Star Trek: Deep Space Nine (1993–1999): Season 4, Episode 16 - Accession - full transcript
The crew is surprised when the wormhole opens and an ancient Bajoran lightship comes through. Inside is the poet Akorem Laan who disappeared from Bajor over two centuries ago. Laan was rescued by the prophets and now sent back as emissary, so he claims. Sisko doesn't feel like contradicting him since the prophecies seem to suit the story of Laan better. He is also relieved to be finally able to give up the difficult position. But Sisko gets second thoughts when Laan wants to reintroduce the D'jarras, the abolished Bajoran caste system. Meanwhile Keiko returns from Bajor. Molly tells O'Brien she is pregnant. The chief feels compelled to be at home in his free time and stop spending it with Bashir. It's very obvious he misses the holosuite adventures with the doctor though
Prepare reports for tomorrow's briefing.
- All hands dismissed.
- That was a successful mission.
Five days in the Gamma Quadrant
and no sign of the Jem'Hadar.
During manoeuvres through the
asteroid belt in the Kar-telos system,
the Defiant felt sluggish
when turning hard aport.
The dampening generators
need realigning.
I'll draw up a schedule immediately.
We should recalibrate the scanners
and check the EPS relays.
O'Brien will be disappointed. He thought
the ship was running smoothly.
Chief O'Brien has done an excellent job.
This is a fine ship.
But I must keep her functioning
at peak proficiency.
Mr Worf, you're in love.
- With the Defiant.
- You exaggerate, as usual.
- I feel silly.
- I like it.
- It shows off your legs.
- Your public has spoken.
Have fun.
What's this holosuite program
of yours again?
You, me and a thousand Irish warriors
against a hoard of Vikings.
- The Battle of Britain with swords.
- How come you're the king?
I am a direct descendant
of King Brian Boru.
- Besides, it's my program.
- I suppose that's only fair.
I know exactly how you feel.
The Bajoran Time of Cleansing.
Can someone explain
why the Bajorans abstain from worldly
pleasures for a month?
It's not like they're a bunch
of hedonistic drunkards to begin with.
- No use moaning about it.
- It hurts.
- Who's that for?
- Me.
- It's one of Moogie's home remedies.
- Your ear? Again?
That's disgusting! You want to drive
away the rest of my customers?
- I feel dizzy.
- What else is new?
Go wait on table seven.
Rom, I think you'd better lie down.
I don't pay you to think.
I pay you to spin the wheel.
- Get spinning.
- Nobody's gambling.
Because you're not at the wheel.
- I really don't feel good.
- Can't you see he's sick?
Being intimately acquainted
with Dr Bashir's bedside manner
doesn't make you a medical expert.
Am I still standing?
What I do during my time off
is no business of yours.
Get back to work
or you'll have more time off
than you know what to do with.
- The same goes for you.
- Yes, brother.
Aren't you going to do something?
Of course I am.
I'm going to dock his pay.
Briok, clean up this mess.
This is one stubborn infection.
How long have you had it?
A couple of weeks.
You've been walking around
with a seeping infection for two weeks?
More like three, actually.
You could have died.
In 48 hours you'd have been
in the Divine Treasury.
It's a good thing I fainted.
- Why didn't you see me sooner?
- I was busy.
Your brother could have spared you.
It would have been a violation
of my contract. Paragraph 76.
"Employees are strictly prohibited
from leaving the work environment
"unless ordered to do so
by their employer.
"Failure to comply will result in severe
fines and possible dismissal."
It's a standard provision
in Ferengi labour contracts.
You don't get time off
even if you're sick?
It's part of our generous employee
compensation package.
No sick days, no vacations,
no paid overtime.
You need a better contract.
There's no such thing.
All Ferengi labour contracts
are the same.
That should do it, but see me
first thing in the morning.
It'll have to be
before the bar opens.
- What you need is a union.
- A what?
A trade guild,
a collective bargaining association.
Something to keep you
from being exploited.
We don't want to stop
the exploitation.
We want to become the exploiters.
Suit yourself. But I don't see you
exploiting anyone.
- Rom, how did it go?
- I'm OK.
Your brother should have let you
see Julian earlier.
It's not Quark's fault
that I got sick.
I've been getting too much oo-mox.
- Who's the lucky female?
- No female. Just me.
I'm sorry.
Sorry enough to do something
about it?
- I don't think Julian would approve.
- We could ask him.
All right, everyone. Gather round.
I have an announcement to make.
I've been going over today's receipts
and it's not good.
The Bajoran Cleansing Ritual
has cleansed my profit margin.
Starting tomorrow, everyone's salary
gets cut by a third.
What?
- That's not fair.
- This is ridiculous.
It's either that or fire half the staff.
- Don't bother thanking me.
- I can't afford a pay cut.
It's either a pay cut or a layoff.
You decide.
I want this place cleaned up
and the lights off in 10 minutes.
This isn't right.
You can't cut salaries without warning.
Actually, I can. And I have.
Concentrate on keeping your hands off
your lobes and leave business to me.
Once the Ritual is over,
you'll restore everyone's salary?
That depends on the next fiscal
summation.
I'm asking you as a personal favour
to reconsider this pay cut.
Anything for you.
There. I've reconsidered it.
My decision stands.
- But, brother...
- Don't "brother" me.
In this bar, you're not my brother.
You're my employee.
Employees have no right to question
the management's decisions.
If you don't rescind the pay cuts,
you'll regret it.
The only thing I regret
is not being an only child.
- I'm getting the hang of this.
- It would seem so.
- Why haven't you told me?
- A warrior does not need praise.
I'm not a Klingon warrior.
