St. Elsewhere (1982–1988): Season 3, Episode 23 - Bang the Eardrum Slowly - full transcript

I'll take the paper and a Milky Way.

Nuts.

That's a good idea, make
it a Snickers instead.

Nuts, we are out of papers.

I'm afraid I got the last one.

Can I ask you a favour?

I took what was left of my health
spot when I bought this stock.

I came in the ground floor,
soared to eight, only I got greedy.

I should have taken the profit.
It's back down to two.

Why don't you take
the financial section?

Thanks.



My broker, Bruce,

says this drop is a good sign.

Some fracas going on in Africa.

Stock is established at the bottom,
and will go through the roof.

Wack mack, wack mack, here it is.

One and an eighth? Damn.

Oh, my God, no.

Your broker bought some wack mack
too?

My friend George Whiler
has been killed.

Machine gun when the government's
troops attacked his clinic.

Dr Craig, not just anyone
would give their laundry service
a tour of the hospital.

These are doctors Chin and Wang,
world renowned acupuncturists.

Here on a cultural exchange.

This is fantastic, East meets West
in the interests of all humankind.



It is my hope that we all benefit
by the knowledge that is shared.

Welcome.

They don't understand
a word of English, witling. Doctors.

Your mom made you cookies?

Mrs Huffnagel's ashes.

I don't blame you for
not sharing.

After I inhaled that last box.
How about just one?

Wayne, they are not cookies,
they're Mrs Huffnagel's remains.

What are you doing with them?

I feel obligated to carry
out her burial wishes.

Try and grasp the simple
concept that a doctor's obligation
ends when a patient dies.

You heard what Westphall said.

Mrs Huffnagel's file
was a record of medical abuse.

Because of our lack
of proper treatment, she died.

The residents didn't plot
against the old butt face.

You know it is no secret how
everybody felt about Mrs Huffnagel.

You know she is a person,
or she was.

She deserves a little respect.
It is the least we can do.

We have already done the least.

Please, no, listen, give it to me.

Look, I saw my dog's ashes,
it is no big deal.

Er, gross.

Here she is.
Looks about a litre and a half.

I thought there'd be more of her.

All those insults dry roasted

into hydrocarbon,
part of our future oil supply.

We don't amount to much
in the end do we?

I'm going to have
a memorial service.

For who?

Mrs Huffnagel. I'll go to the
chapel, say a prayer and bury her.

Why don't you
just flush her down the toilet?

Make sure you watch that
banister on the way down.

That chair, these boxes
go into the apartment.

Everything else into storage.

It is as good as done.

You know, >

I've been moving people for 22
years so I know how you're feeling.

I spent a lot of years in this
house. Raised my family here.

If you want to cry, go right ahead,
I am used to it.

That won't be necessary, thank you.

Moving out is tough but
moving in is even tougher.

Young couples are the worst.
Wife, she is so happy

to have the new house.
The husband,

he is a mess because he doesn't
know how he is going to pay for it.

Very stressful.

I tell you something,

next to groin pulls, depression
is our biggest health problem.

There's glass in that.

You should have paid
us an extra few bucks to pack a few.

You still be careful.

Don't worry. We do good work.

I don't let my boys get stoned.

How are you feeling?

I have answers
for so much bleeding of mine.

I am descended from Tsar Nicolas,
overthrown by Bolsheviks, 1970.

Maybe too I am a haemophiliac.

No, I told you the bone-marrow exam
helped confirm you have
a disease called ITP.

Immune thrombocytopenic purpura.

Maybe caused by haemophilia?
We don't know what caused it.

Don't know?

Impossible.

Russian doctors don't know.

American doctors, they know.

What I came to tell you is your
platelet count is almost normal.

How come? I don't know that either.

What is the problem with you?

It is likely you will make
a full recovery. I'm going
to have you released tomorrow.

Go home?

Sit in front of TV, watch
Bullwinkle and Natasha fight.

Rub so hard,
bleeding start again.

It's terrifying.
Here, not so terrifying.

You won't have any more trouble.

Why? I don't know.

How can you be sure
bleeding won't start again?

I can't be 100% positive.
ITP is unpredictable.

