Star Trek (1966–1969): Season 2, Episode 17 - A Piece of the Action - full transcript
The crew of the Enterprise struggles to cope with a planet of imitative people who have modeled their society on 1920s gangsters.
Approaching Sigma lotia II, captain.
- Standard orbit, Mr. Chekov.
- Captain.
I have received vocal contact
from an official station.
They relayed us to
a man named Oxmyx.
His title is boss.
Boss? All right, lieutenant,
put him on.
Oxmyx.
This is Captain James T. Kirk
of the starship Enterprise,
representing
the Federation of Planets.
Hello, captain. You're from
the same outfit as the Horizon?
Yes. Unfortunately,
the Horizon was lost
with all hands shortly
after leaving your planet.
We only received
her radio report last month.
Last month?
What are you talking about?
The Horizon left here
a hundred years ago.
Well, it's a little difficult to explain.
We received a report
a hundred years late
because it was sent
by conventional radio.
Your system is on
the outer reaches of the galaxy.
They didn't have subspace
communication in those days.
Toward the edge of what?
I'll explain it in more detail
when I see him.
The ship won't land,
but we'll transport
several people down.
Well, that's a little difficult
for you to understand too.
I'll explain it in more detail when I
see you. Where will be convenient?
Well, there's an intersection
just at the end of the block.
Near a yellow fireplug.
- Yellow fireplug.
- Think you can find it?
Scotty, do you have the coordinates?
- Located, sir.
- Good.
Mr. Oxmyx, we have
your intersection located.
- Will five minutes be all right?
- Fine, fine.
I'll have a reception committee
there to meet you.
Good, I'll be looking forward to it.
Kirk out.
- Scotty, you have the com.
- Aye, sir.
Spock, McCoy, we're beaming down.
Standard equipment.
The Horizon's contact came
before the non-interference directive
went into effect.
They must have interfered with
the normal evolution of the planet.
It will be interesting to see
the results of the contamination.
We don't know there is contamination.
The evidence is only circumstantial.
Well, what was the state of the lotian
culture before the Horizon came?
The beginnings of industrialisation.
Horizon reports indicate
the lotians are extremely intelligent
and somewhat imitative.
So we're going down
to recontaminate them.
If the damage has been done, doctor,
we are here to repair it.
Let's not argue about it,
let's go study it.
Energize.
- Fascinating.
- This is like coming home.
Home was never like this.
I've seen pictures of the old days
that looked like this.
Interesting, captain.
Passers-by are carrying,
I believe, firearms.
Okay, you three, let's see you petrify.
Sir, would you mind explaining
that statement, please?
I wanna see you turn to stone.
Put your hands over your head,
or you ain't gonna have no head
to put your hands over.
Space, the final frontier.
These are the voyages
of the starship Enterprise.
Its five-year mission:
To explore strange new worlds,
to seek out new life
and new civilisations,
to boldly go where no man
has gone before.
What's this?
That's a weapon.
Be careful with that.
A heater, huh?
Hey, the boss will love that.
Now, look, we were asked
to come down here by a Mr. Oxmyx.
- He said...
- I know what he said, bud.
He said some
of the boys would meet you.
- Okay, we're meeting you.
- Those firearms are not necessary.
- You trying to make trouble?
- Who, me?
Don't give me those baby blue eyes.
- What?
- I don't go for that innocent routine.
Sir, does everyone here
carry firearms?
I never heard
such stupid questions in my life.
Well, since this Oxmyx
asked us down here,
- don't you think we should see him?
- All right, get moving. Down the street.
Krako's getting more gall all the time.
- Is this how you greet all your guests?
- It happens, pal.
- That man's dead back there.
- Well, we ain't playing for peanuts.
What's the matter, you guys
never saw a hit before?
Sir, there are several questions
I would like to ask.
Ask the boss. I don't know nothing.
Get moving.
That's the contamination
you're looking for.
Yes, but the Horizon crew wasn't
composed of cold-blooded killers,
and they didn't report this culture
in this state either. What happened?
Hey, Kalo.
Hey, when's the boss
gonna do something
about the crummy streetlights
around here, huh?
A girl ain't safe.
Yeah, and how
about the laundry pickup?
We ain't had a truck by
in three weeks.
- Write him a letter.
- I did.
He sent it back with postage due.
Listen, we pay our percentages.
We're entitled to a little service
for our money, huh?
Get lost, will you?
Some people got nothing
to do but complain.
Is this the way your
citizens do business?
Their right of petition?
They pay their percentages,
and the boss takes care of them.
Hit that button.
- Yeah?
- Got them, boss. No sweat.
All right, bring them in.
Which one of you guys
is the captain?
It depends.
Make yourself a drink, captain.
It's good stuff. I distill it myself.
- No, thank you. You're Mr. Oxmyx?
- That's me, pal.
This is my first officer, Mr. Spock,
Dr. McCoy.
Doctor, huh?
Put the chopper down, Kalo.
These guys are our guests.
Pick up a cue, captain.
Go ahead.
You gotta excuse my boys.
Can't be too careful
around here these days.
Yes. Judging from what
we've seen so far, I agree.
They call you the boss, Mr. Oxmyx.
The boss of what?
The boss of my territory.
I got the biggest in the world.
You know, there's one thing wrong
with having the biggest.
There's always some punk
trying to cut you out.
That's why you can't be too careful.
- You're the government here?
- What government?
Like I told you, I got the territory
and I run it, that's all.
But there are other bosses,
other territories?
Yeah, sure. Maybe a dozen or so.
Not counting the small fry.
But then they get burned anyway,
as soon as I get around to it.
Does that include, if I may ask,
a gentleman called Krako?
- How do you know about Krako?
- He hit us, boss.
Okay. You hit him back, you hear?
Hard.
I'll take care of it.
Captain? Doctor?
- Gangsters.
- Chicago Mobs.
Published in 1992.
- Where'd you get this?
- Hey, hey, wait a minute.
- That's the Book.
- I know it's a book.
The Book. They left it.
The other ship, the Horizon.
This is the contamination, captain.
Astonishing.
An entire culture based on this.
You said they were imitative
and the book...
- No more cracks about the Book.
- Did they leave any other books?
Yeah, sure.
Some textbooks on how to make
radio sets and stuff like that but...
Look, I brought you down here
so you could help me,
not for you to ask me questions.
After that, I'll answer anything
you wanna know.
What is it you want?
Well, I was thinking.
You Feds must have made
a lot of improvements
since that other ship came here.
You probably got all kinds
of fancy heaters up there.
So here's the deal.
You give me all the heaters I need,
enough tools so I can knock off
all those punks all at once.
Then I'll take over,
and all you have to do
- is deal with me.
- Let me get this straight.
You want us to supply you
with arms and assistance
so you can carry out an aggression
against your neighbours?
What aggression?
I gotta make some hits. I want you
to help me hit them, that's all.
Fascinating, but quite impossible.
Mr. Oxmyx, my orders are
quite explicit. Under no...
I ain't interested in your orders.
From now on, you're gonna
take orders from me.
I'm gonna give you just eight hours
to give me the things I want.
If I don't have those tools by then,
I'm gonna call up your ship
and have them pick you up...
...in a box.
Is that understood, pal?
Hey, boss.
This here's a heater,
and I don't know what this is.
- Well, let's see how this thing works.
- Don't do that.
You could knock out
the side of the building.
That good, huh?
All you have to do is give me
about 100 of these fancy heaters,
and we'll have no more trouble.
