Star Trek: Lower Decks (2020–…): Season 1, Episode 3 - Temporal Edict - full transcript

That was titled "Essence."
I wrote it about my mom.

This next piece
is also about my mom.

- Uh, excuse me...
- Wrap it up, nerd.

- I'm still...
- All right, I don't know what this is called,

and I don't care.

Two, three, four!

That's kind of loud!

What is the meaning
of this intense bass?

Are you mocking me?!

I don't hear it on our side.

It must be your equipment.



Engineer K'noch, today you die!

Will someone shut that up?!

You're welcome.

Okay, whatever that was.

Ladies and gentlemen,
"Requiem for a Hug."

Captain says you're too loud!

Oh, God, oh, no, no,
I'm so sorry.

First officer's log,
stardate 57501.4.

TheCerritos is en route
to Cardassia Prime

for the most amazing reason.

Captain Freeman is going to be
instrumental in brokering peace

between the... Uh, wait.

Just... reading
a little message here.

Yada yada yada. Oh.



Oh, no.

The captain is not
gonna be happy about this.

What the hell
are you talking about!

I'm sorry, Captain Freeman,

but we're moving the peace
negotiations to Vulcan.

Nobody wants to go
to Cardassia Prime.

The Cardassians
are creeping everyone out.

But I already prepared a speech,
I learned how to do the dance...

I'm sure you'll be involved

in the nexthistoric,
once-in-a-lifetime summit.

For now, you'll be heading
to Gelrak 5

and, uh, endowing them
with diplomatic trinkets.

We're delivering gifts?

Godspeed, Captain.

I spent weeks learning how
tobark out Cardassian small talk.

Seems like they
just changed locations.

- I don't think it was a slight on the Cerritos.
- Yeah, right.

Nobody respects us, because
we don't demand their respect.

This ship is a joke.

Well, then we're the funniest
joke in all of Starfleet.

Shut up, Jack!
I'm sick of it.

We have to do something to prove

that this crew isn't
a bunch of slackers.

Okay, try it now.

Field strength is at..

- Ooh!
- 100%

You almost phasered me!

Calm down. It's set to...

Uh, it was...
it was set to stun.

Hey, Boimler, how's the field
integrity looking in there?

Uh... oh!

It's good.

Okay. Computer, margaritas.
Frozen. Salt.

Wait, don't we have to report

that we're done
so we can get a new task?

Don't sweat it, baby girl...
likemany things, commanders have

no idea how long it takes
to balance a phase variance.

You never admit the actual
amount of time it takes

to finish a job... if you did,
your days would be packed.

- Isn't that lying?
- No. It's creative estimating.

When you get an assignment,

you exaggerate
how long it's gonna take,

then you're a hero
when it's done early.

Eh, it's just a little
buffer time. No biggie.

And you're okay with this?

No! If it were up to me,
we'd never take a break.

But it's Lower Decks tradition.

Tendi, how long will it take
to repair a biobed?

Oh, uh, that would take
about five...

hours.

Excuse me?

That's great!

Aw, Tendi, look at us.

Lower Decks...
breaching protocol together.

Friendship!

Oh, be sure to stroll throughthe
ship as slowly as possible.

It's not like
we're busy exploring

the mysteries of the cosmos!

Does no one do any work
around here?!

- Geez, there goes buffer time.
- What was that, Ensign?

Uh, nothing, Captain.

- Uh...
- Bridge.

Cap'n. I mean, Captain.

Anything to report, Ensign?

Uh, keeping busy.
I inventoried Cargo Bay Four,

assisted with the baryon sweep

of the warp nacelles,
skipped buffer time

and went straight to
work on...-Turbolift halt!

What is "buffer time"?

Uh...

What's up with you?
You're looking more, like,

- weaselly than usual.
- Well, th-that's just how my face looks.

You-you know that.

Oh.

"Effective immediately,
the Lower Deck scheduling deceit

will no longer be tolerated"?

