Série rose (1986–1990): Season 3, Episode 2 - La grève de l'amour - full transcript
LOVESTRUCK
In those days, just a few
centuries before our era,
love was still
inspired by the gods.
Homage was rendered to Aphrodite, goddess
of love, as often as could be arranged.
Only Ares, the god of war, would
sometimes surpass the goddess.
Oh, look at the handsome warrior.
What legs...!
What muscles...!
Leave me, Lysistrata.
My servants are waiting for me.
How many Spartans do you
intend to kill, my fair soldier?
Wouldn't you like some other kind of fight?
Less bloody... and more fun?
I feel that you're ready to attack.
Are you coward?
Would you dare back off?
Unless you prefer the minions
of the Athenian army?
Of course not!
I... but...
Oh come on! Let me
get your weapon ready...
No, wait...
No, I...
Eh... Psst...
Oh, you're as beautiful as Aphrodite!
My sword!
- To hell with wars and soldiers!
- But I...
But I'm a man, I have my
duties towards the city!
I bring them my contribution
by fighting for it.
Oh, you mean that we women,
we don't give anything to the city?
Oh! Well! We give our men, we...
We give our sons, to go and die
on your hateful battlefield!
It's our cattle that your ruining,
your stupid useless wars!
Look at him, the baying
man, the braggart!
But I warn you Meton, one
day the women shall revolt!
It's a lucky thing, our bowmen
are better shots than you are!
Beware of your anger, Meton!
Fear the day when women
will be able to do without men!
Oh, and you will try to get
help from Lesbos, I suppose?
Or perhaps you intend to use one
of those leather things they call dildos?
My love is always a thief...
Wait, what? You too?
But what's bothering you?
This tunic! This armour!
But we declared war against Sparta.
So husbands are not enough! Lovers
must also go and vote on a battlefield?
But... I can't back off, Lysistrata!
But Lysistrata, ah, sweetheart...
Don't "sweetheart" me, go
join the other braggarts!
But... But...
But I love you!
Oh! Take a good look
at this body, Euripides,
for this is the last
time you'll see it!
Oh, I love your dress, so pretty...
- Hello...
- Hello. How nice.
I'm sorry Lysistrata, but I have so many
things to do, is it really so important?
What's it all about?
Sisters, it's about the
salvation of Greece.
- Oh, really?
- Yes.
Because the salvation can
only come from the women.
Perhaps you're right.
But do we act sensibly?
Yes, it's common knowledge
that we only think of dressing
and making ourselves up so
as to better catch the men.
But that's the point.
Who are you to fool around with
if our men are constantly at war?
I hadn't thought of that.
Hello my darlings!
Oh look, here comes the girl from Sparta.
What elegance, what a
wonderful tunic. Let's see.
Oh, lovely!
- What beautiful cloth!
- Stop it, you're making me feel giddy.
So, you all agree you want
to get this war over with?
Well then, if we want our men
to make peace with each other,
we must ourselves renounce.
Renounce what? Say it.
I don't know if you have the courage...
Come on, don't make us wait.
It will be hard.
- We're strong.
Well kittens, you will have to renounce
that which delights your nights.
What? You mean that?
You heard me very well.
Say goodbye to the joys of love.
Oh no, I could never do that.
No, I can't. Too bad. Let the war go on.
They're right Lysistrata.
Can you imagine how sad our
beds if Aphrodite deserted them?
I pity you women, and can't you forget for
one minute the fire inside that burns you?
Well, what if they force themselves on us?
Do you think they would have
pleasure if we weren't consenting?
And what if I felt something
in spite of myself?
Then you would have to hide it.
Find some way.
You mean that I could
stay faithful to our oath
and still get a few
kicks out of it?
As of tomorrow, we'll settle
on the outskirts of their camp,
so as to better tantalize them.
But, that's not all girls,
we must now all swear.
- What are we going to swear on?
- What?
Well girls, I've thought of everything...
Here he comes. Here he is, he's coming.
Oh! Alright! Go hide!
But you stay and watch, just in case.
- In case...?
- Do as I say!
Oh, my love! My sweetie, my
beautiful! How I missed you!
No whores or young boys in your army?
Oh, but you know what I want!
I can't stand it anymore, Lysistrata!
Each night under the tent
you haunt my dreams...
I can see... your breasts...
