Star Trek: Strange New Worlds (2022–…): Season 2, Episode 7 - Those Old Scientists - full transcript

An accident while investigating a time portal sends Ensigns Beckett Mariner and Bradward Boimler through time from the 24th Century, and Captain Pike and his crew must get them back where they belong before they can alter the timeline.

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Previously on Star Trek:
Strange New Worlds...

Uhura,

you have a textbook case

of overwork and exhaustion.

You haven't been sleeping.

It's been busy... Here.

You protected the timeline.

This is a fork in
the road. Your future

and mine, diverging.

LA'AN: Starfleet
has regulations

for situations like this.



You're pirates.

It's an Orion specialty.

Spock is my friend.

I have to tell you...

It's complicated.

Then make it simple.

I wish we had more connection.

Ensign's log, stardate 58460.1.

The Cerritos has just entered
the orbit of Krulmuth-B.

Home of the Krulmuth-B portal,

one of my all-time
favorite portals.

We're taking routine portal
readings and making sure

the portal area is free
of any portal problems.

Stop. How are you so excited



for some random portal
nobody's ever heard of?

History buffs have.

It was discovered
by Captain Pike

and the original crew
of the Enterprise.

I-I mean, the second Enterprise,

- but technically...
- Uh, yeah. Okay,

it's gonna be like
every other portal,

and we're just running scans.

Because it might do something.

Which it hasn't. In 120 years.

Yeah, it's due.

Can you imagine what
it must have been like

to be with Those Old Scientists?
I mean, this is as close

as we'll get to
Spock or Numero Una.

Don't call her that.
No one called her that.

Come on, we're gonna be standing
in the same spot as Uhura.

That doesn't get you
a little excited?

Yeah, Uhura was cool as
hell. Probably because

she had a life outside of
work. You should try it.

Okey dokey, who's pumped to
scan some teleron radiation?

Ugh, you're excited
about this, too?

Guys, a broken portal
is just a tunnel.

I love scanning new
things for my collection.

Radiation's a super
useful form of energy.

Ha-ha! Science!

Oh, the bar to excite you
guys could not be lower.

- Pretty great, huh?
- All right, let's just

get going. I can... I'll
brief you on the way.

Wait, you're in charge?

Yep. Job of a lifetime.

But you think
portals are boring.

Why would they choose you?

Probably 'cause
Ransom knew it would

bum me out. Come
on, sooner we leave,

sooner you get in your
all-important portal time.

Do you think
there'll be tachyons?

I can't wait to measure
some freaking tachyons!

Okay, the ancient
inactive thingy

is right over there.

Let's go make sure it's
still not doing anything.

Hey, did you know
that this portal

was actually
discovered by Orions?

Oh, ho, ho, Tendi,
Tendi, Tendi, Tendi.

The Enterprise
actually found it.

Ooh, ah, no, an Orion
science vessel did.

My great-grandmother was on it.

But, I mean, were
any Orions even

doing science stuff back then?

They weren't all
pirates, you know.

Somebody had to
make the starships.

Oh, sorry, sorry, I didn't
meant to suggest that...

Look, all I'm saying is

wouldn't that be a
historically-appropriate career

for an Orion to have back then?

Some Orions might surprise you.

All right, Boims, I know
what Starfleet tells us

and I know you know
everything about everything,

but let's maybe listen
to Tendi on this one.

Hey, guys. You're not
gonna believe this,

but I'm picking up
traces of horonium.

Horonium hasn't been
recorded for centuries!

Oh, I can't wait to show
the guys back in Engineering

this scan. Billups
is gonna flip!

You know, Starfleet
used horonium

in the original NX class.

It's lightweight, it's durable,

and it's just the
right shade of gray.

Yes, yes. We were all
there for that fun time

at the Starship History Museum.

Ah, I bet Spock
stood right here.

"Mr. Boimler, hand
me that scanner."

- That's great!
- Is that your Spock?

Yeah, I've been working on it.

Old scientists. Old starships.

You know we're here,
like, right now.

Maybe live in the moment?

I know, but...

sometimes I wish I could
have lived back then.

Yeah, no, thanks.
I mean, right now

when I disappoint
people, it's no big deal.

But back in the past, I'd
be disappointing Uhura.

Disappointing Uhura
would be cool!

I wish I could disappoint Uhura.

No, it wouldn't. What
are you talking about?

Oh, I got to get
a picture of this.

Hey Boimler, this way.
Give me a Spock pose.

Oh, yeah, yeah. Okay.

Live long and prosper.

Uh, guys?

The ancient thing
is doing a thing.

Aah! Aah! Help! The portal's

- trying to portal me!
- Stop lurching towards it!

Boimler!

Remember me!

Boimler?

