St. Elsewhere (1982–1988): Season 1, Episode 18 - Dog Day Hospital - full transcript

I HAD A REALLY GOOD
TIME. ME TOO, SHIRL.

- PREVIOUSLY ON ST. ELSEWHERE.
- YOU WANNA GO UP
TO BANK PARK,

INDULGE IN A LITTLE HEAVY
PETTING FOR THE LAST TIME?

I WASN'T TRYING TO STAB YOU IN THE
BACK. WE JUST HAPPENED TO HIT IT OFF.

WHENEVER I USED TO WORK WITH
WOMEN WHO HAD BREAST CANCER,

I ALWAYS USED TO SAY TO THEM,

"I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL."

I WAS WRONG. I DIDN'T.
OKAY, OKAY, OKAY.

TONIGHT ON ST. ELSEWHERE.

WE HAVE A WOMAN HERE WHO'S
AT LEAST EIGHT MONTHS PREGNANT.

SHE'S HOLDING OUR
SURGICAL TEAM AT GUNPOINT.



SMILE. WHEN I BREAK MY
HIP, I'M COMING TO ST. ELIGIUS.

I HAD A MASTECTOMY. THAT
DOESN'T MEAN HANDLE WITH CARE.

MRS. LONIKER SEEMS TO BE HAVING
SOME CRAVINGS. SHE WANTS A TACO.

YOU CAN'T FIND ME VERY
DESIRABLE. THAT'S NOT TRUE.

- IRA, I KNOW THERE'S A PROBLEM.
- I DON'T WANT ANY MORE BABIES!

YOU ARE LOONY TUNES AND YOU
ARE ALSO CRAZY IN YOUR "BANERO."

♪♪ [Ira Humming]

WHAT IS THIS? WHAT'S IT
LOOK LIKE? BREAKFAST IN BED.

OH, GREAT. YEAH.

EGGS BENEDICT,
TOASTED ENGLISH MUFFIN,

BUTTERED BEFORE THEY WENT INTO THE
BROILER, FRESH-SQUEEZED ORANGE JUICE.

AND LAST BUT NOT
LEAST, MARMALADE.

I REALLY OUTDID MYSELF,
DIDN'T I? YOU SURE DID.

I CAN'T EAT ALL THIS. YOUR
CHILDREN ARE OFF TO SCHOOL.



SO YOU AND I CAN HAVE A NICE
QUIET BREAKFAST TOGETHER.

CAREFUL, HONEY. MM-HMM.

HAVE A MUFFIN. I THINK
I'LL START WITH THE JUICE.

I'LL POUR. I CAN DO IT.

OH, IRA, YOU'RE SO SWEET TO ME.

IS THAT THE RIGHT TIME?
I HAVE TO GO TO WORK.

ARE YOU SURE YOU'RE READY
TO GO BACK TO WORK? YEAH.

IT'S JUST THE WAY DR. JAMISON SAID
IT WOULD BE AFTER THE MASTECTOMY,

JUST A LITTLE PAIN IN THE SHOULDER,
BUT APART FROM THAT I FEEL GREAT.

ANYWAY, THEY'RE
EXPECTING ME BACK TODAY.

HAVE SOME EGGS.
HONEY, I CAN'T. I'LL BE LATE.

AT LEAST A MUFFIN.
WITH MARMALADE.

I'M SORRY, DARLING. I CAN'T.

I'M SO SORRY I PUT YOU
TO ALL THAT TROUBLE.

DON'T BE SILLY. IT'S OKAY.

I JUST HATE TO BE LATE MY FIRST DAY
BACK AT WORK. IT'S SUCH A BAD EXAMPLE.

THAT'S OKAY.

I HAVE AN APPOINTMENT NEAR THE
HOSPITAL TODAY. YOU WANNA HAVE LUNCH?

IT'S SUCH A LONG TIME SINCE I
PUT THIS ON, I HOPE IT STILL FITS.

- WHAT DO YOU SAY, 1:00?
- UH-HUH.

[Sighs] I FEEL LIKE I
SPOILED YOUR SURPRISE.

THAT'S OKAY.

[Samuels] OF THE 13 REMAINING
PATIENTS WITH GALLSTONES,

11 ELECTED TO UNDERGO
A CHOLECYSTECTOMY,

MOST WITHIN A
YEAR OF DIAGNOSIS...

WITH NO SERIOUS
POST-OP COMPLICATIONS.

LET'S TALK FOR A
MINUTE... FINE. THAT'S FINE.

THANK YOU, DR. SAMUELS.

SINCE THIS RAN A LITTLE LONG, I THINK
WE OUGHTA WRAP THINGS UP QUICKLY.

I HAVE AN ANNOUNCEMENT. AS YOU
ALL KNOW, AT THIS POINT OF THE YEAR,

CERTAIN SURGICAL RESIDENTS HAVE
DEMONSTRATED OUTSTANDING ABILITY...

AND ARE NOW READY TO PERFORM
THEIR FIRST SOLO OPERATION.

SO I'VE ASSIGNED THE FOLLOWING
RESIDENTS: DR. BRUMMER,

DR. WADE AND DR. EHRLICH.

ALL RIGHT! CONGRATULATIONS.

DR. BRUMMER, YOU'LL BE DOING A
CHOLECYSTECTOMY ON THURSDAY.

DR. WADE, A HYDROCELECTOMY
ON THE FOURTH.

AND, DR. EHRLICH, YOU'LL BE DOING
A RIGHT INGUINAL HERNIORRHAPHY...

AT 10:30.

THIS MORNING, SIR?

IS THERE A PROBLEM FITTING
THAT INTO YOUR BUSY SCHEDULE?

NO, I, UH... NO.

FINE. OKAY, EVERYBODY, LET'S GO.

A HYDROCELECTOMY. I WAS KIND
OF HOPING FOR AN ABDOMINAL CASE.

WELL, YOU CAN'T HAVE
EVERYTHING, TOOTS.

I'LL BE ASSISTING YOU,
JACQUELINE. THAT'S GREAT, BEN.

ARE YOU ASSISTING ME TOO?

- OH, NO.
- SORRY ABOUT THAT. HE MADE THE CHOICES.

CAN'T HAVE EVERYTHING, TOOTS. WHY
DO I ALWAYS GET THE SHORT STRAW?

I'LL SEE YA. YOU'LL
DO GOOD, HUH? YEAH.

MY FIRST SOLO FLIGHT. I'M
EXCITED. ARE YOU EXCITED?

YES, BUT I'M TRYING TO MAINTAIN
MY PROFESSIONAL DECORUM.

MM-HMM.

YEE-HAW! [Laughs]

THE FACT THAT CRAIG IS GONNA BE LEANING
OVER MY SHOULDER DURING THIS OPERATION,

I WILL NOT LET IT AFFECT
MY PERFORMANCE.

YOU SHOULDN'T. EVER
SINCE I MOVED TO THIS COAST,

THAT MAN HAS BULLIED, INTIMIDATED,
SCARED THE SCRUBS OFF ME, BUT NOT TODAY.

THIS IS THE MOST
IMPORTANT DAY OF MY CAREER.

I'M NOT GONNA LET THAT
LITTLE DICTATOR RUIN IT.

GOOD FOR YOU. JACQUELINE?

I'M LYING THROUGH MY TEETH.

FISCUS. I'VE GOT A
LITTLE PRESENT FOR YOU.

