Star Trek: Deep Space Nine (1993–1999): Season 5, Episode 9 - The Ascent - full transcript
When Odo and Quark crash land, they must put aside their differences to climb a mountain to signal for help. Jake and Nog try to be roommates, but their different styles clash.
Don't you think you
might be overpacking?
It'll close.
You don't have to take
everything at once.
It's not like you're
moving to Bajor.
1-G-12 is practically
right next door.
I know, but I'm not moving
to 1-G-12.
Huh?
I found some great quarters
over in Section M.
That's all the way
on the other side
of the Habitat Ring.
Dad, don't get all
sentimental on me.
Wait till your son
moves out on you.
I don't have a son.
Ha!
Hoo-hoo!
Go ahead, Jake.
Make jokes.
One day, you'll be
standing where I am
and believe me,
you won't like it
any more than I do.
Yeah, maybe, but right now,
I'm standing here
and I can't wait
to spend my first night
in my own place.
See?
I told you it'd close.
Now, wait, wait.
Let me get this straight.
I can visit any time I want
but I have to call first.
You're not available
for breakfast or lunch
but I can count
on one dinner a week.
Yeah, well, some weeks,
maybe even two.
Oh. I have raised
a very generous son.
You and Nog moving in together.
I can remember
when I didn't even want you
talking to him.
Yeah, well, things change.
They sure do.
Come in.
Oh, it's you?
Who'd you think it was?
Nog.
How could it be Nog?
His ship hasn't even docked yet.
I guess I wasn't thinking.
What else is new?
Can I help it if I'm excited?
My son is coming home.
Root beer?
His favorite.
I don't know
how to thank you, Brother.
Ten slips of latinum
ought to do it.
Do you think he'd mind
if I had one for myself?
I'd mind.
My own brother
drinking root beer.
It's so... hu-man.
Mmm... and bubbly.
That's him.
That's him.
Come in.
Wrong again.
Constable.
Care for a root beer?
No, but you have something
I do want.
Whatever it is, I didn't do it.
Don't tell me.
Tell the Federation Grand Jury
on Inferna Prime.
Federation Grand Jury?
Brother, what have you done now?
I haven't done anything.
What do they want
to talk to me for?
Oh, I think you know.
Odo, I have no idea
what this is all about.
Well, then,
you'll have eight days
to try and guess.
We leave immediately.
"We"?
I've been waiting
ten years for you
to get what you deserve.
Now that the big moment
is finally here
I wouldn't miss it for anything.
Let's go.
Brother!
What?
I'll say "Hi" to Nog for you.
Yeah.
So, how much longer
till we reach Inferna Prime?
Oh, I'd say 191 hours
and 17 minutes
give or take a day.
In that case,
we better find something
to occupy our time.
Care for a game of fizzbin?
I don't play cards.
I'll teach you.
It's a very simple game.
Let me put it another way.
I don't want to play cards
and even if I did, I wouldn't
want to play with you.
Afraid you'd lose?
You know, Odo, I used to think
all your problems
stemmed from the fact
that you were a changeling.
Isolated from your own kind
forced to live among strangers
who didn't understand you.
You couldn't eat,
you couldn't drink
you couldn't sleep,
you couldn't make love.
Was it any wonder
you had such a bad disposition?
But you're not
a changeling anymore.
You're one of us.
Life is yours for the taking.
All you have to do
is reach out and grab it.
But do you?
No.
Because solid or changeling,
you're still a miserable
self-hating misanthrope.
That's who you are,
and that's who you'll always be.
I'm still not playing cards
with you.
Fine. Then we'll just sit here
for a week in silence.
What are you reading?
Nothing that would interest you.
Don't be so sure.
Quark, give me that.
What are you going to do,
arrest me?
"He walked towards her,
the wooden deck
"heaving to and fro
beneath his booted feet.
"Her hands moved
to the brooch at her throat.
"She unclasped it,
and the cloak fell
"from her shoulders
"her wet skin glistening
in the moonlight.
"Lightning flashed
and heaven's thunder roared
in rhythm with the
beating of their hearts."
All right, enough.
Odo, I take it all back.
You're obviously
a lot more complicated
than I thought.
If you like that kind of thing
I might be interested
in selling you
my first edition
of Vulcan Love Slave.
This is work, not recreation.
Books like this
give me an insight
into the criminal mind.
It is a well-known fact
that a high percentage
of homicides
are motivated
by romantic obsession.
Well, no one gets killed
in Vulcan Love Slave
but it's still a hell of a read.
Oh, give it up, Quark.
You can annoy me, bait me,
question my very existence
but in the end,
we both know I've won.
Because when all
is said and done
I'll be heading back
to Deep Space 9
and you'll be spending
the rest of your life
in a Federation penal colony.
I'm not there yet.
Mm-hmm.
Look, Odo, give me a chance.
At least, tell me
what the charges are.
I'm afraid I can't do that.
This is a high-security
investigation.
I'm not allowed to discuss
the specifics with anyone.
Now...
if you'll excuse me...
I have some reading to do.
Cadet Nog,
reporting for duty, sir.
At ease, Cadet.
All right.
Yes, sir.
Thank you, sir.
I remember my sophomore year.
Field studies, Starbase 137.
When I first got there,
I was a little apprehensive...
but it turned out to be
one of the best experiences
of my life.
Yes, sir.
Well.
Now, the key to field study
is simple.
Keep your eyes and ears open,
follow orders
and try not to get in the way.
Yes, sir.
Very good, sir.
I won't let you down.
I'd like to say,
on a personal note
I'm glad you and Jake
are going to be roommates.
Yes, sir.
I'm sure the two of you
are going to have, uh...
a lot of fun together.
Yes, sir.
Time permitting, sir.
I mean, if I'm not too busy.
After all, I am here to work.
Don't worry, sir.
I'll look after him for you.
Set a good example.
Keep him out of trouble.
You inspire me
with confidence, Cadet.
Dismissed.
How'd it go?
I inspire him.
Congratulations.
Now don't let him down.
You can count on me, sir.
Lights!
So, what do you think?
I think I've died
and gone to the Divine Treasury.
After living
in cadet barracks
for the past year,
this is going to be paradise.
Yeah, I know what you mean.
We're on our own now.
No one to tell us what to do.