I'm a beautiful young woman
who thrives on...
- What is it?
- Listen.
- Do not move.
- Worf?
Isn't this your tooth sharpener?
This p'tak just robbed my quarters.
Take him to a cell.
- I'll need a statement.
- You will have one.
How was such a security breach
allowed to occur?
- These things happen.
- Not on the Enterprise.
Really? Let me see.
"Stardate 46235.7.
"Ferengi privateers led by DaiMon Lurin
seized control of the Enterprise
"using two salvaged Klingon
birds-of-prey.
"Stardate 45349.1.
"Berlinghoff Rasmussen, a petty
criminal impersonating a scientist,
"committed acts of theft
against the crew of the Enterprise.”
- Shall I continue?
- That will not be necessary.
I know these incidents
are the exception,
but if security breaches could happen
on the flagship of the Federation,
imagine the difficulty of maintaining
security at DS9.
I understand.
It is just that I find it... irritating.
So do I, but you're just going
to have to get used to it.
Attention, please.
Thank you all for coming.
I know that I've always defended
my brother
whenever he's taken a stance
that's proven unpopular.
But I'm not going to today.
- You're not?
- No, I'm not.
Quark's using the Cleansing Ritual
to increase his profits
at our expense.
It isn't fair
and we're not going to take it.
- Since when?
- Since right now.
- What are we going to do?
- Fight back.
In the only way we can.
We're going to form a...
A What'?
We're going to form... a union.
You've just destroyed
the lives of every Ferengi here.
When the FCA finds out
we've even been talking of a...
- A union.
- Don't say that word again.
The FCA doesn't have to hear
about this.
If we go back to work now,
no one has to know this happened.
It's too late for that.
The FCA has ears everywhere.
As soon as they get wind of this,
we're all doomed!
All right. So we're doomed.
FCA Liquidators will haunt us
for the rest of our lives.
But if they're going to come after us,
let's give them a good reason.
Every one of you,
Ferengi and non-Ferengi alike,
knows that Quark treats us unfairly.
Frool, don't you deserve a day off
when your back acts up?
Well... I suppose.
Grimp, wouldn't you like to take
a paid vacation?
You're being ridiculous.
It's not going to happen.
It won't happen unless you make
it happen. We're Ferengi.
When a Ferengi sees an opportunity,
what does he do?
- He seizes it.
- That's right!
And I for one intend to grab it.
We've been exploited long enough.
It's time to be strong,
take control of our lives,
our dignity and our profits.
Yes!
Strike a blow against Quark.
Strike a blow against the FCA.
Strike a blow against exploitation.
- Are you with me?
- Yes!
Union, union, union!
What you have there
is a sebaceous cyst.
- But it's getting bigger.
- You're perfectly healthy.
I'm healthy except I have
a disgusting cyst on my neck.
Either I paint a face on it and pretend
I have two heads or you take it off.
I'll get some paint.
- Get it off me!
- All right.
But two heads
are better than one.
Julian, I'm waiting.
- Dr Bashir, I need your help.
- Is that ear acting up again?
My ear's fine.
I need some advice about unions.
You said I should form a union,
so I did.
Rom, I was speaking theoretically.
I put theory into practice.
All Quark's employees have joined.
We're going to force him
to treat us better. I hope.
- A union? Good for you.
- You know about unions?
Who led the Pennsylvania coal miners
during the strike of 1902?
- I have no idea.
- Sean Aloysius O'Brien.
- I didn't know that.
- There's a lot you don't know.
The mines were closed for 11 months
until all their demands were met.
You mean we should force Quark
to close the bar?
As a last resort. If he's reasonable,
there's no need to strike.
Quark reasonable? Ha! Unlikely.
You'll have to strike. And when you do,
you'll have to be strong.
- Just like Sean O'Brien.
- Exactly.
He had the biggest funeral
in Western Pennsylvania.
Funeral?
They fished his body out of the river
a week before the strike ended.
32 bullets he had in him.
- Or was it 34?
- Well, he died a hero.
More than a hero.
He was a union man.
I see the problem.
You've got a bad ODN relay.
- We have to replace the unit.
- How long?
- Three hours, then it will work.
- Until the next time.
That's the problem when you combine
Cardassian and Bajoran technology.
- It's not meant to work together.
- How do you tolerate this?
It's easier than working
on the Enterprise.
The Enterprise never had
these kind of problems.
I know. Have you any idea
how bored I used to get
waiting for something to break down?
Here I have new problems every day.
This station needs me.
Hand me down the coil spanner.
Happy Cleansing.
If this is a surprise birthday party,
you're a month late.
We're the Guild of Restaurant
and Casino Employees.
The Guild of Restaurant and Casino
Employees. What's that?
- What does it sound like?
- It's sounds like...
- Like a union.
- Exactly.
So you'd better take
our demands seriously.
Increased pay.
Shorter hours.
Paid sick leave.
- This is no joke.
- Yes, it is.
The fact that you don't know that
is what makes it so funny.
Get back to work before I fire you.
- You can't fire us.
- Why not?
Because as of right now...
we're all on strike.
Thank you
for not patronising Quark's.
Thank you for not patronising at Quark's.
- I hope Rom's voice holds out.
- I hope our latinum holds out.
- You wanted to see me.
- May I take your order, sir?
There's an opening at the dabo table.
Or perhaps I might interest you in...?
Not again.
- Are you carrying a tricorder?
- What are you talking about?
I'm working out the bugs
in these holographic waiters.
The Lissepian who sold me the program
didn't mention that energy sources
can interfere.
There's no end to the problems
you're facing.
I can take care of the Lissepian.
I need you to get those traitors
away from my front door.