WHAT'S THIS? THE KEYS
TO YOUR NEW APARTMENT.

HUH? I HAD YESTERDAY OFF.

I FOUND YOU THIS TERRIFIC LITTLE STUDIO.
HAD ALL YOUR JUNK MOVED IN THIS MORNING.

YOU'RE KIDDING.
1223 NIAGARA STREET.

ARE YOU SERIOUS? IT'S A
RECENTLY RENOVATED BROWNSTONE.

IT'S GOT EVERYTHING: PARQUET
FLOORS AND A FIREPLACE.

YOU'RE REALLY SERIOUS.
DELIRIOUS. SO LONG, CHARLIE.

I'VE GOT A PATIENT TO SEE.

READY TO GO? I JUST
FILLED THE GAS TANK.

SHIRLEY, SOMETHING'S
COME UP. YOU'RE ON CALL?

NO, I GOT A CALL. MY MOTHER.

MY GREAT-AUNT SIRCA IS IN AN
OLD FOLKS HOME OUT IN MALDEN.

I'VE BEEN MEANING
TO VISIT HER, BUT,

ANYWAYS, MY MOTHER
SAID I SHOULD GO SEE HER.

AND EVEN THOUGH IT'S MY FIRST DAY
OFF IN TWO WEEKS, I THINK I'D BETTER.

AUNT SIRCA'S PRETTY LONELY.
WAYNE, THAT'S VERY GENEROUS OF YOU.

WELL, DON'T LET IT GET AROUND.

AND I'M SORRY ABOUT
BREAKING OUR DATE.

WELL, I'LL GO WITH YOU.

SHIRLEY, YOU DON'T WANNA DO THAT. I
DON'T THINK IT'S GONNA BE MUCH FUN.

NO, REALLY, I'D LIKE TO
MEET ONE OF YOUR RELATIVES.

IT'LL GIVE ME AN IDEA WHY YOU
TURNED OUT THE WAY YOU DID.

HOW LONG'S IT BEEN SINCE
YOU'VE SEEN YOUR AUNT SIRCA?

OH, AT LEAST 20 YEARS.

I COULDN'T HAVE BEEN MORE THAN SEVEN
YEARS OLD WHEN SHE MOVED OUT TO MALDEN.

MY UNCLE FUTZO GOT A
JOB AT THE FOUNDRY. FUTZO?

FUTZO. I KINDA REMEMBER
HER AS BEING MY FAVORITE.

SHE WAS ALWAYS BRINGING ME
THINGS, LIKE TOYS, GOLDFISH, RUBBERS.

RUBBERS? IT SNOWED A
LOT IN WASHINGTON HEIGHTS.

OH.

[Clears Throat]

MR. McGRATH. UH-HUH.

I'M DR. EHRLICH. VICTOR EHRLICH.

I'M GONNA BE PERFORMING
SURGERY ON YOU THIS MORNING.

I'VE FAMILIARIZED MYSELF
WITH YOUR HERNIA. I

WANT YOU TO KNOW
EVERYTHING IS GONNA BE A-OKAY.

HOW DOES IT LOOK, LUCY? 98.8.

LET'S HAVE A LOOK AT
THAT, JUST TO BE SURE.

OKAY. 98.8.

FANTASTIC. BY THE WAY, ARE THERE
ANY QUESTIONS ABOUT THE OPERATION...

I CAN ANSWER FOR YOU BEFORE
YOU SIGN THIS CONSENT FORM?

DID DR. KOCHAR EXPLAIN TO YOU THAT
YOU'RE GONNA BE UNDER LOCAL ANESTHESIA?

YES. HE SAID I'LL BE ABLE TO
HEAR WHAT'S GOING ON AND TALK.

THAT'S 100% CORRECT.

UM, THAT KIND OF CONCERNED ME. I...
I DON'T WANT TO EMBARRASS MYSELF.

[Chuckles] LET ME ASSUAGE
YOUR FEARS, MR. McGRATH.

WE WON'T LET YOU REVEAL
ANY FAMILY SECRETS.

SPEAKING OF WHICH, WOULD YOU
LIKE ME TO BRIEF YOUR FAMILY?

- OH, I'M SINGLE.
- SO AM I.

MY WORK KEEPS ME PRETTY BUSY.

THAT'S MY EXCUSE TOO. I NOTICED ON
YOUR CHART YOU'RE AN ACCOUNTANT.

NOW IS THE TIME OF
YEAR I WISH I WAS MARRIED

SO I COULD GET ALL
THOSE GREAT DEDUCTIONS.

YES, RIGHT NOW IS WHEN
LIFE GETS PRETTY BUSY FOR ME,

WHAT WITH APRIL 15 BEING
ONE SHORT MONTH AWAY.

WELL, MR. McGRATH, LET'S
SEE WHAT WE CAN DO...

TO GET YOU BACK TO YOUR
CALCULATOR AS SOON AS POSSIBLE.

SOMEBODY WILL BE BY
BEFORE 10:00 TO SHAVE

YOU. YOU'LL GET YOUR
PRE-MEDICATION THEN TOO.

NICE GUY, HUH? MM-HMM.

EHRLICH, I KNOW THIS IS
YOUR FIRST SOLO, BUT...

WAIT, WAIT, WAIT. I KNOW WHAT I
DID. TOO MUCH BEDSIDE MANNER.

I THOUGHT YOU WERE GONNA TRY
TO SELL HIM SWAMPLAND, EHRLICH.

[Woman On P.A.] DR. COSTELLO
TO INTENSIVE CARE.

HELEN. HELLO, HUGH.

WELCOME BACK. THANK YOU.

PLACE HASN'T BEEN
THE SAME WITHOUT YOU.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN, NO FLASHERS,
NO HOOKERS IN THE HALLWAY?

RIGHT. SO YOU'RE DOING
OKAY? I FEEL FINE AND DANDY.

GOOD.

[Woman On P.A.] MRS.
PHILLIPS TO ADMITTING.

WHO REARRANGED THE SUPPLY
ROOM? WHY? WHAT'S THE MATTER?

NOTHING. I REACHED FOR A CHUX AND
THEY WEREN'T IN THEIR NORMAL PLACE.

TOOK ME A MINUTE TO
FIND THEM. THAT'S MY FAULT.

I WAS CLEANING OUT...
DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT, JUAN.

ALL RIGHT.

WHAT ARE YOU
STARING AT? I'M SORRY.

LYNN, I HAD A MASTECTOMY. THAT
DOESN'T MEAN HANDLE WITH CARE.

OKAY? I'M SORRY.

AND STOP BEING SORRY. IF I...

IF IT... WHAT SHE'S TRYING TO SAY
IS, IF THERE'S ANYTHING WE CAN DO...

I KNOW, BUT THERE ISN'T. SO LET'S
JUST GET ON WITH THE WORK, OKAY?

OKAY. GOOD FOR HER.

[McGrath] WHAT ARE
YOU, ANYWAY? INDIAN.

OH. WHICH RESERVATION?

HE'S READY.

EHRLICH, HOW DO YOU FEEL? GREAT.

THERE'S SOMETHING I GOTTA ASK YOU
BEFORE WE GET STARTED. WHAT'S THAT?

THIS IS MY OPERATION,
ISN'T IT? ABSOLUTELY.

I MEAN, NO OFFENSE INTENDED,
BUT PENDING ANY MAJOR PROBLEMS,

YOU'RE GONNA LET
ME RUN IT ON MY OWN.