Well, before we unpack
we should call maintenance
to clean this place.
They were here yesterday.
Well, if you want
something done right
you have to do it yourself.
I'll do the clean on
the odd-numbered days.
And you'll do it
on the even ones.
We're going to clean every day?
No, just the odd and even ones.
Look, I'd better start
bringing in my things.
I don't want to be up
too late unpacking.
So what do you want
to do tonight?
Dom-jot? Holosuites?
I wish I could,
but once we eat and unpack
it'll be time for bed.
Lights out at 2200.
I haven't gone to bed that early
since I was 12.
Go to sleep whenever you want,
but don't forget
we're hitting the gym at 0430.
The gym?
Muscles, Jake.
You know, those things
that are supposed to go
between your bones
and your skin?
Yeah, I've heard of them.
Good. 'Cause by the time
I'm done with you
you'll have some
of your very own.
You're doing it again.
Doing what?
Smacking your lips.
No, I'm not.
There.
Don't you hear that?
The only thing
I've heard
for the past four days
is you complaining.
This whole runabout is alive
with annoying little noises.
Listen.
To what?
That buzzing noise.
I don't hear a thing.
It started over an hour ago.
If you don't like the noises
in here
why don't you go into the back?
Because it's even colder
back there than it is up here.
Quark, leave the
temperature controls alone.
I will, when I get it right.
There it is again.
What?
That buzzing noise.
Don't you hear it?
With all this lip smacking
how could I hear anything?
Where's it coming from?
Inside your head.
Shh!
Bzzz...
I said be quiet!
It's coming from here.
It's probably
a defective anodyne circuit.
Defective anodyne circuits
make a hissing sound.
This is a buzz.
We'd better open up this hatch.
If this is some sort
of convoluted plot
to escape...
Stop being so suspicious.
That's odd.
The buzzing's changed pitch.
It's gotten louder, too.
I can hear it now.
What could it be?
Let's find out.
Don't tell me.
Let me guess.
It's a bomb.
Next time I tell you
I hear something,
maybe you'll listen.
Let's hope there
is a next time.
I'm going to get
a transporter lock
on this thing
and beam it out of here.
What if it's set to go off
if someone tries
to transport it?
What do you suggest,
we wait for it to explode?
Fine.
Beam it out
but at least try
and channel the explosion
through the
transporter buffer.
I hope this works.
We did it!
We're safe.
I wouldn't be
so sure about that!
Com system's down.
Navigational array's failing.
Environmental controls
are badly damaged.
Oh. We're losing atmosphere.
What now?
Now we find someplace to land.
Land?
You mean crash.
It's either that
or wait for our lungs to explode
in the vacuum of space.
Ah! I'm picking up
a Class-L planet
on long-range scanners.
Barely habitable.
More habitable than this thing's
going to be
in a few minutes.
How close?
Close enough...
I hope.
If we live through this
whoever planted that bomb
is going to regret it.
Believe me, you don't want
to get anywhere near
the Orion Syndicate.
The Orion Syndicate?
Is that who the Grand Jury's
investigating?
I thought you knew.
If I knew you were involved
in the Orion Syndicate
you'd be on the Defiant
right now
surrounded by half my deputies.
Let me guess.
You pretended to know
more than you did
so I'd think
I had nothing to hide
and say something
to incriminate myself.
Something like that.
This is all your fault.
You're the one who's a member
of the Orion Syndicate.
I'm not a member.
I just know people
who know people
who know some other people,
and besides...
Someone adjust the temperature.
It's freezing in here.
Actually...
it's freezing out there.
Out there?
Uh... yeah.
Now I remember.
You were apologizing
for almost getting
us both killed.
Huh! If that's
how you remember it
you must've hit your head
harder than I thought you did.
I guess there's
nothing we can do now
except send out
a distress signal
and wait to be rescued.
Good plan, except we lost the
com system in the explosion.
That's not good.
Gets worse.
The replicator's been destroyed.
From what I can tell,
the local plants are poisonous.
Then I guess
we're stuck with field rations.
That's right...
one package for you
one package for me.
The rest...
I know, I know.
Destroyed in the explosion.
So now what?
Now we either freeze to death
or starve to death.
Take your pick.
It's about time you woke up.
I thought you were
going to sleep all day.
You should stretch a little
before you start your workout.
I think I'll pass
this morning.
You pass every morning.
You can work out
for the both of us.
You don't know
what you're missing.
A healthy body, a healthy mind.
Please, Nog, no cliches
before breakfast.
Orange juice, extra large.
A healthy way
to start the day.
A writer and a poet.
What's this?
"Past Prologue."
What's it doing here?
I found it while
I was cleaning up.
Really, Jake, is it that hard
to keep this place clean?
You read my story?
What'd you think?
"Disposal" is spelled
with an "i."
That's it?
That's all you have to say?
I didn't really read it
for content.
I mostly corrected
your spelling and grammar.
You changed my words?
Just a few.
A preposition here
some punctuation there.
You can't change
a writer's words
without his permission.
That's sacrilege!
All right.
Next time, I'll let you
make the changes.
There won't be a next time.
From now on, if you see
my stories lying around here
don't read them.
Don't even touch them.
Just leave them
right where they are.
No problem.
Just put them away
when you're not working on them.
Time to hit the shower.
Duty calls.
Remember, start
with the lighter weights
and work your way up.
Quark, what are you doing
back there?
You need any help?
You want to help?
Here.
I thought you were supposed
to be repairing
the subspace transmitter.
I was.
What's it doing out here?
The signal booster's
completely shot
which means there's no way
we can transmit
a distress signal
through a planetary atmosphere.
I see.
So you tore it out of the wall
in frustration.
Actually, I came up with a way
to save our lives.
Mm-hmm.
All we have to do
is haul this transmitter
to higher ground.
More altitude, less atmosphere.
Go high enough, and we might
be able to get a signal out.
And how much higher
do we have to go?
Uh... carry the seven
take the square root
times pi...
I'd say, uh...
that high.
I'm ready when you are.
Where'd you find that?
In the back.
It's pretty cozy.
Great.
Then I won't need this.
I'll just get a suit for myself.
We can be on our way.
Don't bother.
This is the only one
that wasn't destroyed
in the explosion.
You mean, there's only
one survival suit
and you're going to wear it?