What scheduling deceit?

Wait. Let me see.
"All assignments

"must be completed and logged
in exactly the time mandated

- by command"?
- Are we being timed?

"Failure to meet quotas
will not be tolerated."

Ah, this is bad, this is bad.

I-I thought it was tradition. I
thought you said nobody cared.

They didn't. There was no way
the captain noticed

we were padding stuff out.

Somebody ratted.

I bet it was Delta shift.

Yeah. Delta shift is the worst.

They thinkthey're so much better than us,

just becausethey're so much better than us.

It doesn't matter who ratted.
We don't need buffer time.

We're Starfleet.
We're the best of the best,

and we can still get
everything done early.

Boimler's right.
We don't need a buffer time.

- We've got this!
- Yeah, no, yeah, you're probably right.

What's one less margarita a day?

Excuse me!

Watch it.

Rutherford,
I need that diagnostic

on the guidance system, now!

But now is right now!

Move!

- Move, move, move, move!
- Aah!

Come on,
watch where you're going.

Now I only have ten minutes
to do a 30-minute calibration.

Stop yelling!

Uh, sorry, wish I could help.

I'm late for Ransom's
stupid away mission.

Ensign
Tendi! You were supposed to be

in sickbay 20 minutes ago!

- I'm coming!
- Personal Log:

I've completed all of today's
assignments ahead of schedule,

and have requested more.

The funnestfrontier?

Ooh. Somebody's got to purge
the calibration matrix.

I call dibs!

♪ Ooh, I love purgin'

♪ I purge you, I purge you,
I purge you, I purge you ♪ - [groans]

♪ I purge, purge, purge,
purge, purge, purge, purge ♪

♪ And a puh and an urge
and a puh and an urge ♪

♪ Ooh, I love purgin'!

All right, let's see
a little hustle there, guys.

An away mission is
only routineuntil it isn't.

Horned gorillas, sentient tar,

spores that make you hook
upwith your best friend's sister...

all disasters
I've personally experienced

on missions that should
have been a walk in the park.

Mariner, you're late.

Uh, no, I've been here
the whole time, you know,

loading stuff, hearing aboutgorillas,
uh, spores, et cetera,

that weird story you told
usabout your best friend's sister.

Get it together, Mariner.

The captain has us
on a strict timetable.

Well, then maybe you could help

instead of whatever you're doingright now.

I am helping.
I'm commanding.

You're lucky your
phaser accuracy is so high,

or I'd never let you
beam off this ship.

We wouldn't even be going
on a mission if the admiral

hadn't downgraded the captain
to delivering gifts.

- Come on, let's bail.
- No. And roll down those sleeves.

This isn't a barn.

The Gelrakians base
their entire social structure

around crystals.

When we land, we must display
the honor crystal they gave

to the first contact team
to show that we come in peace.

I should've tried that
with my ex.

Yeah.

I'm picking up an increase
in atmospheric hydromounds.

Yeah,
they're called clouds, man.

Just to be safe,
I'll disengage autopilot

and land her manually.

That's literally
what the autopilot's for.

It's a automatic pilot.

Perfect landing, sir.

Not even my best work,
to be honest.

- We could've just beamed down.
- I didn't catch that, Mariner.

Uh, yeah I just said we should
get going, clock is ticking.

Uh, productivity and et cetera.

We'll go when I give the order.

Let's roll.

Greetings. It is an honor to...

Ensign Vendome, the honor crystal.

- This isn't crystals.
- He's got wood. He's got wood!

Uh-oh, that doesn't
sound peaceful.

- Uh, uh...
- Where's the crystal, Vendome?

Sir, I loaded the wrong case.

This is a fertility totem
meant for Mavok Prime.

I-I was rushing
to finish my tasks.

You dare insult us

with this perverted woodensex
charm of our sworn enemies?

This is an act of war.

Starfleet scum!

