Brother Mobar.

It's late.
We must return to the sanctuary.

- So soon?
- It's time for the evening meditation.

We can't thank you enough
for all you've done.

We're just glad that we could help.

- The blessing.
- Certainly.

May the Deities bless these travellers.

Then we transported them back.

- How long did this blessing last?
- No more than a minute or two.

- That's probably all they needed.
- For what?

Just what I thought.

The entire database
was downloaded 18 days ago.

- Brother Mobar. The talisman.
- It was obviously some sort of scanner.

What would a couple of clerics
want with our database?

It might help if they wanted
to pose as Federation officers.

Gentleman... I believe you've been had.

The way I see it, we're both victims.

Your bolomite was stolen
and our reputation has been damaged.

What are you proposing?

You said you had scans of the vessel
that visited your mining colony.

If you allow us to analyse them,

we could derive
the impostors' warp signature.

We could find them
and recover your property.

This is all difficult for me to believe.

Two of your crewman
deceived by clerics?

- Could they really have been so naive?
- A legitimate question.

We're dealing
with clever adversaries.

They fooled us, but we can stop them.

Perhaps I should contact
Telsian security.

They have persuasive methods
for determining the truth.

In the meantime, the real thieves
could be halfway across the sector,

with your bolomite in their cargo hold.

- And finally, our bridge.
- Is this a typical Federation vessel?

The Delta Flyer looks a little worn
because she's been through so much.

This ship has helped fend off
the Borg, the Hirogen, Species 8472.

Most of your technology is outdated.

Show him the mother ship, Mr Chakotay.

The USS Voyager. Intrepid class.

15 decks of the most advanced
technology you'll find anywhere.

Dilithium-powered warp engines,
integrated bio-neural circuits, holodecks.

Is this a typical Federation vessel?

Every ship in the fleet
is built to high standards,

but I'd be lying if I said
I didn't think Voyager was exceptional.

As her captain,
I'm not entirely objective.

I'm sure you feel the same way
about your ship.

- It is my home.
- I'm glad to hear you say that, Mr Varn.

Because that's exactly
what the Federation is.

A home... for an extended family
who share resources

and come to one another's aid
in time of need.

So if my ship joins your Federation,
Voyager will help me fight my enemies?

The primary goal of the Federation
is exploration. Military objectives are...

Don't bore our guest
with Starfleet protocol, Tuvok.

My enemies have
sophisticated weaponry.

As do we -

photon torpedoes,
optronically targeted phasers,

multi-spectrum shielding.

All of which we would share
with a fellow member of the Federation.

What will I have to do to join?

In order to be considered, a candidate
must make formal application.

An extensive review
is conducted by a committee...

The process is complicated,
but Captain Janeway has influence

with the Federation Council.

And you would use that influence
on my behalf?

I'd be foolish not to.

You are just the type of candidate
we're looking for.

I'll have to discuss this
with my shipmates.

Joining the Federation is a serious
commitment. Take your time.

Captain, our latest orders
from Starfleet Command.

We won't be back here
for at least six months.

Perhaps we can discuss
your application then.

If we were to apply now,
could you assure us we'd be accepted?

You'll have to commit
considerable resources.

I'll do whatever is necessary.

Well, let me be the first to say...
welcome to the Federation.

You look like you could some coffee.

I've been flying concentric
search patterns for the last 12 hours.

Any sign of the impostors?

Neelix, what has happened to us?

I know what you mean.
I've been over it a thousand times.

- Why didn't we see this coming?
- Orphans! It's the oldest gambit.

If it was Harry, I could understand it,
he trusts everybody. But you and me?

We've dealt with many
shady characters.

I think maybe...
maybe we've lost our edge.

Hand me one of those terra-nuts.

- What are you doing?
- Proving you wrong.

The old shell game.
All we need now is a mark.

I think I see one coming.

You go ahead. I'll follow your lead.

Now, watch carefully.
I place the terra-nut under the cup.

Then I shuffle them.
Round and round they go.

Keep your eye on the nut, but be careful,
the hand is faster than the eye.

Now, for three hours of holodeck time,
can you tell me where is the terra-nut?

There. No.

- No, that one.
- I really thought I had you this time.

Keep trying, Neelix.
You'll fool me one of these days.

- This looks interesting. Can I try?
- Be my guest.

But, you'll have to wager something.

If I win, you take
three duty shifts in sickbay.

And if I win, you take
three shifts in the kitchen.

- Done.
- Ready?

Now, watch carefully.

Round and round they go.

Follow the nut if you can, but be careful,
the hand is faster than the eye.

- Careful, Doc. Try not to blink.
- Don't you worry.

You have to get up pretty early
to fool my optical subroutines.

- Where is it then?
- In your left palm.

- How did you...?
- Superior visual acuity.