They're blocking access
to my place of business
and they're probably a fire hazard.
They belong in a holding cell,
every last one of them.
I hate to admit this,
but I agree with you.
O'Brien told me about strikes.
They sound like trouble.
I don't like mobs.
If you need one to get what you want,
it's not worth getting.
- Good, then haul them away.
- I'll do nothing of the sort.
I have strict orders from Captain Sisko
not to impinge on your employees'
freedom of expression.
As long as they stay peaceful
and allow your customers access,
I can't interfere.
In that case,
would you serve some drinks?
I didn't think so.
What about the Vulcan?
With their sense of ethics?
On the side of labour. Pass.
This one's an "Enter" ”.
Lucky guess.
Pass. He never sets foot in there.
Quark isn't exactly
his favourite person.
- He's an "Enter"!
- Not for long.
- Where are you going?
- To talk sense into him.
Commander. Hold on.
- I cannot believe what I'm seeing.
- Sir, if I could explain...
Do I look ready for an explanation?
Three of my senior staff brawling.
- We weren't brawling.
- Look at Dr Bashir's forehead.
- He got in the way.
- I was trying to stop the fight.
- We were not fighting.
- What were you doing?
- We were...
- Having a difference of opinion.
Towards the end we might have
done a bit of shoving.
- Dr Bashir was shoved over a table.
- That was an accident.
Things got a little out of hand.
They got more than a little
out of hand.
I'm going to talk to Quark,
find a way to settle this strike.
Get things back to normal.
Captain?
Can we leave now?
I'll tell Constable Odo to let you go...
...in the morning.
I hope you're proud of yourselves.
Believe me, I want this strike settled
as much as you do.
- Then settle it.
- It's not that simple.
Sit down with your brother and hammer
out an agreement today.
Captain, I'm afraid you don't understand
what a delicate situation this is.
Even talking with strikers
would be a violation of the most
sacred Ferengi precepts.
I don't know much
about Ferengi culture,
but I know who holds the lease
on your bar.
The Federation.
And I couldn't ask for better landlords.
Because we don't ask you to pay rent
or reimburse us for maintenance repairs.
- You're a very generous people.
- Until today.
Let's see.
Five years of back rent,
plus power consumption,
plus repairs.
- How much latinum is that?
- A lot.
- I'll talk to my brother.
- I'm glad we're in agreement.
Labour... Where's wages?
Wages are here.
Come in.
What do you want?
Here.
What's this?
The latinum I'll transfer
into your private account
if you end this strike.
Are we talking about slips,
strips or bars?
Slips.
- All right, strips.
- It wouldn't matter if it were bars.
I'm not ending the strike
unless you meet our demands.
- We're brothers.
- Not when it comes to business.
We're nothing but employer
and employee. You said so.
- I was wrong.
- No, you weren't.
- Can't we talk about this?
- I have only one thing to say.
"Workers of the world, unite.
"You have nothing to lose
but your chains."
What's happened to you?
- It's about time you got back.
- Brunt.
That's Liquidator Brunt to you.
I see you remember me.
Who could forget.
What do you want?
I'm here to help.
The FCA has ordered me to end
this nasty little labour dispute of yours.
- How do you propose to do that?
- By any means necessary.
I hear Quark had
only 14 customers all day.
He'll have even less tomorrow.
Support for our cause is growing.
Quark will have to settle.
Either that or go out of business.
Quark can be awful stubborn.
He'd rather lose the bar than give in.
Don't be such a pessimist.
Rule of Acquisition 263:
"Never allow doubt to tarnish
your lust for latinum."
Your brother can quote Rules
of Acquisition. His favourite is 211:
"Employees are rungs
on the ladder of success.
- "Don't hesitate to step on them."
- My ex-brother...
wasn't quoting the Rules
when he came to see me yesterday.
He offered me a bribe
if I would end the strike.
- Did you take it?
- No, I didn't.
He's getting desperate.
We'll get everything we want.
Brunt, FCA.
It's not my fault!
They made me do it.
It was all his idea.
Forgive me!
If this was Ferenginar,
I'd have you all taken to the Spire
of the Tower of Commerce,
displayed to the crowds
in the Great Marketplace below,
then shoved off, one-by-one.
Children would bet on where
you would land,
and your spattered remains would be
sold as feed for gree-worms.
Spare me. I'm old, I'm fragile.
I'll push the rest of them off myself.
You said you weren't afraid
of the FCA.
- I lied.
- Don't let him intimidate you.
- We're not on Ferenginar.
- Lucky for you.
But the FCA understands
that living on this station has...
...corrupted you.
You've been tempted
by Bajoran ideals,
exposed to the twisted values
of the Federation.
- So we are willing to forgive.
- Really?
But don't confuse our mercy
with weakness.
If you are not back at your jobs
tomorrow,
your accounts on Ferenginar
will be confiscated
and your trading permits revoked.
You'll be ruined,
reduced to utter destitution.
Am I understood?
Good. I thought so.
Don't bother getting up.
Would you get up?
Come on.
Let him stay there.
That's where he belongs.
The question is,
where do we belong?
On our knees, like Frool...
or standing tall like Sean O'Brien?
- Who's Sean O'Brien?
- A union man.
A man who gave his life to earn
a decent wage for workers.
Brunt wouldn't have intimidated him
and he won't intimidate me.
- What about our accounts?
- If they were worth anything,
you wouldn't be working as a waiter.
Victory is within our grasp.
All we have to do is take it.
- Now are you with me?
- Yes.
- Are you with me?
- Yes!
Let's get back on that picket line
and show Quark what we're made of.
Can I get up now?
Look sharp, no slouching.