I'M JUST HERE TO ASSIST. I WON'T SAY WORD
ONE, UNLESS IT'S ABSOLUTELY NECESSARY.

NO, SIR, I'D PREFER YOU DIDN'T
SAY WORD ONE UNLESS I ASK YOU TO.

WHATEVER YOU SAY, EHRLICH. I
GET TO PICK THE TUNES, RIGHT?

RIGHT. EVERYBODY READY?

RHONDA, A LITTLE
TRAVELING MUSIC, PLEASE.

♪♪ [Rock And Roll]

LOCAL ANESTHESIA ONE
PERCENT LIDOCAINE WITHOUT EPI.

♪♪ [Continues]

LADY, YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO BE
IN HERE. THIS IS THE O.R. CORRIDOR.

LADY, YOU CAN'T GO DOWN THERE.

I WAS WALKING DOWN THE STREET.

OH, YEAH, SURE. I
REMEMBER, HONEY.

BOSTON ISN'T ANY BIGGER THAN
THE MEMORY OF NED McGRATH.

GET ME TWO GELPI
RETRACTORS. ONE TO DR. CRAIG.

IF IT WAS ME, I'D
USE A WHEATLANDER.

DR. CRAIG, THIS IS MY OPERATION,
REMEMBER? WE'LL USE THE GELPIS.

[McGrath Moans] MMM,
HONEY, YOU WERE...

AT MOST 19, AND I
TOOK YOU FOR COFFEE.

AND I GOT YOUR NUMBER.
I HATE LOCAL ANESTHESIA.

WHEN WE WERE MAKING LOVE,
INSTEAD OF SCREAMING YOUR NAME,

I SCREAMED 555-4073.

I'LL BE HONEST. ANY
GIRL I EVER SLEPT WITH,

I REMEMBER HER PHONE
NUMBER, NOT HER NAME.

IS THAT TRUE? MM-HMM.

WHAT'S SHE DOING IN
HERE? I'LL HANDLE THIS.

GIVE ME THE METS. GET
OUT OF THE OPERATING ROOM.

STAY THERE. DON'T COME NEAR
ME. GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE!

TEST ME. 555-8988.
I'M WARNIN' YOU!

OPEN YOUR EYES, LADY.
THERE'S A SURGERY... STAY THERE!

UH-OH. 555-6601.

SHE HAD A GREAT 1040 FORM.

I DON'T BELIEVE THIS IS HAPPENING
TO ME. WHAT DO YOU WANT?

JUSTICE.

MAYBE WE SHOULD STOP, DR. CRAIG.

KEEP GOING, EHRLICH.

WE'VE GOT AN OPEN WOUND
AND A PROCEDURE IN PROGRESS.

ALL RIGHT. 555-8606
IS A NINE AND A HALF.

NOW, LADY. THE CLOSEST
THING I EVER HAD TO A 10.

WHY DON'T WE JUST STEP OUTSIDE.
I'VE FREED THE CORD STRUCTURES.

I WANT DR. FINAN. HE'S NOT HERE RIGHT
NOW. I'M DR. CRAIG, CHIEF OF SURGERY.

I'M NOT TALKIN' TO
YOU. I WANT DR. FINAN.

PLACE THE PENROSE DRAIN AROUND
THEM. YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND.

I WANT FINAN! PUT THE GUN DOWN.

WE CAN GO IN THE HALLWAY AND TALK
THE WHOLE THING OVER. STAY THERE!

DR. CRAIG, I DON'T
THINK THIS IS HELPING.

YOU'VE GOT A MAN ON
THE TABLE! GET TO WORK!

YOU'RE MAKING A
BIG MISTAKE, LADY.

MISTAKE? NAH. EVERYBODY
SCORES A REFUND...

WITH NED McGRATH, C.P.A.

ADDING VALIUM 10
MILLIGRAMS. OOOH.

IF I LIVE TO BE AS OLD AS THE PEOPLE
AROUND HERE, POISON MY STEWED PRUNES.

YOU'LL NEVER LIVE
TO BE THAT OLD.

[Woman On TV] FIRST
100 PEOPLE WHO CALL IN,

WE'RE GOING TO GIVE
YOU THIS BOTTLE OPENER.

SIRCA JINTERE?
[People On TV Chattering]

OH, THANKS.

SIRCA JINTERE?

AUNT SIRCA?

IT'S ME, WAYNE.

WAYNE. WAYNE
FISCUS. YOUR NEPHEW.

WAYNE!

OH, OF COURSE! OF COURSE!

[Chuckles] OH, MY!

YOU FEEL JUST LIKE
WHEN YOU WERE LITTLE.

WHY, YOU HAVEN'T
CHANGED AN INCH.

[Chuckles] AND WHO'S THIS?

OH, THIS IS MY FRIEND,
SHIRLEY DANIELS.

HELLO, MRS. JINTERE. HELLO.

OH, SO BEAUTIFUL.

WELL, SIT, SIT. OH.

WELL... [Chuckles]

OH, BUT I HAVE NOTHING TO OFFER
YOU. NOT EVEN A PIECE OF CHOCOLATE.

DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT. I'M
SORRY I HAVEN'T COME SOONER.

AT MY AGE, WHAT'S A
LITTLE MORE WAITING?

BUT YOU'RE BUSY, RIGHT?

YEAH. WHAT DO YOU DO?

I'M A DOCTOR. A DOCTOR!

OH, YES.

YES. AND ARE YOU A
DOCTOR TOO? I'M A NURSE.

A DOCTOR AND A NURSE.

OH, THAT'S CLEVER,
LIKE SALT AND PEPPER.

[Chuckles]

SO, WE THOUGHT WE'D GET YOU
OUT OF HERE, TAKE YOU TO LUNCH.

OH, GOOD. WONDERFUL.

TELL ME. HOW ARE YOUR
PARENTS? THEY'RE THE SAME.

YES? AND YOUR BROTHER DICK?

UM... I DON'T HAVE
A BROTHER DICK.

YOU DON'T? OH, MY MIND.

YOU'RE PROBABLY
THINKING OF MY COUSIN RICK.

YOU'RE RIGHT. YES, RICK.

HELLO, THERE.

OH, GET AWAY, ENNIS. GO AWAY.

HE'S MY BOYFRIEND. [Chuckles]

AUNT SIRCA, YOU
LITTLE VAMP, YOU.

OH, WELL. HE'S TOO OLD FOR ME.

[Laughing]

SO, WHEN ARE YOU
TWO GETTING MARRIED?

I WANT THIS HALLWAY
EMPTIED OUT RIGHT NOW.

YOU HEARD THE MAN. EVERYBODY,
OUT THE DOOR. EVERYBODY.

DID ANYBODY CALL
THE POLICE? I DID.

GOOD.

♪♪ [Rock And Roll Continues]

ARE YOU SURE YOU DON'T WANNA
STEP OUTSIDE AND TALK THIS OVER?

[Intercom Buzzes] I'M JUST
GONNA GET THE INTERCOM, OKAY?

[McGrath] I SURE WISH TED
WILLIAMS WOULD MOVE BACK NORTH.

YEAH, HELLO?

MARK? DONALD. WHAT'S
HAPPENING IN THERE?

WELL, DONALD, IT SEEMS WE'RE
DEALING WITH AN UNSATISFIED CUSTOMER.