Out of the question.
Captain Kirk,
I usually get what I want.
What's this thing?
- All right, burn them!
- Now, hold it.
It's a communication device.
How does it work?
It's locked onto my ship's system...
Kalo, take them to the warehouse
and put them in the bag.
- Keep a sharp eye on them, you hear?
- In the bag, boss. Come on.
Hey, you.
In the ship up there.
- Hey, you in the ship.
- Scott here. Who's this?
This is Bela Oxmyx.
I got your captain
and his friends down here.
You wanna see them alive,
you'll send me down a hundred
of these fancy heaters you got,
and some troops
to show me how to use them.
Am I to understand that you're
holding the captain and his party?
You heard right, pal.
I'm gonna give you just eight hours
to get me the goods I want,
or I put the hit on your friends.
You understand?
I don't know.
Lieutenant Hadley,
check the language banks
and find out what a... heater is.
One book on the gangs
of Chicago did all this.
- It's amazing.
- They evidently seized upon
that one book
as the blueprint for an entire society.
- As the Bible.
- In old Chicago,
conventional government almost broke
down. The gangs nearly took over.
Yeah, well, this Oxmyx
is the worst gangster of all.
We may quarrel
with Mr. Oxmyx's methods,
but his goal
is essentially the correct one.
This society must become united
or it will degenerate into total anarchy.
If this society broke down
as a result of the Horizon's influence,
then the Federation is responsible,
and we've got to do something
to straighten this mess out.
Spock, if you could get
to the sociological computers,
do you think
you could find a solution?
Unfortunately, I do not
have access to my computers,
nor are these gentlemen
likely to permit it.
Yeah. Well, I've got an idea
about that.
Gentlemen, gentlemen...
This... This card game is a kid's game.
- You think so, huh?
- Oh, yes, yes.
- I wouldn't waste my time.
- Who's asking you?
On Beta Antares IV,
they play a real game.
It's a man's game, but of course,
probably a little beyond you.
It requires intelligence.
Listen, Kirk, I can play
anything you can figure out.
Take the cards, big man.
- Show us how it's played.
- Captain, I am familiar
with the culture on Beta Antares IV.
- Spock. Spock.
- I don't know of any game...
Of course, the cards on
Beta Antares IV are different,
but not too different.
- Name of the game is called fizzbin.
- Fizzbin?
Fizzbin. It's not too difficult.
Each player gets six cards,
except for the dealer,
the player on the dealer's right
who gets seven.
- On the right?
- Yes.
The second card is turned up,
except on Tuesday.
On Tuesday.
Oh, look what you got, two jacks.
You got a half-fizzbin already.
- I need another jack.
- No, no, if you got another jack,
- why, you'd have a shralk.
- A shralk?
Yes, you'd be disqualified.
No, what you need now
is either a king and a deuce,
except at night, of course,
when you'd need
a queen and a four.
- Except at night.
- Right.
Oh, look at that.
You got another jack!
How lucky you are!
How wonderful for you!
Now, if you didn't get another jack,
if you had gotten a king,
why, then you'd get another card,
except when it's dark,
- when you'd have to give it back.
- If it were dark on Tuesday?
Yes, but what you're after
is a royal fizzbin,
but the odds in getting
a royal fizzbin are astron...
Spock, what are the odds
in getting a royal fizzbin?
I've never computed them, captain.
Well, they're astronomical,
believe me.
Astronomical.
Now, for the last card,
we'll call it a kronk.
- You got that?
- What?
I'll get it.
Spock, find the radio station.
Uhura is monitoring the broadcasts.
Cut in and have yourselves
beamed up to the ship.
- Surely you're coming?
- I will,
- but I'm bringing Bela Oxmyx.
- Jim, you can't...
Bones, this mess is our responsibility.
You have your orders. Let's go.
Hold it!
- Okay, pally, we're going for a ride.
- If you don't mind, I'd rather walk.
Listen, pally, this could
either be a taxi or a hearse.
You know what I mean?
I'm beginning to get the idea.
You do that very well.
Now, how are you
with primitive radio equipment?
Very simple.
Amplitude modulation transmission.
I simply adjust the frequency,
throw this switch,
and the Enterprise should answer.
That was the Jailbreakers with
their latest recording on Request Time,
brought to you by Bang-Bang,
the makers of the sweetest
little automatic in the worl...
- Fascinating.
- And very simple.
Well, let me see.
Enterprise, this is Mr. Spock.
Lieutenant Uhura here, Mr. Spock.
Mr. Spock, what are you doing
on this frequency?
A very long and complicated
story, lieutenant.
Notify the Transporter Room.
Two to beam up, these coordinates.
So you're the Fed, huh?
- Well, well, well.
- And you?
Krako. Jojo Krako.
I'm the head of the whole
southside territory.
Hey, I'm glad to see you.
Would you mind telling me
how you even know who I am?
Sit down, Kirk.
I've got all of Bela's
communications bugged.
He can't make a date with a broad
unless I know about it.
Well, I guess you wanna know
why I brought you here.
You wanna make a deal.
Hey, I like that. That is sharp.
- That's sharp, eh, Zabo?
- Sharp, boss.
That's right, a deal.
I want you to help me.
Let me guess. You want...
You want heaters,
and then you'll want troops
to teach them how to use them.
And then you'll attack the other bosses
and take over the whole planet.
- Then we'll sit down and talk, right?
- Wrong!
I know Bela.
He didn't offer you beans.
Now, me, I'm a reasonable man.
You give me what I want,
and I'll cut you in for, say,
a third.
Skimmed right off the top.
Well, what do you think?
I got a better idea.
This planet has to be united.
Now, you know that,
Bela knows that.
Let's sit down. You, me, Bela.
Discuss this whole matter,
contact the other bosses,
and talk about it
like reasonable men.
You watch it, Kirk.
The Book
tells us how to handle things.
You make hits.
Somebody argues, you lean on him.
You think we're stupid or something?
No, no, no, I don't think
you're stupid, Mr. Krako,
I just think your behaviour
is arrested.
I've never been arrested
in my whole life!
Now, listen, pally,
I know how to get what I want.
You wanna live, don't you, Kirk?
You bet you do,
but after I get through with you,
you're liable to be sorry
unless you come across.
Hold him here.
Tell Cirl the Knife
to sharpen up his blade.
I just might have a job for him.
Unless you come across
with the heaters.
I'm sorry, Krako. No deal.
That's too bad.
Put him on ice.
- Well?
- Futile, doctor. No specifics.
There is no record of such a culture
based on a moral inversion.
- You mean you're giving up?
- No, doctor.
I'm merely saying the computers can
offer us no logical, rational, factual way
- out of our current dilemma.
- Mr. Spock.
Mr. Oxmyx is making contact
from the surface.
On audio, lieutenant.
Mr. Oxmyx, this is Mr. Spock.
Hey, how'd you get back up there?
- Irrelevant, since we are here.
- Oh, yeah.
I tell you,
you better come on back down.
Krako's put the bag on your captain.
Why would he put a bag
on our captain?
Kidnapped him, you dope.
- He'll scrag him too.
- If I understand you correctly,
that would seem to be a problem.
Look, you guys got something I want.
I can help you get your captain back.
Then we can talk about
the deal I want.
I'm afraid I find it difficult
to trust you, Mr. Oxmyx.
What's to trust?
Business is business.
We'll call a truce.
You come on down.
