Star Trek: Short Treks (2018–…): Season 2, Episode 1 - Q&A - full transcript

Ensign Spock's first day aboard the U.S.S. Enterprise doesn't go as planned when he and Number One are unexpectedly stuck together in a turbo lift.



Star Trek: Discovery
SOOEO6 - Short Treks: Q and A

[INDISTINCT CHATTER OVER COMM]



TECH [OVER COMM]: Beaming to Enterprise.

Stand by.

Energizing.

NUMBER ONE: Highlighting the urgent need

for the kind of quantum
stochastic models

of salvo analysis... Pause.

Should be right... now.



Resume. Proposed in this memorandum...

SPOCK: Sir, Ensign Spock, S179

276SP, reporting for duty.

Welcome aboard, Ensign.

How was your trip out to Starbase 40?

Uneventful, sir.

No need to shout, Ensign Spock.

No, sir.

You've been on this ship exactly

37 seconds, Ensign, and you
haven't asked a single question.

Not what I expect
from a science officer.

I expect you to barrage every
crewman you meet with questions,

starting with me, to the
point you become an annoyance.

You have until I reach
that turbolift. Go.



What is your name, sir?

Just call me Number One.

[DOOR WHOOSHES OPEN]

SPOCK: Sir, what is your opinion

of the Onafuwa model
of combat salvo analysis

compared to the
traditional neo-Wayne model?

I find it problematic.

Ensign, how would you
like to see the bridge?

Bridge.

You had Onafuwa for Fundamentals
of Quantum Stochastics

and Advanced, One and Two, and seminar,

and received top marks.

Indeed. I found it quite...

Brutal?

Yes.

Onafuwa's a monster,

but such a brilliant monster.

And of course the subject matter is...

BOTH: Fascinating.

[RUMBLING]

COMPUTER [OVER
SPEAKERS]: Computer error.

Manual control unavailable.

UPJOHN [OVER COMM]: Engineering.

Upjohn, this is Number One.

We have failure in turbolift six
and I can't get manual override.

UPJOHN: On it, sir. Engineering out.

People don't talk in elevators.

I've observed that, sir.

[SIGHS]

This may take some
time. Let's not waste it.

Keep up the questions.

What are the three most salient
facts about Captain Pike?

One, his capacity for hearing
out another point of view

is exceeded only by his
willingness to change his own

once he's heard you out.

Two, even though he is
the most heavily decorated

fighting captain in Starfleet,

he views resorting to force
as an admission of failure.

And three...

he is utterly unsentimental.

Except when it comes to horses.

He is sentimental about large
herbivorous terrestrial mammals?

Just stay away from
the topic, is my advice.

You have made a most
careful study of the captain.

Upjohn!

UPJOHN [OVER COMM]: Sorry, sir,
we're isolating the problem.

It's either the secondary induction coil

or a glitch in the path routing

or the brakes. Definitely
one of those three.

SPOCK: Which version of the O.S.

are the ship's computers running?

36.11.4.

I took a look at the
bosun sampling of code. 5.

In my opinion, it...

BOTH: Lacks elegance.

Indeed.

Do the food synthesizers use the Gupta

or the Katzman glucose matrix?

We use the Una matrix.

Essentially a Gupta-Katzman hybrid.

It's more reliable then either

and the results are both more
nutritious and more palatable.

Your name is Una.

That isn't a question, Ensign.

My name is Number One.

SPOCK: Have you ever considered
that the prime directive

is not only not ethical,
but also illogical,

and perhaps morally indefensible?

No, Spock, I have not,

and for the sake of your
own sanity, might I suggest

you cease doing so immediately. Next.

Have you considered that the ubiquity

of mathematical constants...

such as "E" or the
so-called golden ratio...

decline of the universe was designed...

[NUMBER ONE SIGHS]

Perhaps an enormous simulation.

Am I becoming an annoyance?

Just starting to get a bit heavy.

Do you like eggplant?

[SIGHS]

Give me a boost, Ensign.

You know. Hoist me up.

On your knees, Spock.