Aah!

What...

Uh...

You guys look...

very realistic.

What is...

Number One to Enterprise.

We might have a problem.

Space.

The final frontier.

These are the voyages of
the starship Enterprise.

Its five-year mission:

to explore strange new worlds..

To seek out new life

and new civilizations,

to boldly go where no
one has gone before.

Captain's log, stardate 2291.6.

En route to deliver a
crucial shipment of grain

to a colony on Setlik II,

we encountered
something more pressing:

a time traveler.

Mr. Spock ran an
analysis of his delta.

It's not just a badge.
It's also a communicator.

You just press right here.

But flipping it
open's the best part.

I like ours better, too.

Hi. I'm Captain...

- Captain Christopher Pike.
- That's me.

Uh, computer, end program?

Never mind. Sorry.

The portal.

Oh, my God, so, the...

That means I'm-I'm... Hello.

That means I'm
really on the, uh...

- the, uh...
- The USS Enterprise.

Um, and... Okay, so...

what's the stardate, then?

2291.6.

Ah.

Yes. Five digits.

Totally normal date
to be living in.

We already know you're
from the future,

so no need to do
what... whatever it was

- you were trying to do.
- Okay, thank God.

Because I'm seriously
freaking out right now.

I mean, I can't
believe that I'm here.

Exactly how far in the future
do you hail from, Ensign?

Maybe 120 years, give or take?

Well, you don't
look a day over 100.

Wha... Funny captain?
What's happening?

You should hold on to this.

Don't want you accidentally
affecting the timeline

before we get the
chance to send you...

home.

This is my Number One,

Lieutenant Commander
Una Chin-Riley.

Nice to meet you.

Mm-hmm. And this is
La'An Noonien-Singh,

our head of security.

If you'll follow me, Ensign.

That was weird.

Hmm.

You don't think he
knows something...

about my future, do you?

No. I'm sure he's just, um...

Huh.

Oh! It's a classic
S/COMS operating system.

Don't touch the buttons.

- Nope. No, I wasn't, no.
- Look, I recognize

this future knowledge
is so boring

the chances of it
changing history are low,

but let's review temporal
protocols regardless,

- okay?
- Mm-hmm.

One, no interfering

- with past events.
- Got it.

- Two, no sharing... future.
- No sharing knowledge of the future.

- Yes.
- Definitely won't happen again.

Worf's honor.

Dang it.

Last, and perhaps
most important.

Don't make any attachments.

Uh, I'm actually not
familiar with that one.

Is that a recent addition?

Well, yeah, no,
because it-it's advice

from personal experience.

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait,
does-does that mean, uh...

you've time traveled too?

A small change here,
we won't feel anything.

Yet it could
destroy your future.

Your friends. Loved ones.

Ensign's log, stardate, uh...

the past. So...

I'm waiting.

Not really sure what I'm
supposed to be doing.

Oh, my God.

Um, okay, touching
this can't possibly

change the future, right?

Whoa.

Riker.

- What are you doing?
- Uh,

noth... Just, uh, you know,
it's a historical saddle,

so I'm just, um,
appraising it, um... Yeah.

Right. Uh, no judgment.

I just need this place to work.

- So...
- Wait a minute, are-are you, uh...

are you Uhura?

- Yes.
- Oh, my...

This... I'm sorry,
my friend Mariner

would be freaking out right now.

Okay, that's... very weird

and I would love to
unpack that, but I have

an entire ancient
language to decipher.

- So, if you don't mind.
- Wow.

You are so work-focused.

- Should I not be work-focused?
- You know what,

forget-forget I said anything.

LA'AN: Ensign
Boimler, ready to

beam you down to the
planet. Report to

the transporter immediately.

Mr. Boimler, I cannot
help but notice

that you keep staring at us.

Sorry, uh, it's just that, um...

you're Spock. And M'Benga.

And is that a classic
TS 122 tricorder?

- It's a 120.
- Do you mind if...

Can-can I hold it? Just...

Thank you so much. Oh, my God.

They never improved on these.

I mean, yeah, they got
smaller and more powerful

and arguably less likely to
explode, but design-wise?

Explode, you said?

As helpful as this analysis
of industrial design is,

why don't you tell us
what you were doing

when the portal turned on?

Yeah, so I was standing,
uh, about here.

And Rutherford... he's another
ensign... was scanning it

and he found some traces

- of horonium.
- Probably from here.

Anyway, we took a
holo-image with our camera

that emitted radioisotopes
which seemed to set it off.

So, I guess it was
just dumb luck?

You just, uh...

you just... laughed?

Yes.

The thought of assigning
intelligence to chance

struck me as ridiculous.

Okay.

Does he always laugh
or is this new?