Oh, and your ass... Oh!
Well keep on dreaming
my dear husband.
- What do you mean?
- You heard me very well.
I will only be yours when you
put down your weapons for ever.
Here's what you're missing, my dear
husband. And that! And that as well!
I'll take you whether you like it or not!
What's she doing here?
- She's here to protect my virtue.
And to help me keep my oath.
It was high time.
Oh god!
It is so hard to remain virtuous!
I don't feel like living anymore.
My life isn't worth it.
Yes. Even Tantalus was
better off than we are now.
This conspiracy is wrecking my
nerves, and burning my genitals!
What is wrong with them?
The oracle I went to see
explained it to me.
I don't know, he said it's an, an
affliction of the womb, hysteria.
I don't understand it very well,
but I'll pay anyone to cure it.
Otherwise I'll be needing a doctor.
And what's the remedy?
Alas, there's only one: pregnancy.
Great. But in order to
get our wives pregnant,
we ought to be able
to approach them.
What kind of cure is that, which you
can only administer to a cured patient?
I can't help thinking...
of my wife's body...
The softness of her breasts...
The pearliness of her little shell bones...
Stop, Xanthius! Stop
hurting yourself, stop it!
That's right, Xanthius,
you're not doing us any good.
Can you believe that even
my mistress is shunning me?
- Your mistress?
- You don't know her.
But... she's the best of lovers, and
the most valiant at giving pleasure.
That's impossible!
No woman is more voluptuous...
than my... Lysistrata.
Yoo-hoo, long live the strike!
Gee, boys, why are you
pulling such faces?
Have you seen my new briefs?
Oh, what a bunch of stick-in-the-muds!
What... What if... we...
Come now! Socratic love.
It's a... last resort.
No, I couldn't do such a thing.
But on the other hand,
he's not as bad as all that.
I don't know...
It's a possibility.
We'll have to resolve
not to make war anymore.
How can you say that? We are Greeks.
Louder, girls, they're listening to us.
Oh, yeah!
Oh, that feels wonderful!
- Oh gods, will you look!
- I'm looking! I'm looking!
- Oh no! - Oh yes.
- I can't take this!
Oh gods, oh, why
wasn't I born a eunuch?
Is that where it hurts?
No, nothing.
Alright, they've gone.
I feel like I've gotten old before my time.
I'm fed up with being a heroine.
- Yes.
- You're such a weak woman!
No, Lysistrata. She's right.
If our husbands resist, it's
because they found substitutes.
- What do you mean?
- Well, there are ways...
Those are childish pleasures.
I'm told that the gods
themselves don't disdain them.
No matter, Lysistrata, one has
to know how to end a strike.
Listen... We must give
them a big blow. Let's go!
You'll come around to my way,
my pretty captain...
Enough!
Now, you will do just as we said.
Are you ready?
- Yes. - Go, go, go.
Oh, sweetheart! Is it you,
or Aphrodite herself?
Guess which, baby.
Oh! This thigh here looks real to me!
And the rest is too!
So it's true!
You are coming back to me!
Oh! Yes yes yes yes, she's back!
You don't know how much I missed you!
Let's explore all Aphrodite's
mysteries together!
Don't you think I want to celebrate?
It's promising start...
We were both waiting for you.
Oh, no no, my dear
husband, be patient,
we're not going to make love
on the ground like that?
But dearest, the grass, everybody
knows, is the best of beds.
But I want you to be as cosy
as a bird in a nest, angel.
I'll go find a mat.
Start undressing!
Darling I adore you!
So? What happened?
He's on fire, if you could see him, he's
hotter than a brand! Give me the mat!
- You don't think you'll succumb?
- I swore, didn't I?
Helen wasn't running faster
when she went off to meet Paris!
- You say that because you're jealous!
- I'm jealous?
Don't tell me that prolonged
celibacy suits you, dear.
She probably scorns
Aphrodite's pleasures.
No less than you do, but I know
how to control my senses. Let's go...
...And see for ourselves.
Oh, what ardour! Abstinence
makes the heart grow fonder.
No, no, no! You're too impatient!
Have you forgotten that women are fragile
and they like being prepared for love?
Yeah yeah yeah...
Looks like the real thing!
Why shouldn't she take
what he's giving her?
And she hasn't broken her
oath, as far as I know.