My boys will spring Kirk, and then
we'll talk about giving me a hand.
You will show no further hostility?
I'm a businessman, pally.
What do you say?
Since we must have
our captain back, I accept.
We shall arrive in your office
within ten minutes.
Spock out.
You mean you're gonna trust him?
If we are to save the captain
without blatant, forceful interference
on this planet, doctor,
we must have the assistance
of someone indigenous.
We are therefore forced
to trust Mr. Oxmyx.
Help me! Help! Help me!
Help!
Mr. Scott, though we hope
to avoid interference,
I suggest you set one of our phaser
banks on a strong stun position.
Aye, sir.
Now you're beginning
to make sense.
I trust we shall not have to use them,
but it is best to be prepared.
Energize.
- You know what to do.
- Don't worry, boss.
They can't do nothing
till they're through sparkling.
Just the same, you be careful.
They'll have heaters on them.
Now, you watch this.
Ship's log, Mr. Spock reporting.
Incredible as it seems,
Dr. McCoy and I are once again
prisoners of the chief criminal boss
of a society patterned
after old Earth gangsters.
Pick up many more of these,
I won't need your cooperation.
Mr. Oxmyx, I understood
we had an arrangement, a truce.
I was hoping you'd think that, dummy.
We're trying to help you,
Oxmyx.
Nobody helps nobody but himself.
Sir, you are employing
a double negative.
I fail to see why you
do not understand us.
You yourself have stated the need
for unity of authority on this planet.
- We agree.
- Yeah, but I gotta be the unity.
Cooperation, sir, would
inevitably result...
The most cooperative man
in this world is a dead man.
And if you don't keep your mouth shut,
you're gonna be cooperating.
Drop the guns. Drop them.
Move down there.
Hey, captain, you got away from
Krako. You know, that ain't easy.
You were supposed
to report to the ship.
We did, captain.
The situation required our return.
It may be just as well.
- Find out anything from the computer?
- Nothing useful.
Logic and practical information
do not seem to apply here.
You admit that?
To deny the facts would
be illogical, doctor.
Then you don't mind
if I play a hunch?
I'm not sanguine
about hunches, captain,
but I have no practical alternative.
What are we gonna do now, Jim?
Well, now that we have Bela,
I'm gonna put the bag on Krako.
Now, listen, you...
Say, that's nice material.
- It ought to be. It cost a bundle.
- Get out of them.
- Hey!
- I said...
- Just a minute.
- You too!
Get out of the clothes.
Nobody's gonna put
the bag on me anymore.
Wheels, Mr. Spock.
A fliver, captain.
Key in the ignition,
turn the ignition on...
And nothing happens.
Where's the starter?
There's the starter. Yeah.
Interesting.
- Gears.
- Yes, gears.
Oh, I believe they had a device
known as a...
A clutch. A clutch, captain.
Perhaps one of those pedals
on the floor.
I kind of like this.
I may get one myself.
Captain, you are
an excellent starship commander,
but as a taxi driver,
you leave much to be desired.
It was that bad?
Now, that could be
a bit of a problem.
If they were inside where
they wouldn't be seen,
we could stun them with our phasers,
but not out here.
If we can get close enough to them,
we should be able to render them
harmless with a reasonable rapidity.
They don't look like
the trusting type.
- It's a hit, ain't it?
- I beg your pardon.
You're gonna hit somebody.
Can I watch?
- Young man, run along and play.
- Where'd you get them ears?
- Young man...
- You gonna hit Krako? Out here?
You open up and you'll be scragged
from every window on the street.
I can fix it for you.
Young man, this is likely
to be quite hazardous.
- If I were you...
- Hold on, Spock.
- Out of the mouths of babes...
- Who are you calling a babe?
- I'm calling you a babe.
- Calling me a babe?
Yeah, I'm calling...
I'm calling you a babe,
but there's nothing personal.
Sit down.
You know a way
we could get close to them?
- Sure.
- How?
- What's in it for me?
- What do you want?
A piece of the action.
You do not even know
what the action is going to be.
I figure it's gotta be
a thick percentage,
- or you wouldn't be trying to hit Krako.
- Logical.
All right, young man,
we'll guarantee you
a piece of the action
if we can pull this thing off.
- Is that a contract?
- Done.
- What do we do?
- You'll know what to do.
And that!
And how do you like that?
And that!
Think you can gang up on me, huh?
What are you, chicken?
Come on, why don't you
gang up on me?
I'll cut off your head
and throw it in your face!
Now, take that and that!
And that! And how do you like
that and..?
Daddy, Daddy, I hurt myself.
- Daddy, Daddy, I hurt myself.
- That's it. Let's go.
What's the matter? Hurt yourself?
- I want my daddy.
- Cute kid, ain't he?
- Sure is.
- Daddy!
- I want my Daddy!
- Sonny!
- I want my dad.
- Sonny.
- What's the matter?
- Wait. What have they done?
What have they done to you?
What have you done?
A piece of the action.
No one can see.
Put your phaser on stun.
Well, ain't this nice?
I was wondering
how I was gonna get you back,
and here you deliver yourself.
Who's your friend
with the ears, Kirk?
I think you've got it reversed,
Mr. Krako.
I ain't, pally. Put down your heaters.
Captain,
I believe that perhaps
it would be wise to do as he says.
I just heard the sound of...
The sound of a machine-gun bolt
being pulled back.
Mr. Krako, I don't...
So this is the fancy heater, huh?
- How does it work?
- I'm trying to tell you, Mr. Krako,
that this is bigger than you,
Oxmyx or anyone.
The only thing I want you
to tell me is how it works.
Well, can you trust all your men?
Of course I can.
Well, one of these could make a man
a pretty big boss, you know.
I either trust them or they're dead.
Let's go in here and talk about it.
Now we got no busy little eyes to
worry about. How does this work?
All right, Krako,
we don't have time to show you
how to play with toys.
Toys?
What do you think we're here for,
to get a cut of your deal?
Forget it. That's... peanuts
to an outfit like the Federation, right?
Unquestionably.
- Right?
- Right.
Now, look, Krako, we're taking over
the whole ball of wax.
And you cooperate with us,
and maybe we'll cut you in
for a piece of the action.
A minuscule...
A very small piece.
- How much is that?
- That's...
We'll figure it out later.
I thought you guys had laws.
No interference.
Who's interfering?
We're taking over.
- Check?
- Right.
The planet
is being taken over
by the Federation,
but we don't wanna come
in here and use our muscle.
You know what I mean?
That ain't subtle.
So, what we do is we...
We help one guy
take over the planet.
He pulls the strings,
and then we pull his.
Hey, you, sit down.
- What's your cut?
- What do you care,
as long as you're being cut in?
Of course, there's always
Bela Oxmyx.
All right, it's a deal.
Call your ship,
bring down your boys
and whatever else you need.
- Kirk to Enterprise.
- Enterprise. Scott here.
All right, Scotty,
we made a deal with Krako.
- We did, sir?
- Yeah, we're ready to make the hit.
We're taking over the whole
planet as soon as you get ready.
Do you think that's wise, sir?
Sure, we can trust Krako,
but we don't have any choice.
You know what I mean?
He's standing about 12 feet
in front of me,
all ready to be our pal.
Of course, Scotty,
I'd like to show him the ship,
just to show him that we're...
We're on the level,
but you know how it is.
Aye. I know, indeed.
Scotty, we'll need phasers
to equip every one of Krako's men.
