Star Trek: The Next Generation (1987–1994): Season 2, Episode 18 - Up The Long Ladder - full transcript

[GRUNTING]

Number One, will you join me
in the Ready Room?

Yes, sir.

[GRUNTS AND SIGHS]

PICARD: I've just come from
a meeting with Admiral Moore.

He wanted to discuss this.

[BEEPING]

Recognize it?

Sounds like it might be an SOS.

Good guess.

You're quicker
than starbase research.



It took them hours to determine
that this was a distress beacon.

- When was it detected?
- Last month.

Just kicked in without any warning.

- Who used the beacon?
- It's Terran.

Captain, I'm familiar
with most Earth codes and--

Mm-hm. Interesting.

Yes, that code
hasn't been used in centuries.

- What was its origin point?
- Ficus sector.

I don't think there's any record
of an Earth colony in that area.

Well, now we know
there's someone out there.

And they're asking for help.

But who?

Let's try and find out.

Computer, download all information
regarding signal beacon



from starbase mainframe.

COMPUTERIZED VOICE:
Distress beacon used

by the European Hegemony.

The European Hegemony?

A loose alliance formed
in the early part of the 22nd century.

It was the first stirrings
of world government.

You should read more history,
Number One.

Computer, locate the exact dates

in which this signal beacon
was in general use.

Old Earth calendar, 2123 until 2190.

No extraterrestrial source
ever used this code?

Negative.

Computer, locate all Earth
deep-space launches

from 2123 until 2190

with the destination in or near
the Ficus sector.

Working.

- Nothing for Ficus.
- Hm.

- Damn it, who's out there?
- Lost sheep.

Let's go see if we can find them.

Medical emergency.
Dr. Pulaski to the Bridge.

PICARD: What happened?
DATA: He just collapsed, sir.

PICARD:
Space, the final frontier.

These are the voyages
of the starship Enterprise.

Its continuing mission:
to explore strange new worlds,

to seek out new life
and new civilizations,

to boldly go where no one
has gone before.

PICARD:
Captain's log, stardate 42823.2.

We're departing from Starbase 73

to investigate the source
of a mysterious distress signal.

Meanwhile, my security officer
remains in Sickbay

where Dr. Pulaski is searching
for the cause of his collapse.

WORF:
I am fine.

- You're not fine. You fainted.
- I did not faint.

Klingons do not faint.

Excuse me. I'll rephrase.

This Klingon suffered
a dramatic drop in blood pressure,

his blood-glucose level dropped.

There was deficient blood flow
resulting from circulatory failure.

In other words,
he curled up his toes

and lay unconscious on the floor.

Doctor, there is no need to insult me.

Worf, I am worried.

Now, something is wrong.
Klingons don't faint.

[WORF GRUNTS]

Forgive me, I just can't think
of another word that applies.

- You're sick.
- Klingons do not give in to illness--

Just stay right where you are.

I have to check something
with the computer.

[COMPUTER BEEPING]

[PULASKI SIGHS]

Lieutenant, you have ropach n'gor.

- But that is a childhood ailment.
- Yes.

How shall I live down
the humiliation?

- Worf, you can't help--
- Still,

for a warrior to find himself
in such a situation.

So you've got
the Klingon version of the measles.

How would Commander Riker feel
if he had the measles?

Pretty silly.

PICARD [OVER COM]:
Dr. Pulaski, how is Lieutenant Worf?

He's in no danger.

Uh, Worf was, um, just observing
a Klingon ritual involving fasting.

And he didn't take into account

that you have to decrease
your physical activity

as you decrease your caloric intake.

Pulaski out.

Thank you.

I am in your debt.

[SIGHS]

Come.

Captain, I have been considering
the problem of the missing ship.

Although there is no record
of a launch to the Ficus sector,

which would not be unusual
considering the chaos

of the early 22nd century,
someone had to load that ship.

The manifest.

Yes, sir.

[BEEPING]

There itis.

SS Mariposa.

Loaded 27th November 2123,

destination, Ficus sector.

Captain Walter Granger
commanding.

Mariposa.
The Spanish word for "butterfly."

Thank you, Data.

I thought it might be significant, sir.

- It doesn't appear to be, Data.
- No, sir.