[CLICKS]All right, it's unlocked.

Upjohn, I opened the service hatch.

What should I look for?

You'll want to move
aside the fan housing.

You'll see a small black
microbox and a blue diode.

Pull it out to see if
the contacts are clean.

All right. Next question, Spock.

Have you ever made
firsthand observations

of a triple-mode
high-amplitude Delta Scuti star?

Yes. My first deep-space
cruise on Enterprise

took us to within a half
light-year of 99 Pegasi.

I am envious.

[EXHALES] You should be.

I can't begin to tell you
what a spec... [SCREAMS]

UPJOHN [DISTORTED]: Number
One, are you all right?

I... I don't know what happened.

- Number One?
- [GROANS] We're fine.

Glad to hear it.

So, what we're gonna do,
sir, is have Lieutenant Amin

rappel down the
turboshaft from deck nine.

She's a champion climber
and she's ready to go.

Just as soon as we
locate the belaying rig.

Seems like nobody's seen it

since the Ling Plateau rescue mission.

But I...

Any more questions, Ensign?

No, sir. I am sorry.

Fair enough.

Then I have one for you.

When you beamed aboard,
Ensign, were you...

smiling?

I didn't know that was
something Vulcans could do.

I must admit, I found the
sight a bit disconcerting.

Duly noted.

In the future, I will be
careful to avoid smiling.

No.

The strength of a Starfleet crew

is in its diversity and differences.

I would never ask a crewmember

to suppress or conceal their nature.

I do think one must be aware, however,

of how one is perceived
by one's comrades.

Not because you're half-Vulcan.

But this is the advice
I'd give to anyone

whose ultimate goal is command.

- That is not my goal, sir.
- Bullshit.

No one endures two
solid years of Onafuwa

on quantum-stochastic combat
modeling because they want

to sling a tricorder for
the rest of their lives.

And if you want to command,

you're gonna have to learn to
keep your freaky to yourself.

Even if that's painful.

I have been doing that all my life.

And it is.

I know.

Do you?

Then that leads to a
logical next question.

All right, Ensign.

I'll show you.

♪ I am the very model of
a modern major-general ♪

♪ I've information vegetable,
animal and mineral ♪

♪ I know the kings of England

♪ And I quote the
fights historical ♪

♪ From Marathon to Waterloo

♪ In order categorical

♪ I'm very well acquainted,
too, with matters mathematical ♪

♪ I understand equations, both
the simple and quadratical ♪

♪ About binomial theorem, I
am teeming with a lot of news ♪

♪ With many cheerful facts about ♪

♪ The square of the hypotenuse

♪ With many cheerful facts about ♪

♪ The square of the hypotenuse

♪ With many cheerful facts about ♪

♪ The square of the hypotenuse

♪ Many cheerful facts
about the square ♪

♪ Of the hypoten-potenuse

♪ I'm very good at integral
and differential calculus ♪

♪ I know the scientific
names of beings animalculous ♪

♪ In short, in matters
vegetable, animal and mineral ♪

♪ I am the very model of
a modern major-general. ♪

♪ In short, in matters
vegetable, animal and mineral ♪

♪ You are the very model
of a modern major-general! ♪

[BOTH LAUGH]

[WHIRRING]

AMIN: It's Lieutenant Amin.

Hang on, I'll have you
out of there straightaway.

[QUIETLY]: I swear I heard
her laughing in there.

You will forget this.

I want there to be a hole in
your memory where this once was.

That is an order.

[WHISPERS]: On your honor,

as a Starfleet officer,
Ensign Spock, swear.

I swear on my honor as
a Starfleet officer, sir.

Folks ready to go?



[INDISTINCT CHATTER OVER COMM]

That the new boot?

NUMBER ONE: Yes.

That'd be Ensign...

Spock, sir.

PIKE: Spock. At ease, Ensign.

Not my strong suit, sir.

I understand.

Do Vulcans

ever feel awe, Spock?

They do, Captain.

But they tend to keep it to themselves.



Star Trek: Discovery
SO0EO6 - Short Treks: Q and A