We'll need advisors and troops
to back him up on the hit.
- You got all that, Scotty?
- Aye, captain.
Captain, we're preparing everything.
It'll be ready when you give the word.
You may begin, Mr. Scott.
Acknowledged, captain.
You mean you're gonna start
sending down your boys now?
Not exactly.
- Right?
- Check.
How..? How'd I get here?
What..? What happened?
You, you must be that
Scott fellow that Kirk was talking to.
I wanna know what happened!
It looks like we put the bag
on you, doesn't it?
- I got rights!
- You got nothing.
You mind your place, mister,
or you'll...
You'll be wearing concrete galoshes.
You mean cement overshoes?
Aye.
- Must we?
- It's faster than walking.
- But not as safe.
- Are you afraid of cars?
Not at all, captain.
It's your driving that alarms me.
Spock, I've got the hang
of it by now. Go on.
Oh, not again.
Hey, wake up. You all right?
Hey, you guys, come in here!
The Feds snatched Krako.
I never seen anything like it.
They're gonna move in
unless we stop them now.
Yeah? How?
Bela's mixed up in this somehow.
I got a sneaking hunch they're gonna
hightail it back to his territory.
And you know what we're gonna do?
We're gonna hit his place.
Where are they?
Knowing Krako, he'll probably
send them back on a blotter.
Wrong again, Oxmyx.
- Jim.
- Knock it off, Sawbones.
I wanna talk to this creep.
Now, listen, I'm getting tired
of playing patty cake with
you penny-ante operators.
What do you mean,
a penny-ante operator?
You're a penny-ante
operator. Sit down.
All right, Spocko, cover him.
Listen, sweetheart, the Federation's
moving in. We're taking over.
You play ball,
we'll cut you in for a piece.
If you don't, you're out. All the way out.
Do you know what I mean?
Yeah. Sure.
Why didn't you say so
in the first place?
All you had to do
was explain it to me.
Kirk to Enterprise.
Enterprise. Scott here, sir.
- You got Krako on ice?
- Aye, he's here.
Mad enough to chew neutronium,
but behaving himself.
Okay, baby, cool him until I flag you.
Flag me?
Keep him there until I send for him.
We're gonna make some old-style
phone calls from this locale,
so you locate the man
on the other end of the blower
- and give him a ride to his flop.
- What?
Find the man at the
other end of the phone,
and transport him
to these coordinates.
Can do, sweetheart?
Can do, captain.
- Standing by.
- Now, you.
Get on the blower
and call the other bosses.
I sure don't know what
you think you're talking about.
Get with it. I'm giving the orders here.
Hello. Hello?
- Scotty.
- Scott here.
- Guess who.
- Lock in and energize.
Yeah, you bet your life
I've got a lot of nerve.
What are you gonna do about it?
I'm coming over there with
a couple of my boys and we...
Mother...
- Hey, captain, that ain't bad.
- Yeah.
I would advise youse
to keep dialling, Oxmyx.
All right, you know what to do.
We hit Bela's place
and nobody comes out alive.
All right, let's go!
All right. All right.
All right! All right!
Now, the Federation's taking
over whether you like it or not.
You people, you've been running
this planet like a piecework factory.
From now on,
it's gonna be under one roof.
You're gonna run it like a...
Like a business.
And that means,
you're gonna make a profit.
Yeah. And what's your percentage?
I'm cutting the Federation in
for 40 percent.
- You got any objections?
- Yeah.
I hear a lot of talk,
but all I see here is you
and a couple of your boys.
I don't see no Federation.
Listen, they got a ship.
I know, I was there.
Wait a minute. Wait a minute.
- Tepo's got a point. All we see is them.
- Right.
What? Couple of your boys?
I'm not gonna believe my eyes...
Hang on a minute,
hang on a minute.
Quiet! Just a moment.
Let me say something.
I only saw three guys on that ship.
Maybe there ain't no more.
There are over 400 guys there.
That's your story, buster.
Hey, that's my boys,
they're making a hit on this place.
- My boys will put you down.
- Wanna bet?
Keep moving.
One move out of you two guys
and I'll drill him.
Give me the hardware.
Hey, that's great, Krako.
Now we got hostages again.
We can make a deal with the Feds.
Are you kidding?
This one's all mine.
From now on,
nobody's going no place.
I'm gonna be the big boss
in this here territory.
Now, wait a minute, wait a minute.
Get that heater down.
Don't you wanna take a look
at what you're gonna fight?
I already seen it.
You're nothing, Fed.
All right, but at least let me
call my ship one last time
- and say goodbye.
- Well, all right. Go ahead.
Don't get smart.
Hello, Scotty, this is Kirk.
Enterprise. Scott here, sir.
Scotty, put the ship's phasers
on stun.
Fire out bursts in a one-block
radius around these coordinates.
Right away, sir. Scott out.
Gee, that's some trick.
- Hey, did you see that?
- They're not dead,
just knocked out for a while.
But they might just as well have
been that way if we wanted them to.
Okay, okay, Kirk.
So we get the message.
Now, what was this syndicate deal
you were talking about?
He... He was talking
about a percentage.
- I was talking about both.
- Okay.
A syndicate makes sense to me.
I'm a peaceful man at heart,
but I'm sick and tired of all these hits.
I hit Krako. Krako hits Tepo.
Tepo hits me.
There's too many bosses.
We can't get anything done.
I was thinking, if there was just one,
maybe somebody like you
as the top boss,
then we can get things done.
Hey, Bela. No, no, no.
The Federation can't get connected
with a small-time operation like this.
No, I was thinking, Bela,
you would be the top boss.
Krako, you'd be his lieutenant.
I don't want any trouble
from the rest of you,
because you'll have to answer
to the Federation.
We'll be back every year
to collect our cut.
Hey, look, you figure
maybe 40 percent's enough?
Yeah, I think 40 percent's sufficient.
It's reasonable. It sounds reasonable.
That sound reasonable to you?
It's reasonable, Mr. Oxmyx.
Let's break out some
of your drinking stuff
and celebrate the syndicate.
Gentlemen, you two
have been brooding
- ever since we returned to the ship.
- Brooding, captain?
Brooding, Mr. Spock.
A sombre emotional state.
Now, do you wish to continue it
or are you going to discuss it?
Captain, I am neither
brooding nor sombre.
But I do have reservations
about your solution
to the problem of the lotians.
Yes. I understand that.
You don't think it's logical
to leave a criminal
organisation in charge.
Highly irregular,
to say the least, captain.
I'm also curious as to
how you propose to
explain to Starfleet Command
that a starship will be sent
each year to collect our cut.
Yes, that's a very good
question, Mr. Spock.
I propose that our cut
be put into the planetary treasury
and used to guide the lotians
into a more ethical system.
Despite themselves,
they'll be forced to accept
conventional responsibilities.
Isn't that logical?
All right, Bones, in the
language of the planet,
what's your beef?
Well, I don't know
how serious this is, Jim,
and I don't quite know
how to tell you.
Well, go ahead.
- But in all the confusion, l...
- Go ahead, tell me.
- I think I left it in Bela's office.
- You left it?
Somewhere. I'm not certain.
You're not certain of what?
- I left my communicator.
- In Bela's office?
Captain, if the lotians,
who are very bright
and imitative people,
- should take the communicator apart...
- They will.
They'll find out
how the transtator works.
The transtator is the basis for
every important piece of equipment
- that we have.
- Do you think it's that serious?
