Star Trek: The Next Generation (1987–1994): Season 3, Episode 13 - Déjà Q - full transcript
Much to Picard's displeasure, Q reappears on the Enterprise, claiming to have been ejected from the Q Continuum, and therefore, lost his powers.
PICARD:
Captain's log, stardate 43539.1
We have moved into orbit
around Bre'el IV.
With the assistance of the planet's
emergency control center,
we're investigating
a catastrophic threat to the population
from a descending asteroidal moon.
[PANEL BEEPING]
The satellite's trajectory
is continuing to deteriorate, captain.
This orbit will put it within
500 kilometers of the planet's surface.
GARIN: We are predicting
the atmospheric drag
will bring it down on the next orbit.
Have you been able to find
any explanation for this?
No, doctor.
It is a most unusual phenomenon.
Won't the moon disintegrate
prior to impact?
No, it has a ferrous
crystalline structure
and it will be able to withstand
tidal forces, captain.
Could we blow it into pieces?
The total mass of the moon
would remain the same, commander.
And the impact
of thousands of fragments
would spread destruction
over an even wider area.
- How long before impact?
- Twenty-nine hours, sir.
Projecting it somewhere
on the western continent.
That would destroy an area
800 kilometers in radius.
That damage would be insignificant,
captain,
compared
to the seismic repercussions,
massive land quakes and tsunami.
The force would raise a cloud of dust
around the planet,
leading to a significant
temperature reduction.
We could be looking
at our own ice age.
Mr. La Forge, is there any way
that the Enterprise
could coax that satellite
back where it belongs?
We need to apply a delta-V
of about 4 kilometers per second.
Even with warp power
to the tractor beam,
it would mean exceeding the
recommended impulse engine output
by at least 47 percent.
It'd be like an ant pushing a tricycle.
A slim chance at best.
Given a choice between slim and none,
I'll take slim any day.
- Make it so.
- Lieutenant Worf?
Contact all ships in this sector to
rendezvous and join us in relief efforts.
We'll keep you advised
of our progress. Picard out.
Can you give us any more, Geordi?
LA FORGE: Not without burning out
the tractor beam emitter.
The circuits are already beyond
the thermal limit.
Delta-V is 92 meters per second.
The mass is too great.
We are having an effect,
but it is negligible.
[HIGH-PITCH WHIRRING]
- What is that?
DATA: Unable to identify source.
Impulse engines
passing safety limits.
We're seconds
from automatic shutdown.
Reduce engine power.
Tractor beam off.
Lieutenant Worf,
what the hell does the sensor say?
The sound is not registering,
commander.
Q.
Red alert.
PICARD:
Space, the final frontier.
These are the voyages
of the starship Enterprise.
Its continuing mission:
To explore strange new worlds,
to seek out new life
and new civilizations,
to boldly go where no one
has gone before.
PICARD:
Captain's log, supplemental.
We are no closer to a solution to the
deteriorating orbit of the Bre'el moon.
But with the arrival of Q,
we now have a good idea
of the cause.
Our options?
We've done everything by the book
and a little extra.
We need more time or power,
and we're short on both.
I'll take a look and see
if there are any rules I haven't broken.
Keep me informed.
We know you're behind this, Q.
These aren't my colors.
And what are you blathering about,
Riker?
What kind of twisted pleasure
does it give you
to bring terror into their lives?
- Whose lives?
- The millions of people down there
who are watching
as their moon falls out of the sky.
I haven't the vaguest idea
what you're talking about.
And I have a much more serious
problem.
I'm no longer a member
of the Continuum.
My superiors have decided
to punish me.
And punish us as well,
it would seem.
They say I've spread chaos
through the universe,
and they've stripped me
of all my powers.
You don't believe me, do you?
Do you think I would humiliate myself
like this?
If it served your purpose, yes.
It's the truth.
I stand before you defrocked.
Condemned to be a member
of this lowest of species.
A normal, imperfect,
lumpen human being.
They made you human
as part of your punishment?
No, it was my request.
I could have chosen to exist
as a Markoffian sea lizard
or a Belzoidian flea.
Anything I wished,
as long as it was mortal.
And since I had only
a fraction of a second to mull,
I chose this,
and asked them to bring me here.
- Why?
- Because in all the universe,
you are the closest thing
I have to a friend, Jean-Luc.
Sir, he is reading as fully human.
What, is there an echo in here?
I am sensing an emotional presence,
captain.
I would normally describe it
as being terrified.
How rude.
What is it you want, Q?
Your compassion.
All right. Sanctuary on this ship,
dreary as it may sound
to the both of us.
Return that moon to its orbit.
I have no powers. Q the ordinary.
Q the liar. Q the misanthrope.
Q the miserable. Q the desperate.
What must I do
to convince you people?
Die.
Oh, very clever, Worf.
Eat any good books lately?
Fine. You want to be treated
as human.
- Absolutely.
PICARD: All right.
Mr. Worf, throw him in the brig.
Delighted, captain.
You can't do this to me, Jean-Luc.
You will walk or I will carry you.
Given the option, I'll walk.
You've disappointed me, Jean-Luc.
I'm very disappointed.
Hey, I'm claustrophobic.
I don't like it in here.
It was a mistake.
I never should have picked human.
I knew it the moment I said it.
To think of a future in this shell.
Forced to cover myself with a fabric
because of some outdated
human morality.
To say nothing of being too hot
or too cold,
growing feeble with age,
losing my hair,
catching a disease,
being ticklish, sneezing,
having an itch, a pimple, bad breath.
Having to bathe.
Too bad.
Klingon. I should have said Klingon.
In my heart of hearts,
I am a Klingon, Worf.
Sorry.
So you understand,
I could never survive in confinement.
I mean, this is cruel
and unusual punishment.
The universe has been my backyard.
As a fellow Klingon, if you would speak
to the captain on my behalf,
I would be eternally grateful.
Which doesn't mean
as much as it used to.
Be quiet!
Or disappear back
where you came from.
I can't disappear any more
than you could win a beauty contest.
If I were to ask you
a very simple question,
do you think you might answer it
without it troubling your intellect much?
Ready? Here goes.
Would I permit you to lock me away
if I still had all my powers?
You have fooled us too often, Q.
Oh, perspicacity incarnate.
Please, don't feel compelled now
to tell me the story of the boy
who cried "Worf."
Computer, activate forcefield.
I demand to be let out of here,
do you hear me?
You'll deactivate this cell
immediately.
Romulan!
I should have said Romulan,
that Klingon goat.
The question is, what sort
of jaded game is he up to this time?
Maybe he just wants a big laugh.
He'll take Bre'el IV
to the edge of disaster,
and then pull the moon back.
Or he may have nothing to do with it
at all.
You honestly think
Q is telling the truth?
Oh, I agree this is highly unlikely.
But we have to proceed
with our current dilemma
as though Q is powerless
to prevent it, don't we?
- There he sits, he watches us struggle.
- I don't see that we have any choice.
Mr. Worf, will you hail the Bre'el IV
science station?
WORF [OVER COM]:
They're standing by, captain.
(BARN:
Yes, Captain Picard.
I'm sorry, but I have to report that
our first attempt to restore the moon
to its proper orbit has failed.
We have less than 25 hours
before impact, captain.
Our chief engineer is working on ways
to reinforce the tractor beam.
So there is a hope.
But if you have an evacuation plan...
We have already started
moving people from the coastal areas
of the western continent.
We are gonna make
another attempt shortly.
Picard out.
I've gotta tell you,
Geordi is not at all optimistic.
What the devil...?
Data?
Sensors are showing
broad-band emissions,
including Berthold rays.
- Lethal?
- No, commander.