Finders keepers.
Besides, carrying this
transmitter up the mountain
should keep you warm.
Here we go.
How can it be so cold
when the sun is shining?
It isn't much of a sun
and this isn't
much of a planet.
And you've got a lot of nerve
complaining about being cold
when you're the one
wearing the jacket.
Well, you agreed
to take turns.
Under duress.
Oh, I hate this.
If I was still a changeling
I could've shape-shifted
into a Vorian pterodactyl
and flown
that damn transmitter
to the top of
the mountain hours ago.
You're the one
who wanted to be a solid.
I never wanted to be a solid.
Oh, please.
I used to see you
coming into the bar,
watching Morn eat...
eyeing my customers
as they gambled and flirted
with the dabo girls
wishing you were one of them.
Not to mention
your platonic friendship
with a certain Bajoran Major.
If that's the kind
of psychological insight
you dispense with your drinks
it's a wonder you have
any customers.
Deny it all you want
but the fact is, your people
gave you what you wanted.
You're one of us now
and I can finally
sit on a chair
and know with absolute certainty
that it isn't you.
Quark! Quark!
What?
Uh... if you've damaged
that transmitter...
I'm fine, thank you very much
and so is the transmitter.
Here, let me help you up.
No, thanks.
I think I'll just lay here
and freeze to death.
All right, all right,
you've made your point.
I'll carry the transmitter
for a while.
And I get to wear the jacket.
But I get the trousers.
You did a good job today, Nog.
You've an excellent grasp
of mechanical engineering.
Ferengis have a natural
talent for figures, sir.
So what's your posting tomorrow?
Cargo Bay 6...
customs inspection.
Ah, well, that
could be interesting.
If you're planning on being
a customs inspector.
Hey, Nog.
Not again.
When I left this morning,
this place was spotless.
Yeah, that was nine hours ago.
You can't keep our quarters
clean for one day?
A man's got to live
and sometimes, living is messy.
But it doesn't
have to stay messy!
I'm going to the Replimat
to get something to eat.
And when I come back
I expect to see this place
straightened up.
I'm working on a story
right now.
I'll do it in the morning.
This isn't a story.
It's computerized dom-jot!
Sometimes, when I get stuck,
I play dom-jot.
It clears my mind.
Well, while you're at it
how about clearing a path
to the bedroom?
I told you, I'm busy.
Jake, this isn't
what we agreed to.
We didn't agree to anything.
You've been shouting orders
ever since you moved in here.
I'm not in Starfleet.
Lucky for you.
You wouldn't last
a day at the Academy.
You're right.
I'd die of embarrassment
wearing those pajamas.
You know, I don't have
to take that
from an undisciplined jerk
like you.
Enjoy your dom-jot.
Where are you going?
Anywhere but here!
I'll get my things
in the morning.
I'll pack them for you.
Don't bother.
You couldn't fold a shirt
if your life depended on it.
What's that over there?
It's just another stone.
I can't believe it.
I've been walking
for three days
and I haven't seen
a single beetle.
I could really go
for a beetle right now...
any kind of beetle
just as long as it had
a little meat on it.
There are no beetles, Quark.
A nice slug would do.
There are no slugs, either.
No slugs, no beetles,
no worms, no snails.
Nothing but rocks and trees,
and we can't eat any of it.
If I collapse from hunger
you've got to carry me
and the transmitter.
You are not going to collapse.
We're almost to the tree line.
After that, we've only got a
few more hours of climbing left
before we can set up
the transmitter.
A few hours?
You mean like three?
Uh. More like six.
I could do six.
Seven might be pushing it,
but six I could do.
Come on.
Forget about six hours.
It's more like six days.
10,751... 10,752...
Quark...
10,753...
Quark!
I just want to know
how far we're going.
Every step down means
an extra step up.
Fine.
Then count to yourself.
I don't want to hear it anymore.
Fine.
Don't talk to me.
It's hard keeping track.
By the time the Grand Jury
gets through with you
you'll be counting years
instead of steps.
You know what's going to
make all this worthwhile?
What?
The look on your face
when they let me go.
Ha! Let you go?
I don't think so.
And you call yourself
a detective.
The Orion Syndicate
tried to kill me.
They never kill their own.
They don't need to.
Any one of them would
take their own life
before testifying
against the Syndicate.
Don't you get it?
I'm not a suspect.
I'm a witness.
Now you made me lose count.
10,785.
Thank you.
Now, let me get this straight.
You were never a member
of the Orion Syndicate?
I hate to disappoint you.
But you must have tried to join.
I don't want to talk about it.
Ah...
Now, if I remember correctly
the Orion Syndicate
has a membership fee...
quite a substantial one...
and the Ferengi
Commerce Authority
did seize all your assets.
Oh, it's even worse
than that, isn't it?
You never could afford
to join, could you?
All those years of scheming
and lying and cheating
and you're still too small-time
for the Orions.
Well...
I guess you're not as
successful a businessman
as you think you are.
Which means you spent
the last ten years
of your life
trying to catch a nobody.
With little success,
I might add.
So you tell me... which one of us
is the bigger failure?
10,788... 10,789...
10,790, 10,791...
Snail juice, extra shells.
Make it a double.
Captain, may I join you?
Be my guest.
I wanted to ask you...
about Nog.
You know, my son?
I think I've met him.
Have you noticed anything...
strange about him lately?
He seems fine to me.
He's just more dedicated
than when he left.
I've noticed.
A year at the Academy
will do that to people.
You think it's the Academy?
What else could it be?
I was afraid
he might be the changeling.
So, while he was asleep,
I drew some blood
just to make sure.
It's been eight hours.
So far, so good.
Rom, he's still your son.
He's just taking his duties
very seriously, that's all.
Nog's moved back in
with me, you know.
It's horrible.
He put me on report
the other day.
Said my tool kit was untidy.
That's the exact word
he used... untidy.
Oh, I wouldn't worry about it.
He's just going
through a phase, that's all.
I was hoping living
with Jake would relax him.
I'm afraid Jake's going through
a phase of his own.
I don't know
what's so difficult
about putting a dirty dish
back into the replicator.
Nog says Jake is
a slovenly, undisciplined,
unfocused... writer.
Not an unfair assessment.
