Stan Against Evil (2016–…): Season 3, Episode 8 - Stan Against Evie - full transcript

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Elderly Woman:
So, you're writing a book?

I didn't know they still wrote books.

Author: Willard's Mill. Yes.

The witch burnings
and the supposed curse.

[Chuckles]

Yes, "supposed."

And you were the...?



- Sheriff.
- Sheriff.

Sheriff of Willard's Mill
for a long, long time.

- Could you state your name?
- [Beeps]

Uh, my name is...

Evelyn Barret.

Can you tell me about

the Sheriff who preceded
you, Stan Miller?

Stan...

Stan was...

a very good man.

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Don't get me wrong...
he could drive you crazy,

but I trusted him with my life.

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And then, Stan changed...

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Into something different.

What do you mean, someone different?

I didn't say someone...

I said something.

[Insects chirping]

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[Roaring]

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[Rumbling]

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No! No, please!

Lord Haurus, please!

Please!

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Aah! Let me join you!

Please!

No, Lord Haurus!

Please!

[Screams]

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[Screaming]

[Cawing, screaming]

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[Screams]

[Roars]

[Screams]

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And this is what I found...

this morning.

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Huh.

Hachi machi.

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I think it's really him.

Oh, my God.

It's over?

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Is this... Is this all over?

And you didn't see anything?
How is that possible?

Because I don't live at the cemetery.

I know everybody thinks I'm this weirdo,

but I'm just a guy with a job.

Sorry. Sorry.

Actually, where were you
last night, just for the record?

I was on the roof of
the abandoned shopping mall.

Sheriff, have you ever seen a UFO?

I mean, a real one?

They only land if you're nude.

Oh, my for God's sake.
You know what? Could you...

Could I just... Can I... Please?

Mm-hmm.

Don't learn.

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- [Door opens, closes]
- Evie: Stan!

Stan!

Stan!

I am glad you are sitting down.

Is everything okay?

Couldn't be better.

Great. Okay. Are you ready?

Constable. Eccles.

Is. Dead.

[Laughs]

Dynamite.

Oh, I'm not kidding. I'm not kidding.

I-I-It's definitely him.

He was burned at the stake
at the old cemetery.

Everything.
And all the graves are empty.

♪

I guess we're in the clear, then.

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Wow. To... To... To be honest,

I guess I was expecting
kind of a bigger reaction.

I mean, I've seen you get
more excited over women's golf.

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[Breathes deeply]

Okay. Uh...

Well, I-I guess I just thought
you'd want to know

that we are...

free of the death curse

and that our lives just got
[Chuckling] a whole lot easier.

[Knuckles cracking]

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[Groans softly]

But, uh...

I guess I'll... I'll...

I'll just see you around.

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I'm not doing it.

[Door opens, closes]

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- [Cheerful music plays]
- [Man whistling]

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[Music ends]

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[Scoffs]

Stan?

What are you doing?

I don't know.

[Door creaks]

Aaaand there you go.

I made it home without a lick of help.

And I knew you would.

That's why I followed you, to prove it.

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So...

good job!

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[Groans softly]

Haurus: Your willpower is fading.

You can feel it.

We'll only get closer and closer...

and then it will be done.

Is that right?

You think I'm gonna kill Evie Barret?

You knew killing Eccles
came with a price.

Dad! Guess what...

Kevin has that whole section
of the old cemetery open now,

and I am going to convince him

to put in a miniature-golf course.

You're not even listening to me.
I don't even care.

I've said my piece, and now I'm leaving.

Whoo! [Chuckles]

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Why don't you kill me?

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If I make someone a king

and they bring me the head of a peasant,

should I be satisfied?

The peasant means nothing.

But if the king brings me
the head of his brother,

then his soul is destroyed,

and I am appeased.

Why's it got to be a king and a peasant?

Why... Why can't it be a
plumber and his pal Steve?

Why does everything got
to be so goddamn fruity?

Huh?

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Who's Steve?

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[Television turns on]

[Sighs]

[Golf club swings]

[Applause]

Announcer: You're watching women's golf

on the Women's Golf Channel,
your home for women's golf.

We'll be back with more women's golf

after this important word
about women's golf.

That reminds me of a funny
story about women's golf,

not that there's anything
funny about women's golf.

♪

- Evie!
- Yeah?

So much for Willard's
Mill staying quiet.

What happened?

There's an ethnic gang fight
at the laundromat.

Leon, you can't say that.

It's a bunch of Dutch ladies
handing out butter cookies.

You tell me what to call it.

You know what?

Why don't you knock off early
and go fold those whites?

I don't see whites... just laundry.

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[Engine starts]

[Seat belt clicks]

[Roars] [Gasping]

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[Breathing heavily]

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Duquette: If you're
looking for a way out,

you can stop looking.

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You tricked me.

You lied to me.

You think I ever... ever
would have agreed to this

if I knew it meant
I had to kill Evie Barret?

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Have you ever heard
of a deal with the devil

that worked out great?