Overall exposure
is less than 75 rems.
Very low intensity,
more like a soft medical scan.
I would speculate
we are being probed.
By whom?
Sensors cannot identify
the point of origin.
It seems to be coming
from all around us.
Aw, you've come to apologize.
How nice.
All's forgiven.
- No offense taken.
- Enough.
Q, what exactly is going on?
Well, how could I know
what's going on?
I've been in this dungeon of yours,
alone, helpless, bored to tears.
We have a moon
inexplicably falling out of orbit.
And just now this ship was probed
with Berthold radiation.
I wasn't aware of this.
Truthfully, Jean-Luc.
I have been entirely preoccupied
by a most frightening experience
of my own.
A couple of hours ago,
I realized that my body
was no longer functioning properly.
I felt weak. I could no longer stand.
The life was oozing out of me.
I lost consciousness.
You fell asleep.
Oh, terrifying.
How can you stand it day after day?
- You get used to it.
- What other dangers await me?
I'm not prepared for this.
I need guidance.
Q, I'm not gonna play along
with this.
If you want to continue this charade,
you can do it alone.
Jean-Luc, wait.
This is getting on my nerves,
now that I have them.
You have a moon
in a deteriorating orbit.
I've known moons
through the universe.
Big one, small ones. I'm an expert.
I could help you with this one,
if you'll let me out of here.
Q, there are millions of lives at risk.
- If you have the power...
- I don't have any powers.
But I have the knowledge,
locked up in this puny brain.
You cannot afford
to not take that advantage, can you?
Mr. Data, report to Detention Cell 3.
DATA [OVER COM]:
On my way, sir.
[SIGHS]
Computer, remove the forcefield.
If you are human,
which I seriously doubt,
you will have to work hard
to earn our trust.
I'm not worried about that, Jean-Luc.
You only dislike me.
There are others in the cosmos
who truly despise me.
Mr. Data, you are hereby assigned
to Q for the remainder of his stay.
You'll escort him to Mr. La Forge
in Engineering.
- Aye, sir.
Q: Can I have a Starfleet uniform?
What are you looking at?
I was considering the possibility
that you are telling the truth,
- that you really are human.
- It's the ghastly truth, Mr. Data.
I can now stub my toe
with the best of them.
An irony.
It means that you have achieved
in disgrace
what I have always aspired to be.
Humans are such commonplace
little creatures.
They roam the galaxy searching
for something they know not what.
The human race has
an enduring desire for knowledge,
and for new opportunities
to improve itself.
Well, there's certainly room for
improvement, but the truth is, Data,
they're a minor species
in the grand scheme.
Not worth your envy.
- Oh, I do not feel envy.
- Well, that's good.
I feel nothing at all.
That is part of my dilemma.
I have the curiosity of humans,
but there are questions
that I will never have the answers to.
What it is like to laugh or cry.
Or to experience
any human emotions.
Hmm. Well, if you ask me,
these human emotions
are not what they're cracked up
to be.
Hmm.
LA FORGE: The moon will hit
its perigee in ten hours.
Now, we match its trajectory,
increase emitter coolant rate
so that we can apply
continuous warp-equivalent power nine
to the tractor beam.
We can push it for nearly seven hours,
and I think that just might do it,
but there's a problem.
The Enterprise will be
dangerously close to the atmosphere.
- That's the problem.
- This is incredible.
- You see something here, Q?
- I think I just hurt my back.
I'm feeling pain. I don't like it.
What's the right thing to say? Ow?
DATA & LA FORGE: Ow.
- Ow!
I can't straighten up.
Medical assistance to Engineering.
Q, I've got a few people
down on Bre'el IV
- who are gonna be hurt...
- Yes.
Your marvelous plan
will not only tear the moon to pieces,
but your precious ship as well.
You got a better idea?
Well, I would certainly begin
by examining the cause
and not the symptom.
We've already done that.
There's no way to...
This is obviously the result
of a large celestial object
passing through at near-right angles
to the plane of the star system.
Probably a black hole.
Can you recommend a way
to counter the effect?
Simple. Change the gravitational
constant of the universe.
What?
Change the gravitational constant
of the universe,
thereby altering the mass
of the asteroid.
Redefine gravity.
And how am I supposed to do that?
You just do it. Agh!
Where is that doctor, anyway?
Geordi is trying to say
that changing the gravitational
constant of the universe
- is beyond our capabilities.
- Ow.
Well, in that case, never mind.
Ah. Dr. Crusher.
I see Starfleet has shipped you back
into exile.
Q says he has hurt his back.
Uh-huh.
Well, if I didn't see it with my own eyes,
I wouldn't believe it.
According to this,
he has classic back trauma.
Muscle spasms.
I've been under a lot of pressure lately.
Family problems.
Mm. Well, don't expect
too much sympathy from me.
You have been a pain in our backside
often enough.
[GROANING]
Your beside manner's admirable,
doctor.
I'm sure your patients recover quickly,
just to get away from you.
Aah!
You know, this might work.
We can't change the gravitational
constant of the universe,
but if we wrap a low-level warp field
around that moon,
we could reduce
its gravitational constant,
make it lighter so we can push it.
Glad I could help.
Ow.
I think.
Now what?
There's something wrong
with my stomach.
It hurts?
It's making noises.
Maybe you're hungry.
I've never eaten before.
What do I ask for?
The choice of meal is determined
by individual taste.
What do you like?
Although I do not require
sustenance,
I occasionally ingest
semi-organic nutrient suspension
in a silicon-based liquid medium.
Is it good?
It would be more appropriate to say
it is good for me,
as it lubricates my bio-functions.
It doesn't sound very appealing.
What else is there?
A wide variety of items.
The replicator can make anything
you desire.
How do I know what I desire?
I have observed
that the selection of food
is often influenced
by the mood of the person ordering.
I'm in a dreadful mood.
Get me something appropriate.
When Counselor Troi is unhappy,
she usually eats something chocolate.
- Chocolate?
- Mm.
A chocolate sundae, for example.
Although I do not speak
from personal experience,
I have seen it have a profound
psychological impact.
I'll have ten chocolate sundaes.
WOMAN:
Ten?
I have never seen anyone eat
ten chocolate sundaes.
I'm in a really bad mood.
And since I've never eaten before,
I should be very hungry.
[DOOR OPENS]
This is not a moment
I've been looking forward to.
I hear they drummed you
out of the Continuum.
I like to think of it
as a significant career change.
Just one of the boys, eh?
One of the boys with an IQ of 2,005.
The captain and many of the crew
are not yet convinced
he is truly human.
Really?
[YELLS]
Seems human enough to me.
[Q GROANS]
This is a dangerous creature.
You have no idea.
Why Picard would make her
a member of the crew and not me...
It must be terribly frightening for you
to be totally defenseless
after all of those centuries
of being omnipotent.
I'm warning you,
I still have friends in high places.
Frightening one race after the other,
teasing them like frightened animals,
and you enjoying every moment
of your victims' fears.
From now on,
I'll do missionary work, okay?
That would be a most noble cause,
Q.
You could learn a lot from this one.
Sure, the robot who teaches
the course in humanities.
I am an android, not a robot.
I beg your pardon.
I'd enjoy that,
and you better get used to it.
- What?
- Begging.
You're a pitiful excuse for a human.
The only way you're gonna survive
is on the charity of others.
Ugh. I'm not hungry.
[PANEL BEEPING]
Captain, sensors are picking up
a cloud of energetic plasma,
bearing 341, mark 20.
Range, 12 kilometers and closing.
On-screen.
Energy patterns are reading
as highly organized.
A life-form?
Attempt to make contact, Mr. Worf.
Receiving a signal, sir. On speaker.