It's definitely new.

Pike to Spock, we
have a situation here.

Unidentified ship closing
in. Prepare for transport.

Landing party's back on board.

Tell them to join
us on the bridge.

Captain, I think this vessel

might be Orion.

Pirates.

Yellow Alert. Shields up.

Their shields are
still down, Captain.

Weapons inactive.

Tactical analysis.

Some Orion vessels are
specifically designed

- to fool sensors.
- Perfect timing.

BOIMLER [quietly]: Oh,
my God, oh, my God,

oh, my God!

I'm on the bridge.

NCC-1701 dash...

nothing.

- Oh...
- What would come after the dash?

Uhura, hail the Orion vessel.

Oh, my God... Mr. Boimler?

Yeah? Yeah, hey.

Come stand here.

Yes, sir.

Lieutenant Ortegas.
You're a war hero.

Uh, no response to hails, sir.

We're sure that's an Orion ship?

Oh, that's totally
an Orion ship.

Classic Scout.

I built a model of
one in a bottle.

It was a small ship but
a big bottle, but still.

La'An, better prepare a full
torpedo spread, in case.

Wait, wait, wait! Uh, sorry.

It's just, um, I-I
have reason to believe

that's a science vessel.

Do Orions have science vessels?

They're ignoring our
hails. Well, it's kind of

considered offensive in my time

to assume all
Orions are pirates.

There have been multiple reports

of Orion pirate
activity in this area.

Uh, totally makes sense,
given the time period.

But what if I

happen to know...

Careful.

That's a peaceful vessel, sir.

Incoming hail from
the Orion ship.

On screen, please.

This is Captain Christopher
Pike, USS Enterprise.

Captain Harr Caras

of the Orion science
vessel D'Var.

We initially came to this sector

to aid a Federation colony.

They reported several run-ins
with Orion pirate vessels?

Yeah, that is
unfortunate, Captain.

Orion pirates certainly give
the rest of us a bad name.

If that's your business,

what were you doing
on Krulmuth-B?

Routine surveys.

Captain, I'm reading
a transporter signal.

The Orions have
beamed up the portal.

Captain Caras, care to explain?

I suspect your science officer
to be mistaken, Captain.

I'm reading an energy spike
emanating from the Orion ship.

I think I might've made
a mistake, Number One.

You? Unheard of.

Okay, I deserve that.

I shouldn't have
listened to the ensign.

That's why we lost the
portal, it's just...

rare that we have someone
on the ship who's such a...

Fan? Of you, at least.

He seems completely
terrified of me.

He was so excited to see
me there for a second,

it felt like my
future wasn't so bad.

I get that, Chris.

But then he goes
and alters time.

I feel like I'm trying
to stop a toddler

from knocking over
the furniture.

Where's Mr. Boimler now?



- What you got there?
- Aah!

Uh, um, hey. Nothing.

Just doing some, uh...
warp field mechanics.

As long as you're not...

borrowing it to input
any future knowledge.

No, I don't... I don't think
I did. Um, let me just, uh...

Relax, I'm just
busting your chops.

- Yeah.
- But seriously, you should

probably erase
whatever you just did.

Aye aye, yeah.

Um...

So...

how are you feeling?
Has the, uh,

uncontrollable
vomiting come in yet?

Uh, what?

Oh, chroniton poisoning.

It's really common.

You just want to make sure
you're close to a bathroom.

Okay, are you guys
both messing with me?

What's happening? Yeah.
Hey, what's the future like?

Do you have jetpacks or what?

- We have jetpacks now.
- I know,

but, like, smaller jetpacks.

Why don't you both tell me

what life is like
on the Enterprise?

I mean, is it just,
like, nonstop excitement?

Meeting all these aliens

who are still
actually, you know...

alien?

Guess you're pretty used to
seeing aliens in the future?

Well, yeah, but...

This? Right now? This...

this is the golden
age of exploration.

And you guys get to
actually live it.

I mean...

I'm jealous.

So, where's Nyota?

Where do you think? Working.

Yeah, that tracks.

I couldn't even get her
to come to movie night.

Oh, if you're around on
Friday, you should come.

- Yeah.
- Uh,

is that something you're doing

for Captain Pike's birthday?

It's his birthday on Friday?

How do you know his birthday?

Well, I mean, in the future,

his birthday's a holiday.

Crap! Crap. Crap.

Please, please do not tell
La'An I said anything.

How's throwing the captain a
party gonna ruin the future?

Well, it-it could in
several ways, um...

Should we throw Pike a party?

I like it. Good idea.

- I will give you all the credit for it.
- Please don't.

- Please don't put my name on anything.
- So much credit.

I have to go.

Watch out for those chronitons.

Okay, yeah.