You learn a lot about people
from their luggage.

Two hundred and twenty-five
Yoshimitsu computers,

five monitor beacon satellites,
700 cellular com links,

- 50 spinning wheels.
- Spinning wheels?

- Cattle, chickens, pigs.
- Accessing.

A device used
for spinning yarn or thread

which consists of a large hand-
or foot-driven wheel...

Why would anyone carry
such an insane mix of cargo?

- ...a thin, rounded, tapering rod.
- Data.

Perhaps they were planning
for the worst, sir.

Theorize, Data.
Give me some background.

In the early 22nd century,

Earth was recovering
from World War Ill.

A major philosopher
of the time was Liam Dieghan,

founder of the
Neo-Transcendentalists,

who advocated
a return to a simpler life

in which one lived in harmony
with nature

and learned under
her gentle tutelage.

Thank you, Data.

[PICARD SIGHS]

But if this was a ship
full of utopians,

why carry all this
technological baggage?

I have insufficient information upon
which to form a cogent theory, sir.

WORF:
Doctor?

I wish to thank you
for protecting my...

Your secret is safe with me.

Worf, I'm honored.

No one has ever performed
the Klingon Tea Ceremony for me.

- There. That should do it.
- You know the ceremony?

I understand the externals,
not the mysteries.

I'm not a Klingon.

You must not drink the tea.
It is deadly to humans.

And none too good for Klingons.

It is a test of bravery, of one's ability
to look at the face of mortality.

It is also a reminder that death
is an experience best shared.

Like the tea.

Worf, you're a romantic.

It is among the Klingons that love
poetry achieves its fullest flower.

Hold that thought.

Antidote.

If we're going to share, let's share.

Now, quote me a little of that poetry.

PICARD: Initiate sensor sweeps.
- Aye, sir.

[BEEPING]

The system's sun has entered
a period of severe flare activity.

Now we know what triggered
the SOS.

Class-M readings
from the fifth planet in the system.

- Take us in.
- Shields at maximum.

[COMPUTER BEEPING]

Sensors indicate
human life form readings

30 meters below
the planet's surface.

Hailing on all frequencies.

[COMPUTER BEEPING]

No response so far.

But the flares may be interfering
with communications.

DATA: There is no evidence of
an advanced communication network.

They brought a lot of technology.
Where is it?

There is no artificial power source
on the planet.

The stellar flares are increasing
in magnitude and frequency.

Computer projections indicate
they will brush the planet in 3.6 hours.

Evacuation will be difficult.

We can lower our shields
for transport only between the flares.

Captain, these people have
been isolated for 300 years.

They could be very unsophisticated.

The shock of being suddenly
transported onto a spaceship

could frighten them,
to say the least.

Mm. Your point
is well-taken, counselor.

Number One,

- you're gonna have to go down there.
- On my way.

PICARD:
Captain's log, stardate 42827.3.

Commander Riker
has reached the caverns,

where he is making preparations
to begin the evacuation.

What's the situation, Number One?

RIKER [OVER COM]: There are
roughly 200 people down here.

- Their condition?
- Surprisingly good.

Are they willing to leave?

- Yes, but--
- Well, get them up here.

I'm having a little debate
with the colony's leader. It seems--

There's no time, Number One.
Initiate the transport.

- But, sir--
- Whatever the problem,

we'll handle it up here.

Aye, aye, sir. We're on our way.
All of us. Riker out.

First load ready, Mr. O'Brien.

Energizing.

[ROOSTER CROWING]

[GOATS BLEATING]

[CHICKENS CLUCKING]

Captain, you better get somebody
down here.

Right away.

[SQUEALING]

Down you go.

[CHATTERING]

Take the pig out there, will you?
Very good.

Very good.

[SIGHS]

O'Brien, I think that third wave
should be in position.

- O'Brien?
O'BRIEN: Shoo, damn you.

Shoo, shoo.

Aye, sir.

[CLUCKING]

[CHATTERING]

[DOOR CLOSES]

[PICARD SIGHS]

Oh, O'Brien, is it, hm? I should have
known it would be a good Irishman,

who was running this ship.

[O'BRIEN CLEARS THROAT]

What the devil is going on here,
Number One?

Ah, Captain Picard, is it?