[SCRAMBLED STATIC NOISE
OVER SPEAKER]
Computer, analyze signal.
COMPUTER:
Signal patterns indicate intelligence.
Unable to derive necessary referents
to establish translation matrix.
WOMAN: What's that?
MAN: I don't know.
Calamarain.
[CREW CHATTERING]
[Q GASPS]
Captain, we're being hit by a field
of energetic tachyons,
penetrating the hull.
Location, Deck 10, forward.
Red alert.
Geordi, increase power to shields.
LA FORGE [OVER COM]:
Increasing power by 20 percent.
No effect.
Increasing to 40 percent.
Still no effect.
Q:
Aah!
Adjusting shield harmonics,
diverting power to the forward grids.
The added harmonics
are blocking the tachyon field.
[Q GROANS]
Help me!
Somebody help me.
How the mighty have fallen.
PICARD:
Captain's log, supplemental.
We have sustained light damage
from an attack by an alien species
known as the Calamarain.
They apparently have a grievance
with Q.
No doubt one of many life-forms
that do.
The, uh, Calamarain
are not very hospitable creatures.
They exist as swirls of ionized gas.
What did you do to them, Q?
Oh, nothing bizarre.
Nothing grotesque.
You tormented them.
A subjective term, Riker.
One creature's torment
is another creature's delight.
They simply have no sense
of humor.
A character flaw
with which you can personally identify.
- I say we turn him over to them.
- Oh, well, I take it back.
You do have a sense of humor,
a dreadful one at that.
I'm serious.
Of course.
You knew this would happen,
didn't you?
One can never anticipate
the Calamarain.
They're very intelligent
but very flighty.
Yes, but you must have
so many enemies.
Certainly you knew that
if once you became mortal,
some of them might look you up.
- It had occurred to me.
- Mm-hm.
And for all your protestations
of friendship,
your real reason for being here
is protection.
[CHUCKLES]
You're very smart, Jean-Luc.
But I know human beings.
They're all sopping over
with compassion and forgiveness.
They can't wait to absolve
almost any offense.
It's an inherent weakness
of the breed.
On the contrary. It is a strength-.
You call it what you will,
but I think you'll protect me,
even though I've tormented you
now and again.
Fighting off all the species
which you've insulted
would be a full-time mission.
That's not the one I signed up for.
Indeed.
Human or not, I want no part of you.
We will deposit you at the first starbase.
Let them deal with you.
Uh, but I could be a valuable member
of the team.
I'm human. I can learn.
He has provided
important theoretical guidance
for Geordi's analysis
of the Bre'el satellite, captain.
It seems you have an advocate, Q.
I am merely stating a fact,
counselor.
Mr. La Forge, your status?
LA FORGE:
I've been putting together a program
to extend the forward lobe
of the warp field.
The field coils aren't designed
to envelop such a large volume,
but I'm attempting to modify
their alignment parameters.
DATA: Maintaining field integrity
will be difficult, Geordi.
Well, I'm pretty sure
that we can do it manually.
The moon will come to its perigee
in 14 minutes.
Mr. Data,
you will escort Q to Engineering.
You will assist Mr. La Forge.
Mr. Worf,
hail the Bre'el IV science station.
WORF:
Aye, sir.
Picard thinks I can't cut it
on his starship.
I can do anything
his little trained minions can do.
I do not perceive your skills
to be in doubt, Q.
The captain is merely concerned
with your ability
to successfully interact
with his little trained minions.
Human interpersonal relationships
are more complex.
Your experience may not have
adequately prepared you.
I'm not interested
in human interpersonal relationships.
I just want to prove to Picard
that I'm indispensable.
Engineering.
To function aboard a starship,
or in any human activity,
you must learn to form relationships.
Ugh, it's so hard.
And of more immediate importance
is your ability to work within groups.
I'm not good in groups.
It's difficult to work in a group
when you're omnipotent.
The tides reached 10 meters
on the fast orbit.
They are already beginning
to swell again.
We have a lot of frightened people
down here, captain.
Your moon has begun moving
toward its perigee.
We're preparing to make
our attempt.
Our population has already
taken shelter.
But I'm afraid no shelter
will be adequate if you fail.
Especially for the people
on the western continent.
Whatever the results,
we know you've done your best,
Picard.
It's appreciated.
We'll keep you advised, doctor.
Picard out.
Captain, sensors are picking up
an increased energy output
from the Calamarain.
LA FORGE [OVER COM]:
La Forge to Bridge.
The moon has reached
its minimum orbital distance.
It's time, captain.
- We'll have to lower shields.
- Proceed.
Mr. Worf, keep a close eye
on Q's friends out there.
Understood.
All right, everyone,
this is what we're going to be doing.
Q, everybody already knows
what they're going to do except for you.
- Now here's what I need...
- La Forge,
obviously my knowledge
and experience far exceeds yours,
by about a billion times.
So if you'll just step aside,
gracefully.
Q, your experience
will be most valuable to me
if you can manually control
the field integrity.
Don't be foolish.
That would be a waste of my talents.
Q, get to the controls
or get the hell out of here.
Data, you're my liaison to the Bridge.
I'll need you with me.
Who does he think he is,
giving me orders?
Geordi thinks he is in command here.
And he is correct.
Engineering, holding at station keeping.
Range, 640 meters.
DATA [OVER COM]:
Containment fields to flight tolerance.
Warp core to 90 percent.
Engage field coils.
Tractor beam to stand by.
Field output?
Field output?
Two-seventeen.
Impulse engines to full.
Ready to engage tractor beam.
Lowering shields.
Engage tractor beam.
Extending warp field forward.
PICARD [OVER COM]:
Engineering, is that the forward limit?
Yes, captain. We are unable
to encompass the entire moon.
PICARD:
Do you recommend that we proceed?
The two parts of the moon
will have different inertial densities.
Stand by, captain.
I can adjust the field symmetry
to compensate.
I doubt it.
You don't know what this ship can do,
mister.
Yes, captain, I still believe it'll work.
Increasing power
to warp field and tractor beam.
And if you're wrong,
the moon will crumble
due to subspace compression.
- Don't say I didn't warn you.
- Shut up, Q.
I will not be spoken to
in this manner.
Data.
Q, I strongly suggest
that you cooperate.
Inertial mass of the moon
is decreasing
to approximately
2.5 million metric tons.
It is working. We can move it.
Firing impulse engines.
DATA: Captain, the moon's trajectory
has moved 0.3 percent, 0.4 percent.
Emergency. Shields up.
Disengage tractor beam.
Calamarain attacking.
[RED ALERT SOUNDING]
Shields holding.
Tachyon field repelled.
LA FORGE: Captain,
the impact of the blast is pushing us
into the upper atmosphere.
Hull temperature rising,
2,000 degrees, 2,500 degrees.
LA FORGE:
Moving to full impulse power.
Calamarain resuming attack.
[RUMBLING]
They've overpowered the shields.
Hull penetration, Deck 36,
Engineering.
Geordi, can you direct any more power
to the shields?
We need all the power we have to get
out of the atmosphere, commander.
[WHIRRING]
Aah! Aah! Aah!
No, no, no.
[Q YELLING]
- Try activating structural integrity field.
- Yes, sir.
It's not working.
Structural field harmonics on manual.
RIKER [OVER COM]: La Forge, hull
temperature falling. We're in the clear.
Diverting power
to forward sections now.
[Q YELLS]
[CREW CHATTERING]
LA FORGE: That charge
nearly knocked out his positronic net.
What can you do for him?
We can try to discharge
and reset the motor pathways,
recouple the autonomic nodes.
There's overpressure
in his fluidic systems.
Thermal shock.
If he was mortal, he'd be dead.