Nurse Chapel?

Nurse Chapel, hi.

Um, I need to talk
to you about Spock.

Spock? Uh, what about him?

Well, he's, uh,
acting different.

And I'm afraid it's 'cause I
did something that broke him.

Medical.

Um, what do you
mean, "different"?

All I know is where I come from,

he is legendary
for never smiling,

laughing, definitely no joking,

and that Spock goes on to do

really important things that

I very much need to
have not messed up.

Are you really sure you should
be telling me this stuff?

No, but I-I'm worried

because I made Spock laugh.

And I keep wondering

i-is that a butterfly effect?

'Cause the Spock I know
shouldn't have done that.

Maybe he's just...

going through a thing.

You know? Like, having fun.

No, but I've read every
single book about Spock

and they-they mention
his upbringing on Vulcan,

his pet sehlat, his relationship
with his mom and his dad,

- but nothing about a happy, smiley, jokey guy, period.
- Just stop. Stop, stop, stop.

None of this is
your fault, okay?

Spock was acting like
this before you arrived.

Oh, thank God.

Okay, so this is what...
This is just, like, a phase?

And-and he'll get over
it and back to his,

like, serious, real self soon?

Oh.

You're the one

who's been influencing
him, not me.

I... I-I shouldn't
have said anything.

- I-I...
- No, it's-it's...

It's fine.

I never assumed that I would...

get to influence
him forever, anyway.

Don't even want that.

I...

Maybe I should, uh,

get off the ship sooner, b...

before I, uh...

Yeah.

Run me through it again.

Respectfully, sir, there
is nothing to run through.

Given a longer time
frame, I might be able

to brute force a
solution, but as of now,

there is no way to
track the Orions.

Uh, I know how to
track the Orions.

Didn't we talk about that?

Yes, uh, using future knowledge,

yes, I know, I shouldn't,

but, um, what if I could use it

and you guys just, um...

don't look?

That's ridiculous. We
can't just not look.

Can we?

We sure this is wise?

No, but I'm going with it.

Huh. Future Boy did it.

Just might be a second.

Our top priority is
recovering that portal

and sending Ensign
Boimler back to his time.

Just want to throw out
there that harming an Orion

could alter the timeline.

Ensign, we were extremely
clear about mentioning any...

Please, sir. One of my
friends back home is an Orion.

- And you're doing it anyway.
- She's a junior science officer

in Starfleet and her great-
grandmother's on the D'var.

If we hurt them...

It could erase her
from existence.

Sir, there has to be
a peaceful solution.

And I know diplomacy

is one of your many,
many strengths.

That and patience, forgiveness,

benevolence...

really great hair.

Hail the Orions.

Captain, they are
charging their warp coils.

Lock phasers on their engines

- but hold your fire.
- Phasers locked and holding.

Time to find out
if this really is

one of my greatest strengths.

Captain Pike.

What a remarkable coincidence,
running into you here.

We tracked you, Caras.
- Why?

We believe you may have...

accidentally taken
an ancient portal.

We need you to put it back.

- Is that a threat?
- It's a request.

It's hard to really talk with
your weapons aimed at our ship.

La'An, stand down phasers.

Standing down.

Now, this portal...

Persuade me to return it.

How would you like
to be persuaded?

Give us a moment.

Ideas.

- Not you.
- Fair.

Uh, can you please tell
Captain Pike that the Orions

want to trade? They see
it as a sign of respect.

- You know I can hear you. I'm standing right here.
- Sorry,

I thought the span of the
room would, uh... Captain.

It appears they are
scanning our cargo hold.

You're carrying an
extraordinary amount

of tritriticale grain, Captain.

Giving it to us
would be persuasive.

You got yourself
a deal, Captain.

The portal is nearly
depleted of horonium.

But I calculate there is
enough left for a single trip.

Uh, I know me being here

wasn't ideal

and potentially
reality-threatening, but

meeting all of you

has been one of the greatest
experiences of my life.

Thank you.

Well, it's been a...

unexpected day for
all of us, Ensign.

But, for the sake of the future,

try not to come back.

Oh, hell yeah! I did it.

Mariner? What are you...
what are you doing here?

- I'm saving you.
- No, no, no, no, no! No, we only had

enough for...

one trip.

Oh...

Whoa.

Wait, Boims, did I time travel?

Okay, so is Uhura here?

This is amazing. Wow.

You guys are great.
But is she here?

Oh, the uniforms!

Pike to Enterprise. Whoa.

Mariner, please.
- Five to beam back.

Ugh, ranks on the sleeve...
I don't know about that.

You see? He has
the old thingy.

Oh...

Captain's log,
supplemental. Our problems

seem to have doubled.
We started our day

with one time traveler
and now we have two,

which is... a lot.