- WHAT'S HER COMPLAINT?
- WE HAVEN'T BEEN ABLE
TO PINPOINT THAT YET.

SHE JUST KEEPS REPEATING
SHE WANTS TO SEE TIM FINAN.

PUT HER ON. HE
WANTS TO TALK TO YOU.

[McGrath] 555-9424. THAT WAS
TED WILLIAMS'S PHONE NUMBER...

BACK IN 1968. YEAH?

I'M DR. WESTPHALL, DIRECTOR
OF MEDICINE. WHAT'S YOUR NAME?

MRS. BARBARA
LONIKER. MRS. LONIKER,

WHATEVER YOUR PROBLEM IS, IT COULD BE
BEST SERVED IF YOU CAME OUT IN THE HALL.

NOT TILL I SEE FINAN.
I JUST WANT TO TALK.

I'M THROUGH WITH TALKIN'.

I'M GOING IN. I DON'T
THINK YOU SHOULD.

MRS. LONIKER.

DON'T LOOK AT ME LIKE I'M CRAZY, BECAUSE
I'VE GOT A LEGITIMATE GRIEVANCE HERE.

I'M GONNA OPEN THE HERNIA SAC
AND IDENTIFY THE BOWEL CONTENTS.

JUST TELL US WHAT
THE PROBLEM IS.

I WANT YOU TO GET THE DOCTOR WHO
DID THIS AND BRING HIM HERE. DID WHAT?

THIS! DR. FINAN
GOT YOU PREGNANT?

NO! MY HUSBAND GOT ME PREGNANT!

TEN YEARS. I NEVER SO MUCH
AS LOOKED AT ANOTHER GUY.

I WOULDN'T HAVE HAD
TIME, EVEN IF I'D WANTED TO!

WHAT DID DR. FINAN
DO? WHAT DID HE DO?

IT'S WHAT HE DIDN'T DO.

A YEAR AGO, HE WAS SUPPOSED
TO GIVE MY HUSBAND A VASECTOMY.

OBVIOUSLY HE DIDN'T
KNOW WHAT HE WAS DOIN'.

MRS. LONIKER, PLEASE,
PUT THE GUN DOWN.

I WANT YOU TO GO AND GET THAT BASTARD
AND BRING HIM BACK HERE WITH YOU.

I KNOW WE CAN STRAIGHTEN THIS OUT,
IF YOU'LL JUST FOLLOW ME TO MY OFFICE.

I'M GOIN' NOWHERE.

I WANT YOU TO GET THAT BASTARD AND BRING
HIM HERE RIGHT NOW AND NOBODY'LL GET HURT.

IT'S NOT GOING TO HELP AT ALL.
DISCUSSIONS ARE CLOSED, MISTER.

YOU BRING HIM TO
ME. YOU HEAR ME?

♪♪ [Continues]

- I HATE ROCK AND ROLL!
- WIPEOUT.

IT'S ALL RIGHT.

HAVE MEDICAL RECORDS PULL
EVERYTHING WE HAVE ON BARBARA LONIKER.

AND FIND DR. FINAN.

YOU NEED A HAND? NO.

YOUR HUSBAND'S HERE. OH.

HI.

GRAB YOUR COAT. GET YOUR HAT.
WE'RE GOING TO THE NO NAME AT 1:00.

I LOVE THAT PLACE. I CAN'T GO ALL THE WAY
DOWN TO THE PIER IN THE MIDDLE OF THE DAY.

OKAY. WE'LL GO TO THAT ITALIAN
PLACE WE WENT TO LAST TIME.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT I WAS THINKING THIS
MORNING WHEN WE MADE THESE ARRANGEMENTS.

- I'VE GOT SO MUCH TO DO.
- I'D BE HAPPY TO DO
SOME OF THAT FOR YOU.

THANKS, BUT I'M AFRAID THIS IS THE
KIND OF THING I HAVE TO DO MYSELF.

GO, SPEND SOME TIME
WITH YOUR HUSBAND, HELEN.

WE'RE AN OLD MARRIED COUPLE.

ONE BROKEN LUNCH DATE ISN'T
GOING TO KILL US, IS IT? NOPE.

I'LL SEE YOU AT HOME FOR DINNER
TONIGHT. OKAY. SEE YOU LATER.

OKAY, BYE.

[Nurse] MRS. LONIKER WAS
NEVER A PATIENT HERE.

- WHAT ABOUT THE FILE
ON HER HUSBAND?
- WE HAVEN'T FOUND IT YET.

BUT I GOT THEIR NUMBER FROM THE PHONE
BOOK. SOMEBODY'S TRYING TO REACH HIM?

- WHAT ABOUT DR. FINAN?
- ON VACATION IN MEXICO. CAN'T
BE REACHED UNTIL MAÑANA.

GREAT.

DR. WESTPHALL?
SERGEANT WATCHICOVICH.

WHAT'S THE PROBLEM?
WELL, SERGEANT,

WE HAVE A WOMAN HERE WHO'S
AT LEAST EIGHT MONTHS PREGNANT.

SHE'S HOLDING OUR
SURGICAL TEAM AT GUNPOINT.

ARE THERE ANY OTHER
WAYS OUT OF HERE?

ONLY THROUGH THE SCRUB ROOM.

AND WHAT DOES SHE WANT? SHE
SAYS SHE'S GONNA KILL THE DOCTOR...

NEIL. [Intercom Buzzes]

EXCUSE ME. YES?

DONALD, MRS. LONIKER SEEMS
TO BE HAVING SOME CRAVINGS.

SHE WANTS FOOD. A TACO.

[Neil] I'LL TAKE CARE
OF IT. ANYTHING ELSE?

NO. HOW'S EVERYBODY DOING?

FINE, FINE.

[Watchicovich] I THINK WE
CAN TAKE HER VERY EASILY.

WE'RE GONNA DO THIS MY WAY. WE'RE
TRYING TO GET HOLD OF HER HUSBAND.

I'M SORRY, BUT YOU'RE NOT IN CHARGE
HERE ANYMORE. I JUST WANT YOU TO WAIT.

I CAN'T DO THAT. LEGALLY,
YOU CAN'T MOVE A PATIENT...

IF I CONSIDER THAT
MOVE LIFE THREATENING.

SHE'S MY PATIENT AND IF YOU MOVE
HER BY FORCE, THAT IS LIFE THREATENING.

SHE'S NOT A PATIENT.

SHE IS NOW. ADMIT HER. STAT.

OKAY, UNDERSTAND THIS.

IF ANYTHING GOES WRONG, ANYBODY
GETS HURT, YOU'RE RESPONSIBLE.

DR. WESTPHALL, THIS IS MR. LONIKER.
HE'S THE WOMAN'S HUSBAND.

THEY SAID... THEY SAID MY
WIFE HAS A GUN AND HOSTAGES?

THAT'S RIGHT. MY GOD.

SHE'S DEMANDING TO SEE
DR. FINAN AND WE CAN'T FIND HIM.

I HAD A FEELIN' SOMETHIN'
MIGHT HAPPEN, BUT

I NEVER THOUGHT SHE'D
DO ANYTHING LIKE THIS.

MR. LONIKER, DO YOU THINK YOU
CAN TALK HER INTO COMING OUT?

I DON'T THINK SHE'LL LISTEN
TO ME. WE'VE BEEN FIGHTIN'.

THERE ARE INNOCENT
PEOPLE IN THERE, MR. LONIKER,

INCLUDING A PATIENT IN
THE MIDDLE OF AN OPERATION.