Well, let's not overstate
the matter here, doctor.
I'm mortal and I survived.
The cheers are overwhelming.
Q, you exceed your own standards
of self-preoccupation.
You have no concern for an officer
who may have saved your life.
He's strong, he'll survive.
LA FORGE:
Osmotic pressure still rising.
Maybe we can bypass
the flow regulator.
It would be helpful
if everybody just got out of here now.
PICARD:
Stay with Q.
- Geordi?
- Mm.
The moon's trajectory.
All we did was buy ourselves
another orbit, at most.
We can try again when the moon
comes back to its perigee.
And when we drop our shields,
the Calamarains go after Q again.
Commander, he's not worth it.
[DOOR CHIMES]
Come.
You're right, of course.
I'm extraordinarily selfish.
But it has served me so well
in the past.
It will not serve you here.
Don't be so hard on me, Jean-Luc.
You've been a mortal all your life.
You know all about dying.
I've never given it a second thought.
Or a first one, for that matter.
I could have been killed.
If it hadn't been for Data
and that one brief delay he created,
I would have been gone.
No more me.
And no one would have missed me,
would they?
Data may have sacrificed himself
for me.
Why?
That is his special nature.
He learned the lessons
of humanity well.
When I ask myself
if I would have done the same for him,
and I am forced to answer no,
I feel...
I feel ashamed.
Q, I'm not your father confessor.
You will receive no absolution
from me.
You have brought nothing
but pain and suffering to this crew.
And I'm still not entirely convinced
that all this isn't your latest attempt
at a puerile joke.
It is a joke.
Joke on me, joke of the universe.
The king who would be man.
As I learn more and more
what it is to be human,
I am more and more convinced
that I would never make a good one.
I don't have what it takes.
Without my powers,
I'm frightened of everything.
I'm a coward.
And I'm miserable.
And I can't go on this way.
[DOOR OPENS THEN CLOSES]
He's going to be all right.
We're recalibrating
his language circuits,
so he can't talk yet.
There are creatures in the universe
who would consider you
the ultimate achievement, android.
No feelings, no emotions, no pain.
And yet you covet
those qualities of humanity.
Believe me, you're missing nothing.
But if it means anything to you,
you're a better human than I.
Where's the main shuttlebay?
COMPUTER:
Main shuttlebay is located on Deck 4.
Take me there.
Captain, an unscheduled shuttle
has just been launched.
On main viewer.
- Hailing frequency.
- Frequencies open.
Shuttle occupant, identify yourself.
Don't try and talk me out of it,
Jean-Luc.
Q, return to the ship immediately.
I just can't get used
to following orders.
Captain.
The plasma cloud is moving
toward the shuttle.
It's easier this way.
They won't bother you after I'm gone.
Engineering,
prepare to extend shields.
Please, don't fail back
on your tired cliché
of charging to the rescue
just in the nick of time.
I don't want to be rescued.
My life as a human being
has been a dismal failure.
Perhaps my death
will have a little dignity.
Q, there is no dignity in this suicide.
Yes, I suppose you're right.
Death of a coward then, so be it.
But as a human,
I would have died of boredom.
This goes against
my better judgment.
Transporter Room 3,
log on to Shuttle 1.
Beam it back into its bay.
TRANSPORT CHIEF [OVER COM]:
Aye, captain.
It's a perfectly good shuttlecraft.
TRANSPORT CHIEF:
Captain, unable to transport.
For some reason,
I can't lock on to the shuttlecraft.
Worf, are you sensing
any interference from the Calamarain?
No, sir. But they are still moving
toward the shuttle.
Geordi, extend shields
around Shuttle 1.
LA FORGE [OVER COM]:
Extending shields.
Commander, the shields are frozen.
RIKER:
Cause?
Unknown.
RIKER:
Lock on tractor beam.
Tractor beam is not functioning
either.
What the hell is going on?
Q2:
Not bad, Q.
Not great.
Ah. But not bad.
Q.
Ha!
Sacrificing yourself
for these humans?
Do I detect a little selfless act?
You flatter me.
I was only trying to put a quick end
to a miserable existence.
Ugh.
- What a dreadful color.
- Yeah.
What are you doing here?
Oh.
I've been keeping track of you.
I always thought
you were in my corner.
Ha, no, no. See, actually,
I was the one who got you kicked out.
You know, you're incorrigible, Q,
you're a lost cause.
I can't go to a single solar system
without having to apologize for you,
and I'm tired of it.
I wasn't the one who misplaced
the entire Deltived asteroid belt.
Hey. This isn't about me.
I got better places to be.
Somebody had to keep an eye on you
to make sure you still didn't find a way
to cause trouble.
Even as a member of this, hmm,
limited species.
Well, I hope
I've been entertaining you.
Barely.
But I find these humans
rather interesting.
I'm beginning to understand
what you see in them.
After all the things that you've done,
they're still intent on keeping you safe.
A genetic weakness of the race.
And they're still at it.
They just tried to, um,
beam you up, back,
whatever it is they call it.
- Really?
- I stopped them.
Well, if the Calamarains hurry up
and finish me off,
- we can get you back on your way.
- Afraid I had to put them on hold too.
You see, there's still this matter
of the selfless act.
Now you and I both know
the Calamarain would have eventually
destroyed the Enterprise
to get to you.
And that's really why you left, right?
It was a teeny bit selfless, wasn't it?
Ah! Yeah. And there's my problem.
I can't go back to the Continuum
and tell them you committed
a selfless act before the end.
If I do, there's gonna be questions,
there's gonna be explanations
for centuries.
I've learned my lesson, Q.
Remember who you're talking to.
All-knowing, all-seeing.
Hmm, fine. Hmm.
You got your powers back.
Try and stay out of trouble.
So they wanted to destroy me,
did they?
If you think I tormented you in the past,
my little friends,
wait until you see
what I do with you now.
Q2:
Q.
I was just seeing
if you were still watching.
Captain,
the aliens have disappeared.
And so has the shuttle.
- Scan the sector.
- I have, sir.
Well, I suppose that is the end of Q.
[Q SPEAKS IN FRENCH]
[IN ENGLISH]
He's back.
[PLAYING CHEERFUL
MARIACHI MUSIC]
I'm forgiven.
My brothers and sisters
of the Continuum have taken me back.
I'm immortal again,
omnipotent again.
Swell.
Don't fret, Riker.
My good fortune
is your good fortune.
I don't need your fantasy women.
Oh, you're so stolid.
You weren't like that before the beard.
[SIGHS]
Very well.
- Q!
- But I feel like celebrating.
I don't!
All right.
All of it.
[GROANS]
Now, at the risk of being rude...
Yes, once again,
I've overstayed my welcome.
As a human,
I was ill-equipped to thank you.
But as myself,
you have my everlasting gratitude.
Until next time.
Ah, but before I go,
there's a debt I wish to repay
to my professor of the humanities.
Data, I've decided to give you
something very, very special.
If your intention
is to make me human, Q...
No, no, no, no, no, no.
I would never curse you
by making you human.
Think of it as a going away present.
[SNICKERING]
[LAUGHING HYSTERICALLY]
LA FORGE:
Data?
Data, why are you laughing?
I do not know.
But it was a wonderful feeling.
[PANEL BEEPING]
Captain, Bre'el IV is hailing us.
On-screen, lieutenant.
Captain Picard, you've done it.
I'm sorry?
The moon.
It's back to its normal orbit.
However you did it, thank you.
Let's see it, Worf.
Mr. Data, your analysis.
The moon's altitude
is 55,000 kilometers,
projected orbit is circular.
There is no further danger
to the planet.
Ensign.
- Set course for Station Nigala IV.