Serious? Serious, Bones?
It upsets the whole percentage.
How do you mean?
Well, in a few years, the lotians
may demand a piece of our action.
- Standard orbit, Mr. Chekov.
- Captain.
I have received vocal contact
from an official station.
They relayed us to
a man named Oxmyx.
His title is boss.
Boss? All right, lieutenant,
put him on.
Oxmyx.
This is Captain James T. Kirk
of the starship Enterprise,
representing
the Federation of Planets.
Hello, captain. You're from
the same outfit as the Horizon?
Yes. Unfortunately,
the Horizon was lost
with all hands shortly
after leaving your planet.
We only received
her radio report last month.
Last month?
What are you talking about?
The Horizon left here
a hundred years ago.
Well, it's a little difficult to explain.
We received a report
a hundred years late
because it was sent
by conventional radio.
Your system is on
the outer reaches of the galaxy.
They didn't have subspace
communication in those days.
Toward the edge of what?
I'll explain it in more detail
when I see him.
The ship won't land,
but we'll transport
several people down.
Well, that's a little difficult
for you to understand too.
I'll explain it in more detail when I
see you. Where will be convenient?
Well, there's an intersection
just at the end of the block.
Near a yellow fireplug.
- Yellow fireplug.
- Think you can find it?
Scotty, do you have the coordinates?
- Located, sir.
- Good.
Mr. Oxmyx, we have
your intersection located.
- Will five minutes be all right?
- Fine, fine.
I'll have a reception committee
there to meet you.
Good, I'll be looking forward to it.
Kirk out.
- Scotty, you have the com.
- Aye, sir.
Spock, McCoy, we're beaming down.
Standard equipment.
The Horizon's contact came
before the non-interference directive
went into effect.
They must have interfered with
the normal evolution of the planet.
It will be interesting to see
the results of the contamination.
We don't know there is contamination.
The evidence is only circumstantial.
Well, what was the state of the lotian
culture before the Horizon came?
The beginnings of industrialisation.
Horizon reports indicate
the lotians are extremely intelligent
and somewhat imitative.
So we're going down
to recontaminate them.
If the damage has been done, doctor,
we are here to repair it.
Let's not argue about it,
let's go study it.
Energize.
- Fascinating.
- This is like coming home.
Home was never like this.
I've seen pictures of the old days
that looked like this.
Interesting, captain.
Passers-by are carrying,
I believe, firearms.
Okay, you three, let's see you petrify.
Sir, would you mind explaining
that statement, please?
I wanna see you turn to stone.
Put your hands over your head,
or you ain't gonna have no head
to put your hands over.
Space, the final frontier.
These are the voyages
of the starship Enterprise.
Its five-year mission:
To explore strange new worlds,
to seek out new life
and new civilisations,
to boldly go where no man
has gone before.
What's this?
That's a weapon.
Be careful with that.
A heater, huh?
Hey, the boss will love that.
Now, look, we were asked
to come down here by a Mr. Oxmyx.
- He said...
- I know what he said, bud.
He said some
of the boys would meet you.
- Okay, we're meeting you.
- Those firearms are not necessary.
- You trying to make trouble?
- Who, me?
Don't give me those baby blue eyes.
- What?
- I don't go for that innocent routine.
Sir, does everyone here
carry firearms?
I never heard
such stupid questions in my life.
Well, since this Oxmyx
asked us down here,
- don't you think we should see him?
- All right, get moving. Down the street.
Krako's getting more gall all the time.
- Is this how you greet all your guests?
- It happens, pal.
- That man's dead back there.
- Well, we ain't playing for peanuts.
What's the matter, you guys
never saw a hit before?
Sir, there are several questions
I would like to ask.
Ask the boss. I don't know nothing.
Get moving.
That's the contamination
you're looking for.
Yes, but the Horizon crew wasn't
composed of cold-blooded killers,
and they didn't report this culture
in this state either. What happened?
Hey, Kalo.
Hey, when's the boss
gonna do something
about the crummy streetlights
around here, huh?
A girl ain't safe.
Yeah, and how
about the laundry pickup?
We ain't had a truck by
in three weeks.
- Write him a letter.
- I did.
He sent it back with postage due.
Listen, we pay our percentages.
We're entitled to a little service
for our money, huh?
Get lost, will you?
Some people got nothing
to do but complain.
Is this the way your
citizens do business?
Their right of petition?
They pay their percentages,
and the boss takes care of them.
Hit that button.
- Yeah?
- Got them, boss. No sweat.
All right, bring them in.
Which one of you guys
is the captain?
It depends.
Make yourself a drink, captain.
It's good stuff. I distill it myself.
- No, thank you. You're Mr. Oxmyx?
- That's me, pal.
This is my first officer, Mr. Spock,
Dr. McCoy.
Doctor, huh?
Put the chopper down, Kalo.
These guys are our guests.
Pick up a cue, captain.
Go ahead.
You gotta excuse my boys.
Can't be too careful
around here these days.
Yes. Judging from what
we've seen so far, I agree.
They call you the boss, Mr. Oxmyx.
The boss of what?
The boss of my territory.
I got the biggest in the world.
You know, there's one thing wrong
with having the biggest.
There's always some punk
trying to cut you out.
That's why you can't be too careful.
- You're the government here?
- What government?
Like I told you, I got the territory
and I run it, that's all.
But there are other bosses,
other territories?
Yeah, sure. Maybe a dozen or so.
Not counting the small fry.
But then they get burned anyway,
as soon as I get around to it.
Does that include, if I may ask,
a gentleman called Krako?
- How do you know about Krako?
- He hit us, boss.
Okay. You hit him back, you hear?
Hard.
I'll take care of it.
Captain? Doctor?
- Gangsters.
- Chicago Mobs.
Published in 1992.
- Where'd you get this?
- Hey, hey, wait a minute.
- That's the Book.
- I know it's a book.
The Book. They left it.
The other ship, the Horizon.
This is the contamination, captain.
Astonishing.
An entire culture based on this.
You said they were imitative
and the book...
- No more cracks about the Book.
- Did they leave any other books?
Yeah, sure.
Some textbooks on how to make
radio sets and stuff like that but...
Look, I brought you down here
so you could help me,
not for you to ask me questions.
After that, I'll answer anything
you wanna know.
What is it you want?
Well, I was thinking.
You Feds must have made
a lot of improvements
since that other ship came here.
You probably got all kinds
of fancy heaters up there.
So here's the deal.
You give me all the heaters I need,
enough tools so I can knock off
all those punks all at once.
Then I'll take over,
and all you have to do
- is deal with me.
- Let me get this straight.
You want us to supply you
with arms and assistance
so you can carry out an aggression
against your neighbours?
What aggression?
I gotta make some hits. I want you
to help me hit them, that's all.
Fascinating, but quite impossible.
Mr. Oxmyx, my orders are
quite explicit. Under no...
I ain't interested in your orders.
From now on, you're gonna
take orders from me.
I'm gonna give you just eight hours
to give me the things I want.
If I don't have those tools by then,
I'm gonna call up your ship
and have them pick you up...
...in a box.
Is that understood, pal?
Hey, boss.
This here's a heater,
and I don't know what this is.
- Well, let's see how this thing works.
- Don't do that.
You could knock out
the side of the building.
That good, huh?
All you have to do is give me
about 100 of these fancy heaters,
and we'll have no more trouble.
Out of the question.
Captain Kirk,
I usually get what I want.
What's this thing?