You can say whatever you want, but
Xanthius sure knows how to do it.
Oh, I had forgotten the very taste of love!
And how is it?
Sweeter than honey,
more exhilarating than wine...
She's going to yield, of that I'm sure!
And you would do anything
to be in her shoes!
We should never have trusted her!
Oh, look at that handsome mount!
I can't believe it! My husband
never did this to me!
What? What was that?
No, no it's me...
You give me such pleasure.
What's going on?
I... I need a cushion.
This mat is too course.
A little patience, my love.
It's too hard for me!
If I hadn't screamed you
would have broken your oath!
Oh alas, my heart is soft!
What fool calls that being soft-hearted?
How lucky you are, darling!
Your Xanthius is a remarkable man.
A stallion.
Ah, Myrrhine...
What are you doing here?
That's enough. Cover
yourself up, you're indecent.
Listen to me, Xanthius.
I know what you feel.
Those lovely fruits, that went and left.
Those mermaid thighs,
those marine perfumes.
How long has it been
since you last made love?
Two, three, four...
If you want to see Myrrhine
again, and enjoy her...
You have to obey me!
Basically you're right, Xanthius.
Those Spartans aren't
such bad fellows after all.
- And they're Greek too.
- That's true.
Oh, we've been at war
since the world began.
Who would they fight if we
put down our weapons?
We can't do that to them, our brothers.
What if they too are
tired of sleeping alone?
- How do we know?
- Maybe we can ask them.
Speak with the enemy? No no no...
But their women and ours
get along fine together.
Until they decided,
to make celibates of us.
Will the gods ever forgive us?
Come on. At such good times, come on.
They'll rejoice even more
when they see us making love!
The moanings of our wives
will be tribute.
Yes, that will rise all the
way to... to Olympus!
Oh, your hand is soft!
But it will never be
as skilful as Meton's.
Go away, it's him! Go!
Oh, my darling... My baby bird...
How happy I am to be back with you.
Oh? Where are your weapons then?
I threw them in the fire.
No more war? Ever?
Never more, my heart. Never more.
The Spartans and us have
the same thing in mind now.
And what's that?
Make love...
Make love... Oh yes...
Forever and ever... and ever!
Make love, not war.
Will the future generations
remember that?
In those days, just a few
centuries before our era,
love was still
inspired by the gods.
Homage was rendered to Aphrodite, goddess
of love, as often as could be arranged.
Only Ares, the god of war, would
sometimes surpass the goddess.
Oh, look at the handsome warrior.
What legs...!
What muscles...!
Leave me, Lysistrata.
My servants are waiting for me.
How many Spartans do you
intend to kill, my fair soldier?
Wouldn't you like some other kind of fight?
Less bloody... and more fun?
I feel that you're ready to attack.
Are you coward?
Would you dare back off?
Unless you prefer the minions
of the Athenian army?
Of course not!
I... but...
Oh come on! Let me
get your weapon ready...
No, wait...
No, I...
Eh... Psst...
Oh, you're as beautiful as Aphrodite!
My sword!
- To hell with wars and soldiers!
- But I...
But I'm a man, I have my
duties towards the city!
I bring them my contribution
by fighting for it.
Oh, you mean that we women,
we don't give anything to the city?
Oh! Well! We give our men, we...
We give our sons, to go and die
on your hateful battlefield!
It's our cattle that your ruining,
your stupid useless wars!
Look at him, the baying
man, the braggart!
But I warn you Meton, one
day the women shall revolt!
It's a lucky thing, our bowmen
are better shots than you are!
Beware of your anger, Meton!
Fear the day when women
will be able to do without men!
Oh, and you will try to get
help from Lesbos, I suppose?
Or perhaps you intend to use one
of those leather things they call dildos?
My love is always a thief...
Wait, what? You too?
But what's bothering you?
This tunic! This armour!
But we declared war against Sparta.
So husbands are not enough! Lovers
must also go and vote on a battlefield?
But... I can't back off, Lysistrata!
But Lysistrata, ah, sweetheart...
Don't "sweetheart" me, go
join the other braggarts!
But... But...
But I love you!
Oh! Take a good look
at this body, Euripides,
for this is the last
time you'll see it!
Oh, I love your dress, so pretty...
- Hello...
- Hello. How nice.
I'm sorry Lysistrata, but I have so many
things to do, is it really so important?