You don't know this, you don't know
that, how can I believe
you know anything?

I am scared of bleeding,
of haemophilia.

Want doctor who knows,

then maybe I go home.

Hi.

Hi. We didn't expect you in today.
How did the move go?

If you are in ever need of a
therapist, my moving man has great
insight into the human condition.

It is chilly up here.

And it is roasting in ER.
Maintenance has sent someone
down to the boiling room.

This is for you.
Mary called from paediatrics.

She can squeeze Thomas's
appointment in.

Oh great. We are going to spend
tonight in the new apartment.

Found a place already?

Just temporary
until I find some place to buy.

I've got one of those
lousy spring colds.

Why do you sneeze into your arm?

It's supposed to be more sanitary.

But you get stuck
with the cleaning bills.

Did you hear the news about Whiler?

Yes, he's dead.

Other people read the papers.

We may live a cloistered life
but that's no reason to neglect

the real world.

I read the weekly news mags,
Rolling Stone.

Who is the head man in China?

Wedgwood. The country.

You got me.

He was the head of Kampuchea.

I went to camp. They sent me home
for having poisoned ivy.

A sudden concerned
for current events.

Craig's showing Chinese doctors
around - good way to impress them.

Even got Dr Ye teaching me
some Chinese.

A little snappy repartee
never hurt anyone.

Acupuncture is a comer. I think
the Dave Clark Five said it best.

Needles And Pins.

Great man.

Dave Clark was a Beatle rip-off.
George Whiler.

Needles And Pins was the Searchers.

Maybe the world can't handle
that good a person.

Have you ever noticed the greater
the man, the crueller his death?

I want to die peacefully.

With your track record?
You're a shoo-in.

Annie, it is great for the sinuses.

We are not going to
the sauna together.

Why don't you let me smear
Deep Heat all over your chest?

Guaranteed it will
loosen up your passages.

OK, why don't we just
sit naked in my car...

Please, no! >

Jack.

I'm working on getting you
a new date to retake your remedial.

The state has dealt with hundreds
of fraudulent medical degrees.

Until they build a case against you,
we have some leeway.

Can we talk about what happened
at the first exam?

I failed.
What is to talk about?

I don't know much about medicine
but you are a second year resident.

You should have had
no trouble passing.

Are you not a good doctor?

Sometimes I am good.

Jack, I put myself
on the line for you.
You're lucky to get a second chance.

I'm sorry, I don't know what it is.
My caseload seems to be
heavier than usual.

I'm down, tired, not sleeping.

When I took the exam, it was like
reading a foreign language.

The harder I tried, the worse it got.

Any other pressures
outside the hospital?

I broke up with a girl
but that doesn't matter.

Jack, it seems like you have
a lot of emotion caught up inside.

When a relationship ends, it is
healthier to blame the other guy.

A little anger is not a bad thing.

Keep studying.

I thought you'd be more
disappointed in me.

I went before the Board of
Registration and Medicine
because you are valuable to us.

Just make me look like I know
what I am talking about.

I've been wanting to get rid of
that boiler for two years now.

He won't ever replace anything
unless it is older than he is.

I smell gas. Don't look at me.

It is probably the pilot light
out again. Where is your buddy?

He took a couple of days off.
Had to get his head together.

What is that supposed to mean?

Life has got him by the shorts.
He's re-evaluating his priorities.

Give me that.

Listen, five months ago,
doctors told me I had asbestosis.

I feel better today than I did
15 years ago. You want to know why?

Because you got to live life.

I go after what I want.

It runs in my family.

Did I tell you that my daughter
made the Law Review?

Congratulations.

I remember Deborah
and me in the kitchen

running multiplication tables.

I finally got the
world by the the tail.

The pilot is out.

I got my health back,

got a good job, great family,
what more could I ask for?

But it takes hard work,
that is the secret.

You tell it to Warren.

Ronnie.

Ronnie!

Help me.

There's been an accident.
The boiler exploded. Follow me.

Not you guys.

Helen, call a code, start an IV,
let's get him on the ECG monitor.

Excuse me, sir. Coming through.

MUTED, WHOOSHING SOUNDS

What happened?

I can't hear.