Remember: In unity there is strength,
so be strong.
- Chief, may I speak with you?
- Sure. What's on your mind?
I owe you an apology. I allowed
our argument to get out of hand.
There was plenty of blame
to spread around.
Nonetheless, Starfleet officers
do not brawl with each other.
It wasn't a brawl.
I grabbed you, you shoved me.
- Julian was tossed over a table.
- It never should have happened.
But there's something
about this station I find unsettling.
- You'll get used to it.
- Perhaps.
In the meantime,
I've found a solution.
I'm going to move my quarters
to the Defiant.
- I've discussed it with the Captain.
- He said yes?
As long as it doesn't interfere
with my duties.
You'll be living out there
all by yourself.
I know.
Standing up to Brunt was impressive.
- Me with leadership skills!
- I knew it all along.
Really?
- No.
- I didn't think so.
You surprised a lot of people,
including me.
- I'm having dinner with Julian.
- He's a lucky man.
And almost as brave as you are.
Psst! Rom!
She kissed me!
There's no accounting for taste.
Rom, we have to talk.
- Are you ready to give in?
- Of course not.
Then there's nothing to talk about.
The FCA's involved. Those Nausicaans
working for Brunt aren't just for show.
I'm not going to let Brunt
intimidate me.
Don't you see?
You should be intimidated.
Who knows what Brunt might do?
I don't want you to get hurt.
You never cared before.
I always cared about you.
I tried to protect you.
- By telling me I was an idiot?
- I tried to make you a better Ferengi.
You were trying to make yourself
feel important.
Making me feel dumb
made you feel smart.
But I'm not dumb
and you're not as smart as you think.
You have to listen to me.
The FCA doesn't answer to anyone.
If Brunt decides to get rid of you,
I won't be able to stop him.
Look at it this way.
If Brunt gets rid of me,
all your problems are solved.
You always said you wanted to be
an only child.
Doesn't that hurt?
I'm sure it does.
Most Nausicaan games do.
Speaking of pain,
did you talk to your brother?
We talked.
I need more time.
"Time, like latinum, is a highly
limited commodity."
- You're here to help me?
- Wrong.
I'm here to enforce Ferengi law.
That means ending this strike.
I can see we are going
to have to make...
...an example of someone.
What kind of example?
We'll come up with something
that will get people's attention.
I don't want my brother hurt.
I wasn't thinking of him.
Attack the leader of a movement,
you risk creating a martyr.
Rom must not be touched.
Our target must be someone
unexpected, someone he cares about.
- Like that dabo girl.
- Leeta? She's not even Ferengi.
That's what makes it so memorable.
But she has such... delicate lobes.
I couldn't bring myself to give
the order. Let's see.
Who else does Rom
care about?
Boys.
- Me? But I'm on your side.
- Ironic, isn't it?
- I'm not allowed to have visitors.
- Dr Bashir made an exception.
- He said you were almost killed.
- It's nothing to smile about.
They shattered my eye socket,
broke two of my ascending ribs
and punctured my lower lung.
If Odo hadn't come along...
- Does it hurt?
- Of course it hurts.
Too bad.
If you're going to gloat,
you can leave.
- I'm not done gloating.
- This was a message for you.
It's not going to work.
I wish Brunt had known that.
Odo has him in a holding cell.
It's an open and shut case.
It's an open and shut case,
but I'm not going to press charges.
I'm in enough trouble with the FCA
as it is.
Odo will have to let them go.
The FCA will just send
another Liquidator.
That one will make an example
of you.
- Then you'll be the one gloating.
- I don't want to gloat.
- I want to end the strike.
- So give us what we want.
- I'm not going against tradition.
- You're just afraid of the FCA.
Of course I'm afraid of the FCA.
They crushed my eye socket.
If you had any sense,
you'd be afraid of them too.
If this strike doesn't get settled soon,
we'll both be tossed out
of the nearest airlock.
You have to dissolve the union.
At least officially.
- What do you mean?
- I mean...
I mean you dissolve the union,
make it look like I've won
and I'll give you everything
you want.
- You'll meet our demands?
- That's what I said.
- Even sick leave?
- Even sick leave.
Six months from now,
when the FCA isn't watching so closely,
- you'll get your raises.
- Six months!
- It's the best I can do.
- No, it's not.
All you have to do is make up
a fake ledger for the FCA.
- They'll never know the difference.
- Shh!
All right, you'll get your raises
by the end of the week.
But the union dies here. Today.
And that's my final offer.
Better?
Much.
I thought about getting you a plant,
but it didn't seem right.
- A wise decision.
- I brought you this instead.
It's a collection of my favourite
Klingon operas.
Pipe them through the Defiant's
com-system as loud as you like.
A thoughtful gift.
Living on the Defiant
isn't going to change anything.
You have to get used
to life on the station.
- I'm not sure I agree.
- You're going to have to adapt.
Perhaps it'll be all of you
that have to adapt to me.
Come in. Welcome back.
Why don't you try your luck
at the dabo wheel?
- You're in a good mood.
- I just got a raise.
Major. I must say you are looking
particularly cleansed today.
Just get me two mugs of synthale,
a double order of hasperat
and hold the conversation.
No wonder I missed you.
Rom, there you are.
You're not in your waiter's uniform.
- I'll have a snail juice, please.
- No drinking on the job.
- That's no way to talk to a customer.
- You're an employee.
Not any more. I've wiped my last table
and mixed my last Blackhole.
I'm one of the station's
repair technicians.
Junior grade... night shift.
- You're quitting?
- Effective immediately.
I gave you everything you wanted.
But I do a lot better
when you're not around.
Don't worry. I'll keep your holosuites
running and fix your replicators.