You know, I sometimes wish
Jake had a little more
of Nog's self-discipline.
And I wish Nog had Jake's
ability to enjoy himself.
Those two could learn
a lot from each other.
If we could only get them
in the same room.
Quark, wake up.
We've got a mountain to climb.
Quark.
Quark?
Quark?
Quark.
Wake up.
Wake up.
Wake, wake, Quark!
Stop hitting me!
I thought you were dead.
And you saw that
as an opportunity
to vent years of hostility
towards me?
Towards me...
towards... me...
hostility...
What's wrong?
What?
I said what's the matter.
I'm deaf.
I'm deaf in my right ear.
I can't hear anything.
Hello. Hello? Hello?
Hello. Hello.
Hello... hello.
Would you stop doing that?
You don't understand.
A one-eared Ferengi
is only half a man.
We got to get out of here.
My body's shutting down.
It's too cold.
There's not enough to eat.
I'm dying!
We both are!
We're not dying!
Here, here. You can have
the rest of my rations.
These aren't rations.
These are crumbs.
You can't climb a mountain
on crumbs.
Fine.
I'll go by myself.
You're going to leave me?
What do you want me to do?
Stay here and trade insults
until we both starve to death?
I'd rather take my chances
on the mountain.
Whose turn is it
to carry the transmitter?
Yours.
Figures.
Figures?
Figures.
I hate this transmitter,
and I hate this mountain
and most of all,
I hate the Orion Syndicate
for stranding us here.
I think we both know
who's really to blame.
Don't try and blame
this on me, Constable.
It was your job to get me
to Inferna Prime safely.
But you never told me
the Orion Syndicate
was after you.
You never asked.
If I had, would you
have told me the truth
or would you have lied
like you... lie
about everything?
Have I ever told you how much
I hate that smug,
superior attitude of yours?
Have I ever told you
how much I hate
your endless whining,
your pathetic greed
your idiotic little schemes?
Well, I hate...
What do you hate?
You.
Well, that's fine with me
because I hate you, too.
You're nothing
but a petty thief.
You're an arrogant prude.
Lecher!
Freak.
Fraud!
Fascist!
Failure!
Oh...
Fascist!
Failure!
Fascist!
Fascist!
Quark?
What?
Are you all right?
I'm fine.
I'm not.
My leg is broken.
That should hold it together.
Now... we just have
to get you on it.
Stop looking at the leg.
You'll pass out again.
Not looking at it doesn't help.
I still know it's there.
I'm the one who should be
struggling to stay conscious.
I'm the one
who's in excruciating pain.
Speaking of pain,
this is probably going to hurt.
Oh... Quark...
there's no way you're going
to be able to drag me
up that mountain.
Just watch me.
Stop trying to be a hero!
You'll get to the top faster
if you leave me behind.
Don't you get it?
I'm not trying to rescue you.
I'm taking you along
as emergency rations.
If you die,
I'm going to eat you.
You're joking.
Waste not... want not.
Comfortable?
Not really.
Join the club.
Higher.
Hold on, Odo!
Hold on.
Hold on!
Quark.
It's over.
What do you mean, it's over?
I can't move.
We'll have to set up
the transmitter here.
We're not high enough.
You have to... leave me here
and go on by yourself.
Don't you understand?
I can't do it.
I'm half frozen.
I haven't eaten for days.
My muscles won't work anymore!
Odo?
Well, say something.
What is there to say?
If we stay here... we're dead.
I can't go any further.
If Sisko were here,
do you think he'd give up?
Or Worf, or Dax?
They're not here.
That's right.
It's just us.
Give me the transmitter!
What for?
Just... give it to me.
What are you doing?
What does it look like?
You'll never make it.
Maybe not.
You're trying to embarrass me,
aren't you?
You're trying to shame me
into carrying that thing
the rest of the way on my own.
Well, it's not going to work.
You might as well accept
the inevitable
and die with dignity.
That's what I'm going to do.
I'm just going
to lie here and die!
My brother will get the bar.
My nephew will be completely
corrupted by the Federation
and become
a Starfleet Captain...
and my bones...
will lie here and freeze...
unsold and unmourned.
Try not to break your other leg
while I'm gone.
I'll do my best.
Good luck.
Come in.
Dad.
I thought you were going
to call first.
Yeah, well.
Well, we've got a problem.
Well, what's wrong?
According to station regulations
these quarters require
two occupants or more.
I'm afraid you're going
to have to move out.
Smaller quarters.
All right, if I have to.
Well, that's the problem.
There are no smaller
quarters available.
So, where do I go?
I guess back home with me.
You're kidding.
Well, unless we can find
you another roommate.
Cadet!
Sir, I really must protest.
Cadets don't have that
privilege... neither do you.
Now...
I know the two of you
are very different people
but you're still friends
and somehow, some way,
you'll make this work.
I don't know.
Neither do I.
Well, I do
and I'm your Captain...
and I'm your father.
And what I say goes.
Good day, gentlemen.
Well... place hasn't
changed much, has it?
I guess not.
Are you going
to start cleaning again?
No. I've got to study.
Good, because it'll
take a long time
to clean up this pig sty.
It's not that bad.
It's bad.
Yeah.
You want to go to the gym?
Healthy body, healthy mind.
I have a better idea.
How about a game of dom-jot?
I'll let you break.
You're on.
Quark!
Quark!
Begin recording.
Chief of Security's Log,
final entry.
It looks like
Quark didn't make it.
Can't say I'm surprised.
You'll find his body
farther up the slope.
No doubt he'd want
to vacuum desiccate his remains
and auction them off.
Not that they're worth... much.
As for myself...
cremate me,
stick my ashes in my bucket
and shoot me
through the wormhole.
I might as well
end up where I began.
Or better yet...
Bashir to Infirmary.
Prepare an IV drip
of polynutrient solution.
Aye, sir.
I'm alive.
Yes. I'm going
to see you stay that way.
Quark?
We found him
on top of the mountain
slumped over
a subspace transmitter.
You mean he made it?
If it wasn't for his signal,
we never would have found you.
Looks like he saved
both of your lives.
I was afraid you'd say that.
Odo.
Odo! You awake?
I am now.
We survived.
We did.
I bet you were surprised.
I actually made it
all the way to the top.
Astounded.