I STILL DON'T THINK SHE'LL LISTEN.
LET ME PUT IT TO YOU THIS WAY.

IF YOU CAN'T GET HER OUT,
THE POLICE ARE GONNA GO IN.

DID SHE HURT ANYBODY? NOT YET.

OKAY. GOOD. COME ON.

MRS. LONIKER? YOUR HUSBAND IS
HERE. HE WANTS TO TALK TO YOU.

I DON'T WANT MY
HUSBAND. I WANT FINAN.

WE'RE STILL TRYING TO
FIND HIM. IN THE MEANTIME...

WHAT'S YOUR NAME? BOB LONIKER.

BOB'S COMING IN. I
DON'T WANNA SEE HIM!

FOR PETE'S SAKE,
BARBARA, I'M COMIN' IN!

WHAT THE HELL ARE
YOU DOIN', BARBARA?

YOU KNOW DAMN
WELL WHAT I'M DOIN'.

SUTURE 3-0 NYLON. WE'LL SEND THIS
HERNIA RIGHT BACK INTO THE ABDOMEN.

THIS ISN'T GONNA HELP. YOU GOT COPS
OUT HERE READY TO BLOW YOUR BRAINS OUT.

I DON'T WANT ANY MORE BABIES!

IT'S A LITTLE LATE TO BE
WORRYIN' ABOUT THAT.

IT'S THAT BUM DOCTOR'S FAULT.
HE'S RESPONSIBLE. HE'S GOTTA PAY.

WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO WHEN
HE COMES? BLOW HIS BRAINS OUT?

THAT'S EXACTLY
WHAT I'M GONNA DO.

WHAT IF HE DON'T COME? YOU GONNA SHOOT
SOMEBODY ELSE? YOU GONNA SHOOT HIM?

MAYBE I WILL. HE'S
A DOCTOR, ISN'T HE?

WOULD YOU PLEASE NOT
MAKE HER ANY MORE EXCITED?

STAY OUT OF IT. KEEP WORKING.

BARBARA, KNOCK IT OFF,
WILL YA? TED LOVED FISHING...

AND HITTING A BASEBALL.

I LIVED FOR WOMEN AND
SLUGGING BIGGER GUYS.

NOBODY ASKED YOU TO COME
IN HERE. I DIDN'T WANNA SEE YOU.

OKAY, OKAY. THE COPS DON'T SHOOT
YOU DEAD, THEY'RE GONNA LOCK YOU UP.

FINE!

[Fiscus] WOULDN'T YOU RATHER TAKE A
NICE, QUIET BOAT RIDE ON THE CHARLES?

NAH. TOO BORING.
WELL, THEN WHAT ABOUT...

WAYNE, WE'VE BEEN THROUGH IT.
SHE WANTS TO SEE WHERE YOU WORK.

REALLY, IT'S VERY NICE.

IT REMINDS ME OF THE ROOSEVELT
HOSPITAL ON THE WEST SIDE.

ONLY THAT WAS NICER.
MOST HOSPITALS ARE.

YEAH. I TOOK WAYNE THERE ONCE...

WHEN HE FELL OUT OF A
TREE AND BROKE HIS LEG.

I BROKE MY LEG? MM-HMM.

YOU WERE JUST A BABY.
YOU WOULDN'T REMEMBER.

YOU JUST KEPT GOING HIGHER AND
HIGHER AND HIGHER, AND THEN SPLAT.

I BROKE MY LEG? WHICH ONE?

THE GOOD ONE. OH, HE
WAS IN A CAST FOR WEEKS.

FISCUS. WHAT ARE YOU
GUYS DOING IN HERE?

PETER WHITE, M.D., I'D LIKE
YOU TO MEET MY AUNT SIRCA.

HOW YOU DOING?
OH, YOU'RE ADORABLE.

JUST LIKE MY WOOLLY
ENGLISH SHEEPDOG.

THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

NOW, UH, SMILE.

TELL ME.

IS AN INCREDIBLE HUNK
LIKE YOU MARRIED?

WRONG QUESTION, AUNT SIRCA. OH.

MY WIFE AND I ARE
SEPARATED. NOT DIVORCED?

NO. OH, WELL, THERE'S HOPE THEN.

I LEFT MY HUSBAND ONCE.

HE WAS CHEATING ON
ME WITH AGNES NAZINSKI.

BUT I CAME BACK. WELL,
WHAT ELSE COULD I DO?

NOW DON'T YOU WORRY, HUNK.

EVERYTHING WILL BE ALL RIGHT.

AND IF IT ISN'T, WELL,
IN A HUNDRED YEARS,

YOU'LL JUST BE WORM MEAT.

UH, GOOD-BYE, PETER. AUNT
SIRCA, LET ME SHOW YOU THE WARD.

I'M GONNA TAKE A LOOK
INTO YOUR EYES NOW.

YOU SEE EVERYTHING
LIKE ACCIDENTS...

WELL, LOOK. WHAT IS THIS?

OH, UH, PHILLIP CHANDLER,
THIS IS MY AUNT SIRCA.

HELLO. HELLO THERE.
WHAT'S GOING ON HERE?

HER UNCLE PICKED HER UP AND
ACCIDENTALLY DROPPED HER ON HER HEAD.

OH. OH, WELL, MAY I?

SURE. DO HOLD THIS.

HELLO, MY BEAUTIFUL ONE.

I KNOW IT HURTS, DARLING.

BUT I'M GOING TO SING YOU A
LITTLE LULLABY THAT I USED TO SING...

TO MY NEPHEW WAYNE
HERE WHEN HE WAS HURTING.

♪ IN OLDEN DAYS, A GLIMPSE OF STOCKIN'
WAS LOOKED ON AS SOMETHING SHOCKIN' ♪

♪ NOW, HEAVEN KNOWS
ANYTHING GOES ♪

♪ GOOD WRITERS TOO WHO
ONCE USED BETTER WORDS ♪

♪ NOW ONLY USE
FOUR-LETTER WORDS ♪

♪ WRITING PROSE OH,
ANYTHING GOES ♪♪

THERE NOW. YOU FEEL BETTER?

I GOT EIGHT KIDS ALREADY. WE'LL
HAVE ONE MORE. WHAT'S THE BIG DEAL?

ALL MY LIFE, ALL I EVER BEEN
IS PREGNANT. OKAY, THEN.

SOON AS THIS ONE'S BORN,
WE'LL GET YOU FIXED. NO!

YOU PROMISED YOU WERE GONNA
GET YOURSELF FIXED. IT DIDN'T TAKE!

I CAN'T CONTROL
NATURE. IT'S NOT MY FAULT!

HOW DO THEY LET A DOCTOR
GO DOIN' AN OPERATION

WHEN HE DOESN'T
KNOW WHAT HE'S DOIN'?

NATURE WORKS IN
FUNNY WAYS, BARBARA.

I CAN'T LIVE WITH
NATURE BEIN' FUNNY.

AND I'M NOT GONNA LET FINAN GO
AROUND SCREWIN' UP OTHER PEOPLE!

LISTEN TO ME. WHEN YOU WERE WEARING YOUR
DIAPHRAGM, YOU STILL GOT PREGNANT WITH JAY.

YOU DIDN'T GO AFTER THE GUY WHO
MADE THE DIAPHRAGM. THAT'S DIFFERENT!