I think this will be good
for our relationship.
Think about it.
If I keep working for you,
all I can look forward to is you dying
so I can inherit the bar.
I don't want you to die.
Besides, I deserve a life of my own.
- Without me looking after you...
- I'll do fine.
I suppose you will.
- I'll miss you.
- I'll be here all the time.
Only I'll be a paying customer.
Now get me my snail juice...
...brother.
Coming up.
- All hands dismissed.
- That was a successful mission.
Five days in the Gamma Quadrant
and no sign of the Jem'Hadar.
During manoeuvres through the
asteroid belt in the Kar-telos system,
the Defiant felt sluggish
when turning hard aport.
The dampening generators
need realigning.
I'll draw up a schedule immediately.
We should recalibrate the scanners
and check the EPS relays.
O'Brien will be disappointed. He thought
the ship was running smoothly.
Chief O'Brien has done an excellent job.
This is a fine ship.
But I must keep her functioning
at peak proficiency.
Mr Worf, you're in love.
- With the Defiant.
- You exaggerate, as usual.
- I feel silly.
- I like it.
- It shows off your legs.
- Your public has spoken.
Have fun.
What's this holosuite program
of yours again?
You, me and a thousand Irish warriors
against a hoard of Vikings.
- The Battle of Britain with swords.
- How come you're the king?
I am a direct descendant
of King Brian Boru.
- Besides, it's my program.
- I suppose that's only fair.
I know exactly how you feel.
The Bajoran Time of Cleansing.
Can someone explain
why the Bajorans abstain from worldly
pleasures for a month?
It's not like they're a bunch
of hedonistic drunkards to begin with.
- No use moaning about it.
- It hurts.
- Who's that for?
- Me.
- It's one of Moogie's home remedies.
- Your ear? Again?
That's disgusting! You want to drive
away the rest of my customers?
- I feel dizzy.
- What else is new?
Go wait on table seven.
Rom, I think you'd better lie down.
I don't pay you to think.
I pay you to spin the wheel.
- Get spinning.
- Nobody's gambling.
Because you're not at the wheel.
- I really don't feel good.
- Can't you see he's sick?
Being intimately acquainted
with Dr Bashir's bedside manner
doesn't make you a medical expert.
Am I still standing?
What I do during my time off
is no business of yours.
Get back to work
or you'll have more time off
than you know what to do with.
- The same goes for you.
- Yes, brother.
Aren't you going to do something?
Of course I am.
I'm going to dock his pay.
Briok, clean up this mess.
This is one stubborn infection.
How long have you had it?
A couple of weeks.
You've been walking around
with a seeping infection for two weeks?
More like three, actually.
You could have died.
In 48 hours you'd have been
in the Divine Treasury.
It's a good thing I fainted.
- Why didn't you see me sooner?
- I was busy.
Your brother could have spared you.
It would have been a violation
of my contract. Paragraph 76.
"Employees are strictly prohibited
from leaving the work environment
"unless ordered to do so
by their employer.
"Failure to comply will result in severe
fines and possible dismissal."
It's a standard provision
in Ferengi labour contracts.
You don't get time off
even if you're sick?
It's part of our generous employee
compensation package.
No sick days, no vacations,
no paid overtime.
You need a better contract.
There's no such thing.
All Ferengi labour contracts
are the same.
That should do it, but see me
first thing in the morning.
It'll have to be
before the bar opens.
- What you need is a union.
- A what?
A trade guild,
a collective bargaining association.
Something to keep you
from being exploited.
We don't want to stop
the exploitation.
We want to become the exploiters.
Suit yourself. But I don't see you
exploiting anyone.
- Rom, how did it go?
- I'm OK.
Your brother should have let you
see Julian earlier.
It's not Quark's fault
that I got sick.
I've been getting too much oo-mox.
- Who's the lucky female?
- No female. Just me.
I'm sorry.
Sorry enough to do something
about it?
- I don't think Julian would approve.
- We could ask him.
All right, everyone. Gather round.
I have an announcement to make.
I've been going over today's receipts
and it's not good.
The Bajoran Cleansing Ritual
has cleansed my profit margin.
Starting tomorrow, everyone's salary
gets cut by a third.
What?
- That's not fair.
- This is ridiculous.
It's either that or fire half the staff.
- Don't bother thanking me.
- I can't afford a pay cut.
It's either a pay cut or a layoff.
You decide.
I want this place cleaned up
and the lights off in 10 minutes.
This isn't right.
You can't cut salaries without warning.
Actually, I can. And I have.
Concentrate on keeping your hands off
your lobes and leave business to me.
Once the Ritual is over,
you'll restore everyone's salary?
That depends on the next fiscal
summation.
I'm asking you as a personal favour
to reconsider this pay cut.
Anything for you.
There. I've reconsidered it.
My decision stands.
- But, brother...
- Don't "brother" me.
In this bar, you're not my brother.
You're my employee.
Employees have no right to question
the management's decisions.
If you don't rescind the pay cuts,
you'll regret it.
The only thing I regret
is not being an only child.
- I'm getting the hang of this.
- It would seem so.
- Why haven't you told me?
- A warrior does not need praise.
I'm not a Klingon warrior.
I'm a beautiful young woman
who thrives on...
- What is it?
- Listen.
- Do not move.
- Worf?
Isn't this your tooth sharpener?
This p'tak just robbed my quarters.
Take him to a cell.
- I'll need a statement.
- You will have one.
How was such a security breach
allowed to occur?
- These things happen.
- Not on the Enterprise.
Really? Let me see.
"Stardate 46235.7.