You remember back there...
when I told you I hated you
and you told me you hated me?
Vividly.
I just wanted you to know...
I meant every word of it.
So did I.
might be overpacking?
It'll close.
You don't have to take
everything at once.
It's not like you're
moving to Bajor.
1-G-12 is practically
right next door.
I know, but I'm not moving
to 1-G-12.
Huh?
I found some great quarters
over in Section M.
That's all the way
on the other side
of the Habitat Ring.
Dad, don't get all
sentimental on me.
Wait till your son
moves out on you.
I don't have a son.
Ha!
Hoo-hoo!
Go ahead, Jake.
Make jokes.
One day, you'll be
standing where I am
and believe me,
you won't like it
any more than I do.
Yeah, maybe, but right now,
I'm standing here
and I can't wait
to spend my first night
in my own place.
See?
I told you it'd close.
Now, wait, wait.
Let me get this straight.
I can visit any time I want
but I have to call first.
You're not available
for breakfast or lunch
but I can count
on one dinner a week.
Yeah, well, some weeks,
maybe even two.
Oh. I have raised
a very generous son.
You and Nog moving in together.
I can remember
when I didn't even want you
talking to him.
Yeah, well, things change.
They sure do.
Come in.
Oh, it's you?
Who'd you think it was?
Nog.
How could it be Nog?
His ship hasn't even docked yet.
I guess I wasn't thinking.
What else is new?
Can I help it if I'm excited?
My son is coming home.
Root beer?
His favorite.
I don't know
how to thank you, Brother.
Ten slips of latinum
ought to do it.
Do you think he'd mind
if I had one for myself?
I'd mind.
My own brother
drinking root beer.
It's so... hu-man.
Mmm... and bubbly.
That's him.
That's him.
Come in.
Wrong again.
Constable.
Care for a root beer?
No, but you have something
I do want.
Whatever it is, I didn't do it.
Don't tell me.
Tell the Federation Grand Jury
on Inferna Prime.
Federation Grand Jury?
Brother, what have you done now?
I haven't done anything.
What do they want
to talk to me for?
Oh, I think you know.
Odo, I have no idea
what this is all about.
Well, then,
you'll have eight days
to try and guess.
We leave immediately.
"We"?
I've been waiting
ten years for you
to get what you deserve.
Now that the big moment
is finally here
I wouldn't miss it for anything.
Let's go.
Brother!
What?
I'll say "Hi" to Nog for you.
Yeah.
So, how much longer
till we reach Inferna Prime?
Oh, I'd say 191 hours
and 17 minutes
give or take a day.
In that case,
we better find something
to occupy our time.
Care for a game of fizzbin?
I don't play cards.
I'll teach you.
It's a very simple game.
Let me put it another way.
I don't want to play cards
and even if I did, I wouldn't
want to play with you.
Afraid you'd lose?
You know, Odo, I used to think
all your problems
stemmed from the fact
that you were a changeling.
Isolated from your own kind
forced to live among strangers
who didn't understand you.
You couldn't eat,
you couldn't drink
you couldn't sleep,
you couldn't make love.
Was it any wonder
you had such a bad disposition?
But you're not
a changeling anymore.
You're one of us.
Life is yours for the taking.
All you have to do
is reach out and grab it.
But do you?
No.
Because solid or changeling,
you're still a miserable
self-hating misanthrope.
That's who you are,
and that's who you'll always be.
I'm still not playing cards
with you.
Fine. Then we'll just sit here
for a week in silence.
What are you reading?
Nothing that would interest you.
Don't be so sure.
Quark, give me that.
What are you going to do,
arrest me?
"He walked towards her,
the wooden deck
"heaving to and fro
beneath his booted feet.
"Her hands moved
to the brooch at her throat.
"She unclasped it,
and the cloak fell
"from her shoulders
"her wet skin glistening
in the moonlight.
"Lightning flashed
and heaven's thunder roared
in rhythm with the
beating of their hearts."
All right, enough.
Odo, I take it all back.
You're obviously
a lot more complicated
than I thought.
If you like that kind of thing
I might be interested
in selling you
my first edition
of Vulcan Love Slave.
This is work, not recreation.
Books like this
give me an insight
into the criminal mind.
It is a well-known fact
that a high percentage
of homicides
are motivated
by romantic obsession.
Well, no one gets killed
in Vulcan Love Slave
but it's still a hell of a read.
Oh, give it up, Quark.
You can annoy me, bait me,
question my very existence
but in the end,
we both know I've won.
Because when all
is said and done
I'll be heading back
to Deep Space 9
and you'll be spending
the rest of your life
in a Federation penal colony.
I'm not there yet.
Mm-hmm.
Look, Odo, give me a chance.
At least, tell me
what the charges are.
I'm afraid I can't do that.
This is a high-security
investigation.
I'm not allowed to discuss
the specifics with anyone.
Now...
if you'll excuse me...
I have some reading to do.
Cadet Nog,
reporting for duty, sir.
At ease, Cadet.
All right.
Yes, sir.
Thank you, sir.
I remember my sophomore year.
Field studies, Starbase 137.
When I first got there,
I was a little apprehensive...
but it turned out to be
one of the best experiences
of my life.
Yes, sir.
Well.
Now, the key to field study
is simple.
Keep your eyes and ears open,
follow orders
and try not to get in the way.
Yes, sir.
Very good, sir.
I won't let you down.
I'd like to say,
on a personal note
I'm glad you and Jake
are going to be roommates.
Yes, sir.
I'm sure the two of you
are going to have, uh...
a lot of fun together.
Yes, sir.
Time permitting, sir.
I mean, if I'm not too busy.
After all, I am here to work.
Don't worry, sir.
I'll look after him for you.
Set a good example.
Keep him out of trouble.
You inspire me
with confidence, Cadet.
Dismissed.
How'd it go?
I inspire him.
Congratulations.
Now don't let him down.
You can count on me, sir.
Lights!
So, what do you think?
I think I've died
and gone to the Divine Treasury.
After living
in cadet barracks
for the past year,
this is going to be paradise.
Yeah, I know what you mean.
We're on our own now.
No one to tell us what to do.
Well, before we unpack
we should call maintenance
to clean this place.
They were here yesterday.
Well, if you want
something done right
you have to do it yourself.