ENSIGN: Aye, sir.
Perhaps there's a residue of humanity
in Q after all.
Ensign, en...
Don't bet on it, Picard.
Captain's log, stardate 43539.1
We have moved into orbit
around Bre'el IV.
With the assistance of the planet's
emergency control center,
we're investigating
a catastrophic threat to the population
from a descending asteroidal moon.
[PANEL BEEPING]
The satellite's trajectory
is continuing to deteriorate, captain.
This orbit will put it within
500 kilometers of the planet's surface.
GARIN: We are predicting
the atmospheric drag
will bring it down on the next orbit.
Have you been able to find
any explanation for this?
No, doctor.
It is a most unusual phenomenon.
Won't the moon disintegrate
prior to impact?
No, it has a ferrous
crystalline structure
and it will be able to withstand
tidal forces, captain.
Could we blow it into pieces?
The total mass of the moon
would remain the same, commander.
And the impact
of thousands of fragments
would spread destruction
over an even wider area.
- How long before impact?
- Twenty-nine hours, sir.
Projecting it somewhere
on the western continent.
That would destroy an area
800 kilometers in radius.
That damage would be insignificant,
captain,
compared
to the seismic repercussions,
massive land quakes and tsunami.
The force would raise a cloud of dust
around the planet,
leading to a significant
temperature reduction.
We could be looking
at our own ice age.
Mr. La Forge, is there any way
that the Enterprise
could coax that satellite
back where it belongs?
We need to apply a delta-V
of about 4 kilometers per second.
Even with warp power
to the tractor beam,
it would mean exceeding the
recommended impulse engine output
by at least 47 percent.
It'd be like an ant pushing a tricycle.
A slim chance at best.
Given a choice between slim and none,
I'll take slim any day.
- Make it so.
- Lieutenant Worf?
Contact all ships in this sector to
rendezvous and join us in relief efforts.
We'll keep you advised
of our progress. Picard out.
Can you give us any more, Geordi?
LA FORGE: Not without burning out
the tractor beam emitter.
The circuits are already beyond
the thermal limit.
Delta-V is 92 meters per second.
The mass is too great.
We are having an effect,
but it is negligible.
[HIGH-PITCH WHIRRING]
- What is that?
DATA: Unable to identify source.
Impulse engines
passing safety limits.
We're seconds
from automatic shutdown.
Reduce engine power.
Tractor beam off.
Lieutenant Worf,
what the hell does the sensor say?
The sound is not registering,
commander.
Q.
Red alert.
PICARD:
Space, the final frontier.
These are the voyages
of the starship Enterprise.
Its continuing mission:
To explore strange new worlds,
to seek out new life
and new civilizations,
to boldly go where no one
has gone before.
PICARD:
Captain's log, supplemental.
We are no closer to a solution to the
deteriorating orbit of the Bre'el moon.
But with the arrival of Q,
we now have a good idea
of the cause.
Our options?
We've done everything by the book
and a little extra.
We need more time or power,
and we're short on both.
I'll take a look and see
if there are any rules I haven't broken.
Keep me informed.
We know you're behind this, Q.
These aren't my colors.
And what are you blathering about,
Riker?
What kind of twisted pleasure
does it give you
to bring terror into their lives?
- Whose lives?
- The millions of people down there
who are watching
as their moon falls out of the sky.
I haven't the vaguest idea
what you're talking about.
And I have a much more serious
problem.
I'm no longer a member
of the Continuum.
My superiors have decided
to punish me.
And punish us as well,
it would seem.
They say I've spread chaos
through the universe,
and they've stripped me
of all my powers.
You don't believe me, do you?
Do you think I would humiliate myself
like this?
If it served your purpose, yes.
It's the truth.
I stand before you defrocked.
Condemned to be a member
of this lowest of species.
A normal, imperfect,
lumpen human being.
They made you human
as part of your punishment?
No, it was my request.
I could have chosen to exist
as a Markoffian sea lizard
or a Belzoidian flea.
Anything I wished,
as long as it was mortal.
And since I had only
a fraction of a second to mull,
I chose this,
and asked them to bring me here.
- Why?
- Because in all the universe,
you are the closest thing
I have to a friend, Jean-Luc.
Sir, he is reading as fully human.
What, is there an echo in here?
I am sensing an emotional presence,
captain.
I would normally describe it
as being terrified.
How rude.
What is it you want, Q?
Your compassion.
All right. Sanctuary on this ship,
dreary as it may sound
to the both of us.
Return that moon to its orbit.
I have no powers. Q the ordinary.
Q the liar. Q the misanthrope.
Q the miserable. Q the desperate.
What must I do
to convince you people?
Die.
Oh, very clever, Worf.
Eat any good books lately?
Fine. You want to be treated
as human.
- Absolutely.
PICARD: All right.
Mr. Worf, throw him in the brig.
Delighted, captain.
You can't do this to me, Jean-Luc.
You will walk or I will carry you.
Given the option, I'll walk.
You've disappointed me, Jean-Luc.
I'm very disappointed.
Hey, I'm claustrophobic.
I don't like it in here.
It was a mistake.
I never should have picked human.
I knew it the moment I said it.
To think of a future in this shell.
Forced to cover myself with a fabric
because of some outdated
human morality.
To say nothing of being too hot
or too cold,
growing feeble with age,
losing my hair,
catching a disease,
being ticklish, sneezing,
having an itch, a pimple, bad breath.
Having to bathe.
Too bad.
Klingon. I should have said Klingon.
In my heart of hearts,
I am a Klingon, Worf.
Sorry.
So you understand,
I could never survive in confinement.
I mean, this is cruel
and unusual punishment.
The universe has been my backyard.
As a fellow Klingon, if you would speak
to the captain on my behalf,
I would be eternally grateful.
Which doesn't mean
as much as it used to.
Be quiet!
Or disappear back
where you came from.
I can't disappear any more
than you could win a beauty contest.
If I were to ask you
a very simple question,
do you think you might answer it
without it troubling your intellect much?
Ready? Here goes.
Would I permit you to lock me away
if I still had all my powers?
You have fooled us too often, Q.
Oh, perspicacity incarnate.
Please, don't feel compelled now
to tell me the story of the boy
who cried "Worf."
Computer, activate forcefield.
I demand to be let out of here,
do you hear me?
You'll deactivate this cell
immediately.
Romulan!
I should have said Romulan,
that Klingon goat.
The question is, what sort
of jaded game is he up to this time?
Maybe he just wants a big laugh.
He'll take Bre'el IV
to the edge of disaster,
and then pull the moon back.
Or he may have nothing to do with it
at all.
You honestly think
Q is telling the truth?
Oh, I agree this is highly unlikely.
But we have to proceed
with our current dilemma
as though Q is powerless
to prevent it, don't we?
- There he sits, he watches us struggle.
- I don't see that we have any choice.
Mr. Worf, will you hail the Bre'el IV
science station?
WORF [OVER COM]:
They're standing by, captain.
(BARN:
Yes, Captain Picard.
I'm sorry, but I have to report that
our first attempt to restore the moon
to its proper orbit has failed.
We have less than 25 hours
before impact, captain.
Our chief engineer is working on ways
to reinforce the tractor beam.
So there is a hope.
But if you have an evacuation plan...
We have already started
moving people from the coastal areas
of the western continent.
We are gonna make
another attempt shortly.
Picard out.
I've gotta tell you,
Geordi is not at all optimistic.
What the devil...?
Data?
Sensors are showing
broad-band emissions,
including Berthold rays.
- Lethal?
- No, commander.
Overall exposure
is less than 75 rems.
Very low intensity,
more like a soft medical scan.
I would speculate
we are being probed.
By whom?