MELANCHOLIC OPERATIC MUSIC

Sorry.

INDISTINCT, MUTED SPEECH

The audiogram shows

hearing loss consistent
with ossicular discontinuity.

Luther.

My name is Dr Perry.

Let's have a look. OK.

Fine.

Are you going to operate?
Only way to get Luther's right
eardrum back in shape.

I'll see you at three.

When?

Right away.

OK.

SOMBRE ORGAN MUSIC

Hello, Luther.

INDISTINCT SPEECH

ELECTRIC BUZZING

Blade number 15, please.

I'll be making
a post-auricula incision.

Self-retaining retractor.

How will you reconstruct
the eardrum?

A graft from the temporalis muscle,
but that's the easy part.

OK. Surgical microscope.

And suction.

Tricky part is reconstructing what
the explosion knocked out of whack.

These middle ear bones
are the smallest in the human body.

(TV) 'As they reach the goal line,

'one of them pulled the deflated
ball from under his mini-blouse.

(BOTH) 'Touchdown!

'Now, wait, Mr Referee.

'Did that really count six points?

'Of course not, Rocky.
It counts as seven points.'

'With the referee
intimidated, the Manglers

'had it all their own way.'

'Incomplete, incomplete.

'The pass? The ball.

'We're close enough to
try a little field goal, Bullwinkle.

'Just kick it between the goalposts.

'Right, Rocky! Huh!

'The kick looked good until two
Manglers moved the goalposts.

'At this rate we'll never win.

'We'll be lucky to lose.

'But on the next play...

'Bullwinkle, look at this!

'Good heavens, Rock.
You've scalped him.

'Scalp nothing.
This is a wig.

'Bullwinkle,
they aren't girls at all.'

OK, son. Let's try to catch the ball.

All right. You got it?

It's all right, son.
Let's try it again.

We're getting to the final
step in this procedure.

We're almost there.

It looks promising.

MUFFLED VOICE NOW CLEAR VOICE

Do you think it will work?

(SOFTLY) I can hear.

Mrs Huffnagel slept here, huh?

Yeah.

Looks like my college dorm room
without the underwear on the floor.

"To Flo, my love Bobby Orr".

Mrs Huffnagel was a season
ticket holder to the Bruin Games.

So, who got her a box?

Ernest Ford IX.

There you go, Mrs Huffnagel.

If you ask me, Fuji was the real
star of the McHale's Navy.

Ted Williams gave her his best?!

Yeah.

You can have that if you want.

Really? Yeah.

Thanks!

So, what are you going
to do with all this stuff?

I don't know.

Sell it or give it away to charity.

I've never been executor
of a will before.

Well, there's some
great paraphernalia here.

You've got a stereo, computer...

The fish look OK.

The gerbils have had it though.

KNOCKING

I wonder who that could be.

I'm Alvin, Mrs Huffnagel's son.

That's my glove.
I was at the game.

Here.

SPEAKING IN MANDARIN

(TRANSLATOR) Chinese
medicine considers...

..a cycle of energy called "chi"...

..to be essential to health.

Chi flows through the human body...

..by means of meridians.

Acupuncturists work with several
hundred points along the meridians.

Insertion of needles along the
points helps adjust chi flow.

That's what I call giving
someone the old needle, huh!

Each meridian represents
an internal organ...

You've only showed up unexpectedly
at this hospital twice in 30 years.

Once to tell me you were pregnant
with Stephen and second because you
were in labour. What's this about?

Stephen. I got a telegram.

He's hurt? He's in jail?

He's been dropped
from his internship?

He's married.

You're kidding!

And you're gonna be a grandfather.

Mr Mallory.

Three days a week
the rest of my life.

Just like these guys.

Just marking time.

Pretty soon I'm gonna
look like them too, right?

Your blood pressure is down,
the UN's almost normal,

creatinine stabilised,
you're doing well.

Well, I feel crappy.

It doesn't exactly make for a great
holiday to come here, you know.

Do you have any idea what it means
to be away from your family, doctor?

Well, you know, all this can be
done at home if you prefer.

Are you nuts?!

These machines, these tubes, they'd
scare the hell out of my kids.

They are terrified of the blender.