Okay, not to be ungrateful,
but if you had just waited,

- like, one more second, we wouldn't be stuck here.
- Do-do...

do you know how worried I was?

You disappeared in a vortex
while I was in charge.

For all I knew you were dead

or stuck in a
dystopian San Francisco

in the middle of a riot.

Have you noticed
that their references

- are weirdly specific?
- Indeed.

- the Bell Riots, Mariner. I was...
- I'm sorry, hold up.

Look, I'm gonna keep
this, like, 100% profesh,

but I was thoroughly unprepared

for how hot young
Spock was going to be.

- Yeah, he's full of surprises.
- Like, what?

The body, the face,
the ears... what?

I realize we're all
still all reacting

to the recent complication,

but we also very
much need a solution.

One time traveler is
a security threat.

- Two is...
- A disaster.

Thought you said they were cool.

They are. This is serious.

Spock, what's going
on with the portal?

Still functioning.
But without horonium

we cannot activate it.

I am afraid Ensign
Mariner depleted

- the last of the supply.
- Well, in my defense,

that thing has, like...

zero instructions, you know?

And there is no other
source of horonium

anywhere in the quadrant?

None. And there hasn't been
for over a hundred years.

Can we just cook some up?

- Will you please just not?
- Sorry.

The ensign is correct.
We could attempt

to synthesize
horonium ourselves.

Hot Spock agrees with me.

However, we would be putting
ourselves in great danger.

If it goes wrong, the blast
could take out half the ship.

And there is a chance it
might not work at all.

Mm, that doesn't
sound very logical.

We need a second option.
- Will you please just stop?

Sorry, that's what he sounds
like. I might have one, Chris.

The ancient text on the
portal. Uhura's locked herself

in her quarters, working
on a translation.

Maybe she'll come up
with some answers.

Great.

Oh, uh, but, you know, I have

linguistics experience.
Maybe I could help her.

I really want to say no,

but how much more damage
could you do at this point?

So, go for it.

- Linguistics experience? Really?
- No,

but it's Uhura. Don't
ruin this for me.

I will end your life.

And Boimler should
work with Spock.

Because he took an elective

in material synthesis
at the Academy.

- I mean, you know, for-for fun.
- Yeah.

It-it's not... it's not like
Spock needs help from me.

I can use the extra
pair of hands,

if Mr. Boimler is not afraid
of losing one of them.

What the...

Spock's smiling now?

Yeah, he just doesn't
know how. Just go with it.

- I don't like it.
- It's terrifying.

Mariner. Mariner!

- What?
- Why'd you do that?

Oh, okay, don't act like the
prospect of working with Spock

doesn't tick off some
weird box for you.

I already worked with
Spock and it didn't...

go the way I wanted it to.

Oh, no. No, Boimler,

don't tell me you asked
him about his sehlat.

- Can you not be such a fanboy for one second?
- No, it's just...

I thought that being here
would be perfect, but...

now I just don't want
to get stuck here.

- Yeah. Tough to meet your heroes, huh?
- I joined Starfleet

so I could be a part of history.

But if they can't find a
way to get us back home,

we're gonna have to go
live somewhere off the grid

where we can't affect
history at all.

No, no, no, I'm not living
off the grid anywhere.

I thrive on the
grid. I require grid.

- Right?
- Exactly, that's what I said.

What are you... Oh.

Uh... hi.

Uh, is something wrong?

Just wondering if
everyone from the future

looks at me like
they know I'm doomed.

The... Oh. Okay, so
that is just Boimler.

He is probably freaked out
because you're Number One.

- I mean, he has a poster of you up in his bunk.
- A poster?

You mean, like...

a pin-up poster?

It's a poster that is pinned up.

Am... Are we saying
the same thing?

You know what, I
don't want to know.

Okay...

Uh...

I don't want to know.

Okay.

I probably shouldn't
mention this,

but I have always admired you.

- Really?
- Yeah, I mean...

Carefree, but also this, like,

grade-A super translating
space adventurer.

Uh, too much?

Honestly, it's kind of weird
you even know me at all.

Girl, everybody knows you.

What do they know?

- Um...
- Uh, actually, maybe don't tell me.

Yeah.

I mean, just that you're
good at what you do.

You know, you're hard-working,

unflappable, fearless
in the face of...

a bunch of different aliens
that I'm not gonna name

or talk about too much
'cause you don't...

you haven't met them yet.

And, you know,

you also know how to have fun.

That-that's not terrible.

No.

It's... it's just a lot
of pressure, you know?

I mean, I'm 22,

I've barely done anything
worth admiring yet.

And there are days, like today,

where I can't even manage
a basic translation.