See you in sickbay.

I'm detecting a vessel. The warp
signature matches the impostors' ship.

Harry, tell Tom his coffee break is over.

- Set a pursuit course.
- Yes, ma'am.

The torpedoes you gave me
are worthless.

- No better than plasma flares.
- Perhaps you didn't arm them properly.

The Polonians
told me to cease hostilities

or face destruction
at the hands of the Federation.

You allowed my enemies to join.

- Evidently the Federation decided that...
- Your Federation is a fraud.

- I demand reparations.
- You must submit a report to...

Enough. If you will not reimburse me,
I'll seize your ship.

Disable the beam.

- I can't.
- We have another problem. Voyager.

There's another ship next to the
impostors'. It has them in a tractor beam.

Hail both vessels.

- No response from either one.
- Let's get their attention. Mr Tuvok.

- Voyager's charging weapons.
- Perhaps we should surrender to them.

The Federation has a humane policy
regarding the treatment of prisoners...

Hail Varn again. Do it.

Look, Varn. Our mother ship's arrived.

- She's armed and ready to defend us.
- Tell them to stand down.

Release us or Voyager will destroy you.

- The other ship is hailing.
- On screen.

Stand down, Voyager.

I have no argument with you.
However, the other vessel...

I paid for my Federation membership.
The Delta Flyer belongs to me now.

- Sir, I think you've been misled.
- Yes, I have.

Three direct hits.
Shields down to 60%.

Target his tractor beam. Nobody's taking
the "Delta Flyer" except us.

- Lock onto them.
- Yes, ma'am.

- Now our tractor generator's off-line.
- Shields down to 41%.

The impostors' ship is powering engines.

Seven, transport everyone
on that vessel to the brig.

Locking onto three lifesigns.

Transporters are damaged.
I'm losing annular confinement.

Harry, reroute additional power.

- They're gone.
- Seven?

I only got one of them.

- Get us out of here, Mr Paris.
- Aye, Captain.

- Nice hair.
- It's not really my taste.

Posing as a Starfleet captain,
selling memberships to the Federation.

Too bad we didn't think of it, Tuvok.
We could've acquired a lot in six years.

Indeed.

- I have to admit, I'm impressed.
- I wish I could say the same.

The great Captain Janeway.
Somehow, I expected you to be... taller.

- I make a better you than you.
- I don't know. I'd say we're alike.

Resourceful, intelligent, ambitious.
But with just one tiny difference.

- And what is that?
- I'm not a liar and a thief.

You're going to tell me who you cheated
and what you did with their property.

Why would I do that?

If you don't,
I'm turning you over to Telsian security.

- Is that supposed to frighten me?
- What do you know about them?

Just that they're a more
gullible species than most.

Tell her about your research, Mr Tuvok.

- I beg your pardon, Captain?
- On Telsian law.

I think it's only fair that we
let our guest know what to expect.

The Telsian criminal justice system
is rather barbaric.

- Tell her about the prisons.
- Barely habitable.

Inmates often die of malnutrition
before they are brought to trial.

Torture is commonplace, as is disease,

including several
incurable forms of psoriasis.

I think she gets the general idea.

Suppose I do tell you.

How do I know you won't
turn me over to the Telsians anyway?

If you make full restitution
to your victims,

I'll give you safe passage
out of this area.

Is that a promise, Captain?

I know it's hard for you to believe,
but some of us tell the truth.

Give me the Delta Flyer and three days
to get as far away from here as I can.

- Then I'll send you the information.
- How naive do you think I am?

As far as the victims are concerned,
you're the one who cheated them.

Without my help, you'll be the one
who has a problem leaving this sector.

Tuvok.

Contact Telsian security.

Tell them we have
a prisoner to turn over.

- Psoriasis?
- I am not talented at improvisation.

I caught you off-guard.
Your performance was exemplary.

Thank you. Was your order
to call the Telsians part of the deception

or shall I actually contact them?

Not yet. Let's give Dala time
to think about those "barbaric" prisons.

- Do you believe she'll relent?
- I'm not sure. She's just as stubborn me.

- Do you have an alternative plan?
- I'm like you Tuvok.

Making it up as I go along.

The captain said bread and water,
but I didn't see any harm.

I'm not hungry.

I'll just leave it here...

...in case you change your mind.

May I ask you something?

Is it about your resemblance
the Redeemer of Light?

- I'm not that gullible.
- Then what?

Do you ever feel guilty?

Taking advantage of people
who think that you care about them.

You seem like a good person.
I'm sorry I lied to you.

Actually, I think you're
just sorry you got caught.

Probably.

There, now you're being honest.
I knew it was possible.

If you don't mind my asking,
why do you do what you do?

My father taught me most people
will exploit you if they can.

So, it's best to exploit them first.