I said, and I quote,

"Hell is for the alone and unconnected,"

and then you agreed
to become a part of it.

So everyone I love,
everyone I'm connected to...

Gets destroyed by you.

Haurus did that...

like that. [Snaps fingers]

And now you're a part of him.

And that doesn't work

if your soul is brimming
with love and happiness.

Of course not.

Of course not.

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'Cause that's everything he isn't.

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And that'd kill him.

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- That would kill him.
- [Whoosh]

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[Shovel scraping] Denise:
Just think about it, Kevin.

You go and you visit your loved ones,

and then... boom! [Chuckles]

You can play mini-golf.

[Chuckles]

Hey! No!

Hey, kids.

You dig up this woman every week!

This is the last time, I promise.

I'm sorry, dear.

[Smooches]

All right.

[Grunts]

Hey, Kev-o, you, uh...

you're my best friend, right?

Yeah?

Can I ask you a personal question?

Yeah.

What's your last name?

Cougar-Mellencamp.

No relation.

Good enough.

Hey, Kev-o...

look after her.

Or you look after him.

I don't know which one is worse.

So, I'll tell you what
you should look into

is an assisted-care facility...

let them do the heavy lifting.

Sweetheart.

Kev-o.

That's my mom.

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[Telephone rings]

- What?
- Evie: Please, Stan!

It's an emergency! I'm at my house!

- What?
- You have to help me!

[Clicks]

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Evie?

Don't move.

[Sighs]

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Get down there by the fireplace!

- Come on.
- Stan!

- Evie, you don't want to do this.
- Keep walking.

- Believe me, you d...
- Keep walking!

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Sit down.

- Cuff yourself to the grate.
- Oh, come on.

Cuff yourself to the grate.

It's anchored to the floor.

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Don't try anything.

[Sizzles] [Groaning]

Okay, I... I did have a fire
in there earlier.

I wasn't pla... It's... I'm sorry.

So just try not to brush up against it.

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Look, I don't like this
any more than you do,

but I need answers.

I... I thought we were
in the clear, Stan.

I mean, Eccles was dead.

Then, earlier today, that thing...

that "Judy" thing...

tried to kill me,

and I think you can tell me why.

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Why do you think that?

Because I ran the fingerprints

it left on my windshield...

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And they were yours.

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Judy's real name is "Haurus."

Haurus... helped me to kill Eccles,

and now Haurus...

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Haurus wants me to kill you.

Oh, Stan. I can't believe...

I don't know how much longer
I can hold Haurus off.

- [Sizzles]
- Ow! Son of a...

Sorry! I said don't brush up against it.

Would you please get me some ice?

Yes. All right.

- Would you please just get me some ice!
- I... All right! I am...

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You know, Stan, you
should've just told me.

I mean, we can figure this out.

- [Screams]
- [Roars]

Stan: No!

[Clattering]

Son of a bitch.

[Exhales sharply]

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[Sighs]

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[Sighs]

[Telephone rings]

Hello?!

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Yes.

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[Receiver clicks]

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[Panting]

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Evie, you know what they say...

good can't defeat evil

and that, if you want to defeat evil,

you got to go out
and find a bigger evil...

and let a little in.

Not sure I believe that, but, okay.

Only way we defeated Hitler was
by making a pact with Stalin.

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Just I'm clear, am I
Hitler or Stalin in this?

Look, the only reason
you're here to begin with...

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Is 'cause I beat the hell out
of a witch at a funeral

and got fired.

None of this was meant for you.

It was all meant for me.

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And I'm so sorry.

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But he's comin'...

and I can't fight him no more.

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He's comin'...

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And I'm gonna let him in.

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What are you talking about...
let it in? You can fight this!

No, I can't do it.

It's got to be you.

You got to take the shot for me.

Now, you can do this.

Take that.

You're only gonna have one shot...

so don't miss.

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And I will be right here with you.

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Wait. What happens if I miss?

- Well, don't miss.
- What if I do?

Oh, for the love of shit, Evie,

could you not make a thing
just this one goddamn time?

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Don't

miss.

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Okay.

[Wind rushing]

Stan?

What's happening?

♪

[Roars]

Oh, shit.

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Oh, shit.

[Roars]

You said you were gonna be here with me!

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[Roars]

Stan: [Echoing] I'm here... I'm here...

I'm here... I'm here... I'm here...

Take the shot... the shot...
the shot... the shot...

the shot... the shot...
the shot... the shot...

- Aah!
- [Roars]

- Now.
- [Rifle fires]

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[Roars]

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[Grunts]

[Breathing heavily]

[Insects chirping]

[Rifle thumps lightly]

No.

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No!

No! No!

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[Crying]

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Aaah.

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[Sobbing]

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Author: So you...?

Uh-huh.

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Sheriff Miller?

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I think I'd like to say goodnight now.

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That was it?

It was all over?

All over?

[Scoffs]

Young man...

that was just the beginning.

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