And, meanwhile,
Erica's all like,

"You have to learn
how to have fun."

But how am I
supposed to have fun

when I know I have to become
this universally-known,

super-translating, unflappable,
hard-working badass?

All right, I think it's
time we took a break.

I really don't do breaks.

Yeah, I'm starting
to catch that.

You know, you're the one
who could get stuck here

if we don't figure
this translation out.

Are you familiar with
Starfleet labor codes?

Maybe.

Section 48 Alpha-dash-seven:

"Officers must take meal
breaks at regular intervals."

I could report you.

- Y-You know Starfleet codes?
- Of course.

I mean, there's a whole
bunch of them that

let you slack off a
ton, so, yeah. Come on.

All right,

we got some Orion hurricanes.

Well, kind of. They actually
didn't have any Orion delaq,

so I kind of had to improvise,

which is honestly for
the best. That stuff will

mess you up, truly
ruin your life.

All right.

Ah.

I like you.

You're a good bad influence.

If you're still
around, you should

come to Pike's surprise party.

Cool. But only if I can
take a bunch of pictures

and weird my mom out
with a history book.

I'm joking. Sort of.

Oh, I knew it was
too good to be true.

Why is everyone obsessed with
me taking breaks? This...

this isn't the time.

On the Klingon front

you never knew when
you'd get rest.

So, you'd take a
break when you could

'cause you'd never
get that time back.

Work will still be
here in five minutes.

Fine. Fine.

Let's relax.

Ooh, easy, that's a lot of...

I've seen these.

Wait, you-you know
these symbols?

I've seen them before.

At Starbase Earhart.

A guy tried to trade
me a dom-jot set.

What's dom-jot? Oh, uh,

it's this billiard game that
Nausicaans are terrible at,

yet love to bet on
for some reason.

This wasn't a traditional
set, it was old.

Ancient old.

Nausicaans...

Wait, give me a second.

Erica, you're brilliant.

This is true, I am. Why?

The glyphs on the portal are
an ancient Nausicaan dialect

that's thousands of years old.

That's why I didn't
recognize it before. Oh.

That's why.

Not, you know, taking
five to recharge.

Unbelievable.

Ensign Boimler, Nurse Chapel

- told me about your exchange.
- She did?

She did not go into detail,
but it was easy to extrapolate

that there was something you
told her about my future.

- Perhaps I should know?
- Nah.

Nah, nothing from
me on the old, uh...

future-altering front.

It does not take an expert
observer to recognize

that my experiments in
human emotion trouble you.

Therefore, I must surmise
that my future state...

The one you are familiar with...

Must be one in which my
emotions are minimized.

Must you surmise that?

But you did say something
to Christine that upset her.

Look, all I said

was that I'm surprised
that you're so...

human.

Yes, the universe
needs Vulcan Spock,

if everything that I
know happens... happens.

And yet I have no
choice but to stay true

to the path I have
chosen in this time.

If you sway me then my future
will have been altered.

Is that not logical?

Unfortunately, it is.

Shall we activate
the synthesizer?

Sure, I mean, is-is it
gonna, uh, blow my hand off?

We are separating fissile
isotopes at high speeds.

The chance of an explosion
is down to a coin flip.

I find myself
curious about chance.

Do you feel lucky?

Uh, no, not at all. I, um...

Okay. Uh, so...

- Okay, is that bad? Are sparks bad?
- Yes.

Seek cover.

Aah!

I've ruined everything.

Oh, my dear,

there is nothing
quite so soothing

as a properly-calibrated
warp core.

You're one of those future kids.

Was. Um...

Now I'm one of those,
uh, stuck-here kids.

Also, I'm a man.

You don't happen to know
about Setlik II... did we, uh,

find more grain for
the colonists there?

"More" was never on the
table. That's all anyone had.

It was specially made
to grow in their biome.

- So, now we'll just try and...
- You're relocating them.

But they've been
there for generations.

There has to be
something else we can do.

Yes. Find a time travel device

and use it to stop yourself

from messing everything up!

Thank you. That's helpful.

I look up to everyone
on this ship, but...

turns out I don't belong here.

I mean, how can I fix
everything that I...

that I screwed up?

I'm a Lanthanite.

I've lived for
thousands of years.

Most heroes I've seen...

are just pretending
half the time.

Mm. There's this
one guy I remember.

He said to me,

"I always pretended

"to be someone I wanted to be

"until finally

"I became

"that someone...

or he became me."

Okay, okay, um...

all right.

- Ah.
- Whoa!

- Holy Q!
- Don't!

Don't yell Q! They
haven't met him yet.

They had kind of a
Trelane thing going on.

- What are you doing?
- What are you doing?

Are you stealing a shuttle?