HOW IS IT DIFFERENT? YOU GOT AN
OPERATION. THAT'S SUPPOSED TO WORK.

WHEN YOU GET AN OPERATION, THE
DOCTOR TAKES YOUR APPENDIX OUT,

IT'S SUPPOSED TO BE OUT SO
IT DOESN'T ATTACK YOU AGAIN.

WE'VE BEEN AROUND THE CORNER
ON THIS THING FOR SIX MONTHS.

YOU'RE STARTIN' TO TICK ME OFF.

I HAD TO PUNCH OUT AT WORK TO
COME HERE AND STRAIGHTEN YOU OUT.

I'M FED UP! SO, TAKE A WALK.

I'M GOIN'. I'M
GETTIN' OUTTA HERE.

YOU'RE SPOILED, BARBARA.
YOU'RE SPOILED ROTTEN.

AND YOU ARE LOONY TUNES AND
YOU ARE ALSO CRAZY IN YOUR "BANERO"!

RUNNING 3-0 DEXON
FOR THE FASCIA.

DR. CRAIG? HUH?

RUNNING 3-0 DEXON
FOR THE FASCIA.

FORGET IT! I'VE HAD IT
WITH HER! ALL RIGHT, YUSEF.

JUST A SECOND. YOU
CAN'T LEAVE HER IN THERE.

SHE'S GONE OVER THE DEEP
END! WE'RE TAKING OVER.

JUST A SECOND! NOW, COME ON.

LET'S TALK. COME ON.

THE BOARD'S ALREADY GRUMBLING
ABOUT THE PROPOSED BUDGET.

I DON'T SEE HOW WE'RE GOING TO
CONVINCE THEM TO GIVE US ADDITIONAL FUNDS.

WE NEED MORE NURSES, DANIEL.

WE ARE AVERAGING ONE
NURSE FOR EVERY 12 BEDS.

AND THE NIGHT SHIFT IS WORSE.

IS THERE A COPY OF THOSE
STATISTICS? RIGHT HERE.

WE'VE GOTTA DO SOMETHING ABOUT
IT BEFORE WE'RE REACCREDITED.

THANKS. I'LL LOOK
'EM OVER TONIGHT.

HOW DOES IT FEEL TO BE BACK
AT FULL THROTTLE? WONDERFUL.

THE LAST FEW WEEKS, I WAS
REALLY CHOMPING AT THE BIT.

NO MATTER HOW ANXIOUS YOU ARE, YOU MUST
TAKE TIME TO ADJUST. EASE BACK INTO IT.

CAN'T AFFORD TO. TOO MUCH WAS
LEFT UNDONE WHILE I WAS GONE.

I'M SERIOUS. DON'T PUSH
YOURSELF. I'M CURED, DANIEL.

THEY GOT ALL THE CANCER.
THAT'S WHY I DID THIS.

THAT'S WHY I CHOSE TO HAVE A
MASTECTOMY OVER A LUMPECTOMY.

I COULDN'T SEE MYSELF
RUNNING DOWN FOR

RADIATION THERAPY
EVERY DAY FOR FIVE WEEKS...

OR TAKING OUT MORE
TIME FOR MORE SURGERY.

IT'S OVER AND DONE
WITH. I HOPE THAT'S TRUE.

I KNOW IT'S TRUE.

HAVE YOU BEEN BACK TO THE
BREAST CLINIC FOR ANY FOLLOW-UPS?

NO. THEY WANTED ME TO GO
FOR SOME COUNSELING SESSIONS.

I WENT TO ONE, BUT IT DIDN'T SEEM TO HELP.
I SEEM TO BE HANDLING THIS WELL MYSELF.

I SHOULD SAY YOU ARE.

WHEN I FIRST GOT SICK,

I DIDN'T LIKE THE IDEA OF PEOPLE
AROUND HERE KNOWING ABOUT IT.

I FELT THEY WOULD TRY
TO TREAT ME DIFFERENTLY...

KINDLY.

DANIEL, CAN I ASK
YOU SOMETHING? YEAH.

WOULD IT HELP IF I WENT BEFORE
THE BOARD TO ASK FOR MORE NURSES?

I DON'T KNOW. IT MIGHT.

I'D BE HAPPY TO, IF YOU THINK IT
WOULD HELP. I'LL SEE YOU LATER.

THAT'S REALLY GOOD SCOTCH,
DR. WESTPHALL. THANKS.

BOB, CAN YOU THINK OF
ANYONE... ANYONE AT ALL WHO

MIGHT BE ABLE TO TALK
SOME SENSE TO YOUR WIFE?

I MEAN, FAMILY, HER MOTHER?

YOU KIDDING?

WELL, WHAT ABOUT A
PRIEST, A FRIEND, ANYONE?

ONCE SHE GETS LIKE
THIS, FORGET IT. YOU...

SURE.

WELL, IT'S NOT JUST YOUR WIFE I'M
CONCERNED ABOUT. IT'S THAT BABY.

OH, YEAH. THE BABY.

HOW LONG YOU BEEN MARRIED?

TWELVE YEARS.

AND YOU HAVE EIGHT KIDS?

EIGHT KIDS, TWO MISCARRIAGES.
THAT'S 10. THIS ONE MAKES 11.

WHEN DID DR. FINAN
DO THE VASECTOMY?

HUH?

WHEN DID YOU HAVE THE VASECTOMY?

OH, THE VASECTOMY, IT DID...

TO TELL YOU THE
TRUTH, I NEVER HAD IT.

WHAT?

I COULDN'T GO THROUGH WITH IT.

AND YOU TOLD YOUR WIFE YOU DID.

SURE. SHE WAS SO INSISTENT, BUT WHEN
PUSH CAME TO SHOVE, I JUST COULDN'T DO IT.

BOB, SHE'S IN THAT OPERATING ROOM
SCARING THE HELL OUT OF PEOPLE...

BECAUSE SHE THINKS A DOCTOR
FOULED UP YOUR VASECTOMY.

I KNOW. I KNOW THAT. I
FEEL TERRIBLE ABOUT IT.

- YOU'RE GONNA HAVE
TO TELL HER THE TRUTH.
- I CAN'T! SHE'LL KILL ME.

BOB, YOU'RE GONNA
HAVE TO TELL HER.

[Sighs]

SMILE. [Chuckles]

OH. EVERYBODY'S SO NICE HERE.

WHEN I BREAK MY HIP,
I'M COMING TO ST. ELIGIUS.

[Pager Beeping]
WHAT'S THAT NOISE?

MY BEEPER. IT MEANS
HE'S GOT A CALL.

- OH. LET ME SEE IT.
- I'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

WAYNE TOLD US YOU AND YOUR
HUSBAND ESCAPED FROM LITHUANIA...

WHEN THE COMMUNISTS
OVERRAN THE COUNTRY.

ABOUT HOW YOU HAD TO
HIDE IN THE TRUNK OF A CAR.

MY DEAR ONES, WHAT
GOOD'S THE PAST, HUH?

WHY, I CAN'T EVEN REMEMBER MY
HUSBAND'S FACE. BUT WHO CARES?

I WAS HAPPY THEN
AND I'M HAPPY NOW.

OH, HERE COMES MY HANDSOME BOY.

YOU KNOW, I NEVER DID GET A
SNAPSHOT OF THE TWO OF YOU TOGETHER.

IN A MINUTE. SHIRLEY, CAN I SEE
YOU OVER BY THE CONDIMENTS?