Look, my wife has got this
friend who's got a bum kidney.

She went over to Boston General,
she had Dr Bruckner.

He did very well by her.

I want to start
going over there too.

Mr Mallory, we have counsellors who
you might be able to talk to.

They might help you adjust.

I don't want to adjust.

All my friends treat me differently.

I can't even make love
to my wife the same way.

I had to quit my job being a
salesman because I couldn't schedule

my trips around these treatments!
You're not doing anything for me.

You just waltz out of here and
leave me counting the ceiling tiles.

I'll have your file sent
over to Dr Bruckner right away.

(CHUCKLING)

You stole Mother's affections.

Look, Florence was sick

and I was just one of the doctors
who treated her.

We became close because of
a common loss - Murray Robin.

I've heard about people like you.

You're nice to old ladies.

You worm your way into
the apples of their eyes

and then they leave you everything.

Alvin, I had no idea that I was
part of the Huffnagel estate.

Old man Norton showed me the
videotape of my mother's will.

I used to be in movies. I know how
you can doctor those things up -

like putting in another voice. >

How could she not leave me anything?

Well, what kind of son are you?

I mean, you never came to
visit her at the hospital,

you were never around.

Shut up!

OK.

We...we didn't get along.

Well, that explains it, right?

She was a very lonely woman so
she rewarded the only person

in the world who cared,
Elliott Axelrod MD.

I could learn to use this.

(CHUCKLING) Computer programming.

Look, Alvin, erm...

take the computer. It's yours.

I grew up here.

I named those fish.

Took a long time.

Take the fish, they're yours too.

What about the hockey sticks?

You can have everything, OK?

What's the gimmick? >

No gimmick, really.

(CHUCKLING)

OK. So now I own
everything, including the rug!

Why not!

Then get out!

Let's go, Elliott.

Wait a minute.

That box. What's in it?

It's er...

It's your mother. I mean, her ashes.

I was gonna bury her
at sea tomorrow.

Would you like to come along?

No, I get seasick.

Well, would you like to say goodbye?

Bye, Mother.

You! We could be friends.

Well, er...

I just...

Bye, Alvin.

Right.

Yeah, yeah. Mm-hm? Yeah, right.

Not there. Where the hell can he be?

On his honeymoon?

Some floozy points a double barrelled
at his head and he whimpers, "I do".

KNOCKING

Mark. Hi, Ellen.

Oh, hi, Donald.

Donald, why not go to lunch
without me?

I came by to cancel. Tommy and I
are to the park for a picnic.

Have a good time.

Anything wrong?

Wrong? What could be wrong?

Stephen got married.

Wonderful!

Yeah!

Foolish kids. They eloped!

Came as helluva surprise,
he and his lovely bride, erm...

Yvonne.

Yvonne?

I didn't know Stephen was engaged.

Now that the cat is out of the bag,
we can all celebrate.

Congratulations.

See you later.

This is all your fault, Ellen.

You were the mother.

While I'm out working hard to bring
home the bacon you were supposed

to teach Stephen the difference
between a girl and a floozy. Yvonne?!

I don't care what you say, Mark.

If Stephen has found someone that
he loves, I'm very happy for him.

How could an only child
do this to his father?!

I suppose I should be
thankful it's a woman!

What about his recovery?

Excellent chances for a return
to good hearing in both ears.

You should have seen Dr Perry.
She's amazing!

How's Luther doing?

He's doing just fine.

You got a minute?

Usually means an hour!

No, No. This will be quick.

I'm concerned about the ITP patient.

Nose bleeds, bruises on the chest,
low platelet count...

I was going to keep him
for observation

but his platelet count's
back to normal.

That's a sudden recovery
for such a life-threatening bleed.

I tried to tell him that
ITP is unpredictable.

Wait the second. Somebody DC'd
the propanalol he'd been given.

Yeah, I did.

It wasn't managing his hypertension
so I gave him Clonadine.

And his platelet count increased.

What your patient is suffering from

is site of pain...
drug-induced.

It's a rare side-effect,

but by cutting his medication
you inadvertently cured him.

Didn't make the connection.

It's easy enough to miss.
It's a good drug

but there are certain adverse
reactions.