I'll do the clean on
the odd-numbered days.
And you'll do it
on the even ones.
We're going to clean every day?
No, just the odd and even ones.
Look, I'd better start
bringing in my things.
I don't want to be up
too late unpacking.
So what do you want
to do tonight?
Dom-jot? Holosuites?
I wish I could,
but once we eat and unpack
it'll be time for bed.
Lights out at 2200.
I haven't gone to bed that early
since I was 12.
Go to sleep whenever you want,
but don't forget
we're hitting the gym at 0430.
The gym?
Muscles, Jake.
You know, those things
that are supposed to go
between your bones
and your skin?
Yeah, I've heard of them.
Good. 'Cause by the time
I'm done with you
you'll have some
of your very own.
You're doing it again.
Doing what?
Smacking your lips.
No, I'm not.
There.
Don't you hear that?
The only thing
I've heard
for the past four days
is you complaining.
This whole runabout is alive
with annoying little noises.
Listen.
To what?
That buzzing noise.
I don't hear a thing.
It started over an hour ago.
If you don't like the noises
in here
why don't you go into the back?
Because it's even colder
back there than it is up here.
Quark, leave the
temperature controls alone.
I will, when I get it right.
There it is again.
What?
That buzzing noise.
Don't you hear it?
With all this lip smacking
how could I hear anything?
Where's it coming from?
Inside your head.
Shh!
Bzzz...
I said be quiet!
It's coming from here.
It's probably
a defective anodyne circuit.
Defective anodyne circuits
make a hissing sound.
This is a buzz.
We'd better open up this hatch.
If this is some sort
of convoluted plot
to escape...
Stop being so suspicious.
That's odd.
The buzzing's changed pitch.
It's gotten louder, too.
I can hear it now.
What could it be?
Let's find out.
Don't tell me.
Let me guess.
It's a bomb.
Next time I tell you
I hear something,
maybe you'll listen.
Let's hope there
is a next time.
I'm going to get
a transporter lock
on this thing
and beam it out of here.
What if it's set to go off
if someone tries
to transport it?
What do you suggest,
we wait for it to explode?
Fine.
Beam it out
but at least try
and channel the explosion
through the
transporter buffer.
I hope this works.
We did it!
We're safe.
I wouldn't be
so sure about that!
Com system's down.
Navigational array's failing.
Environmental controls
are badly damaged.
Oh. We're losing atmosphere.
What now?
Now we find someplace to land.
Land?
You mean crash.
It's either that
or wait for our lungs to explode
in the vacuum of space.
Ah! I'm picking up
a Class-L planet
on long-range scanners.
Barely habitable.
More habitable than this thing's
going to be
in a few minutes.
How close?
Close enough...
I hope.
If we live through this
whoever planted that bomb
is going to regret it.
Believe me, you don't want
to get anywhere near
the Orion Syndicate.
The Orion Syndicate?
Is that who the Grand Jury's
investigating?
I thought you knew.
If I knew you were involved
in the Orion Syndicate
you'd be on the Defiant
right now
surrounded by half my deputies.
Let me guess.
You pretended to know
more than you did
so I'd think
I had nothing to hide
and say something
to incriminate myself.
Something like that.
This is all your fault.
You're the one who's a member
of the Orion Syndicate.
I'm not a member.
I just know people
who know people
who know some other people,
and besides...
Someone adjust the temperature.
It's freezing in here.
Actually...
it's freezing out there.
Out there?
Uh... yeah.
Now I remember.
You were apologizing
for almost getting
us both killed.
Huh! If that's
how you remember it
you must've hit your head
harder than I thought you did.
I guess there's
nothing we can do now
except send out
a distress signal
and wait to be rescued.
Good plan, except we lost the
com system in the explosion.
That's not good.
Gets worse.
The replicator's been destroyed.
From what I can tell,
the local plants are poisonous.
Then I guess
we're stuck with field rations.
That's right...
one package for you
one package for me.
The rest...
I know, I know.
Destroyed in the explosion.
So now what?
Now we either freeze to death
or starve to death.
Take your pick.
It's about time you woke up.
I thought you were
going to sleep all day.
You should stretch a little
before you start your workout.
I think I'll pass
this morning.
You pass every morning.
You can work out
for the both of us.
You don't know
what you're missing.
A healthy body, a healthy mind.
Please, Nog, no cliches
before breakfast.
Orange juice, extra large.
A healthy way
to start the day.
A writer and a poet.
What's this?
"Past Prologue."
What's it doing here?
I found it while
I was cleaning up.
Really, Jake, is it that hard
to keep this place clean?
You read my story?
What'd you think?
"Disposal" is spelled
with an "i."
That's it?
That's all you have to say?
I didn't really read it
for content.
I mostly corrected
your spelling and grammar.
You changed my words?
Just a few.
A preposition here
some punctuation there.
You can't change
a writer's words
without his permission.
That's sacrilege!
All right.
Next time, I'll let you
make the changes.
There won't be a next time.
From now on, if you see
my stories lying around here
don't read them.
Don't even touch them.
Just leave them
right where they are.
No problem.
Just put them away
when you're not working on them.
Time to hit the shower.
Duty calls.
Remember, start
with the lighter weights
and work your way up.
Quark, what are you doing
back there?
You need any help?
You want to help?
Here.
I thought you were supposed
to be repairing
the subspace transmitter.
I was.
What's it doing out here?
The signal booster's
completely shot
which means there's no way
we can transmit
a distress signal
through a planetary atmosphere.
I see.
So you tore it out of the wall
in frustration.
Actually, I came up with a way
to save our lives.
Mm-hmm.
All we have to do
is haul this transmitter
to higher ground.
More altitude, less atmosphere.
Go high enough, and we might
be able to get a signal out.
And how much higher
do we have to go?
Uh... carry the seven
take the square root
times pi...
I'd say, uh...
that high.
I'm ready when you are.
Where'd you find that?
In the back.
It's pretty cozy.
Great.
Then I won't need this.
I'll just get a suit for myself.
We can be on our way.
Don't bother.
This is the only one
that wasn't destroyed
in the explosion.
You mean, there's only
one survival suit
and you're going to wear it?
Finders keepers.
Besides, carrying this
transmitter up the mountain
should keep you warm.
Here we go.