Oh, the man who makes decisions
for me and mine,

without so much
as a "by your leave."

This is my security chief,
Lieutenant Worf.

[GULPS]

I don't suppose security
is much of a problem for you.

Uh, Danilo Odell, sir, at your service.

PICARD:
What are these animals doing here?

I'm sorry, sir.

It was either this or arguing
until hell froze over.

Captain Picard, sir, we can't leave
our animals here to die.

Besides, how could we build our future
without our animals?

All right.

Chief O'Brien, transport this group
directly to Cargo Hold 7.

And beam the remaining refugees
from the planet directly to that hold.

Yes, sir.

Right, lads. Everybody back
onto the infernal machine.

RIKER:
All right. Everybody up here.

Uh, captain, captain.

It was very good of you, sir,
to rescue us from our troubles.

- My pleasure.
- Yes.

Sir, you must be worth quite a bit
to own a fine ship like this.

I don't own the Enterprise,
I command her.

Oh, whatever.

Uh, sir, would you happen
to be married?

- No. Why?
- No.

Uh, well, you see, sir,
I have a daughter.

Felicitations.

- Uh, would you be interested, sir?
- No.

- You're quite sure?
- Quite sure.

[WORF GRUNTS]

He's quite sure.

PICARD: What's the total?
- Two hundred and twenty-three.

Count on two more
in the next few days.

Set course for the nearest starbase.

You know, they were anachronistic
in 2123.

It will be interesting to see
how they cope.

They'll learn and adapt.

If Danilo Odell is any indication,
they'll be running this place in a week.

[ALARM WAILING]

Lieutenant Worf here, report.

MAN [OVER COM]:
Fire in Cargo Hold 7.

The Bringloidi.

What have they done
to my ship now?

Keep the area clear.

- Report.
- Fire has been contained.

- No damage.
- Unseal the doors.

[BEEPING]

My God, Picard,
the place is a bloody death trap.

Lightning bolts
falling from the ceiling.

- What the hell was that thing?
- Automated fire system.

A force field contains the flame

until the remaining oxygen
has been consumed.

DANILO: Ah. What if I had
been under that thing?

WORF: You would have been
standing in the fire.

Yeah, leaving that aside
for the moment,

I mean,
what would have happened to me?

- You would have suffocated and died.
- Yeah, sweet mercy.

BRENNA:
Oh, there you are.

Your hospitality leaves
a hell of a lot to be desired.

You don't offer us a bite or a sup,
and when we build a fire to cook,

the whole place goes mad.

I, um... My apologies.

I was unaware that
you had not been instructed in the...

The use of the food dispensers.

And what are you staring at?
You never seen a woman before?

I thought I had.

Uh, commander, may I present
my daughter, Brenna Odell.

Pleased to meet you, ma'am.

You may have all the time
in the world.

I've dozens of frightened and hungry
children and women to look after.

And what about the men?

I'm sure they'll find their comfort
as they always do,

in the bottom of a mug
of home brew.

[DANILO CHUCKLES]

Oh, pay no heed, commander.
No, she's a fine girl.

She's not usually as sharp-tongued
as that.

Dad-o!

RIKER:
Sir?

- Ha-ha-ha.
- That's the last thing I expected.

Sometimes, Number One,

you just have to bow to the absurd.

Uh, captain, captain. Sir, sir.

How did the ship sense the fire?

Uh, well, the ship's computers--

Computer?

The ship's computers
sense a localized increase.

BRENNA: Men always talking
when there's work to be done.

And shouldn't you be flying this ship
or whatever it is you do?

Shh.

Sir, I think I'll stay
and give her some help.

That isn't necessary.

The ship will clean itself.

Well, good for the bloody ship.

Tell me, Commander Riker,

where does a girl go
to wash her feet on this ship?

As the first officer,
I feel it's my responsibility

to show you all the amenities.

She is very much
like a Klingon woman.

Uh, captain, captain, captain,
there's just one other thing.

It slipped my mind
in all the hustle and the bustle.

The point, Mr. Odell.

Yeah, well, in all your travels,

have you heard anything
from the other colony?

The other colony?

PICARD:
Captain's log, supplemental.

A review of stellar charts
has revealed a Class-M planet

only half a light year
from the Bringloid system.