What's it all about?
Sisters, it's about the
salvation of Greece.
- Oh, really?
- Yes.
Because the salvation can
only come from the women.
Perhaps you're right.
But do we act sensibly?
Yes, it's common knowledge
that we only think of dressing
and making ourselves up so
as to better catch the men.
But that's the point.
Who are you to fool around with
if our men are constantly at war?
I hadn't thought of that.
Hello my darlings!
Oh look, here comes the girl from Sparta.
What elegance, what a
wonderful tunic. Let's see.
Oh, lovely!
- What beautiful cloth!
- Stop it, you're making me feel giddy.
So, you all agree you want
to get this war over with?
Well then, if we want our men
to make peace with each other,
we must ourselves renounce.
Renounce what? Say it.
I don't know if you have the courage...
Come on, don't make us wait.
It will be hard.
- We're strong.
Well kittens, you will have to renounce
that which delights your nights.
What? You mean that?
You heard me very well.
Say goodbye to the joys of love.
Oh no, I could never do that.
No, I can't. Too bad. Let the war go on.
They're right Lysistrata.
Can you imagine how sad our
beds if Aphrodite deserted them?
I pity you women, and can't you forget for
one minute the fire inside that burns you?
Well, what if they force themselves on us?
Do you think they would have
pleasure if we weren't consenting?
And what if I felt something
in spite of myself?
Then you would have to hide it.
Find some way.
You mean that I could
stay faithful to our oath
and still get a few
kicks out of it?
As of tomorrow, we'll settle
on the outskirts of their camp,
so as to better tantalize them.
But, that's not all girls,
we must now all swear.
- What are we going to swear on?
- What?
Well girls, I've thought of everything...
Here he comes. Here he is, he's coming.
Oh! Alright! Go hide!
But you stay and watch, just in case.
- In case...?
- Do as I say!
Oh, my love! My sweetie, my
beautiful! How I missed you!
No whores or young boys in your army?
Oh, but you know what I want!
I can't stand it anymore, Lysistrata!
Each night under the tent
you haunt my dreams...
I can see... your breasts...
Oh, and your ass... Oh!
Well keep on dreaming
my dear husband.
- What do you mean?
- You heard me very well.
I will only be yours when you
put down your weapons for ever.
Here's what you're missing, my dear
husband. And that! And that as well!
I'll take you whether you like it or not!
What's she doing here?
- She's here to protect my virtue.
And to help me keep my oath.
It was high time.
Oh god!
It is so hard to remain virtuous!
I don't feel like living anymore.
My life isn't worth it.
Yes. Even Tantalus was
better off than we are now.
This conspiracy is wrecking my
nerves, and burning my genitals!
What is wrong with them?
The oracle I went to see
explained it to me.
I don't know, he said it's an, an
affliction of the womb, hysteria.
I don't understand it very well,
but I'll pay anyone to cure it.
Otherwise I'll be needing a doctor.
And what's the remedy?
Alas, there's only one: pregnancy.
Great. But in order to
get our wives pregnant,
we ought to be able
to approach them.
What kind of cure is that, which you
can only administer to a cured patient?
I can't help thinking...
of my wife's body...
The softness of her breasts...
The pearliness of her little shell bones...
Stop, Xanthius! Stop
hurting yourself, stop it!
That's right, Xanthius,
you're not doing us any good.
Can you believe that even
my mistress is shunning me?
- Your mistress?
- You don't know her.
But... she's the best of lovers, and
the most valiant at giving pleasure.
That's impossible!
No woman is more voluptuous...
than my... Lysistrata.
Yoo-hoo, long live the strike!
Gee, boys, why are you
pulling such faces?
Have you seen my new briefs?
Oh, what a bunch of stick-in-the-muds!
What... What if... we...
Come now! Socratic love.
It's a... last resort.
No, I couldn't do such a thing.
But on the other hand,
he's not as bad as all that.
I don't know...
It's a possibility.
We'll have to resolve
not to make war anymore.
How can you say that? We are Greeks.
Louder, girls, they're listening to us.
Oh, yeah!
Oh, that feels wonderful!
- Oh gods, will you look!
- I'm looking! I'm looking!
- Oh no! - Oh yes.
- I can't take this!
Oh gods, oh, why
wasn't I born a eunuch?
Is that where it hurts?