How can it be so cold
when the sun is shining?
It isn't much of a sun
and this isn't
much of a planet.
And you've got a lot of nerve
complaining about being cold
when you're the one
wearing the jacket.
Well, you agreed
to take turns.
Under duress.
Oh, I hate this.
If I was still a changeling
I could've shape-shifted
into a Vorian pterodactyl
and flown
that damn transmitter
to the top of
the mountain hours ago.
You're the one
who wanted to be a solid.
I never wanted to be a solid.
Oh, please.
I used to see you
coming into the bar,
watching Morn eat...
eyeing my customers
as they gambled and flirted
with the dabo girls
wishing you were one of them.
Not to mention
your platonic friendship
with a certain Bajoran Major.
If that's the kind
of psychological insight
you dispense with your drinks
it's a wonder you have
any customers.
Deny it all you want
but the fact is, your people
gave you what you wanted.
You're one of us now
and I can finally
sit on a chair
and know with absolute certainty
that it isn't you.
Quark! Quark!
What?
Uh... if you've damaged
that transmitter...
I'm fine, thank you very much
and so is the transmitter.
Here, let me help you up.
No, thanks.
I think I'll just lay here
and freeze to death.
All right, all right,
you've made your point.
I'll carry the transmitter
for a while.
And I get to wear the jacket.
But I get the trousers.
You did a good job today, Nog.
You've an excellent grasp
of mechanical engineering.
Ferengis have a natural
talent for figures, sir.
So what's your posting tomorrow?
Cargo Bay 6...
customs inspection.
Ah, well, that
could be interesting.
If you're planning on being
a customs inspector.
Hey, Nog.
Not again.
When I left this morning,
this place was spotless.
Yeah, that was nine hours ago.
You can't keep our quarters
clean for one day?
A man's got to live
and sometimes, living is messy.
But it doesn't
have to stay messy!
I'm going to the Replimat
to get something to eat.
And when I come back
I expect to see this place
straightened up.
I'm working on a story
right now.
I'll do it in the morning.
This isn't a story.
It's computerized dom-jot!
Sometimes, when I get stuck,
I play dom-jot.
It clears my mind.
Well, while you're at it
how about clearing a path
to the bedroom?
I told you, I'm busy.
Jake, this isn't
what we agreed to.
We didn't agree to anything.
You've been shouting orders
ever since you moved in here.
I'm not in Starfleet.
Lucky for you.
You wouldn't last
a day at the Academy.
You're right.
I'd die of embarrassment
wearing those pajamas.
You know, I don't have
to take that
from an undisciplined jerk
like you.
Enjoy your dom-jot.
Where are you going?
Anywhere but here!
I'll get my things
in the morning.
I'll pack them for you.
Don't bother.
You couldn't fold a shirt
if your life depended on it.
What's that over there?
It's just another stone.
I can't believe it.
I've been walking
for three days
and I haven't seen
a single beetle.
I could really go
for a beetle right now...
any kind of beetle
just as long as it had
a little meat on it.
There are no beetles, Quark.
A nice slug would do.
There are no slugs, either.
No slugs, no beetles,
no worms, no snails.
Nothing but rocks and trees,
and we can't eat any of it.
If I collapse from hunger
you've got to carry me
and the transmitter.
You are not going to collapse.
We're almost to the tree line.
After that, we've only got a
few more hours of climbing left
before we can set up
the transmitter.
A few hours?
You mean like three?
Uh. More like six.
I could do six.
Seven might be pushing it,
but six I could do.
Come on.
Forget about six hours.
It's more like six days.
10,751... 10,752...
Quark...
10,753...
Quark!
I just want to know
how far we're going.
Every step down means
an extra step up.
Fine.
Then count to yourself.
I don't want to hear it anymore.
Fine.
Don't talk to me.
It's hard keeping track.
By the time the Grand Jury
gets through with you
you'll be counting years
instead of steps.
You know what's going to
make all this worthwhile?
What?
The look on your face
when they let me go.
Ha! Let you go?
I don't think so.
And you call yourself
a detective.
The Orion Syndicate
tried to kill me.
They never kill their own.
They don't need to.
Any one of them would
take their own life
before testifying
against the Syndicate.
Don't you get it?
I'm not a suspect.
I'm a witness.
Now you made me lose count.
10,785.
Thank you.
Now, let me get this straight.
You were never a member
of the Orion Syndicate?
I hate to disappoint you.
But you must have tried to join.
I don't want to talk about it.
Ah...
Now, if I remember correctly
the Orion Syndicate
has a membership fee...
quite a substantial one...
and the Ferengi
Commerce Authority
did seize all your assets.
Oh, it's even worse
than that, isn't it?
You never could afford
to join, could you?
All those years of scheming
and lying and cheating
and you're still too small-time
for the Orions.
Well...
I guess you're not as
successful a businessman
as you think you are.
Which means you spent
the last ten years
of your life
trying to catch a nobody.
With little success,
I might add.
So you tell me... which one of us
is the bigger failure?
10,788... 10,789...
10,790, 10,791...
Snail juice, extra shells.
Make it a double.
Captain, may I join you?
Be my guest.
I wanted to ask you...
about Nog.
You know, my son?
I think I've met him.
Have you noticed anything...
strange about him lately?
He seems fine to me.
He's just more dedicated
than when he left.
I've noticed.
A year at the Academy
will do that to people.
You think it's the Academy?
What else could it be?
I was afraid
he might be the changeling.
So, while he was asleep,
I drew some blood
just to make sure.
It's been eight hours.
So far, so good.
Rom, he's still your son.
He's just taking his duties
very seriously, that's all.
Nog's moved back in
with me, you know.
It's horrible.
He put me on report
the other day.
Said my tool kit was untidy.
That's the exact word
he used... untidy.
Oh, I wouldn't worry about it.
He's just going
through a phase, that's all.
I was hoping living
with Jake would relax him.
I'm afraid Jake's going through
a phase of his own.
I don't know
what's so difficult
about putting a dirty dish
back into the replicator.
Nog says Jake is
a slovenly, undisciplined,
unfocused... writer.
Not an unfair assessment.
You know, I sometimes wish
Jake had a little more
of Nog's self-discipline.
And I wish Nog had Jake's
ability to enjoy himself.