I am proceeding on the premise that
it was the destination of the colony

which possessed
the more sophisticated equipment.

[BRENNA SCOFFS]

William Riker, you're a mess.

Oh, you don't have to do that.

And if I don't, who will?

I can see why your father
wants to marry you off.

Oh. And why is that?

So he can have a pipe
and a mug of beer in peace.

You've shown me so many wonders
on your great ship

but there's still one thing
you haven't shown me.

What's that?

I'm still waiting to wash my feet.

Right behind that door.

- William, is something wrong?
- What do you mean?

Do you not like girls?

Of course I do.

Oh, is there a special technique
to this foot washing?

You generally start at the top
and work your way down.

I think I can handle that.

Mm. I was hoping you might.

[CHATTERING]

WORF: You sent for me?
- Ah...

Yes, yes.

Ahem. Now, we're brewing poteen
but we need to find a way to heat it

without this bloody ship
firing bloody lightning bolts at us.

You can obtain spirituous liquors
from the food dispensers.

Uh-uh. Oh, no, no.

It's not that synthehol bilge
that O'Brien offered me, is it?

No. If you wish,
it can be real alcohol.

- Good.
- With all the deleterious effects intact.

Oh, sure. As it should be, yes.

Oh, you see, lad,
every moment of pleasure in life

has to be purchased
by an equal moment of pain.

Whiskey.

[SNIFFS]

Terrible.

It has no bite.

Chech'tluth.

[SNIFFS]

[WHEEZES]

Ooh... Now that's what I call
a wee drop of the creature.

Father!

Remember what I said about
the moment of pain?

Well, it is about to begin.

[WHEEZING]
Hello, my darling.

Oh, "my darling," is it?
I might have known.

Are you drunk yet or can you talk
with Dr. Pulaski about the children?

[IN NORMAL VOICE]
What about them?

She wants to send them to school
with the ship's children.

[WHEEZING]
Oh, what do you think?

I think it's a good idea.

So go handle it.

Oh.

And I'm sure there's something
you can be doing with your time.

- And as for you...
- What?

Why did you have to tell them
this magic wall

can give them more
than meat and potatoes?

Now we'll never get work
out of them.

Madam, have you ever considered
a career in security?

If it's anything like babysitting,
I'm an authority.

[WOMEN LAUGHING]

PICARD:
Captain's log, supplemental.

We are approaching
the Class-M planet

where we hope to find
the other colonists.

[COMPUTER BEEPING]

Signal from the planet, captain.

On-screen.

This is Captain Jean-Luc Picard
of the USS Enterprise,

representing
the United Federation of Planets.

This is wonderful. Welcome, captain.

I am Wilson Granger,
prime minister of Mariposa.

No doubt a descendant
of Captain Walter Granger.

Not quite a descendant.

We feared Earth
had suffered some catastrophe

when no one came back
to check on us.

I'm afraid the truth is
you got lost in the bureaucracy.

But despite the lateness of our arrival,
we're here now.

And we're eager to renew ties.

Splendid.

Please, come down

and allow us to extend our hospitality
to you and your crew.

Thank you.

Form an away team, Number One.

I would urge caution.

RIKER:
Caution? What's wrong?

He's hiding something.

RIKER:
We'll check it out. Mr. Worf?

Dr. Pulaski, join us in
Transporter Room 3 for an away detail.

Welcome to Mariposa.

I'm Victor Granger,
minister of health.

Commander William Riker.
Dr. Pulaski, Lieutenant Worf.

A pleasure.
I'll escort you to the prime minister.

This way, please.

Twin brothers?

GRANGER:
Your arrival really is serendipitous.

PULASKI:
Oh, how so?

GRANGER: Well, uh, perhaps I'll let
the prime minister explain that.

Triplets?

Worf, there is something damn odd
going on here.

Quadruplets.

Doctor, is your title
scientific or medical?

- Medical.
- Ah. Excellent.

Is there some medical problem
we should know about?

- Uh, I think it best if the...
- Prime minister explains that.

- Somehow I thought you might.
- Yes, excuse me.

Gentlemen?

Please, follow me.

This way, please.

Doctor.

Welcome to Mariposa.

Dr. Katherine Pulaski.