SURE.

THERE'S SO MUCH FOR YOU
TO LEARN, DR. CAVANERO.

I DON'T SEE HOW YOU CAN HOLD IT
ALL IN THAT PRETTY HEAD OF YOURS.

WHAT'S THE MATTER? I JUST GOT
OFF THE PHONE WITH MY MOTHER.

SO? SHE JUST GOT OFF
THE PHONE WITH AUNT SIRCA.

WHEN DID AUNT SIRCA MAKE A CALL?

AUNT SIRCA'S WONDERING
WHY I NEVER SHOWED UP.

WAIT. I'M NOT FOLLOWING
THIS. THAT MAKES TWO OF US.

SO? SO, THAT WOMAN
IS NOT MY AUNT.

WHAT ARE YOU TALKING
ABOUT? SHE IS NOT MY AUNT.

YOU'RE KIDDING. THEN WHO IS SHE?

THAT'S A GOOD QUESTION.

NO, JIMMY. NO, I CANNOT GIVE
YOU A BREAK. [Door Opens, Closes]

BECAUSE A BREAK TO
YOU ISN'T 10 OR 15 MINUTES.

NO. NOW LISTEN TO ME, JIMMY.

UNLESS YOU ARE BACK IN THIS HOUSE
BY 8:00, THERE'LL BE HELL TO PAY, GOT IT?

RIGHT. HAVE A GOOD TIME.

BYE-BYE. WELL.

HI. HE'S DINING OUT
WITH FRIENDS TONIGHT.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING
HOME SO EARLY?

I WAS INVESTIGATING
SOME CLAIMS IN MEDFORD,

AND I DIDN'T WANNA FIGHT
THE TRAFFIC BACK INTO THE CITY.

SO, I STOPPED OFF ON THE WAY
HOME AND BOUGHT YOU A PRESENT.

OPEN IT.

[Gasps] OH, IT'S BEAUTIFUL.

THEY HAD A GORGEOUS ONE
IN BEIGE... NO, THIS IS LOVELY.

WELL, PUT IT ON.

I WILL.

NO, PUT IT ON NOW. LATER.

I'M SORRY. I DIDN'T
MEAN TO HURT YOU.

YOU DIDN'T. IT'S JUST A REFLEX.

DON'T I GET A THANK-YOU KISS?

THAT WASN'T SO BAD NOW,
WAS IT? WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

IRA, IT'S THE MIDDLE
OF THE AFTERNOON.

WHAT'S THAT GOT TO
DO WITH IT? IRA, DON'T.

WHAT'S THE MATTER? THE
KIDS MIGHT COME HOME.

IT'S NOT THE KIDS,
IT'S NOT THE HOUR.

IT'S THE MASTECTOMY, AND I DON'T
CARE ABOUT YOUR OPERATION. DON'T YOU?

NO!

YOU WANT TO SEE IT? DO YOU?

YES.

NO, YOU DON'T.

[Fiscus] HOW COULD YOU?

I MEAN, IMPERSONATING AN AUNT.
THERE'S GOTTA BE SOME LAW AGAINST THAT.

DON'T WORK YOURSELF
INTO A SWEAT.

YOU'LL CATCH A
GERM AND KEEL OVER.

LOOK, YOU'RE A NICE OLD LADY,
BUT YOU ARE DRIVING ME CRAZY.

WAYNE, THERE HAD TO BE A
GOOD REASON WHY SHE DID IT.

ARE YOU ALL ALONE IN
THE WORLD? NO FAMILY?

I WISH. I GOT TONS OF
FAMILY FROM HERE TO VILNA.

THEN WHY?

WELL, WHEN YOU CAME
INTO THE ROOM TOGETHER,

YOU LOOKED ADORABLE.

SO, WHAT'S THE WEDDING DATE? THAT'S IT. UP
AND OUT. WE'RE TAKING YOU BACK TO MALDEN.

DON'T BOTHER. I'LL TAKE A BUS.

I'M ANGRY, BUT NOT
ENOUGH TO LET A

73-YEAR-OLD IMPOSTOR
SCHLEP HOME TO THE HOME.

WE'RE GONNA GIVE
YOU A RIDE. FORGET IT.

BESIDES, I DIDN'T LIKE THE WAY
YOU DROVE COMING OVER HERE.

THIS IS AMAZING. I CAN
TELL WHEN I'M NOT WANTED.

BUT I DON'T REGRET MY
LITTLE CHARADE AT ALL.

I HAD FUN. AND I GOT
SOME GREAT PICTURES.

NOW ONE MORE, THE TWO OF YOU.

THIS IS ABSOLUTELY
AMAZING. WE'D LOVE TO.

SMILE.

SAY ONOMATOPOEIA. ONOMATOPOEIA.

I'LL SAY HELLO TO YOUR
AUNT SIRCA FOR YOU.

BUT TO TELL THE TRUTH,
SHE NEVER LIKED YOU.

I'M GLAD MY UNCLE FUTZO ISN'T
ALIVE. THIS WOULD'VE KILLED HIM.

WAYNE, RELAX. I KNOW,
BUT IT'S JUST NOT FAIR.

I FINALLY GET A SOLID DAY OFF,
WE PLAN TO SPEND IT TOGETHER,

AND WE END UP HERE AT ST. ELIGIUS
TAKING CARE OF SOME FIRST-RATE CRACKPOT.

AND WE'RE NOT EVEN
BEING PAID FOR IT.

WE STILL HAVE FIVE HOURS
LEFT. LET'S GET OUT OF HERE.

I SCREWED UP OUR DAY. IT'S UP TO
YOU TO SCREW UP OUR EVENING. OH.

WE COULD GO TO MY
NEW PLACE, BUT I DON'T

THINK YOU'D ENJOY SITTING
ON AN ORANGE CRATE.

WHAT DO YOU SAY WE HEAD OVER TO MY
HOUSE, LIE BACK AND CATCH THE 4:30 MOVIE?

BUT YOU DON'T OWN A TV. MM-HMM.

WHAT DO YOU WANT?

DR. FINAN IS IN MEXICO, SWEETHEART.
THEY CAN'T REACH HIM FOR A WEEK.

SO?

YOU GONNA STAY HERE ALL
WEEK? A YEAR, IF I HAVE TO.

BOB.

LISTEN, SWEETHEART.

IT'S NOT FINAN'S FAULT.
OH, THAT'S A GOOD ONE.

I NEVER GOT THE DAMN VASECTOMY.

[Ehrlich] OH, BOY. WHAT?

- I NEVER GOT IT!
- YOU'RE GONNA GET IT.

DON'T, BARBARA.
YOU'RE GONNA GET IT!

PLEASE, BARBARA, DON'T.
YOU SNIVELING COWARD.

YOU PATHETIC LOWLIFE!

- MARK, COME ON.
- NO, NO, NO! DO YOU KNOW
WHAT HE'S PUT HER THROUGH?

HE CLAIMS AFOUL ON DR. FINAN, AND THEN
HE PUTS THIS WHOLE OPERATION IN JEOPARDY!

YOU'VE GOT A HELL OF
A NERVE, BUDDY BOY!

YOU'RE GONNA GET IT!
YOU'RE GONNA GET IT!

IF A VASECTOMY IS WHAT
YOU WANT, MRS. LONIKER,

A VASECTOMY IS
WHAT HE'S GONNA GET!

YOU GOT ANY PROBLEMS
WITH THAT, LONIKER?