- All right, burn them!
- Now, hold it.
It's a communication device.
How does it work?
It's locked onto my ship's system...
Kalo, take them to the warehouse
and put them in the bag.
- Keep a sharp eye on them, you hear?
- In the bag, boss. Come on.
Hey, you.
In the ship up there.
- Hey, you in the ship.
- Scott here. Who's this?
This is Bela Oxmyx.
I got your captain
and his friends down here.
You wanna see them alive,
you'll send me down a hundred
of these fancy heaters you got,
and some troops
to show me how to use them.
Am I to understand that you're
holding the captain and his party?
You heard right, pal.
I'm gonna give you just eight hours
to get me the goods I want,
or I put the hit on your friends.
You understand?
I don't know.
Lieutenant Hadley,
check the language banks
and find out what a... heater is.
One book on the gangs
of Chicago did all this.
- It's amazing.
- They evidently seized upon
that one book
as the blueprint for an entire society.
- As the Bible.
- In old Chicago,
conventional government almost broke
down. The gangs nearly took over.
Yeah, well, this Oxmyx
is the worst gangster of all.
We may quarrel
with Mr. Oxmyx's methods,
but his goal
is essentially the correct one.
This society must become united
or it will degenerate into total anarchy.
If this society broke down
as a result of the Horizon's influence,
then the Federation is responsible,
and we've got to do something
to straighten this mess out.
Spock, if you could get
to the sociological computers,
do you think
you could find a solution?
Unfortunately, I do not
have access to my computers,
nor are these gentlemen
likely to permit it.
Yeah. Well, I've got an idea
about that.
Gentlemen, gentlemen...
This... This card game is a kid's game.
- You think so, huh?
- Oh, yes, yes.
- I wouldn't waste my time.
- Who's asking you?
On Beta Antares IV,
they play a real game.
It's a man's game, but of course,
probably a little beyond you.
It requires intelligence.
Listen, Kirk, I can play
anything you can figure out.
Take the cards, big man.
- Show us how it's played.
- Captain, I am familiar
with the culture on Beta Antares IV.
- Spock. Spock.
- I don't know of any game...
Of course, the cards on
Beta Antares IV are different,
but not too different.
- Name of the game is called fizzbin.
- Fizzbin?
Fizzbin. It's not too difficult.
Each player gets six cards,
except for the dealer,
the player on the dealer's right
who gets seven.
- On the right?
- Yes.
The second card is turned up,
except on Tuesday.
On Tuesday.
Oh, look what you got, two jacks.
You got a half-fizzbin already.
- I need another jack.
- No, no, if you got another jack,
- why, you'd have a shralk.
- A shralk?
Yes, you'd be disqualified.
No, what you need now
is either a king and a deuce,
except at night, of course,
when you'd need
a queen and a four.
- Except at night.
- Right.
Oh, look at that.
You got another jack!
How lucky you are!
How wonderful for you!
Now, if you didn't get another jack,
if you had gotten a king,
why, then you'd get another card,
except when it's dark,
- when you'd have to give it back.
- If it were dark on Tuesday?
Yes, but what you're after
is a royal fizzbin,
but the odds in getting
a royal fizzbin are astron...
Spock, what are the odds
in getting a royal fizzbin?
I've never computed them, captain.
Well, they're astronomical,
believe me.
Astronomical.
Now, for the last card,
we'll call it a kronk.
- You got that?
- What?
I'll get it.
Spock, find the radio station.
Uhura is monitoring the broadcasts.
Cut in and have yourselves
beamed up to the ship.
- Surely you're coming?
- I will,
- but I'm bringing Bela Oxmyx.
- Jim, you can't...
Bones, this mess is our responsibility.
You have your orders. Let's go.
Hold it!
- Okay, pally, we're going for a ride.
- If you don't mind, I'd rather walk.
Listen, pally, this could
either be a taxi or a hearse.
You know what I mean?
I'm beginning to get the idea.
You do that very well.
Now, how are you
with primitive radio equipment?
Very simple.
Amplitude modulation transmission.
I simply adjust the frequency,
throw this switch,
and the Enterprise should answer.
That was the Jailbreakers with
their latest recording on Request Time,
brought to you by Bang-Bang,
the makers of the sweetest
little automatic in the worl...
- Fascinating.
- And very simple.
Well, let me see.
Enterprise, this is Mr. Spock.
Lieutenant Uhura here, Mr. Spock.
Mr. Spock, what are you doing
on this frequency?
A very long and complicated
story, lieutenant.
Notify the Transporter Room.
Two to beam up, these coordinates.
So you're the Fed, huh?
- Well, well, well.
- And you?
Krako. Jojo Krako.
I'm the head of the whole
southside territory.
Hey, I'm glad to see you.
Would you mind telling me
how you even know who I am?
Sit down, Kirk.
I've got all of Bela's
communications bugged.
He can't make a date with a broad
unless I know about it.
Well, I guess you wanna know
why I brought you here.
You wanna make a deal.
Hey, I like that. That is sharp.
- That's sharp, eh, Zabo?
- Sharp, boss.
That's right, a deal.
I want you to help me.
Let me guess. You want...
You want heaters,
and then you'll want troops
to teach them how to use them.
And then you'll attack the other bosses
and take over the whole planet.
- Then we'll sit down and talk, right?
- Wrong!
I know Bela.
He didn't offer you beans.
Now, me, I'm a reasonable man.
You give me what I want,
and I'll cut you in for, say,
a third.
Skimmed right off the top.
Well, what do you think?
I got a better idea.
This planet has to be united.
Now, you know that,
Bela knows that.
Let's sit down. You, me, Bela.
Discuss this whole matter,
contact the other bosses,
and talk about it
like reasonable men.
You watch it, Kirk.
The Book
tells us how to handle things.
You make hits.
Somebody argues, you lean on him.
You think we're stupid or something?
No, no, no, I don't think
you're stupid, Mr. Krako,
I just think your behaviour
is arrested.
I've never been arrested
in my whole life!
Now, listen, pally,
I know how to get what I want.
You wanna live, don't you, Kirk?
You bet you do,
but after I get through with you,
you're liable to be sorry
unless you come across.
Hold him here.
Tell Cirl the Knife
to sharpen up his blade.
I just might have a job for him.
Unless you come across
with the heaters.
I'm sorry, Krako. No deal.
That's too bad.
Put him on ice.
- Well?
- Futile, doctor. No specifics.
There is no record of such a culture
based on a moral inversion.
- You mean you're giving up?
- No, doctor.
I'm merely saying the computers can
offer us no logical, rational, factual way
- out of our current dilemma.
- Mr. Spock.
Mr. Oxmyx is making contact
from the surface.
On audio, lieutenant.
Mr. Oxmyx, this is Mr. Spock.
Hey, how'd you get back up there?
- Irrelevant, since we are here.
- Oh, yeah.
I tell you,
you better come on back down.
Krako's put the bag on your captain.
Why would he put a bag
on our captain?
Kidnapped him, you dope.
- He'll scrag him too.
- If I understand you correctly,
that would seem to be a problem.
Look, you guys got something I want.
I can help you get your captain back.
Then we can talk about
the deal I want.
I'm afraid I find it difficult
to trust you, Mr. Oxmyx.
What's to trust?
Business is business.
We'll call a truce.
You come on down.
My boys will spring Kirk, and then
we'll talk about giving me a hand.
You will show no further hostility?
I'm a businessman, pally.
What do you say?