"Ferengi privateers led by DaiMon Lurin
seized control of the Enterprise
"using two salvaged Klingon
birds-of-prey.
"Stardate 45349.1.
"Berlinghoff Rasmussen, a petty
criminal impersonating a scientist,
"committed acts of theft
against the crew of the Enterprise.”
- Shall I continue?
- That will not be necessary.
I know these incidents
are the exception,
but if security breaches could happen
on the flagship of the Federation,
imagine the difficulty of maintaining
security at DS9.
I understand.
It is just that I find it... irritating.
So do I, but you're just going
to have to get used to it.
Attention, please.
Thank you all for coming.
I know that I've always defended
my brother
whenever he's taken a stance
that's proven unpopular.
But I'm not going to today.
- You're not?
- No, I'm not.
Quark's using the Cleansing Ritual
to increase his profits
at our expense.
It isn't fair
and we're not going to take it.
- Since when?
- Since right now.
- What are we going to do?
- Fight back.
In the only way we can.
We're going to form a...
A What'?
We're going to form... a union.
You've just destroyed
the lives of every Ferengi here.
When the FCA finds out
we've even been talking of a...
- A union.
- Don't say that word again.
The FCA doesn't have to hear
about this.
If we go back to work now,
no one has to know this happened.
It's too late for that.
The FCA has ears everywhere.
As soon as they get wind of this,
we're all doomed!
All right. So we're doomed.
FCA Liquidators will haunt us
for the rest of our lives.
But if they're going to come after us,
let's give them a good reason.
Every one of you,
Ferengi and non-Ferengi alike,
knows that Quark treats us unfairly.
Frool, don't you deserve a day off
when your back acts up?
Well... I suppose.
Grimp, wouldn't you like to take
a paid vacation?
You're being ridiculous.
It's not going to happen.
It won't happen unless you make
it happen. We're Ferengi.
When a Ferengi sees an opportunity,
what does he do?
- He seizes it.
- That's right!
And I for one intend to grab it.
We've been exploited long enough.
It's time to be strong,
take control of our lives,
our dignity and our profits.
Yes!
Strike a blow against Quark.
Strike a blow against the FCA.
Strike a blow against exploitation.
- Are you with me?
- Yes!
Union, union, union!
What you have there
is a sebaceous cyst.
- But it's getting bigger.
- You're perfectly healthy.
I'm healthy except I have
a disgusting cyst on my neck.
Either I paint a face on it and pretend
I have two heads or you take it off.
I'll get some paint.
- Get it off me!
- All right.
But two heads
are better than one.
Julian, I'm waiting.
- Dr Bashir, I need your help.
- Is that ear acting up again?
My ear's fine.
I need some advice about unions.
You said I should form a union,
so I did.
Rom, I was speaking theoretically.
I put theory into practice.
All Quark's employees have joined.
We're going to force him
to treat us better. I hope.
- A union? Good for you.
- You know about unions?
Who led the Pennsylvania coal miners
during the strike of 1902?
- I have no idea.
- Sean Aloysius O'Brien.
- I didn't know that.
- There's a lot you don't know.
The mines were closed for 11 months
until all their demands were met.
You mean we should force Quark
to close the bar?
As a last resort. If he's reasonable,
there's no need to strike.
Quark reasonable? Ha! Unlikely.
You'll have to strike. And when you do,
you'll have to be strong.
- Just like Sean O'Brien.
- Exactly.
He had the biggest funeral
in Western Pennsylvania.
Funeral?
They fished his body out of the river
a week before the strike ended.
32 bullets he had in him.
- Or was it 34?
- Well, he died a hero.
More than a hero.
He was a union man.
I see the problem.
You've got a bad ODN relay.
- We have to replace the unit.
- How long?
- Three hours, then it will work.
- Until the next time.
That's the problem when you combine
Cardassian and Bajoran technology.
- It's not meant to work together.
- How do you tolerate this?
It's easier than working
on the Enterprise.
The Enterprise never had
these kind of problems.
I know. Have you any idea
how bored I used to get
waiting for something to break down?
Here I have new problems every day.
This station needs me.
Hand me down the coil spanner.
Happy Cleansing.
If this is a surprise birthday party,
you're a month late.
We're the Guild of Restaurant
and Casino Employees.
The Guild of Restaurant and Casino
Employees. What's that?
- What does it sound like?
- It's sounds like...
- Like a union.
- Exactly.
So you'd better take
our demands seriously.
Increased pay.
Shorter hours.
Paid sick leave.
- This is no joke.
- Yes, it is.
The fact that you don't know that
is what makes it so funny.
Get back to work before I fire you.
- You can't fire us.
- Why not?
Because as of right now...
we're all on strike.
Thank you
for not patronising Quark's.
Thank you for not patronising at Quark's.
- I hope Rom's voice holds out.
- I hope our latinum holds out.
- You wanted to see me.
- May I take your order, sir?
There's an opening at the dabo table.
Or perhaps I might interest you in...?
Not again.
- Are you carrying a tricorder?
- What are you talking about?
I'm working out the bugs
in these holographic waiters.
The Lissepian who sold me the program
didn't mention that energy sources
can interfere.
There's no end to the problems
you're facing.
I can take care of the Lissepian.
I need you to get those traitors
away from my front door.
They're blocking access
to my place of business
and they're probably a fire hazard.
They belong in a holding cell,
every last one of them.
I hate to admit this,
but I agree with you.
O'Brien told me about strikes.
They sound like trouble.
I don't like mobs.
If you need one to get what you want,
it's not worth getting.
- Good, then haul them away.
- I'll do nothing of the sort.
I have strict orders from Captain Sisko
not to impinge on your employees'
freedom of expression.