Sensors cannot identify
the point of origin.
It seems to be coming
from all around us.
Aw, you've come to apologize.
How nice.
All's forgiven.
- No offense taken.
- Enough.
Q, what exactly is going on?
Well, how could I know
what's going on?
I've been in this dungeon of yours,
alone, helpless, bored to tears.
We have a moon
inexplicably falling out of orbit.
And just now this ship was probed
with Berthold radiation.
I wasn't aware of this.
Truthfully, Jean-Luc.
I have been entirely preoccupied
by a most frightening experience
of my own.
A couple of hours ago,
I realized that my body
was no longer functioning properly.
I felt weak. I could no longer stand.
The life was oozing out of me.
I lost consciousness.
You fell asleep.
Oh, terrifying.
How can you stand it day after day?
- You get used to it.
- What other dangers await me?
I'm not prepared for this.
I need guidance.
Q, I'm not gonna play along
with this.
If you want to continue this charade,
you can do it alone.
Jean-Luc, wait.
This is getting on my nerves,
now that I have them.
You have a moon
in a deteriorating orbit.
I've known moons
through the universe.
Big one, small ones. I'm an expert.
I could help you with this one,
if you'll let me out of here.
Q, there are millions of lives at risk.
- If you have the power...
- I don't have any powers.
But I have the knowledge,
locked up in this puny brain.
You cannot afford
to not take that advantage, can you?
Mr. Data, report to Detention Cell 3.
DATA [OVER COM]:
On my way, sir.
[SIGHS]
Computer, remove the forcefield.
If you are human,
which I seriously doubt,
you will have to work hard
to earn our trust.
I'm not worried about that, Jean-Luc.
You only dislike me.
There are others in the cosmos
who truly despise me.
Mr. Data, you are hereby assigned
to Q for the remainder of his stay.
You'll escort him to Mr. La Forge
in Engineering.
- Aye, sir.
Q: Can I have a Starfleet uniform?
What are you looking at?
I was considering the possibility
that you are telling the truth,
- that you really are human.
- It's the ghastly truth, Mr. Data.
I can now stub my toe
with the best of them.
An irony.
It means that you have achieved
in disgrace
what I have always aspired to be.
Humans are such commonplace
little creatures.
They roam the galaxy searching
for something they know not what.
The human race has
an enduring desire for knowledge,
and for new opportunities
to improve itself.
Well, there's certainly room for
improvement, but the truth is, Data,
they're a minor species
in the grand scheme.
Not worth your envy.
- Oh, I do not feel envy.
- Well, that's good.
I feel nothing at all.
That is part of my dilemma.
I have the curiosity of humans,
but there are questions
that I will never have the answers to.
What it is like to laugh or cry.
Or to experience
any human emotions.
Hmm. Well, if you ask me,
these human emotions
are not what they're cracked up
to be.
Hmm.
LA FORGE: The moon will hit
its perigee in ten hours.
Now, we match its trajectory,
increase emitter coolant rate
so that we can apply
continuous warp-equivalent power nine
to the tractor beam.
We can push it for nearly seven hours,
and I think that just might do it,
but there's a problem.
The Enterprise will be
dangerously close to the atmosphere.
- That's the problem.
- This is incredible.
- You see something here, Q?
- I think I just hurt my back.
I'm feeling pain. I don't like it.
What's the right thing to say? Ow?
DATA & LA FORGE: Ow.
- Ow!
I can't straighten up.
Medical assistance to Engineering.
Q, I've got a few people
down on Bre'el IV
- who are gonna be hurt...
- Yes.
Your marvelous plan
will not only tear the moon to pieces,
but your precious ship as well.
You got a better idea?
Well, I would certainly begin
by examining the cause
and not the symptom.
We've already done that.
There's no way to...
This is obviously the result
of a large celestial object
passing through at near-right angles
to the plane of the star system.
Probably a black hole.
Can you recommend a way
to counter the effect?
Simple. Change the gravitational
constant of the universe.
What?
Change the gravitational constant
of the universe,
thereby altering the mass
of the asteroid.
Redefine gravity.
And how am I supposed to do that?
You just do it. Agh!
Where is that doctor, anyway?
Geordi is trying to say
that changing the gravitational
constant of the universe
- is beyond our capabilities.
- Ow.
Well, in that case, never mind.
Ah. Dr. Crusher.
I see Starfleet has shipped you back
into exile.
Q says he has hurt his back.
Uh-huh.
Well, if I didn't see it with my own eyes,
I wouldn't believe it.
According to this,
he has classic back trauma.
Muscle spasms.
I've been under a lot of pressure lately.
Family problems.
Mm. Well, don't expect
too much sympathy from me.
You have been a pain in our backside
often enough.
[GROANING]
Your beside manner's admirable,
doctor.
I'm sure your patients recover quickly,
just to get away from you.
Aah!
You know, this might work.
We can't change the gravitational
constant of the universe,
but if we wrap a low-level warp field
around that moon,
we could reduce
its gravitational constant,
make it lighter so we can push it.
Glad I could help.
Ow.
I think.
Now what?
There's something wrong
with my stomach.
It hurts?
It's making noises.
Maybe you're hungry.
I've never eaten before.
What do I ask for?
The choice of meal is determined
by individual taste.
What do you like?
Although I do not require
sustenance,
I occasionally ingest
semi-organic nutrient suspension
in a silicon-based liquid medium.
Is it good?
It would be more appropriate to say
it is good for me,
as it lubricates my bio-functions.
It doesn't sound very appealing.
What else is there?
A wide variety of items.
The replicator can make anything
you desire.
How do I know what I desire?
I have observed
that the selection of food
is often influenced
by the mood of the person ordering.
I'm in a dreadful mood.
Get me something appropriate.
When Counselor Troi is unhappy,
she usually eats something chocolate.
- Chocolate?
- Mm.
A chocolate sundae, for example.
Although I do not speak
from personal experience,
I have seen it have a profound
psychological impact.
I'll have ten chocolate sundaes.
WOMAN:
Ten?
I have never seen anyone eat
ten chocolate sundaes.
I'm in a really bad mood.
And since I've never eaten before,
I should be very hungry.
[DOOR OPENS]
This is not a moment
I've been looking forward to.
I hear they drummed you
out of the Continuum.
I like to think of it
as a significant career change.
Just one of the boys, eh?
One of the boys with an IQ of 2,005.
The captain and many of the crew
are not yet convinced
he is truly human.
Really?
[YELLS]
Seems human enough to me.
[Q GROANS]
This is a dangerous creature.
You have no idea.
Why Picard would make her
a member of the crew and not me...
It must be terribly frightening for you
to be totally defenseless
after all of those centuries
of being omnipotent.
I'm warning you,
I still have friends in high places.
Frightening one race after the other,
teasing them like frightened animals,
and you enjoying every moment
of your victims' fears.
From now on,
I'll do missionary work, okay?
That would be a most noble cause,
Q.
You could learn a lot from this one.
Sure, the robot who teaches
the course in humanities.
I am an android, not a robot.
I beg your pardon.
I'd enjoy that,
and you better get used to it.
- What?
- Begging.
You're a pitiful excuse for a human.
The only way you're gonna survive
is on the charity of others.
Ugh. I'm not hungry.
[PANEL BEEPING]
Captain, sensors are picking up
a cloud of energetic plasma,
bearing 341, mark 20.
Range, 12 kilometers and closing.
On-screen.
Energy patterns are reading
as highly organized.
A life-form?
Attempt to make contact, Mr. Worf.
Receiving a signal, sir. On speaker.
[SCRAMBLED STATIC NOISE
OVER SPEAKER]
Computer, analyze signal.
COMPUTER:
Signal patterns indicate intelligence.