Since we must have
our captain back, I accept.
We shall arrive in your office
within ten minutes.
Spock out.
You mean you're gonna trust him?
If we are to save the captain
without blatant, forceful interference
on this planet, doctor,
we must have the assistance
of someone indigenous.
We are therefore forced
to trust Mr. Oxmyx.
Help me! Help! Help me!
Help!
Mr. Scott, though we hope
to avoid interference,
I suggest you set one of our phaser
banks on a strong stun position.
Aye, sir.
Now you're beginning
to make sense.
I trust we shall not have to use them,
but it is best to be prepared.
Energize.
- You know what to do.
- Don't worry, boss.
They can't do nothing
till they're through sparkling.
Just the same, you be careful.
They'll have heaters on them.
Now, you watch this.
Ship's log, Mr. Spock reporting.
Incredible as it seems,
Dr. McCoy and I are once again
prisoners of the chief criminal boss
of a society patterned
after old Earth gangsters.
Pick up many more of these,
I won't need your cooperation.
Mr. Oxmyx, I understood
we had an arrangement, a truce.
I was hoping you'd think that, dummy.
We're trying to help you,
Oxmyx.
Nobody helps nobody but himself.
Sir, you are employing
a double negative.
I fail to see why you
do not understand us.
You yourself have stated the need
for unity of authority on this planet.
- We agree.
- Yeah, but I gotta be the unity.
Cooperation, sir, would
inevitably result...
The most cooperative man
in this world is a dead man.
And if you don't keep your mouth shut,
you're gonna be cooperating.
Drop the guns. Drop them.
Move down there.
Hey, captain, you got away from
Krako. You know, that ain't easy.
You were supposed
to report to the ship.
We did, captain.
The situation required our return.
It may be just as well.
- Find out anything from the computer?
- Nothing useful.
Logic and practical information
do not seem to apply here.
You admit that?
To deny the facts would
be illogical, doctor.
Then you don't mind
if I play a hunch?
I'm not sanguine
about hunches, captain,
but I have no practical alternative.
What are we gonna do now, Jim?
Well, now that we have Bela,
I'm gonna put the bag on Krako.
Now, listen, you...
Say, that's nice material.
- It ought to be. It cost a bundle.
- Get out of them.
- Hey!
- I said...
- Just a minute.
- You too!
Get out of the clothes.
Nobody's gonna put
the bag on me anymore.
Wheels, Mr. Spock.
A fliver, captain.
Key in the ignition,
turn the ignition on...
And nothing happens.
Where's the starter?
There's the starter. Yeah.
Interesting.
- Gears.
- Yes, gears.
Oh, I believe they had a device
known as a...
A clutch. A clutch, captain.
Perhaps one of those pedals
on the floor.
I kind of like this.
I may get one myself.
Captain, you are
an excellent starship commander,
but as a taxi driver,
you leave much to be desired.
It was that bad?
Now, that could be
a bit of a problem.
If they were inside where
they wouldn't be seen,
we could stun them with our phasers,
but not out here.
If we can get close enough to them,
we should be able to render them
harmless with a reasonable rapidity.
They don't look like
the trusting type.
- It's a hit, ain't it?
- I beg your pardon.
You're gonna hit somebody.
Can I watch?
- Young man, run along and play.
- Where'd you get them ears?
- Young man...
- You gonna hit Krako? Out here?
You open up and you'll be scragged
from every window on the street.
I can fix it for you.
Young man, this is likely
to be quite hazardous.
- If I were you...
- Hold on, Spock.
- Out of the mouths of babes...
- Who are you calling a babe?
- I'm calling you a babe.
- Calling me a babe?
Yeah, I'm calling...
I'm calling you a babe,
but there's nothing personal.
Sit down.
You know a way
we could get close to them?
- Sure.
- How?
- What's in it for me?
- What do you want?
A piece of the action.
You do not even know
what the action is going to be.
I figure it's gotta be
a thick percentage,
- or you wouldn't be trying to hit Krako.
- Logical.
All right, young man,
we'll guarantee you
a piece of the action
if we can pull this thing off.
- Is that a contract?
- Done.
- What do we do?
- You'll know what to do.
And that!
And how do you like that?
And that!
Think you can gang up on me, huh?
What are you, chicken?
Come on, why don't you
gang up on me?
I'll cut off your head
and throw it in your face!
Now, take that and that!
And that! And how do you like
that and..?
Daddy, Daddy, I hurt myself.
- Daddy, Daddy, I hurt myself.
- That's it. Let's go.
What's the matter? Hurt yourself?
- I want my daddy.
- Cute kid, ain't he?
- Sure is.
- Daddy!
- I want my Daddy!
- Sonny!
- I want my dad.
- Sonny.
- What's the matter?
- Wait. What have they done?
What have they done to you?
What have you done?
A piece of the action.
No one can see.
Put your phaser on stun.
Well, ain't this nice?
I was wondering
how I was gonna get you back,
and here you deliver yourself.
Who's your friend
with the ears, Kirk?
I think you've got it reversed,
Mr. Krako.
I ain't, pally. Put down your heaters.
Captain,
I believe that perhaps
it would be wise to do as he says.
I just heard the sound of...
The sound of a machine-gun bolt
being pulled back.
Mr. Krako, I don't...
So this is the fancy heater, huh?
- How does it work?
- I'm trying to tell you, Mr. Krako,
that this is bigger than you,
Oxmyx or anyone.
The only thing I want you
to tell me is how it works.
Well, can you trust all your men?
Of course I can.
Well, one of these could make a man
a pretty big boss, you know.
I either trust them or they're dead.
Let's go in here and talk about it.
Now we got no busy little eyes to
worry about. How does this work?
All right, Krako,
we don't have time to show you
how to play with toys.
Toys?
What do you think we're here for,
to get a cut of your deal?
Forget it. That's... peanuts
to an outfit like the Federation, right?
Unquestionably.
- Right?
- Right.
Now, look, Krako, we're taking over
the whole ball of wax.
And you cooperate with us,
and maybe we'll cut you in
for a piece of the action.
A minuscule...
A very small piece.
- How much is that?
- That's...
We'll figure it out later.
I thought you guys had laws.
No interference.
Who's interfering?
We're taking over.
- Check?
- Right.
The planet
is being taken over
by the Federation,
but we don't wanna come
in here and use our muscle.
You know what I mean?
That ain't subtle.
So, what we do is we...
We help one guy
take over the planet.
He pulls the strings,
and then we pull his.
Hey, you, sit down.
- What's your cut?
- What do you care,
as long as you're being cut in?
Of course, there's always
Bela Oxmyx.
All right, it's a deal.
Call your ship,
bring down your boys
and whatever else you need.
- Kirk to Enterprise.
- Enterprise. Scott here.
All right, Scotty,
we made a deal with Krako.
- We did, sir?
- Yeah, we're ready to make the hit.
We're taking over the whole
planet as soon as you get ready.
Do you think that's wise, sir?
Sure, we can trust Krako,
but we don't have any choice.
You know what I mean?
He's standing about 12 feet
in front of me,
all ready to be our pal.
Of course, Scotty,
I'd like to show him the ship,
just to show him that we're...
We're on the level,
but you know how it is.
Aye. I know, indeed.
Scotty, we'll need phasers
to equip every one of Krako's men.
We'll need advisors and troops
to back him up on the hit.
- You got all that, Scotty?
- Aye, captain.
Captain, we're preparing everything.