This is my chief of staff,
Elizabeth Vallis.

Tell me, is your entire population
made up of clones, prime minister?

Clones?

Clones?

Clones.

PICARD:
Captain's log, supplemental.

Prime Minister Granger
has requested an urgent meeting

fo discuss the future
of the Mariposan colony.

I have invited him to the Enterprise.

Captain, we need your help.

Three hundred years ago,
during our landing on Mariposa,

the skin of our ship was breached.

Only five of the colonists survived.

The progenitors weren't willing
to just give up and die,

and they were scientists...

PICARD: So they used that expertise
and turned to cloning.

Yes.

We had no other option.

Two women and three men
represented an insufficient gene pool

from which to build a society.

Well, how did you suppress
the natural sexual drive?

Drugs? Punitive laws?

In the beginning,
uh, a little bit of each.

Now, after 300 years,

the entire concept
of sexual reproduction

is a little repugnant to us.

Well, how did you overcome
the problem of replicative fading?

We haven't.

You have got a problem.

Wait, I don't understand
replicative fading.

Each time you clone,
you're making a copy of a copy.

Subtle errors creep
into the chromosomes

and eventually you end up
with a non-viable clone.

How can we help you?

We need an infusion of fresh DNA.

I was hoping that you would be willing
to share some tissue samples.

You want to clone us?

Yes.

No way. Not me.

But how could
you possibly be harmed?

It's not a question of harm.

One William Riker is unique,
perhaps even special.

But a hundred of him,
a thousand of him,

diminishes me in ways
I can't even imagine.

You would be preserving yourself.

Human beings have other ways
of doing that.

We have children.

I think you will find
that attitude prevalent

among all the Enterprise people.

I see.

Well, if you are not willing
to share your DNA,

will you at least send some people to
repair our malfunctioning equipment?

Yes, of course. Number One,
put a technical team together.

- Let's get these repairs under way.
- Yes, sir.

Lieutenant La Forge,

prepare a technical support away team,
meet me in Transporter Room 3.

Captain, with your permission,
I would like to return to the planet.

It could be my last opportunity
to study replicative fading.

Uh, with your permission, of course,
Mr. Prime Minister.

You would be most welcome.

Perhaps you will find a solution
that we have overlooked.

Well, I appreciate the compliment
but I don't think that's very likely.

And repairing that equipment
will certainly not solve your problems.

What other solution do we have?

Doctor, remember,
there are only five of us.

PICARD:
Captain's log, supplemental.

Commander Riker and Dr. Pulaski
have returned to Mariposa

with a team
of Enterprise technicians.

The repairs are almost complete.

I wish there was something more
we could do.

Are you sure you won't reconsider?

- About the cloning?
- Yes.

Out of the question.

Excuse me, sir, I was, uh...

I was looking for Commander Riker.

I'm afraid I haven't seen him.

LA FORGE: Dr. Pulaski?
- Sorry, I can't help you.

Well, I guess I'll just
have to hunt for them.

Sorry to disturb you.

Hey.

What happened to you
down on Mariposa?

Is everything all right?

- Is there any reason it shouldn't be?
- Yeah.

Every time I asked where you were,
some clone lied to me.

Lied to you?

Commander, with this I can see better
than your average person.

Now, when someone lies, there are
certain physiological manifestations.

Variations in blush response,
pupil dilation, pulse, breath rate.

It doesn't always work with aliens,
but humans? I've got them nailed.

The clones lied
about our whereabouts?

LA FORGE:
Mm-hm.

I don't remember
anything happening.

I was working in their medical facility

and got a call to report
to Granger's office.

- I ran into Will on the way--
- Now wait a minute.

Granger said that
he hadn't seen either one of you.

Now, did you make it to his office?

I think...

I don't remember.

[BEEPING]

So, what's the prognosis, doc?

Geordi, you'll be pleased to know

that you're not missing
any epithelial cells.

- Great.
- Will and I, however, are.

Meaning?

Although you can clone
from any cell in the body,

the cells lining the stomach
are the best choice

because they're relatively
undifferentiated.

LA FORGE: Where are you going?
- To their cloning lab.

GRANGER:
Stop.

- Murderers.
- Like hell. You're a damn thief.

Gentlemen, please.

GRANGER:
What else could we do?