I'm not st... Oh, fudge.

What happened to your
new best friend Uhura?

Oh, Uhura's awesome.

Yeah, but the, uh, the
translation was a bust.

- Wait, she couldn't crack it?
- No, she could.

Thank you. Problem
is all it said was

- "This is a time portal."
- Crap.

- Yeah.
- This era's weird.

I know. Have you noticed
how slow everybody talks?

- Yeah, and quietly.
- Yeah.

So, what's with the shuttle?

Well, ever since I've
got here, all I've done

is open my big, stupid mouth
and screw everything up,

but if I want to be a
hero, I have to fix things.

Ooh, what are we fixing?

The Orions took
grain in exchange

for the portal, so I figured

if we're gonna be
stuck here anyway,

might as well trade it back

and give that food to
people who really need it.

Doesn't that thing need to be
on Crumhat-D in the future?

- Krulmuth-B.
- Whatever.

And I'm... done

worrying about the future.

I want to help people now.

And the shuttle has a
separate communications array.

Easier to bypass security,
get a message to the Orions.

All right, sneaky Boimy.

I like it.

But you're not good
at breaking protocol.

You're gonna need an accomplice.

And I never get caught.

- LA'AN: What are you doing?
- Oh! Oh, no.

Sorry, sorry.

Hi.

You're lucky Uhura likes to
monitor local comm traffic

and was able to block
your signal. Over there.

It could have easily
escalated to a bad place.

I'm having you both
confined to quarters

until we reach Starbase One.
Then you'll be their problem.

Lieutenant, I'd like a moment
alone with them both, please.

Sir.

Mr. Boimler.

For a guy who seems
like a rule-follower,

you certainly break
a lot of them.

And Ms. Mariner.

I thought you were here
to save your friend,

not make his situation worse.

Look, it was all
me, okay? I just...

I don't think Boimler can handle
getting thrown in the brig

by a guy who he dressed
up as for Halloween.

Oh, he... Really?

Yeah, he had to contour the
hell out of the jawline, too.

It-it was a process, yeah.

Look.

I want to ask you both

for a personal favor.

Mr. Boimler.

I heard that you've
been encouraging my crew

to throw me a surprise party.

Please stop doing that.

It's just...

you never know how many
birthdays you have left,

- What are you doing?
- And-and...

right now, you have friends

who want to celebrate you.

While you still can.

Ah.

Think I know what you're
getting at. And I already know.

- Uh, you know about...
- You... So, you know about the whole...

- What specifically do you know about?
- Not wanting a party

has nothing to do with
what's going to happen to me.

It's about

what's already happened.

What do you mean?

My father...

We didn't get along.

Frankly, there were times
I downright hated his guts.

We never resolved things.

This is the first year

I'll be older than
he was when he died.

But I'd give years

off my own life

if we could have
one more argument.

So,

my plan was to
finish this mission

then sit in a fishing cabin
on Setlik II's ice moon,

bring a good bottle of
whiskey and have that talk.

I'm sorry about your dad.

But I wonder...

if, someday, you're
not around anymore,

how many people on this ship

would wish they had
another day to talk to you?

Sometimes it's hard
to visit the past.

- Yeah, I mean, I didn't want to be here at all.
- Shh. This...

You know...

I can understand what
it must feel like...

The both of you coming here.

I try to think how I would feel

setting foot on
Archer's Enterprise.

Oh, the NX-01? Don't worry,

Boimler would freak
out about that, too.

The NX-01.

They don't make them like
that ship anymore, huh?

No, they do.

Captain...

I think I know how
to get us home.

When I first arrived,
I brought expectations

of each of you from the future.

And not only was that dangerous,

it denied the reality of
who you are right now.

So, I'd like to
apologize to you all

with a limerick.
Or you could just

get to the point. I don't
have to do the limerick.

I don't have to...
Mariner, why don't you...

Okay, so, one time,
Boimler dragged me

to the Starship History Museum.

Dragged? You ran
up to the doors.

No, I didn't. It was
boring. I hated it.

Anyway, um, so,

they had the NX-01 there.
Archer's Enterprise.

Yeah, yeah, classic design.
Plus it had, you know,

- the grapplers.
- Skip that part. They don't care.

- I love grapplers.
- See?

- All right.
- Anyway,

later on in the
tour, they said that

ships back then actually
used horonium alloy

in their hulls.

Ta-da!

So we need to dig an NX
class ship out of mothballs?

No, because the tradition is

every time a new
vessel's commissioned...

Construction starts with a piece

of the last ship
to bear its name.

Meaning there should be

a piece of horonium
inside the Enterprise.

- Yeah. Yeah.
- Yeah. Do you know where

the section is located?

- I don't, but...
- Surprise, I paid attention.