Vendome!

There's too many of them.
Fall back!

Come on.

- Oh, God, I'm gonna die!
- We live on a spaceship.

Nobody is dying
from a spear wound.

Crystals!

- Oh. Hate when this happens.
- Oh!

Let's just stun them
and get out of here!

Negative, we just signed them
into the Federation.

What this calls for
is some classic

Jack Ransom peace brokering.

Are you out of your mind?

Watch and learn.

This is gonna be awesome.

Attention, Gelrakians,
I am Commander Jack...

Ooh!

All right, that wasawesome.

Ah, circled by spears.

This is a classic.
What am I, Kirk?

Is this the 2260s?
All right.

Whoa, oh, hey, hey!

Uh, we got acid here.

Excuse me!

Rutherford.

Aah, Tendi, what the hell?

Can't talk, got to work.

I'm compiling.

What?

The impulse manifold needs
to be degaussed again.

I have to assist with a surgery,

and I honestly can't remember
which deck sickbay is on!

- Uh, 26?
- Is that...?

Do we have that many?

Enter security code.

- I'm waiting, Ensign.
- Sorry, Captain.

Something's wrong
with the console.

Move! I'll do it myself.

Lieutenant Shaxs,
any word from the away team?

Captain, the sensors have
picked up Gelrakian ships

approaching
off the starboard bow.

What?

On screen.

Are we supposed to be hosting

a welcome dinner or something?

Captain,
they're locking phasers.

Really?

Raise shields.

- Shaxs?
- I'm trying, Captain.

Something's wrong
with the controls.

Ah, stupid controls.

Do I have to run
this whole ship myself?

They've launched boarding pods!

Red alert!

Repel all intruders,
but do not use it as an excuse

to stop doing
what you are doing.

I want to stay on track
and on time.

It's called
multi-tasking, people.

They do it on the Enterprise
all the time.

I don't want to hear anycomplaining,
I only want to hear

repelling of intruders andpeople
getting their work done!

Swords and spears... how
did these guys get on board?

Hey, guy.

Hey, guy?

Hey, guy, is this what you
wanted to do with your life?

Just capture people... is thatwhat
you dreamt of when you were

a little whatever-you-are?
Are you fulfilled by that?

- Yes.
- Wow, all right, uh...

well, do you know what,
that means you're lame.

- You're a loser.
- Hey, keep it down!

I'm writing a speech that will
convince them to let us go.

A speech, seriously?
Permission to speak freely.

You always speak freely.

Nobody can stop you
from speaking freely.

All right, you know
what you've got going on?

You have broad shoulders
and shiny hair

and you talk a good game,
but when it comes to actually

doing the job... the job...
you don't have it.

I'm calling bull
on your whole thing here, sir.

You're so busy breaking
protocolthat you never look ahead.

One of these days you're going
to get someone killed, Ensign.

With all due respect, sir,

my friends aren't trapped
in an alien prison,

your team is.

That's not myteam, it's ourteam.

But I guess
you don't think that way.

Here we go, show time.

We may come
from different worlds,

- but on the inside we are all...
- Silence, Starfleet!

You are being held responsiblefor
the lies of the Federation.

Your trial will be by combat.

Yes, now we're talking!

And by "talking," of course,
I mean "fighting."

One of you must face
our greatest champion, Vindor.

Usually we start the battle
andVindor steps out of the shadows

and it's super intimidating,
but he's here,

so I'm just gonna show him
to you right now.

Vindor.

If you win, we let you go.

If you lose, you'll be dead
and your away team

will be crushed
by the adjudication geode.

Crystals!

Okay, I'm looking at
a lot of blank faces here.

An adjudication geode is
a special type

of constitutional crystal we
useto legally smoosh our criminals.

Here is your battle blade.

You have one hour to choose

who gets the honorof
being slaughtered by Vindor.

If you can't decide, we will...

- I'll do it!
- I'll do it! Give it to me!