It'll be ready when you give the word.
You may begin, Mr. Scott.
Acknowledged, captain.
You mean you're gonna start
sending down your boys now?
Not exactly.
- Right?
- Check.
How..? How'd I get here?
What..? What happened?
You, you must be that
Scott fellow that Kirk was talking to.
I wanna know what happened!
It looks like we put the bag
on you, doesn't it?
- I got rights!
- You got nothing.
You mind your place, mister,
or you'll...
You'll be wearing concrete galoshes.
You mean cement overshoes?
Aye.
- Must we?
- It's faster than walking.
- But not as safe.
- Are you afraid of cars?
Not at all, captain.
It's your driving that alarms me.
Spock, I've got the hang
of it by now. Go on.
Oh, not again.
Hey, wake up. You all right?
Hey, you guys, come in here!
The Feds snatched Krako.
I never seen anything like it.
They're gonna move in
unless we stop them now.
Yeah? How?
Bela's mixed up in this somehow.
I got a sneaking hunch they're gonna
hightail it back to his territory.
And you know what we're gonna do?
We're gonna hit his place.
Where are they?
Knowing Krako, he'll probably
send them back on a blotter.
Wrong again, Oxmyx.
- Jim.
- Knock it off, Sawbones.
I wanna talk to this creep.
Now, listen, I'm getting tired
of playing patty cake with
you penny-ante operators.
What do you mean,
a penny-ante operator?
You're a penny-ante
operator. Sit down.
All right, Spocko, cover him.
Listen, sweetheart, the Federation's
moving in. We're taking over.
You play ball,
we'll cut you in for a piece.
If you don't, you're out. All the way out.
Do you know what I mean?
Yeah. Sure.
Why didn't you say so
in the first place?
All you had to do
was explain it to me.
Kirk to Enterprise.
Enterprise. Scott here, sir.
- You got Krako on ice?
- Aye, he's here.
Mad enough to chew neutronium,
but behaving himself.
Okay, baby, cool him until I flag you.
Flag me?
Keep him there until I send for him.
We're gonna make some old-style
phone calls from this locale,
so you locate the man
on the other end of the blower
- and give him a ride to his flop.
- What?
Find the man at the
other end of the phone,
and transport him
to these coordinates.
Can do, sweetheart?
Can do, captain.
- Standing by.
- Now, you.
Get on the blower
and call the other bosses.
I sure don't know what
you think you're talking about.
Get with it. I'm giving the orders here.
Hello. Hello?
- Scotty.
- Scott here.
- Guess who.
- Lock in and energize.
Yeah, you bet your life
I've got a lot of nerve.
What are you gonna do about it?
I'm coming over there with
a couple of my boys and we...
Mother...
- Hey, captain, that ain't bad.
- Yeah.
I would advise youse
to keep dialling, Oxmyx.
All right, you know what to do.
We hit Bela's place
and nobody comes out alive.
All right, let's go!
All right. All right.
All right! All right!
Now, the Federation's taking
over whether you like it or not.
You people, you've been running
this planet like a piecework factory.
From now on,
it's gonna be under one roof.
You're gonna run it like a...
Like a business.
And that means,
you're gonna make a profit.
Yeah. And what's your percentage?
I'm cutting the Federation in
for 40 percent.
- You got any objections?
- Yeah.
I hear a lot of talk,
but all I see here is you
and a couple of your boys.
I don't see no Federation.
Listen, they got a ship.
I know, I was there.
Wait a minute. Wait a minute.
- Tepo's got a point. All we see is them.
- Right.
What? Couple of your boys?
I'm not gonna believe my eyes...
Hang on a minute,
hang on a minute.
Quiet! Just a moment.
Let me say something.
I only saw three guys on that ship.
Maybe there ain't no more.
There are over 400 guys there.
That's your story, buster.
Hey, that's my boys,
they're making a hit on this place.
- My boys will put you down.
- Wanna bet?
Keep moving.
One move out of you two guys
and I'll drill him.
Give me the hardware.
Hey, that's great, Krako.
Now we got hostages again.
We can make a deal with the Feds.
Are you kidding?
This one's all mine.
From now on,
nobody's going no place.
I'm gonna be the big boss
in this here territory.
Now, wait a minute, wait a minute.
Get that heater down.
Don't you wanna take a look
at what you're gonna fight?
I already seen it.
You're nothing, Fed.
All right, but at least let me
call my ship one last time
- and say goodbye.
- Well, all right. Go ahead.
Don't get smart.
Hello, Scotty, this is Kirk.
Enterprise. Scott here, sir.
Scotty, put the ship's phasers
on stun.
Fire out bursts in a one-block
radius around these coordinates.
Right away, sir. Scott out.
Gee, that's some trick.
- Hey, did you see that?
- They're not dead,
just knocked out for a while.
But they might just as well have
been that way if we wanted them to.
Okay, okay, Kirk.
So we get the message.
Now, what was this syndicate deal
you were talking about?
He... He was talking
about a percentage.
- I was talking about both.
- Okay.
A syndicate makes sense to me.
I'm a peaceful man at heart,
but I'm sick and tired of all these hits.
I hit Krako. Krako hits Tepo.
Tepo hits me.
There's too many bosses.
We can't get anything done.
I was thinking, if there was just one,
maybe somebody like you
as the top boss,
then we can get things done.
Hey, Bela. No, no, no.
The Federation can't get connected
with a small-time operation like this.
No, I was thinking, Bela,
you would be the top boss.
Krako, you'd be his lieutenant.
I don't want any trouble
from the rest of you,
because you'll have to answer
to the Federation.
We'll be back every year
to collect our cut.
Hey, look, you figure
maybe 40 percent's enough?
Yeah, I think 40 percent's sufficient.
It's reasonable. It sounds reasonable.
That sound reasonable to you?
It's reasonable, Mr. Oxmyx.
Let's break out some
of your drinking stuff
and celebrate the syndicate.
Gentlemen, you two
have been brooding
- ever since we returned to the ship.
- Brooding, captain?
Brooding, Mr. Spock.
A sombre emotional state.
Now, do you wish to continue it
or are you going to discuss it?
Captain, I am neither
brooding nor sombre.
But I do have reservations
about your solution
to the problem of the lotians.
Yes. I understand that.
You don't think it's logical
to leave a criminal
organisation in charge.
Highly irregular,
to say the least, captain.
I'm also curious as to
how you propose to
explain to Starfleet Command
that a starship will be sent
each year to collect our cut.
Yes, that's a very good
question, Mr. Spock.
I propose that our cut
be put into the planetary treasury
and used to guide the lotians
into a more ethical system.
Despite themselves,
they'll be forced to accept
conventional responsibilities.
Isn't that logical?
All right, Bones, in the
language of the planet,
what's your beef?
Well, I don't know
how serious this is, Jim,
and I don't quite know
how to tell you.
Well, go ahead.
- But in all the confusion, l...
- Go ahead, tell me.
- I think I left it in Bela's office.
- You left it?
Somewhere. I'm not certain.
You're not certain of what?
- I left my communicator.
- In Bela's office?
Captain, if the lotians,
who are very bright
and imitative people,
- should take the communicator apart...
- They will.
They'll find out
how the transtator works.
The transtator is the basis for
every important piece of equipment
- that we have.
- Do you think it's that serious?
Serious? Serious, Bones?
It upsets the whole percentage.
How do you mean?
Well, in a few years, the lotians
may demand a piece of our action.