What are the
other possible side-effects?

Insomnia, depression, fatigue.

I've been using the same thing
for the migraines I've been having.

It's been affecting me.

Only you would mismanage
your own medication.

SPEAKING IN MANDARIN

LAUGHTER

That's funny!
Wait, I got one for you.

(SPEAKING IN MANDARIN)

Jordan Marsh - the store?

I couldn't get this word from her.
A bum, derriere? You know, bum?

Never mind,

it's not important. >

(HIGH-PITCHED)

Two...

Jordan Marsh, same place.

Bum again!

CHATTERING IN MANDARIN

LAUGHTER

TOY PLAYING # Pop Goes The Weasel

What you're saying is

that the doctors in this hospital

are treating cases at a cost greater
than what the DIG has allotted.

And it's a deficit
we're not recouping.

This is what I don't understand,
how come the hospital's showing a
profit in January and February?

I'm sorry I didn't have time
to mark the axis.

Let's do it. Let's quit for the day.

Oh, God.

KNOCKING

Yeah? What is it, Jack?

It's about my remedial.

A couple of months ago
I started taking Propanalol

for the migraines I've been having.
It helps but I've had side-effects.

What has that to do with your exam?

It might have affected
my performance.

I just wanted you to know.

I'll do better next time.

Poor Jack.

If he was the doctor he should be
he'd have checked the PDR

for possible side-effects
of that drug.

Sounds like you've given up on him?

Can we go now?

OK, sport.

Joan, I feel that I've tried
everything that I can

to help that young man, except
taking him by the hand on rounds.

I don't feel I can do
anything more for him.

Send them up right away, please.
Thanks. OK.

Rowley?

Rowley?

Luther, what are you doing here?

I don't know.

You haven't been out of surgery
long. You should be in bed.

Where's Rowley?

He died, Luther.
The explosion killed him.

Come on.
Let me walk you back to you room.

When the boiler exploded,
it was even, 50-50.

It could have been either one of us,
it should have been both of us.

Why Rowley?

You'll drive yourself crazy
thinking things like that.

He had a wife, he had kids,
his daughter.

He made the Law Review. He had it
all and no-one is depending on me.

Luther, there's
nothing wrong with being a survivor.

The fact is you should be dead

but if you believe things happen
for a reason...

Yeah. God is telling me to stop
being naughty.

KNOCKING

Hi!

Thought we'd drop
by, see the new digs.

Bless you. Come in.

We were feeling lonely.

It's not every day
your son gets married.

Donald, it's lovely!

Yes, if you like squalor.

It's temporary until I
find something I like.

And I like. Hi, Tommy!

Hey, Tommy. Oops... Sorry.

I'm sorry, Mark.

You don't have to apologise.

All right?

Remember?

Oops.

Come on, Son.

Catch.

BOUNCING

BOUNCING

Maybe next time.

Mark, let's open the champagne.

Right, to happy new
living arrangements.

You didn't have to go to the expense.

Nonsense! It was left over
from the case I bought for our
wedding anniversary.

Pop the cork, I'll get some glasses.

Mark. This is a very difficult
transition he's going through,
so be nice!

I've brought champagne for crying
out loud, how much nicer can I be?

Don't criticise the apartment.
He has to live here.

Well, he can afford better than
this. He makes a lot of money.

Not as much as a surgeon but...

Haven't really had a
chance to unpack yet but...

This one has toothpaste!

Shut up and pour.

I saved my favourite chair anyway.

I remember that.

The rest of it's in storage.

Here.

For you. Thank you.

OK, a toast.

To your son and new daughter-in-law.

No, no. To you, Donald -

a good man having some bad times,

and to friends like us,
who are here to see you through.

Amen. Thank you.

We're now past the three mile limit.

Take as much time as you want.

Mrs Huffnagel wanted me
to read something.

I wanted to get an appropriate...

I hope this is all right.

Fleet foot on the correi

Sage counsel in cumber,

Red hand in the foray,

How sound is thy slumber!

Like the dew on the mountain,

Like the foam on the river,

Like the bubble in the fountain,

Thou art gone - and for ever!

Goodbye, Mrs Huffnagel.