Unable to derive necessary referents
to establish translation matrix.
WOMAN: What's that?
MAN: I don't know.
Calamarain.
[CREW CHATTERING]
[Q GASPS]
Captain, we're being hit by a field
of energetic tachyons,
penetrating the hull.
Location, Deck 10, forward.
Red alert.
Geordi, increase power to shields.
LA FORGE [OVER COM]:
Increasing power by 20 percent.
No effect.
Increasing to 40 percent.
Still no effect.
Q:
Aah!
Adjusting shield harmonics,
diverting power to the forward grids.
The added harmonics
are blocking the tachyon field.
[Q GROANS]
Help me!
Somebody help me.
How the mighty have fallen.
PICARD:
Captain's log, supplemental.
We have sustained light damage
from an attack by an alien species
known as the Calamarain.
They apparently have a grievance
with Q.
No doubt one of many life-forms
that do.
The, uh, Calamarain
are not very hospitable creatures.
They exist as swirls of ionized gas.
What did you do to them, Q?
Oh, nothing bizarre.
Nothing grotesque.
You tormented them.
A subjective term, Riker.
One creature's torment
is another creature's delight.
They simply have no sense
of humor.
A character flaw
with which you can personally identify.
- I say we turn him over to them.
- Oh, well, I take it back.
You do have a sense of humor,
a dreadful one at that.
I'm serious.
Of course.
You knew this would happen,
didn't you?
One can never anticipate
the Calamarain.
They're very intelligent
but very flighty.
Yes, but you must have
so many enemies.
Certainly you knew that
if once you became mortal,
some of them might look you up.
- It had occurred to me.
- Mm-hm.
And for all your protestations
of friendship,
your real reason for being here
is protection.
[CHUCKLES]
You're very smart, Jean-Luc.
But I know human beings.
They're all sopping over
with compassion and forgiveness.
They can't wait to absolve
almost any offense.
It's an inherent weakness
of the breed.
On the contrary. It is a strength-.
You call it what you will,
but I think you'll protect me,
even though I've tormented you
now and again.
Fighting off all the species
which you've insulted
would be a full-time mission.
That's not the one I signed up for.
Indeed.
Human or not, I want no part of you.
We will deposit you at the first starbase.
Let them deal with you.
Uh, but I could be a valuable member
of the team.
I'm human. I can learn.
He has provided
important theoretical guidance
for Geordi's analysis
of the Bre'el satellite, captain.
It seems you have an advocate, Q.
I am merely stating a fact,
counselor.
Mr. La Forge, your status?
LA FORGE:
I've been putting together a program
to extend the forward lobe
of the warp field.
The field coils aren't designed
to envelop such a large volume,
but I'm attempting to modify
their alignment parameters.
DATA: Maintaining field integrity
will be difficult, Geordi.
Well, I'm pretty sure
that we can do it manually.
The moon will come to its perigee
in 14 minutes.
Mr. Data,
you will escort Q to Engineering.
You will assist Mr. La Forge.
Mr. Worf,
hail the Bre'el IV science station.
WORF:
Aye, sir.
Picard thinks I can't cut it
on his starship.
I can do anything
his little trained minions can do.
I do not perceive your skills
to be in doubt, Q.
The captain is merely concerned
with your ability
to successfully interact
with his little trained minions.
Human interpersonal relationships
are more complex.
Your experience may not have
adequately prepared you.
I'm not interested
in human interpersonal relationships.
I just want to prove to Picard
that I'm indispensable.
Engineering.
To function aboard a starship,
or in any human activity,
you must learn to form relationships.
Ugh, it's so hard.
And of more immediate importance
is your ability to work within groups.
I'm not good in groups.
It's difficult to work in a group
when you're omnipotent.
The tides reached 10 meters
on the fast orbit.
They are already beginning
to swell again.
We have a lot of frightened people
down here, captain.
Your moon has begun moving
toward its perigee.
We're preparing to make
our attempt.
Our population has already
taken shelter.
But I'm afraid no shelter
will be adequate if you fail.
Especially for the people
on the western continent.
Whatever the results,
we know you've done your best,
Picard.
It's appreciated.
We'll keep you advised, doctor.
Picard out.
Captain, sensors are picking up
an increased energy output
from the Calamarain.
LA FORGE [OVER COM]:
La Forge to Bridge.
The moon has reached
its minimum orbital distance.
It's time, captain.
- We'll have to lower shields.
- Proceed.
Mr. Worf, keep a close eye
on Q's friends out there.
Understood.
All right, everyone,
this is what we're going to be doing.
Q, everybody already knows
what they're going to do except for you.
- Now here's what I need...
- La Forge,
obviously my knowledge
and experience far exceeds yours,
by about a billion times.
So if you'll just step aside,
gracefully.
Q, your experience
will be most valuable to me
if you can manually control
the field integrity.
Don't be foolish.
That would be a waste of my talents.
Q, get to the controls
or get the hell out of here.
Data, you're my liaison to the Bridge.
I'll need you with me.
Who does he think he is,
giving me orders?
Geordi thinks he is in command here.
And he is correct.
Engineering, holding at station keeping.
Range, 640 meters.
DATA [OVER COM]:
Containment fields to flight tolerance.
Warp core to 90 percent.
Engage field coils.
Tractor beam to stand by.
Field output?
Field output?
Two-seventeen.
Impulse engines to full.
Ready to engage tractor beam.
Lowering shields.
Engage tractor beam.
Extending warp field forward.
PICARD [OVER COM]:
Engineering, is that the forward limit?
Yes, captain. We are unable
to encompass the entire moon.
PICARD:
Do you recommend that we proceed?
The two parts of the moon
will have different inertial densities.
Stand by, captain.
I can adjust the field symmetry
to compensate.
I doubt it.
You don't know what this ship can do,
mister.
Yes, captain, I still believe it'll work.
Increasing power
to warp field and tractor beam.
And if you're wrong,
the moon will crumble
due to subspace compression.
- Don't say I didn't warn you.
- Shut up, Q.
I will not be spoken to
in this manner.
Data.
Q, I strongly suggest
that you cooperate.
Inertial mass of the moon
is decreasing
to approximately
2.5 million metric tons.
It is working. We can move it.
Firing impulse engines.
DATA: Captain, the moon's trajectory
has moved 0.3 percent, 0.4 percent.
Emergency. Shields up.
Disengage tractor beam.
Calamarain attacking.
[RED ALERT SOUNDING]
Shields holding.
Tachyon field repelled.
LA FORGE: Captain,
the impact of the blast is pushing us
into the upper atmosphere.
Hull temperature rising,
2,000 degrees, 2,500 degrees.
LA FORGE:
Moving to full impulse power.
Calamarain resuming attack.
[RUMBLING]
They've overpowered the shields.
Hull penetration, Deck 36,
Engineering.
Geordi, can you direct any more power
to the shields?
We need all the power we have to get
out of the atmosphere, commander.
[WHIRRING]
Aah! Aah! Aah!
No, no, no.
[Q YELLING]
- Try activating structural integrity field.
- Yes, sir.
It's not working.
Structural field harmonics on manual.
RIKER [OVER COM]: La Forge, hull
temperature falling. We're in the clear.
Diverting power
to forward sections now.
[Q YELLS]
[CREW CHATTERING]
LA FORGE: That charge
nearly knocked out his positronic net.
What can you do for him?
We can try to discharge
and reset the motor pathways,
recouple the autonomic nodes.
There's overpressure
in his fluidic systems.
Thermal shock.
If he was mortal, he'd be dead.
Well, let's not overstate
the matter here, doctor.
I'm mortal and I survived.
The cheers are overwhelming.