We asked for your help
and you refused us.

We're desperate. Desperate.

That gave you the right to assault us?
To rob--?

We have the right to survive.

Doctor, how desperate
is the colony's situation?

Well, they've got
two or three generations

and then the fading will be terminal.

They're among the walking dead now.
They just haven't been buried.

I want the cloning equipment
inspected.

Who knows how many
tissue samples were stolen.

We certainly have a right to exercise
control over our own bodies.

You'll get no argument from me.

I know the Mariposan culture
seems alien, even frightening,

but, really,
we do have much in common.

They're human beings
fighting for survival.

Would we do any less?

Are you saying we should give them
the DNA samples they require?

That's just postponing the inevitable.

If they get an infusion
of fresh DNA,

in 15 generations they'll just go back
to the same problems.

Cloning isn't the answer.
What they need is breeding stock.

- The Bringloidi.
- Yes.

They have the energy and drive.

And the clones possess the emotional
maturity and the technical knowledge.

They started out together.
It seems only

fitting they should end up together.

It's a match made in heaven.

Unfortunately, it'll have to be
a shotgun wedding.

I'm sorry, captain,
it's out of the question.

You're trying to dump
your problems on us.

We have problems of our own.

Don't you understand?
The Bringloidi can help you.

Look at him.

How could we ever integrate that
into our society?

You're no prize yourself.

Primitive, hostile, disruptive.

It would require enormous effort
to even educate them.

Oh, forget it, Captain Picard.

I'm not gonna come in here
with my hat in my hand,

begging charity
from this blatherskite.

Now stop.

I will not allow posturing and bigotry
to destroy this meeting.

Now, please, sit down.

Now,

Commander Riker has asked

that your laboratories be inspected
for stolen tissue samples

and I understand his concern.

We may have to transport all your
equipment here to the Enterprise.

I see.

When reason fails,
you'll resort to blackmail.

Fine. Destroy yourselves.

PULASKI:
It's not so bad, captain.

In 50 years we'll have
a new Class-M planet,

complete with cities
and ready for colonization.

You see, the end is closer
than you like to think.

I don't know.
There are so many difficulties.

Look, man, we are decent,
hard-working people. Heh.

We're willing to learn.

They're so different.

It is the differences
that have made us strong.

For 300 years we have denied
the carnal side of our nature.

How can we learn to put that aside?

Well, ahem, you put
a young couple together

and you let nature take its course.

Now, if this is going to work,

you're going to have to alter
your society too.

Monogamous marriage will not be
possible for several generations.

I don't quite understand.

Thirty couples are enough to create
a viable genetic base.

But the broader the base,
the healthier and the safer the society.

So it will be best if each woman,

Bringloidi and Mariposan,

had at least three children
by three different men.

I-- Uh--

I think I could handle that, yes.

Oh, God, it's so...

Frightening?

Repugnant.

So it's a done deal, eh?

Heh. And here's my hand on it.

[CHUCKLES]

Right. Well, now let's go and stake out
my three women.

Send in the clones.

I must be out of my mind.

Ha-ha-ha. Starfleet
will probably agree with you.

[CHATTERING]

[ANIMALS MAKING SOUNDS]

Excuse me, sir, captain.

Thank you, sir. Brenna? Um...

- Brenna, a word.
- Hm?

Uh...

[MAN PLAYING IRISH FOLK MUSIC
ON ACCORDIAN]

[MEN LAUGHING]

Isn't that just like a man?

You make these
grandiose decisions

but you never stop
to consider the poor women.

- Miss Odell, I--
- You men draw a mug

and solve all the problems of the world
while the beer goes down.

But when it comes
to the practical matters,

it always falls to the women
to make your grand dreams come true.

Miss Odell, you were the one
who wanted a new home.

But I don't know if I want to be Eve.

It's your choice.

If you wish, you can stay
on the Enterprise.

We will drop you off at a starbase,

then you can go where you wish.

And leave my da?

[SIGHS]

If this is going to work,

these people will need
your strength,

your guidance.

Oh, damn.

- What does he do again?
- Prime minister.

- Huh. Sounds important.
- Oh, itis.

Sounds like he might have more
than two coins to rub together.

- Three husbands?
- Uh-huh.