As long as they stay peaceful
and allow your customers access,
I can't interfere.
In that case,
would you serve some drinks?
I didn't think so.
What about the Vulcan?
With their sense of ethics?
On the side of labour. Pass.
This one's an "Enter" ”.
Lucky guess.
Pass. He never sets foot in there.
Quark isn't exactly
his favourite person.
- He's an "Enter"!
- Not for long.
- Where are you going?
- To talk sense into him.
Commander. Hold on.
- I cannot believe what I'm seeing.
- Sir, if I could explain...
Do I look ready for an explanation?
Three of my senior staff brawling.
- We weren't brawling.
- Look at Dr Bashir's forehead.
- He got in the way.
- I was trying to stop the fight.
- We were not fighting.
- What were you doing?
- We were...
- Having a difference of opinion.
Towards the end we might have
done a bit of shoving.
- Dr Bashir was shoved over a table.
- That was an accident.
Things got a little out of hand.
They got more than a little
out of hand.
I'm going to talk to Quark,
find a way to settle this strike.
Get things back to normal.
Captain?
Can we leave now?
I'll tell Constable Odo to let you go...
...in the morning.
I hope you're proud of yourselves.
Believe me, I want this strike settled
as much as you do.
- Then settle it.
- It's not that simple.
Sit down with your brother and hammer
out an agreement today.
Captain, I'm afraid you don't understand
what a delicate situation this is.
Even talking with strikers
would be a violation of the most
sacred Ferengi precepts.
I don't know much
about Ferengi culture,
but I know who holds the lease
on your bar.
The Federation.
And I couldn't ask for better landlords.
Because we don't ask you to pay rent
or reimburse us for maintenance repairs.
- You're a very generous people.
- Until today.
Let's see.
Five years of back rent,
plus power consumption,
plus repairs.
- How much latinum is that?
- A lot.
- I'll talk to my brother.
- I'm glad we're in agreement.
Labour... Where's wages?
Wages are here.
Come in.
What do you want?
Here.
What's this?
The latinum I'll transfer
into your private account
if you end this strike.
Are we talking about slips,
strips or bars?
Slips.
- All right, strips.
- It wouldn't matter if it were bars.
I'm not ending the strike
unless you meet our demands.
- We're brothers.
- Not when it comes to business.
We're nothing but employer
and employee. You said so.
- I was wrong.
- No, you weren't.
- Can't we talk about this?
- I have only one thing to say.
"Workers of the world, unite.
"You have nothing to lose
but your chains."
What's happened to you?
- It's about time you got back.
- Brunt.
That's Liquidator Brunt to you.
I see you remember me.
Who could forget.
What do you want?
I'm here to help.
The FCA has ordered me to end
this nasty little labour dispute of yours.
- How do you propose to do that?
- By any means necessary.
I hear Quark had
only 14 customers all day.
He'll have even less tomorrow.
Support for our cause is growing.
Quark will have to settle.
Either that or go out of business.
Quark can be awful stubborn.
He'd rather lose the bar than give in.
Don't be such a pessimist.
Rule of Acquisition 263:
"Never allow doubt to tarnish
your lust for latinum."
Your brother can quote Rules
of Acquisition. His favourite is 211:
"Employees are rungs
on the ladder of success.
- "Don't hesitate to step on them."
- My ex-brother...
wasn't quoting the Rules
when he came to see me yesterday.
He offered me a bribe
if I would end the strike.
- Did you take it?
- No, I didn't.
He's getting desperate.
We'll get everything we want.
Brunt, FCA.
It's not my fault!
They made me do it.
It was all his idea.
Forgive me!
If this was Ferenginar,
I'd have you all taken to the Spire
of the Tower of Commerce,
displayed to the crowds
in the Great Marketplace below,
then shoved off, one-by-one.
Children would bet on where
you would land,
and your spattered remains would be
sold as feed for gree-worms.
Spare me. I'm old, I'm fragile.
I'll push the rest of them off myself.
You said you weren't afraid
of the FCA.
- I lied.
- Don't let him intimidate you.
- We're not on Ferenginar.
- Lucky for you.
But the FCA understands
that living on this station has...
...corrupted you.
You've been tempted
by Bajoran ideals,
exposed to the twisted values
of the Federation.
- So we are willing to forgive.
- Really?
But don't confuse our mercy
with weakness.
If you are not back at your jobs
tomorrow,
your accounts on Ferenginar
will be confiscated
and your trading permits revoked.
You'll be ruined,
reduced to utter destitution.
Am I understood?
Good. I thought so.
Don't bother getting up.
Would you get up?
Come on.
Let him stay there.
That's where he belongs.
The question is,
where do we belong?
On our knees, like Frool...
or standing tall like Sean O'Brien?
- Who's Sean O'Brien?
- A union man.
A man who gave his life to earn
a decent wage for workers.
Brunt wouldn't have intimidated him
and he won't intimidate me.
- What about our accounts?
- If they were worth anything,
you wouldn't be working as a waiter.
Victory is within our grasp.
All we have to do is take it.
- Now are you with me?
- Yes.
- Are you with me?
- Yes!
Let's get back on that picket line
and show Quark what we're made of.
Can I get up now?
Look sharp, no slouching.
Remember: In unity there is strength,
so be strong.
- Chief, may I speak with you?
- Sure. What's on your mind?
I owe you an apology. I allowed
our argument to get out of hand.
There was plenty of blame
to spread around.
Nonetheless, Starfleet officers
do not brawl with each other.
It wasn't a brawl.
I grabbed you, you shoved me.
- Julian was tossed over a table.
- It never should have happened.
But there's something
about this station I find unsettling.