Those two could learn
a lot from each other.
If we could only get them
in the same room.
Quark, wake up.
We've got a mountain to climb.
Quark.
Quark?
Quark?
Quark.
Wake up.
Wake up.
Wake, wake, Quark!
Stop hitting me!
I thought you were dead.
And you saw that
as an opportunity
to vent years of hostility
towards me?
Towards me...
towards... me...
hostility...
What's wrong?
What?
I said what's the matter.
I'm deaf.
I'm deaf in my right ear.
I can't hear anything.
Hello. Hello? Hello?
Hello. Hello.
Hello... hello.
Would you stop doing that?
You don't understand.
A one-eared Ferengi
is only half a man.
We got to get out of here.
My body's shutting down.
It's too cold.
There's not enough to eat.
I'm dying!
We both are!
We're not dying!
Here, here. You can have
the rest of my rations.
These aren't rations.
These are crumbs.
You can't climb a mountain
on crumbs.
Fine.
I'll go by myself.
You're going to leave me?
What do you want me to do?
Stay here and trade insults
until we both starve to death?
I'd rather take my chances
on the mountain.
Whose turn is it
to carry the transmitter?
Yours.
Figures.
Figures?
Figures.
I hate this transmitter,
and I hate this mountain
and most of all,
I hate the Orion Syndicate
for stranding us here.
I think we both know
who's really to blame.
Don't try and blame
this on me, Constable.
It was your job to get me
to Inferna Prime safely.
But you never told me
the Orion Syndicate
was after you.
You never asked.
If I had, would you
have told me the truth
or would you have lied
like you... lie
about everything?
Have I ever told you how much
I hate that smug,
superior attitude of yours?
Have I ever told you
how much I hate
your endless whining,
your pathetic greed
your idiotic little schemes?
Well, I hate...
What do you hate?
You.
Well, that's fine with me
because I hate you, too.
You're nothing
but a petty thief.
You're an arrogant prude.
Lecher!
Freak.
Fraud!
Fascist!
Failure!
Oh...
Fascist!
Failure!
Fascist!
Fascist!
Quark?
What?
Are you all right?
I'm fine.
I'm not.
My leg is broken.
That should hold it together.
Now... we just have
to get you on it.
Stop looking at the leg.
You'll pass out again.
Not looking at it doesn't help.
I still know it's there.
I'm the one who should be
struggling to stay conscious.
I'm the one
who's in excruciating pain.
Speaking of pain,
this is probably going to hurt.
Oh... Quark...
there's no way you're going
to be able to drag me
up that mountain.
Just watch me.
Stop trying to be a hero!
You'll get to the top faster
if you leave me behind.
Don't you get it?
I'm not trying to rescue you.
I'm taking you along
as emergency rations.
If you die,
I'm going to eat you.
You're joking.
Waste not... want not.
Comfortable?
Not really.
Join the club.
Higher.
Hold on, Odo!
Hold on.
Hold on!
Quark.
It's over.
What do you mean, it's over?
I can't move.
We'll have to set up
the transmitter here.
We're not high enough.
You have to... leave me here
and go on by yourself.
Don't you understand?
I can't do it.
I'm half frozen.
I haven't eaten for days.
My muscles won't work anymore!
Odo?
Well, say something.
What is there to say?
If we stay here... we're dead.
I can't go any further.
If Sisko were here,
do you think he'd give up?
Or Worf, or Dax?
They're not here.
That's right.
It's just us.
Give me the transmitter!
What for?
Just... give it to me.
What are you doing?
What does it look like?
You'll never make it.
Maybe not.
You're trying to embarrass me,
aren't you?
You're trying to shame me
into carrying that thing
the rest of the way on my own.
Well, it's not going to work.
You might as well accept
the inevitable
and die with dignity.
That's what I'm going to do.
I'm just going
to lie here and die!
My brother will get the bar.
My nephew will be completely
corrupted by the Federation
and become
a Starfleet Captain...
and my bones...
will lie here and freeze...
unsold and unmourned.
Try not to break your other leg
while I'm gone.
I'll do my best.
Good luck.
Come in.
Dad.
I thought you were going
to call first.
Yeah, well.
Well, we've got a problem.
Well, what's wrong?
According to station regulations
these quarters require
two occupants or more.
I'm afraid you're going
to have to move out.
Smaller quarters.
All right, if I have to.
Well, that's the problem.
There are no smaller
quarters available.
So, where do I go?
I guess back home with me.
You're kidding.
Well, unless we can find
you another roommate.
Cadet!
Sir, I really must protest.
Cadets don't have that
privilege... neither do you.
Now...
I know the two of you
are very different people
but you're still friends
and somehow, some way,
you'll make this work.
I don't know.
Neither do I.
Well, I do
and I'm your Captain...
and I'm your father.
And what I say goes.
Good day, gentlemen.
Well... place hasn't
changed much, has it?
I guess not.
Are you going
to start cleaning again?
No. I've got to study.
Good, because it'll
take a long time
to clean up this pig sty.
It's not that bad.
It's bad.
Yeah.
You want to go to the gym?
Healthy body, healthy mind.
I have a better idea.
How about a game of dom-jot?
I'll let you break.
You're on.
Quark!
Quark!
Begin recording.
Chief of Security's Log,
final entry.
It looks like
Quark didn't make it.
Can't say I'm surprised.
You'll find his body
farther up the slope.
No doubt he'd want
to vacuum desiccate his remains
and auction them off.
Not that they're worth... much.
As for myself...
cremate me,
stick my ashes in my bucket
and shoot me
through the wormhole.
I might as well
end up where I began.
Or better yet...
Bashir to Infirmary.
Prepare an IV drip
of polynutrient solution.
Aye, sir.
I'm alive.
Yes. I'm going
to see you stay that way.
Quark?
We found him
on top of the mountain
slumped over
a subspace transmitter.
You mean he made it?
If it wasn't for his signal,
we never would have found you.
Looks like he saved
both of your lives.
I was afraid you'd say that.
Odo.
Odo! You awake?
I am now.
We survived.
We did.
I bet you were surprised.
I actually made it
all the way to the top.
Astounded.
You remember back there...
when I told you I hated you
and you told me you hated me?
Vividly.
I just wanted you to know...
I meant every word of it.
So did I.