Q, you exceed your own standards
of self-preoccupation.
You have no concern for an officer
who may have saved your life.
He's strong, he'll survive.
LA FORGE:
Osmotic pressure still rising.
Maybe we can bypass
the flow regulator.
It would be helpful
if everybody just got out of here now.
PICARD:
Stay with Q.
- Geordi?
- Mm.
The moon's trajectory.
All we did was buy ourselves
another orbit, at most.
We can try again when the moon
comes back to its perigee.
And when we drop our shields,
the Calamarains go after Q again.
Commander, he's not worth it.
[DOOR CHIMES]
Come.
You're right, of course.
I'm extraordinarily selfish.
But it has served me so well
in the past.
It will not serve you here.
Don't be so hard on me, Jean-Luc.
You've been a mortal all your life.
You know all about dying.
I've never given it a second thought.
Or a first one, for that matter.
I could have been killed.
If it hadn't been for Data
and that one brief delay he created,
I would have been gone.
No more me.
And no one would have missed me,
would they?
Data may have sacrificed himself
for me.
Why?
That is his special nature.
He learned the lessons
of humanity well.
When I ask myself
if I would have done the same for him,
and I am forced to answer no,
I feel...
I feel ashamed.
Q, I'm not your father confessor.
You will receive no absolution
from me.
You have brought nothing
but pain and suffering to this crew.
And I'm still not entirely convinced
that all this isn't your latest attempt
at a puerile joke.
It is a joke.
Joke on me, joke of the universe.
The king who would be man.
As I learn more and more
what it is to be human,
I am more and more convinced
that I would never make a good one.
I don't have what it takes.
Without my powers,
I'm frightened of everything.
I'm a coward.
And I'm miserable.
And I can't go on this way.
[DOOR OPENS THEN CLOSES]
He's going to be all right.
We're recalibrating
his language circuits,
so he can't talk yet.
There are creatures in the universe
who would consider you
the ultimate achievement, android.
No feelings, no emotions, no pain.
And yet you covet
those qualities of humanity.
Believe me, you're missing nothing.
But if it means anything to you,
you're a better human than I.
Where's the main shuttlebay?
COMPUTER:
Main shuttlebay is located on Deck 4.
Take me there.
Captain, an unscheduled shuttle
has just been launched.
On main viewer.
- Hailing frequency.
- Frequencies open.
Shuttle occupant, identify yourself.
Don't try and talk me out of it,
Jean-Luc.
Q, return to the ship immediately.
I just can't get used
to following orders.
Captain.
The plasma cloud is moving
toward the shuttle.
It's easier this way.
They won't bother you after I'm gone.
Engineering,
prepare to extend shields.
Please, don't fail back
on your tired cliché
of charging to the rescue
just in the nick of time.
I don't want to be rescued.
My life as a human being
has been a dismal failure.
Perhaps my death
will have a little dignity.
Q, there is no dignity in this suicide.
Yes, I suppose you're right.
Death of a coward then, so be it.
But as a human,
I would have died of boredom.
This goes against
my better judgment.
Transporter Room 3,
log on to Shuttle 1.
Beam it back into its bay.
TRANSPORT CHIEF [OVER COM]:
Aye, captain.
It's a perfectly good shuttlecraft.
TRANSPORT CHIEF:
Captain, unable to transport.
For some reason,
I can't lock on to the shuttlecraft.
Worf, are you sensing
any interference from the Calamarain?
No, sir. But they are still moving
toward the shuttle.
Geordi, extend shields
around Shuttle 1.
LA FORGE [OVER COM]:
Extending shields.
Commander, the shields are frozen.
RIKER:
Cause?
Unknown.
RIKER:
Lock on tractor beam.
Tractor beam is not functioning
either.
What the hell is going on?
Q2:
Not bad, Q.
Not great.
Ah. But not bad.
Q.
Ha!
Sacrificing yourself
for these humans?
Do I detect a little selfless act?
You flatter me.
I was only trying to put a quick end
to a miserable existence.
Ugh.
- What a dreadful color.
- Yeah.
What are you doing here?
Oh.
I've been keeping track of you.
I always thought
you were in my corner.
Ha, no, no. See, actually,
I was the one who got you kicked out.
You know, you're incorrigible, Q,
you're a lost cause.
I can't go to a single solar system
without having to apologize for you,
and I'm tired of it.
I wasn't the one who misplaced
the entire Deltived asteroid belt.
Hey. This isn't about me.
I got better places to be.
Somebody had to keep an eye on you
to make sure you still didn't find a way
to cause trouble.
Even as a member of this, hmm,
limited species.
Well, I hope
I've been entertaining you.
Barely.
But I find these humans
rather interesting.
I'm beginning to understand
what you see in them.
After all the things that you've done,
they're still intent on keeping you safe.
A genetic weakness of the race.
And they're still at it.
They just tried to, um,
beam you up, back,
whatever it is they call it.
- Really?
- I stopped them.
Well, if the Calamarains hurry up
and finish me off,
- we can get you back on your way.
- Afraid I had to put them on hold too.
You see, there's still this matter
of the selfless act.
Now you and I both know
the Calamarain would have eventually
destroyed the Enterprise
to get to you.
And that's really why you left, right?
It was a teeny bit selfless, wasn't it?
Ah! Yeah. And there's my problem.
I can't go back to the Continuum
and tell them you committed
a selfless act before the end.
If I do, there's gonna be questions,
there's gonna be explanations
for centuries.
I've learned my lesson, Q.
Remember who you're talking to.
All-knowing, all-seeing.
Hmm, fine. Hmm.
You got your powers back.
Try and stay out of trouble.
So they wanted to destroy me,
did they?
If you think I tormented you in the past,
my little friends,
wait until you see
what I do with you now.
Q2:
Q.
I was just seeing
if you were still watching.
Captain,
the aliens have disappeared.
And so has the shuttle.
- Scan the sector.
- I have, sir.
Well, I suppose that is the end of Q.
[Q SPEAKS IN FRENCH]
[IN ENGLISH]
He's back.
[PLAYING CHEERFUL
MARIACHI MUSIC]
I'm forgiven.
My brothers and sisters
of the Continuum have taken me back.
I'm immortal again,
omnipotent again.
Swell.
Don't fret, Riker.
My good fortune
is your good fortune.
I don't need your fantasy women.
Oh, you're so stolid.
You weren't like that before the beard.
[SIGHS]
Very well.
- Q!
- But I feel like celebrating.
I don't!
All right.
All of it.
[GROANS]
Now, at the risk of being rude...
Yes, once again,
I've overstayed my welcome.
As a human,
I was ill-equipped to thank you.
But as myself,
you have my everlasting gratitude.
Until next time.
Ah, but before I go,
there's a debt I wish to repay
to my professor of the humanities.
Data, I've decided to give you
something very, very special.
If your intention
is to make me human, Q...
No, no, no, no, no, no.
I would never curse you
by making you human.
Think of it as a going away present.
[SNICKERING]
[LAUGHING HYSTERICALLY]
LA FORGE:
Data?
Data, why are you laughing?
I do not know.
But it was a wonderful feeling.
[PANEL BEEPING]
Captain, Bre'el IV is hailing us.
On-screen, lieutenant.
Captain Picard, you've done it.
I'm sorry?
The moon.
It's back to its normal orbit.
However you did it, thank you.
Let's see it, Worf.
Mr. Data, your analysis.
The moon's altitude
is 55,000 kilometers,
projected orbit is circular.
There is no further danger
to the planet.
Ensign.
- Set course for Station Nigala IV.
ENSIGN: Aye, sir.
Perhaps there's a residue of humanity
in Q after all.
Ensign, en...
Don't bet on it, Picard.