YOU BETTER DO IT RIGHT.

LADY, THAT'S THE
ONLY WAY I DO IT!

RHONDA, PREP O.R. 2, STAT.

DR. CRAIG, WHAT ABOUT THE
DRESSING? FINISH IT, EHRLICH!

YOU'RE GONNA GET IT!
YOU'RE GONNA GET IT!

I MET SAMANTHA EGGAR ONCE,

NEAR SIXTH AVENUE AND 16th
STREET ON A NUMBER THREE BUS.

SO, YOU SAID YOU'RE A NURSE?

UH-HUH.

WANT SOME? NO, THANKS.

YOU WAITING FOR SOMEONE?

NIGHTS LIKE THIS DRIVE ME CRAZY.

BELIEVE IT OR NOT, I LIKE IT BETTER
WHEN THE BAR IS THREE DEEP...

AND THE WAITRESSES YELL IN
FOR DRINKS FROM THE TABLES.

I KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN. IT'S
THE SAME AT THE HOSPITAL.

OH, YEAH? WHICH ONE?

ST. ELIGIUS. OH.

THANK YOU VERY MUCH. I'M SORRY.

IT'S JUST THAT I HAVE HEARD THINGS
CAN GET PRETTY ROUGH AROUND THERE.

YEAH, IT CAN.

IT'S FUNNY. WHAT?

YOU DON'T STRIKE ME AS THE KIND OF
PERSON WHO WOULD WANNA DEAL WITH ALL THAT.

YOU SEEM, KIND OF... I
DON'T KNOW... KIND OF SAD.

OH. THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

I'M SORRY. THERE I GO STICKING
THE OLD FOOT IN THE MOUTH AGAIN.

I MEAN, LOOK AT YOU.

YOU'RE REALLY DOING SOMETHING WITH
YOUR LIFE. YOU'RE HELPING PEOPLE GET WELL.

AND THEN THERE'S ME.

COLLEGE GRADUATE, EMERSON, '82, AND
WHAT HAVE I DONE FOR THE PAST 10 MONTHS?

I SPENT THE WINTER SKIING
IN STRATTON, VERMONT.

THEN I CAME BACK TO BOSTON AND
GOT A JOB HERE AT BULLFEATHERS.

WHAT IS IT YOU WANT TO DO?

I DON'T KNOW.
THAT'S THE PROBLEM.

WHAT'S YOUR NAME?

I'M SCOTT. HI, SCOTT. I'M HELEN.

HI, HELEN. HOW 'BOUT ANOTHER?

NO, NO.

COME ON. IT'S ON THE HOUSE.

NO. I SHOULD BE GETTING HOME.

HEY, WHY DON'T YOU STICK AROUND.

I GET OFF IN 15 MINUTES. MAYBE WE
COULD GRAB A BITE TO EAT OR SOMETHING.

OKAY.

[Tires Skidding,
Car Crashing On TV]

WHAT'S THAT? GOOD
EVENING, SLEEPING BEAUTY.

WAS I OUT LONG? I JUST GOT HERE.

[Sighs]

SLEEPING ONLY MADE THINGS WORSE.
I FEEL MORE TIRED NOW THAN BEFORE.

SO, HOW'D THE FIRST SURGERY
GO? PRETTY ROUTINE, HUH?

DIDN'T YOU HEAR?

NO. DON'T TELL ME. YOU FROZE.

FROZE? I HAD A PSYCHOTIC PREGNANT WOMAN
WITH A GUN STANDING OVER ME THE WHOLE TIME.

RIGHT, EHRLICH, SURE.

I'M SERIOUS! GO
BACK TO DREAMLAND.

YEAH, MAYBE I DID DREAM IT ALL.

- MAYBE YOU SHOULD GO HOME.
- [Sighs] YEAH.

[Sighs]

HOW 'BOUT DINNER
TONIGHT? I WISH I COULD.

YOU WANNA DRIVE OUT TO
BEDFORD FOR THIS WEEKEND?

SORRY. I NEVER LIKED BEDFORD.

NEVER WENT FOR THE TOWN.

UM... IS THERE
SOMETHING YOU WANT?

NOT PARTICULARLY. RIGHT.

UM, THEN... RIGHT.
NIGHT, ALL. YEAH.

HI, MARK. HOW WAS
YOUR AFTERNOON?

MMM.

I FINALLY GOT MR. LONIKER'S
BRAKES REALIGNED.

HOW'D HE TAKE IT? LIKE YOUR
AVERAGE PATHETIC SNIVELER.

I'M GLAD TO HEAR WE'RE PRESSING
CHARGES ON MRS. LONIKER.

THAT WOMAN'S A MADMAN. I JUST WISH WE
COULD FIND SOME CHARGE TO HANG ON HIM.

DO YOU THINK SHE WAS REALLY
AIMING AT THE STEREO? I THINK SO.

WITH THAT STUPID MUSIC EHRLICH
HAD ON, WHO COULD BLAME HER?

HE DID A GOOD JOB
TODAY, EHRLICH.

YEAH. HE SEEMED TO
HANDLE HIMSELF VERY WELL.

HE REALLY MEASURED
UP TO THE SITUATION.

I'M TOUGH ON HIM,
DAY IN, DAY OUT.

AND GOD KNOWS EVERYTHING
ABOUT HIM GRATES LIKE SANDPAPER...

THE HAIR, THE
CLOTHES, THE LINGO...

BUT HE REALLY CAME
THROUGH TODAY.

I THINK I'LL KEEP ON
CRACKING THE WHIP.

[Moans]

[Grunts] THIS THING'S
NOT WORKING! AGAIN?

I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOUR
FEELINGS ARE ON EUTHANASIA,

BUT I THINK IT'S ABOUT TIME WE
PULLED THE PLUG ON THIS SUCKER.

HELLO, IRA. HI.

YOU GOT A MOMENT, HELEN? YEAH.

MR. PARKS NEEDS TO BE TURNED
IN FIVE MINUTES. ALL RIGHT.

SO, YOU'RE SAFE.

I'M FINE.

I TOLD THE KIDS THERE WAS AN
EMERGENCY DOWN HERE LAST NIGHT.

I WENT TO A MOVIE AND HAD
A COUPLE OF DRINKS IN A BAR.

THEN I HAD A COUPLE MORE
IN SOMEONE'S APARTMENT...

I REALLY DON'T WANNA
HEAR ABOUT IT. IT'S

ALL RIGHT. I JUST DON'T
WANNA HEAR ABOUT IT.

I SLEPT HERE IN
THE ON-CALL ROOM.

[Sighs]

I DON'T KNOW.

I JUST... I'M NOT VERY
SURE OF MYSELF.

I KNOW YOU CAN'T FIND
ME VERY DESIRABLE.

THAT'S NOT TRUE... IRA, PLEASE
DON'T SAY ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.

NOTHING YOU CAN SAY CAN
HELP. I KNOW THERE'S A PROBLEM.

GOOD. THAT'S HALF THE BATTLE.

IT'S GONNA TAKE TIME.

I'M GONNA NEED A LOT
OF LEEWAY FROM YOU, IRA.

AND MORE PATIENCE AND
MORE UNDERSTANDING.

WHATEVER YOU WANT.

[Opens Folder]

I'LL SEE YOU AROUND 8:00. OKAY.

LUCY, I'LL TAKE
CARE OF MR. PARKS.

[Mews]