- You'll get used to it.
- Perhaps.
In the meantime,
I've found a solution.
I'm going to move my quarters
to the Defiant.
- I've discussed it with the Captain.
- He said yes?
As long as it doesn't interfere
with my duties.
You'll be living out there
all by yourself.
I know.
Standing up to Brunt was impressive.
- Me with leadership skills!
- I knew it all along.
Really?
- No.
- I didn't think so.
You surprised a lot of people,
including me.
- I'm having dinner with Julian.
- He's a lucky man.
And almost as brave as you are.
Psst! Rom!
She kissed me!
There's no accounting for taste.
Rom, we have to talk.
- Are you ready to give in?
- Of course not.
Then there's nothing to talk about.
The FCA's involved. Those Nausicaans
working for Brunt aren't just for show.
I'm not going to let Brunt
intimidate me.
Don't you see?
You should be intimidated.
Who knows what Brunt might do?
I don't want you to get hurt.
You never cared before.
I always cared about you.
I tried to protect you.
- By telling me I was an idiot?
- I tried to make you a better Ferengi.
You were trying to make yourself
feel important.
Making me feel dumb
made you feel smart.
But I'm not dumb
and you're not as smart as you think.
You have to listen to me.
The FCA doesn't answer to anyone.
If Brunt decides to get rid of you,
I won't be able to stop him.
Look at it this way.
If Brunt gets rid of me,
all your problems are solved.
You always said you wanted to be
an only child.
Doesn't that hurt?
I'm sure it does.
Most Nausicaan games do.
Speaking of pain,
did you talk to your brother?
We talked.
I need more time.
"Time, like latinum, is a highly
limited commodity."
- You're here to help me?
- Wrong.
I'm here to enforce Ferengi law.
That means ending this strike.
I can see we are going
to have to make...
...an example of someone.
What kind of example?
We'll come up with something
that will get people's attention.
I don't want my brother hurt.
I wasn't thinking of him.
Attack the leader of a movement,
you risk creating a martyr.
Rom must not be touched.
Our target must be someone
unexpected, someone he cares about.
- Like that dabo girl.
- Leeta? She's not even Ferengi.
That's what makes it so memorable.
But she has such... delicate lobes.
I couldn't bring myself to give
the order. Let's see.
Who else does Rom
care about?
Boys.
- Me? But I'm on your side.
- Ironic, isn't it?
- I'm not allowed to have visitors.
- Dr Bashir made an exception.
- He said you were almost killed.
- It's nothing to smile about.
They shattered my eye socket,
broke two of my ascending ribs
and punctured my lower lung.
If Odo hadn't come along...
- Does it hurt?
- Of course it hurts.
Too bad.
If you're going to gloat,
you can leave.
- I'm not done gloating.
- This was a message for you.
It's not going to work.
I wish Brunt had known that.
Odo has him in a holding cell.
It's an open and shut case.
It's an open and shut case,
but I'm not going to press charges.
I'm in enough trouble with the FCA
as it is.
Odo will have to let them go.
The FCA will just send
another Liquidator.
That one will make an example
of you.
- Then you'll be the one gloating.
- I don't want to gloat.
- I want to end the strike.
- So give us what we want.
- I'm not going against tradition.
- You're just afraid of the FCA.
Of course I'm afraid of the FCA.
They crushed my eye socket.
If you had any sense,
you'd be afraid of them too.
If this strike doesn't get settled soon,
we'll both be tossed out
of the nearest airlock.
You have to dissolve the union.
At least officially.
- What do you mean?
- I mean...
I mean you dissolve the union,
make it look like I've won
and I'll give you everything
you want.
- You'll meet our demands?
- That's what I said.
- Even sick leave?
- Even sick leave.
Six months from now,
when the FCA isn't watching so closely,
- you'll get your raises.
- Six months!
- It's the best I can do.
- No, it's not.
All you have to do is make up
a fake ledger for the FCA.
- They'll never know the difference.
- Shh!
All right, you'll get your raises
by the end of the week.
But the union dies here. Today.
And that's my final offer.
Better?
Much.
I thought about getting you a plant,
but it didn't seem right.
- A wise decision.
- I brought you this instead.
It's a collection of my favourite
Klingon operas.
Pipe them through the Defiant's
com-system as loud as you like.
A thoughtful gift.
Living on the Defiant
isn't going to change anything.
You have to get used
to life on the station.
- I'm not sure I agree.
- You're going to have to adapt.
Perhaps it'll be all of you
that have to adapt to me.
Come in. Welcome back.
Why don't you try your luck
at the dabo wheel?
- You're in a good mood.
- I just got a raise.
Major. I must say you are looking
particularly cleansed today.
Just get me two mugs of synthale,
a double order of hasperat
and hold the conversation.
No wonder I missed you.
Rom, there you are.
You're not in your waiter's uniform.
- I'll have a snail juice, please.
- No drinking on the job.
- That's no way to talk to a customer.
- You're an employee.
Not any more. I've wiped my last table
and mixed my last Blackhole.
I'm one of the station's
repair technicians.
Junior grade... night shift.
- You're quitting?
- Effective immediately.
I gave you everything you wanted.
But I do a lot better
when you're not around.
Don't worry. I'll keep your holosuites
running and fix your replicators.
I think this will be good
for our relationship.
Think about it.
If I keep working for you,
all I can look forward to is you dying
so I can inherit the bar.
I don't want you to die.
Besides, I deserve a life of my own.
- Without me looking after you...
- I'll do fine.
I suppose you will.
- I'll miss you.
- I'll be here all the time.
Only I'll be a paying customer.
Now get me my snail juice...
...brother.
Coming up.