- Yo, I touched it first.
- Give it, come...

- Tell him! No, me!
- No, mine!

You do realize you're
fighting over who gets

to be chopped in half
by Vindor, right?

- Me, dibs!
- No, I said me,

- I touched it first.
- Come on. Give it to me.

- Jack Ransom... it's mine!
- No! No!

Aah!

Translation...
"Bark hugging root smoochers"?

What the heck
got these guys so wound up?

Gah, this is totally gonna
mess up my schedule.

Don't move, human!

We have you surrounded.

Yeah, but I-I have a phaser.

These guys are lightweights.

This is what
the red alert's about?

Captain, I just phasered
some Gelrakians?

- Um, hello?
- Intruder!

Oh, it's just that huffy ensign.

- Sorry, Brimler.
- I'm not huffy.

Why aren't you at your post?

We wouldn't even be
in this situation

if you weren't slacking off.

I'm not!

Damn it!
We're 15 minutes behind.

Our entire schedule is going
to be off for the month.

Wait a minute... clocks,

time, schedules.

You guys are under
the strict scheduling, too?

I have to be... I'm manning
every station on my own.

What? No, no, no, no, no.

This is all wrong...
you're the captain!

I need us working harder
and faster and stricter!

Where are you
hiding your crystals?!

We don't have any crystals!

I mean we do have dilithium,
but we're not giving you those.

Trial by combat is
my responsibility.

I'm ranking officer, I'll be
fighting Vindor, end of story!

Rank means nothing right now.

Rank means everything always!

You know what, I doget off
on breaking protocol.

I'm good at exploring
strange new worlds,

solving space mysteries
and kicking asses.

Protocol is for people that
need to be told what to do,

which I don't.
See this bad boy?

Tentacle guy, bunch of arms.

Stabbed me
with a barnacle blade.

Check it out... Magus III,
Nanibia Prime, Scottsdale.

That was a mess.

I earned every one
in high-concept fights

just like this one.

So? What do you got?

- Let me see your scars.
- You know I don't have any.

Because you play it safe.

You said it... that's ourteam
under that geode.

Let me do what I'm good at,
let me save them.

Sometimes you have to do
what's wrong to survive.

You're right.

What the?!
Ah, God, oh!

You stabbed me in the foot
with a battle blade!

I'd rather die than let you
put your life on the line.

Oh, you are such a psycho!

What are you doing?

Ow! Why?

I'm the first officer
of a Federation starship,

and your commander.

And nobody crushes my team.

Let's do this!

Vindor! Vindor!

Vindor! Vindor!

Vindor!

- Vindor?
- Come on, big guy.

I only need my hands
for this one.

Ha-ha-ha! Yah!

Ha-ha!

- Double-fist punch!
- Oh!

Whoa, that was actually
kind of hot.

Ugh! Get it together, Mariner,
get it together.

You are notinto this.
Come on.

Let's see how much
those Federation wood lovers

like our crystal graffiti.
Ha-ha-ha!

I-I need to get back to comms.

- Captain, listen to me...
- Don't touch me!

This is all my fault, thinking
I belong at a peace summit

when I can't even keep
my own ship together.

What? Captain, no.
You did nothing wrong.

Your schedules, your rules...

this has been
the greatest week of my life.

You run the tightest ship
in Starfleet.

Captain, we need to act now!

"Tightest ship."
Then why is it falling apart?

Because not everyone is
a Boimler.

This crew has their limits.
They're only human.

Well, and Vulcan.
And Orion.

There's that Benzite guy
in Tactical...

Damn it, man!
If you're trying to inspire

some sort of resolution,
then inspire it now!

Ugh, it kills me to say this,
but for the good of the ship

we have to... loosen up.

Loosen up? But then we're
right back to buffer time.

Yes, when people could do
whatever they had to

to get the job done.

You're a great captain.
Let them be a great crew.