No, nothing.
Alright, they've gone.
I feel like I've gotten old before my time.
I'm fed up with being a heroine.
- Yes.
- You're such a weak woman!
No, Lysistrata. She's right.
If our husbands resist, it's
because they found substitutes.
- What do you mean?
- Well, there are ways...
Those are childish pleasures.
I'm told that the gods
themselves don't disdain them.
No matter, Lysistrata, one has
to know how to end a strike.
Listen... We must give
them a big blow. Let's go!
You'll come around to my way,
my pretty captain...
Enough!
Now, you will do just as we said.
Are you ready?
- Yes. - Go, go, go.
Oh, sweetheart! Is it you,
or Aphrodite herself?
Guess which, baby.
Oh! This thigh here looks real to me!
And the rest is too!
So it's true!
You are coming back to me!
Oh! Yes yes yes yes, she's back!
You don't know how much I missed you!
Let's explore all Aphrodite's
mysteries together!
Don't you think I want to celebrate?
It's promising start...
We were both waiting for you.
Oh, no no, my dear
husband, be patient,
we're not going to make love
on the ground like that?
But dearest, the grass, everybody
knows, is the best of beds.
But I want you to be as cosy
as a bird in a nest, angel.
I'll go find a mat.
Start undressing!
Darling I adore you!
So? What happened?
He's on fire, if you could see him, he's
hotter than a brand! Give me the mat!
- You don't think you'll succumb?
- I swore, didn't I?
Helen wasn't running faster
when she went off to meet Paris!
- You say that because you're jealous!
- I'm jealous?
Don't tell me that prolonged
celibacy suits you, dear.
She probably scorns
Aphrodite's pleasures.
No less than you do, but I know
how to control my senses. Let's go...
...And see for ourselves.
Oh, what ardour! Abstinence
makes the heart grow fonder.
No, no, no! You're too impatient!
Have you forgotten that women are fragile
and they like being prepared for love?
Yeah yeah yeah...
Looks like the real thing!
Why shouldn't she take
what he's giving her?
And she hasn't broken her
oath, as far as I know.
You can say whatever you want, but
Xanthius sure knows how to do it.
Oh, I had forgotten the very taste of love!
And how is it?
Sweeter than honey,
more exhilarating than wine...
She's going to yield, of that I'm sure!
And you would do anything
to be in her shoes!
We should never have trusted her!
Oh, look at that handsome mount!
I can't believe it! My husband
never did this to me!
What? What was that?
No, no it's me...
You give me such pleasure.
What's going on?
I... I need a cushion.
This mat is too course.
A little patience, my love.
It's too hard for me!
If I hadn't screamed you
would have broken your oath!
Oh alas, my heart is soft!
What fool calls that being soft-hearted?
How lucky you are, darling!
Your Xanthius is a remarkable man.
A stallion.
Ah, Myrrhine...
What are you doing here?
That's enough. Cover
yourself up, you're indecent.
Listen to me, Xanthius.
I know what you feel.
Those lovely fruits, that went and left.
Those mermaid thighs,
those marine perfumes.
How long has it been
since you last made love?
Two, three, four...
If you want to see Myrrhine
again, and enjoy her...
You have to obey me!
Basically you're right, Xanthius.
Those Spartans aren't
such bad fellows after all.
- And they're Greek too.
- That's true.
Oh, we've been at war
since the world began.
Who would they fight if we
put down our weapons?
We can't do that to them, our brothers.
What if they too are
tired of sleeping alone?
- How do we know?
- Maybe we can ask them.
Speak with the enemy? No no no...
But their women and ours
get along fine together.
Until they decided,
to make celibates of us.
Will the gods ever forgive us?
Come on. At such good times, come on.
They'll rejoice even more
when they see us making love!
The moanings of our wives
will be tribute.
Yes, that will rise all the
way to... to Olympus!
Oh, your hand is soft!
But it will never be
as skilful as Meton's.
Go away, it's him! Go!
Oh, my darling... My baby bird...
How happy I am to be back with you.
Oh? Where are your weapons then?
I threw them in the fire.
No more war? Ever?
Never more, my heart. Never more.
The Spartans and us have
the same thing in mind now.
And what's that?
Make love...
Make love... Oh yes...
Forever and ever... and ever!
Make love, not war.
Will the future generations
remember that?