You know, I used to be a lot like you.

Living by my wits.
Never trusting anyone.

Always trying to end up on
the more profitable side of a transaction.

And now you don't hesitate
to help starving orphans.

I changed. When Captain Janeway
made me part of her crew.

- I suppose you suddenly reformed.
- No, not right away.

At first I just exploited the opportunity
to get a warm bed, food, protection.

I kept waiting to find out
what the captain wanted in return.

But she never asked for a thing.

On the contrary.
She expected a great deal from me.

- Honesty, loyalty, hard work.
- I should've guessed.

But I discovered that those were
commodities I had in abundance.

And it was much more profitable
to share them than it was to be

self-serving and cynical all the time.

I'm happier than I've ever been.

- I suppose you think I could change too.
- Stranger things have happened.

Will she really give me
safe passage if I make restitution?

If that's what she promised you.

Then what?
I have never done anything else.

Captain Janeway let Seven of Nine
remain on board and she was Borg.

- Are you saying she'd do that for me?
- I'd be willing to talk to her.

I cheated you.
Why are you being so kind to me?

Like my great-grandmother used to say,
"It's nice to be nice."

Is that tea still warm?

I'm sorry, I'm so clumsy.

Security to the brig.

She's gone.

- It's not right to abandon her.
- Going back is too dangerous.

- She's our captain.
- She's not.

Even if she were, we can't rescue her.
We'd be captured too.

Without her, it will be hard
to continue our activities.

- It's too late for that.
- There must be a logical way...

What's logical is to get
as far away as we can.

There's a vessel approaching.
It's the Delta Flyer.

- Activate the shields.
- They're hailing.

- It's Captain Janeway.
- Our Janeway or theirs?

- Which one did you expect?
- I'm pleased to see you, Captain.

Lower the shields
so I can transport aboard.

- How did you escape?
- I'll tell you on board.

- I can't believe you weren't detected.
- You're accusing me?

...being cautious.
How do we know this isn't a deception?

Why would I try to deceive you?

To help Voyager capture us...

- Are we in position?
- Ready?

- Captain on the bridge.
- As you were.

Now. What about the bolomite
and the rest of our earnings?

- They're exactly where we left them.
- Let's get them and leave here.

- Set a course before Voyager finds us.
- You're not in command.

I just spent 24 hours in Voyager's brig.
I have no intention of going back.

- There are lifesigns on the Delta Flyer.
- That can't be.

- You brought them here.
- Don't be ridiculous.

Whoever it is must have stowed away.

- They're hailing.
- On screen.

This is Tom Paris from Voyager.
Prepare to be boarded.

- He's charging weapons.
- Evasive manoeuvres.

Let's get everything on board
as quickly as we can.

How many transport enhancers?

I have to think of everything?

We'll need at least ten to beam
all that bolomite through the geostrata.

- Maybe we should take 12.
- We?

Is there a problem?

In six years, I've never known you
to dirty your hands with menial labour.

- Well, there's a first time for everything.
- You don't trust us.

Who knows what you planned
while I was in Voyager's brig?

- As chief of security, I would never...
- It's all right.

- We'll all go together.
- After you.

The next populated sector
is 13 days from here.

When we arrive,
we'll trade the Delta Flyer for a new ship.

Voyager will never find us.

- Are the transport enhancers in place?
- That's the last one. We can go now.

If that's acceptable to you, Captain.

I'm afraid there's been
a change of plans.

I've found the stolen items, Captain.
Lock onto my coordinates.

- I said she couldn't be trusted.
- How can you deceive your officers?

Voyager, I repeat. I am in position.

- Can you get a lock?
- Negative. The geostratum is too dense.

Keep trying.

- Tuvok.
- Captain, I need assistance.

- Voyager, initiate transport now.
- You're not transporting anything.

Captain?

Voyager, please respond.

You're a sight for sore eyes.

- Commander Tuvok?
- The one and only.

Logic would indicate that
neither of us has the advantage.

Your logic is flawed.

Stay where you are.

What did they promise you
for betraying us?

I've believe you've mistaken me
for someone else.

- Where's Dala?
- I'm afraid she's currently indisposed.

I wouldn't get up too fast
if I were you, Captain.

It's going to take a few minutes
for the ambizine to wear off.

Captain's log, stardate 53849.2.

The stolen property
has been returned to the Telsians,

as well as vessels
from seven different worlds.

I hope that the reputation
of the Federation

will survive these recent events.

Round and round they go.
Follow the terra-nut if you can,

but remember, the hand is sharper
than your visual acuity.

I thought we'd already
disproved that theory.

You tell me.

The terra nut is up your right sleeve.

Sorry.

- That's impossible.
- The old "hand-off".

- Ooh.
- That's cheating.

We've still got it.