You're... you're right!

I ama great captain!

As of now,

I am authorizing
all crew to break any rule,

abandon any protocol,
and cut any corner to defend

theCerritos.

You are Starfleet...

Do what you have to do
to take back this ship.

Buffer time!

I demand

a peaceful negotiation. Yah!

I respect your sovereignty.

Mm, so ethical.

Interlocked hands!

Stop! Stop! I submit!

I thought
you only said "Vindor."

It's so the other guys think
I'm strong and dumb.

But I'm not.
I love to read!

Well, all right,
you're free, you're all free.

Everybody's free.

Whoo-whoo! Starfleet!

Oh, I see how it is...
you're gonna stab me, but then

you don't stab Vindor? What
are your priorities, Ransom?

I ju... Whoa!

We got to stop doing
trial by combat,

or we'll never get to use
the geode.

How about a regular trial,
with a judge?

And instead of the geode...

Oh! We could do a death race!

Start building a crystal car!

Crystals.

Ha-ha!

Ooh!

Oh!

Hey, sorry about the whole
"invading your ship" thing.

You know?
Very un-crystal-like of us.

Don't worry about it.
I'd rather be here with you

than with those freaks
on Mavok Prime.

Wood-worshiping freaks, right?

Come on.

You'll be fine.

Want me to clean up
those disgusting scars?

Uh, no way.
No. These are my trophies.

Congratulations, you look like
a scratching post.

- Mariner.
- Commander.

I would appreciate it
if you give me a heads-up

before you file your report. It
would give me some extra time

to pack up my free weights...
there's a ton of 'em.

- What report?
- For stabbing you with a battle blade.

That's a guaranteed
court-martial.

I am not filing a report,
actually.

But... I thought you hated me.

You talk about yourself
a little too much,

but stabbing me,
breaking protocol...

that was actually pretty cool.

Sometimes I forget
what Starfleet's all about,

and today you reminded me.

Plus, this is gonna make
a good scar.

A great scar.

- Take her away, boys!
- W-Wait, what? Why?

Because you ignored me
when I ordered you

to roll down your sleeves.
They're against code.

The sleeve thing?
You're an idiot.

You just earned an extra day
in the brig!

Joke's on you, man...
I love the brig!

I'm going to my favorite place!

Next time, I'm gonnalet somebody kill you.

I'm gonna dance in your blood!

Okay. That was kind of hot.

Come.

You wanted to see me,
Captain?-It took the eyes of a child

to see what we were blind to today,
Boimler.

If it wasn't for you,
we would still be following

every little rule in the book.

Wait, is that bad?
'Cause I loverules.

We're instituting
a new ship-wide mandate,

and we're calling it
the "Boimler Effect."

Really? I-I'm honored.

You should be.
The Boimler Effect is about

encouraging shortcuts
and preventing people

from just blindly following
the rules.

From now on, the crew
can build in buffer time

whenever they deem fit.

Congratulations. Dismissed.

Oh. Well, hey,
how about we add a little thing

about how important it is
to blindly followrules?

If my name is going
to be associated with...

No, the Boimler Effect
isliterally the opposite of that.

But I don't know, I don't know
how I feel about that, and...

I-Is it in ink? Is it already
in the system? Is it...

Wow, it's on a plaque.

Get back to your stationand do whatever
youdeem right.

I get a whole rule
named after me,

and it's all about
notfollowing rules.

Don't worry about it, man.

They're always making upnew
rules no one ever remembers.

I'm sure this one
will fade, too.

Yeah, this isn't something
to worry about.

No one will remember.

Which is why

the Boimler Effect
issomething we will never forget.

So named after the laziest,

most corner-cutting officer
in Starfleet history,

Brad Boimler,

seen here with one of
the great birds of the galaxy.

Anyway, let's move onto
somebody even more important,

perhaps the most important
person in Starfleet history,

Chief Miles O'Brien.

Chirp.