Without being asked.

This guy was distracted
by the grapplers.

It is surprising

because she normally
does not pay attention.

Oh, careful with my
floor. I use that!

It is illogical to assume
that you are the only one.

One, two. I can't believe

all this time, we
have been walking

over a piece of history.

I'm a huge fan of
Travis Mayweather.

First pilot of the NX-01.

My middle school gym
was named after him.

Hoshi Sato was on
that ship, too.

You know she spoke 86 languages?

I wrote three papers
on her at the Academy.

Are we sounding like...

Them?

Indeed.

It is exhausting.

Hi.

Is there a problem, Ensign?

Listen, I-I may have given
you the wrong impression

about Boimler's poster.
It-it's for recruitment.

Yeah, you're the literal

poster girl/woman for Starfleet.

- Come on, come on.
- Uh...

- You should have led with that part.
- Yeah.

This is true? Uh, yes, sir,

Number One, sir. Uh...

It was a really big
reason why I joined.

Ad astra per aspera.

They put that on the poster?

And I put it in my bunk.

I meant for that to sound a
lot more admiring than it did.

Your flagrant disregard
for temporal protocols

by telling me this
is deeply troubling.

But thanks, all the same.

Live long and
prosper, Mr. Boimler.

Energize.

I-I'll... You also live and...

We got your message
about the portal.

That was a mistake.

That message was sent
without my authorization.

I'm afraid we still need it.

I do not like having
my time wasted,

- Captain.
- It's not his fault.

- It's mine. - And mine.
- LA'AN: It's true.

It's their fault.

We called you because

we didn't want those
Federation colonists to starve.

Yeah, plus we were
kind of going through

a quarter-life
crisis type of thing.

You know, you meet your heroes,

and then you're like, "What
have I done with my life?

- I'm trash, right?"
- You went through that, too?

Absolutely. You met Uhura.
She's the total package.

It is intimidating. Because I
was going through the same thing

- with Spock, so...
- I know. I didn't want to... - Earlier,

you will recall, I told you that

we were here for
routine surveys.

Well, here's the whole truth.

That is a time portal.

And these two are from
the future, and...

- we need the portal to get them home.
- Really?

To a future where it's
considered offensive

to assume an Orion is a pirate.

Yeah. And, actually,
you know, one of our

best friends in Starfleet
is an Orion officer.

A scientist. Although
she does also

go by the name Mistress of
the Winter Constellations.

- It's very strange.
- That name.

Her great-grandmother's
on your ship.

Her name's Tendi.

I have an Astrea
Tendi on my ship.

How do you know that?

- Well... Yeah.
- Because we are time travelers,

as we've been telling you. I
feel like he doesn't listen.

How-how about this.

You let us use the portal

and as far as
history is concerned,

Orions discovered it.

Orion scientists.

That's all I've ever wanted.

There they are!
Should we go get them?

Hang on! We'll be right there!

- Oh, no, no, no, we'll come to you.
- Just, no.

It was good to
meet you, Captain.

Wha...

They seemed nice.

Tendi, you were right.

It turns out Orions did
discover this portal.

I know. I told you. My great-
grandmother discovered it.

- Ooh, Astrea, right?
- That's right.

But how'd you know her name?

Thanks for coming back to
the T.O.S. era to get me.

You picked that up from Ransom.

Why does he always call it that?

It stands for Those
Old Scientists.

- Huh. They seemed pretty young to me.
- Oh!

Numero Una.

Hottest First Officer

- in Starfleet history.
- Ow!

Hey, hey! How was
the mission, Mariner?

Never seen you fight
to get work before.

Captain was just gonna
send cadets to that portal,

but she called dibs.

It was boring. Go away.

You fought to get this mission?

- You did it just so I'd get to go.
- No.

Ransom's just an idiot
with a bad memory

'cause he sleeps facedown
like a baby. Shut up.

Huh.

When we shouted "Surprise!"
you didn't seem very surprised.

Come on, Number One. I knew.

That's why I cancelled
my fishing trip.

Someone reminded me that maybe

I should celebrate
with my friends.

Okay, next month
for movie night,

I'm programming an
Andorian comedy.

Mm-hmm. Turns out the secret
to getting Uhura to relax

is making it feel like work.

I believe you are going to be
her next project, Lieutenant.

God help me.

Mm, what exactly have we been
drinking for the last hour?

Orion hurricanes.

Caras gave us a bottle
of real Orion delaq,

so they're genuine.

Interesting flavor.

Does anyone else feel strange?

Why does everything feel
so... two-dimensional?

My arms don't normally do this.

My eyes feel huge.
Do my eyes look huge?

Hmm... Hmm?

What the hell is
in these things?!

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